Family Secrets
by Catsluver
Summary: <html><head></head>Sam Winchester came back from the cage very different. Sam/OFC. Romance, Hunts, Angst. Part One- The Lies That Bind: What's wrong with Sam? / Part Two- Clean Up Your Mess: Crossing the Wall / Part Three: Old Haunts - New Beginnings.</html>
1. Chapter 1

_**Family Matters: **__Part One –__** The Lies That Bind **__– chapter 1_

_**Spoilers up through season 6.7 **_

_I'm having an obsession about Soulless Sam and how it must feel not to feel… also all that went on between Samuel and Crowley. And, we know Soulless Sam was a horndog, so… Rated M. _

_I don't own any of the SPN characters… don't profit from my stories… I just write for fun_

_**Just after returning from the cage…. About a year before the beginning of season 6…**_

_**Whatsoever I feared has come to life**_

_**And whatsoever I fought off became my life...**_

_**cause I fell on Black Days**_

_**Whomsoever I cured, I'll sicken now**_

_**And whomsoever I cradled, I'll put you down...**_

_**I'm only faking when I get it right**_

_**cause I fell on Black Days**_

_**How would I know**_

_**that this would be my fate?**_

_-Christopher Cornell -Soundgarden_

Things were different, very different. Sam Winchester couldn't quite figure out what happened to him but he knew he wasn't the same. He had been brought back from Hell, a Hell he couldn't remember. He remembered jumping into the hole, taking Lucifer with him into the cage. Then he was back topside without Lucifer.

Samuel Campbell, Sam's grandfather had found him. Now he had family. Samuel had gathered all the Campbell's together to hunt. He had that natural ability to inspire and lead and he was the oldest, so they gathered and followed just as clans do, as they had been trained.

"These are all my people" Samuel had explained to Sam. "My brothers and sisters children and grandchildren; children of my cousins, my aunts and uncles, all of them are our clan, our family. But you, you're my grandson. You're Mary's boy. You are my right hand, son." Sam knew that family was important by the way Samuel talked but he didn't understand why. He felt like an outsider here in this place. He felt like an outsider everywhere. Everyone seemed to know something he didn't. No matter. Whatever it was, he'd figure it out. He would keep his secret. He decided it would be better if no one knew he was different, really different.

Sam remembered the life he'd lived. He remembered his Dad, remembered Bobby, Jess. And he remembered Dean, hunting with Dean. A lifetime full of memories was all with him, but he didn't understand the memories. It seemed to him that someone else had lived those memories. All the loves and hates, the joys and sorrows of that Sam, Sammy were a mystery to him. He no longer understood the man he was before. He didn't know that he had returned to earth without his soul but that was the reason he was a very different Sam Winchester.

They hunted together, Sam and Samuel and others of the clan when Samuel decided he needed them. He favored hunting Vampires. It wasn't the only thing they hunted, just what they went after the most. Vampires had been hunted to near extinction during the time Samuel was dead, but lately there had been and upsurge in the number of nests. It seemed they were coming off the endangered list and Samuel was determined to put them back on.

Tonight four hunters were returning from a successful foray onto a farm in Indiana. They had taken out six Vampires. All beheaded. All killed by Samuel and Sam, Christian and Alta. If Sam was Samuel's right hand, then Christian was next in line. And Alta was next in line after that; they were his most trusted hunters. Like most of the Campbell's Alta was raise in the Business. She started hunting when she was twelve. She had seen things, done things, the things that hunters do and that had hardened her soul. Even so, there was something about her… humor… and caring. Alta understood being different and thought she understood Sam. She was attracted to him. He was tall, dark, and handsome and he seemed to radiate power. Sam was heading out to his car when she first approached him.

"Sam!" He heard her calling from behind him. He turned and faced her.

"Alta." He stood motionless waiting. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for.

"Let's go for a drink, Sam. It's been a long day. Couldn't you use one?"

"Yea, good idea." He motioned toward his car and headed for the driver's side. Suddenly, some old memory, one of Sammy's memories, kicked in and he went to the passenger side to open the door for her. Sam wasn't sure why that was important but it seemed right and Alta seemed to like it. She smiled at him. He smiled back.

Sam wasn't good at conversation. Alta already knew that. During down times with the clan he rarely engaged in small talk. He listened and watched as if he was studying. He'd answer if someone asked him something. But he remained aloof. Alta kept up the conversation. He didn't mind. He was learning this small talk stuff by listening. Sam had learned from Samuel that many of his thoughts were frightening to people. So it was best not to say them out loud. Samuel said he was cold, whatever that meant. He didn't know that without a soul he didn't have feelings like sympathy, or love or even like. Camaraderie involved emotions he didn't have. But he was learning how to cover. He was learning how to act. So he didn't talk much but he listened a lot.

It was a short ride into town. Sam headed for the local bar 'Black Dog'. It was a familiar hang out for the Campbell's.

"Let's don't go to 'Black Dog'. Let's go somewhere else." Alta smiled at Sam. It was a suggestive smile. He noticed it was different.

"I know a pub where we can get something to eat."

As they ate, Alta talked about her life, what it was like to be a Campbell. Sam absorbed the information. He thought it might be useful. It occurred to him that he should share information as well, so he talked about Sammy's life. Alta thought it sounded like a history lesson. He talked about his life like fact finding for a case. He didn't mention his feelings at all. That might not be so strange, but she couldn't see any emotion on his face, couldn't hear any emotion in his voice. Even when he told her about Jess, the woman he was going to marry... the woman he loved and saw die. He was absolutely devoid of emotion. It occurred to her that Sam might be more wounded than she thought. Suddenly, she thought this might not be such a good idea. She was a little uneasy.

Sam noticed her unease immediately. He felt excitement begin to rise in him, not unlike preparing for a hunt. It was a feeling, the only feeling he could have. A primal instinct that came from somewhere other than the soul. It was good to feel. Like water on parched lips. Alta saw him become animated, interested, as if he'd been asleep and suddenly woke up. She became even more uneasy. He noticed it, drank in the feeling then grabbed it and pushed it down deep. He steeled himself just like he did for a hunt. Calm, don't tip off the prey.

"Would you like to come up for a drink?"

"Up?"

"My apartment is upstairs. That's how I know about this place." He smiled, his head just slightly tilted to one side. He had beautiful hazel eyes and dimples that made his smile seem almost sweet. She began to calm and thought she was being silly to be uneasy. She decided not to trust her hunter's instincts.

"That sounds nice, Sam."

He put money on the table to cover the tab and stood, holding out his hand. Another memory popping into his head at just the right time. Apparently Sammy was a nice guy. Good, he could use that. He held her hand as he led the way upstairs.

She noticed his apartment was clean and neat, extremely neat. It was bare actually, devoid of any knick knacks or memorabilia... no pictures... nothing. It had no personality.

Sam poured her a drink but not one for himself. When he turned from the counter to face her he took just a moment to take her in. She's pretty. He thought. Her hair was thick dark auburn and long with just a little curl around the shoulders. She had a long oval face and crystal green eyes. She was more than pretty, Alta was strikingly beautiful. Her smile was stunning. Sam might have known this if he'd had a soul but beauty like art is appreciated by the soul.

He closed the distance between them handing her the drink and standing just a little too close. Sam was tall and he stood head and shoulders over Alta. She suddenly felt small. He sensed her fear. No… more than that, he could smell it. He gazed down at her. The excitement began to rise in him. She felt it. They fed on each other, his excitement, her fear and excitement. His power overwhelmed her. She staggered back a step.

"Don't." he whispered as he caught her arms and steadied her. "I won't hurt you." He tried to calm her. Once more he pushed down his excitement and calmed himself. The primal feelings were strong, intoxicating. He couldn't love, he didn't even like. But he lusted and it felt good.

"I... " She didn't know what to say.

Sam put his hands to either side of Alta's face and raised it up to meet him as he lowered his lips to hers. His kiss was soft, gentle. He didn't want to frighten her. He broke off the kiss and gazed into her eyes judging her reaction. He searched her face. Her eyes slowly opened and she smiled. Good.

He kissed her again. He could taste Alta's desire and he drank it in, hungry for more. Desire fed on desire. When he broke off the kiss he pulled her tightly against him. He rested his face on the top of her head and laced his fingers up through her hair bunching it up around his face. He smelled her desire and breathed it in deep.

"Alta?" he questioned.

"Ummm?" she answered.

He was unsure how far he should go. She seemed to want to remain in this embrace. He wanted more. But he waited. Slowly she began to move against him. He thought it was an unconscious movement of her hips across his. That slight movement got an immediate reaction from him. The feeling was intense. He moved back against her.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed away from him looking up at him. He quickly moved his hands down to her hips and held her against him.

"Don't!" he said.

She smiled and held up the drink she still had, a quizzical look on her face. He released her hips and sighed.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to push you." Sam wasn't sorry he didn't know how to be sorry, but he knew how to regroup. He knew how to hunt. It's all he knew how to do. So he would play this like a hunt. He wouldn't spook his prey. He didn't know how to be any other way. He waited for her next move.

He walked over to the counter and with his back to her he asked. "Would you like another drink?"

"No, I'm fine." He heard her glass as she set it on the coffee table. When he turned she had removed her jacket. He was quickly beside her. He took the jacket and hung it in the closet and did the same with his.

"Why don't you show me around your apartment, Sam?"

"There isn't much to see." he gestured around the room. "The kitchen and living area." he walked over toward the bedroom door. "Would you like to see the bedroom?"

"Yes, that's definitely what I'd like to see."

He held out his hand. She walked past him into the bedroom. He closed the door behind them. She turned and he immediately pulled her into his arms, holding her tight against him.

"You want me!" Sam could smell it. He could feel it. He recognized the symbolism of her coming into his bedroom. It meant she wanted in his bed. He trailed kisses down Alta's neck and breathed in the scent of her desire. His hands reached for the hem of her shirt and he pulled it up over her head. Watching her hair spilling back down around her shoulders he felt a white hot surge of primal desire. He wanted his flesh touching hers. She was quickly unbuttoning his shirt.

Sam couldn't remember feeling like this before. If he had, those feeling belonged to Sammy and the feelings weren't quite the same. This was lust. And it was his not Sammy's. This was his. He shrugged out of his shirt. As he reached down to unfasten his belt, he looked at Alta making sure she was OK with this. She reached for her own belt in answer and they watched each other undress.

"You want me." She teased. His hands were immediately touching her. He pushed her toward the bed.

"I'll show you how much." Sam lowered her to the bed, hovering over her. He could smell her desire. She felt his excitement as he slid into her. He slowly filled her. Alta could hear his groan of pleasure matched by her own. He held himself in her as he covered her with his body. Her face was against his straining chest as he began to move in her.

He looked down at her. He watched her moving against him. Smelled her passion. Watched her as she began to rise toward her climax. She groaned and struggled and moved against him. Her eyes fluttered. She gasped. Somewhere in Sammy's memory he found the French phrase Le Petit Morte. 'Little Death'. And he thought it is like a hunt. A little death. With that he began to thrust in her harder, killing her, like prey. He heard her scream as she died and he reached his own climax.

Sam lowered himself beside Alta and lay on his side. He spooned her up against him and wrapped himself around her. He was so tall she fit perfectly into him with his chin resting on top of her head. She felt safe, like being wrapped in a warm blanket. He felt nothing. The lust had been satisfied and was gone. Still her body was soft and warm. He was comfortable like this. It felt like something Sammy would do. He felt her rhythmic breathing as she fell asleep. He didn't sleep. He never slept, but he rested tonight.

… … …

"I don't know." Samuel sighed and ran his hand across his eyes as if that simple gesture could relieve the pressure building in his head. "Sam's not like any hunter I've ever worked with. He scares me. I'd rather do this on my own, with my own crew." Samuel was pacing. He'd seen what Sam was capable of. Collateral damage didn't bother Sam. He never gave it a second thought. And Samuel didn't want to find out just how far Sam was willing to go. "You bring me a man without a soul and expect me to get him to play well with others?"

"Well, you'd better figure it out." Crowley smiled and it sent chills down Samuel's spine. He hated this but he had no choice. He'd made a deal with a demon. "I own Sam Winchester!" he growled out... and I want him hunting for me! You're going to make that happen. And you're going to bring me creatures ALIVE! Do we understand each other?"

"Yea." Samuel gave a heavy sigh. He hated working for Crowley but it was his ticket out of Hell and Crowley had promised to bring back his daughter, Mary.

"Of course you can't let Sam know about your deal with me. He hates me. We have a history. And he'd never stay with you if he knew about me. Oh, and don't let him know where you take these creatures or what you do with them. Best to keep him in the dark." Crowley took a deep breath. "Now, I have to go prepare a place for all my creatures. I'll let you know where to bring them."

Crowley smirked. Samuel was resigned to the situation. He was just where Crowley wanted him. He would do his job and he would get Sam to do the job too.

… … …

Alta woke up in Sam's bed, snuggled in crisp sheets, warm comforter and soft pillow... alone. She peeked out and saw Sam sitting at his laptop, his back to her. She remembered falling asleep in his arms and she wondered when he'd left the bed.

"Morning." Sam glanced over his shoulder. "We need to be getting back to the Compound soon. You want some breakfast? I've got cereal." His attention was once again on the laptop.

He had already showered and dressed. Her clothes had been folded and laid on the foot of the bed. She dressed quickly and in silence. Sam remained focused on his research. Alta rummaged through the cabinets and found the cereal and some bowls.

"I like Corn Flakes. You want some?" She found the spoons and took the milk from the refrigerator.

"I had some earlier."

"It's five am, Dude. What time did you get up?" She sat across the table from him, munching her cereal.

"I've been up for a while."

"You didn't get much sleep. You OK?"

"Yea." He closed the laptop and waited for her to finish eating.

God, she thought. Getting conversation out of this man is like pulling teeth!

He sensed she was expecting something from him.

"I found some interesting hits. I think it's a case for us. I'd like to get this info to Samuel."

Sam had made passionate love to her last night. Alta remembered his touch, his embrace, his kisses and she wondered why he seemed so indifferent this morning. This man is so broken she thought. He wouldn't be the first hunter to be emotionally crippled.

"I'm sure Samuel will be delighted." Alta spooned the last mouthful of cereal and took her bowl and spoon to the sink. He watched her as she washed them out and left them in the drain then headed to the bathroom.

After Alta had showered and redressed she came out to find Sam had just finished cleaning and loading his hand gun. He stood, placed it down the back of his jeans and walked over to the closet. He took out her jacket, holding it out to her. She just looked at him and he realized she wanted something from him, he just didn't know exactly what.

"You are the strong silent type aren't you." her head tilted to one side. Her eyes narrowed. "What happened to you, Sam?"

"You don't know?" He asked. "I was possessed by Lucifer. I jumped into Hell and stuffed him back into his cage and I came back or was brought back. I'm not sure how I got back. I thought Samuel told everyone." his voice was flat, no fear, no hurt, nothing. Like last night when he talked about his past. He didn't show any emotion.

"Yea, he told us." Suddenly it made sense. No wonder he's so broken! Who could even imagine that kind of ordeal? "I wasn't thinking, Sam. Did you talk about it with Samuel?"

"He knew. He was pulled down when I was pulled up. He doesn't know why, I don't know why. I figure whoever or whatever wants us to hunt."

"That's not the kind if talking I mean."

"What else is there to talk about?"

"Your feelings, maybe?"

"No." He turned away. "I'm fine." He didn't have a clue what kind of feelings she meant and he didn't want her to know.

Dude, you are anything but fine! She thought. And she felt such a surge of sympathy for him she reached up and pulled him down kissing him lightly on the cheek. She thought it was sad. Sam was so handsome, so tall, so powerful she couldn't help but be drawn to him. But he was so wounded. She slipped her hands around his waist and laid her cheek against his chest.

He didn't understand her, didn't understand sympathy but he knew she wanted a reaction from him. He didn't know what to do so he pulled her face up to meet his lips as he bent down to kiss her. He tasted her, smelled her. She smelled like sex. He reached down to grasp her hips and pull her against him.

Sam's reaction took Alta by surprise. She meant to be sympathetic but if he thought he was going to use her for his private sex toy he was wrong. She pushed against him breaking the kiss. Anger burned in her and he could smell it oozing from her pores. He pushed her toward the bed, pulling her shirt over her head and grabbing for her bra. Sam went from ice cold to boiling hot in an instant. He pushed her down on the bed and crawled over her.

"Sam! Stop!" Alta rolled back, pulled her knees up and using both feet on his chest she shoved him hard. Sam stumbled back off the bed. She sprang up after him and landed a right hook to his jaw. He didn't try to defend himself. He stood and waited for her next blow.

"What the Hell, Sam?"

He realized he'd made a mistake. He'd misjudged what she wanted from him. It was easy for him to understand lust. It was impossible for him to understand love and caring.

"Alta, I don't know what to say. You're right. I shouldn't have... pushed you. I don't want to hurt you… I just... It's been a long time. I'll never do anything you don't want. You just have to tell me."

"Don't ever touch me like that again. Not without my permission or I'll shoot you." She grabbed her shirt redressing in stilted angry movements. "Let's just go."

_**TBC...**_

_**Comments and R&R are welcomed!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I don't own Supernatural or any of the Supernatural characters. I don't profit from my stories, just write for fun… Alta Campbell is my own creation. **_

_Somehow, I couldn't stop myself._

_I just wanted to know how it felt._

_Too strong, I couldn't hold on._

_Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense_

_Out of how and why this happened._

_Where we're heading, there's just no knowing._

_And then I crashed into you,_

_And I went up in flames._

_Could've been the death of me,_

_But then you breathed your breath in me._

_And I crashed into you,_

_Like a runaway train._

_You will consume me,_

_But I can't walk away._

_From your face, your eyes_

_They're burned into me._

_You saved me, you gave me_

_Just what I need._

_Oh, just what I need._

_And then I crashed into you,_

_And I went up in flames._

_Could've been the death of me,_

_But then you breathed your breath in me._

_And I crashed into you,_

_Like a runaway train._

_You will consume me,_

_But I can't walk away._

_Daughtry_

Family Secrets Chapter 2

Sam's research paid off and it looked good for the Campbell's to raid a vampire nest. There had been the usual disappearances. Some of the victims were later found ripped, bitten and exsanguinated. It was a reliable sign of Vampires.

Samuel was briefing the team for the hunt. He would use a small team for this raid. They gathered from the body count that the nest was no more than four or five. Samuel and Sam would go, along with Christian, Alta, Gwyn and Mark. All Campbell's; all raised hunters. It was a crack team. Samuels best hunters.

"Everybody armed with 'dead man's blood'." Samuel held up syringes filled with the dark red fluid. "It won't kill em, but it will weaken em enough to be taken. I want to take the leader alive."

"Why?" Sam's eyes narrowed as he looked at his grandfather. He wondered what Samuel was up to.

"I want to try a new tactic. Try to get information from the thing. Get it to answer a few questions." Samuel's face tightened. He turned to Sam. "You got a problem with that?"

"No. We'll bag your vamp." Sam really didn't care what they did as long as he could hunt. But he thought he'd rather kill than capture.

"Let's head out then. Sam I'll ride with you. The rest of you ride in the van with Christian." He wanted to keep a close eye on Sam.

They drove all night and parked a half mile from the farmhouse where the vampires were nested. Sam stood at the open trunk of his black Dodge Charger. He checked his side arm and slid it into the back of his jeans. His trunk contained much the same weapons that he and Dean had carried in the trunk of the Impala. Tools of the trade. Shot guns, salt, salt rounds, knives of various kinds and sizes. He picked up his machete and held it up checking the weight in his hand.

Samuel was with the rest of the team, gearing up from their shared arsenal in the van. Sam preferred to keep his weapons separate. He didn't share. He knew exactly what he had at all times and he knew exactly where it was. He knew the condition of each piece in his arsenal. Trust was something that came from the soul. And Sam didn't trust. As he put extra clips in his pockets Alta came up beside him. He looked at her not knowing what to expect.

"You're angry with me." He waited for her response.

"That wouldn't be smart on a hunt like this. Are we good?" She tilted her head looking up at him from the side of her eyes.

"We're good. I got your back." He gave her a little smile and closed the trunk of the Charger. She was right. Better if she wasn't mad at him. Not because he cared, but it could cloud her judgment.

"Yea, me too."

The hunters walked through the woods to the edge of the yard outside the house where the vampires were. They huddled in a tight group and Samuel began to set up the raid.

"We'll split up and cover each side of the house... "

"Alta and I will go in the back entrance." Sam interrupted. He was focused on Samuel. His expression was unreadable but to Samuel the message was clear. He knew what Sam was capable of. He'd seen what Sam would do. He knew just how cold Sam was and so Samuel backed down from the challenge.

"Fine. Christian and I will go in the front. Gwyn you take the right side of the house and Mark you take the left. Get any runners." He looked at Sam. Sam's expression didn't change. "We ready then?" Everyone gave an affirmative nod.

They approached the house staying in shadows, behind bushes and low to the ground. Sam and Alta made their way around to the back of the house. Gwyn and Mark took position on their respective sides and Samuel and Christian silently slipped into the front door.

When they reached the back entrance both had machetes in hand. Sam gently tested the door. It was unlocked. He motioned for Alta to enter low and then gently opened the door. It gave a loud creak. He caught her eye nodding his head toward the door then pushed it wide open. She quickly entered low scanning from left to right. He was immediately behind her scanning right to left.

The kitchen was clear and Sam and Alta advanced toward a door to the right. They entered in the same formation with Alta going in low and Sam immediately behind her. It was a bedroom. There were two vampires in the room. A male and a female. Sam could smell the dominate scent in the room and knew that this was the lead pair.

The vampires jumped out of the bed. The female ran for the door. As Alta started after her she heard Sam's machete clank as it hit the floor. She turned to see the male, the lead, spring at Sam slamming his arm across Sam's neck pinning him against the wall.

It looked into Sam's eyes. Its mouth opened and Sam saw the second set of teeth descending making it look like a shark's mouth, full of razor sharp teeth. As the lead vampire clamped those lethal teeth down on his neck Sam saw Alta behind the vampire raising her machete to strike.

"No!" Sam shouted. Alta hesitated, confused. Then she noticed the syringe in Sam's hand as he plunged it into the vampire's neck. He pulled back from Sam, staggering and falling to the floor. Alta looked into Sam's eyes and in that instant she realized that he had deliberately dropped his machete and allowed the vampire to attack him.

She was standing in front of him stunned. Suddenly in one smooth motion, Sam swept up the machete at his feet and raised it high over his right shoulder. He loomed over her like a giant. His face hard, his eyes narrowed. Terror struck her soul. He lunged forward and as he began his downward swing she dropped to the floor and rolled to the side.

Long black hair flew out from the decapitated head of the female vampire as it spun around from the force of his blow. The headless body spewed blood like a red fountain and it dropped to the floor. Sam's breath came in giant heaves. He stared down at the lifeless mass, his bloody machete gripped tightly at his side.

Alta locked eyes with Sam as he gave one more heavy sigh. His own blood covered the gashes on his neck and drained down to mix with the vampire blood that soaked his clothes and dripped from his hair. He reached out his hand and pulled Alta to her feet. Then he bent down and pulled the lead vampire up and across his shoulder.

"Let's go" he said motioning for her to lead. They made their way through to the front of the house meeting Samuel and the others standing in the midst of the carnage of decapitated bodies.

"We got your lead Vamp." Sam raised his eyebrows at Samuel.

Samuel nodded, acknowledging the Vampire hanging over Sam's shoulder.

"Good. I think we got the rest of em. Let's roll."

At the van, Sam's eyes captured Alta's. He gave her a quick small nod toward his car, his eyes questioning. She acknowledged with a small nod in return. Sam dropped the vampire at Samuel's feet.

"Alta's riding back with me." He locked eyes with Samuel. It was the second challenge this night from Sam and the second time Samuel backed down.

Alta grabbed her duffel from the van. At the Charger, Sam took a medical kit from the trunk and handed it to her.

"Check my neck." He gestured toward the gashes from the vampire's teeth as he sat down on the edge of the trunk.

Alta looked at the gashes. They were fairly deep and looked to be painful. She glanced at Sam. He sat motionless. He showed no signs of pain. _What is it with this guy_? She thought, _he's tough, scary tough_.

"This looks bad, Sam. You shouldn't have carried that vamp. It looks like you lost a fair amount of blood."

"We needed to get him out fast, before the 'dead man's blood' wore off."

"The others could have helped." She rolled her eyes at him. "Well, it'll hold for now. I don't want to do anything to get it started bleeding again but we need to get it cleaned. It's pretty nasty and you'll need stitches. I have some pain pills. They'll take the edge off."

"No, I'll make it". He grabbed a blanket from the trunk and spread it across the front seat. She was still processing the fact that he wasn't in pain. "What? I don't want blood on the upholstery. It smells." He completely misunderstood her quizzical look. "I don't want my car smelling like Samuel's van."

"OK." _This man was definitely a neat freak_!

As Sam pulled the Charger onto the road, Alta saw the others huddled behind the van. Mark and Christian were lifting the Vamp into it. Samuel watched them as they drove by. He looked angry. Sam and his grandfather had a strange relationship she thought. They came as a package deal, yet they didn't seem to know each other, sometimes didn't even seem like each other. Alta had no idea just how complicated the relationship between Sam and Samuel was. Or that so much hung in the balance. Samuel needed to get control of Sam, but Sam wasn't likely to let himself be controlled. Each exerted power over the other. And on the sidelines stood Crowley holding all the cards in this game of power.

Alta leaned her head back against the seat, closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. The tension of the fight was beginning to dissipate but she needed to debrief.

"You scared the hell out of me back there."

"What? I told you, I got your back."

"You dropped your machete. You let that Vamp pin you, didn't you?"

"Have to get close to use a needle. Samuel wanted the leader alive. It was the only way." Sam was logical, totally unemotional. "You should have stayed on the female instead of worrying about me."

"She was running. You were unarmed. I told you, I got your back."

"Yea, you do." He smiled at her. She was good back up. He could use good back up like her. "Get some sleep. It'll be a while before we get back."

"But you..."

"I'm fine."

"Yea? Define fine."

Back in Sam's apartment, Avery had showered first, then Sam. He emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel with a cloth held tightly against his neck. She could see the fresh blood oozing from under the cloth.

"Get to the bath tub." She grabbed the medical kit and some bottles of water.

"I cleaned it out. That's why it's bleeding again." He was climbing into the tub.

"You cleaned it? Yourself?" She looked at him, her eyes wide with amazement. "Well, I'm going to clean it again. I don't want it getting infected." She handed him several pills. "Take these. Antibiotics and pain pills. You'll probably pass out before they take effect but you should rest well for several hours."

He took the pills and with a gulp of water he swallowed them all. He lay in the tub, legs curled up and tucked against his chest. She couldn't help but notice how powerful he looked. His body was muscular and trim. There were scars from bullet wounds. One on his right shoulder... one on the left side of his chest, below his nipple. He had scars from blades on his arms and his torso. But to Alta they were beautiful. She was a hunter and she knew how he got the scars; hunting evil.

She lifted the cloth and looked at the gashes. "You did a decent job but they're really deep." Alta took tweezers and pulled the flesh apart pouring the bottled water over the wound and dabbing with gauze. Blood and water poured from the wound. She checked for debris which she removed with the tweezers and rinsed again. More blood mixed with the water and flowed around his body and down the drain. Cleaning a wound this deep was messy and painful. "Sorry, it'll take a while for the meds to kick in. I should have given them to you before your shower." She poured peroxide over the wound.

"It's OK. I'll make it." Sam didn't flinch; his voice was steady and calm.

"I know you'll make it. I'm gonna patch you up real pretty, big boy." She smiled at him. "You're gonna need stitches but you're lucky, because I'm good at stitches. It'll hurt though."

After she finished stitching, cleaning and dressing the wound, Alta helped Sam to the bed and tucked him in. She fixed them both a drink and sat on the bed beside him.

"Drink?" he refused. She drank both.

"Sam? What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" She could tell the pain pills were finally beginning to work. His eyes were half closed his voice just a little slow.

"You didn't so much as flinch when that Vamp bit you."

"I was focused."

"You didn't make a sound while I cleaned that wound. Not even a moan."

"You wanted me to cry?"

"No. But Sam you didn't even breathe heavy. It's as if you don't feel pain."

"I feel pain, Alta. I just don't see the point in making a fuss." Sam did feel pain but he didn't have any of the emotions that accompany pain, no fear, no anger, no panic, nothing. And without all those emotions he could focus on enduring the pain. He'd known pain all his life, broken bones, gashes and cuts all sizes and most parts of his body, bullet wounds. Pain was nothing new.

He lifted the covers. "Come lie down with me." She hesitated. "Please."

When she laid down next him he spooned her against him. Having her next to him this way felt comfortable. He didn't know why, but it felt right. "How much pain meds did you give me?"

"Enough to knock out Sasquatch!"

"Sasquatch?" Somewhere in Sammy's memories that seemed good. He closed his eyes and sighed. She felt his body relax and realized it was the first time since she met him that he seemed at ease. He wondered if he would sleep for the first time since he got back from the Cage.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"You brought me a live Vamp. Good." Crowley was smiling.

Samuel looked at him, thinking how much he hated to see that smile. When the King of Hell smiled, it wasn't pretty. In fact it was downright creepy.

They were in an abandoned warehouse somewhere in the recesses of the Campbell Compound. Far off from the main buildings. It was dark, dank and smelly. Cages lined the walls. The captured Vampire was tied in one of the cages still drugged with 'dead man's' blood.

"So, who captured it?" Crowley looked at Samuel. He already knew the answer, but he waited, his hands behind his back, rocking slowly. Samuel didn't answer. "I know it was Sam." Crowley wouldn't give up his chance to say 'I told you so'. "You see now why I got Sam for you?"

Samuel still didn't answer.

"Well, this is going to work out nicely." Crowley had a self-satisfied grin. "I've got another case for you, a rare jewel for my collection. The job's in Maine. A little town called Bristol. You're going to bag me an Arachne.

"What? Are you sure? No one's seen one of them in a couple thousand years and not outside of Greece."

"Yes, well there's one in Maine, so take your 'bull dog' and go fetch it!" Crowley let out a long loud laugh.

Samuel turned and walked back to his van. He couldn't wait to get away from Crowley. He could hear wild laughter following him until he gunned the motor loud enough to drown it out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam didn't sleep. Even with the pain pills Alta gave him. He never slept but he laid still and quiet to satisfy her. He rested and pretended. And he held Alta while she slept. She's good for me, he thought. She helps me be normal.

Alta was able to make Sam stay off his feet for another day. It wasn't easy. She kept giving him pain pills. They kept him compliant until he refused to take them. Then she had to let him up but kept him busy with research.

"I've got to go home, Sam. I haven't been to my place in four days and I need clean clothes." She was in one of his tee shirts, checking to see if her clothes were dry. She'd washed out her panties and shirt a few times over the past couple of days. Sam was in no condition to drive and he didn't want her to leave him. "Even washing them out, they're getting kinda of smelly."

"Your clothes smell good to me." He smiled. She took it for a joke.

"My clothes will smell even better when they're clean."

"Why don't you bring your clothes back here and stay with me."

"Sam, I don't know, I..."

He was close behind her. "I want you." Alta could feel the heat from Sam's body. He lowered his mouth to her ear. She felt his hot breath. "I need you."

She smiled. "Not without clean clothes."

"Most definitely without clothes." He nipped at her ear and slipped his hands around her and up under his tee shirt hanging loosely on her smaller frame. His large hands moved over her body. He cupped her breasts and her back arched. He felt her nipples harden against his palms. "I can smell it when you light up like you are right now." He took a deep breath at the nape of her neck.

Alta knew she couldn't resist, didn't want to resist. "Then light me up." He smiled and gave a small laugh. One hand slid down her body to caress her core. She moved against him, parting her legs enough to give him access. One long finger slid between her lips and he felt her wetness. His other hand slid down her body. He stopped just at her hairline and pulled her hips against him. She grabbed his forearms and felt the muscles tighten beneath her hands. She could feel his erection as he ground against her. His wet finger rubbed across her clit. She gasped and bucked against him. She felt as if she was melting.

"You're trembling." His hot breath whispered in her ear. His finger was still rubbing across her. She was panting, moaning, begging. She was burning with need and she felt his need as he continued to rub his hard erection against her. She needed to feel him inside her. Alta could feel her body screaming for him.

"Oh God, Sam. Please!" He kissed the back of her neck. He could feel her body's screams as clearly as he heard her cry for help. It radiated from her pores. He breathed her growing passion, tasting the scent of her. His breath came in heavy gasps. Then he took his hands away.

"Ohhhhh." the scream left her lips before she knew. She felt like she was burning alive... so close... "Oh, don't stop..." she panted.

"Shhhh... I got you..." he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. Desire, lust, oozed from her body and he could feel it, smell it... so strong... He was on fire. As he laid her on the bed, she pulled his tee shirt off and eagerly reached for him. He pulled off his own shirt and brushed her fumbling hands from his pants. "Shhhhh... I got it." Her rising passion was driving him over the edge.

She was reaching for him as he climbed onto the bed. He hovered over her. He found her wet center and entered her slowly filling her; she heard his breath suck in with pleasure.

"Fuck me." she whispered, straining to reach her lips to his ear. "Fuck me, Sam..." He heard her whisper, felt her grip his biceps and plunged into the depths of her. He watched as she moved against him matching his every thrust. She arched and her eyes closed with pleasure.

"Look at me!" he demanded. Her crystal green eyes opened and she gazed into his hazel ones. He slowed his pace to long slow deep thrusts. She felt the heat deep in her core, so hot... so delicious... She felt his hand as he his fingers splayed through her hair and cradled the back of her head. She felt him grab her hair and pull her head back.

"Look at me!" he demanded again. She didn't realize her eyes had closed. She gazed into his eyes again. His face was so close she couldn't focus... his mouth so close to hers... his breath so hot against her... so close she breathed in what he exhaled, hot and wet. And he continued the deep slow rhythm of his thrusts.

"Look at me!" She felt him pulling again... felt his deep hot thrusts... she looked up at him. She wanted to... _I can't_ she thought... he thrust deep... She opened her eyes again... felt his deep thrust again... _umm, I'm trying_... _I can't_...

"Look at me!" she opened her eyes again and saw his hazel ones looking down at her. He began to quicken the pace of his thrusts, deeper and harder. "I want to see it in your eyes when you cum." She focused on his eyes. He felt her spasm... heard her scream... watched as she arched and her crystal green eyes rolled back as her eyelids fluttered down. She felt his low groan against her neck.

He claimed her. She was his. He wanted her and it was the closest he could come to loving her. Love came from the soul, but lust and possession came from somewhere else. He reached his hands around and pulled her hips tightly to him thrusting deep once more. White hot juices filled her.

He spooned her up against him into what was becoming a familiar position for them, her back against him as he curled around her, her head tucked under his chin.

"I love when you hold me like this." She gave a contented sigh.

"Me too."

More and more it occurred to Sam just how good Alta was for him. He thought being with her, being intimate with someone... helped him.

"I want to know where you go when your eyes roll back in your head like they do..." He whispered.

She purred...

**TBC**

**Comments and R&R welcomed and appreciated. I hope you enjoy.**


	3. Chapter 3

Family Secrets Chapter 3

Be careful what you wish for,

'Cause you just might get it all.

You just might get it all,

And then some you don't want.

-Daughtry

Sam stood outside Lisa's house. It wasn't the first time he'd been there just watching Dean with Lisa and Ben. He realized that they were a family. _Once me and Dean were a family._ He watched them sitting around the table eating dinner and laughing. He watched Dean go to work... watched him having cook outs with the neighbors. _That's what normal looks like. That's what happy looks like._ They looked happy. He wondered if he could look like that with Alta. He didn't want it but he wondered if she wanted it. And he wondered why.

All the times that Sam watched, he didn't see that Dean was still grieving for the loss of his brother. He didn't see that Dean was plagued with nightmares about his little brother being tortured in Hell... that Dean was struggling with memories of his past life and trying desperately to justify himself to his 'apple pie' life. The emotional pain in Dean's face that was so obvious to Lisa escaped Sam completely.

Sam thought Dean seemed to be good at normal. He remembered telling Dean not to try to get him back from Hell and that he should go and live that 'apple pie' life. Dean had promised. Sam couldn't remember why this was such a good thing. He knew he would never be able have what Dean had. He would never stop hunting. It's all he knew how to do. It's all he wanted to do. And Alta was perfect for him. She was a hunter. She could share his life. They could hunt together. She didn't need "apple pie'.

Lisa was perfect for Dean. She was normal. Together they could live a normal life. Sam remembered the promise between them and he resolved to leave Dean to his life and move on. _Better for both of us._ But he would come by from time to time to watch and to make sure Dean was still good at normal.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Looks like a job in Maine." Samuel had called Sam into his office at the Compound.

"What are we hunting?"

He turned his laptop around to Sam. "Five men missing in Bristol." Sam wondered how he had found this. Samuel didn't much care for the internet. Someone else usually had to find the information and bring it to him. He looked it over. It seemed intriguing.

"Looks like a case." Sam agreed. "What's the plan?"

"We go up there as FBI, investigate and see if we can find whatever it is. Just you and me on this one Sam. That's the usual for this kind of hunt."

"OK. I can be packed and ready in about an hour."

"No, first thing in the morning's fine. Get some rest."

Sam didn't need rest but he knew Samuel did. "Fine, I'll be here six am."

Sam walked out of Samuel's office and into the common room. Christian and Mark were there cleaning weapons. Sam nodded and walked past them. He was focused on Alta. He stood beside her. She looked up. He locked eyes with her and gave a quick little nod toward the door, his eyes questioning. She smiled. _How can I resist him_? She thought.

Samuel stepped out of his office in time to see Alta leaving with Sam. _I've got to put a stop to this._ He thought. _It can't be good for her._ Samuel knew Sam couldn't possibly have any real feeling for her or anyone else. How could he? He didn't have a soul. But Samuel was wrong. Sam did have feelings for Alta, the only feelings he could have. His feelings were those that came from somewhere other than the soul. He wanted her and in his mind he had claimed her. She was right for him.

Once they were in Sam's apartment he poured her a drink. "I'm going on a case with Samuel in the morning. We're going to Maine."

"What are you hunting?"

"We don't know yet. We're going as FBI to research. Whatever it is, we'll find it."

"No doubt. Be careful. You won't have me for backup." She smiled, only half serious.

"I didn't think of that."

She was a little hurt. He didn't even think about her going with him? Was he that focused that she didn't cross his mind? He noticed her expression and felt her unease. Once again he knew she wanted something from him but was unsure what.

"I could tell Samuel you're coming with." It was close but not quite on the mark. He could tell. "I'd rather have you for back up than Samuel." still not quite on the mark but the best he could do. He sighed.

"Don't be ridiculous. There'll be something else to do, I'm sure. I might go out with Christian and the others."

"No, don't!"

"What?"

"Don't go on a hunt without me. I won't to be there to back you up." He was suddenly jealous. It was a new feeling for him… a feeling that had to do with possessing her not loving her. A feeling not from the soul but from more base instincts.

"Hold on there, cowboy!" Her eyes flew wide open and she squared herself in front of him. _He is not going leave me for a hunt and tell me I have to sit at home and wait on him! _"You don't get to tell me what to do. I was hunting with my cousins long before you came into the picture _AND _I can handle myself on a hunt as well as anyone! Including you."

"I know you can." he sensed her anger. He knew she was right. He'd misjudged her again but he was learning. If nothing else he could quickly regroup. "You're right. I just... don't know what I was thinking."

"You're jealous!"

"No. I just like you hunting with me."

"Well, you're going to be off hunting with Samuel and I may or may not hunt. Depends on what's going on." She smiled at him. "But don't try to deny it! You are jealous. You're just going to have to get over it"

"I guess I will." he thought about this jealous feeling he had. He decided if she didn't like it then it wasn't good. He would control it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_***** The episode 'Unforgiven' has flashbacks of the hunt for the Arachne in Maine. I will not try to rewrite the entire episode here. *****_

"Thank you, Mrs. Harris." Sam was posing as an FBI Agent questioning a friend and fellow teacher of one of the five missing men. He was a teacher at the local community college.

"Please call me Debbie, Agent Roark." She stood and walked from behind her desk. Her eyes roved over his body. _I loved the way his body looks in that dark suit._ "I'll walk you out."

They stepped out into an empty hall and began walking toward the exit. He could feel her desire for him. He stopped and turned to her. He moved closer. She turned to him, her back against the wall. He was so tall, so broad... She felt cornered. He was drawn to the excitement he felt from her... he could smell it… could see it in her eyes.

"You've been very helpful... Debbie." He looked down at her, just a hint of a smile. He pulled a card from the inside pocket of his coat. "Call me if you think of anything else." He held out his card for her. She pulled her fingers over his as she took the card.

"I can think of plenty." She grabbed his tie and pulled his face down to hers. He let her kiss him... felt her lips on his. Her tongue slid across his lips. He could taste her desire. When she broke off the kiss, she still held his tie and she pulled him into the nearest door. It was the men's restroom. She glanced around. It was empty. He didn't care. He grabbed her. One large hand on either side of her face he pressed his mouth to hers... hard. He thrust his tongue into her mouth. He knew what she wanted. Knew she wanted him hard and fast... He felt himself swell.

She reached up running her hands across his shoulders shoving his jacket aside. He grabbed her waist picking her up and she wrapped her legs around him. Two long fast strides and he had her on the counter, her back against the mirror. Her hands slid through his hair as she kissed him, sucking his tongue into her mouth. He felt the white hot pressure in his groin.

He pushed her skirt up and pulled her hips forward to the edge of the counter. He watched her as he pulled her legs apart and moved his hands up her thighs. He pulled her panties aside and pushed two long fingers into her. He watched her groan and saw the smile on her face.

"Cuff me!" she whispered it into his mouth. He quickly withdrew his fingers and unzipped his pants. Withdrawing his long hard erection he plunged into her. She gasped... he moaned and grabbed her hands pulling them down and behind her. He held her with thumb and forefinger wrapped tightly around each wrist. Lust replaced smiles with straining grimaces as he thrust hard and fast into her. His face was dark and hard. She felt his power... saw his darkness... she trembled.

He was beyond groaning. She thought she heard him growling. It pushed her over the edge and he felt her spasm around him and he tightened his grip around her wrists and pulled her against him. He trust hard and ground his body against her. "Is this what you want?" he growled out the words as he shot white hot juices deep inside her.

His head rested against the mirror as he released her hands. He pulled out of her and helped her down from the counter. He zipped his pants and straightened his tie. Looking down at her he said, "Next time I'll bring my cuffs."

She was still panting, her legs a little wobbly. "Oh... OK..." She straightened her skirt and ran her fingers through her hair. He was already out the door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Sam saw it, there was only one way to get this creature, this Arachne. They didn't know what it looked like, didn't have a clue how to capture it or kill it, and they didn't know where it hid. They had to lay a trap. It was simple. They just needed the right bait. They had to use the sheriff. Sam knew Samuel wouldn't like it. So he set it up himself. As they sat together at a local restaurant Sam pulled out his cell phone and called the sheriff.

"That's right. Lonely Pines Park. One hour. Thanks, Roy." Sam flipped the phone closed.

"You sure about this?" Samuel looked at Sam. He didn't like this plan. He didn't like being manipulated and Sam was proving to be a master at manipulating.

"The Arachne's been snacking on mid-thirties guys. We need bait that fits the demo. I'm too young. You're too old."

"89 and counting." Samuel gave a little smile. Then he turned serious again. "I still think we should've looped Roy in on the plan."

"Do we want a credible performance or don't we? Roy's a big boy. He'll be fine."

"It's just not the way I'm used to doing things." Samuel's discomfort was growing with every word that came out of Sam's mouth.

"Got it." Sam nodded at Samuel then stood to leave. "Welcome to the future." He walked out, leaving Samuel to stare after him.

They staked out in the park watching as Roy arrived looking for them. Samuel thought they were too far. He pulled out his binoculars to get a good look.

"Let's hope this thing's hungry." Sam said as he focused on Roy. Samuel looked at him. He was focused on Roy, like he was watching a rat in a trap. Samuel swallowed hard and looked into his binoculars again. They watched as the creature attacked. She was too fast and got away with Roy before they could get to him.

"Split up we'll look for him." Samuel started out. Sam reached out and held him back.

"It's too late."

"Let's go!" Samuel screamed.

"They're gone, Samuel!" Sam screamed back. Then he calmed. "Look it's OK. I turned on the GPS on Roy's cell."

"In English, please."

"We can track him back to wherever she goes." Sam's look was unmistakably self-satisfied. Samuel realized it was exactly what Sam had planned. He felt like he did when Crowley was manipulating him.

"So what, Roy's just Spider bait?"

"No, of course not. This is my back up plan." He knew Sam was lying. He'd set Roy up… used him as bait. He hated being a part of this.

"My God, son. You're about as cold as they come. You know that?"

"Let's go." Sam's mouth was a hard thin line as he turned away from Samuel. It was a good plan and it was going to work. He wished Samuel would shut up and get on board. He needed the back up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam and Samuel left Maine in the dead of night. Sam thought the hunt had gone well. Samuel thought it was a disaster. A half dozen dead bodies, one of them the sheriff, a cop beaten nearly to death and left on the side of the road and the monster they were supposed to capture... dead.

Sam closed his eyes and felt the pain in his right shoulder as it radiated off the gash he held tightly. He thought about Alta. He hadn't thought about her since they left the Compound for Maine five days ago. Sam dug his cell phone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial.

"Sam! You OK?"

"Yea. We're done. On our way back. Are you at the apartment?"

"Yes. I'll be here when you get home."

_Home._ _Was that place home? The apartment?_ Sammy's memories didn't include a home... only a rapid succession of apartments and motel rooms. But it sounded nice.

"Good" Sam flipped the phone closed, abruptly ending the call.

Alta looked at her suddenly dead phone quizzically. _Well, can't wait to see you either! _She sighed. _A man of few words... very few._

Samuel drove in silence listening to Sam's end of the short conversation with Alta. He glanced at his grandson in the darkness, his face appearing and disappearing as the lights outside came and went. _How can this be Mary's son?_ He thought of his daughter and wondered what she would think of her soulless boy. Samuel wondered if he would ever make peace with this life and the deal he had made with Crowley. How could he have known it would lead to this? He'd agreed to hunt for a demon, capturing creatures. That wasn't so bad. He could deal with that. After all they were monsters. But with Sam in the picture it was different. The more he was around his grandson; the more he hated this deal. He knew Sam wasn't the person he'd been when he had a soul. But this is who he was now and Samuel hated it.

Sam without a soul was an awesome hunter. He would face anything, any monster and never flinch, not once. Sam's ability to focus was like nothing Samuel had ever seen. He would stay on task for hour's even days. And he was smart. Sam Winchester was like a machine. And that was the problem. Like a machine, he had no feelings. Sam was ruthless. He'd shot six men in the head back in Bristol. He didn't even consider trying to save the unfortunate victims of the Arachne… just killed them... never gave it a second thought. _They're already dead._ Sam had said. Samuel wasn't sure Sam didn't like what he did just a little. He shuttered.

And then there was Alta. Samuel could tell she had feelings for Sam. And if he had any doubts that Sam couldn't possibly return her feelings, these past days had erased any of them. If Alta knew about the men he'd shot or how many women Sam had screwed on this trip it would break her heart.

"How's your shoulder?"

"I'll make it till I get... home."

"Was that Alta?"

"Yes, why?"

"I just... " _Soul or no soul, he's my grandson, Mary's son. I have to help him_. Samuel resolved to try. "It's just that Alta deserves better... She deserves to be treated with respect."

"What do you mean?" Sam wasn't angry, he was curious. He had no idea what Samuel was getting at.

"She move into your apartment?"

"She brought some clothes and she's been staying with me since we hunted the Vamps."

"Whose idea was that?"

"I asked her."

"Does she think you love her?"

_Does she think I love her? Do I love her?_ He wondered. _How would I know? What would that feel like?_ "I please her. She pleases me."

If Samuel didn't know that Sam was without his soul, he would have left him on the side of the road. "My God, son! You are the coldest man I ever met."

"You told me that before. Tell me what you mean?" Sam seemed earnest.

"Sam I'm going to help you. But you're going to have to listen to me. We're going to have to talk about what you did to Roy and we're going to have to talk about Alta. Do you want to keep her or is she just a passing fancy?"

"She's perfect for me. We're both hunters. We can share the life."

"Well you need to change up some things."

"Alright, shoot."

Sam listened and he thought about the things Samuel said. When they arrived at the Compound, Sam had learned a lot from his grandfather… a lot about love. He didn't understand love, but he knew what it looked like. He knew how it acted. A lot of what Samuel had said sounded like Dean and Lisa. It made sense. And he thought he knew what Alta wanted from him. He decided that Samuel was good for him. He didn't agree with all Samuel said but he had a better idea of how to act to fit in and what things he should hide.

Sam eased himself out of the van and leaned against the door. Blood soaked through his shirt and jacket. But the pain in his shoulder had eased considerably over the long trip.

"Let's get you inside and we'll see to that shoulder."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I missed you." Sam had scooped Alta into a tight hug. They stood together, her cheek pressed against his chest, his resting atop her head. He could feel her tremble. Such a simple phrase brought such a strong reaction from her. He grasped her face, pulling it up to look at him. He gazed into her eyes and saw tears. He was stunned. "What is it?"

"I didn't think you..." she hesitated. She reeked of so many emotions. Sam felt Alta's fear, her relief, her joy, and love all mingled together and it was overpowering. He held her close, their lips almost touching. "I want you." She felt his breath on her lips. She sighed and he breathed it in. They locked in a lingering kiss. She felt so different from the others. She was different. She was his.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Where's my spider woman, Samuel?" Crowley's hands were in the pockets of his expensive wool coat. He slowly circled around Samuel. "You were supposed to bring her to me alive! That was the deal."

"Sam killed her." Samuel cringed, waiting for Crowley's reaction.

"Yes I know. Cut her head right off." he gazed up at Samuel, his eyes unreadable. "Well, it's all part of the learning process, I suppose." Samuel hated it when Crowley acted magnanimous. "I got you a bull dog to help you capture my spider and you let it bite her head off! You need to train your dog better." Crowley laughed.

"He's my grandson."

"Yes, well need I remind you who owns your grandson?" Crowley loved gloating, especially over Sam Winchester. In life Sam hated Crowley and tried to kill him more than once. So controlling Sam, manipulating him delighted Crowley even if it was without his knowledge, even if it was without his soul. "I own you too for that matter and I'm telling you to get him under control and do your job!" Crowley's finger punched at Samuels gut like he was wielding a knife emphasizing each of the last three words.

"He wasted six men. Helpless, innocent men. Just shot each one in the head. He didn't hesitate, he didn't even flinch." Samuel flinched. He flinched with every shot. He'd never witnessed anything quite like it.

"I know!" Crowley beamed. "Wasn't he magnificent?"

"I don't know how to control something like that." Samuel was getting desperate.

"Yes you do! You have the trump card and you know it." Crowley locked eyes with him, and raised his brows indicating that he knew. _Damn!_ _Crowley knows everything!_ "You just have to play it right. You're his grandfather. You're his family. With Dean out of the picture you're all he's got. He'll come round to following you." He was grinning again, that awful evil grin. "Sounds like you got a nice head start on your way home. Nice talk. I think you got through to him. Just don't pussy him up too much. A bull dog without a bite is no use to anyone."

"He's not your bull dog. He's my grandson."

"That's what I'm telling you. And the Winchester's have always been all about family. He had it drilled into his head from the time he was a baby. It's still there. You just have to tap it. Get rid of anything that stands between you and him. Keep Dean out of the picture. Oh, and you better get rid of that girl he attached himself to."

"No!"

"No?" Crowley smirked. "You'd better break them up or you'll never control him. You have to be the only person he trusts. Let him play around all he wants. He is a man. He has needs. But don't let him get attached to anybody but you."

Samuel frowned. He didn't like the way this was going. He thought Sam might be able to build a relationship with Alta. It would be good for Sam. Maybe make him more human. He could learn to care, couldn't he?

"Don't kid yourself" It was as if Crowley could read his mind. "Sam Winchester doesn't care about her. He can't. He doesn't have a soul. Whatever he feels for her, it isn't love. That's not possible. It's more like lust with perhaps a little need sprinkled in." he snickered. "Believe me the moment he doesn't want her or need her anymore he won't give her a second thought."

Samuel knew Crowley was right. And he hated it.

**_TBC..._**

**_I hope you enjoy. As always, comments and R&R are welcomed._**


	4. Chapter 4

_**I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters. I didn't invent soulless Sam, but I do enjoy writing him. Alta is my own creation. I don't profit from my stories. It's just for enjoyment**_

**"Weapon"**

-_Matthew Good_

Here by my side, an angel

Here by my side, the devil

Never turn your back on me

Never turn your back on me, again

Here by my side, it's Heaven

Here by my side, you are destruction

Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world

Never turn your back on it

Never turn your back on it, again

Here by my side, it's Heaven

Careful, be careful

Careful, be careful

This is where the world drops off

Where the world drops off

Careful, be careful

You breathe in and you breathe out

For it ain't so weird

How it makes you a weapon

And you give in

And you give out

For it ain't so weird

How it makes you a weapon

Never turn your back on it

Never turn your back on it again

Careful, be careful

Here by my side, it's Heaven

Family Secrets Chapter 4

She didn't open her eyes as she slipped her hand across the bed meeting nothing but cold sheets. Sam was up already. He was always up. She wondered at how little he slept. She listened. Sometimes she would hear his breathing, the deep rush of inhale/exhale as he exercised. Usually she would hear the faint tapping of keys on the laptop as he searched for cases. She heard neither this morning.

Alta threw off the covers and sat on the side of the bed. Her clothes, discarded hurriedly on the floor last night had been folded and laid across the foot of the bed. _God, the man was such a neat freak._ It didn't bother her... much... but she wondered if it bothered him that she wasn't that neat. _I don't think anybody is a neat as this_. She looked around the room. _There is nothing in this room! No paintings on the walls... no knick knacks... no memorabilia... no life. This is like a prison cell!_ She decided she would do something to fix it. She would do it today.

When Sam returned with coffee and breakfast he found the apartment empty. She'd left in a hurry. The bed was made but there was no cereal bowl, no juice glass. She didn't take time to eat. He looked for any sign of the supernatural. No sulfur, no EMF... He was satisfied she was safe. He ate both of the croissant's he'd bought took his coffee and headed to the Campbell Compound.

Sam returned to the apartment at nearly seven that evening. He noticed the differences immediately. Just a few changes made quite an impact. He stood in the doorway gazing around the room. Alta watched him, trying to gauge his reaction as he walked slowly to the wall and gazed at one of the pair of paintings she'd hung. Both were landscapes, riversides with dark slow moving water and large ancient trees growing close to the banks and hanging out low over the water. A lonely empty boat pulled up the bank rested at the trunk of one of the trees. He moved to the second painting. His face was unreadable.

"I found them at a gallery downtown. Some unknown French artist, late nineteenth century. Somebody cleaned out their attic, no doubt..." He didn't respond, just continued to gaze at the second painting. "They're dark, I know but I like dark." He gave a fleeting smile. _Finally a reaction._

"Character." he stated flatly. Then he turned and his eyes fell on the lamps and the few knick knacks she had placed on the end tables.

"The place just looked like a monastery or something. It needed a little personality." She still couldn't tell what he felt about the changes. "If you don't like it... It is your place... But I thought... "She was beginning to babble.

"It's good. I just never would have thought of this stuff." He smiled. An approving smile. "You're right. It makes the place more like a home. You're good at this." Sam didn't understand the beauty of the paintings or the need for the decorations but he recognized that it looked normal. And she wanted it. "It's good Alta, thanks."

She closed the distance between them, slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He remembered this. Last time she did this he tried to take her and she tried to kick his ass for it. So he wrapped his arms around her and held her... waiting. It occurred to him that she cared for him. She loved him. He wondered why. And he wondered what he was supposed to do now.

"Alta?"

"Shhhh." She leaned back looking up at him. "I'm starving."

"Yea, me too. Let's go down to the pub."

As they ate, he told her about the research he done that day. "It's a routing salt and burn."

"Samuel's not much on hauntings. He generally goes more for creatures. What'd he say?"

"He doesn't know about it. I'm going without him. I want you to back me up."

"You're not going to tell him? Wouldn't it be better if we had more hunters?"

"No. We don't need an entourage. We go in. Just you and me, lean and fast." He looked at her. The challenge in his eyes was obvious. He stood, threw money on the table and waited for her to join him.

Back in the apartment she tried again to voice her concern. "Are you sure about this, Sam? I've been hunting with the Clan all my life. Before Samuel, before you... it's just not the way we do things. We don't go off on our own like this."

"I've been hunting all my life too. And I do what I think is the best for the hunt. You're the best hunter in the Campbell Clan and I want you hunting with me. We can still hunt with them. Believe me, Samuel will accept this. He won't have a choice."

"You're going to tell him?"

"Yea, I'll call him in the morning." He could feel she was still apprehensive. He wrapped his arms around her. "I've got your back. Believe me; I won't let anything happen to you."

"Sam, I..."

He didn't want to discuss it anymore. _She's smart. If she keeps pecking at this, she'll figure it out. _He kissed her, pulling her close to him. "Don't worry." He kissed her again. "Just don't." Sam knew he had to stop her from asking too many questions. He needed to distract her and he knew just how to do it. He ran his hands through her hair. "Alta." He whispered her name. He could feel her beginning to calm.

The hunter in Alta was on edge. Instincts told her she was being manipulated. But she trusted Sam. She was in love with him and she thought he loved her. So she tried to push her unease aside, but she wondered. _Is he just using me?_ Doubts began to cloud her thoughts. Then she felt his hands running through her hair. He tilted her face up to meet his kiss. It was so soft... gentle... almost reverent. Breaking the kiss he spoke softly into her mouth, "Come". He pulled her with him to the bed.

He began to slowly undress her, kissing her softly as he removed each piece of clothing. Her shirt went first. His kisses started at her throat and trailed down between her breasts. She reached behind to unfasten her bra and his hands captured her breasts. He alternately kissed each one sucking the nipples into his mouth. Her breath came in gasps... her doubts fading into the sensual clouds of desire.

He felt her desire rising and her doubts fading. He began to trail licks and kisses down her body, unfastening her jeans and pulling them from her hips. She lifted to allow him to pull them along with her panties from her and tossing them to the floor. She felt his hands along the inside of her thighs. He continued trailing his kisses down across her belly as he pulled her legs apart. Any doubts… any thoughts of the hunt were gone in a haze of passion.

"Oh God, Sam." The prayer escaped her lips like a plea. His large hands covered her butt as he grasped her and pulled her up to his face. She felt his breath on her and she spread further open for him. His long tongue raked between her lips and found the bundle of nerves at her core. She heard herself whine and couldn't stop the shivers that ran through her body. He ran his tongue across her clit again. She felt one hand drift toward her core and she knew... she hoped... she was breathless... She felt his long finger slip into her and she gasped, "Oh, yes... yes!"

He glanced up at her. "I know." She rose up; supporting herself on her arms and saw him looking up at her, his smile was devious as his tongue snaked out to rake across her again. His fingers found her sweet spot and pushed up making her swell as he sucked her clit into his mouth. He felt her tremble and raked his tongue across her. Her hips rose up to meet him. Her head fell back. Her breath came in gasps and he felt and smelled and tasted the sudden rush of her orgasm and he sucked her, holding her in his mouth and working his fingers inside her until she screamed.

Alta lay breathless on the bed watching him undress. She reached for him as he held himself above her. Sam kissed her, running his tongue across her lips and sliding into her mouth to play along the tip of her tongue. "Taste how good you are..." He whispered the words into her mouth. "... how good you smell." He breathed deep as he slid into her. She began to rock against him... licking his lips... tasting her own juices on his mouth. She licked and sucked at his lips. She felt his deep breaths as he thrust into her. She reached to clutch his butt and pull him deeper into her. Her legs wrapped around him. She gazed into his eyes as he plunged deeper and faster until she reached a second climax. As he groaned with pleasure she felt his hot juices fill her.

He lay beside her spooning her against him in their favorite position. Her head tucked under his chin and his body blanketed around her.

"You love me." It was a statement, not a question. "I can feel it... I can smell it all over you."

"That's sex. Not the same thing as love." She knew she was falling in love with him but she wasn't sure where he was going with this. Was he going to say he loved her? Somehow she didn't think so.

"That's not what I'm talking about." She could dance around the truth. He didn't care. But he knew she was falling in love with him and it felt like power. "You definitely smell like sex. Especially now. But... I don't know how to explain it but I know. You can't hide it. It oozes from your pores."

"You're..."

"Shhhh. Don't say anything." she fidgeted. "Shhh, shhh, shhh. Just close your eyes."

Sam held her close, waiting to feel her body relax into sleep.

Alta woke up in bed alone again. She wondered if he slept at all. Her clothes so hastily discarded on the floor last night… again… were folded and laid on the foot of the bed… again and Sam was nowhere to be seen. She got clean clothes and headed for the shower. He was waiting when she came out of the bathroom.

"Let's get going. I've packed the car. We can stop for breakfast on the way."

"Let me just throw some things in my..." she looked around, searching."... duffel..." She raised empty hands.

"Already packed and in the car."

"Sam. How do you know...?"

"I know what you carry. I've watched you pack." She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Did you call Samuel?"

"You're stalling."

"And you're avoiding the question."

"Look, I'm doing this. Are you with me or not?" There was no anger in his voice. He showed no emotion. It seemed like just a simple question.

"And if I'm not?"

"Then I'll go myself. But I want you with me. I need the back up."

They stood looking at each other. She sighed. "Fine, I'm in. Let's roll."

Xxxxxxxx

What Sam had said was a routine salt & burn turned out to be something quite different. Alta was still unclear on some of the details but she couldn't imagine how a hunter with as much experience and knowledge as Sam could be so wrong about his prey. It didn't quite add up.

The haunting was supposed to be of an old abandoned school house on the outskirts of Springfield Missouri. Alta's first clue came at the trunk of the Charger. She took her side arm which Sam had loaded with silver bullets. No good against a spirit but, _just in case_ he said. He stuffed his pistol in the back of his jeans. Sam carried his pistol like that from childhood. It was the way his father had taught him… hidden but easily accessible. She grabbed her shot gun… rock salt. He took his shotgun but didn't check it. Then he grabbed his duffel.

"We need to be prepared for anything. You never know. What looks like a haunting might be something else altogether. "He opened the duffel and began to go over the contents with her. Rope, iron knife which he handed to her, silver knife which he put in his jacket pocket. Small machete which he handed to her and she put in her belt. Large machete which he put in an inside pocket of his jacket. Extra shells and bullets among other items.

"We're not armed for a spirit, Sam. What is this?"

"I just want to be prepared for anything." His face was sincerely contrived and she could tell he was hiding something.

"Bullshit!"

He looked at her but didn't speak. She drew her pistol and leveled it at him. "Silver works on humans too, Sam. I threatened to shoot you once before and if you don't tell me the truth, I'm gonna make good on that threat right now."

"Alright." He raised his hands in surrender. "I think it's a djinn." She gave him an incredulous look. "Dean and I killed one a while back. I'm pretty sure that's what it is."

"We should have the others with us. This is too dangerous for two. We need more back up."

"No. If we come in mass that will just drive it underground. We'll never capture it."

"Capture it? This is crazy! If we're going to do this we need to kill it."

"No we can do it. I know we can. Listen. I'll go in first, as bait." He seemed to be pleading with her. "You follow. The rope is soaked in Lambs blood. That should hold him." He took another rope from the trunk and attached it to his belt. "If we have to, we kill it. Your knife is dipped in lamb's blood, so is mine. That should do it."

She just looked at him. Somewhere in the midst of this unbelievable discussion she had put her gun back in its holster. God, she hated being manipulated. And she had just been played in spades. Every instinct told her not to do this. But the fact was that she loved him and it clouded her judgment and he knew it. "If we get out of this alive, I _am_ gonna shoot you."

They climbed the chain link fence that surrounded the grounds and Alta picked the lock to a side door. Sam entered first while she waited. "Give me five minutes. That should be enough time to tip him off that I'm here."

No one could move through a dark building like Sam Winchester. He'd been doing this drill since he was six years old. Stealth was second nature to him. Sticking to the shadows with well-placed steps he went in undetected. He found the lair. Bodies were hanging in differing states of decay. Some were still alive, barely. Blood bags were attached to them slowly draining them of life. The djinn was not here now. Sam found a perch where he could be hidden. He could see the entrance, the entire room and get quickly to the floor. He slid into shadow and waited for his plan to unfold.

Within minutes he saw Alta enter the room. He barely caught sight of her. She was good. Moving silently, sticking to shadows. But he saw her and he was betting that as good as she was she didn't go unnoticed by the djinn. And he was right. He heard nothing, but he saw the slightest movement on the opposite side of the room. He watched as the djinn crept silently toward her. She didn't catch it. She would soon, he was sure of it. He just hoped the creature would get close enough before she saw it so that he could make the capture.

When she entered the room, she slipped into the shadows. She noticed the bodies and looked for Sam and the djinn. She saw neither. Slowly, quietly she began to work her way around the room. About halfway around, she saw it. Just a slight movement, off to the left, behind her. Instincts told her that she was no longer the hunter, she was the prey. Her pistol was in her right hand and she slowly reached for the knife with her left. She wondered why she was alone. _Where the Hell was Sam?_ Sam watched from his perch hidden in shadow. He didn't move. He didn't want to alert the djinn to the trap. Timing was everything.

He watched as the creature crept closer to her. She listened, waiting until it was close enough for her to strike a killing blow. Moments stretched infinitely as they both waited for the right instant. She knew she had to strike first. Sam knew she was ready to turn, his muscles bunched ready to spring from his perch. She turned to face the djinn. He hit the floor running, the rope stretched from hand to hand across his wide arm span. He looped the rope around the djinn and pulled him away from her and her knife sliced empty space. The djinn struggled, but Sam had wrapped it securely and as the lamb's blood began to soak through to its skin the djinn dropped limp to the floor.

Alta heaved a sigh and stood staring at Sam. "Where the Hell were you? What the fuck, Sam?"

He grabbed her. "Are you alright?"

"No… no you don't." She brushed his hands away. "What just happened here? You set me up! You bastard!"

"No, no… No, I didn't." He actually looked hurt. It was the most emotion she seen him show since she'd met him. "I wouldn't do that." He sighed. "I went on further in…" he motioned toward a door on the far side of the room. "I doubled back. I thought I missed something." He looked so sincere. "Thank God. I got here just in time." He reached a hand to touch her face. "What would I have done?" He gently pulled her against him, cradled her face against his chest. She was stiff, still processing what had happened. "How could you think I would risk losing you?" He continued to hold her, waiting. Waiting for the fear to subside, waiting for her doubts to clear. He would wait for as long as it took.

_**TBC-**_

_**Hope you enjoyed! Comments and R&R are welcomed.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**I don't own Supernatural; I'm just obsessed by it. I don't profit from my stories. I just do this because I can't stop myself… **_

**No one knows what it's like**

**To be the bad man**

**To be the sad man**

**Behind blue eyes**

**No one knows what it's like**

**To be hated**

**To be fated**

**To telling only lies**

_Behind Blue Eyes – The Who_

**Family Secrets chapter 5**

Sam was still pumped from the hunt. It had gone exactly as he'd planned. Perfect. They'd caught the djinn alive and he couldn't wait to dump it a Samuel's feet. A display of power. And Alta was perfect for him. He knew she would be. She was good, the best of the Campbell's. And she was with him. Another display of power. They stood over the limp body of the djinn. He held her, feeling her excitement from the hunt, her fear, her anger, all the emotion poured out of her and flowed through him like electricity. He wanted her… needed her… now, but he would wait, wait for her anger to subside.

Alta didn't know what to believe. Her hunter instincts told her it was a set up. He'd used her for bait. The thought that he would do that to her… send her into that kind of danger without her knowledge was beyond forgiveness. She felt betrayed. And it broke her heart. She began to tremble as tears welled up and spilled over. She choked back angry sobs. And the tears made her all the angrier.

"Alta. I'm…" before he could finish whatever he was about to say, she pushed away from him and landed a right hook to his jaw. _Damn! That felt good!_ She'd found an outlet for her pain and anger.

"Don't you dare!" The heel of her left hand connected with his nose with a force that sent him back a step. She followed with a boot to his midsection that didn't quite floor him, but sent him stumbling back several more steps. She quickly closed the distance between them and felt the pain as her right fist again connected with his jaw. She stepped back, sucked in a deep breath and tried to shake out the pain in her right hand. "You're a heartless bastard!" She could barely choke out the words.

Alta looked at Sam. He stood still, with his hands stretched out beside him in surrender. Blood ran from his nose and dripped down his shirt. His face was soft… his eyes gentle. He had not made a move to defend himself.

"Go ahead, beat me. Do whatever you need to. But believe me; I don't want to lose you." _That much was true._ "I want you with me." _Also true. _"Always." _Mostly true_. "I would never risk losing you." _Again…_

"You wanted that djinn alive so much that you set me up as bait. Don't you understand? You betrayed me! You sonofabitch!"

"Alta, it's not like that. You think capturing him alive was more important to me than you?" He stepped around her to stand over the helpless creature. Sam pulled out the silver knife, knelt down and with what sounded like a low growl he plunged it into the djinn's heart. The lamb's blood on the knife had its desired effect and the creature gasped, sputtered and died. He wanted the creature alive, but he wanted her more. He was certain that he needed her. He would do whatever he had to do to convince her. He placed the blade back in his pocket. "Please. You're wrong about me." He gingerly touched his hand to his nose. "You're wrong about what happened here."

A couple of hours later Sam pulled in at a small roadside motel. "I need a shower. I think we'd both feel better." He booked a room for them. Alta walked through the room glancing at the one Queen sized bed as she proceeded directly to the shower. When Sam emerged from the bathroom, she was waiting, sitting on the end of the bed.

"Sam, I don't know what to think about you anymore. I thought I knew you but now I'm thinking I was wrong. You need to tell me who you are. You need to tell me what happened to you."

"You mean you want me to tell you about Hell. You want to hear about my ordeal with Lucifer and Michael? You want me to relive that for you?" He looked away as if he was gazing at some far landscape. His lips parted, his teeth showed in something not a smile, not a grimace. "I can't talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to remember." Truth is he had no memory of the cage. He was pulled out too soon after jumping to have any memory. Sammy was the one living the torment of Hell… the ordeal with Lucifer and Michael. Sam had to make her think he was like Sammy. It was the only way to get her to believe him. How could he do that? He hardly knew Sammy. He had to think of something. "I need some air." He left her and walked out to the car.

Sam's cell rang. He glanced at the name and opened the phone.

"Samuel."

"Sam. Where've you been? It's been a couple of days. I haven't heard from you."

"I'm taking some time off… with Alta."

"Are you hunting?"

"No. We wanted some time alone."

"Yea, well, I need you both back here. We got all manner of supernatural shit hitting the fan."

"You got plenty of hunters."

"Yea, but you two are my best."

"You'll have to make do. We'll be a few more days." He flipped the phone shut and stared at it for a moment. He couldn't take her back now. He had to convince her she was wrong about the hunt. He had to make her his again. Samuel didn't know him. Nobody really knew him. But he knew somebody who knew Sammy.

Sam went back to the room. "Get your stuff together. I want you to meet some people."

"No! I'm going back to the Compound, with you or without you."

"Alta, you want to know who I am. I can't tell you, but I can show you. Please, just come with me. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."

She sighed and looked at him for a long moment. He waited. He could see the indecision on her face. Finally she made up her mind. "Alright, Sam."

"Good, we're heading west."

He took her to Dean and Lisa's house. He showed her how he watched from outside. They could see into the picture window through the living room and into the dining room. There Dean sat at the head of the table with Lisa and Ben at each side. They were smiling, laughing… enjoying each other. "That's my brother. Before I… said yes to Lucifer, I made him promise me that he wouldn't try to get me back."

"You thought it would be over?"

"Yes. And I made him promise me that he would find Lisa and live an 'apple pie' life."

"So he did… He's never tried to find you?" Sam didn't respond. "You didn't let him know you're back?" He continued watching the threesome eating. "Sam, he still thinks you're dead."

"Yes."

"But Sam, don't you thing he's grieving for you?"

"Yes." But he had no idea what that meant. Grief comes from the soul. Sam was clueless but he kept it from his face. Whatever it was, she couldn't know this about him.

"Shouldn't you just tell him the truth and let him decide what he wants?"

"This is the only way he can have this life and this family."

"But, you don't think he'd want to know you're alive?" _I'd want to know if I was in Dean's place. How could he not want to know?_

"Alta, Dean deserves this. All he's ever wanted was a family and he's good at it. I've watched him with Ben and Lisa… it's just better for him this way. If he knew I was back, he'd lose all this."

"What about you, Sam? What do you deserve?" He looked confused; as if it never occurred to him that he deserved anything. She ran her hand along his back. This was the saddest thing she'd ever seen. "You let Lucifer possess you and you somehow took control from him. Then you willingly jumped into Hell… You don't think you deserve something too?"

He didn't answer. He didn't know how to answer. What could he possibly deserve?

"Why do you come here and watch him like this?"

"I watch to make sure he's safe. Make sure nothing comes after him."

"That's all it is? Are you sure about that, Sam?"

This was becoming uncomfortable. She asked too many questions that he couldn't answer. Too many things he couldn't understand. "Come. We're still going west. Someone else I want you to meet."

Sam took Alta to Bobby.

"Sam." Bobby greeted him as he opened the door. "Good to see you again, boy." He eyed Alta and gave Sam a quizzical look.

"Hey, Bobby. This is Alta Campbell. She a cousin… second… third… something in the mix.' He turned to Alta. "This is Bobby Singer. I've known him as long as I can remember. He's like a father to me."

"I've heard of you Mr. Singer. Pleased to meet you."

"Bobby'll do. Nobody calls me Mr. Singer." He gave her a smile and an eye roll. "I don't recall Sam ever bringing a girl home to meet me. He picked a pretty one." He cut his eyes back at Sam but Sam's face was unreadable. "Come in." He gestured toward the living room.

They spent the afternoon talking. Sam told Bobby about some of their recent hunts. Bobby talked about Sammy, how he grew up and how close the brothers were. He talked about the years he watched Sammy grow up to be Sam. She could see the love Bobby had for him. And she heard about an intelligent, caring, strong and brave man. She heard stories of Sammy's life. And as the afternoon moved along her doubts and anger began to dissipate.

Bobby noticed the change in them. When they arrived, they rarely looked at each other and they sat apart. But it wasn't long before Alta began to glance at Sam more often and smile. Her stiffness faded and they were sitting side by side on the sofa, his arm draped across her shoulders and she leaning against him, closing the distance that had been between them.

"Well, I hope you'll stay for a spell. Sam you know where your room is. I'll fix us some supper. Sound like a plan?"

Xxxxx

"Where's Sam?"

Samuel sighed. "Why don't you just go ahead and tell me. That's what you're here for." He shrugged.

"Yes, Well… Sam and his girl went hunting. Did you know that?" Samuel didn't respond. "No, you didn't know." Crowley began pacing around Samuel… laying out the story for him. "They hunted a djinn. Sam found its lair, laid out a plan and caught it alive… for you. Let's see," He watched Samuel closely wanting to see him squirm. "That's Sam: 2, you: 0…. Wait for it…" he gave Samuel a snarky grin. "I… told… you… so!" Crowley shoved his hands in his overcoat pockets and reared back on his heels. "You want to know his plan? Of course you do. He used his lover for bait."

_Damn_! Samuel's gut wrenched and his eyes closed as if he could block out the image of Alta being sacrificed to the djinn.

"Don't look so pained. She's not dead. He captured the djinn and saved her too. Magnificent! Unfortunately it won't help you any. Because they had a lovers quarrel and he killed it… for her."

Samuel breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know where your grandson is now? He's not coming home to you. He's at Bobby Singers with his girlfriend in tow." Crowley watched the jealousy rage across Samuel's face. "That's right. The man who pretends to be Sam and Dean Winchester's father, Bobby Singer has not only your grandson, but your two best hunters." Crowley was inches from Samuel's face. "If you want to stay topside, if you want your precious Mary out, you better get him under your control and you better bring me creatures."

Xxxxx

After supper Alta walked out onto the porch. Sam followed her. She breathed in the night air and gazed out across the salvage yard.

"It's not the most romantic place I could bring you." Sam stood close behind her not touching. She remained silent for a moment.

"Maybe not, but it's nice. I like Bobby. It's been quite a ride, Sam. You've opened yourself up to me." She leaned against the railing keeping her back to him. "I think I know you better now."

He brushed her Hair back and caressed her cheek. She leaned into his caress. Her emotions were complex and he breathed in the scent of her like a fine wine. He could smell the last vestiges of her rage smoldering in the background, the sweet smell of her longing, the pungent smell of her desire and the intoxicating scent of her love for him. He gazed down at her, his eyes hazy with desire. His lips found hers and pressed a soft kiss.

Sam held her in a long slow deep kiss, running his tongue along her lips and darting into her mouth. She ran her tongue across his lips and he caught it, gently sucking it into his mouth. His hands slid down her back to grasp her and pull her against him. Calm… calm… calm… He broke off the kiss and gazed down at her. Her eyes were half closed with desire, her lips still pursed as if she could still feel his kiss. She looked like pure pleasure. He groaned. "Let's go upstairs…"

As they practically ran through the living room they gave unison "G'night Bobby" to their host who was sitting at his desk reading. He cocked his head and smiled as he heard Sam's big feet taking the stairs two at the time and Alta small ones running quickly behind him. "Ain't young love grand?" he snarked, then he smiled. "Yea, it is."

Sam made it to the door first opening it with one hand while he pulled Alta into the bedroom with the other. The door quickly closed behind them and both hands were pulling her closer to him. He laughed softly, "You're not gonna hit me are you?" She smiled… "No, not tonight."

He framed her face with his hands and held her with his eyes. "You asked me what I deserved." He kissed her softly. "I'm asking you; do I deserve you?"

"Maybe I should ask you that question."

"No… don't." Sam's gaze intensified. "Could you possibly love me?"

Alta whispered a sigh into his lips… "Yes." He captured her answer, breathing it in with a deep sigh. His lips soft on hers… his inhale her exhale.

He knew it was Sammy she was in love with but it was close enough. And Sammy was gone. He was here. She was his. The scent of her love was so intoxicating he began to swell. It was more powerful than any emotions he'd ever sensed in her before. More than lust. More than anger. It smelled like pure power. Power over her. "Alta…" His tongue played across her lips. Her mouth parted and she sucked him inside her. He explored her mouth, tasting her. "Sweet… so sweet." He walked them to the bed not daring to break the kiss.

It was Alta that broke the kiss. She began taking off her clothes. At first he watched, entranced but soon he began to follow her lead and they were both naked. She turned her back to him pulling back the bed covers. The slight bend of her body as she reached for the covers, the glimpse of her breast between her arm and her side, the roundness of her bottom… a soulless man couldn't appreciate her beauty but Sam Winchester came undone. He reached for her as she climbed into the bed. His hands were on her waste and he guided her onto the bed encouraging her onto her hands and knees. His large body covered her small frame and he buried his face in her hair at the nape of her neck and breathed in deep. He kneed her legs apart so that he knelt between them. She felt the burning desire deep in her core at the rush of moisture between her legs. He breathed deep and his hand moved across her body, his finger sliding into her lips and finding her clit he gently rubbed her. She moaned and spread wider for him. She felt his hot breath on her ear as he gave a low growl in response to her movement.

"Alta… you're making me crazy." It was truer than she could ever know. The power of her emotions, her desire and lust had always been heady to him. But the power of this newfound love in her drove through him like a bolt of lightning. "I can't wait… "He was painfully erect, needing the warm moistness he found in her. He pushed into her slowly as he grazed his fingers across her. He felt her tighten around him and his breath came in a long ragged inhale. He began the rhythmic thrusts that made her pant and push against him driving him deeper. His fingers began to massage in earnest. "Ooooo… "She cooed. His thrusts came faster and she could hear him growling with each one. He could feel her tensing ready to explode. "Come for me." His breath was hot in her ear. He felt her release and as she tightened around him he plunged deep and released his seed into her. She collapsed. He lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms.

She lay with her head on his chest and ran her hand across his hard smooth muscles. Her fingers slowly traced the pentagram tattoo on his chest then moved to run across the scars from old bullet wounds. He leaned against the headboard gazing down at her. One hand was buried in her hair caressing her head and the other behind his head.

"I won't lie to you. What you heard and saw today… that's who I was. I'm not the same. I'm different since I got back from the cage… really different. But I'm trying to figure it out and I'm better with you. You're right for me. I can feel it. Alta" His hand moved down to her neck. "I need you…" he nudged her to look up at him and he held her with his eyes. "… in ways you can't understand… I don't understand. I just know it's better with you."

_**TBC –**_

_**I hope you enjoy. As always, comments and R&R are welcomed.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Family Secrets Chapter 6a

I'll hide out in your space  
>Emptiness on my face<br>I'll be keeping you safe  
>When you're cold and alone<br>Until you come out and play

Here I am I don't wanna come out  
>Null to the bone, I don't wanna come out<br>I've been dead and I wanna come out  
>Call my name cause I wanna come out<br>Here I am and I wanna come out  
>Null to the bone, I don't wanna come out<br>I've been dead and I wanna come out  
>Call my name cause I wanna come out<p>

I'll hide out in your space  
>Emptiness on my face<br>I'll be keeping you safe  
>When you're cold and alone<br>Until you come out and play

- Sara Fimm - Afraid

"So, you two love birds ready for some breakfast?" Bobby was sitting at the kitchen table, a half-eaten plateful of scrambled eggs, bacon and toast in front of him. "There's plenty on the stove." he took a gulp of coffee.

Alta was grateful for the offer of food. She was starving. "Thanks!" She fixed herself a plate of breakfast. Sam silently slipped in the front door. He stopped in the hallway just out of sight of the two at the table and stood, his back against the wall listening.

"Sam not up yet?"

"Sam's out this morning. My guess is he's running or walking or wandering around, whatever he does half the night. Honestly, the man never seems to sleep." Bobby looked at her, his eyes thoughtful. She sat down next to him and returned his look. "I don't think I've ever seen him asleep. He's always up when I wake up and, it always looks as if he's been up for a while, no matter how early it is. Do you think...? " She left the question hanging in midair, unable to find exactly what was growing in her mind.

"Well, he's been through a lot. What with Satan wearing him to the prom and him appearing back topside and all... It's bound to have a major impact." Bobby shrugged his shoulders. "I'd say he'd be lucky if all he has to show for it is insomnia."

"I guess... "Alta was not convinced that's all there was to it. "Do you know what happened? When Sam talks about it he sounds like he's giving a book report or something and not a very good one. He doesn't show any feelings at all about what must have been major trauma."

"I'm not the best at the girly stuff." Bobby raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "And it's just not the Winchester way, talking about emotions and feelings."

"Yea, I get that. I'm not that much into crying and carrying on myself, but when he talks about anything from his past... I don't know... I don't know how to explain it..." She threw her hands up. "It's like somebody else's memories." she sighed. "You know him better than anybody else. Has he always been that way?"

Sam had heard enough. She was suspicious and closer to the truth than she could possibly realize. It was exactly how he felt, like the memories of his life were someone else's memories... Sammy's. And he wasn't sure if together she and Bobby couldn't figure out that he wasn't Sammy anymore... That he was someone different.

"Breakfast. Good, I'm hungry." Sam stepped into the kitchen. He smiled at Alta. She returned his smile then a hint of a look passed between her and Bobby._ Did you hear him come in the house? Was his entrance just a little too well timed? Was he listening at the door?_ The look didn't go unnoticed by Sam and he made sure they didn't have any more time alone together.

xxx

"It's been four days, Sam. You know what things are like. I need you and Alta to get back home." Samuel's voice was demanding but Sam could feel the hint of desperation hidden under the surface.

_Home?... Was the Campbell compound home?... Was the apartment home?... Bobby's?..._ Sam could feel an echo of Sammy's attachment to Bobby's and he wondered... maybe this is home. Bobby's was the closest Sammy had ever known to home, besides the Impala.

"Sam? I got a big case here. Another nest of Vamps."

"You do seem to favor Vamps." Sam was interested, maybe. He was always ready to hunt.

"I want to take the leader alive, just like we did in Indiana." Samuel knew the only way he could reach Sam was to entice him with a hunt. "I need you to take him for me."

Sam's eyes narrowed as he looked up the stairs toward the room where Alta was sleeping, his phone to his ear. He could hear the lie in Samuel's voice. "Call me when you actually have something." He flipped his phone closed. Sam was not ready to take Alta back to the Campbell's yet.

Samuel stared into the dead phone. _Damn!_ He laid the phone on his desk. He was still staring at it when Gwyn lightly knocked on the door. She pushed the door open and glanced inside to see him sitting in silence, his lips drawn into a tense line.

"Samuel?" Gwyn's voice was quiet though it was not timid.

"Gwynn!" It was as if Samuel suddenly woke up. "What is it?"

"Mark found some demon signs. Wyoming."

"Demons? He sure about that?"

"Pretty much. It looks right to me." She looked long and hard at Samuel. "We could use Alta and Sam on this one. Are they due back anytime soon?"

"It's hard to say. I talked to Sam and he's thinks he's close, but he's not sure how much longer it'll take. Tell me about these demons on the way to Wyoming. You, me, and Mark."

"What about Christian?"

"He's out on recon. We won't wait for him to get back."

xxx

It was 2am. Alta had been asleep for hours and Bobby had finally given up and gone to bed about an hour ago, leaving Sam alone through another night. He was used to it, even looked forward to it. This was time to research without interruption. But sometimes he would think about Sammy, the stranger he had been. So different from who he was now and someone he knew he could never be.

Sam was convinced it was Sammy Alta was in love with. He had to let her believe he was still Sammy. He didn't believe she would love him as he was and he knew that if he hadn't brought Alta to Bobby's he would have lost her. But he also knew that if the two of them got their heads together they just might figure out that he wasn't Sammy... That he was different.

Sam wanted to hold onto Alta. Her hunting skills were good, very good. He pictured her in the warehouse with the djinn. She had stealth, skill and courage. He knew if he kept hunting with her, she would get even better. He would make her better.

Then he remembered her reactions after the hunt. She'd attacked him. She was fearless in her anger. She was beautiful in her rage. Immediately his gut tightened. He could still feel her fist against his jaw and her kick to his gut. She was strong. He inhaled sharply as the tightness in his gut became white hot. The memory of her rage was intoxicating. He rubbed his hand against his nose and smiled at that memory. His memory, not Sammy's and it was real to him. He glanced up the stairs toward their bedroom. He wanted her... now... No, he thought. I don't sleep, but she needs to. I can wait.

Sam got water from the refrigerator, downed it and walked out onto the porch. He inhaled the night air and thought about Samuel. There was something about him... Something he couldn't quite figure out. Samuel was family. Sam should trust him. He knew this as well as he knew how to hunt. Just as the skills of the hunt had been repeated over and over in drill after drill until they had become imprinted on his brain, the instinct to trust family... to put family first, had become part of his thought process from childhood. But there was something...

Sam took in another deep breath of the night air and he froze. He sniffed again. Something on the air made him tense and the hair on his arms rise in alarm. It was the faint sent of sulfur. He immediately stepped inside, past the devil's trap on Bobby's threshold. Taking the stairs two at a time, he paused at the bedroom door listening. He could hear Alta's regular breathing and knew she was asleep. He silently entered the room.

Sam surveyed the room. He checked the salt lines and the devil's traps at the windows and doors. Everything was solid. He gazed down at Alta. She looked so peaceful. Her nose wrinkled and she brushed her face across the pillow but didn't wake when one drop of holy water fell on her cheek. There was no demonic reaction. Sam let out a sigh of relief. _Good, she's not possessed. The room is secure. Need to check on Bobby._

At Bobby's door Sam heard his soft snores and knew he was safe. He checked all the doors and windows. Nothing. Everything, all the salt lines the devils traps were intact. The house was secure. Sam went out into the night and breathed deep. No trace of sulfur. He stood on the porch listening intently. He heard nothing but the natural sounds of the night. No hint of anything supernatural. But he was sure of what he smelled, so he stepped off the porch and worked his way around the house. Nothing. He checked all the buildings on the property. Nothing…. He didn't doubt his senses. He knew what he smelled but he knew that the immediate threat was gone.

Sam stood by an old rusted car in the salvage yard. He had spent hours securing the perimeter and morning was approaching. His eyes drifted toward the house and the window of their bedroom. The curtain stirred in the gentle breeze. Even out here at this distance he could feel her stirring and knew she would soon be awake. The thought of Alta drew him like a magnet. He felt the attraction deep in his gut and he wondered at the feeling. His feet began to move toward her before his brain registered what his body was doing.

She lay on her side facing away from him. He eased into the bed, spooning up behind her barely touching her. The heat of his body radiated across her back and she flushed in her sleep. She began to see him in her dreams. She could see his eyes watching her. Her hips began moving, dreaming the feel of him burning inside her. She saw him lick his soft lips... his eyes half closed... his breath hot in her ear. She could hear his panting and she felt his hands reaching around to barely touch her belly and skim lower. She felt the burning of hot moisture as she became wet and slick. His erection was at her back, hot and hard. His hands nudged her to open her legs. She began to rise to consciousness as he guided her onto him, stiff and burning... a low moan escaped from her. She woke feeling the delicious pleasure of him slowly thrusting deep inside her.

When he sensed her waking he breathed gently against her ear and took her hands pulling them up behind her and around his neck stretching her across his body and sliding his hands down her arms and over her breasts. His breath was hot in her ear as he moved in her as his large hands moved down over her body, touching... caressing... Her hips began to move with the rhythm of his thrusts and she moaned, burning with pleasure.

Sam whispered in her ear, "So good... you feel so good..." her hands grasped his neck and she pulled against him as her body arched in pleasure. He pulled her against him thrusting deeper. He lowered his face to the crook of her neck, kissed the soft skin there and smelled the heat of passion. Her scent... The smell of Alta... He was lost in her... Her heat... Her smell... The feel of her body... The sound of her moaning... Her rising passion... She shook from the power of his final thrust. He held himself deep inside her his hands pressing her against him... His face buried in the nape of her neck… He didn't know what he felt for her, but it was powerful… intoxicating… and he was drowning in it.

Sam's eyes opened and he realized he was alone. _When did Alta leave their bed? When did he fall asleep?_ He hadn't slept since he got back from the cage. Sam didn't sleep. _What happened?_ His tongue slid across his lips. He tasted the sickening taste, the cloudy head. _Chloroform!_ He'd been drugged. Alta was gone. She'd been taken.

"Bobby!" Sam pounded on the door. "Bobby!"

"Yea!" Bobby's sleepy voice called out before he got to the door to open it. "What is it, Sam?"

"Alta's gone. She's been taken."

"Are you sure? Maybe she's just up before you for a change."

"No, Bobby. I was drugged. I can taste the chloroform. I wasn't asleep when she was taken, I was drugged. She was probably drugged too."

"We'll find her, boy. We'll get her back."

"I know we will. We can track her." Sam was oddly calm.

"Well between you and me if she can be tracked, we can do it."

"No. GPS. I keep her cell phone's GPS turned on so I always know where she is." Sam was already pulling it up on his cell. "I need you for back up."

"Well, then…" Bobby shrugged and he raised his eyebrows to Sam in approval. "Let's roll."

_**TBC**_

_**As always, Comments and R&R are welcomed. Let me know what you think.**_


	7. Chapter 6b

_**Family Secrets**_ Chapter 6b

_**I was the light**_

_**I was the quiet heart**_

_**I was the place we used to dwell**_

_**And when the cold would tear your life apart**_

_**I was the warmth that you had felt**_

_**What have I become?**_

_**Thoughts like shadows **_

_**Swelling through my mind**_

_**What have I become? **_

_**Something else inside...**_

_**It's driving nails into my soul**_

_**angels from my door**_

_**Driving nails into my soul**_

_**something inside...**_

Driving Nails - demon hunters

"I'm going after her myself."

"What?" Bobby was shocked and a little bit hurt. Why in the world would Sam want to go it alone?

"I need you here to keep track of the demon signs. I smelled sulfur last night. But it wasn't a demon that took her. It couldn't be. There was no break in the salt lines or the devil's traps. I searched the entire perimeter and found nothing."

"But the smell…"

"The smell was gone."

"You're certain you smelled sulfur."

"I'm certain. But it was a human that took her. I'm sure of it." Sam was loading holy water into the flasks he carried in his jacket. "But there was a demon here last night. Either it's a human with a demon working together or one is after the other." He checked his pistol.

"But why?"

"That's the question." Sam pulled up Alta's GPS on Bobby's computer. "Here's the GPS. Can you follow the demon sign and let me know if they converge?"

"Yea sure, but don't you think it'd be better if I go with? Aren't you being a bit risky, here?"

"I need to know what I'm dealing with." They were walking out to the Charger.

"OK, if you're sure."

xxxxxxx

Alta opened her eyes, but she couldn't focus. Her head was aching and her thoughts were clouded. It smelled bad here, wherever here was. Her throat was dry. When she tried to swallow she realized she was gaged. She was seated in a chair and tied. Wrists to the arms of the chair and ankles to the legs. She tested the ropes, tugging against them but it was not a good idea. A sharp pain shot through her head and it felt as if it would explode. _I can't even move my head! Oh God!_ She swooned and saw black spots swimming in front of her eyes. _Drugs, Damn! I've been drugged. _She faded back into oblivion.

"No, I haven't had any luck. He's good. They're both good. Not much of a trail to follow."

"Yea, I know. But you're my best tracker. You find them and you talk Alta into coming back."

"Yea, Samuel. I got the plan. But you know she followed him. He didn't take her. She made her own decision."

"Right, she loves him and all that…"

"And it's not like she's a kid. Maybe we should just let them both go. We don't need them."

"They're good hunters and we do need them." Samuel had his orders from Crowley. He had to get Sam back or they would both go back to Hell. Samuel picked up a picture from his desk. It was Mary. Except for Alta's dark hair they looked alike. They _were_ alike. Both strong willed. That's why he'd loved his daughter so much. And her strong will was why he felt so protective of Alta. She reminded him of Mary. He didn't particularly like it when Mary had fallen in love with John. And he liked it even less that Alta had fallen in love with Sam. Sam was very different than John. Sam wasn't just strong willed. He was soulless and that made him dangerous, ruthless in a way Alta couldn't possibly know or understand. Sam would hurt her. And he wouldn't give it a second thought. Samuel was sure of it.

"Samuel?"

"I'm here." Christian could hear Samuel's sigh. "Listen, she's a Campbell and she'll choose family if you put it to her right. You got to get her to come back to the Clan. If you can get her back, Sam will follow."

"He's a wild card and you know it. And this little escapade proves it. Let him go and do his own thing."

"No, just follow the plan. Just find her and get her to come back. We're headed out to check on some demon signs in Wyoming. Call me the minute you find her." Samuel flipped his phone closed.

Christian walked into the next room and gazed down at Alta. She was unconscious; her head drooped to one side. Samuel might not like it that Alta had fallen in love with Sam, but Christian hated it. He hated everything about Sam. He was a Winchester, not a Campbell. He wasn't raised with the rest of the Clan. Christian had spent his whole life in the business with the Clan and now there was Sam. Not much more than a kid. He was good. Christian could appreciate his skill but that was all the more reason to get rid of him. Christian intended to be the leader of the Campbell's. First he'd get rid of Sam and then it would be easy to get rid of Samuel. And Alta… if he had to, he'd get rid of her too.

Christian heard a sudden rush of wind, loud and sustained. He thought it might be a tornado. Outside long strands of dark smoke flew over the trees and began circling the house. His gut tightened as he looked out the window and saw the swirling smoke. _Demons! What the hell? _Christian froze when the door opened and one man walked confidently into the room. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his expensive looking coat. There was no eye flare, no indication of the dark empty eyes he expected from a demon, but Christian felt a sudden chill and the evil charisma of this man was unmistakable.

"Wha…" Christian stumbled over his thoughts unable to put them into words.

Crowley smiled and Christian thought it was the most terrifying thing he'd ever seen. "Crowley's the name." He gazed around the room. "It's OK, I know. You can't find your tongue. I have that effect of people." He was inches from Christian's face. "Christian, right?" Christian stared, unable to answer. Crowley rolled his eyes. "Well this conversation is turning out to be rather one-sided, don't you think?"

Christian found his nerve and pulled out his silver knife. Crowley gave a small wave of his hand as if he were brushing aside a fly. Christian went sailing across the room and hit the wall. He fell to the floor and staggered to his feet holding his aching shoulder.

"Here's how it is." Crowley pointed at Christian. "You… little nothing hunter." His finger gracefully swung round to point at himself. "Me… King of Hell." He paused for impact. Crowley loved the drama, watching Christian's face as the information sunk in. "I know all about your petty little power play. But I have my own plan and you're going to forget all about your ambitions and play my game."

"I don't deal with demons."

"Found your tongue, have you?" Crowley smiled and nailed Christian with his eyes. Christian shuddered. "You'll deal with me."

xxx

"Sam, demon signs are converging with Alta's GPS. You were right." Bobby long ago ceased to be amazed by Sam's intuition when it came to a hunt. "You close?"

"Yea, Bobby. About 5 minutes." He stepped harder on the accelerator.

xxx

"Demon's circling. We're close." Mark was following on his laptop as he, Samuel and Gwynn drove the van to its breaking point. Gwynn stepped harder on the accelerator.

xxx

Crowley gave a slight motion with his hand and a column of black smoke flew into the window and down Christian's throat. "Now, let's see if I can straighten out this mess." Two other demons entered. "I don't care what you do with the girl. But the other hunters live. You got that?" The two demons snarled. Crowley rolled his eyes. "You things are so unimaginative. I want my little hunting clan together and happy. The girl's a liability. She's caused friction. Kill her if you want to. Hell, have fun. Just leave my hunter's alive." He turned to Christian. "You're with me." He waved his hand at Christian and they both disappeared.

Sam already had his pistol and holy water. He stopped at the trunk of the Charger to get his machete and stuffed it into the inside pocket of his jacket, made just for it. He took off toward the house, his long legs carrying him there in a few dozen steps. He heard the van as it pulled up, recognized the familiar grind of the ancient engine.

They recognized Sam's car as Gwynn pulled up behind it. "What the hell?" Samuel whispered under his breath. Gwynn and Mark exchanged glances.

Sam waited for them to catch up to him. "They have Alta. Demons. There may be humans involved in this too." Sam looked to Samuel. "Check in the windows to see what we're up against?" It was a question. A plea for help or as close to one as Sam could get. He knew he needed help and was glad they were there.

"Yea. Gwynn you cover the front. Mark, take the back. Come on Sam. Let's start with this side window." He motioned toward the left side.

The demons circled Alta. One, a big hulk of a man stepped in front of her and laughing he raised his right hand high above his left shoulder and with a full swing, struck across her cheek. Alta's head jerked violently and the chair rocked on its side with the force of his blow. The intense pain that shot through her jaw and her head woke her. She moaned and blood dribbled from her split lip. Her jaw was red and beginning to swell. Her head hung the pain so intense she couldn't lift it.

Samuel lips were set in a thin line, his brows drawn down and his eyes narrowed. The anger was plain on his face. He glanced at Sam. Sam was intently scanning the room, accessing the situation, calculating his next move. There was no emotion, no anger, nothing on his face.

"There are two of them." Sam's voice was silent. He motioned with two fingers. "We storm them." He made a circular motion indicating all four of them and looked to Samuel, questioning. He didn't see much else they could do. Another hit like that might kill her. Samuel nodded. He motioned Sam toward the front and Gwynn and he started toward the back and Mark.

"You awake yet?" The demon reached down and took Alta's chin in his hand, lifting her to gaze in his face. She couldn't move her face enough to glare at him. She wished she could spit around the gag in her mouth. Never mind, her throat was so dry she didn't think she could work up enough to spit anyway. She could barely focus. Those damn black spots were still swimming in front of her eyes and the pain in her head was making her nauseous. She saw him rear back to strike her again. It occurred to her he was going to beat her to death. She closed her eyes and waited for the blow she thought might kill her.

Sam kicked in the Front door at the same time Mark kicked in the back. Sam's long legs made the distance between him and the demon with two steps. His machete was already drawn back to make a quick swing across the demon's neck. He decapitated him before he could land his next blow on Alta. Too late for that one to smoke out, but the other left immediately, leaving a lifeless body behind.

The clan surrounded Alta, untying her. Sam knelt in front of her and took the gag out of her mouth. He held her head in his hands and looked into her eyes questioning softly. "Alta?"

"Sam?" Her voice was a whisper. It was all she could muster.

He pulled her against him and reached into his jacket for the flask of holy water. He wet her lips and she opened her mouth for more. The cool liquid across her dry tongue revived her. She opened her mouth for more. He gave her small sips all the while looking, assessing the extent of her injuries. She must have a concussion must have been drugged too.

"I can't see." Her eyes were wide, searching. Her jaw was swelling rapidly.

"It's OK. I've got you. Give it some time. It'll be alright."

"Let's get her back to the Compound." Samuel looked at Sam. Once again he was uncertain about his grandson. One minute he was sure Crowley was right. He was cold, heartless… but with Alta he seemed compassionate, almost loving, certainly caring.

"No. She can't travel that far. She's got a concussion at the least. I'm taking her back to Bobby's. It's closer. I can watch her there."

"I don't like it. I'd feel better if I had you both back at the Compound… where you're safe."

"We'll come back when she's well enough. You're right. We need to be with family. But she can't make it that far yet." Sam and Samuel watched each other for a long moment, silently they connected. _Trust me. I trust you._

"Keep in touch with me. I was worried about you both and apparently with good reason." Samuel looked for any defiance in Sam's eyes but saw none. "I won't feel better until I have you both back with me." It was partly the truth and partly his desperation to get Sam back and appease Crowley.

"We'll be back."

Sam wrapped Alta in a blanket and laid her in the back seat. "We're going to Bobby's. We'll be there soon." He walked to the back of the car and watched as the van pulled off and disappeared around a curve. Then he closed his eyes and sighed.

"Castiel… Castiel. I need your help." It wasn't the first time he'd called out to the angel he thought was a friend. He had called when he first came back from the cage, looking for answers. He called for days but never got an answer. He resolved to make it without help. But now he prayed to the angel to help Alta. He waited. Nothing. "Castiel, please…"

TBC


	8. Chapter 7

_**I don't own Supernatural. I'm just obsessed with it. Don't own Sam or Bobby, Samuel or Crowley. I just love the characters. I love Dean too, but he doesn't fit into this time so, I'll have to give him a vacation with his new family. Only Alta and Kat are from my own imagination. **_

_**Family Secrets**_

_**Thought it was dead and buried**_

_**Then it woke you up last night**_

_**You sounded so damn worried**_

_**You've been tossing, turning**_

_**Whole thing's burning**_

_**I wanna put your mind at ease again**_

_**(Make everything all right)**_

_**I know it's getting underneath your skin**_

_**I try to tell you now**_

_**Don't look over your shoulder**_

_**'Cause that's just the ghost of me you're seeing in your dreams**_

_**Wait, there's no rhyme or reason**_

_**Sometimes there's no meaning in the visions when you're sleeping**_

_**Don't wake up and believe it**_

_**You're looking at the ghost of me**_

Daughtry - Ghost Of Me

"It's bad, son." Bobby patted Sam on the shoulder, trying to reassure him.

"I know it. She should be in a hospital."

"I got Dr. Wilson coming. She'll be here soon. She's only about an hour out."

"You sure she can handle this? "

"She can either handle it or she'll let us know and we can get her to a hospital." Bobby had connections throughout the hunting community. And Dr. Wilson had treated hunters before at Bobby's request. She kept him in supplies. Antibiotics, pain pills and for Bobby she would make a house call.

"You know her well?"

"Yea. I helped her with a possession issue a while back. We have a history." Sam gave Bobby a strange look. "What? I can't have a life apart from you and your brother?"

"No… I mean, yes… It's good… great. If anybody deserves to have someone special it's you."

"So do you Sam." Bobby looked thoughtful. "I like Alta." Sam didn't respond. He turned away and left Bobby hanging in mid thought. _No, I don't deserve her, but she's mine_. He heard Alta stir and recognized the change in her breathing. He knew she would wake soon. He wanted to be there when she woke up.

Sam sat waiting in the chair he'd placed next to their bed. When they'd first got to Bobby's he had given her Antibiotics and pain meds as well as an anti-inflammatory. The swelling in her jaw was worse and it was beginning to turn from angry red to blue and purple that covered the right side of her face and pooled around her eye. He knew that would heal. But the blindness… that was very bad. If it was permanent they would not be able to hunt together and he wanted her hunting with him.

Sam watched her sleeping. He wanted to feel something for her… wanted to love her. But he couldn't feel it. He knew she loved him... knew she thought he loved her. He needed her… needed her to share the hunting life with him. If she was blind that wouldn't be possible. He knew it was wrong, the way he felt. He should care about her but what he cared about was what he needed from her…to hunt with him. He knew Bobby wouldn't understand it. Samuel didn't understand him. Nobody would understand. But he couldn't feel any other way and he had to hide it. Keep this strangeness… this emptiness of feeling from everyone. He wasn't sorry and he didn't feel guilty. He couldn't. He just need to keep his secret safe.

She stirred again. He laid his hand gently on her forehead. She was hot, feverish.

She was floating in darkness, her eyes useless. This dark was not just absence of light. It surrounded her like a thick velvet fluid. She reached out but could find nothing to hold on to. _Breathe, I have to breathe._ She tried to suck air down into her lungs but the darkness filled her and swirled around her. She tried to call out… _Sam… Sam?_ But her mouth wouldn't open and she thought it sounded, if there was a sound more like a moan. His hand touched her forehead and she began to float upward.

"Alta?" his voice was soft, coaxing. She floated toward the voice wanting to see him. Suddenly she saw the face, shining electric blue eyes, tattoos across his face, ancient symbols of the djinn. She screamed but if stuck in her throat and she could not push it out. Could not resist the hand that pulled her forward toward the djinn…. touching her… sending a lightning bolt of pain through her head.

He felt the fear building in her. She was near panic. "Alta!" he grasped her shoulder and gave a gentle shake.

He called to her. She wanted to run… run from the djinn and the voice that kept calling her to him. _He will kill me._ Sam's face loomed before her. He watched her. He was cold, no love here, no feeling. He kept pulling her forward. _Dangerous, this is killing me. He's killing me. _It was the djinn staring into her eyes. Softly mumbling… touching her face… claiming her. Suddenly she could see the demon, his dark empty eyes shining, and his evil grin. His hand loomed above her and she feared the pain she remembered. _I can't… don't hit me again… I'll die… don't... don't!_

Sam could feel her panic rising. He couldn't wake her. He eased her up and slid into the bed behind her pulling her to him. He sat with his back to the headboard. She was cradled between his legs, his arms wrapped around her. He laid his cheek on her head and stroked her back. "Shhh… shhhh. I've got you. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." He tried to calm her. It seemed like something Sammy would do. He wanted her to heal. He wanted her to be whole. He needed her.

Sam's hands reached down into the depths of the blackness and his arms wrapped around her pulling her up. His voice was soft and comforting… his arms warm and safe. The blackness released her and she felt herself wrapped in his warm body. "Sam?"

"I have some water. Feel like you could drink some?"

"I don't want to move."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like Hell!"

"Try opening your eyes."

She squeezed them tighter. _Ouch! Bad idea!_

He knew she was afraid. He held her hand. "Try."

She blinked and then blinked again. Her hand squeezed his. "I can't make out anything, just light and blurry shapes." Her voice cracked and a tear slid down her face.

"Is it better than it was?" His voice was strangely calm.

"Yes."

"That's actually a good sign. How's your head?"

"It feels like Hell, Sam. _I feel like Hell!"_

"I'm sorry; I'm not very good at sympathy." He smiled, but his gaze was empty. She couldn't see it. He kissed the top of her head. She felt safe, calmer. "Drink some water. You're probably dehydrated." He gave her small sips. "Need some pain pills? Bobby's got some Vicodin and we have a doctor coming soon. She'll know what to do and she'll be able to tell us about your eyesight."

"Sam? What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"I don't know how I got to that place. I think I was drugged."

"I'm pretty sure you were. I was. Otherwise no one would have gotten that close to you." She sensed the possessiveness in his voice. "Chloroform. I could taste the sweetness when I woke up."

"I woke up once but my head hurt so badly and I saw spots… I didn't see anyone and then I passed out until that bastard backhanded me." She winced. "It felt like he knocked my head off."

"I got there in time to see that… but not in time to stop it." Sam gently touched her face. "It's my fault. I let someone sneak up on me. That should have never happened."

"We were asleep, Sam. You have to sleep sometime."

_No I don't._ He wondered how he'd missed another presence in the room. Was he that lost in her… lulled into complacency in the aftermath of passion? He resolved he'd never let that happen again.

"He'll never hit anyone again. I killed him. Decapitated him."

"You don't know who it was or what he wanted?"

"No. I know there were two demons at the house. I got the one but the other smoked out." He pulled her just a little closer and rubbed his cheek across the top of her head. "It had to be a human that came in the house and took you. No demon got in here."

"Who would come after me like that? And who would be in league with a demon?"

"Good questions."

xxx

Sam heard the soft knock on the door but he didn't respond. He'd been waiting. His eyes closed, listening to Alta sleeping. She was peaceful. And he didn't want to wake her, didn't want her to hurt. So he stayed still with her leaning against his chest and his arms wrapped around her. Bobby eased the door open and caught sight of the two of them. It was the first time he'd seen Sam so wrapped up in a woman and it warmed his heart. Sam deserved some happiness. He hated to wake them but Dr. Wilson was behind him.

"I'm awake." Sam whispered.

Bobby opened the door and stepped aside to let Dr. Wilson enter. "This is Dr. Wilson."

"Kathryn… Kat." She walked over to the bed. It wasn't often that she saw such outward affection in hunters. This young couple looked so sweet and so in love. She placed a gentle hand on Alta's shoulder. "Alta?" She stirred and turned toward the calm, soothing voice. "I'm Dr. Wilson. You can call me Kat. I'm a friend of Bobby's. He asked me to check on you." She looked at Sam. She thought he might be worried, might be upset but his face was strangely devoid of emotion. Still this wasn't about him. "I'd like to examine Alta alone."

"Of course." He eased himself from under her and off the bed. "I'll wait with Bobby."

Kat stuck her head out of the door once and asked Sam to bring in her rather large and heavy duffel bag.

After about an hour she came out of the room. "I think she'll be ok. She's dehydrated so I started and IV. I gave her steroids to take down the swelling and something for the fever. I want you to keep an eye on the IV. It'll run low and you'll have to change it a couple of times before morning. You might not sleep well tonight."

"We can take shifts." Bobby offered.

"No. I'll watch her."

"I suggest you set an alarm every four hours to make sure you're up to check on her and check the IV fluids. I'll leave you with extra fluids, and medicines to give her. Keep her quiet and still. Don't overdose her but keep her pain under control if you can. She should sleep."

"What about her eyesight? Will she be able to see? Will she be able to hunt?"

"There's no guarantee, Sam. Right now I just want to make sure she survives and I'm confident she will." Kat looked at Sam, wondering if her first impression had been wrong. It appeared that he loved her. But the question seemed cold. He seemed cold. Now she wondered if Alta was no more to him than a hunting partner. She glanced at Bobby then back at Sam. But people react in different ways. She'd certainly seen enough not to judge, especially among hunters. They were a tough bunch. "I think if we can get the swelling down she'll be back to normal. She's had a close call… took a bad hit. As far as hunting goes, if her eyesight comes back and I think it will, I guess it's up to her whether she hunts or not."

He noticed the look between Bobby and Kat. He knew his act was slipping. "I just wanted to know what to say if she asks."

"I'll be back tomorrow evening but call me if you need me before then." Kat looked at Bobby and smiled. "I'll expect supper tomorrow night."

"How about a nightcap now?"

"That would be great."

xxx

"My God Sam, is that your stomach?"

"Yes."

"Go eat something. You could wake the dead with all that growling!"

That first night had been a long one. Sam had secured the room. Made sure the salt lines and devil's traps were all intact and then set some human traps as well. Bobby had secured the rest of the house. Sam was adamant that no one would be able to get through again. He had stayed with Alta watching, silent… at times motionless… listening to her breathe.

When she became restless or winced in her sleep he gave her more pain meds. When the IV ran low he changed it. When her fever broke and she got cold he got into bed with her and carefully spooned her against him wrapping himself around her… warming her with the heat of his body. He wanted her to feel safe. When she was restless he whispered softly in her ear. "Shhh. It's alright. I've got you." He could feel her fear and he knew she dreamed about the ordeal.

"You're feeling better this morning."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. I feel like Hell."

"But you're feisty this morning. I'll take that as a good sign. Have you opened your eyes yet? How's your vision?"

He felt her deep sigh. "It's getting better. I'm not sure what's drugs and what's my head. How much pain medicine did you give me?"

"Not quite enough to knock out Sasquatch."

She smiled and let out a soft laugh. _Oh, bad idea! Pain! Shit, shit shit!_ Pain shot across her cheek and through her eye then stabbed through her head. She froze waiting for the pain to ease.

He felt her stiffen. "You ok?"

"Don't make me laugh anymore! _Damn that hurts_!"

"Sorry." He eased himself out of the bed and stood over her looking down. "Let's see how your face looks this morning." He surveyed the dark blue and purple covering the right side of her face. The color looked bad but the swelling was down. She was alert and very oriented. They were all good signs.

"I'll get us some breakfast. You need to eat."

"I don't think I can chew. It hurts to move my jaw."

"Something soft, then."

xxx

"Sam you did a good job taking care of Alta. I'm very optimistic. Nothing is guaranteed, you know that. But I'm confident she's going to be just fine. She just needs a little time to heal." Kat was closing the bedroom door behind her on her way out. She walked out into the living room and stood before Sam.

"What about her eyesight?"

_He definitely had a one track mind. _"I can't say for sure. I'm optimistic that her eyesight will continue to improve, but I can't say if it will go back to her baseline. Give it time, Sam."

"The longer it takes, the less likely she is to recover her sight. Isn't that right?"

_These hunters! Sounds like he's interrogating me. _

Bobby stepped beside Kat. "Watch your tone, boy!"

Sam's eyes narrowed and he glared at Bobby. "Is it true?" He spoke slowly making it clear he wanted an answer. "The longer it takes, the less likely she is to recover her sight."

"That's true. But it's not hopeless yet. We just have to wait and see." Kat put a reassuring hand on Sam's shoulder. "Even if she doesn't fully recover her eyesight she'll still need you, Sam."

_Need me, yes. But she'll be useless to me if she can't hunt. _His face showed no emotion. "I just want to be realistic."

"I understand." Kat turned to Bobby and saw the concerned look on his face. _Something's not right here._ "You promised me dinner, Bobby. You look nice. Are you taking me out?"

"I am." Bobby waved one hand toward the door. The other he placed gently at her back guiding her and smiling broadly.

Sam watched them as they left. Bobby liked this woman. He'd dressed for her, forgoing his usual jeans and tee for a suit. And the ever present trucker's hat was omitted giving a clear view of his freshly trimmed hair and beard. _Bobby cleans up nicely_, he thought.

xxx

"Did you cover your tracks with Samuel?"

"He has no idea."

"Good. I need you in with the Clan." Crowley was admiring his freshly manicured nails. "Don't want to take any chances that Samuel finds out about your little escapade."

Christian stared blankly ahead, his black lifeless demon eyes not focused on anything.

"It's your job to keep an eye on my investments." Crowley began to slowly circle his new soldier not bothering to look at him. "Let me know if Samuel veers from the path…. Oh, and you're Sam Winchester's new best friend." He smiled to himself. "I think my bull dog needs a best friend. You can help him fit into the Clan. I want him Samuel's second in command and you make sure the rest of the clan buys into that. They'll follow your lead. Very important job. You got that?"

"Yes, I got it."

Crowley waved his hand and Christian was gone. "Glad that's settled." He walked out of the small office and into a large open room filled with cages. One held the Vampire Sam had captured in Indiana. It was bound to a chair, signs of torture apparent on his body. His head drooped and lolled to one side. A soft moan escaped his dry lips. Samuel stood looking into the cage.

"He give you any information yet."

"Not yet. But I've only just begun." Crowley raised his voice and directed his next comment to the creature in the cage. "I can keep this up forever. He'll never die if I don't kill him. Oh, and I'll never die either." His voice became harsh and his face strained with vessels bulging on his neck and his fist clenched. "We can do this for all eternity!"

Crowley took a deep breath, visibly calming as he did. He ran his fingers lightly across his forehead.

"Where's Sam?" He spoke calmly to Samuel.

"You know where he is."

"Yes, still pining over that helpless girl."

"She's not a girl. She's my niece and a hunter in my Clan."

"She's not a hunter anymore. She's blind."

"No thanks to you. You did this to her. You sent your demons after her."

"I never!" Crowley feigned innocence. "I had nothing to do with the unfortunate incident."

"They were demons, Crowley." Samuel glared at him. "You wanted her dead. You're the King of Hell. I can do the math. I'm not stupid."

"Of course you're not stupid. I wouldn't use you if you were. But there are rogue demons. And they're a hard lot to control sometimes. King of Hell or not, it's like herding cats. Hardest thing I've ever tried to do."

"My heart bleeds for you."

"Bound to be some unfortunate incidents from time to time." Crowley's eyebrows rose as he considered the situation. "Although I'm not unhappy with the outcome of it. Sam will be back as soon as he realizes she's useless to him."

"She's not useless. And you didn't see him with her. He cares for her. He's taking care of her now."

"Samuel, Samuel, Samuel…" Crowley shook his head. "You just don't listen. He doesn't care about her. Not in the way you think. It's more like… " He searched for words. "Well, like a stray dog being loyal to someone who feeds it. When it stops being fed, it moves on. When he realized she's useless to him, he'll move on."

Samuel's eyes searched the floor. _God, I hate this!_

Crowley snorted a laugh. "It's better for both of us this way. He won't have her to distract him and he'll be loyal to you. This is like a learning experience for him."

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy. I Love comments and R&R. **_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Family Secrets Chapter 8**_

_**I don't own Supernatural or the characters. Just enjoy writing about them for fun, no profit here. I hope you enjoy reading my story.**_

_**Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind **_

_**People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time **_

_**All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy **_

_**Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify **_

_**Can you help me occupy my brain? **_

_**Oh yeah **_

_**I need someone to show me the things in life that I can't find **_

_**I can't see the things that make true happiness, I must be blind **_

_**Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry **_

_**Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal **_

_**And so as you hear these words telling you now of my state **_

_**I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it's too late**_

Black Sabbath – Paranoid

Sam was staring out of Bobby's window, thinking. He'd been weighing his options all night and he was about to make up his mind.

"These things take time, Sam. You can't rush it." Bobby looked up from the book he was studying.

"Not trying to rush it, Bobby. Just trying to be realistic."

"I don't know if I like the sound of that." Bobby watched Sam for a reaction. "You obviously care for Alta. She's in love with you. Although I think I should have a long talk with her about that! Seems to be a might unhealthy."

_So much more than you know!_ "I know."

"What? That she loves you or that it's unhealthy?"

"Both." Sam didn't turn from the window. He didn't want to see Bobby's reaction.

"Well, it could be worse. She could have died. Seems she came pretty close." He took a long drink from his now cold coffee. "So she might not be able to hunt with you. It doesn't mean you can't still have a life together. You still love each other." He waited for a reaction from Sam. He got none.

Sam continued staring out the window. Bobby's argument didn't have the effect that he intended. _I don't love her. It would be easier if I did but I can't. I don't know how._

"Maybe it'd be good for you to get out. I got a little something here I've been looking into. I need some ground work done but Kat is coming this weekend and I'm kinda looking forward to that." Finally Sam looked away from the window. Bobby gestured to the papers scattered on his desk. "You want to take care of this for me. Alta will be fine here with us. Kat wanted to check on her anyway."

Alta stared into the bathroom mirror. Her face appered much clearer this morning. Still blurry but she could actually make out features. She was able to see more than just light and dark shapes. Hope began to shine in her soul. She toweled her hair then combed it out, all the while watching her reflection get a little clearer. When she came out of the bathroom she was humming. Sam was standing in the doorway. She looked at him, saw his features but not clear enough to see the grim expression on his face.

"My vision is still not clear." Over the past week she'd come to expect his first question of the day... every day. "It's a little improved, though."

"We'll give it some more time. Kat is still hopeful." He closed the distance between them and laid his hands on her shoulders. A man with a soul would have been hopeful. But Sam didn't have a soul and he didn't hope. He watched and waited. After a week with so little improvement he believed it was too late for her eyesight to get back to normal... for her to be able to hunt. He gazed down at her. _I need you hunting and you will never hunt again. That makes you useless to me. I should just get this over with now. _"Kat is staying for the weekend. She and Bobby will both be here for you."

"But you're not?" She leaned against him.

"No. I got some leads on a case. I'm hunting." he waited for her reaction.

"I know. Is it the person who nabbed me?"

"Yes." He lied. He and Bobby had searched the house, the yard, everywhere and could find no trace, no clues to follow. Truth is he had to hunt... needed to hunt. He had to get out.

"You're going alone. Shouldn't you have backup?"

"I'll be alright. I'm just doing research." He lied. "I'll be back in a few days." Sam lied again. "We can talk about getting back to the Compound when I get back. You need to be with the Clan." He turned away from her and began packing his duffel. "I need to hustle up some cash while I'm out too."

_He's saying good bye. _She could feel it. He had grown progressively cold over the past few days. _What? I'm broken now and he doesn't want me anymore? Honestly, he is a man of extremes. Extreme hot and extreme cold. Right now he's as cold as they come! _

"Be careful."

xxx

"Looks like a shape shifter, Bobby."

"That was my first guess." Bobby poured some coffee into his cup holding the phone against his shoulder. Sam had been gone three days and Bobby was beginning to wonder if he would check in. "It fits the pattern. Bizarre suicides…"

"Yea, robery-suisides, murder-suicides... missing persons. The clincher... I saw him on a security tape... eye flare."

"Well don't go after it by yourself! I'll come out tomorrow and we'll gank it together."

"Yea, alright. I'll see how it goes here."

"Sam!"

"I got it, Bobby... How's Alta?" He needed to get Bobby off this track.

"She's doing better. Kat's feeling real good about her progress. Her vision's getting better, Sam, a lot better. Why don't you come on back today? You can see Alta and we can go back together tomorrow."

"Maybe." _Maybe not._ Sam flipped his phone shut.

"Hey, Bobby." Alta's voice floated to him from the door. _Sam didn't even ask to speak to Alta. Bad move son._ She heard enough to know it was Sam on the phone. He hadn't called her while he'd been gone… hadn't checked on her progress… didn't ask to speak to her when he called Bobby… Sam had distanced himself from her and it hurt. It felt like a stab to the heart and it showed on her face.

"Alta." Bobby sighed. "How you doing this morning?"

"I'm better. Much better. I was just admiring these faded bruises on my face. Almost gone."

"Nice to be able to see them, uh?"

"Why didn't you tell Sam the whole truth? Why didn't you tell him my vision's back to normal?" She nailed Bobby with a look. "You said 'much better'. Not the same thing."

"No reason. Just didn't pick the right words, I guess." Bobby smiled at her. "Breakfast?"

"Sure. I'll cook."

"I won't turn you down. Kat should be out in a minute."

xxx

Alta pulled out onto the two lane highway in front of Singer Salvage headed east. Sam wasn't the only one who could use a GPS. She'd known he was tracking her since he first started tracking her cell's GPS. She'd done the same to his. Tit for Tat as the saying goes. She wasn't a total imbecile.

_I look like a soccer mom in this minivan! _She wasn't crazy about her ride. It was worse than Samuel's old van. She had gotten used to Sam's Charger. But the minivan was the most reliable thing Bobby had running except his Chevelle and that wasn't an option. She pushed the minivan as much as she dared. It looked like she would get to Sam by late afternoon. She knew Sam wouldn't want her to come so she didn't call him and she made Bobby promise not to tell him. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. Especially with Sam.

xxx

"Bobby Singer! Who knew you were such a mother hen!" Kat laughed as she took sip of her coffee.

"Yea. Well, if you got any antidotes I'm in need of one. Honestly it was bad enough with Sam and Dean. But now apparently I've inherited another head strong idjit to worry me to death."

"Honestly Bobby, I think she's good to go. Hunting's risky at best and you can't make it safe. She's as good as she ever was." Bobby noticed how soft Kat's brown eyes were. The few lines she had crinkled at the corners when she smiled. He liked that about her. And she had a beautiful smile, confident but gentle. "Hunters are a tough lot. I've learned that over the years." She understood the life… accepted it for what is was.

Bobby sat next to her on the sofa. "I know. I've been through so much with the boys. Hell, I never thought I'd see Sam again. And he's changed since he got back. Not that I'd expect him not to be different." Bobby rubbed his hand across his eyes. "He had Lucifer eating away at his insides and then he jumped into the cage with both Lucifer and Michael. There's no telling what they did to him…" Bobby cringed.

"You're really are close to them, Sam and Dean, aren't you?"

"Hell, my place is like a second home to them. I watched them grow up. And believe me their childhood was not a Norman Rockwell existence, not by a long shot. Their Dad was hard on them. Raised them like soldiers. But they're good boys, in spite of everything."

"Maybe because of everything."

"Maybe. There's nobody else could've done what they did. I went through the whole apocalypse thing with them. It was unimaginably hard…"

"But that part's finished."

"It is." Bobby sighed. "I wish you could meet Dean. He's retired from hunting. Has a girlfriend and he's a father to her eight year old boy. Oh, Kat he's a good father, too. I'm so glad for him. I wish…"

"You wish Sam could have the same thing." Kat put her hand on Bobby's. "How about you, Bobby? What do you wish for?"

"Kat, you're a very insightful woman."

xxx

Sam finished his fourth game and picked up his winnings from the pool table. He moved to the bar and ordered a beer. The woman that eased in beside him and leaned on the bar was well on her way to drunk. She gave Sam a smile. He knew what she was offering. He looked her over. She was nice. Pleasant enough face… decent figure… a little older than him but he didn't mind that… _Might as well._ He didn't care that he was being watched from both sides of the bar. He was usually being watched. It was nothing new to him.

He picked up his beer and gave the woman a nod. She followed him out into the alley. He maneuvered her out of sight, in the shelter of a dumpster. He didn't notice the shadowy figure that slipped silently out of the bar and blended into the shadows watching. That one he missed, but he knew the other would be out soon.

"Make it fast." He pushed the prostitute to her knees and waited while she unzipped his pants. It was clear what he expected and she knew how to do her job. She'd had plenty of practice. He held her head and forced her to take him as deeply as she could into her mouth. He growled with each thrust until he released his hot cum down her throat. He pulled out quickly and zipped up then reached into his pocket and handed her three bills.

"Don't think that's enough. I'll just be taking your wallet." The voice came from behind him. Sam expected the pimp to make an appearance. _Foolish man._ He turned to face the pimp and stepping up to within inches of him, Sam was an imposing figure. His face was dark, his lips a thin line, his eyes piercing. The pimp waved his gun carelessly, smiling a toothy grin… figuring he had the advantage here. Sam laughed and moved to within inches of the man. All the pimp could see was Sam's eyes boring down on him and he felt Sam breathe hot in his face.

Sam's hand was immediately on the pimp's gun swinging it away and twisting until the he released it. He glared down at the man and laughed again. Sam thought the terror on his face was comical and the smell of his fear began to feed his passion for the kill. He landed a hard punch to the pimp's face. His head jerked back from the force of the blow and blood spurted from his nose and mouth. He was stunned. Sam hit again twice in rapid succession. His head bobbed back and forth like a punching bag. The woman screamed and pulled on Sam's arm. He shoved her to the ground and turned to finish off the man, but he was halfway down the alley running.

Sam glared after the pimp and let out a low growl as he heaved a heavy sigh. He wanted to finish him off… he was thirsty for the kill. It had been over a week since he'd killed the demon and he missed the high. He looked down at the woman cowering behind the dumpster. "Looks like he left you to fend for yourself."

Sam hovered over the cowering prostitute for what seemed an eternity to her and she wondered if she would die in this alley tonight. She raised her arm to fend off the blow she expected and squeezed her eyes shut. But he turned away and went back into the bar. Close by the shadowy figure had watched the whole scene. As he smiled, his lips began to change until they looked strangely like Sam's. Sam's dimples appeared… and the mole on the left side of his face. His eyes became Sam's eyes. He stepped out of the shadow and walked down the alley. The woman peeked around the dumpster… her eyes wide in amazement.

The shifter began making connection with Sam's memories. He reveled in the flood of emotions that came with Sammy's memories … and dark brooding feelings of Sam's… A hunter! He'd shifted into a hunter. This was a new experience for him and it was exciting. All the skills and strength of this hunter at his disposal. He would be unstoppable. He walked toward the prostitute. She scrambled to her feet and lunged toward the door to the bar, but he grabbed her. She tried to scream but his hand clamped across her mouth before the sound could escape her lips. She struggled to no avail as he pulled her down the alley.

Alta entered the bar and scanned the room for Sam. GPS led her here but he was not in sight. She eased onto a bar stool positioned where she could see the room and ordered a beer. She had only one sip before she had company.

"Hi. I'm Jack. I haven't seen you here before."

She almost laughed. "That's a good line, Jack." He was handsome. She had to admit that. His smile showed beautiful white teeth and sweet dimples beneath the stubble of a light beard. His eyes were warm… very expressive… kind. She was attracted to him. "Sorry, I'm Alta. I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's ok. I guess I'm not very original with my pick-up lines. Do you mind if I join you?"

When Sam entered the bar he immediately became aware of Alta's presence. He caught her scent and he could feel her. He scanned the bar and saw her… and saw Jack. He was still pumped from the fight in the alley and rage began to build in him as he moved quickly across the room and stood behind Jack. Alta could feel the rage radiating from Sam like heat from the sun and she looked at him. Sam returned her look. He cocked his head to one side and glared at her. His question was as clear to her as if he spoke it out loud. Jack felt his presence like a dark shadow.

"Sam!" Alta looked into his face and was immediately aware of the differences between the two men. Sam's eyes were hard, cold, and emotionless. He was clearly in a dangerous mood. "Jack, this is Sam. I'm here to meet him." She stood and moved between the two glaring at Sam. Her answer was as clear to him as if she spoke it out loud.

Jack turned and raised his beer to Sam in a placating gesture. "How're doing Sam." Sam didn't respond. He watched Jack's actions sizing him up and deciding how much of a threat he was. _Not much._ "No harm meant." Jack said as he vacated the bar stool and bowed his way past Sam.

"Well, that was a nice display." Alta took a long pull on her beer. "I need a shower to get all the testosterone off me."

"You shouldn't have come."

"And you don't get to tell me what to do!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to help you with the hunt. Aren't we supposed to be a team?"

"Not if you can't see."

"Hello!" she waved her hand toward her face. "Eyesight's back. 100 percent."

"One hundred percent?"

"Yes, you want to do a vision test?" She sipped her beer and looked at him defiantly, daring him. She had some rage of her own and it was already directed at him. "Did you find the man that took me?"

"No, I'm after a shape-shifter."

"I knew you lied."

Sam didn't bother to answer and he didn't bother to sit down. "If you're going to hunt with me, it's time to go underground."

Sam's research indicated the most likely place for the shifters lair to be in the neighborhood of the bar. They armed themselves from the trunk of the Charger. The silent ritual was so familiar to them. It was calming. Alta put on her belt and checked her pistol before placing it in its holster. She placed extra silver bullets in her pockets and handed the box to Sam. He checked his pistol and slid it in the back of his jeans. Each took and extra pistol loaded with silver. Alta opted to forgo a machete, but she took a silver knife. Sam took his machete along with his silver knife. Silver bullet to the heart was the favored way to kill a shifter but most anything would die if it was beheaded. Sam liked options and he liked blades.

Sam dropped in first, from a manhole in the alleyway outside the bar. He motioned for Alta to follow. Then he motioned her to take the lead. She went down the tunnel low and he followed above her and covering the rear. They made it to the first intersection. They went to opposite sides of the tunnel staying low and each checking the direction they faced. Motioning the way clear, Sam crossed first and then covered Alta to cross and they resumed their way down the tunnel with Alta in front and Sam behind and over her head. They moved together like a dance. Each one knowing their part. Sam couldn't help but be impressed. He liked falling back into this routine with her. It felt right. It felt like home.

Alta stopped and motioned to Sam. He saw the gooey slipped skin lying to the side of the tunnel. They had the right place. The shifter had been here. At the next intersection they stopped and Sam seemed to study for a moment. He could smell the putrid smell of the slimy rotting slipped skin everywhere. It was evident in every direction. He came to a decision.

"You take right and I'll go left. Ten minutes… we meet back here." He nailed her with his eyes. "You good?"

"I got it."

"I know you do."

Alta moved down the right tunnel… cautiously, silently. Evidence of the shifter was scattered all along the tunnel. Bits of slipped skin… bits of discarded clothing and the ever-present stench of rotting flesh. As she neared the end of the tunnel an echo of a whimper came from an alcove tucked off to the left. She eased around the corner to see a mass of discarded clothes, jewelry and wallets, and in the midst was a woman tied to a pipe, gagged and barely conscious. Her head hung to her chest and her breathing was shallow.

Sam made his way down the left tunnel. As he moved further down the tunnel the smell of the shifter began to fade and there was no evidence of its presence. He knew he was headed down a dead end. Sam turned and headed back toward Alta.

Alta knelt before to woman and removed the gag. "I'm here to help." Suddenly her eyes widened in fear and she gasped looking up beyond Alta. A sinking feeling burned in Alta's gut. She swung around with pistol ready to fire. "Sam! God! You scared the Hell out of me!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

"Give me a warning why don't you… _damn!_ I almost shot you!"

"It's ok." He smiled. His dimples so sweet, his eyes seemed so soft. _Not Sam… this is not Sam…_ Sam would never be this sloppy during a hunt. He was always serious, especially during a hunt. Every move calculated and she'd never seen his eyes so soft, his smile so sweet. She didn't know she was seeing Sammy, not Sam. The shifter didn't know how to separate them and didn't know that they were two different people in one. She didn't know how, but she knew this wasn't Sam.

Alta quickly spun around to put the woman between them. "Let's get her freed." She took out her knife and cut the bonds on the woman's wrists. As the woman struggle to stand, Alta quickly stood and leveled her gun at the shifter.

"Alta, it's me. Sam!" He held his hands up in surrender. "Don't shoot me! I'm Sam, Alta." Once again, that smile that wasn't Sam's. Still she hesitated. Then she saw him easing into the alcove behind the shifter. His gun was leveled at the shifter's heart. But he gave Alta a look… one eyebrow raised and a nod toward the shifter. She read the meaning. _You want to take him… or shall I?_ In that instant she was sure. She knew exactly which one was Sam. She emptied three shots straight to the heart. The shifter slumped to the floor.

Sam lowered his gun and gave her an approving smile. She holstered her gun and turned to the woman who was standing in stunned silence. This would take some explaining. "You take this one." Sam nodded to the woman not even recognizing that she was the prostitute from the alley. "Let's get out of here." Alta knew she would be the one to explain. Somehow she knew Sam would not have the patience or the tact to deal with her.

"Come on." She put her arm around the woman and helped her step around the shifter's body. "My name is Alta. This is Sam. Have you ever heard legends of a shape shifter?"

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy. Comments and R&R are welcomed and appreciated. **_


	10. Chapter 9

_**Family Secrets**_ Chapter 9

Don't own Supernatural or the characters. Only Alta is my own creation.

_**I need to know, I need to know**_

_**If you think you're gonna leave**_

_**Then you better say so**_

_**I need to know, I need to know**_

_**'Cause I don't know how long I can hold on**_

_**If you're makin' me wait, if you're leadin' me on**_

_**I need to know**_

Tom Petty – I need to know

Sam was eyeing Alta from the driver's seat. He could tell she had something on her mind but he didn't have a clue what it could be. Her eyesight was back to normal so she was able to hunt with him and the hunt went well. They made a perfect team. They dispatched the shape shifter quickly and without injury to either of them. He didn't think it could get better than that. But something was bothering her. He figured he would find out soon enough.

"I thought the hunt went well."

"I like hunting with you Sam. We're good together." She shifted in her seat to face him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "I missed this."

"We make a great team. I think you're perfect for me. I'd rather hunt with you than anyone I know."

"Even Dean?" She couldn't resist the question.

"Dean doesn't count. He's retired." He seemed to consider the question for a moment longer. "You're a lot like him. When I hunt with you it's almost like hunting with Dean. It feels right when we work together."

"Yea, I can feel it too."

The arrowhead Inn was typical of the well-used, cheap places Sam had stayed in most of his life. Alta was not unfamiliar with the type... bare necessities... a shower, hopefully hot and a clean bed.

As Sam pulled in to park in front of his room Alta gave him a light punch on the shoulder "I'm getting the shower first. I can't wait to get the stench of that shifter off of me!"

"You got it." he smiled. Maybe whatever was bothering her would pass and he wouldn't have to deal with it. He began clearing away the information pinned to the wall and scattered across the table. The hunter's usual way of tracking a case.

When Sam came out of the shower, Alta was seated at the foot of the bed with the bath towel still wrapped around her combing through her hair. He left the towel around his waist not bothering to dress.

Sam reached down to take her hand and she allowed him to pull her into a warm embrace. His lips were soft and hungry but she couldn't quite shake off the feelings of betrayal. He lied to her about this hunt and in her heart she knew he had intended to leave her when he left Bobby's.

He wanted to feel and smell the love and passion she had for him but it was hidden in the unease he sensed in her and he broke off the kiss, holding her face and gazing into her eyes.

"You're upset." He waited for her response.

"Yes." She looked up at him. "I wish you would be honest with me."

His face became pensive. He was still clueless. "What do you want me to say?"

"Just... " She didn't want to play this game with him. Her hands flew up in exasperation. She pushed his hands away from her face and he stepped back and gave a heavy sigh. "Tell me the truth!" This was not going to pass. He was going to have to deal with it… whatever _it_ was.

"About?"

"Why did you tell me you were hunting the man who took me when you were obviously hunting a shape shifter?"

"I thought we cleared this up at the bar. I lied. I was after the shifter." He didn't want to have this conversation. He thought it was a waste of time. "It is what it is. Look, Bobby and I searched the house, the grounds... everywhere. We couldn't find any clues... no traces of the intruder. Believe me I'd like to find the _sonofabitch_ that took you. I'd like to give him a serious beat down before I gank him. But if there're no clues, what can I do?"

"You couldn't tell me that?"

It would be so easy to lie. He thought maybe he should. "I didn't know what to think. You couldn't see and that means you couldn't hunt with me and Alta, I _have_ to hunt. I can't _not_ hunt." He decided to be honest. "I don't know what I feel for you. I know when I saw you with that man at the bar... Jack... I considered killing him. If I'd thought he was a threat, I would have." He made the statement so calmly. No anger... no emotion. He could have been talking about the weather.

"When you left Bobby's... before my eyesight returned..." she swallowed hard, afraid she knew the answer. "Did you mean to leave me?" Her voice was soft, childlike. Sam gazed into her crystal green eyes and saw the tears gathering there. _Oh, God. Don't cry_.

"Of course not." His eyes imperceptibly narrowed and he gave a tiny nod from side to side... Sam's 'tell'... barely noticeable. "Why would you think that?" He needed to get her off this track. She was too close to the truth. "Look, I'm going to hunt, Alta. _Always_. I _have_ to. It's all I know and I couldn't wait any longer. I wasn't sure you'd understand. I thought you'd try to stop me." Her hunter's instinct perceived the lie but her love for him refused to let her see it.

He kissed first one eye and then the other. "Your eyes are perfect now and we couldn't have had a better hunt than tonight. You were perfect."

"No Sam. Perfect would include the truth."

"Look, I'm sorry." He bent down to be eye to eye with her. He did his best copy of Sammy's puppy face and it was close enough. She began to respond to him. He felt it and pressed his advantage. "You're angry with me, I get it." He threw his hands out, opening himself to her. "If you need to punch me to get it out of your system, go ahead."

She glared at him. He made her feel like she was wrong… like she was being unfair. She knew she wasn't wrong and the way he was twisting things made her angrier.

"I just want us to get past this." He saw her anger begin to rise to the surface. "Hit me!" His long arms flew out beside him. "I won't stop you. Hit me!"

"Stop it, Sam." She knew she was being manipulated and it made her angrier. He could feel her rage and it excited him.

"Hit me, Alta! I deserve it. I won't hit you… not ever." He knew he could bring her rage to the surface and he wanted to feel it… to smell it… taste it. He wanted to see the beauty of her rage. "Do it! Hit me!"

Alta reached her breaking point. She breathed deep. She faced him and landed a hard kick to his middle, sending him flying back against the wall. He'd expected her to punch his face and her kick caught him off guard, knocking the wind out of him. He staggered but kept his feet. He was gasping for air as he pulled himself to his full height and towered over her.

"You fight like a girl. Knock my ass down!" She followed his nasty comment with a hard punch to his gut, hitting the same spot she'd kicked. The punch had its desired effect on the tender spot. Sam doubled over clutching his middle. But he came up quickly. He held his arms out to his side, grinning, mocking. "Still standing. Try again."

She flew at him screaming and slamming him against the wall. Her hands reached up to circle his neck. He drew the line here and grabbed her wrists to stop her. By this time the knot in his towel had all it could take and the towel fell to the floor. Alta was immediately aware of his excitement. Her rage had turned him on and there was no hiding his very stiff erection. He knew when she saw it. He felt her emotions immediately shift when she realized his desire for her. He could smell her sudden reaction and feel the burning desire deep inside her. He didn't plan it but he thought it was great timing.

Alta lifted her gaze from his erection to his eyes and saw the smile on his face. This time he wasn't mocking. His eyes softened and he brought her hands to his chest and released her wrists. Then he gently buried his hands into her still damp hair and brought his face to hers. His gaze was hypnotic as he spoke into her mouth. "I can't hide how much I want you." His lips covered hers and her hands drifted down to caress his rock hard erection. She felt his moan deep in her throat as her hand closed around him. He broke off the kiss and gazed down at her as she stroked him. She watched his eyes half close with pleasure and heard the sharp intake of breath… his lips parted, drawn back, showing his teeth… not a smile… not a grimace… but in sweet torture. She'd never seen his face like this… never seen him lose control. It felt like power. He didn't intend to let her have power over him but it felt good.

Alta whispered to him. "Come." She dropped the towel from around her and led him to the bed where she pushed him down. Sam watched as she slowly straddled him. He reached to grab her hips and pull her to him but she batted his hands away. "No…" He held his hands up beside his head in surrender and watched her. She watched his face as she slowly slid onto him taking his full length deep into her. His face looked angelic with the pleasure of it. A look so unfamiliar… so lost in pleasure… She'd never seen him not in control. He'd never let himself not be in control.

Alta moved over him, finding the slow rhythm that made him moan and grab desperately for her as she kept batting his hands away. She refused to give up the power she found. Leaning forward she reached for him and they clasped hands and he met her rhythm thrusting up into her as she slowly moved on him. This sweet torture was better than he could stand. "Alta…" He begged. "Mmmm…?" She answered in his ear maintaining her slow rhythm. She looked down into his half-closed eyes. "I want to see it in your eyes when you cum." It was more than he could take. He grabbed her waist and flipped them both so that he was on her and thrusting deep into her. She gave up her power and reveled in the feel of his hard thrusts. She felt the strain in his muscular arms as she held tightly to him. His moans became groans and then growls as he began thrusting harder and faster. His body shook as he thrust deeply into her and his hot juices filled her. He buried his face at the base of her neck and lowered himself beside her. His breath came in short ragged sighs. She ran her hands through his hair and down his back pulling him close to her. When his breath became even, he nudged her to spoon against him, with her head tucked beneath his chin. He wrapped his body around her and sighed contentedly.

"I missed this." He said.

"Me too." She let out a little giggle. "I don't fight like a girl. I so would have knocked you on your ass if there hadn't been a wall behind you."

He laughed. It was a full whole hearted laugh. She didn't think she'd ever heard him laugh like that. It was beautiful. "I know… You fuck like a girl, though."

"Are you complaining?"

"Oh God, no!"

He closed his eyes and held her until she fell asleep. Then he held her for a long time more, just listening to her breathe.

xxx

"Well the young'uns are finally home." Crowley tried to fake a country accent. "And they're so sickeningly in love" He smirked. "Well, she's in love and he's giving a good performance."

"So what?" Samuel glared at Crowley. "Why do you care? Why don't you just let them alone? Does everyone have to be miserable?"

"You can't afford to be sentimental." Crowley's face turned from playfully sarcastic to angry and evil. "Take a look around you. What do you NOT see here?" He gestured to the empty cages around the room. "I'll tell you what you don't see. Creatures!" He glowered at Samuel. "We had a deal and while Sam was gallivanting around the countryside having fun with his little hunter girlfriend. You've not been holding up your end of the bargain. I don't like it!"

"We got you a rugaru and a vamp."

"Sam captured the Vamp. So, let's see… that leaves one rugaru in a month. Sam's killed a djinn, a demon and a shifter in that same time. Oh, and he took a week off to nurse maid his blind girlfriend."

"She's not…"

Yes, I know all the details." Crowley sighed. "Now that he's had his little walk-about and he's back home, just get him back on board, get things rolling and bring… me… some… creatures!"

xxx

"Sam!" Christian greeted Sam with a big smile and a pat on the shoulder.

"Christian." Sam smiled but he wondered at this new friendliness.

"It's good to have you back again." He turned to Alta. "Glad you're doing better. We've missed the two of you on hunts."

"Where's Samuel?" Sam quickly cut to the chase.

"His office." Christian nodded toward the hallway leading to Samuel's office. "He'll be glad to see you, both of you." He nodded toward Alta.

Sam turned to Alta. "I'll talk to him." He turned and headed off to see Samuel.

"Alta!" Gwynn had entered the room. "Good to see you." She motioned Alta toward the coffee maker. "Come. Have some coffee. Talk to me. I've missed you."

Sam knocked on the half opened door.

"Sam. You're back just in time. Alta with you?"

"Yes. She's talking to Gwynn. What have you got?"

"Right down to business, I see." Samuel waved Sam over to his desk. "Ghouls in Idaho."

"Graveyard?"

"Well they seem to be working out of a graveyard but they're not limiting themselves to the dead. Seems they have branched out to the living."

"Wouldn't be the first time. Dean and I ran into a pair that broke tradition and started feeding on the living." Sam had Sammy's memories of finding his half-brother Adam and the ghouls that feasted on him and his mother. "So, are we using someone as bait?"

"I'm not fond of using bait." Sam didn't have a care that using someone for bait was risky and often turned out badly. Samuel remembered the unfortunate way things had gone for Roy when the hunted the Arachne in Maine.

"It's the fastest way."

"No!"

Sam sighed. He wouldn't push the issue. "Stake out then?"

"That's the plan." Samuel eyed Sam. "Is Alta a hundred percent?"

"Yea, she perfect. I'm paring with her."

"We'll see how it plays out when we get there."

"No. She and I…" Sam fixed Samuel with a determined look. "We work together. You do what you want with the rest. I want her with me. I back her up. She backs me up." He waited for Samuel's reaction.

"Alright." Samuel nodded. "Have it your way, then."

_**TBC**_

_**Comments are Welcomed and Appreciated. Please R&R... if you like.**_


	11. Chapter 10

**Family Secrets** Chapter 10

_I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I just write because I'm obsessed and they keep telling me their story, so I have to share. _

_**Sometimes you walk**_

_**Sometimes you crawl**_

_**Other times you're flying**_

_**You feel the thrill not knowing where you'll land**_

_**Give me, give me that rush**_

_**I need wings and I need healing**_

_**In my veins and in my blood**_

_**Give me, give me that rush**_

_**Sometimes it's gold**_

_**Sometimes it's brass**_

_**Sometimes you're fire**_

_**You feel the mount of Venus in your hand**_

_**Give me, give me that rush**_

_**I need wings and I need healing**_

_**Don't need drugs, I don't need dreaming**_

_**Give me, give me that rush**_

_**If it never comes is the damage done**_

_**Nothing that I can't believe in**_

_**It's just another face, don't I know your face**_

_**It's just the joy of receiving**_

Edwin – Rush

"Bait's the easiest and the fastest way to catch the ghouls."

"Sam, don't go there with me."

"I'm not going there..." Sam sighed. "I'm just saying..." He'd forgotten about the incident with the djinn and she was right. He really didn't want to go there with her again. "So anyway, that means a stakeout."

Farmland flew by out the window of the Charger as Sam and Alta led the way toward Idaho. Samuel followed in the van with Christian, Gwynn and Mark. The plan was to drive straight through... only sixteen hours.

"Get some sleep."

Alta put her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes. "Just let me know when you want me to drive." She was quiet for a few minutes but couldn't sleep. "You know, I hate stakeouts."

"What do you mean? It's part of hunting."

"I know, but I guess you could say it's not my long suit."

"So, what's the problem?" The idea of hating anything to do with hunting completely escaped him. All parts of the hunt fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

"I'm just more of an action person. I like to be moving." She shifted in her seat trying to find a more comfortable position. "Too much waiting around…"

"It's not waiting around. You're watching. You have time to learn the environment. You can actually memorize it… what's available if you need it... escape routes..."

"Yes, I know... It's just my mind wanders. I can't concentrate on one thing that long."

"You have to learn to focus."

"So I've been told all my life."

_She's more like Dean than I thought._ "All the more reason to use bait and draw it out."

"Sam!"

"It's ok. Just stick with me and try to keep still and focused."

She shifted again so that she was seated sideways facing him, her legs curled up and her chin resting on her knees. She stretched out one leg and playfully kicked his thigh. Sam glanced at her. She was smiling so sweetly. It occurred to him that she was the only person he knew who was at ease with him. He felt everyone's tenseness around him. He could smell the little traces of fear. He made everyone as least a little uncomfortable. He didn't mind it… didn't care. He found it useful and he never would have noticed except that he felt the difference with Alta. She trusted him even though she had plenty of reasons not to. He wondered if that was part of love. If it was, it was a weakness. Her trust of him made her vulnerable. He didn't intend to use her or hurt her, but that weakness made it easier… if he needed to…

Sam smiled back at her. "Need a break?"

"We're not fucking at the rest stop, you HornDog!"

Sam laughed at the thought. "It was worth a try."

"Sam, I believe you're developing a sense of humor. Nice…"

"Well, don't tell anybody." It was true. He _was_ developing a sense of humor. At least with Alta. He was more relaxed with her than with anybody. Her motives were so clear to him. He didn't trust anyone... except Alta.

Alta laid her head against the seat. She sat still, quiet, her eyes closed. He could sense her drifting off into peaceful sleep. _Good._ He eased down on the accelerator. _Time to eat some miles._ He was quickly out of sight of the van and Samuel and the rest of the clan. He was alone in the night with Alta, at least until the next stop.

xxx

"Sam, you and Alta take the north end of the cemetery. Christian and Gwynn take the south, I'll watch on the east and Mark, you watch on the west. You four," Samuel gestured toward Sam and Alta, then Christian and Gwynn. "You've got the main entrances. If these things want to roam tonight we're going to stop them.

They sat at a large table in the back of a local restaurant. Sam was pushing the remainder of his steak around on the plate.

"Head shot's the way to kill em. But we need to bag em. Got any ideas, now's the time." Samuel scanned the table for responses.

"Silver's useless… so is salt, holy water, iron… all the usual's." Sam glanced at Alta. She could see the almost imperceptible eye roll meant only for her. Christian's comment was stating the obvious.

"Can't poison them. They drink embalming fluid for lunch." Now Samuel was stating the obvious.

Sam's impatience was almost tangible. He sighed and tossed his fork on the plate. It fell with a loud clank. "We bag them." Sam gave a little shrug. "Literally. Heavy duty canvas, strong rope, chains." They all looked at him. "Seriously… What else can we do? We need the element of surprise. That's why bait would be the way to go."

"No!" Samuel was adamant. "You just won't let it go, will you?"

"Fine!" Sam let out a huff. "We need to get the supplies and get out to the site. It's going to be tough. It'll take stealth along with brute force." He glanced at Alta. She nodded. He knew she was on board with him. "Let's roll."

Samuel downed the last of his coffee. It was obvious he would just have to share power with Sam. "Ok folks. Let's go with the plan."

xxx

They parked outside the north end of the cemetery. Samuel and the others were at the south end. At the trunk of the Charger they shared the hunter's ritual… loading up for the hunt. Sam wanted to share this ritual with her many more times. The heavy canvas bags Sam had in his duffel along with thick rope and chains. Guns were loaded and packed. Blades were stowed. Sam closed the trunk and pulled Alta around to face him, his hands on her upper arms, he fixed her with his eyes. She knew the look. Whatever he was about to lay out to her, he wouldn't take no for an answer. She had a sinking feeling.

"We'll find the right spot and lay out the canvas next to you. I'll try to wound the _sonofabitch._ You throw the canvas over its head. I've got rope and chain on me. I'll secure it." He gestured to the items hanging from his belt. "I'll draw it to me. You come up behind it once I have it focused on me."

"What?" Her eyes were as wide and crystal green as he'd ever seen them. "You're gonna be the bait?"

"Of course. It's the only way to catch it." He let her arms go. "If they come in a pair, we'll have to kill one and bag the other. But if there is only one, we capture it and be ready. The second one will be close behind it."

"How do you know?"

"Intuition. It's what I would do." He shrugged. "Think about it. They're hunting together. They'll either be together or they'll at least back each other up." He made it seem so simple. She nodded. _Good. She gets it. _Sam eyes were dark, deadly serious. "Ready?" She nodded.

They moved silently into the cemetery, slipping through the opened gate, keeping to the shadows. They were in the oldest part and Sam could smell the stench of moldy graves and the faint scent of rotten flesh. The breath of a carnivore. The ghouls had been through here. Alta found a spot in shadow that gave her a wide view. She nodded to Sam. He nodded in approval and they laid out the canvas for her. She found her perch and held her gun ready. When he was satisfied she was set, he found his perch further into the cemetery, hunkered down, disappeared into the shadows and waited.

Sam had always been able to remain motionless, focused, silently watching and listening for long periods of time. Now that he was soulless his capacity to focus was almost limitless. He ignored the pains that inevitably came from sitting in one position for so long. He methodically sifted through the sounds around him, separating out the normal night sounds, distant traffic, and night breezes in the trees rustling the leaves. He listened for anything that didn't fit. Focusing his eyes on nothing he could notice the slightest movements around him.

Alta admired the way Sam became undetectable in the darkness. All hunters could do this but she thought Sam took it to a new level. It was as if he disappeared. She knew he had her in his sight and if he moved she could see him. So she trusted and watched. They waited and watched until late into the night.

Sam knew Alta was in pain. He could see her slight shifts as she tried to rearrange cramped muscles. The waiting in a motionless crouch for hours was difficult but remaining focused in the midst of quiet nothingness was impossible for her. She struggled to keep her mind from wandering. She focused on the pathway, watching for any movement. But her mind wandered. She relived Sam briefing her on the hunt, them together cleaning their weapons, the rituals of hunters and the rituals of lovers... She reigned her mind back in to the hunt. She was staring at the place where she knew Sam was. She couldn't see him but she knew he was there.

Alta felt a tiny bead of sweat roll down her neck. It inched its way down her back. _Man, she wanted to scratch!_ And her mind was off, wandering again. With an imperceptible movement Sam became visible. His eyes caught hers. When he knew he had her attention, his eyes narrowed slightly. _Focus!_ His message was clear. She knew he was right, knew the consequences were life or death. She willed herself to focus, forced herself not to watch him, but to watch the area around him looking for any movement. _Focus!_ _Damnit!_ _Focus! _She chided herself.

She saw it… He smelled it. The stench of the carnivore's mouth became stronger and he could hear the breath that carried the putrid smell. The ghoul had taken the form of its last victim. It was a male, mid-thirties. He looked strong. He looked like a person, not a monster. Sam knew it was the creature they hunted, Alta was not so sure. She had only sight; Sam had sight, smell and an innate sense that came from being soulless. He was more akin to the creature than he could know. Alta trusted Sam and she would follow his instincts.

Sam glanced toward Alta. _Wait… wait until its close enough… don't jump too soon_. She knew… knew she had to wait. She read Sam's look, knew what he was telling her. She understood the hunt. She waited. He waited until it was nearly on him before he jumped from his perch and face to face he swiped his silver blade across the creature's belly. A thin red line of blood appeared from the cut and the creature returned a low angry growl. Sam dodged a swipe from the creature's knife, and then hit it with the butt of his rifle. It stumbled backward but got its footing quickly and came up with a thrust of its blade. Sam dodged again, but not enough to miss getting a slice that ran diagonally across his midsection from left waist to right shoulder. Red began to show through the cut fabric of his shirt. Sam swung and made connection again with the ghouls gut. It doubled over but once again came up with the blade, this time swinging in a high arc that landed deep in Sam's left shoulder. It felt like he'd hit bone and the pain shot down his arm and his fingers began tingling with the electricity of a damaged nerve. Alta reached them just as Sam brought up the sawed off in his right hand to make the head shot and end this. But he didn't need to shoot. She shoved the canvas over the creature's head pulling as hard as she could to get its arms inside the bag.

Sam's left hand was useless. He dropped the gun from his right hand and struggled to release the rope from his belt. Alta held the canvas tightly around the screaming ghoul as it slung her around trying to free itself. Sam was able to pull the rope around it and they both tied its arms tightly to its sides. Alta grabbed up Sam's gun and popped the ghouls head with the butt. It stilled, finally silent and she followed the rope with the chain.

They waited… watching and listening for the other ghoul. Nothing. Sam couldn't smell it, couldn't sense it near. They saw no movement, heard nothing. Maybe there was just one. Alta's eyes questioned. He gave a slight shrug but remained alert. Suddenly there was a gunshot from across the cemetery. Sam glanced down at the creature, then at Alta. He thought for a moment. Then they heard a second gunshot followed by Gwynn's scream, then another shot. Sam saw Alta's reaction. He knew she and Gwynn were friends as well as cousins. He didn't want to leave his prize and he didn't want to leave Alta. _Christian should be covering Gwynn_. They stood staring at each other over the motionless body of the ghoul.

"Sam!" Samuel's voice rang out across the cemetery. Sam's mouth tightened into a thin line and his head tilted to the side giving Alta that almost eye roll. "Sam!"

"He needs you."

"Alta, I…" He struggled to keep his feet and it was then that she noticed the amount of blood from both wounds beginning to saturate his shirt and jacket. She saw his face become pale and his eyes began to lose focus. He turned toward Samuel's call and tried to go to him.

"Sam!" Samuel's voice was closer.

"He's down!" She screamed. And he dropped. Alta caught Sam, holding him by his jacket collar. She could see him fading and worse she could hear him wheezing. That was definitely not a good sign with a chest wound.

Sam was on his knees gasping. "If that … gets lose … shoot ... head shot ... " He choked on a cough "... kill it." He held her eyes. "If … other one …"

"Head shot. I got it… Sam? ... Sam?" He slumped onto her and she held him upright checking his chest, trying to assess the extent of his injury.

xxx

Christian and Gwynn had found perches on either side of the south entrance to the cemetery. Deep in the shadows the two were invisible from the pathway. They waited for the ghoul to make its appearance. It came into sight slowly, creeping along the shadows on the edge of the pathway. Something seemed to make it cautious. It hesitated just in front of Gwynn and glanced back in toward the graves. Christian's shot rang out across the graves hitting the creature in the gut. It doubled over but came back up quickly in a rage as Gwynn jumped and flung the canvas over its head, following immediately with a rope.

Christian spotted the second ghoul. They were both running toward Gwynn, but the ghoul was closer and reached her first. Gwynn screamed as it swiped her with a long blade and left a gash across her thigh. The creature grabbed her by the waste its blade moving to slit her throat. Christian aimed and fired a shot directly to the head. A second shot hit immediately behind Christian's from the opposite direction and he and Mark ran to Gwynn's side. The creature slumped and Gwynn fell free.

xxx

Alta kneeled next to the bagged ghoul. She held Sam cradled in her arms pressing against the wound on his shoulder. Sam was unconscious and she was desperately trying to stop the blood loss from the shoulder wound. It was bleeding worse than the gash across his chest. Panic was clawing at her. Sam had lost a lot of blood and his labored breathing and wheezing was bad, really bad. But she pushed her panic down and remained intent on Sam's needs as well as her environment. She was alone in a dangerous place. She was vulnerable. The hunter in her would not forget that. Sam had been sure there would be a second ghoul.

Alta heard the shuffling steps coming up the path toward her. She gently lowered Sam to the ground and reached for his sawed off shot gun. As the second ghoul came into sight she aimed for its head and shot, but it was too far. She readied for a second shot. She had to let it get closer to make a good shot. But it was Samuel who came up behind the creature and threw a canvas over its head, quickly following with a rope, then a chain, then a solid butt of his rifle to the creature's head. Samuel nodded to Alta and sighed with relief.

Relief was short lived as Samuel's eyes fell on Sam lying at Alta's knees. She had gone back to putting pressure on the bleeding shoulder as Samuel rushed in to help. His hand went immediately to Sam's neck to check for a pulse. It was weak but steady. He nodded to Alta.

"Let's get him out of here."

xxx

_Was I asleep?_ _I don't sleep._ He was confused. He remembered the last time he woke up. He'd been drugged and Alta kidnapped. _This can't be good. I have to remember. What happened? _He opened his eyes to see a strange room… a motel room… about like every other motel room… He tried to retrace the steps that led him here but couldn't remember past the ghoul. _The ghoul! The cemetery!_ The night's hunt began to come back to mind. "Alta?"

"I'm here." She sat beside him on the bed and ran her hand through his hair.

His ran his hand across the stitches on his chest. "That's gonna leave a scar."

"Not a bad one." She smiled at him. "I told you before, I'm good at stitches."

He tried to rise up but pain seared through his left shoulder and shot down to his fingers. He lay down and lifted his hand watching as he flexed his fingers, feeling the electric shock from the shoulder to the tinkling numbness in his fingertips.

"Here." She handed him a glass and some pills. "You need antibiotics and some pain pills."

"No pain pills. I don't need them."

"You need to rest. And you need fluid. You lost a lot of blood."

"The hunt… the ghoul?"

"We bagged two. Gwynn took a hit but she'll be ok. Samuel and the others are on their way back to the compound with the prize."

"Good." Sam sighed and relaxed.

"I don't like this new way, Sam. It's so much more dangerous. We take a lot more hits trying to capture these things. I'd rather just kill them and be done." Worry showed on her face. But he didn't feel the fear, didn't feel the worry and he didn't understand hers.

"The job's changed, Alta." He shrugged. "It just is what it is."

"You almost died, Sam."

"I'm still here."

"Yea, well how's your hand?"

For the first time in this conversation Sam showed concern. "It's not good. My fingers are numb. Nerve damage maybe?" He tried to move his hand and realized his control of arm and hand was limited. _If I can't use my hand, I can't hunt. I'll be useless. _That possibility began to work its way into his mind.

_**TBC**_

_**Big surprises in store for next time. I'm planning a whole new turn of events. Hope you are enjoying the story so far. **_

_**Thanks for the Comments and the Alerts and Favorites. I like to know what you think. **_


	12. Chapter 11

**Family Secrets** Chapter 11

_I don't own Supernatural or the characters. _

_**Hush now, don't you cry**_

_**Wipe away the teardrop from your eye**_

_**You're lying safe in bed**_

_**It was all a bad dream**_

_**Spinning in your head**_

_**Your mind tricked you to feel the pain**_

_**Of someone close to you leaving the game of life**_

_**So here it is, another chance**_

_**Wide awake you face the day**_

_**Your dream is over... or has it just begun?**_

_**I will be watching over you**_

_**I am gonna help you see it through**_

_**I will protect you in the night**_

_**I am smiling next to you, in Silent Lucidity**_

Silent Lucidity - Queensryche

"Well, finally back on track. This is will get you a key to the exec washroom." Crowley stood outside of the cages and stared at the two ghouls.

"I wouldn't be too happy. These two came at a great cost." Samuel's face was drawn. He looked tired. The stress of dealing with Crowley was taking its tole but the demands of the hunts were worse. Changing from killing to capture was not an easy task. Killing could be done from a distance. And even if it had to be done up close it was easier. Capture posed a much higher risk to the hunters and required learning a whole new set of skills and techniques. The learning curve was a dangerous one.

"Two wounded. Yes I'm aware."

"We could have made a kill easy. Capturing these things is a whole new ball game. It changes up all the rules."

"Yes, well I'm sure you have to get up close and personal." Crowley sighed. "But that's not my problem. It's yours. You deal with your issues. I have my own issues to deal with."

"Yea, well they might just become your issues. Two of my best took a hit in this last raid. Gwynn's wound is minor. She's already recovered but Sam's is not so good." Samuel glared at Crowley. "It'll be your issue if your favorite doesn't recover."

"He'll be fine." Crowley's look was confident, smug.

Samuel's look was quizzical. _What's he up to?_

"The boy's had a charmed life. More close calls than most and only his brother died more times than he has. Believe me. They're kind of like cockroaches." Crowley gave Samuel a snarky look. "You just can't get rid of them."

"He's not going to die but he can't use his left arm." Samuel was honestly sorry and he hated Crowley even more, if that was possible. _He's my grandson… not a bulldog… not a cockroach…_ He wouldn't say it out loud. It only gave Crowley more fuel for his sarcasm. "If he can't use his arm, he can't hunt."

"Not to worry. I have some favors I can call in. He'll be fine. He'll always be fine. Trust me." Crowley laughed. "Trust me." He smirked. "I like the way that sounds." His laugh echoed behind Samuel as he turned and left the warehouse.

xxx

"Dean!" He heard Sam's voice. He's in trouble. I gotta find him.

"Sam? Sammy?"

"Dean! Help! Dean!"

"I'm coming Sammy." Dean ran up the stairs following Sam's cries for help. At the top of the stairs he stopped. He couldn't see through the clouds of smoke. The smoke burned his throat and his whole body shook from the force of the cough as he tried to expel the acrid fumes from his lungs.

"You can't have him. He's mine." Dean knew the voice was Lucifer. A dark face hung in the smoke before his eyes. It glared. Its eyes were narrow and piercing. Its voice tore through him and white hot fear gripped his soul and burned in his gut. He wanted to turn away. He wanted to run.

"Dean! Ahhhgggg!" Sam's tortured scream echoed in Dean's head and he felt the pain of his own time on the rack tearing at his arms and legs. He couldn't leave his brother. He couldn't run.

"I'm here Sammy. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you. Sam! Sam!" The white hot pain in his chest jolted him awake and he gasped to get air past his burning throat and into his lungs. He threw off the covers and stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom where he heaved into the toilet. He vomited bile and whiskey until he was empty and then stayed there on his hands and knees heaving. He tried to stand but his legs and arms wouldn't work so he lay on the floor letting the coldness of the tile sink into his burning skin. He thought it would be good if he could just melt into the floor.

"Dean? You ok?" Lisa's voice kept him from fading away.

"I'm ok." He pushed the door shut with his foot. "Go back to sleep."

xxx

Sam stood gazing in the mirror. A strange sensation left his body, if that was the right way to put it. It was only the echo of a sensation like he couldn't remember feeling something. He lifted his arm and gazed at his hand. It no longer tingled. There was no numbness and no pain. Gone... He worked his fingers and tested his grip. Perfect. He didn't remember the rush of angel's wings that filled the room just minutes ago. Castiel had laid his fingers on Sam's head and healed him. Then he scrubbed the memory of the healing from Sam's brain.

If Castiel had left the memory, Sam would have asked too many questions. First one being why didn't you answer my prayer when I found myself on the ground in the middle of Stull cemetery... alone... confused... needing answers? And how did I get back topside? Who brought me back and why? And why didn't you answer when I prayed to you for Alta? And, what's wrong with me? Why am I different? Castiel had heard all these questions but he wouldn't answer. Sam was too smart. He would figure out the truth.

Alta came into the bathroom behind him and saw his reflection in the mirror. "Damn, I'm good but I'm not that good!" She reached her arms around him and traced her fingers along where the stitches should be on Sam's chest. "I've never seen anybody heal that fast or that perfectly. There's not even a scar! How is it possible?" Sam knew one way it was possible.

"I've been healed."

She laughed, thinking he meant to be funny but he was serious. Her laugh faded. "I can see that but how?"

Sam turned and brushed past her. He walked to the middle of the living room and stood; eyes closed, head bowed. "Cas? Castiel!" One eye opened and he peeped around. He sighed and threw his hands out and raised his head. His eyes gazed heavenward. "Castiel! Show yourself!"

"Who the hell is Castiel?"

"It's not important." Sam grabbed his duffel and began stuffing his clothes into it. "Let's just get an early start and get back home. I'll drive." he held up his hand. "Along with the wounds, my hand is healed as well. I'm back up and running."

"So I see."

xxx

It was an hour, maybe longer before Dean could lift himself up from the bathroom floor. He gazed at the clean shiny silver knife he held and wondered how and why it was in his hands. There was no trace of the long bloody gashes on his wrists. No trace of the blood that poured out and pooled beneath him on the floor. Dean had no memory of it, and no memory of the rush of angel's wings, just a strange feeling of something missing, something he should remember.

He laid the knife on the sink and splashed cold water on his face. Turning off the water, he slowly looked up to gazed at himself in the mirror. But it was Sam's face that floated before him. Sam was shrouded in darkness... visible only by the dim lights of passing cars as they rode in the Impala to his impending death. Sam's eyes fixed on Dean's. They were dark and determined but soft and knowing. He knew how hard this would be. Sam was worried about his brother and it showed in his eyes… eyes that would forever haunt Dean.

"You know... I'm _not_ coming back... promise not to try... bring me back... find Lisa... apple pie life... Go live an apple pie life." Dean turned from the mirror and the visage of his brother, his fists scrubbing at his eyes trying to erase the image of Sam... Sammy...

"Does this look apple pie to you?" Dean's voice was ragged as he ground out the question? Soon he remembered to breath and he lifted his face and gazed heavenward. "Castiel?" the name escaped his lips like a desperate plea. "How am I supposed to live like this?"

There was no answer to his question. Dean knew there would be no answer. It wasn't the first time he'd asked. He knew the answer was in the next room. He turned and made his way back to bed... back to Lisa.

The first hint of light had come in through the curtains as Dean slid into the bed next to Lisa. She turned in her sleep and snuggled up to him reaching to lay her arm across his chest as he cradled her on his shoulder and rested his chin on her head. Dean closed his eyes and pulled her closer to him. Lisa was his lifeline and he clung to her. She kept him grounded and she and Ben gave him a reason to go on living.

Dean closed his eyes and blessed sleep came for a brief hour before the alarm rang to start the day.

xxx

Sam unlocked the door and pushed it open, motioning for Alta to go in. She heaved a gigantic sigh and dropped her duffel on the floor, grinning.

"It's good to be home!" She plopped down on the sofa.

Sam scooped up her bag on his way in and carried it along with his own into the bedroom. _Oh God. I forgot what a neat freak he is!_ Alta jumped up and hurried into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry." she grabbed for her bag. "I'll get that."

Sam tossed the bags into the corner before she could reach them and let out a wicked chuckle. "I don't give a damn about the bags. I just wanted to get you into the bedroom." He grabbed her up into a warm embrace. "I've been thinking about what I want to do to you for hours."

"Yea? And what do you want to do to me?" Alta's smile lit up her face and her eyes shined with anticipation.

"This..." Sam's lips covered Alta's and his tongue slipped into her mouth tasting her. "...and this..." He kissed her neck and began working his way down as far as he could find exposed skin. His hands found her breasts through the cloth of her shirt.

"I like it..." she purred.

"I got more." His desire was rising fast and he began pushing her toward the bed with kisses and playful pushes. His hands roamed all over her body making her laugh with pleasure. He pulled off his shirt and reached to pull off hers. She ran her hands across his chest and he felt her hesitate. He felt the questions rising up in her mind. "Alta, don't…" He took her hands away from his chest and pulled them up around his neck. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra. "Don't think about it." Her hands fell free as he stooped removing his jeans and boxers in one smooth movement. He knelt before her and unfastened her jeans. Pulling the zipper down, he kissed the exposed skin of her belly and moved lower tugging her jeans off her hips. He pushed her to the bed and pulled her jeans along with her panties off and tossed them aside.

She lay back on the bed and he hovered over her. Again she brushed her hands across his chest feeling the smooth unscarred skin. "Don't think, Alta… don't…"

"But…" She looked into his eyes, questioning.

"It's a gift… from a friend." His hands cradled her face and he kissed her eyes. "Maybe not the first gift."

She gasped. _What was he saying?_

"Shhh." He whispered in her ear. "Don't think about that now." She felt him settle between her legs, his so familiar erection pushing against her and the sweet, hot desire pulsed through her body. He felt her hot and ready for him. "Think about this." His breath was hot in her ear as he pushed into her. "Hmmm" He moaned as he felt her warm moistness close around him. "So hot…"

She arched against him. He bent down to catch her nipples with kisses and soft bites. Her body flushed with heat. Her eyes closed with the pleasure of him deep inside her… thrusting. She ran her hands across his chest. "A gift…" She whispered. "Oh God, I love you… Sam…" It escaped her lips before she could think.

He looked down at her and drank in the sight and the smell of her love for him. He already knew she loved him… had known for some time. She couldn't hide it from him. He could smell it. It oozed from her like sweet perfume. But to hear her say it tore through him like electricity. _She's mine._ "My gift…" He whispered in return. And he watched as he moved in her… watched the passion on her face as he claimed her as his.

xxx

In spite of the dream last night Dean felt good this morning. It was as if the nightmare and the panic attack that followed had burned off the anxiety and left him calmer. It was getting better. His dreams were coming less often now. Some nights they didn't come at all. There were days when Lisa and Dean and Ben shared the good times like normal people. There were times when Dean looked at Ben and actually saw Ben and not his 'little' brother Sam. There were times that Dean looked at Lisa and didn't feel guilty.

Dean had made it down to the kitchen first this morning and started making breakfast. He had coffee made, dishes laid out, bacon fried and eggs ready to pour in the pan when Lisa came into the kitchen.

"I love Saturdays." Lisa especially loved the Saturdays when Dean was smiling like he was this morning. They moved together like a normal family. She poured milk for Ben and three OJs and 2 coffees.

"We've got ball practice this morning, Dean. You coming?" Ben was nibbling on his bacon while Dean was frying the eggs.

"Yea, sure… sounds good." Dean smiled and spooned eggs on everyone's plate. Lisa sipped her coffee and smiled.

"Great!" Ben loved Dean's good mornings too. He was a smart kid. He knew Dean was struggling with his brother's death and he noticed that he was finally beginning to have better days more often. More days like today.

"Don't forget we're going to the Mitchell's for a cookout this afternoon." Lisa watched as Dean devoured his breakfast. When Dean ate with that kind of abandon it was another sign of a good day.

xxx

Alta woke up feeling warm and especially loved. "Mmmm" She stretched and sat up on the edge of the bed. "I'm starving." She looked at Sam who was hunched over his laptop.

"There's cereal."

"No milk."

"Pop tarts?"

"Let's go out and get some real breakfast." She reached for her jeans and started toward the bathroom. "Are you looking for a case?"

"Yea."

"I'm not going out again. We've been hunting nonstop for weeks. I'm exhausted!" Sam was clueless as to what to do with time off. What could you possibly do if you weren't hunting?

"There's something out there to hunt and I'm gonna find it."

Alta rummaged through the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out a card. She glanced at it then smiled. "I'll tell you what Mr. Scott Rockenfield, you find a spa..." she flipped the card to him. "and book me in for a weekend."

"I'm not going to a Spa." He couldn't imagine why anyone would waste time like that. He'd rather hunt.

"I didn't ask you to go. I want to go away by myself and do nothing but be pampered. You go do what you do so well." She laughed.

"Sounds like a plan." He let out a sigh as his long fingers started roaming over the keys of his computer. "One Spa coming up. Is a weekend long enough?"

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoyed. I'm always thankful to hear Comments and Favs and Alerts. **_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Family Secrets**_ chapter 12

_I don't own Supernatural, don't profit from this story except the pleasure it gives me to write it. I hope it brings you pleasure to read it._

_**It's a shame our world responds to life**_

_**As a puzzle in disguise**_

_**I wish our course would lead us towards**_

_**The peace and loving kind**_

_**But we'll never walk hand in hand **_

_**Until we let old wounds mend**_

_**And we'll never sing songs as one**_

_**Until we find love**_

_**In a moment some wisdom could be learned**_

_**In a moment new voices could be heard**_

_**In a moment we could make heads turn**_

_**In a moment we could change**_

_In a Moment – Collective Soul_

GreyStone was a beautiful old Grand Hotel in the Pocono's from the late 1800 that had extensive spa facilities. Alta had arrived last night and checked into the luxurious room Sam booked for her. The steam shower was the first thing she enjoyed, letting the hot water and steam soak into her long neglected stiff muscles. She snacked on nuts and Champaign and then made her way to bed.

_This can hardly be called a bed. _She mused as she slid into the silky soft sheets and snuggled into the downy soft bed. _More like sinking into a cloud._ She thought about Sam. He needed something like this but somehow she knew he'd never appreciate it. He'd never relax long enough. _I need to give him lessons in lazy… indulgence… easy… soft…_ She drifted into a long overdue dreamless sleep.

xxx

Sam was on a job in the small town in Pennsylvania near the GreyStone. He'd found Alta a spa but for himself; he found a mystery. Samuel had no idea Sam was going on a hunt alone. Neither did Alta. Sam knew they would put up a fuss. He'd do what he wanted anyway, but less hassle to let Samuel think he was with Alta and Alta to think he was with Samuel. She'd have everything she needed at the Spa. She'd never see him while he was in town. Easier for everyone.

A little research turned up classic signs of a witch, hex bags and all. Witches were so sloppy. They left clues everywhere. The victim a woman in her mid-thirties died heaving and vomiting blood and straight pins. The coroner said he'd never seen anything like it. He counted sixty six and then just stopped counting and gave an estimate of over one hundred. "How is that even possible? Her stomach and her esophagus were ripped to shreds." He shook his head gazing down at the body. Sam couldn't begin to imagine how many times he'd heard that and watched a puzzled coroner try to figure out the supernatural in a natural way.

Sam wondered if Samuel wanted witches alive too. _Do they count as creatures? They are actually humans. Human's gone dark side_. _Maybe I'll take it alive._ He shrugged to himself. _Maybe I'll just kill it and be done. _He pulled the Charger over at the front of a rather neat little cottage in a row of neat little cottage style houses. _Nice neighborhood._ Sam smirked. _Nice neighborhood with a witch._ He stepped out of the car, slid his gun into the back of his pants, straightened his suit jacket over it and straightened his tie.

Sam held up his FBI ID for the woman who answered the door. "I'd like to talk to you about your sister, ma'am." He used his official voice, perfected from years of practice impersonating officials. His face was emotionless as he waited while she examined his ID. She hesitated. His eyes narrowed. He almost looked threatening. He could tell he made her uncomfortable. _Good. She'll be nervous. Nervous people tend to babble and give more information._ "It's important." He nodded and gestured toward the interior of the house. "May I?" She stepped back, holding the door open. Sam brushed past her into the living room.

xxx

Alta was sitting at a small table in the large dining room sipping a mimosa. _What a great way to start the day._ She picked up the menu.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Alta looked up to see a pretty woman. She had dark hair, dark eyes and a beautiful smile. Her smile was warm and friendly. "Please." Alta gestured to the empty seat across the table. She couldn't help but think there was something familiar about this woman. For a hunter, that was not always a good thing. Alta immediately went into hunter mode. It was a reflex. She could no more stop it than she could stop breathing. She was looking for clues, assessing the situation.

"I'm here alone. I thought you might be too. Maybe you'd like some company?"

"I'm by myself." _God, I hope she's not making a pass._ _Awkward!_

"My boyfriend gave me this week." He would never come here. Too Froo Froo, you know." She giggled. "He could really use a weekend like this. He's been through a lot. Men! They just don't know how to relax and be pampered. It's a pity, really."

"Yes, it is." Alta's hunting instincts told her the woman was not a threat, but still something was curious about her. "My boyfriend gave me this week too. Isn't that a coincidence?" _Not many coincidences in my experience._ The hunter in her was still on duty. _I just can't get a break! _She downed the rest of her drink.

When the waiter came, they ordered breakfast and Alta asked him to bring a pitcher for them. "You like mimosas, I hope."

"Sure. Sounds like a great way to start the day."

_I think I like her._

"My first appointment isn't until 11:00. Deep tissue massage."

"It's a beautiful place to kill some time. I had deep tissue at 7:00 this morning. It was great. I need it." Alta smiled. _She seems uncomplicated_. "My name is Alta … Rockenfield." She had to remember what alias she used for the credit card.

"I'm Lisa Braeden." It took all of Alta's practiced skill not to show her surprise. When she heard 'Lisa' it immediately hit her why the woman seemed so familiar. She and Sam had watched this woman through her window. She was Dean Winchester's Lisa. Alta downed her second mimosa. _Champagne is too slow. I need whisky!_ Alta went into interrogation mode.

"You know, my boyfriend wouldn't come here with me either. I was thinking the same thing as you. It would do him a world of good to have a relaxing week. He works all the time. Is your boyfriend a workaholic too?"

"No… Dean's been through a hard time." Her bright smile faded a little. "He's just back from war. He was in it practically all his life. I guess it's all he knows. So he's having a hard time adjusting."

"I'm sure he's glad to be out of it, enjoying a normal life." Alta couldn't help but continue to fish for information. _What about Sam?_ _Didn't Dean care about his brother?_

"Yes, sometimes. But he lost his brother too. Sam died right in front of Dean. How do you get over something like that?" Lisa's eyes were just beginning to brim with tears. She gave a nervous smile. "I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't come here to be all depressed and talk about other people's troubles."

"It's ok. I asked." Alta found out what she wanted to know. Things weren't all apple pie for Dean. Somehow she liked him a little better. He _did_ care about his brother. "Have another glass of juice." She poured more drink into Lisa's glass. "Talk all you want. I don't mind."

xxx

Dean was pitching ball in the back yard with Ben. He wasn't really good at it. Good enough maybe but it wasn't something he and Sam had done a lot when they were growing up. They didn't have a lot of free time. Dad kept them busy with training, mostly. And when they weren't doing school work they were learning to do research for the hunt. Ben's life was so different. He had free time… he had freedom. Ben could choose what he wanted to do. Dean didn't want to do anything to change that.

"Dean!" Ben could see Dean beginning to go into his faraway gaze. He'd seen it enough and he worked at finding ways to change that. He'd watched his mom enough to know how to distract Dean back into the present. "Can we go get Pizza? I'm hungry!"

"Yea, sure thing."

Dean sat opposite Ben in the booth. "I'll have a beer." He looked at Ben. "You order. Whatever you want is fine with me. But… no pineapple or fruity stuff. Oh, and no vegetarian… need some meat on a pizza, like pepperoni and sausage… Oh, and no mushrooms…"

"Dean!" Ben rolled his eyes at Dean and then turned his gaze to the waitress. "Large pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese…" He smiled at Dean. "Anything else?"

"No, that's perfect."

"Great!" Ben turned back to the waitress. "I'll have a cherry cola." He liked going out with Dean.

Dean used to sit in restaurants like this with his brother. But now it was Dean, not Sam who sat with the laptop opened in front of him looking for old obscure references. He was searching for some way to get Sam back. And it was Ben who was flirting not Dean. Ben was eyeing the little girl in the next booth. Dean smiled at the irony. He gave Ben a twenty. "Go ask her to play some video games." He nodded toward the object of Ben's attention.

"Thanks, Dean." Ben grabbed the money and headed off to spend some time with a new fling. Ben liked doing things with Dean. He thought Dean treated him like a guy, not like a twelve year old kid. He thought Dean was awesome. And he had an awesome job. Ben thought it would be great to be a hunter when he grew up. He wanted to be like Dean and he wanted Dean to go back to hunting because it was cool.

Dean took a gulp of his beer. _Sam would have rolled his eyes at me and suffered, making eyes and getting nowhere with that chick. He was so shy. Ben's so extroverted. He's gonna have lots of chicks. I need to have a talk with him… like I did with Sammy…_ Dean turned to the computer screen and buried himself in research again. _Sammy… you're driving me crazy! I won't leave you. _

xxx

Sam stood in front of the woman as he interviewed her. She was seated in an overstuffed wingchair wringing a tissue in her hands. He twirled his pen impatiently; tapping it against the pad he held in his other hand. He waited for her to finish her latest bout of tears.

"It's important. Can you remember anything unusual about your sister's… Anita's activities in the last few weeks? Did she have any new friends she hung out with?"

"Well, she just started dating this man… very nice. I liked him. And he seemed to like her too. I think they had become quite involved." She looked up at Sam. He nodded. _I get it. They were fucking_._ Definitely not a reason to kill her._

"Can you give me his name?"

"Robert Ashton. He just moved into town a few months ago. Recently divorced, I think." Sam wrote down the name. He would check. There were male witches, but odds are it was a woman. "And she did have some friends she began going to lunch with on a regular basis. But she'd known them since High School."

"But these friends didn't start spending time together until recently?"

"Yes, that's right. They called themselves the Lunch Ladies." She sniffed and choked on a cough. _Of God, here we go again._ Sam rolled his eyes and let out a sigh.

"Can you tell me the other women's names?" He bent down and pulled another tissue from the box on the coffee table and handed it to her, forcing his best Sammy smile. It was close enough. She took the tissue and dabbed her eyes. "Did they meet at a specific place… specific days? Please any information you can give me would be helpful." _This just might be a coven._ "It would be helpful if I could see her room, too."

"But the sheriff's office said they were through with her room. They were pretty thorough."

"Are you well versed in forensics ma'am?"

She looked confused. "No, I guess not."

"Exactly. You wouldn't know if they were thorough or not, would you? Now, if you could just show me to her room."

"Oh, ok…"

Once Sam was in the dead sister's room he began searching for the evidence he was sure was there. He searched in drawers. First prize, the woman's journal which he stuffed into the inside pocket of his jacket. Then he searched under tables, cabinets and under the bed. He stopped briefly and looked down at the bloody stains on the carpet. There had been an enormous amount of blood. He resumed his search. Finally he found it under a chair in the corner of the room. Yahtzee! He stuffed the hex bag into the pocket with the journal. _A curse! I'm going to gank some witches. He almost drooled with excitement._

"Did you find anything?"

"Yes. Thank you for your help." Sam handed her his card. "If you think of anything else, please give me a call."

She watched him stroll down the sidewalk to his car. _What a strange man!_

xxx

They met by the pool. Alta dived into the cool water and swam laps while Lisa sat on the side dangling her legs into the water. The two women were alike in some ways. Both dark haired, they were close to the same age. Lisa's eyes were dark brown while Alta's were a striking crystal green. They were both beautiful by anyone's standards. But the differences were striking as well. Alta's smile was beautiful, but it was anything but innocent. Lisa's smile was almost childlike and her eyes had the same innocent quality. Alta's eyes had seen so much more and it showed. Lisa was tall and lean, she moved like a model while Alta was way too short to be a model and she was lean, but she was strong, muscular, but not bulky. Alta moved like a cat… like a hunter. She swam over to Lisa and pulled herself out of the pool with quick ease.

"Let's go soak in the hot tub. I need a drink."

"Me too." Lisa smiled.

xxx

Sam was obviously out of place but he didn't give it much thought. Saturday afternoon lunch at Rachael's Tea Room… you go where the work leads you. He gave his best imitation of a warm smile to the hostess. "Are you Rachael?"

"Yes. I'm glad you could join us. Will you be dining alone or is someone joining you?"

Sam gave a strained look and a sigh. "Just me." He looked around the room and spotted the women he was interested in. "May I have that table?" He pointed to the vacant table next to a group of three women, the only likely candidates in the room.

"Certainly" Rachael escorted him to the table and gave the Lunch Ladies a wink as she passed them on her way back to the front.

Sam's big hands fumbled with the dainty tea cup as he looked at the green fluid and tried to decide what to do about the little leaves and flower petals floating around in it. Finally he decided to just gulp it down in one mouthful and filter what leaves he could with his lips. He ended up making a loud slurping sound. And the lunch ladies all looked at him smiling and asked him to join them. _Friendly for a bunch of witches. Easier for me_.

The Lunch Ladies turned out to be a fun loving group of women. They didn't appear witchlike in the least. But then witches didn't look witchlike. They looked human. They were human. They did give up information about the late member of their group, though and that was what Sam was interested in.

"Anita was always a little odd." Rebecca volunteered that bit of information. She sat on one side of Sam and took a few opportunities to brush against his thigh.

"How was she odd?" Sam didn't resist her advances. If it helped her spill information, that was fine with him. And if later… well, she was attractive and she had a hungry look. He leaned in her direction to catch her scent. He could smell the sexual tension in her but she had on too much perfume. Sam didn't particularly like perfume. It disguised the true smell of people's emotions.

"She was always into the 'new age' spiritual kind of stuff."

"What kind of 'stuff' did she do?" _Get specific, damn it._ Sam smiled.

"I would say she liked the 'dark' stuff. She loved Halloween, a little more than an adult should." It was Connie's turn to give up information. "She dabbled in the occult sometimes." This one was more observant. She would have more information.

"Occult? Do you... ladies…" Sam gave his best imitation of surprise.

"Oh, no, no. That's ridiculous. My husband's a minister" Sam dismissed the third Lunch Lady as a candidate for information.

"These little…" He gestured toward the tray of delicate Hors d'œuvres. "…cute."

"They are tasty aren't they?" Anita brushed against him again and smiled.

"Good thing I'm not hungry." Sam rolled his eyes and let out a smiling sigh as the waitress placed a plate of desserts in front of them. _Again with the flowers_. He never thought of flowers as food.

As they left the Tea Room he gave each of the women his card but his eyes were focused on Connie. "If you think of anything else that might help," his eyes narrowed and he leaned in toward her just a fraction. "Please, call me."

xxx

"Hey, Dean." Lisa had expected that Dean would call. She sat with Alta on the large stone patio of GreyStone. They sipped wine and gazed out over the manicured grounds. "How is everything?"

Alta couldn't help but listen to Lisa's half of the conversation. She didn't exactly mean to eavesdrop on her new friend. She told herself it was just the habit of a hunter. Any information could be useful. And she had to admit she was interested in Dean because she was in love with Sam and she couldn't help but want to know about this part of his life. The driving question being; why was it so important to Sam to hide from Dean? What was so bad he couldn't work it out with his brother? Alta didn't have siblings, just cousins… not the same thing she supposed. And her parents had died on a hunt when she was sixteen. The clan was her only family and they were a fairly independent bunch except when hunting. Then they worked together like a military unit.

"That's good. Sounds like you had a good day." Lisa looked relieved. "Where's Ben? Let me speak to him."

_One day and she worried. Is she over protective or are his issues just that bad? _Alta sipped her wine and continued to listen.

"Is everything going ok?" Lisa's voice was not casual. She needed Ben's reassurance. "Good. You call me if anything… anything. I don't mind." She listened. "Yea, I'm sure. I love you honey!" She closed her phone. She looked pensive.

"Everything ok? You look a little worried."

"I haven't been away from Dean and Ben for this long a time, ever."

"You think Dean can't handle it?"

"It's just hard for him sometimes."

"Well you've got a week and it's just been what, twenty four hours? You're supposed to be relaxing. I can't see that happening just yet." Alta felt sorry for her. But she also knew it wouldn't be long before Lisa would spill all her beans and she would find out what was going on with Dean. Most importantly she would find out all Lisa knew about Sam.

xxx

Connie did call Sam that evening. He went to her apartment to hear what else she remembered that she thought might be important.

"Thank you for calling. Any information could be helpful." Sam waved off the beer she offered. "I'm interested in the occult things you said Anita was into."

"Well, we all thought she was a little strange, even in high school." She walked toward the kitchen with the beer he had refused. "How about some wine? Or coffee, would you like some coffee?"

"No, nothing, thank you." Sam sighed. He was beginning to see that she had no information for him. "You were going to tell me about Anita." He continued to press the question.

_Damn! Stubborn man!_ Her back was to him so he didn't see her eyes roll and he didn't see her dip her finger into the rejected beer. She rubbed it across her lips and turned back to him. Closing the distance between them quickly she grabbed his collar and pulled his lips down to hers.

Sam stumbled back from her, stunned and confused. His expression quickly changed and he reached for her gliding his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. His eyes glowed as he glared down at her. She smiled and he grabbed her hair into a fist and pulled her lips to his, crushing her smile and delving into her mouth, hungry for more. He was vaguely aware that something about this wasn't right. But he couldn't stop himself.

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry for the cliff hanger but it's just too much to put into one chapter. So you'll have to wait to see what happens with Sam and Connie. More Dean is coming. Just need to get things set up for a big meet.**_

_**Thanks for the Comments and Alerts and Favs. All are very much appreciated.**_


	14. Chapter 13

**Family Secrets** Chapter 13

_I don't own Supernatural or the characters. I don't profit from my stories. I just write for fun and because I'm obsessed…_

_**The midnight sun, she saves me  
>From what I've become<br>The midnight sun, she saves me  
>From what I have done<br>What I have done**_

**_She's here to rescue me_**  
><strong><em>Clear my mind, and set me free<em>**  
><strong><em>If it's dark, she still shines<em>**  
><strong><em>A masterpiece made by design<em>**  
><strong><em>She's come to rescue me<em>**  
><strong><em>Stain my mind with make believe<em>**  
><strong><em>If it's dark, she still shines<em>**  
><strong><em>She's my lady, so divine<em>**

_Lady So Divine - Shinedown  
><em>

His reaction was just as she had planned. He fell quickly and he fell hard. She thought his kiss was almost desperate. _Good. _He would not resist her. He was strong and she would have his strength.

Sam felt her power. It flowed through her lips and washed over his body like liquid fire. Her scent was intoxicating and it seemed to flow up from the depths of the earth. He tightened his fist around her hair and held her face up to his. Gazing down into her dark eyes he was drawn into a deep pool of black velvet. He felt the ageless wisdom of mother... sister... wife... woman. It was a thread that connected countless generations... infinite lives... She called him, named him special and led him into the deep, where she opened herself and told him to touch her.

Sam stood and gazed at the shining being in the center of that deep darkness. She was so bright that he could not see her face. He felt her pulling him toward her. _Touch me_... she called him. He reached for her. She glowed so brightly his hand seemed to disappear into her but he felt it. The instant of contact he felt intense pain and joy, love and passion, sorrow and despair. All of the emotions he was denied. In that moment he understood... Sammy, Alta, Dean, Bobby, Samuel... all of them... people... humanity... what they were that he was not. He began to pull her into him. Like a starving man he needed her to fill the empty void he didn't know he had… until now.

For thousands of years she had lived taking souls of men. But Sam Winchester had no soul. When he touched her, she knew. She felt the void and the intense pain as he sucked her into the emptiness inside of him. She threw off his hand, breaking the contact. She turned her face from him struggling to gain control quickly. Until she could close herself again she was vulnerable and he could take her... could kill her.

He felt the intense pain as she ripped apart from him. "No! Don't..." he reached out grabbing for her but it was too late. She had turned away, the brightness fading, the connection severed. He saw the bright creature fading as she flew away from him leaving him alone in the dark. And in that moment Sam Winchester cried. A single tear slid down his cheek. For an instant he saw what had been taken from him. But his sorrow quickly faded. He hadn't been connected long enough, hadn't taken enough to maintain the feelings that her soul awakened in him. He had known something was different when he got back from the cage. For a moment he felt the difference. The tiny spark he kept glowed deep inside him, weak and alone.

Sam looked down at his feet and saw Connie limp on the floor. He knelt and pulled her up to face him. Her eyes fluttered open and he looked into them searching for the being he had seen but she was gone. These eyes were the ordinary blue eyes of Connie not the dark bottomless pools that had drawn him into that place. This was not the being that knew what he was and maybe knew how to fix him. Connie was a vessel. She was still only semiconscious when he carried her into the kitchen, tied her to a chair and gaged her.

xxx

"I have so enjoyed this trip!" Lisa's smile was genuine and Alta couldn't help but like her even apart from the fact that she was getting information from her. "I'm so glad we met."

"Yea, me too." Alta downed the last of her drink. "I feel as if we've been friends forever."

"Well, I hope I haven't bored you with all the melodrama that's my life right now. But it's been good to talk to someone about it."

"It's interesting, actually. I feel as if I know Dean and Ben. I don't really have family. My mother and father died years ago and I don't have any siblings. Never was lucky enough to marry or have children." _Not really the best game plan for a hunter. _Alta wondered if marrying and having children, along with all the melodrama would be lucky or not. _Probably not so lucky!_ "I hope with time Dean will come to terms with his brother's death. Do you think he will go back into… um… special ops?"

"No!" Lisa responded too quickly, more a denial than something she believed. "He's retired from that!"

"Just a thought." Alta wondered. She didn't know any hunters who had successfully retired. It was not something you do for a living. It was much deeper than that. For the Campbell's, it was in the DNA. And Dean was a Campbell. Just like Sam was a Campbell. "Tell me more about Sam. What was he like?"

"I didn't really know him well but he was quiet... shy, I think. He was really smart." Lisa took a sip of her drink and tried to remember her impressions of Sam. "I wasn't around Sam much, really. But he seemed sweet."

_Sweet? Sam?_

"He was the typical 'little brother', you know. He seemed to follow Dean's lead. I'm pretty sure Dean called the shots in their team."

_This doesn't sound like Sam._

"Dean raised Sam for the most part. Their mother was dead and their father was gone a lot. He left the boys alone and I guess Dean's just always been like a father to Sam."

Alta continued to ply Lisa for information about the brothers and came up with a picture of Sam that was impossible to reconcile with the Sam she knew… the Sam she loved. The picture she had of Dean was of someone driven. Probably a great hunter. What little she knew of his rep; that was the case. Certainly not someone she would imagine giving up the hunt. But the thing that was hardest to understand was that the two brothers Lisa described would stay apart from each other. The Sam she described would never leave his brother grieving not knowing that he was alive and hunting. Something just didn't add up.

"Dean and Ben are coming to pick me up tomorrow. They'll be here for lunch. I'd love for you to meet them." Lisa smiled, so innocent, so unsuspecting that Alta was anything but just a new friend. "I'd like for them to meet you. Would you have lunch with us?"

Alta had planned to get an early start back to her and Sam's apartment but this was just too good to pass up. The story of Sam and Dean and Lisa and Ben was intriguing and she wanted to find out why Sam Winchester seemed like two different people, the one that Lisa and Dean knew and the one she knew. "I'd love too."

"Maybe Scott will be here and can join us?"

"Scott… no. He won't be picking me up. I drove myself." Alta almost forgot Scott was the alias she gave for Sam, the one on the credit card he used. "I'm sorry he won't get to meet you or your family. I'm sure he and Dean would have a lot in common."

"Maybe another time. You'll have to give me your address, email, Facebook… whatever you do."

"Of course."

Lisa picked up her purse and started toward the door. As Alta followed she noticed how gracefully Lisa moved. Her Safire dress was simple but it flowed around her as she moved, accentuating her long lean grace. _She's so feminine... so pretty. She's everything I'm not. Sweet, honest, innocent... I can put on a dress..._ Alta ran her hands along the coral fabric of the dress she'd bought just for this trip... _but I'm still a hunter. _It was no wonder that a tough and weary hunter would want a fresh and innocent woman like Lisa. She wondered if Sam would rather have someone more feminine... less road weary... not a hunter.

xxx

"Tell me what you are." Sam stood in front of Connie. His arms were crossed, a silver knife in his right hand.

"You already know what I am or you wouldn't have me trussed up like a Christmas turkey." Connie's eyes glowed with anger.

"I know you're a witch. You're the witch I was hunting but you're more than that." Sam's eyes became dark, his face hard. He drew his lips into a narrow line and narrowed his eyes. He bent down to be face to face, noses just inches apart. "You're a vessel. Just what are you a vessel for?"

"I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about."

It was so fast she didn't see it coming. Sam backhanded her across the face so hard the chair rocked backward almost sending her to the floor. "Wrong answer!" Her head slumped forward. Blood ran from her nose. "Tell me the truth. Who are you a vessel for?"

Connie shook her head trying to clear her confusion. She gave him no answer.

"What did you try to do to me?" Sam towered over her waiting for her answer. Still, she gave him none. He switched sides and backhanded her again. This time he used his right hand and the force of his blow sent the chair over on its side with Connie helplessly tied to it. He grabbed the back of the chair and jerked it upright. Connie focused on the face she thought was so handsome when he came into the tea room. She'd seen him as strong, but she thought he was gentle. His smile had seemed so warm, his dimples so sweet; he seemed so young. She thought he would be perfect but she didn't see this darkness. It was as if he'd changed into a different person, older and cruel. She was terrified.

"Why did you put a spell on me?" Sam watched as blood ran from her nose and mouth. Her lip began to swell and was already red from his blows. "What kind of being was it that possessed you and what did she want with me?"

Connie's voice was ragged with fear. "I don't…" Sam raised his hand again. "I can't… "

"You'll tell me. You'll have to tell me to survive."

"Isis, help me." Connie whispered before she passed out.

With Connie unconscious, Sam took the opportunity to search her apartment. He went through her computer, tracked her emails and her files. He searched through her pantry and the herbs she had stored. He packed up candles and herbs then searched through her library and found an ancient book. Older than any he had seen. A Grimoire. He opened the book leafing through the pages, gazing at the symbols and spells. This was a very dear prize. She was a powerful witch.

Sam knew he would never be able to let her go. To have a witch this powerful angry at you and free… it was a death sentence… a very bad one. He waited until late in the night to bind her and take her to his car and then back to his apartment. Whatever he had to do, he would do but he would find Isis, the one Connie prayed to and he would get the answers he sought from her.

xxx

"I missed you." Dean pulled Lisa into a warm embrace, his hands wandering down her back as his lips lingered on hers. He cared for Lisa. He thought he might love her but he knew he was too mixed up right now to be sure. Lisa was his refuge from the life. He had wanted out for some time now. It had become so much more than just hunting monsters. The long hard road with Sam and his issues; the demon blood, Ruby, Lucifer and then there was the angels. He missed Castiel but the rest of the lot was a bunch of Dicks! Dealing with Zachariah had been an angelic sized pain in the ass. But Sam's 'triple lindy' into the pit had nearly killed Dean.

Ben coughed and cleared his throat. "I missed you too!"

Dean released his hold on Lisa and she hugged Ben laughing and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Did you boys have a good time while I was gone?"

"Yea, just the guys hanging out. We worked on the Impala. Dean's teaching me about engines." Ben was all grins. He loved working on the Impala. What he really loved was spending time with Dean.

"The Impala, really? I'm glad you took it out of the garage. Did you guys go for a drive?" Truthfully, Lisa wasn't sure she liked the idea. She liked the Impala and she knew Dean loved it but it reminded her of Dean's hunting and she was happy to have him retired from the life. She wondered how he could possibly ride in the Impala and not think of Sam.

"Yea, we went for a drive! It was way cool!"

Having the week with Ben was good for Dean. He did think of Sam but he enjoyed sharing his 'baby' with Ben and all his excitement and enthusiasm eased the pain of grieving. Being around his ten year old step son made Dean think of happier times with Sam, before they knew about 'Yellow eyes' and Ruby, angels and demons, and Lucifer and Michael.

Dean slid his arm around Lisa's waist. "It was good. Ben has a knack for engines. I enjoyed teaching him." He smiled and gave Ben a wink. "It's back in the garage. I drove the Suburban up here." He could sense her unease.

"Good." Dean liked to have Lisa's approval. She and Ben had come to represent everything 'normal' to him. After living his entire life in a male dominated world he was now living in a world with Lisa in it. He loved her femininity. She was perfect… perfect wife… perfect mother… perfect lover and friend.

"I asked Alta to join us for lunch. You know, the friend I told you about." They made their way to a table and settled in. Dean motioned for Ben to help his mother with her chair and Lisa beamed at the attention. "There's Alta now." Lisa looked toward the door as Alta came into the room.

Dean's 'spidey sense' kicked into overdrive the moment he saw her. She was strikingly beautiful. Her dark auburn hair flowed in a thick mass and curled around her shoulders. She had a beautiful face and crystal green eyes. But it was the way she moved that got Deans attention. She moved confidently into the room, her eyes darting around taking in the environment, sizing up her situation, lining up her options. The movements were automatic. She moved like a predator, like a hunter and the hunter in Dean recognized it immediately.

"Alta!" Lisa called out to her motioning her over to their table. She noticed Lisa's now familiar welcoming smile, her innocent acceptance of the new friend she knew nothing about yet loved her anyway. Then she noticed Dean. He was tall, though not as tall as Sam. Fairer skin and hair than Sam, in fact the only resemblance she could see was the hazel green eyes.

"Dean." Alta extended her hand. Even the handshake was telling. Dean felt the confident strength of a hunter. He didn't know how but he was certain she was not just a coincidental friend. Something was up and it was his greatest fear that something or someone would try to get to him through Lisa or Ben.

This was a mistake and she knew it. Her curiosity got the better of her. She thought she could fool Dean and he would think she was just another girlfriend of Lisa's, just another woman spending time at the spa. She underestimated his intuition. Now she would have to try to put him at ease and throw off his very obvious suspicions.

"Alta...?" Dean's eyes drilled hard into her. She knew he was fishing for information. She would be careful, but Lisa already knew the alias Sam had used.

"Rockenfield."

"Your husband?"

"Scott. Sorry he couldn't be here. I drove myself. He keeps very busy... workaholic."

"Scott Rockenfield." The hair on Dean's neck stood on end. What other hunter used rock aliases but Sam and him?

"Do you know him?"

"Does he play in a rock band?"

_Damn!_ Alta really wished Sam had used 'John Smith'. This was getting downright uncomfortable. "Security, actually. His company covers most of the US. It's a family operation. Him and his Grandfather." details, but not too much. She had to walk a fine line.

Lisa shot Dean a look. He knew she thought he was being rude. He gave her a sheepish look, smiled and shrugged. She hated it when the suspicious hunter in him came out. Usually it was out of habit and unwarranted but he was convinced something was going on this time.

xxx

Castiel had taken the Winchester's as his charges when he sided with them against first Zachariah and then Michael. He had agreed to be guardians for them. That agreement for an angel was absolute. He was forever bound to their souls. And so he watched and waited and he intervened when he had to. Dean's torment he knew would lessen in time and in fact already had. Dean was beginning to cope.

But Sam's pain was relentless. Castiel heard each cry of Sam's soul from the depths of Hell. Each torturous burn and tear and gash... all the agony that Lucifer and Michael inflicted on him... every soulless, cruel, pitiless act Sam did on earth inflicted more pain on his soul in Hell. And it never lessened. If anything it got worse because it was endless and eternal. Castiel knew that Sam could not survive this level of torment and he took on himself what measure of the pain he could from Sam's soul.

Castiel gazed up toward Sam's apartment. He couldn't tell him what had happened or why. He had no answers for Sam. He feared what Sam might find out from the witch he was torturing and he felt the pain Sam caused to his own soul with each blow he gave but he dared not interfere... not yet.

Sam had done his research while the witch was unconscious. Isis, worshiped in ancient Egypt as the perfect mother and wife, matron of nature and magic. She was also a friend of slaves, sinners and the downtrodden. Now he needed to figure out what that had to do with him and what she tried to do to him and why.

xxx

At Dean's suggestion Lisa was showing Ben around the grounds of GreyStone while he packed the car. He thought he might catch Alta alone in the parking lot. And his plan worked. He spotted her rolling her suitcase toward a silver Camaro. He reached her just in time to scoop up the case and plop it in the trunk for her.

"What's going on here?" His face was hard, his eyes fixed her.

_Damn! Calm! Be calm._ "What's do you mean? I'm just headed home."

"No... You're not just some random chick who happened to make friends with Lisa."

"I _am_ friends with Lisa! We had a nice time together." Alta knew she had to be very good to slide past him. He was already in interrogation mode and he was setting up the trap. "Don't you let her have any friends?" She tried to side track him.

"That is_ not _what this is about!" Dean grabbed Alta's shoulders. Her instinct was to break free and defend herself but that would be a dead giveaway.

"Dean! What is_ wrong _with you?" Lisa was fuming.

"Lisa!" Dean let go of Alta. He was caught red handed.

"It's ok, Lisa." Alta needed to end this and get away before Dean had a chance to get information from her. "Just a misunderstanding." She looked at Dean and gave him her most innocent smile. She wanted to reassure him that she was not a threat. But Dean could feel it deep in his hunting bones. His world was about to be ripped apart... again... and this woman was part of it.

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please Comment, R&R. I love to know what you think.**_


	15. Chapter 14

Family Secrets chapter 14

_I don't own Supernatural or the characters in the TV show. Alta and Connie are mine. _

_Isis is an ancient Egyptian god. She was worshipped as the ideal mother and wife as well as the matron of nature and magic. She was the friend of slaves, sinners, artisans, and the downtrodden, and she listened to the prayers of the wealthy, maidens, aristocrats, and rulers. There is nothing in lore that describes her as stealing men's souls. I invented that to have some fun with both the goddess and with Soulless Sam._

_**The midnight sun, she saves me**_

_**From what I've become**_

_**The midnight sun, she saves me**_

_**From what I have done**_

_**What I have done**_

_**She's here to rescue me**_

_**Clear my mind, and set me free**_

_**If it's dark, she still shines**_

_**A masterpiece made by design**_

_**She's come to rescue me**_

_**Stain my mind with make believe**_

_**If it's dark, she still shines**_

_**She's my lady, so divine**_

_Lady so divine - Shinedown_

"This is getting to be more trouble than it's worth." Crowley growled as he flipped a lever and sent electric shocks through a vampire that Samuel had recently caught for him. He heard the groan of pain from the creature but wasn't really paying attention to it. "You have no idea what he's got his hands on now."

"No. He's been away all week with Alta. They've been hunting nonstop for weeks." Sam had told Samuel he was hunting with Alta and he'd told Alta he was hunting with Samuel.

"Wrong. He's been hunting… alone.

Samuel's shoulders slumped and he let out a heavy sigh. He couldn't hide his disappointment. Sam just _would not_ trust him. He was a master manipulator and he done it again.

"He's bagged a prize and I need it. Honestly he's fantastic. He can catch just about anything. The problem seems to be that _you _can't keep him under your wing so I can have the creatures he catches." Crowley flipped the switch on the vamp again just to hear it moan. "He bagged a witch."

"A witch… you want a witch?" Samuel was surprised. Crowley hadn't been interested in witches so far. They were basically human not really creatures. "Why?"

"Because… never mind. Just get her for me." Crowley glowered at Samuel. "And hurry before he kills her. I need her alive."

Samuel left Crowley's torture chambers and headed for his van. He flipped open his phone and dialed Sam's number. "This is Sam. Leave a message." Sam wasn't answering. _Great! Now I got to hunt him down! More trouble than he's worth. Damn if Crowley doesn't have that right! _

xxx

Alta left GreyStone wondering what would come of her meeting with Dean. It didn't go quite the way she imagined. He was sharp, too sharp. He suspected she was more than some random woman who became friends with Lisa at the Spa. Even though that's precisely what happened. She could understand why he wouldn't consider it a coincidence. Most hunters, including her didn't believe in coincidence. Maybe he was right. Maybe they were all being played. But who… and why?

Alta picked up her cell phone. No messages. She wasn't surprised. Sam rarely called and when he did he was directly to the point, no chit chat. Sam didn't _do_ chit chat. She hit the speed dial for him. It rang until it flipped into voicemail. "This is Sam. Leave a message." She closed the phone and wondered what he and Samuel had been hunting this week. Well, she would find out soon enough. She pushed a CD into the player and pushed down on the accelerator. Time to eat some miles and _Allman Brothers_ provided just the music for it.

xxx

"Dean, she wasn't there to stalk me, in fact I'm the one who approached her." Lisa couldn't see it. She didn't have the hunter's instincts. She was naive. Dean knew she would be easy to manipulate.

"You think she's a monster? Like a witch?" Ben's face lit up with excitement. "That's way cool!"

"Ben!" Both Lisa and Dean responded in unison.

"What?" Ben threw up his hands. "It _is_ cool! A real monster. Are you gonna gank her?"

"Ben, she's my friend!" Lisa's voice was shrill. She was becoming increasingly agitated with the turn of this conversation.

"But she might be a witch. She might have cast a spell on you." Ben was getting more animated by the minute.

"I'm not gank anyone, Ben." Dean tried to appear calm but his hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel.

"I could help. You could teach me to hunt."

"Ben! Stop it!" He could tell he'd reached the end of Lisa's patience. Ben slumped down in the back seat and stared out the window sulking.

"Lisa, you know I got this 'Spidey Sense'. And it tells me something's not right with that woman."

"_That woman's_ name is Alta and she was a good friend to me."

"What do you mean? How was she a good friend?" Dean took a deep breath. "Lisa, how much did you tell her about me and Sam?"

xxx

"Tell me, how did you summon Isis?" Sam stood behind Connie... a large silver knife gripped in one hand... arms crossed over his chest. She was still tied to the chair in the middle of the kitchen. Five thick pillar candles were spaced around her with bowls of herbs between each. "What did she want with me? What was she trying to do to me?" He sighed. "Chime in any time." He reached down with the knife and sliced across her arm then sprinkled a mixture of herbs onto the gash. It bubbled over the surface of the wound in a mixture of blood and white goo.

Connie grimaced with the pain. The gash was bad enough but the herbs burned into her and as they entered her blood she became less resistant to the pain and her resolve to protect Isis weakened. "The Grimoire... There was a spell in the Grimoire." Her voice was barely audible.

Sam picked up the ancient book and knelt in front of her. He opened it on her lap and flipped through the pages. He stopped at the spell he thought was most likely. "This one?"

"Yes." She winced. She'd betrayed the goddess. "You can't summon her. She won't come to you." A distorted smile creped across her swollen lips.

"You don't think so?" Sam's face was inches from hers, his breath hot in her ear. "Why is that?"

"She is mother... wife... daughter... sister… She is female. She won't come to you and I won't bring her to you."

When Alta walked into the apartment she saw Sam kneeling before Connie. He had whispered something into her ear and drew back to look her in the face. His eyes were dark and narrow. His face was hard and pitiless evil seemed to radiate from him. He was frightening in a way she had never seen him. The woman before him had obviously been tortured. Tied to a chair, her head hung down on her chest. Her face was bruised, her lips and eyes swollen. There was a row of perfectly parallel gashes down each arm. Blood ran down both arms as well as from her lips and nose. Alta saw the strange smile on the woman's face but couldn't hear the words she said to Sam. She saw his reaction to what she said. What appeared on his lips was not a smile but a growl that made him look like something they should be hunting.

"Sam?"

"Alta." He turned to face her.

She swallowed hard and took a step back. She wanted to turn and run but she squared off to face him. "What's going on here? Is this why we risk everything to capture creatures alive, so you and Samuel can torture them? Why?"

"What? No… I didn't… " Sam was stumbling trying to compose himself. What was he going to say to her that she would believe? He went with the truth. But not quite all of it. "Alta she's a witch. She tried to cast a spell on me! She almost killed me."

"Then you gank her but you don't torture her."

Connie's eyes fixed Alta's. She was weak from pain and apparently from the amount on her clothes and the floor around her, from blood loss as well. Alta was no wimp. She was a hunter and she'd seen her fair share of blood, suffering and death. Even torture… She'd witnessed it. She'd been tortured. The last time she'd been tortured Sam had killed the demon who tortured her. But she'd never witnessed a Campbell torturing like this. Samuel and Sam had brought a whole new level to the life. And she liked it less and less.

"Sam, you've got to know this is wrong." Alta swallowed hard still staring at Connie. Her wretched gaze shifted from Alta to Sam. In that moment her face changed from weak and pitiful to grinning and hate filled. Alta thought she understood it. But inside Connie felt the warm glow of the goddess as she began to surge through her veins strengthening her. Alta noticed the change. She saw the wounds on her arms begin to heal and the bruises and swelling on her face began to fade as her smile became crueler. Sam stood transfixed, held in her gaze, his hand reached for her.

When Connie turned her eyes to him, Sam saw the deep dark pools and knew that Isis was back. She held him but refused to open to him as she had done before. He saw her and reached out to her but he couldn't touch her.

"You can't have me and you'll not hurt this one anymore. She is my child." The glowing goddess stood before him. "You can't have what I will not give." She reached for him determined to take back the piece of her that he still held inside.

That tiny spark glowed bright as she reached for it. Sam felt the warmth and remembered the brief moment he'd felt the emotions of a soul. It woke a hunger in him that he would not be able to slake. "Take me." He told her he wanted to be part of her. "Don't leave me empty again."

She reached into him. He felt her delving deep inside him just at the point of plucking the spark from its lonely place in his empty center.

Alta watched as Connie healed before her eyes… witnessed her gaining strength enough to break the bonds that had held her for hours… saw her reaching for Sam… her hand penetrating his abdomen reaching inside him and she knew it would kill him. She saw that he didn't resist, even leaned into it wanting her to take him. Alta's reaction was swift and instinctive. She drew her gun and fired one shot to the head, one shot to the heart and one shot to the gut. Not sure if the silver bullets would kill, Alta quickly ran to Sam's cache and found his machete. Few things could survive beheading and Alta was quick to put Connie and the creature inside her to the test. She used both hands to make sure her strike was swift and strong.

Sam heard the gun shots and saw the pain and anger on the glowing face of the goddess. "No… " He screamed to her and reached to grab her hand and hold her to him but he was not fast enough and white hot pain shot through him as her hand was ripped away. He collapsed to the floor and once again Sam watched as Isis turned and flew away from him.

xxx

Lisa liked to think Dean had retired from hunting and she was right in that he hadn't been on a hunt since the 'apocalypse' but she had learned to put up with salt lines around all the windows and doors and devil's traps drawn at each door. They did compromise in that the traps were drawn on the floors and covered with rugs and not on the ceiling where they would be visible to friends and family. Not that Dean had any family but Lisa had a sister she was close to and liked for her to visit.

Dean had become positively OCD about securing the house and he walked the perimeter each night checking the salt, devil's traps and locks before going to bed. He kept holy water in each room, his side arm under his bed and his knife under his pillow. Lisa had learned to deal with all this. But when she stood at the door and watched Dean quickly turn off the computer she knew he was hiding something and that something was a case.

"Are you hunting my new friend?"

"No… yes… I'm just making sure. Lisa, I've got to be careful. I've got to follow up on my hunches." He sighed and walked over to her. Taking her hands in his, he gazed into her eyes willing her to understand. "I _have_ to do this. If something happens to you or Ben on my watch… I couldn't take it."

"Ok." She nodded.

"I hope I'm wrong, I do!" He kissed her on the cheek. "You go on to bed. I've got to check the windows and I'll be up."

He watched her as she turned and headed up the stairs. Dean heard a sound he hadn't heard in months. But he knew immediately it was the rush of angel's wings. He turned to see Castiel slump to the floor. One hand was buried inside the familiar trench coat clutching his gut and the other breaking his fall. A trail of blood dripped from his mouth to the floor. He looked at it stunned. The pain and injuries he was suffering from Sam's soul were becoming increasingly intense. He wasn't sure how much more he would be able to bear. He would recover this latest assault but each time it was worse and he became weaker. It was time. He would have to intervene or die.

"Cas!" Dean rushed to his side and helped his friend to the sofa. "What's happening?"

"Give me a moment." Castiel's eyes began to glaze over and he passed out.

"That's it!" Dean growled out. "I thought this might be a case. Now I know it is!"

"What?" Lisa's voice came from the foot of the stairs.

Dean looked at her clueless as to what to tell her. She was not going to like it but he was going with the truth. "Lisa, this is Castiel."

"Castiel? The Angel?"

"Yea."

"What's wrong with him? Dean, what's going on?"

"I don't know yet but I've got to figure it out."

"You think Alta's involved in this?"

"Yea… maybe… I think. Lisa, I don't know but it too much of a coincidence to let it go."

Lisa's gaze fixed on Castiel. "He looks bad, Dean really bad. Is he dying?" Her voice had become shrill and he knew she was near panic.

"No. The only thing that can kill an Angel is an Angel's blade… I think."

"That's not the only thing." Castiel's eyes fluttered open and he struggled to focus as he pulled himself to sitting. "The blade would be quicker and less painful than this. I suppose that would make it preferable." Dean grabbed Castiel's shoulders helping him to stay upright.

"Oh, God!" Lisa gasped. "Can I get you some water?"

"Alcohol would be better. Do you have a bottle?" Castiel looked at Dean.

"There's a bottle of JB Black in the cabinet. Get it."

Lisa when to the kitchen in search of the bourbon. She brought back the bottle and a glass. Castiel waved off the glass and turned the bottle up taking several large gulps.

"He's an Angel. It takes a lot…" Dean gave a sheepish grin at Lisa's look of disbelief. "Lisa, I'm sorry…"

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't know talking to Alta would lead to all this."

"It's not her." Castiel interjected right before a loud burp. He was beginning to regain his strength. "It's your brother."

"Sam?" Dean and Lisa said in unison.

Lisa's heart sank. Dean was getting better. He was finally having more good days than bad… finally living a life without Sam… Now this! "No… no… Don't do this." She begged Castiel. "Don't open old wounds."

"Wait, Lisa." Dean pleaded with her to understand. "Let's just hear what Cas has to say." He turned to Castiel. "What about Sam?"

_**TBC**_

_**I'm trying to get the 'love birds' back together, but it might be awhile... We have to wait and see how Sam takes it when he finds out that Alta killed his only contact to the goddess...**_

_**Thanks for all the Comments, R&R, story alerts and fav's. Glad to know you are enjoying the story. I love to hear what you think.**_


	16. Chapter 15

Family secrets chapter 15

_You know I don't own Supernatural or the Supernatural characters. Only Alta is mine. I don't profit from my writing other than the fact that I enjoy it._

_**Hope, a new beginning**_

_**Time, time to start living**_

_**Just like just before we died**_

_**There's no going back to the place we started from**_

_**Hurt, falling through fingers**_

_**Trust, trust in the feeling**_

_**There's something left inside**_

_**There's no going back to the place we started from**_

_**All secrets known**_

_**Calm, old wounds are healing**_

_**Strong, truth is worth saving**_

_**I want to feel alive**_

_**There's no going back to the place we started from**_

_**All secrets known**_

_All secrets known – Alice in Chains_

"Sam." Alta knelt beside Sam's body quickly assessing him for injuries. There were none. She didn't expect any. She checked for a pulse. It was strong and regular. _Good. _"Sam." She ran her hand across his face… brushed his hair from his eyes. "God, Sam you make it so hard!"

His eyes opened and he gazed at her. His face was blank. No emotion. No feelings. "It is hard. It's always been hard…" He didn't bother to look around. He kept his eyes focused on her. "Is she dead? Did you kill her?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "I needed her alive."

"She was killing you." Alta held his face in her hands. "I couldn't stand and watch you die. I had to stop her."

"I needed to go with her."

"You're going to have to explain that one to me."

"She had something I need. _Something_… I don't know what, but I saw it… no I _felt_ it. Something I'm missing." He rose up and surveyed the room. "It wasn't the witch. She was a vessel."

"A vessel? For what?"

"A goddess… Isis." Sam stared absently at Connie's body. "She cast a spell on me because she wanted something from me. She reached inside me but I didn't have it… what she wanted."

Alta embraced him, her arms around his waist, and her head against his chest. "Don't, Sam…" She was trembling. She didn't know where this was going but she was sure she wouldn't like it. "She cast a spell on you. You can't trust anything that happens when you're under a spell."

"No! I felt it. It was real. What I saw in her…" Deep inside Sam the spark she left, the tiny piece of a soul glowed but it was anything but warm. It made the emptiness in him obvious because that tiny spark had one emotion and it was longing. His eyes fell on the Grimoire, tossed aside. "I can get her back."

Alta reached up to take Sam's face in her hands and look hard into his eyes. "She's dead."

"No, the witch is dead. The goddess isn't. I know how to get her back." He broke away from her and picked up the Grimoire frantically flipping through the pages. "There's a spell to call her."

"What? Sam, she almost killed you. You can't call her back."

"No._ I_ can't. She won't come to a man. She will only come to a woman. You can do this for me. You can call her." Sam held the Grimoire opened in front of her. "Alta you can help me. _Please."_

"No! I'm not a witch. I don't do spells."

He lowered the Grimoire, holding it loosely in one hand as he held her gaze. His face began to turn hard, his eyes dark. _I will get you to do this. I have too._

xxx

"Your brother's alive." Castiel watched Dean and Lisa as they each dealt with the information.

"How? Cas, did you bring him back?" Dean seemed hopeful. Lisa was trembling, terrified.

"No, I don't have that kind of power. No one does."

"What do you mean? Somebody had to."

"Whoever brought him back didn't have the power to complete the job. Only part of him is here. Part of him remains with Lucifer and Michael."

"Ok, Cas. Stop with the riddles. Help me understand this. What part is missing?"

"His soul remains in Hell."

Dean stared at Castiel in disbelief. "His soul? And you didn't tell me this until now? Why, Cas?"

"I couldn't."

"I'm not even going there… yet. Just get me to Sam! Now!"

Castiel lifted his hand and placed two fingers on Dean's forehead.

Suddenly Lisa found herself alone in the room staring at the place where Dean had been just a second ago. _He's gone. Just like that. Not even a glance back._ Tears flowed from her eyes and she wondered when she would see him again… and what she would tell Ben.

xxx

"Sam!" Dean's face split into a grin at the sight of his brother. He held out his arms for a brotherly embrace.

"Dean?" Sam saw his brother's smile and knew he should feel the same joy that he saw on Dean's face. He held out his arms in imitation of Dean and returned the smile.

Dean pulled his brother into a tight hug. Tears were on the verge of spilling from his eyes. Sam could sense the mix of strong emotions coming from his brother. Love, relief, joy… but he couldn't feel the same. Instead he felt the longing in his emptiness. He looked at Castiel questions in his eyes.

Alta saw the lack of feeling in Sam. His eyes were empty. No emotion for this brother who loved him. She'd never noticed before but it was so obvious now. What she saw was the pain of longing but she didn't recognize it. What was it? The thing he said he needed… he didn't have?

"God, it's good to see you!" Dean patted his brothers back, reluctant to end the embrace.

"How did you find me? Cas?" He broke the hug and held Dean's shoulders looking into his eyes.

"Yea. Took his sweet time." Dean glanced at Castiel and his eyes fell on Alta. He immediately became defensive. "You!" Dean moved toward her. "I knew you were no coincidence. What have you done?" He turned to Sam his anger quickly rising to the surface. "Who is she? Is that Ruby? If that's Ruby…." Without waiting for an answer he lunged toward her. "What'd you do to my brother?"

Alta saw it coming and dodged his assault. "I haven't _done _anything to him!"

"Hey, hey, hey…" Sam stepped between them, his hands held up signaling Dean to back off. "She's not Ruby. She's not a demon. We've been hunting together. She lives with me."

"Yea, well… you don't have the best sense when it comes to women."

"She's not the enemy, Dean." Castiel stepped in front of Dean fixing him with his eyes. "We have much to discuss. You should try to keep emotions under control."

"Yea. That's an excellent idea." Everyone turned to see Samuel standing in the doorway surveying the scene.

Dean's eyes went wide as he took a step back. "Samuel?"

"Yea. It's me… your Grandfather." Samuel smiled. Dean's instincts made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. "You can't be…"

"I know it's a lot for you. I'm sorry for the surprise. We're guessing whatever pulled Sam up pulled me down at the same time."

"You don't know what or who?" Dean shrugged and he searched for a place to sit. It was then that he took in the whole scene. He saw the decapitated body, the blood, the carnage left behind from the death of the witch. "What's all this?" He waved his hand across the room indicating the mess. "No. I don't think I can take it right now. Just…"

"This is not of import." Castiel waved his hand and the room was clean. Everyone just looked at him.

"Good talent to have." Alta said. "What the Hell are you?"

"Heaven, actually." Castiel replied. "I'm an Angel."

"Little short for an angel, aren't you?" Samuel glanced at him.

"This is a vessel. My true visage is the size of you Chrysler Building."

"Ok, quit bragging." Dean looked at Sam. "Do you know what's going on here?"

"Yea. Mostly."

"Well you got to explain it to me." Dean glanced around the room. "Sam and I need to talk… just us two… and Cas."

Sam Stepped to stand beside Alta. "Alta needs to hear all this too."

"I'm not sure I want to hear all this." Alta stepped away. She was beginning to think it was time for more than just a week at a spa. "You're hard enough to deal with. I'm not sure I want to deal with two Winchesters."

"I'm sure I need you to hear it all." Sam countered. "You only have to _deal_ with me. And you can't just walk away now. I won't let you and you know it."

"Oh, you watch me."

Sam turned to face her grabbing her shoulders and bending down to be eye to eye with her. The words he spoke were quiet, meant only for her. "I need you to do this with me. I can't make you stay with me, but I need you to stay long enough to figure this out." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Please."

"Alright… of course." She smiled to reassure him. "How could I refuse?"

"So I guess I'm uninvited." Samuel gave Sam a disappointed look. "Sam?"

"Just let us work this out, Samuel." Sam sighed "I'll get back to you."

Samuel turned and headed back to the Compound. He face was drawn with worry. Crowley would not be pleased. The witch was dead. Dean had found Sam. And they had an Angel with them. This just wasn't going well. _Damn!_

The four of them sat in Sam's apartment and began the long conversation to catch each other up with what had been going on.

Dean turned to Alta. "First of all, who are you and what's the deal with you and Lisa?" He was still suspicious and he wanted to evaluate her level of threat to Lisa and Ben first.

"Dean." Sam sighed but voice was calm.

"No, Sam. I got it." Alta turned to face Dean. "I'm a hunter. I've been hunting since I was sixteen. My parents were hunters. I come from a long line of hunters. Alta Campbell."

"Campbell… as in the Campbell family… mom's family?" Dean looked at Sam. "Wouldn't that make us kin? Are you and she…" He waved his hand between the two of them his face that of the disapproving big brother.

"We're distantly related, Dean." Sam reassured Dean but there was none of the eye rolls or heavy sighs Dean would have expected. "Now that's straight." He turned to Alta. "You met Lisa?"

"Yes, I met her at the spa. The spa _you_ picked out for me. I didn't plan it. Believe it or not, it_ was_ pure coincidence."

"You sent her to a spa?"

"Yea, it was her idea. Did you send Lisa to a spa?"

"Yea, it was her idea. Apparently we're both easily manipulated."

"Uh, I don't know about Lisa, but Alta didn't manipulate, she demanded."

"I'm right here! Don't talk about me while I'm right here."

Dean rolled his eyes and gave Sam a look.

"I didn't plan to meet her, but once I did I just decided to find out what I could about Dean and what she knew about you, Sam."

Dean believed her. So he started on Sam. "How long have you been topside?"

"Pretty much the whole time."

Dean's look was incredulous. "The whole time? Why didn't you tell me you were back, Sam?"

"You finally had a life and a family. You had what you've always wanted."

"I wanted my brother back! I went to Ben and Lisa because you asked me to. I was out of my mind with grief. I've been searching everywhere to find a way to get you out."

"You promised not to. You promised to live your 'apple pie' life."

Alta watched the exchange between brothers. As emotional as Dean was, Sam was exactly the opposite. He truly had no idea the effect his death had on his brother. She suddenly realized just how cold Sam was.

"Well it's not as simple as that." Dean turned to Castiel. "Go ahead. Drop your bomb."

Castiel looked at Dean confused. "My bomb? I don't understand. I don't have a bomb."

"Oh, yes you do. Tell Sam and see what happens."

"Sam, I don't know who or what brought you up from Hell. But I do know that whoever it was didn't do it properly."

"Properly?" Sam's leaned into Castiel, his eyes wide and questioning. He sensed he was about to find out the answer he was seeking. "What's wrong with me?"

"You're here, but your soul remains in Hell with Lucifer and Michael in the cage."

Sam swallowed hard. He glanced at Alta. _How would she ever stay with a soulless man? Why would she love a man with no soul? _He stood and walked to the window. Dean and Castiel watched silently as he stared out at the busy street, thinking, putting things together. He turned to Alta again and he could see it on her face. She was thinking… putting it all together too. She would figure out all his lies. She would realize he was not who he pretended to be. She would leave him. Fly away from him just like the goddess had done… the goddess!

"The goddess… that's what she tried to take from me. She wanted my soul. But I didn't have a soul. That's why she left." Sam thought about the bright being he had tried to draw into himself. "I felt it… her soul. I felt…" He was suddenly aware of the three pair of eyes staring at him and he felt naked, exposed. They all know now. He walked to the sofa and sat next to Alta waiting for her to speak.

"if Sam's soul is still in the cage with Lucifer and Michael…" She thought of the horror his soul must be enduring and she couldn't finish her thought. She left the question hanging in mid-thought.

"It's being tortured." Castiel finished the thought. "It's Lucifer's only source of entertainment and Michael's only target for his anger. Sam's soul is being flayed alive."

"Well, well, well. What a touching scene."

Everyone was suddenly drawn back to the window where Sam had just stood.

"Oh, good." Dean's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Finally, a demon in the mix."

"Crowley!" Sam growled out the name. His fingers were twitching. He wished he had Ruby's knife.

"Good to see you, boys." He gave a little self-satisfied smile. "Glad we could all get together like this." He walked toward the group, his hands crammed into the pockets of his black wool overcoat. He glanced at Castiel. "You're looking a little rough around the edges. Feeling a little sickly lately."

Castiel looked at Crowley with contempt.

"You see, you think I didn't do a very good job when I pulled Sam back from the cage. But I did just exactly what I wanted. I not only have a cold hearted hunter working for me but I have leverage so I'll have his brother and his girlfriend working for me. Not to mention an Angel."

"Crowley, you bastard! Speak plain. What do you mean?" Dean growled.

"I brought Sam back and I can bring back his soul." Crowley's smile was hideous.

"You're just a crossroads demon. You're lying. You can't do this." Dean challenged Crowley. Sam could tell he was being truthful. "Used to be a crossroads demon. Now I'm the King of Hell."

"What?" Dean, Alta and Castiel replied in unison. Sam sat silent.

_**TBC**_

_**So this chapter was all dialogue, but I had to tie up loose ends and get everybody together so I could get to the next stage. I **__**promise**__** more action in the next chapters. Yes, just like the show the boys will hunt for Crowley… but not forever…**_

_**Comments, R&R are welcomed. I like to hear what you think. **_

_**Thanks to all who Alert and Favorite my story.**_


	17. Chapter 16

**Family Secrets** chapter 16

_Don't own Supernatural or the Supernatural characters. Don't profit from this story. It's just for fun and self-exploration. _

_**You make it hard to breathe**_

_**It's as if I'm suffocating**_

_**And when you're next to me**_

_**I can feel your heartbeat through my skin**_

_**It makes me sad to think**_

_**This all could be for nothing**_

_**I wish there was a way**_

_**For you to see inside of me**_

_**I've never felt this way**_

_**About anyone or anything**_

_**Tell me**_

_**What do I have to do to make you happy?**_

_**What do I have to do to make you understand?**_

_**What do I have to do to make you want me?**_

_**And, if I can't make you want me**_

_**What do I have to do?**_

_**I know exactly what you're thinking**_

_**But I swear this time I will not let you down**_

_**I'm not as selfish as I used to be**_

_**That was a part of me that never made me proud**_

_**Right now I think I would try anything**_

_**Anything at all to keep you satisfied**_

_**God I hope you see what loving you would do to me**_

_**All I want is one more chance, so tell me...**_

_**What do I have to do to make you love me?**_

_What do I Have to Do – Stabbing Westward_

Dean had appeared out of nowhere.

Alta had dropped her bomb.

Castiel had dropped his bomb.

Crowley had dropped his bomb and left.

Sam's mind was in overdrive trying to process all the things that had been revealed. Alta had become friends with Lisa and had pumped her for information on him and Dean. She didn't plan it. The situation just fell in her lap. It's exactly what he would have done. How could he fault her for that?

Castiel had blown his cover and brought Sam and Dean face to face. Dean would know Sam was different. He might be able to hide it from Alta and the rest of the Campbell's... at least leave them just wondering but Dean would know it without a doubt. Sam had lots of questions and he wasn't the only one. He turned to Castiel. "Cas, did you heal me?"

"Yes."

Alta remembered the scars that magically disappeared from Sam's body. He knew he'd been healed. He had called it a gift. "It was a gift from an Angel?" She was stunned and frightened. _This is some powerful mojo! He has an Angel watching over him? _Suddenly she remembered Sam kissing her eyes and saying that it was not the only gift. "My eyes?"

"Yes."

"You did that? Healed us both? Can't you fix Sam's soul? Can't you get it back?" Alta pleaded with Castiel

"I can't. I don't have that much power."

"But Crowley had enough power to raise Sam. And he says he can get Sam's soul back." Dean's eyes narrowed in thought. He pinched the wrinkles on the bridge of his nose. "How does he have that much power?"

"That's a very good question." Castiel looked pensive. "He shouldn't. No one has that much power."

"So, where is he getting it?" Sam questioned. "Cas, can you…?"

"I'll make inquiries."

"And until we can figure out another way, we hunt for Crowley." Sam dropped his own bomb and it hit the floor with a thud that left everyone silent and staring at him. "What? You heard him. I _have_ to hunt for Crowley or he'll cram me back into the cage with Lucifer." Sam sighed and looked at Dean.

"I can look back on a whole mountain of stupid in my life; but working for Crowley?" Dean shook his head. "Uh-uh. Not happening."

"Dean, I don't see we have much choice."

"Crowley?" Dean cringed. "We should be killing him."

"Well, we get my soul back and then we gank him." Sam watched his brother. "Are you with me, Dean?"

"Yea, I'm with you." Dean rubbed his hand across his forehead.

"The best we can do for now is try to trace down Isis." Sam was not willing to let the goddess go. She had the key to getting souls. He was sure of it.

"Yea, well you work on the goddess hunt. I'm going to stay on the soul train. Cas, you with me?"

"Yes I'm with you. But I have to tell you there may be complications to reuniting Sam with his soul."

"I don't doubt that." Dean waved off any further discussion. "If there are complications we will deal with them."

"Very well." Castiel looked first at Sam, then at Dean. "We should go." His two fingers touched Dean's forehead and they were gone.

They stood facing each other in the aftermath of the emotional storm. Sam wondered what Alta would do now. He couldn't imagine that she would stay with him knowing what she knew... that he didn't have a soul... that he didn't love her... he couldn't love her. He wondered if she realized all the times he lied to her... all the times he faked loving her because he didn't feel it. He wondered if she realized that he would still be faking it because he still couldn't feel it. He waited to see what she would do.

Alta didn't know what to do. She had fallen in love with Sam. She had been in love with him from the start. Soul or no soul she was convinced he had feelings for her. Maybe not love in the traditional way. Maybe without a soul he couldn't love in the traditional way. But he cared about her... didn't he? She stared into his eyes and realized there were no emotions there, no fear, and no worry. Whatever she said or did, he would not feel it... but she did. She was afraid.

Alta was not one to fear easily. She was a hunter. She'd been raised to face her fears and deal squarely with what was in front of her but the happenings of this day went far beyond the norm even for a hunter. Facing a Vamp or a Werewolf was one thing, but an Angel and a Demon and most of all a man without a soul… a man she thought she knew. She'd fallen in love with a soulless man.

"Should I go?"

"You should... but don't."

"Why should I stay?"

"I need you. I've got to hunt now to save my life and I want you to hunt with me. I need your help." It was not even close to what she needed to hear.

"You've got Dean." The fragile house of cards that was their relationship was beginning to crumble.

"I need you both." Sam could see that she needed more from him. "I want you more."

She turned and walked to the window. Staring out onto the rainy street, she sighed. The rain drops slid down the glass. _How cliché!_ _Isn't this just perfect?_ She couldn't look at him... couldn't let him see the tears in her eyes while there were none in his. "If you don't have a soul... are you even... human?" The question was almost impossible to get passed the pain in her chest and the searing heat in her throat.

"I'm still me, Alta. I'm still Sam." He stepped closer. "I'm still the same soulless man you fell in love with. We just didn't know it. I haven't changed." He stepped closer until he was directly behind her. She could feel the heat from his body. The body she longed to feel wrapped around her. The body that had made her feel warm and safe. _How can this be?_ He raised his hand to rest on her shoulder but she slipped around him moving quickly toward the door. "Alta, wait! Please don't leave."

She turned to face him. _I have a soul... I have tears... so what if he sees them._ "I have to leave. I need time to think."

She was gone and Sam found himself alone. He stared at the door wondering what he could do to get her back. He had to hunt for Crowley now and he wanted her help.

Sam stood at the window and watched as she pulled out of the lot and onto the street. He watched until her taillights disappeared into the night. Then he turned to face the empty room. He took the chair from the middle of the room and placed it at the kitchen table. There was no trace of the blood that covered the chair and stained the floor just a few hours ago. Castiel had taken all of it away.

He walked through the room pausing at one of the paintings on the wall. He ran his fingers along the frame and gazed at the dark river and the little boat by the tree. She said the paintings were dark but she liked dark. He didn't know what she meant. He didn't try to figure it out. He turned from the paintings and headed for his cache of weapons. He took a silver knife, sharpened it, placed it in its holder and slipped it on his belt. He cleaned his gun, loaded it with silver bullets and slipped it in the back of his jeans. The trunk of the Charger contained the rest of his arsenal.

xxx

"Dean." Lisa heard when he came into the bedroom. She had spent the hours worrying. Wondering what would happen to the fragile life they had begun to build. Now that Sam was back everything would change. She could feel it.

"Lisa." Dean sat on the edge of the bed. "I… don't know…" Dean sighed. The night had taken a toll on him as well. He had spent the last four months alternately trying to get over losing Sam and trying to find a way to get him back. Now he had him back… but not all of him. No soul… When he finally got his brother back Sam didn't even seem to care. No joy, no love. He was so cold. "He wasn't Sammy, Lisa. Sammy is still in Hell suffering." Dean's eyes filled with tears. "Nothing had changed."

Lisa hated to see Dean like this. His head hanging to his chest, tears flowing, and his heart was breaking. "Something has changed." She knelt on the bed behind him, her arms circling around his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. "You have help. You have an Angel and you have Sam to help you."

"Lisa." Dean held onto her hand. "What did I do to deserve you?"

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. _I'm going to lose you again._ Lisa could feel Dean slipping away back to the only life he had ever known. He would be back with Sam, hunting. It would be soon. She could feel it.

xxx

Alta started heading west. Where would she go? She thought about going back to the compound but it was obvious Samuel was involved with Crowley. Why else would he suddenly start capturing creatures instead of just killing them? It was bad enough what happened with Sam, but Sam didn't know. Samuel did. The Campbell Clan was the only family she knew. The life… hunting was all she knew. But Samuel had taken over the clan and now they hunted for a demon. Alta didn't think she could live with that. It went against everything she knew.

Alta's mind was turning in circles processing all that had happened, weighing out her options. She desperately wanted a safe place. She ended up at Bobby's. She pulled into the drive, stopped in front of the house and sat in the car. Exhausted she sighed, closed her eyes and laid her head back.

xxx

It was a little past six am when Sam arrived at the Campbell Compound. Floodlights pierced the darkness of the grounds as Sam unloaded his capture from the trunk of the Charger and hefted it over one shoulder. Christian was in the main room making coffee when Sam entered.

"Sam! What's up, man?" Christian eyed the creature.

"Samuel in his office?"

"Yea. Let me help you." He headed toward Sam reaching out to help with the load.

"I've got it." He narrowed his eyes at Christian. The message was clear. Christian backed off. Sam went to Samuel's office throwing the door open so that it banged against the wall to announce his arrival. "Give this to Crowley. Tell him it's my first installment." Sam dumped the wounded and trussed up werewolf at Samuel's feet. Then he turned to leave.

"Wait Sam." Samuel called after him. "Wait, son. What's all this about?"

"Really? You want to tell me about Crowley?" Sam turned and faced Samuel. "Crowley bring you up too, like he did me?"

Samuel didn't answer. He wondered just how much Sam knew and he didn't want to give any more information.

"Did you know about my soul?"

"No. What about your soul?"

"Liar." Sam could smell the fear coming off Samuel. "Crowley wants creatures alive or he'll throw me back in Hell. What's he got on you, Samuel?"

Samuel sighed. His lips tightened. "He brought me back to hunt. If I don't, he'll throw me back. It's the same deal."

"Except he left part of me behind."

"Yea. I guess. We were supposed to hunt together. We still can. I wanted Dean hunting with us. It's just that you wanted to leave him be."

"You were working with Crowley and you didn't bother to tell me. You should have been honest with me instead of using me."

"Like you're not a walking billboard for using people." Anger began to replace Samuel's fear. "Where's Alta? You separated her from her family. None of us see her anymore. Why isn't she with you now?" Samuel looked around. "You dump her? Now you got your brother back you don't need her anymore? Is that how it is?" Samuel almost growled with anger. "You hypocrite."

Sam turned intending to leave without answering. Samuel was wrong, but not about everything. Sam had used Alta. And truthfully if he had been in Samuel's place he would have done the same.

"Tell Crowley I'll bring his creatures but he'll need to find someplace else for me to bring them."

xxx

"Alta?" Bobby opened the car door. "Are you alright?" She looked drained. He knew the look. The hunting life was hard enough but the crap the Winchester's got involved with was way beyond anything a human was meant to stand. Bobby knew first hand. He had a front row seat to the heartbreak of being a part of the boy's lives.

"Bobby, I'm sorry. I wasn't sure where to go. I'm not even sure why I'm here."

"Come on; let's get you in the house. I've got some coffee… or some whiskey."

Soon Alta was huddled up on Bobby's sofa, her knees drawn up and a warm blanket wrapped around her. She downed the first whiskey in one gulp and was nursing a second glass. "Hunter's little helper." She gave a joyless smile as she gazed at the amber liquid. "Oh, Bobby. What the Hell?"

"Well Dean called and filled me in on the details." Bobby was sitting at his desk sipping coffee. "Where's Sam? Don't get me wrong. I love both the boys. They're like son's to me but if you decided to haul ass away from Sam, I understand."

"I need some time to think… try to clear my head." She sipped and felt the burn hoping it would numb the ache inside her. "I love Sam. But I'm not sure it the best thing for me. How can he love me if he doesn't have a soul?"

"I'm sure Sam's not the best thing for you or anybody else for that matter. The Winchester's definitely come with a boatload of issues in the best of times. But…" he gave a heavy sigh. "I don't know… I've never seen Sam so wrapped up in a woman like I saw him with you. He never brought any girls home before. And when you got gone, he was desperate to find you. When he brought you back you were in bad shape. He stayed by your bed the whole time you were out. Did everything for you. I offered to spell him so he could sleep but he wouldn't have it." Bobby looked at Alta. He could see she was struggling. "I'm no expert but if it wasn't love coming from Sam it sure fooled me."

Bobby didn't know. He couldn't know. He only knew what he saw and he couldn't see into the void inside of Sam. He couldn't see the emptiness and couldn't imagine the Sam he'd known since he was a boy, not loving and caring. Only Sam could know what he didn't feel. Only Sam and Alta.

He walked over to her. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'm gonna start on some research."

"Yea, there's some reason why Crowley wants creatures alive. Whatever he's doing with them it must be a clue."

"You rest. I'll see what I can suss out."

xxx

Alta had been at Bobby's for nearly a week. She asked him not to tell Sam she was there. He didn't tell Dean when he called and never had a chance to tell Sam as he didn't call. He never called and rarely dropped by.

Bobby enjoyed Alta's company. They had fallen into a routine together. He taught her his phone system, set up aliases for her and sometimes she took calls from local law enforcement checking to see if hunters really were FBI, CIA or Homeland Security. She was good at it and it gave Bobby a break. But most of the time they spent in his library digging in old books trying to suss out the reason Crowley wanted creatures alive.

Alta was acquiring a whole new level of appreciation for research. Bobby's library was extensive as was his knowledge. She had never really done much on the research end of hunting. But she enjoyed working with Bobby. This afternoon he'd laid out some ancient Egyptian texts for her and taken off to the University Library to look up some others.

She had spent most of the afternoon reading and her eyes were red rimmed and burning. She walked out of the library and into the living room. It was late afternoon and the sun was low, putting much of the room in shadow. She didn't notice the eyes that watched her from a dark corner of the room. He had an uncanny talent to become invisible when he didn't want to be seen. It was a skill he'd been perfecting all his life and had practiced on countless stakeouts. But he wasn't here to spy so he moved just enough for her to see him.

"Are you hunting me?"

"It wasn't hard. You didn't cover your tracks very well."

"I didn't know I needed to."

"Maybe you didn't want to." Sam stepped out of the shadows. She could tell he'd been on the road. But she'd been on the road with him many times and never seen him looking as he did now. He was dressed totally in black his long dark hair uncombed and hanging across his face so that she could barely see his eyes. He hadn't shaved in days. She'd never seen him with a thick dark beard covering his face and neck. He had been hunting nonstop since she left his apartment. After he deposited the werewolf at Samuel's feet he'd come back with a rugaru and then a newly turned vampire who left an easy to follow bloody trail through a neighboring town. After leaving the vamp at Samuel's feet Sam decided on his next hunt. It was Alta.

"Have you had enough time to think yet?"

"I'm just having a hard time with all this."

"With all this? Or just with the fact that I don't have a soul? That's the hard part, isn't it?"

"Yes." She wanted to see some reaction in his face.

He sighed. "You think I don't love you. That's what's eating at you isn't it?" He stepped closer. She stepped back. He raised his hands to reassure her. "Alta, I'll be honest if you will."

It took a moment for her to decide. "You don't love me …" her voice trailed down to a whisper. "…like I love you."

"Look, I can't help what I've become. I didn't choose this and I'm sure the man I was when I had a soul… he would know what to say. He could love you." He struggled to find the words. "I need you. I know it's not the same as loving you..."

"No. It's not the same." This wasn't helping.

"It's the best I can do, Alta... and I know it's not enough but… I need you not just to hunt with. I need you with me… like a part of me… the best part of me. Being with you is what makes me human. Alta I gotta have you with me." He moved closer, so close she could feel him willing her to understand his words. He sensed all the feelings swirling around in her. Love, hurt, anger, fear… all of them poured out of her and into him. He could smell the emotions… _feel_ them sinking deep into him until they touched the tiny spark of soul in him. "Sam with a soul couldn't possibly need you more than I do."

"You're right. It's not your fault." She let out a heavy sigh and looked up at him. She reached up and combed her hand through his hair, brushing it out of his eyes and ran her hands down his face and through the thick beard. He gazed into her eyes. She could feel him drinking her in and it scared her how much he needed her. He was burning inside. A feeling he had not felt since he got back from the cage. The spark inside of him glowed white hot as her emotions flowed into him. "God, Alta… I need you." His lips found hers. His kiss was deep and passionate. She knew she was lost.

"I'll help you." She whispered "But if you get your soul back… you won't be the same…"

_**TBC**_

_**Please Comment R&R. I'm grateful for the encouragement. **_

_**Thanks to all who take time to comment and to those who Favorite and Alert my story. **_


	18. Chapter 17

_**Family Secrets**__ chapter 17_

_I don't own Supernatural… don't own the SPN characters. Only Alta is my own character. _

_**All around me I see what weakness has made**_

_**Too much tomorrow I think I'll take all today**_

_**Am I a poison? Am I a thorn in the side?**_

_**Am I a picture perfect subject tonight?**_

_**I don't need nobody**_

_**I don't need the weight of words to find a way**_

_**To crash on through**_

_**I don't need nobody**_

_**I just need to learn the depth**_

_**Or doubt of faith to fall into**_

_**You're all I need**_

_**When the water runs deep**_

_**You're all I need**_

_**Now I cry my soul to sleep**_

_**You're all I need**_

_Needs – Collective Soul_

Deep in the midst of blackness she burned brightly. He had taken a part of her and she felt that tiny spark glowing white hot. _I told you… you can't have what I do not give. _The goddess determined to take back the piece of her that remained in him. She concentrated on the energy of that spark and _the other_; the one for whom it glowed. She began the long process to reach _the other_. In the darkness the goddess' body alternately glowed brightly and dimmed, chanting loudly then softer in rhythm to the heartbeat of _the other_.

xxx

It was early morning, not yet daylight when Alta woke up. She was spooned up against Sam. He held her in his arms with one leg draped over her, her head tucked under his chin. They were exactly as they had been when she fell asleep. Only once before could she remember waking up in his arms.

"You're awake." His voice was soft. He pulled her closer and kissed her neck.

"I slept like a rock!" She smiled at how rested and contented she felt. "I haven't slept that good since I left the spa." She snuggled against him. "It's not like you to sleep this long."

Sam was quiet for a long moment. He had told her he would be honest. "Alta, I don't sleep."

"What?"

"I haven't slept since I got back from the cage."

"What do you do while I sleep? Do I even want to know?" She had often wondered that she'd never seen him sleep.

He laughed. "I'm not a _total_ creep." She rolled over to see his face. "I said I was going to be honest. Don't freak out."

"I'll do my best not to." She was afraid of where this was going.

"I research usually. I hunt. Sometimes I run into something… a creature… just by being out at night."

"Sam, that sounds so lonely."

"Loneliness never occurred to me."

"A perk of being soulless?" She ran her hand across his bearded face. "You seem different."

"I know. I'll shave it off." He knew what she meant. He'd felt it, the tiny spark of a soul that had responded to her last night.

"That's not what I mean." He could see the suspicion in her eyes. He'd promised to be honest but he'd been as honest as he could for one day. He had to end this discussion. He didn't want her to know what he suspected until he'd figured out what it meant.

"Then you like my beard?" She knew she was not going to get anywhere with this when he placed his hands on either side of her face and his lips on hers.

xxx

Lisa stood helplessly watching as Dean packed the Impala. She wanted to scream at him not to do this, not to go on this hunt with Sam. Every nerve in her hummed with fear. This could not possibly end well for her. She didn't think it would end well for Dean either. She feared he was walking into the mouth of Hell. He loved his brother but Sam would be the death of him.

"I'll be back in a week… tops." Dean looked at her. His eyes were sincere. He turned to Ben. "You know the drill, right?"

"Yea. I check the perimeter every morning and every night. Salt lines at the windows and doors and check the devil's traps to make sure they are all still intact." Ben smiled satisfied that he got it all right and that he had a part to play.

"This is serious, Ben. It's not a game." Dean bent down to be face to face with Lisa's son. The boy he'd come to think of as his own. "It's the most important thing you can do to keep you and your mom safe while I'm gone. I'm counting on you." It was the last thing Dean had ever wanted to do… to get Ben and Lisa involved in the life. If he could just clear up this mess with Sam he would retire and never allow Ben to get into this life.

Dean stood and he and Lisa gazed into each other's eyes. He could see how much she hated this. He hated it too. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her.

"Please don't go. Don't do this." She whispered one last time.

He closed his eyes and the silence hung between them. "Lisa, its _Sam_." He opened his eyes. She could see the struggle within him. "He's my brother."

She wanted to scream. _Sam's a grown man… he can take care of his own issues… Ben and I need you now and Sam had you all his life. It's time to let go of him._ But she knew it would be useless. The bond between the brothers was anything but normal. Dean had raised Sam like a son and the life they had struggled through bonded them together in a way no one could understand. If Sam needed Dean, there was nothing that would keep him away.

xxx

Dean arrived at Bobby's that night to find both Sam and Alta waiting for him.

"Dean." Sam smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. His actions were stiff and lacking of the brotherly bond that had been theirs alone for a lifetime. Dean gave a small strained smile in response. Bobby and Alta both noticed the effort it took for Dean but Sam was clueless. "Good you're here. We were just sorting through some clues. We could use your help."

"Ok, then. Right to work." Dean nodded to Bobby and gave Alta a glance and a small nod. He still couldn't make up his mind if he trusted her or not. Most of the women Sam had been involved with turned out to be monsters or demons in disguise. His brother had no luck with women at all.

Bobby produced a couple of beers from the fridge. He handed one to Dean and one to Alta. He bypassed Sam. He and Alta had become accustomed to Sam's refusal of any alcohol. Dean raised his eyebrows questioning Sam. "No beer?"

"No beer. I don't need it. I can't feel it. So why bother?"

"A side effect of being soulless?"

There was a rush of Angel wings and Castiel's voice. "One of many."

"Cas!" Dean stepped quickly to him catching him as he stumbled forward nearly to the floor.

Castiel held himself still, his eyes closed, leaning on Dean's arms and taking in deep breaths. Slowly he straightened himself regaining his strength.

"What's wrong with you, Cas? Celestial jet lag?" Dean gave a weak laugh but concern was evident on his face.

"No." Castiel waved off Deans hands, took in a deep breath and stood tall. "I've never been in a jet."

Dean rolled his eyes glancing at Bobby who returned the gesture. "That's my Angel."

Sam stared at Castiel wondering what could possibly weaken an Angel like that. Whatever it was, it had to be powerful… very powerful.

Castiel tuned his gaze to Sam, watching him intently, his head turned slightly to the side. He stepped close and gazed directly into Sam's eyes. "Something is different. Something has changed." The intensity made Sam take a small, almost imperceptible step back. Alta noticed Sam's reaction. She'd never seen Sam step back from anyone.

Dean and Bobby looked at each other. "Cas are you…" He couldn't think of a better way to put it. "…reading Sam's mind?"

"No. Not exactly. There is a connection between us. It happens when an Angel becomes a guardian."

"Wait. What?" Dean eyes were wide. He looked at Bobby who returned the same amazed expression. "You're Sam's guardian Angel?"

"Yes. Since I sided with you and Sam against Zachariah and Michael."

"So, does that mean that you're Dean's guardian Angel too?" Alta caught the implication that he sided with both brothers, not just Sam.

"Yes." Castiel looked at Dean. "You're not supposed to know. Neither is Sam."

"Well, ok not something I would have guessed." Dean eyed Castiel. "If you're Sam's guardian Angel how could you let this happen to him?"

"I can't change his choices. He chose to sacrifice himself to Lucifer and jump into the cage. I've done what I can to help."

"Well, bang up job." Dean's voice was deep with anger.

"Dean." Sam's voice was calm, flat… emotionless as usual. "Cas, what have you done?"

"I have taken as much of the pain from you as I can but it is intense and I cannot take it all. I cannot stop the damage that is happening to your soul. What I have done has weakened me considerably."

"Well, Thanks for that." Bobby looked from Castile to Dean then Sam. Sam's eyes lowered to the floor. He was piecing these clues together and he didn't like the way this was shaping up. The more he learned about his soul in Hell, the less he wanted it back.

"But you said something has changed. What's changed?" Alta knew he was right. She had felt the change.

"Sam is not completely soulless. Somehow he's obtained a small bit of a soul. I can feel it."

"Where'd he get it from?" Bobby was not at all sure he liked this. "Is it coming from Alta? Can he take her soul?" Bobby had become close to Alta. He felt protective and it was showing.

"It would require very close personal contact."

They all looked at Sam and Alta.

"Why do I suddenly feel like a guilty teen?" Alta looked at Sam who shrugged and raised his eyebrows at her.

"It would require powerful magic as well. And even then he could not take it without her knowledge."

She raised both hands. "No… no… I'm not giving up my soul. Everybody just get your minds out of the gutter."

Sam wanted to end this conversation now. He needed to figure this out before anyone else. He was sure the goddess was the key. He knew that she wanted his soul but he didn't have a soul. And somehow the process had reversed. It was her soul that he felt flowing into the void in him. That had to be why she broke away from him. Because he was taking her soul. If he could make the connection again, he could have a soul... her soul... Sam wouldn't have to take the flayed soul of Sammy back into his body. Lucifer could have it. Better for Cas to deal with the consequences of Sammy's soul in Hell than for Sam to deal with the consequences of Sammy's soul in him.

"Sounds like we need to do more research. Meanwhile, I got to keep Crowley happy or he stuffs me back into the cage, which means I hunt. Who's with me?" Sam particularly didn't want Dean figuring out how to stuff Sammy back in him before he had a chance to find the goddess.

"I'm in." Dean responded quickly. "But I'm not giving up on getting your soul back. I can't leave my brother like this."

"I'll keep looking in the books… see what I can come up with." Bobby shook his head. "This'll take a while."

Sam looked at Alta, his eyes questioning. "I'm in." Alta answered.

Castiel sighed. "I will continue to inquire of my sources…" He glanced heavenward.

"Good." Sam turned to Dean "You take the Impala. Alta and I will follow in the Charger." Dean gave Sam a quizzical look. "More weapons and supplies if we take two cars."

Dean shrugged. "Whatever, man." _Who died and put you in charge?_

Sam took Alta's hand and led her to the Charger with him while Dean headed to the Impala. He began going through the weapons in the trunk, loading essentials into his duffel and in his belt and jacket.

"Alta, I need you to stay here and research for me."

"What? Why?" Her first thought was that now Sam had Dean he didn't think he needed her to hunt.

"Listen, you heard what Castiel said. He said there would be complications to getting my soul back. I can't imagine what the complications would be but I'm sure it's not good. You saw Cas… the shape he was in. If it could weaken an Angel… It would tear me apart!" He finished packing his weapons and closed the trunk then he pulled Alta around to face him, his hands on her upper arms. He fixed her with his eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd given her this look. She gazed into his face once again clean shaven… the face she knew… needing, but not loving and it hurt. She knew whatever he was about to say to her, he would not take no for an answer.

"Cas said I have a little piece of a soul in me. He noticed I'm different. You noticed it too... last night, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"I felt it in me too and I know where it came from."

"Where?"

"The goddess. I felt it when it started to flow into me but she broke it off and apparently a little piece got left behind. I need you to take the Grimoire and find a spell in it to summon the goddess."

"But wouldn't Bobby be better at that and I can hunt..."

"No! I need you to do this and _don't_ tell Bobby. I left the Grimoire in your room. Don't let Bobby see it… not yet. Please Alta; I need you to trust me on this."

"Alright. I'll find your spell."

Sam turned and left Alta at the back of the Charger. He moved quickly to the passenger side of the Impala and slipped in beside Dean. "Change of plans. Alta's staying here. It's just you and me on this one."

"What? You two have a lovers spat?" Dean had watched them through the rear view mirror. There was no evidence of tenderness between them. It appeared to him like an argument and he wondered what exactly the bond between them was. He'd seen his Sammy in love and this didn't look the same.

Sam was thoughtful for a moment. "No. We didn't have a spat. We're good."

Dean raised his eyebrows as he gave Sam a look. "Ok then." He pulled the Impala into gear and headed out onto the road.

Alta went back into the house where Bobby greeted her with a quizzical look. "Alta? What happened?" He saw the turmoil on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… we just decided… I'm gonna stay here and research." She hated lying to Bobby. Somehow her life had narrowed down to a very few people and Bobby was one of them. She used to be part of a large clan. But she had chosen Sam and she realized that she'd lost her family. Even Bobby… he was Sam's family, not hers. If she lost Sam, she would have no one. "I'm going upstairs, I need…"

"S'ok. You go get some rest." Bobby shook his head as he watched her running up the stairs. Obviously she and Sam had a fight. _Sam's an idjit. He should be holding onto her._

Alta ran her hand across the cover of the ancient book. She sat cross-legged on the bed and opened the book on her lap. Research was not her long suit, but she had picked up some appreciation for it working with Bobby this past week. She began to pick through the symbols and Latin words on the first few pages. She didn't dare to say the words aloud. She didn't want Bobby to hear. But reading them in her mind was enough.

The goddess raised her eyes. Her arms rose at her side. She heard the words and they connected her to the heartbeat of the other. They were not the right words… yet. But the right words would come. It was just a matter of time.

xxx

Castiel braced himself for the assault. It was difficult and dangerous. But his strength was perilously low and if he didn't make the trip, he would soon die. If he died Sam's soul would likely not be able to stand against the torture inflicted by Lucifer and Michael and it would be lost to oblivion. He still held hope that a way could be found to save him. So he stood on the edge of the pit and waited.

Soon he heard the rush of Angel's wings. It was Balthazar. "Hello, little brother." Balthazar's voice was deep and comforting. "You look weak. You waited longer this time. You should not let your power wan this low. It could be disastrous."

"I am not too weak yet."

"No, not yet." Balthazar sighed. "Cas… you should just stuff the boy's soul back in and let nature take its course."

"He would not survive."

"You don't know that."

"To survive with that flayed soul in him would be worse."

"Worse for him, but you could be free of this madness." Balthazar could not understand his brother's attachment to the Winchesters. All the Angels thought Castiel was out of his mind to take either of them as guardian much less both of them. "It's rather like being on dialysis for eternity. Over and over you weaken and have to be renewed. It's unnatural." Balthazar tried to reason with his brother. "What will you do if Father decides he doesn't like what you're doing and puts a stop to it?"

"Then both Sam and I will have to face the consequences." Castiel sighed a ragged and painful breath. "We should hurry."

"Of course." Balthazar stood behind Castiel. His wings unfurled; long graceful wings that spanned out behind him twenty feet across. Castiel could hear the rustle of feathers as he flapped once, twice and lifting off the ground. Balthazar grabbed Castiel lifting him into the air as he prepared for the long dive. His brother's body was frail and light and he drew him close as he pulled his wings back, folding them against his body and dived down into the pit.

The angels plummeted together, picking up speed as they fell down, down, down into the bowels of earth. Balthazar's wings unfurled and he flapped furiously to break the fall and hold Castiel suspended above the wandering souls below. Countless souls wandered here crying, moaning and screaming in pain and sorrow. This was a dreadful place and Balthazar braced himself against the onslaught of despair that came up to them in waves. But Castiel opened his hands and breathed deep. Those who looked up and saw the Angels hovering above them reached up to them desperate to be taken. Castiel used the last of his strength to pull as a dozen bright souls streamed up to him flowing into him through his open hands.

Balthazar could feel his brother's body become heavy with renewed strength. He struggled to hold his brother. When he felt his power return he released him and Castiel's wings unfurled, flapping furiously to take flight alongside his brother. Once again Castiel was able to smile at his brother and the two Angels flew together, up from the pit circling and dipping in an aerial dance.

"Thank you, my brother." Castiel stood facing Balthazar in full power once again.

"You tread a dangerous path, Cas." Balthazar gazed at his brother. "There is a way to end this."

"No. I will not doom Sam to a life twisted and broken… closed in on himself forever and unable to escape the torture of his own mind."

"There's another way. It is not assured. It might not work. But it is a chance for Sam and it will end this for you, my brother."

_**TBC**_

_**R&R … Comments are appreciated and so helpful.**_

_**Thanks to those who Alert and Favorite my story. **_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Family Secrets**__ Chapter 18_

_Don't own Supernatural. Don't own the SPN characters. Only Alta is my creation._

_**Take me now baby here as I am. **_

_**Pull me close, try and understand **_

_**Desire is hunger, is the fire I breathe.**_

_**Love is a banquet on which we feed. **_

_**Come on now try and understand **_

_**The way I feel when I'm in your hands. **_

_**Take my hand come undercover **_

_**They can't hurt you now, **_

_**Can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now. **_

_**Because the night belongs to lovers **_

_**Because the night belongs to lust **_

_**Because the night belongs to lovers **_

_**Because the night belongs to us **_

_**Have I doubt when I'm alone **_

_**Love is a ring, the telephone. **_

_**Love is an angel disguised as lust. **_

_**Here in our bed until the morning comes **_

_**Come on now try and understand **_

_**The way I feel under your command. **_

_**Take my hand as the sun descends. **_

_**They can't touch you now, **_

_**Can't touch you now, can't touch you now **_

_**Because the night belongs to lovers... **_

_Because the Night - Patti Smith_

"It looks like a werewolf." Sam held a small flashlight in one hand illuminating the papers he shuffled through with the other. Landscape flew past as they cruised toward a small Middle American town. It was just like countless other towns they had been to in the past. Little towns with big problems. This town had a problem with wild animal attacks. A wild animal that tore out human hearts.

"Lunar cycle's not right." Dean stated the obvious.

"Could be something similar but different. Something that munches on human hearts but doesn't need a full moon."

"Maybe the rules are changing after the apocalypse fiasco." Dean's hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Maybe the werewolf doesn't need a full moon anymore."

"Samuel and I ganked an Arachne a few months ago."

"Arachne… what's that? …like a Spiderman monster?"

"Female, actually. Two thousand years without a sighting and never before outside of Greece..." Sam gave a shrug and one eye brow rose. "Not the first odd thing we've run across lately."

"Huh..." Dean glanced at Sam. He'd missed being in the Impala with his brother. It was the only stable thing in their lives since they were kids. They grew up in the Impala. It was home. "So, silver bullets?"

"Yea, would probably work. But remember, we got to take it alive. Makes things a little harder." Sam watched Dean's reaction in the faint glow of the dashboard lights. Something about the Impala felt comfortable to Sam. He thought through all the Sammy memories in his head. Most of them revolved around the Impala. Traveling… always traveling. A lot of the memories were from the back seat with Dad and Dean in the front. But many of his memories looked just like this. Sitting in the passenger seat and digging through research with Dean at the wheel. But he felt out of place… like he'd stepped into Sammy's past. It felt right and wrong at the same time.

"I hate this. I mean… I never thought I'd be on Crowley's payroll." Dean eyed Sam. "This all good with you? You don't care that we're working for a demon?"

"Of course I care." Sam put on his best earnest Sammy face. "But I don't have a choice."

"Do you even want your soul back?" Dean's frustration was evident in his voice. "You cut off the conversation back at Bobby's pretty quick."

"What about this situation don't you get, Dean?" Sam sighed. "I work for Crowley or he sends me back to Hell and in the cage."

"That's it… work for Crowley?" Dean jerked his head in disgust. "Why does Crowley want these creatures alive anyway? Maybe that's the case we should be working on."

"OK. I'm on board with that. Just, let's get me a soul first."

"_A _soul?" Dean gave Sam a sidelong look, his eyes narrowed. "This is about getting _your_ soul. I want my brother back."

"Dean." Sam sighed. "I _am_ your brother. This is me. I'm still Sam. Same melon… same memories." Sam gestured toward his head. "I still remember all the training, the hunts… Dad. You're still my big brother." _God, I wish he'd shut up and get on board. I need the back up!_ But Sam knew it would be harder to convince Dean than anybody else. Dean knew Sammy inside and out. He knew Sammy better than Sam did.

"Yea, but a big part of you is missing. And I mean seriously missing. We gotta get your soul back, man. You are seriously messed up."

"Dean, trust me I'm alright."

"You're _not_ alright! Nothing about this is alright!"

xxx

In the darkness he shivered not from cold but from the pain stabbing through his body. His lungs burned with the effort it took to suck the thick, hot air down. His arms ached, stretched out from his body; his joints pulled to the point of breaking. He felt the searing heat on his face and smelled his own flesh burning. His feet ached from bearing his weight on broken and disjointed bones… And always, _always_ there was the despair of evil… utter hatred bearing down on him… constantly threatening to crush him. As the whip ripped the seared flesh from his back, the soul of Sam Winchester screamed over the sound of Lucifer's laughing.

Castiel fell to his knees, once again at the edge of the pit waiting for his brother. His eyes rolled heavenward. "Balthazar…"

xxx

Black suits and ties made the Winchesters appear as everyone's idea of an FBI agent, including the local Medical Examiner. He gave the fake badges a cursory glance.

"What brings the FBI in on a wild animal attack, Gentlemen?"

"We sometimes…" Dean started to spin something plausible.

"Are you questioning our jurisdiction or do you really want to play some silly game with me?" Sam's eyes narrowed as he leaned toward the ME. His body language along with his large size was intimidating enough to end any probing.

"No… I, uh… " The ME turned his back to them hurrying to bring the body out for the 'FBI agents' to examine.

Dean looked at Sam, one eye cocked in a question. _What the Hell?_ Sam responded with a sideways look, his eyebrows raised. _What? It worked._

They stepped up to the body and the ME stepped back giving them a wide berth. Sam focused on the body but Dean's eyes followed the ME as he attempted to leave the room, a sheepish smile on his face. "It's a blood sugar problem." He nodded toward Sam. The ME nodded as he backed out of the door.

"Wait!" Sam called after him. "We'll need your assistance. We have questions for you."

The ME swallowed and stepped back into the room.

"I understand you've had four deaths over the last two months attributed to wild animal attacks. What kind of animal do you think it was?" Sam carefully unzipped the body bag and both he and Dean gazed down to see the large gaping hole in the chest.

"I'm going with a wolf."

"You have a lot of Wolves prowling around the docks at night?"

"Well, no…"

Sam and Dean exchanged looks. "The heart was missing?" Dean questioned.

"That's correct."

"On all four victims?"

"Yes."

"You think that's a bit odd?" Sarcasm was evident in Dean's voice.

"We'll need complete copies of the forensics reports for all four victims." Sam eyed the ME, who seemed to hesitate. He sighed impatiently. "Immediately!"

Dean gave a slight smile. He looked at Sam. _Dick!_

Sam returned Dean's look with a slight shrug. _What?_

xxx

Sam was seated at the table of the motel room he shared with Dean. He was intently studying the copies of the forensic and police reports. Dean paced the floor talking with Lisa on the phone.

"Yea, well were just getting started. I can't imagine wrapping this up for a least a couple more days."

"Just be careful. I want you back in one piece. How are you doing with your brother?"

"Good… it's … good." Dean eyed Sam who seemed engrossed in the reports before him. "Sam says Hi."

Sam looked up, smiled and then quickly returned to his research.

"Let me speak to Ben."

Ben's voice was cheerful as if talking to Dean was the highlight of his day. "Hey, Dean."

"Hey, Ben. Are you taking care of things like I told you?"

"Sure, every night and every morning. I check everything. Just like you taught me.

"It's important, Ben. More important than anything else. I'm counting on you to look after your mother."

Sam was intent on his research but he was also listening to Dean's end of the conversation. When Dean finally hung up, Sam noticed that he gazed at the phone. He wondered what Dean was thinking.

"Dean, you're quite the family man. You seem like a natural at it. I think this 'apple pie' stuff kinda fits you after all."

"I guess. Sometimes it feels like Ben's my own… you know, I get a chance to be a good Dad. Not that Dad wasn't a good Dad, but I get a chance to do it different."

"Different how?"

"I don't want to raise him in the life. I want him to have the opportunity to be anything he wants."

"Anything but a hunter?"

"Yea. I can't hunt and have a family too. I'd put them at risk every time I have to leave. I just can't see it working out."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Crowley, for one thing. He could use Lisa and Ben to get at me."

"You have salt lines, devils traps, and hex bags?"

"Yes."

"Well they should be fine. No worries."

"Just like that? No worries? Yea, right." Dean's look was puzzled. This was just not the same brother he knew and loved. Sammy would have known exactly what he was talking about. Sammy would have been more worried about Lisa and Ben than Dean was. "You know…" Dean shook his head. "You are not my brother. You have his giant Sasquatch body," Dean's hand followed the length of Sam from feet to head illustrating his point. "But I don't know, man… You're so…"

"If you say cold…" Sam's forehead wrinkled in the same way Dean remembered. _Damn! He just will not let this go!_ "Dean I know I'm different and I'm trying to get better. I'm trying to fix this."

"Yea, I know Sam." Dean sighed and plopped down on his bed. "So… How about you and Alta? You gonna call her?

"Why? She can take care of herself, Dean. She's a hunter."

"I know, but don't you want to talk to her?"

"About what?"

"About…" Dean struggled to find the right words for what he didn't exactly understand himself. "…missing her?"

"Girly stuff?" Sam looked at his brother, puzzled. Dean's expression clearly showed he didn't like being referred to as doing anything 'girly'.

"No it's… caring stuff."

"Like… 'Chick flick' stuff?"

"Shut up!"

xxx

Alta sat cross legged on the bed, her face lit by the glow of the laptop screen. She followed the lines of the ancient story of creation. The goddess was still deep in the midst of darkness. She slowly opened her dark eyes as she savored the feel of the other's heartbeat… Alta's heartbeat.

Alta had become engrossed in the legend. She felt the dark primal waters swirling and the dawn of time. She felt Isis rising to power. The goddess ran her hand gracefully down the side of her own face and she could feel the face of the other. Alta shivered. Her eyes closed and she drew in a long slow breath. She felt the light touch on the side of her face and she leaned into it savoring the feel of it. Mmmmmm the goddess body hummed and glowed.

xxx

Sam sat cross legged on the bed, his face lit by the glow of the laptop screen. He mapped out the hunting grounds of the werewolf quickly. It was just a matter of plotting the places where the four deaths had happened. The next step was to plan the stakeout. The Winchesters had been doing this kind of hunt for years… all their lives. But the problem was that although they could narrow down the place, they couldn't narrow down the time because the full moon was not a factor and there didn't seem to be any other pattern that Sam could discern. He shut the laptop and stood, placing it into his bag.

"This could go on indefinitely." Dean shook his head. "No pattern at all?"

"They're not on any particular phase of the moon, no particular day, no specific time between attacks… I got nothing." Sam loaded his side arm with silver bullets. "We just have to lay in wait until something happens." He stuffed his pistol in the back of his jeans. Dean put his in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"You taking a rifle?" Dean asked.

"No you take the long shot if we get one. You're the better shot. Just remember we have to wound it… so knee caps not heart." Sam picked up a rope with a silver chain twined in it and a pair of sliver handcuffs. They headed out to the Impala.

xxx

Sam eyed Dean. "You ready, man?"

"Yea, I'm just tired of this. I hate this waiting around every night." They had spent the last three nights on stakeout with no action. Dean was running on very little sleep. And he was out of practice.

"We'll change it up tonight. After three nights the place we've been is saturated with our scent. No werewolf is going anywhere near that spot." Sam's finger ran over the map he had spread out on the trunk of the Impala. "Let's try here." He zeroed in on an alley leading down to the docks. "It's similar to the other places. Leads down to the docks where our werewolf seems to like to play."

"Ok, let's roll."

They walked down the street in step and side by side. It was amazing how easily some things came back to them. Years of training together, years of hunting together and they fell back into the pattern that was ingrained in the brothers from childhood. With eye contact, head nods and hand motions they found their places and set up for the long night of watching and waiting.

No one could do a stakeout like Sam. He was able to remain motionless, silently watching and listening for long periods. He ignored the pain in muscles that came from holding one position for hours. He methodically sifted through the sounds around him, separating out the loons, the lapping water, distant boats and traffic from anything that didn't fit. Focusing his eyes on nothing he noticed the slightest movements around him.

Dean remembered the way Sam became undetectable in the darkness. He'd shown exceptional talent even when he was not much more than a child. All hunters could do this but Dean knew his brother took it to a new level. It was as if he disappeared. He knew Sam had him in his sight and Dean knew instinctively where Sam was. They waited and watched until late into the night.

The waiting in a motionless crouch for hours was difficult but remaining focused in the midst of quiet nothingness was near impossible for Dean. _Damn! Let's get on with this!_ Four straight nights with little sleep was taking its toll on him. He focused on the street, watching for any movement. He felt a tiny bead of sweat roll down his neck. It inched its way down his back. _Man, I wish I could scratch!_

Sam remained motionless. Before he heard or saw anything, he smelled the creature. A carnivore. It smelled of blood and rotten flesh. He watched. He listened. He didn't move, didn't want to alert the creature. No sound yet, no movement. He saw Dean shift. Then he saw it. A movement in the shadow of the dumpster just a few feet from him. Dean sensed it and when he turned he was face to face with the monster. His action was instinctive. He raised his gun to the creature's chest.

"No…" Sam's scream pierced through every instinct Dean had and he lowered his aim and shot the werewolf in the thigh, then followed immediately with a second shot in the knee cap. The creature lunged at Dean, its fangs glistening in the streetlights, its lethal claws reaching for him. Dean raised his gun to the level of the creature's chest again.

Sam had sprung from his perch and covered the distance between them in three strides of his long legs. He had the silver laced rope uncoiled and spread open in his wide arm span. The instant before Dean shot for the chest Sam flung the rope around the creature and pulled it against him, looping the rope around its arms. The werewolf struggled and snarled desperate to get loose… to bite and claw… to save itself.

"Dean, help me!" Sam struggled against the powerful creature. Dean quickly shot into the creatures other kneecap. It slumped forward bringing Sam down on its back still holding tight to the ropes. Dean pulled the silver handcuffs from his belt and cuffed the werewolf.

"This is what hunting has become?" Dean gazed down at the creature struggling against the power of the silver. "Hunting's always been dangerous but having to take creatures alive is a whole new level of crap. I don't like it."

"Nobody likes it." Sam disentangled himself from the creature and stood. "Better gag him and put a hood over his head. When he morphs back human, you're gonna like even less."

xxx

They drove the rest of the night in silence. Dean was trying to reconcile this new way of hunting but not having much success. Sam could feel the conflict in Dean and decided it was best to let him work it out. He'd tried to explain himself enough and it just didn't seem to help. When they reached Bobby's, they transferred the werewolf from the trunk of the Impala to the trunk of Sam's Charger. The plan was for Sam and Alta to take the creature to Samuels and for Dean to go back home. _You need to rest and spend some time with Lisa. _Sam had told him.

As soon as they entered the house, Sam's eyes searched the room.

"Hey, Bobby." Dean clapped his friend on the shoulder.

"Boy's." Bobby clapped a hand on each of them. "Good to see you back."

"Where's Alta, Bobby?" Sam was still searching.

"She left. Said she wanted to go home."

"What? Home where? The Campbell's? Damn, Bobby?" Bobby and Dean both looked at Sam stunned at his outburst. Dean cut his eyes at Bobby, one eyebrow raised. "Watch your tone, boy." Bobby shot back at Sam. "She just said 'home'. So I guess it's whatever she considers home."

"Sorry, Bobby." Sam's emotion disappeared as suddenly as it flared. "I just needed to see her… to talk to her." He took out his phone and dialed. _This is Alta. Leave a message._ "She's not answering."

"And you accused me of being girly about Lisa…" Dean gave a self-satisfied grin. "You seem a little desperate to reach out and touch Alta."

"Yea, sorry." Sam nodded toward Dean. "I'm gonna take the werewolf to Crowley and then I'm gonna find Alta." Sam headed toward the door. "I'll call you."

"Yea, right." Dean and Bobby watched as he close the door behind him.

"Something's definitely not right with him, Bobby. That's not my brother."

"He's been like that by her from the start, Dean. She's the only thing he shows any emotion about at all."

"That's not what I mean, but even that's not right. He didn't give her a second thought the whole week." Dean rolled his eyes. "We got to figure this soul thing out, and fast."

"I've been working on some theories."

"Let's hear them."

Sam spun wheels onto the road headed to Samuels. He needed to get to Alta. He needed to find out what she had done with the Grimoire. He needed to know if she had found the spell to bring the goddess.

xxx

Once again Balthazar carried his brother down into the pit. Once again he struggled against the waves of despair as Castiel absorbed the souls and the power they gave him. And when they returned to the surface Balthazar pleaded again with Castiel to end his suffering. Once again Castiel refused.

Balthazar unfurled his wings. Long and graceful they flapped around him lifting him heavenward. He watched his brother standing on the ground… choosing to remain earthbound as he rose. Balthazar hated seeing his brother suffer and he resolved to end this for Castiel whether he wanted it or not.

xxx

Sam drove through the day finally arriving at the Campbell compound around dusk. He stopped twice during the day to eat and to drug the creature, annoyed at its crying and whining from the trunk.

Sam entered the compound with the creature slung across his shoulder. He greeted Christian friendlier than he had done last time. And he laid the creature at Samuel's feet without any of the hostility he'd shown on his last visit.

"Another creature for Crowley. A werewolf." Sam waited for Samuel's response.

"Sam. Good to see you." Samuel stood behind his desk. "Crowley will be pleased. You've been busy." He waited to see if Sam would be giving any more information. He should have known better. Sam was too tightlipped to give information. Always had been. Why should he be different now?

"Where's Alta, Samuel?"

"You're interested in her now?" Samuel shuffled some papers on his desk.

"Yes. I want to know where she is. Do you know or not?"

"No, I don't know. She came by here three days ago and got some books." Samuel threw down the papers he held and looked squarely at Sam. "She said she was going home. But she'll be back. She's going to hunt with us."

"When?"

"Didn't say. When she's ready I suppose." Samuel sighed. "I want you to hunt with us too, Sam. I'm not the enemy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Crowley. I just…"

"It's ok, Samuel. I would have done the same thing."

Sam left the Compound. He realized he had no idea where Alta lived before she moved in with him. He didn't know where her home was but he was certain he would find her. He decided to go back to his apartment and shower before he started searching.

He stopped and got a sandwich at the Pub before he went upstairs. He hadn't been in his apartment in over a week and Alta hadn't been there in more than two weeks but he noticed her smell right away. He stood just inside the door and took in her scent. Suddenly it struck him. His long legs quickly closed the distance and he flung the sandwich to the table on his way to the bedroom door. He paused before he slowly opened it and saw Alta curled up on the bed where she had fallen asleep, book in hand.

_She told Bobby and Samuel she was going home. This is where she ended up. This is home to her? _He wondered. _How could she possibly feel that way?_ Sam knew he didn't deserve it. But he would take it. Suddenly he felt dirty and road weary. He slipped into the bathroom to shower off the hunt and the road grime.

Sam stood in the shower, his hands against the wall bracing himself, his head bowed letting the hot water run down the back of his neck. He could feel the tension of sore muscles slowly relaxing. He sighed. It seemed that everything had come down at once. He discovered that his soul was still in Hell and that it was damaged beyond belief. Getting it back would destroy him and yet it was destroying Castiel and Dean wanted Sam to take it back even if it destroyed him. He leaned forward until his head was against the tiles between his hands… the hot water still streaming down his back. Dean hated him… thought he was cold… All Dean cared about was Sammy. And he would kill Sam to get Sammy back. Then there was Crowley threatening to throw him back into Hell. He hated Crowley and he hated that Crowley had power over him. He hated working for Crowley. Dean hated working for Crowley and blamed Sam for it. And Alta… He thought he'd lost her… twice... Holding all this together… trying to please Alta and Crowley and Dean… was exhausting.

When he came out of the shower Alta was awake and waiting for him. She rushed to him, embraced him, sliding her arms around his waist and laying her cheek against his chest. "I missed you." She said. "Welcome home."

This really was home to her. He wondered that she would consider his apartment home. He pulled her closer. "Thank you." He ran his hands through her hair bunching it up against his face as he breathed deep and kissed the top of her head. The scent of her filled his nostrils and he raised her face to kiss her lips. "Alta." He spoke her name between kisses. He gazed into her eyes… deep liquid pools of green. Suddenly he was hungry for her. She smiled at him… a knowing smile. He could feel his desire rising. Lust was raging through him. He kissed her again running his tongue into her mouth, tasting her.

The dark eyes of the goddess opened and her body began to glow.

Alta could feel burning desire deep within her. She was breathless with it. Still locked in his deep kiss, she pulled at him, urging him. He responded to her catching her in his arms and carrying her to the bed. He laid her down and pulled off the towel he'd wrapped around his waist. She gazed at his powerful body and reached out to run her hands across his broad chest. She felt the smooth skin and the hard muscles as if she'd never felt them before.

Sam reached his hands under Alta's tee shirt. She sucked in a deep breath as he traced along her skin up from her waist. His hands cupped over her breasts. She felt her nipples harden against his palms. She raised her arms as he pulled the shirt off her tossing it to the floor. He licked and sucked at her breasts desperate to feed the hunger growing in him.

The goddess hummed and glowed and drank in his desire for her.

Alta felt as if her body was on fire. Her breath came in gasps. She was burning to have him inside her. She pulled herself free of the pajama pants. He looked down at her body and pulling her legs apart he eased between her thighs. "Sam, please." She pleaded.

He gazed into her eyes… dark, deep and heavy with desire. "What? Please… what?" His desire burned hot. His erection was painful but he wanted to hear her say it. "What do you want?"

"I want you inside me." Deep inside him the tiny spark of soul burned white hot and it was more than he could stand. He thrust into her. She was warm and moist and he felt her tight around him as he pushed deep into her. Alta felt him moving inside her. Touching, caressing her everywhere, leaving trails of fire across her skin and reaching to quench the burning desire in her. She moved against him meeting his deep thrusts. She heard his groans, heard his breath come deeper as he quickened the rhythm. He could feel her body tremble each time he pushed deeper into her… feel her tighten around him… hear her gasp as she neared orgasm. He kissed the tender skin of her neck and breathed hot in her ear. He gazed into her eyes and he watched her blissful face as she reached her climax. "Yes." He told her. "Yes." She responded. He lost any control he might have had and thrust hard and fast burying himself deep inside her until he couldn't hold back and erupted into her, burning hot. "Yes."

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the earth the ragged voice of Sam Winchester's soul screamed and Lucifer laughed.

_**TBC**_

_**Please R&R. Comments are welcomed.**__** I love to know what you think. **_

_**Thanks for the Comments, Favorites and Alerts. **_


	20. Chapter 20

**Family Secrets** chapter 19

_**If this isn't what you see**_

_**It doesn't make you blind**_

_**If this doesn't make you feel**_

_**It doesn't mean you've died**_

_**Where the river's high**_

_**Where the river's high**_

_**If you don't want to be seen**_

_**You don't have to hide**_

_**If you don't want to believe**_

_**You don't have to try**_

_**To feel alive**_

_**Alive in the Superunknown**_

_**First it steals your mind**_

_**And then it steals your soul**_

_**If this doesn't make you free**_

_**It doesn't mean you're tied**_

_**If this doesn't take you down**_

_**It doesn't mean you're high**_

_**If this doesn't make you smile**_

_**You don't have to cry**_

_**If this isn't making sense**_

_**It doesn't make it lies**_

_**Alive in the Superunknown**_

_**First it steals your mind**_

_**And then it steals your soul**_

_**Get yourself afraid**_

_**Get yourself alone**_

_**Get yourself contained**_

_**Get yourself control**_

_**Alive in the Superunknown**_

_**First it steals your mind**_

_**And then it steals your... soul**_

_Superunknown - Soundgarden -Christopher Cornell; Kim Thayil_

No one in heaven had gone up against Zachariah or Michael when Castiel made his stand and he and the Winchesters derailed the apocalypse, not even Balthazar. Every Angel in Heaven thought Castiel had gone insane. But now that the plans of Heaven had been changed and Team Free Will had shown them another way, Balthazar claimed Castiel as lead Angel, resurrected from the dead, favored by God. And he positioned himself as his second in command. He had allied most of the Angels with Castiel and himself. His plan was to rescue Michael from the cage and free Castiel from the sickness of Sam's soul. If he was successful he would be secure in the highest ranks of heaven.

xxx

Dean crouched in the alley in the shadow of a dumpster. He could see Sam across the way perched in darkness waiting, motionless and focused. Somehow he couldn't remember what they were hunting. "Dean." Sam's voice whispered through his mind. "It's me... I'm still your brother."

Dean could hear the creature down the alley. It shuffled, staggered and groaned. _It's wounded_, Dean thought. He glanced up at Sam's dark eyes, his hard face, lips drawn into a thin line as he glared at the creature struggling into sight. There was no trace in Sam's face of the brother Dean had spent his life with. No trace of the brother he loved. Sam was the kind hearted one. He was the one people trusted. It was Sam that had been Dean's moral compass, reining him back to the right with a look, a sigh or a roll of his hazel eyes.

"Sammy!" His brother's name screamed through his head but he couldn't open his mouth to let it out. Sammy fell to his knees in the alleyway, his hands clutched his chest. He gasped for air. "Dean." Sammy's eyes were glazed in anguish. Dean was frozen. He struggled to speak but he could not force his mouth to open. He struggled to move but his body was paralyzed. _Damn it! Shit, shit, shit! _He could not force his body to move. But he saw Sam move. Sam stepped out of the shadow and moved closer to Sammy. His gaze was evil… full of hatred. Dean felt white hot burning pain in the pit of his belly. Every fiber of his body strained to get to Sammy. _Look out for Sammy!_ His father's voice screamed in his head_. I gotta save Sammy_. His own voice screamed in his head. Sam looked like a giant standing over Sammy. He raised his hand to strike. A blow that was sure to end him. Sammy looked up at him, a weak hand reached up to cover his face, defenseless against the powerful figure bearing down on him. Dean's jaw worked, pulling against his closed mouth until finally his lips ripped apart.

"Noooooo!" Dean screamed. His eyes opened and he looked around the familiar room. Bobby was hunched over a book at his desk. He absently glanced at Dean and then back down at the page he was studying.

"You have a good nap?"

"I wouldn't say that... no, not good at all." Dean's lips trembled. "I could use a drink."

"You know where to find it."

Dean stumbled from the sofa into the kitchen and brought back a bottle of bourbon and a couple of glasses. "Bobby, we got to fix this. We got to get Sam's soul back."

"I'm working on it, Dean. But I'm not finding much I can use." Bobby sighed and scrubbed his hand across his eyes. "We may have to go with plan B."

"Plan B? What's plan B?"

"This may be as good as it gets. We may just have to accept Sam as he is. He's still Sam."

"No... No." Dean turned away from Bobby, gazing into nothingness then he turned back placing both hands on the desk in front of his friend, the man he considered a father and leaned into his face. "That is not my brother! That is not Sam, Bobby... not even close." He stood and paced a few feet away. "I have to get Sammy out!" Dean's voice softened. "Bobby I can _feel _Sammy suffering." Dean gestured with both hands pointing to his heart. "Inside me... I see him... "

"Dean, you're having nightmares."

"No... no... That is _not_ it, Bobby... Please, I _have_ to get Sam out and it doesn't matter what it takes... or what I have to do."

"Ok... ok, son." Bobby's eyes teared as he looked at Dean. "I'm with you."

They both turned at the familiar sound of Angel's wings expecting to see Castiel.

"Oh, great! Just what I need, another Angel." Dean gritted his teeth. The only Angel he'd met, and he'd met plenty, that he didn't consider a 'Dick' was Castiel. "I really don't need this now." He squared off to face the Angel. "What do you want?"

"I want my brothers back, safe and whole."

"Yea? Well, join the club… we have tee shirts."

"Who are your brothers?" Bobby eyed this new Angel.

"All Angels are siblings." He stepped forward. Dean tensed, his mind racing to figure out a way to defend himself against this new threat. "But you know that." The Angel smiled a bittersweet look. "Castiel and Michael are the brothers I'm speaking of."

"Michael is in the cage with Lucifer."

"Yes, along with your brother. It seems we have something in common."

"Well, you're not here to commiserate. What do you want from us?" Bobby looked from the Angel to Dean giving him a little eye roll. Dean returned the look.

"First, I'll tell you what I can do for you." Balthazar smiled raising his hands in a gesture meant to put the men at ease. It would take more than body language for these two seasoned hunters. "I can bring Sam's soul out of the cage. I can put it back in his body."

Dean's eyes narrowed. _Never, never, never_ was anything simple. "And what's the catch? What do you want from me?"

"Castiel is against this. He's tied to Sam's soul and it drains his strength. I watch my brother suffer and I have to…. well, I help him regain his strength. But the consequences for Castiel are grave and the consequences of putting Sam's soul back in his body could be catastrophic. It's a choice and I don't like the choice my brother has made."

"Catastrophic… for Sam? How?" Bobby's throat went dry. He didn't like the way this was going.

"Sam's soul is flayed. It's damaged beyond repair… beyond what the human mind can stand."

"Meaning?"

"Sam would most likely not survive."

"How is this helping?" Dean face was red with anger. "How is this an option? You came here to offer me this?"

"There is a way. I can put up a wall in Sam's mind. A wall to keep the memories of Hell from his consciousness."

Another rush of Angel wings and Dean whirled to face Castiel.

"It is not certain. It has never been done." Castiel eyed his friend. "If the wall doesn't hold… if it crashes… the worst thing for Sam would be if he lives. He would be trapped inside himself… in his mind… suffering and unable to break out."

"And how is this different? He's trapped inside Lucifer's cage, suffering and unable to break out."

"But you have Sam here on earth with you now."

"That's not Sam. That's not my brother." Dean saw hope. And Balthazar smiled. He knew that it was Dean who would convince Castiel to go along with his plan. "I can't rest as long as Sam's soul is in Hell. He needs his soul."

"Sam won't go for it." Bobby didn't like planning this without Sam being part of it.

"I keep telling you… That's not Sam! Sam's in Hell and I got a chance to get him back. I don't care what that… whatever it is in Sam's body thinks!"

xxx

Dozens of candles placed in concentric circles gave the room a soft glow. Alta watched as Sam drew the symbols on the floor. His face softened by the candlelight but still intent on the task at hand. She had mixed feelings about this. Something about summoning a supernatural being, whether it was a goddess or a demon, just went against everything she had been taught… everything she believed as a hunter. She gazed at his face. He glanced at her briefly still intent to finish the drawing. Part of her selfishly wanted him to stay the same. She knew if they were successful, if he gained a soul, he would not be the same. Maybe he would not need her anymore. He might not care about her. But part of her knew that he wanted this. He wanted a soul and he was desperate to fill the void within him but not with the flayed soul of Sammy. Part of her just wanted to know when life became so complicated and wanted to go back to simple.

Sam carefully drew the symbols from the Grimoire on the floor. He was careful to copy every detail exactly, place every candle in the exact spot. He didn't want anything to keep them from summoning the goddess. He was convinced she could capture souls. If he could make contact with her she would be sucked into the void in him. He knew it. He had felt it. With the goddess trapped in him he could make her give him a soul. He glanced at Alta. She loved him. That was why he knew she would help him. And he thought if he had a soul he would be able to love her.

"Finished." He surveyed the drawings and then looked at Alta. "Are you ready?"

"I am." She began to arrange bowls of herbs at specific places on the symbols Sam had drawn. He stood outside the circles of candles and watched as she placed each bowl. She kneeled and picked up the opened book.

Alta began chanting the words and the dark eyes of the goddess opened. She smiled recognizing the words. The summoning. And she felt the heartbeat of the other. Alta's heartbeat. She ran a graceful hand down her face and Alta felt her touch and shivered. She felt the goddess moving around her, swirling in deep dark waters, she felt weightless. The goddess whispered of life and love and passion and she smoothed her hands across Alta's face and down her body, caressing her and encouraging her.

Sam watched as Alta began to chant at first stumbling on the unfamiliar words. He knew she had made contact with the goddess when her chants came with ease as if she had spoken the ancient Egyptian words all her life. She was raised to her feet. She bowed her head and lifted her hands. Her hips began to circle slowly and she turned round and round. Her eyes closed. The goddess swirled around her a bright light engulfing her. Alta gasped and he knew the goddess had entered her. Sam smiled, his eyes bright with anticipation. His plan was going to work. He reached for her… he was going to trap the goddess.

Alta was cradled in the arms of the goddess as she looked at Sam. She saw him reach for her and she reached for him. She saw the horror on his face for only an instant before he was gone in a rush of Angel's wings. "Castiel!" She screamed. "No!"

It took Alta a few moments to recover from the ritual. But she knew where to go. She knew she had to get to Sam. She prayed she could make it in time. Alta grabbed her jacket and the keys to Sam's Charger. _We'll see just how fast this muscle car can get to Bobby's._

xxx

Balthazar gathered troops for the battle ahead, a foray into Hell. The angels were excited. Most had been involved in the mission to raise Dean Winchester from the grip of the demon Alistair. Now they were going even deeper into the very heart of Hell to free the Arch Angel Michael and recapture Sam Winchester's soul from Lucifer himself.

They stood at the edge of the pit. A company of Heaven's fiercest warriors, one hundred strong circled around Balthazar. As he finished the briefing they prayed together building strength. They began to glow brightly. Each Angel stepped away from the huddle spreading its wings flapping slowly and lifting into the air. One by one the Angels moved into formation waiting for Balthazar. He was the last to rise; his wings unfolding and spreading out, flapping slowly and gracefully to raise him to the point position.

Balthazar folded his wings against his body and dived. The entire company followed him in formation, diving into the pit, picking up speed in the free fall. The brightly glowing Angels lit up the darkness with a blinding light as they descended. Along the way there were ancient demons clinging to the walls; demons that had been clawing their way to the surface for centuries desperate to escape Hell. They covered their eyes at the brightness of the Heavenly beings. They cursed and grabbed and begged to be saved. But the Angels remained focused on the goal.

At the base of the pit, Hell spread out before them. Balthazar pulled up flapping hard to stop his free fall and move along the vast expanse. Waves of hatred and despair assaulted the Angels like a burning fire. Each one pumped up the grace within them causing them to burn even brighter and the demons below screamed and cursed throwing spears and stones. The souls below them reached toward the Angels, crying and begging to be saved. And still the Angels remained focused on the goal.

At last Balthazar saw the cage. It loomed large in the midst of scalding fire and choking smoke. He saw Lucifer, alert and waiting for the assault. His dark visage radiated malevolence. His wings, scorched and black from his own evil were unfurled and each beat of the forty foot span sent out his malevolence from the cage in waves. Every demon and soul in the wake screamed in pain and fell as it pulsed through them.

Balthazar saw Michael rise from the floor of the cage, spurred on by the impending assault. He knew this was his chance to be free. Michael unfurled his wings and flapped to gain height. His wingspan was equal to Lucifer's and the cage was filled with a flurry of wings black and white, beating against each other as the two Arch Angels traded blows. And Balthazar spied a faint glow near the bottom of the cage. Pinned against the wall of the cage, hanging from outstretched arms, bloodied and screaming in pain was the soul of Sam Winchester. Each blow the Arch Angels dealt to each other sent out a wave of anger and hatred. The light of Sam's soul lessened with each blow.

The demons closest to Lucifer's cage were the strongest and the assault on the company of Angels increased and became more effective. A third of the company hovered around the cage as Balthazar took Rachael, Nuriel, and Samael with him breaking into the cage. The rest of the company battled against the demons in the pit of Hell.

Rachael and Samael moved beside Balthazar to flank Michael and mount an assault against Lucifer. But Lucifer was in his home territory and he had the power of countless souls sucked into his veins. His eyes glowed red with anger and power. He raised high above them and rained down a shower of lightning bolts. They returned fire but Lucifer's power deflected each bolt. He laughed. "I kept you alive for amusement. Now I'm done with you!" He aimed at Michael and shot directly at the heart. As he shot Rachael dived between them and took the bolt while Samael dived toward Lucifer, his powerful arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him to the floor of the cage. "Fly!" Samael screamed to Balthazar. "Take Michael and fly!"

When they entered the cage, Nuriel had gone to Sam's soul and released it from the bars of the cage. He pulled Sam into his arms and he felt him near death; his soul near oblivion. His hand slowly drifted across Sam's closed eyes bestowing a small bit of his grace into Sam's soul and it began to glow brighter. Sam looked up into Nuriel's face and felt hope for the first time in sixty years of torture. Then Sam motioned to a small dark shape at his feet. "Adam." Nuriel looked at the dried, dead heap that had been at the feet of Sam's soul. And Nuriel tears fell on Sam's face as he realized that he had tried to shield his brother from the wrath of Lucifer. He had tried. Nuriel shook his head and Sam closed his eyes.

Michael gathered Rachael in his arms holding her to him as he headed toward the cage door and escape. Balthazar flew to Nuriel and Sam. "Hurry." He urged Nuriel toward the door and followed behind them. He called back to Samael. "Now! Hurry!" Samael wrestled with Lucifer on the floor of the cage. "Go, now!" He screamed. Balthazar was the last to leave the cage and he locked the door with one last look toward his brother; the one who would stay behind.

Balthazar quickly surveyed the carnage. Several of the company had fallen and demons had surrounded the bodies of the fallen Angels devouring them and squealing with delight. "Fly!" He screamed to the company. And the Heavenly host made its assent to the surface with its prizes. There would be time for mourning when they reached Heaven.

xxx

"Don't do this. No... Don't... Don't." She heard him begging as she ran into Bobby's house. She'd never heard Sam sound like that. She'd never heard him beg. His deep voice was ragged as he pleaded with his brother, desperate to make him stop. "Don't... don't ... please." She heard the anger and desperation in his voice as she ran down the stairs toward his voice.

Alta came up behind Dean and Bobby standing at the door to the panic room. "Sam!" She screamed his name as she peered between them into the panic room. Sam's eyes were dark and narrowed... focused on Dean. He lay stretched out on a cot, leather cuffs held his arms and legs. When he heard her voice, he turned his eyes to her.

"Alta!" He struggled against the restraints. She tried to go to him... tried to get between Bobby and Dean but Dean held her; his hands clamped on her arms and he pulled her tight to him.

"Sam." She whispered his name and struggled against Dean's grip. Sam turned to see Balthazar standing over him.

"Get away from me. " Sam struggled against the restraints. "Don't… don't!"

Balthazar looked down at Sam and reaching into his coat, he pulled out a small glowing orb, its light radiating through his fingers. "Now, Sam I'm going to put up a barrier in your mind."

"No… "Alta whispered and pulled against Dean. "Bobby?" She pleaded for help from the man she had considered a friend. Bobby looked at her, his eyes filled with sympathy for her and for Sam. But she couldn't see it. All she could see was his refusal to help her or Sam.

"Don't touch me!" Sam glared at the Angel. Sam's anger made no impression on Balthazar.

"You might feel a little itchy. Do me a favor. Don't scratch the wall because trust me, you're not going to like what happens." Balthazar looked away from Sam and gazed at the soul he held in his hands.

"Please don't do this." Alta whispered.

"Please don't … don't." Sam pleaded. He turned his gaze to Dean, desperate to make his brother understand. "No… no you don't know." Sam shook his head. "You don't know what'll happen to me, Dean, please … no!"

Balthazar slowly moved Sam's soul toward Sam and looked again into his eyes. "Remember, don't scratch. You can never recall the memories from Hell. Don't try. None of the memories from the time you fell into the cage until now." He turned to Dean. "None of them." His eyes fell on Alta. "None of the memories of you or it will kill him."

Alta watched as Balthazar pushed Sam's soul into his chest. Sam's head flew back and his body convulsed in pain against the restraints. She thought he looked as if he were being sacrificed. "Sam." she whispered.

"No... Nooooo... aaaahhhhhhggggg!" Sam's voice rang out and lingered in the air until it faded into a hoarse whisper and his breath failed.

Sam was unconscious and Alta pushed Dean's hands away as he released his grip on her. She turned to face him. He saw the pain in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Alta." Dean's eyes held nothing but sympathy for her. "There was no other way. I _had_ to do this for my brother."

She couldn't see any of the sympathy in his eyes. "I've never _hated_ anyone before, Dean. But… " She turned to Bobby.

"Alta… " Words failed Bobby.

It was pointless. What's done is done. The Sam she knew had been sacrificed. The Sam she loved was dead. She knew that the knot in her throat wouldn't hold back the tears long and the last thing she wanted was to cry, to show weakness in front of these two men she now hated. Alta looked back one last time at Sam as he lay motionless, tied to the cot. She ran up the stairs. The tires of the Charger squealed and left black rubber on the asphalt thirty feet as she pulled onto the road.

_**TBC… or not? **_

_**Comments are welcomed. I love to know what you think. **_

_**My goal was to write a story of Soulless Sam and what might have been during his time of soullessness. Now his soul is back. And I just couldn't bring myself to kill Alta off, though that was an option. So, should I continue with Alta's story and Sam with a soul? **_

_**Thank you so much for all the comments, encouragement, alerts and favorites. **_


	21. Chapter 21

_**Family Secrets**__: Part two__–__**Clean Up Your Mess**__ - chapter 1_

_**Sam's soul is back and he's trying to build his new life. Where does he fit in now that Dean has a family? Alta is trying to build her new life without Sam. Memories haunt them both but Sam's memories could be fatal. I hope you enjoy.**_

_**I'm no kid in a kid's game**_

_**I did what I did; I've got no one to blame**_

_**But I don't give up, no, I don't ever give up**_

_**It's all I've got; it's my claim to fame**_

_**I'm no fighter but I'm fighting**_

_**This whole world seems uninviting**_

_**But I don't give up, no, I don't ever give up**_

_**I fall down sometimes; sometimes I come back flying**_

_**Liars are lying; airplanes are flying**_

_**Love isn't here.**_

_**Love isn't here but it's somewhere**_

_**Time to forget me, but something won't let me**_

_**Love isn't here.**_

_**Love isn't here but it's somewhere**_

_**And I cleaned and I washed up this dream I don't ever give up**_

_**I don't ever give up; I don't ever give up**_

_**No, I don't ever give up**_

_I Don't Ever Give Up – Patti Griffin_

Alta left Bobby's uncertain where she would go but she headed east and went to the place she considered home. The place she considered safe, where she could regroup and figure out what she would do now. Now that she didn't have family... didn't have the clan... didn't have Sam or Bobby. She didn't have anyone. She was alone. She went to the apartment... The place she had shared with Sam. She made it up the stairs. She made it into the apartment and let the door close behind her. She felt numb.

There are some memories that replay over and over in your mind. Some memories you never forget. Memories that hold you captive in a prison of regret… and sorrow. She knew the sight of Sam strapped to that cot in Bobby's panic room, pleading for help, pleading for mercy, crying out in pain, sacrificed… the moment she lost him… it would never leave her.

She felt the knot in her throat grow harder. She struggled to hold back the tears until it was useless and she sank to the floor. Somewhere deep inside her there was a small sound. A whimper… soft and childlike, slowly turning into a whine as it ripped up from the depths of her soul. Louder and harder the sound tore out of her, changing from pain and anguish to anger and finally rage.

... … …

Dean set by the cot in Bobby's panic room. He stared down at his brother lying motionless, his face turned toward Dean, one arm across his chest and the other at his side. Sam's chest rose and fell rhythmically. His face was peaceful and Dean hoped that his mind was just as peaceful.

It had been an ordeal. Sam was unwilling to go into the panic room and forcing him to do so was impossible. His big frame packed a powerful punch and he was in all-out fight mode when Castiel transported him to Bobby's, swinging with deadly aim at both Dean and Bobby.

It took Castiel to knock him out and it tore at Dean's heart to use the leather restraints and strap his younger brother to the bed. Dean told himself it was for Sam's own good. And in his heart he believed it. He was not willing to leave Sam's soul in Hell... suffering. And he was not willing to leave Sam here, incomplete, emotionless and unable to connect with anyone, even his brother. Sam like that was not human and he would not leave his brother a monster.

Castiel had said it was uncertain whether it would work. Replacing someone's soul had never been done. Who knew what was going on in Sam's head? Who knew if he would ever wake up? No one. Not Balthazar... not Castiel. But the alternative of leaving things as they were was not acceptable, so Dean watched as Sam screamed at him in anger then begged him not to do this and finally he screamed in pain as Balthazar forced Sam's soul back into his body.

Sam's body shivered and his head turned. Dean tensed and waited but Sam relaxed motionless... his rhythmic breathing the only sign of life.

"When is he going to wake up?" Dean's question was rhetorical, an outward sign of his fear.

"It is not certain that he will wake up." Castiel sat vigil with Dean, waiting and watching.

"Well, he didn't sleep the whole time he was back topside. That's what, six months? Maybe a little longer." Bobby shrugged. "Stands to reason he'd need to catch up on some of that. I'd bet he'll sleep for a while... maybe days."

"Day's?" Dean shook his head. He rubbed his hand across Sam's forehead. "Come on, Sammy. Wake up. Talk to me."

Their vigil in the panic room did go on for days. Bobby and Dean took it in turns to sit by Sam waiting for him to wake. At times he stirred and shifted from side to side but he did not open his eyes. Always he drifted back into dreamless motionless sleep.

Finally on the morning of the fourth day they left him. Dean didn't want to. "What if he wakes up and needs us, Bobby?"

"We'll hear him. We can be down here pronto." He gave Dean a sympathetic look. "I know this is hard but we just got to wait it out and there's no use hovering. Come on. I got some things I been looking at and I want to show you."

"Some things? You mean like a case? Bobby I'm not hunting anymore. How can I? I made a commitment to Lisa and Ben."

"Well, just look at what I got. Let's just call it an advisory capacity." The two men went up to Bobby's office.

Castiel decided to risk what he dreaded. He hovered over Sam... watching... feeling... and he felt Sam's soul. Shredded... barely recognizable. "Sam." Castiel spoke with authority. "Sam." He commanded. "Wake!"

Sam's eyes opened at Castiel's command. He blinked looking up at the Angel. Slowly the fog began to clear. "Cas?"

"You need water." Castiel offered his hand and pulled Sam up to sit on the side of the cot. Sam took the glass of water he was offered and as the cool liquid wet his lips and tongue and slid down his parched throat Sam's eyes closed and his head lifted. A smile crept across his face. He slowly finished the rest of the glass savoring the life-giving fluid. He wondered when the last time he tasted water was. He was so dry.

"You need to eat as well." Castiel again offered his hand and helped Sam to stand. It took him a moment to get his balance. "Go upstairs to your brother and your friend. They'll get you some food and tell you what's going on." in a rush of Angel's wings Castiel was gone.

Sam looked at the empty space where Castiel had been. "Ok... " By the time he made it to the top of the stairs he had his legs working pretty well.

"Dean?" Sam's voice coming from the door startled both Dean and Bobby. They turned and stared, stunned. Sam's voice was the sweetest sound Dean had ever heard. He knew immediately his brother was back. He'd know Sammy's voice anywhere. This was him. His brother... not some soulless imitation of Sam and that meant that Sammy was whole again... and safe.

"Sam." Dean stood and faced his brother. Sam's long arms reached out as he closed the distance between them in one long stride. He gathered Dean in a Sammy sized bear hug and Dean's face nearly split into from his broad smile. "Sammy!" he returned the hug squeezing his brother and patting him on the back.

Neither seemed to want to let go until Sam's eyes opened and fell on Bobby. His mind flashed back to the last time he saw Bobby. Sam was possessed by Lucifer and forced to watch... and feel... as Lucifer snapped Bobby's neck with a flick of Sam's wrist. He'd seen Bobby dead on the ground. "Bobby? I saw you... I felt you... " He let go of Dean and came around to face Bobby.

"Yea, well... Cas fixed me up." Bobby held out his hand and Sam bypassed the handshake and went straight for his second big bear hug of the day.

"Thank God for Cas! Bobby, it's so good to see you."

"How are you feeling, son?"

Sam thought for a moment. "I'm hungry... really hungry."

"Well, let's get you something to eat."

Dean watched as his younger brother uncharacteristically gobbled down one sandwich after another. In between bites Sam pumped Dean and Bobby for information. "How'd I get back? The last thing I remember was falling… just falling."

"Believe it or not, the Angels mounted a rescue to pull you out of the cage." Bobby eyed Dean. His statement was true sort of... it just left out a lot of important details... details Sam will be pissed about when he finds out Dean didn't tell him. Normally Sam would be sharper and pick up on Dean's lack of details. He would question Dean until he got to the truth but it seemed he was more interested in the food and water than in details.

Sam was more interested in the food and water. Over the past six months he had pushed his body beyond any normal limits. Just the fact that he had not slept during that time left him physically and mentally exhausted. Once he ate his third sandwich and finished off a second bottle of water it began to catch up with him again. His eyes felt heavy and a giant yawn made his exhaustion clear to Dean and Bobby.

"Maybe you need to sleep some more." Bobby patted him on the shoulder. "Go on upstairs. You need to be in a good bed. Not that little cot. Get some rest."

"I won't argue. I'm beat. I could sleep for a week." Neither of the two men told him he was nearly halfway to a week or that he was six months without any sleep.

Sam climbed the stairs struggling to stay awake. He barely made it to the bed, took off his shirt and jeans leaving on his tee shirt and boxers. As he crawled into the bed he pulled the covers around him and flipping over on his stomach he snuggled his face into the pillow. He sighed and his eyes opened. He breathed in deep. He noticed a smell... familiar but he couldn't place it. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep again. It smelled like... someone... like... Sam fell asleep with the smell of Alta in his nostrils and his head, never quite remembering... never quite able to place that wonderful smell with the person it belonged to.

… … ...

It was hot. Alta was sweaty and tired. And she felt the sticky dried blood on her. Beheading Vamps was messy business. Always had been. Blood tended to spatter everywhere. Face, hands, hair, clothes… Her foot pressed harder on the accelerator of the black Dodge Charger as she pushed through the night. She was nearly home and the first inkling of dawn was showing in the eastern sky. It was the second night on stakeout paired with a hunter she'd never worked with before. The hunt went well. They nailed the mate of the vamp they had killed the night before. Two in two nights was nothing to complain about but still the uncertainty of working with an unknown was stressful. She missed working with Sam.

Steve wasn't very experienced but he had good instincts, good potential. He was young, only twenty one and anxious to make a mark in the hunting community. She knew that was a risky time. It tended to make one reckless but he didn't seem to be the type to be reckless. She thought he might make it a few years before he got himself killed. Hell, he might live to hunt for many years. She needed back up bad enough to risk it. She couldn't bring herself to go back to the clan. Samuel was still working for the demon Crowley for all she knew and that just didn't sit well with her.

When she reached the Pub, she unlocked the back door and headed up the stairs to the apartment. She thought about the many times she'd climbed those stairs... with Sam. When she entered the apartment she dropped her duffel and headed for the shower.

Alta stood in the shower; her head bowed while the hot water washed over her, soothing tired sore muscles. She watched the sweat, blood and road grime swirl down the drain and she remembered watching Sam's blood swirling down the same drain when she cleaned his wound from the vampire bite so long ago. Sam, Sam, Sam! Damn, I've got to get him out of my head! I've got to find another place to live!

... … …

Sam's big feet pounded the pavement in rhythmic footfalls as he finished up his morning run. Sweat ran down his back and his face and he sucked air down in big lungful's. It felt good to push his body hard. Running got the endorphins pumping in his blood but it didn't come close to the adrenalin of being on a hunt. He missed it. But Dean had been adamant. And as he ran, he replayed the conversation in his head.

"We're not hunting anymore. Remember? You made me promise to live the 'apple pie' life." Dean had said.

"We don't hunt?" Sam was confused. "What do we do?"

Dean was restoring classic muscle cars. Sam could see Dean doing that. He was a good mechanic and he loved working on the Impala. It was a perfect job for him. But when Dean had suggested that Sam work with him, Sam just shook his head. "I'm not a mechanic, Dean. I'm a hunter. It's what I do. It's all I know."

"It's not all you know." Dean had insisted. "And it's not the only life. I was a hunter too. If I can retire, so can you. We've done enough. Given enough… everything. Hell, I've died several times myself. And you… you sacrificed yourself to Lucifer and Hell." Dean had been pacing, waving his arms. He looked like he was preaching the gospel. "Please… just humor me." Sam didn't have the heart to argue.

Sam had the 'Great Wall of Sam' as Dean called it, in his head holding back the tide of memories that could destroy him… or make him insane… and he couldn't remember things. Things like Hell, and the life he'd lived while his soul was in Hell. He couldn't risk anything that would trigger those memories. Dean was very protective about it and he was certain that hunting would trigger memories… Sam didn't like it. He didn't like having memories he wasn't allowed to remember. He didn't like feeling like an invalid… like he was weak. But maybe Dean was right. Maybe he'd done enough. Maybe he deserved to have a normal life. Maybe he would like 'apple pie'. He stopped at the back steps of Lisa's house to catch his breath before he headed upstairs to shower.

… … ...

Lisa loved Saturday mornings. Breakfast was more leisurely. Dean always cooked and they had time to talk without rushing off to work and school. Now that Sam was staying with them it was a little more crowded. But she told herself it was good. Lisa knew that Sam did his best not to intrude on the family. He worked himself around everyone else's needs and seemed to try to fade into the background as much as possible. She could tell he felt awkward, like he didn't belong. It wasn't like that really. Dean was so much better now that Sam was safe. And he loved having his brother with them. He'd stopped having nightmares and panic attacks. Lisa would love having Sam for that reason alone but it was more than that. She liked Sam. Ben liked Sam too. He worshiped Dean... But Sam was kind of mysterious to Ben. And what little Ben knew about the things Sam and Dean had been through was the stuff of superheroes to Ben.

Dean was already frying bacon when she made it to the kitchen. He looked so cute with a dish towel slung across his shoulder and dodging popping fat as he laid the long strips on the hot griddle. Sam was at the fridge pouring out orange juices for everyone. She couldn't help but smile at these two tough hunters being so domesticated. Ben was sitting at the counter playing a game on the Blackberry Sam had given him. Something in Lisa glowed.

"Hey Lisa." Sam smiled at her and motioned for her to sit next to Ben. "Coffee?"

"Mmmm." She smiled and nodded. "Smells so good."

Sam put all the OJ and coffees at everyone's place with milk for Ben while Dean started the eggs. Soon everyone was munching on Lisa's favorite meal of the week. Saturday morning breakfast.

"Hey Sam, will you go to soccer practice with me?" Ben had already scarfed down his food and was headed to the sink with his plate.

"Yea, sure." Sam smiled at Ben. "That'd be great." He looked at Dean wondering if he might be jealous.

"Good." Dean grinned at his brother and winked his approval. "I need to finish the car I'm working on. Need to get paid." He laid a hand on Ben's shoulder. "Sam used to be good at soccer. His team won a championship."

"I was just about your age." Sam's smile deepened and his eyes became thoughtful. "I got a trophy... somewhere."

"Cool! Well, practice is at eight. We better hurry!"

… … ...

Late that afternoon Sam wondered into the garage. Dean was working under his newest acquisition, a '69 Plymouth Roadrunner. "Hey Dean." Sam walked along the side of the car carefully stepping over Deans protruding legs hanging off the end of the dolly. He ran his hand along the classic muscle car gazing absently at the orange finish.

"Sam." Dean acknowledged him but continued with his work. "How was soccer practice?"

"Good. Ben's pretty good at it. He needs to focus. He's not very disciplined."

"Maybe you could work with him some. You're the one with focus. You teach him discipline."

"Yea, like Dad taught us." Sam smiled and winced at the same time. "I don't think so."

He made his way to the back of the garage and spotted his duffel bag. He eased over to the bag and opened it, peering inside he saw his pistol. Sam slowly reached for the pearl handle, his fingers slid around it. He felt it cool in his hand as he lifted it reverently... quietly. He glanced back to see Dean still under the car then he slipped the gun in the back of his jeans. Sam's eyes closed and he almost sighed when he felt the cold metal of the gun against his back. He'd learned to carry a gun like that when he was nine years old and it felt so right. He glanced back down into the duffel and saw his silver butterfly knife. He quickly stuffed it in his pocket.

"Hey Dean. I think I'll go out for a couple of drinks tonight. Maybe find some live music. Must be a band playing somewhere. It's Saturday night."

"Great idea. I'll get a shower and go with." Dean rolled out from under the car.

"No, Dean you stay here. Spend time with your family." Sam turned to face Dean careful that he didn't see any indication of the gun at his back or the open duffel on the counter. "Lisa rented a movie for 'Family Night'."

"Yea! Blazing Saddles!" Dean's green eyes connected with Sam's hazel ones. "It's a classic, bro. Ben's first time seeing it. He's gonna love it!" Dean laughed, remembering funny scenes from the movie. "It's a lot of fun introducing him to the classics."

Sam looked at his brother's smiling face. "Yea, the classics."

"What? He'll love it. It'll be great."

"I know but I just feel like getting out, you know." Sam shrugged. "You stay and do the family thing."

"Oh, yea. Maybe you need to go chase a little tail, uh?" Dean's eyes sparkled and his grin became somewhat snarky. He elbowed Sam. "That's my boy! Do you some good."

"Dean." Sam's automatic reaction from years of teasing kicked in and he looked to the floor, a small smile and a blush crept across his face. "Yea, maybe."

… … ...

Sam walked from Lisa's uptown. It was a few miles but he was used to walking. He liked it. It gave him private time to think. And somehow it seemed like a natural thing to do to walk out alone at night, like it might have been a habit once but he didn't have memories of it. He passed more than one bar without stopping to go in. He didn't want a drink. Music streamed out into the street but he didn't care to go and watch the band. That's not what drew him out into the night. He wasn't sure what was leading him. Perhaps some forgotten habit.

Instincts kicked in and Sam slipped into a shadow at the mouth of an alley. He pulled his gun and gripped it in both hands close to his shoulder as he silently made his way into the darkness. He heard sounds… rustlings… noises… natural… smells… also natural. This alley was clear. No kill here. Sam froze… What am I thinking? What am I doing? I'm out for a kill? He suddenly felt as if he was someone else… just for a moment. It was not the only alley he cleared that night. He didn't find anything supernatural, no evil that needed killing. He was disappointed but the rush of the hunt felt good. Something he'd been missing.

_**TBC**_

_**Comments and R&R are welcomed and appreciated. **_

_**I love to know what you think.**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**Family Secrets – Part Two – chapter 2**_

_**I still don't own Supernatural or the SPN characters. I don't profit from this writing.**_

_**A hundred days have made me older**_

_**Since the last time that I saw your pretty face**_

_**A thousand lies have made me colder**_

_**And I don't think I can look at this the same**_

_**But all the miles that separate**_

_**Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face**_

_**I'm here without you baby**_

_**But you're still on my lonely mind**_

_**I think about you baby**_

_**And I dream about you all the time**_

_**Everything I know and anywhere I go**_

_**It gets hard but it won't take away my love**_

_**And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done**_

_**It gets hard but it won't take away my love**_

_**I'm here without you baby**_

_**But you're still on my lonely mind**_

_**I think about you baby**_

_**And I dream about you all the time**_

_Here Without You – 3 Doors Down_

Sam worked in a cubicle crunching numbers for the hospital administrators. Gathering data, running reports and answering calls from clueless office workers, nurses or therapists needing printers or computers rebooted or just can't remember a password. He landed this job in the IT department of the local hospital a month ago. It was an easy task for him to produce fake ID, fake references, fake job history and a fake degree. And it wasn't so hard to fit in. He didn't mind the work. Not particularly challenging but the pay wasn't bad. He still picked up extra cash hustling pool and the occasional card game.

The thing she noticed about him that bothered her was that his cubicle had nothing in it. No pictures pinned on the walls… no cartoons… no philosophical words to live by… nothing. That made it hard to figure out how to relate to him. _What kind of guy is this Sam Phillips?_ There was plenty she did like about him. He had amazing eyes. Gentle, hazel eyes that were so expressive and a beautiful smile, complete with dimples. His thick brown hair was long, ending in a slight curl at his oh so strong neck. Not to mention a body that was Chippendale gorgeous. He was a little shy but not so much that he couldn't hold a conversation. For a month she had been hinting around and he hadn't asked her out so today was the day she decided to do something about it.

"Sam!" He heard her calling from behind him and he turned to face her.

"Hey Cicely." He waited for her to catch up. Sam thought Cicely was pretty. She was tall and lean with nice curves… real nice curves. She looked like she should be a model. More than once Sam had watched her from behind as she walked. He liked the way her hips moved. In fact he was enjoying watching her walking up to him across the parking lot now. Her blond hair fell in long loose curls and made her face seem almost childlike. She dimpled when she smiled and she smiled a lot. Sam liked that. Lisa smiled a lot too. He guessed that's what normal is like. A lot of smiles.

"I'm going for a drink. Want to go with me? It's been a long week." She wrapped her arm around his and nudged up close to his side. "Come on. I'll introduce you to some of the regular crowd." She motioned with her head toward the bar across the street. "Most of the IT department meets there on Friday afternoon."

"Yea, sure. I'd like that." Sam fell in step with her and let himself be led to the neighborhood hangout. He was new to the town and new to the job so making connections was a good idea. Cicely had been nice to him. She showed him around, introduced him to everyone and made sure he didn't eat lunch alone. "It's not such a bad place to work." She had assured him. Sam wasn't sure if she was just a friendly extroverted person or if she might be interested in him.

It had been so long since he had done anything remotely normal with normal friends he was a little unsure of himself. His friends were few. Hunters… well, Bobby and Dean… And Angels… well, Cas… and… He pushed that depressing thought back in his head somewhere. He'd made friends at Stanford all those years ago. He'd been normal for those few years. He could do it again. He could make this work. New job… and friends. And if Cicely was interested… well…

When they got to the bar Sam insisted. "My treat. What's your poison?"

"Mojito." She smiled and gave him a wink. "Thanks."

He ordered a beer and a mojito and followed her to a large table in the corner where there was a group gathered. The hunter in him had already scanned the room and this was the worst possible location… cornered... no easy exit. It made him uncomfortable. The best he could do was to maneuver himself to be able to keep most of the room in his line of sight. But he didn't see any potential threats. The faces in the room looked decidedly human on all counts and unthreatening. So he relaxed a little… only a little. Lifelong hunting had made it impossible to completely relax.

_Several_ mojitos and a few beers later Sam was ready to exit this scene and he wasn't sure if he should leave his tipsy friend there to enjoy the rest of the night with her friends or if it was his responsibility to see her safely home. She was in no condition to drive. He opted to be cautious…

"Cicely, I have to call it a night. Can I take you home? Maybe you don't want to drive." Sam spoke into her ear then pulled back to look at her face. She was grinning… a drunk 'shit eating' grin. Suddenly she looked even younger and more childish than he had thought and she wasn't so pretty, but she was vulnerable. "Cicely?"

"K." She grinned again. She was wasted.

"Come on." He sighed and started heading her toward the door. "Can you tell me where you live?"

"Oooo… yea… I can…" Still with the grin…

"So I can get you home." Sam rolled his eyes and kept pushing her toward the door.

**…**

Alta didn't know why she decided to go out. She was tired even though she had slept all day. But then she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway so, might as well try to hustle up a little cash. She started with a quick drink at the bar before she moved over to the pool tables. It didn't take long before she had moved her winnings well into triple digits and pissed off a few players who considered themselves good at pool.

"Hey Alta." She recognized his voice before she turned around. She wasn't sure if she was up for this.

"Hey Steve." Her green eyes questioned.

He loved her eyes. They were the prettiest shade of green he'd ever seen. He liked everything about her. She was short but she wasn't tiny. Her body was solid, shaped by the physical demands of the job. She was something special. Graceful… she moved like a cat; like a hunter. She was older by eight or ten years he suspected, although he didn't know. What he did know for sure was that he was damn lucky to be hunting with her. She was a Campbell. They never hunted outside the clan. No hunter had a chance to hunt with them. They kept strictly to family. The only way into the clan was to be born in it or to marry into it. But here he was hunting with a Campbell. _Damn lucky!_ He thought about the possibilities of teaming up with her for good… not just off and on like this last couple of months. "Good hunt last night. I'm up to go again sometime… soon." He motioned toward a table. "Can I buy you a beer?"

"Yea, sure." She hung up the pool cue and took a seat. "Have you found anything?" He looked at her. "To hunt."

"Oh, yea." He smiled and blushed. "No."

"Gotta do the research first." _He's young_, she thought. _But a lot of potential._ She gave him a smile. "You did good last night. Thanks for the back up."

"I liked hunting with you, Alta but I guess stakeouts aren't my long suit. Too much waiting around, not enough action."

"I used to feel the same way." She thought of how much she'd learned from Sam. "But you're not just waiting around when you're on a stakeout. You search, learn your environment… where everything is… escape routes… places to hide… dodge… for you or your prey… anything you can use as a weapon if things go wrong. You study and you keep focused."

"I can learn a lot from you."

"Well, you do the research and if you find something you let me know." She smiled and lifted her beer in a toast. "To a good hunt."

He returned the toast.

**…**

Sam finally got Cicely home and into her apartment. She wasn't able to make it up the stairs so he had to carry her. She giggled and clung to him, her arms pulling around his neck. He felt her body next to his as he laid her on the bed. _It would be so easy_, he thought. He stood looking down at her. He knew she could barely focus on him and anything that he did would not be consensual.

Her eyes were foggy. She still held that same silly drunken grin. _She's young_ he thought. She had to be twenty one but probably not much more than that. _She has no idea how bad things can get._ _It would be so easy._ She flipped over on her stomach and Sam watched as her short skirt slipped up showing a creamy white thigh and just a hint of her rounded butt. _So easy_. He reached his hand down to move the material aside and see just how small her panties were… or if they were thongs… maybe she wasn't wearing any. He watched his own hand as it neared the hem of her skirt. _What am I doing?_ His hand trembled and he drew it back. Somewhere inside him he laughed. _Take her! She wanted it! _Sam felt a white hot jolt in his gut and a gathering pressure in his groin. He left her apartment wondering what was wrong with him. He didn't remember ever feeling that way about a girl before. It was like someone else was inside him. Someone very different.

That someone was the one who wandered out at night and he was restless tonight. He'd been wakened by the so sweet little drunken girl and then denied… So Sam grabbed his pistol and his silver butterfly knife from the saddlebag of his Harley. And just like dozens of nights in the last months, he wandered out searching for something, anything supernatural… something that needed killing.

**…**

She honestly didn't know why she let him come home with her. Maybe she was just lonely… well not maybe. She felt empty… she knew she was 'robbing the cradle' but he was old enough and he was definitely easy on the eyes. Truthfully, she didn't care… didn't care that he was young… didn't care that she was leading him on… didn't care that she knew he wanted more. It didn't matter she couldn't give him what she knew he wanted. But he was here… and hot. His lips were real… and soft and warm when he kissed her.

It was a soft tenuous kiss. He drew back and gazed into her eyes, searching. She reached up to run her hands through his hair… thick dark brown hair, long and flowing to his neck. She brushed the bangs away from his eyes… beautiful piercing blue eyes… long dark lashes. He smiled; his cheeks dimpled beneath the faint stubble of beard.

He knew she didn't love him… knew she hadn't even considered it but he didn't care. There would be time for that… he hoped.

"Alta." His voice was low and soft. She lifted her lips to his and pulled at his shirt. It was all the encouragement he needed. Steve pulled his shirt over his head then reached for hers. As her shirt came off she unfastened her bra and he caught her breast in his hands. His hands were soft and tender not yet calloused by years on the hunt…_ like_… He rolled her nipples between his thumbs and forefingers pinching just enough to elicit her sigh of pleasure. She ran her hands across his chest. He was hard and sculpted… _but no tattoo_…

Steve urged her toward the bed and she let herself be pushed down. He kissed and sucked her nipples as he unbuttoned her jeans and slowly pulled down the zipper. His kisses trailed down her body… soft lips and tongue sliding down her side and across her belly. Her eyes closed and her body arched up to meet his mouth. He tugged at her jeans and she lifted to let him slid them down her hips along with her panties. Her jeans hit the floor and she lay exposed beneath him. He gazed down at her. She felt herself flush. Her legs seemed to open of their own accord or maybe it was at his command… she wasn't sure. But he grinned and bent down to bury his face between her legs. She groaned as he snaked his tongue into her and then traced it up across the most sensitive part of her. She lifted up on her arms to gaze down at him… his long dark hair… he looked like… and as he licked and sucked her into madness Alta closed her eyes and thought about… Sam. She knew it was wrong but she didn't care.

**…**

He saw her face. Crystal green eyes framed by thick auburn hair that flowed down to her shoulders and ended in a soft curl. He watched her eyes cloud with desire… desire for him. He could feel it… smell it. He knew that smell. He felt that white hot jolt in his gut and a gathering pressure in his groin. He could feel her beneath him… felt himself pushing into her soft, hot, moist … He knew that feel. He watched her eyes flutter closed and a sigh escape her lips. He felt her tighten around him and he swelled with desire for her. She was his. She belonged to him. His body was frantically thrusting into her and he watched her eyes roll back and her lids close… her face was prayerful… her lips pouted as if she could still feel his kiss… He knew the taste of those lips. He could feel her building and knew she was so close… so close… one more…

Sam's eyes opened and he searched the room frantically. He was at home… well his room at Lisa's… alone. He closed his eyes searching to find that face. He wanted to capture that face in the dream before it faded. Capture that feeling… that… smell… _God!_ He hadn't had a dream like that in a very long time and never quite that real. It was not a dream. It was a memory. She was real. He knew this woman.

**...**

Sam spent the morning at the park with Ben practicing soccer. He liked working with Ben. He hadn't played soccer since he was in sixth grade but it came back to him and he remembered why he liked it so much. He had taught Ben to focus and his game had improved over the season. He could see what Dean liked about having a kid. He could teach him self-discipline just as his father had taught him but not just _like_ his father had taught him. He had a chance to do it different. Gentler… and Ben learned.

They were nearing the end of their work out when Sam noticed Cicely walking toward them. She was smiling. That was good. Sam wasn't sure what she remembered of the last evening. He waited to see what she would do. Whether he should have taken her home or left her and whether she would be mad.

"Hi, Sam." He nodded and smiled a response. "I'm so sorry about last night; I don't know what got into me. It's not my usual way. I don't usually drink that much." She seemed genuinely embarrassed. "Thank you for getting me home in one piece."

"No problem." She wasn't mad, that was a good thing. "Cicely this is my nephew, Ben." Ben cut his eyes at Sam. Sam gave Ben a nearly imperceptible nod and a weak smile. Ben caught the message loud and clear.

"Hi, Cicely." Ben smiled sweetly.

"Uh, Ben and I were working on his soccer skills." Sam nervously waved his hand between the two of them. How to get out of hooking up with her gracefully…

"Come on _Uncle Sam_, I really got to get this down before the big game." Ben grabbed Sam's hand and started running toward the middle of the field, away from Cicely, dragging Sam with him.

"Sorry… See you Monday." Sam called to her over his shoulder.

"Thanks." Sam kicked the ball to Ben. "You're a very perceptive young man."

"Yea, '_Uncle Sam'_." Sam cocked his head and gave Ben a funny look, and then they both laughed.

"That's funny." Sam grinned.

They stopped for pizza on the way home from the park. It wasn't Sam's favorite, but he couldn't talk Ben into anything remotely healthy so he ate a couple slices of pizza and resolved to run an extra mile in the morning.

"What are you gonna do this afternoon?" Ben managed to carry on a conversation without missing a bite of his pizza. _Just like Dean,_ Sam thought _in so many ways_. He wondered when Lisa would tell him the truth. It was so obvious to Sam he didn't understand how Dean couldn't know. Ben was Dean's son. Sam knew it. He could feel it. How he could be so certain… he didn't know. But there was no doubt. "Are you going to start dating Cicely?"

"I'm going to the shooting range first and then, after I shower I'm going out. I might meet up with her; I might not. Does that sound good to you?"

"Yea. Can I go with you to the shooting range? You could teach me to shoot."

"That's up to Dean."

"You know he won't let me."

"Well then, no."

"Why? When you and Dean were my age you had your own guns. You were already hunting monsters."

"Ben, it's not my place."

"Then whose gonna teach me? Dean won't." Ben tossed the unfinished piece of pizza onto his plate. "I want to be a hunter."

"You don't know what you're saying, Ben."

"No. I know what I'm saying. You just don't like what you're hearing."

It hit Sam as surely as a kick in the gut. He knew exactly what Ben was feeling. Sam was a hunter… always would be. And yet he didn't hunt. Something about that was messed up. His sporadic forays out on the occasional odd night didn't count as a hunt. Not a well-researched, well planned and well executed hunt. "Come on." Sam stood and threw money on the table. "If you're finished, let's go."

**...**

Steve woke up in Alta's bed… alone. She was already up, showered and dressed. She tossed him a towel. "Get a quick shower. If you want to hunt with me then we're on the road in twenty minutes. I got a lead on a job in Pennsylvania."

_**TBC**_

_**R&R. Comments are welcomed and appreciated. **_

_**I'm always interested to know what you think.**_


	23. Chapter 23

Family Secrets- Part Two – chapter 3

_**I was looking back on my life**_

_**And all the things I've done to me**_

_**I'm still looking for the answers**_

_**I'm still searching for the key**_

_**The road to nowhere leads to me**_

_**The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me**_

_**It just won't leave me alone**_

_**I still find it all a mystery**_

_**Could it be a dream?**_

_**The road to nowhere leads to me**_

_**Through all the happiness and sorrow**_

_**I guess I'd do it all again**_

_**Live for today and not tomorrow**_

_**It's still the road that never ends**_

_**The road to nowhere leads to me**_

_The Road to Nowhere - Ozzy Osbourne_

After he dropped Ben at home, Sam went to practice on the shooting range. He thought about Ben. _He's a Winchester, no matter what Lisa says… She's lying._ Sam knew it. He could feel it in her. She could deny, but she couldn't hide it. He could smell the lie on her. _Ben needs training._ _Dean needs to train him. _Sam shot the targets. _Too easy._ He was running obstacle courses and hitting targets on the run when he was Ben's age. He'd smuggled himself on his first hunt and shot a werewolf when he was thirteen. _I was trained. Ben's already way behind. But he's got potential. And he has the heart for it, just like Dean did._ He knew Dean would never allow it but the thought of training Ben was exciting.

… … …

He opted out of 'Family Night' forgoing the living room showing of "I Spit on Your Grave" and headed to the neighborhood bar. He thought he might run into Cicely. He decided she wasn't exactly his type and he had tried to avoid her that afternoon. But now he thought maybe it was just unfortunate and she didn't mean to get drunk. Accept for the drunk part she was pretty and he decided to give it another try. He spotted Cicely with a group in the same dangerous corner they were sitting in last night. It couldn't be helped. Obviously this was the groups 'table'. Sam made his way over to her beer in one hand and Mojito in the other.

"Sam. You remembered." Cicely giggled.

He snorted. _Like that's some major feat_. He smiled and leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "Hope you don't mind that I hunted you down." He pulled back to look at her reaction. She looked like a scared rabbit. Sam's gut stirred, the warmth spreading through him. _So easy._ He placed one arm across the back of her chair and lightly rubbed her shoulder with his thumb. His other arm lay across the table in front of her. He leaned so close to her, she couldn't see anything but Sam. His wide shoulders blocked out everything. She felt surrounded… overwhelmed. She didn't think he would be so intimidating. It was hard to breath. He could smell the fear beginning to radiate from her. He didn't know why her fear should be such a turn on but it was. He could feel the heat building in his gut.

He dipped his head to whisper in her ear. "Drink up." His hot breath sent fire down her neck and she shivered. _So easy. _Sam knew how to hunt. He had no idea why but he felt like he was on a hunt and she was the prey. It felt as if someone else was in his skin and that person was calling the shots. He dipped his head to her ear again. _"Let's go."_ His eyes were dark and smoky, questioning. His hand on her shoulder nudged her toward him. He smiled that beautiful dimpled smile.

"Ok." She nodded. He stood and held out his hand for her. He led her to the door.

… … …

They stood facing each other; his eyes holding hers as she gazed up at him. He held her face in his big hands and pulled her lips up as he reached down to place his mouth on hers. He ran his tongue along the line of her pouting lips, tasting a hint of lipstick and alcohol.

He broke the kiss but held her gaze. Crystal green eyes floated across his mind. But he forced himself to focus on Cicely's deep brown eyes. They were hooded with a dreamy just kissed look. He smiled and began to trace kisses down her neck then back up to her ear. "Cicely?" He whispered and nodded toward the bed.

"Um…" she purred. He took her hand and led her to the bed. He traced kisses down her neck pulling the straps of her dress down her shoulders. She didn't wear a bra and when he slid her dress down to her waist, he watched her nipples harden under his gaze. He traced his way down from her neck to her right breast with his tongue. She shivered at his touch. He tasted her. _She's not her._ Suddenly green eyes and auburn hair flew across his mind again. _Stop… stop haunting me._

"Sam?" She sensed him pulling back. "What is it?"

Sam instantly regrouped. He quickly pulled off his shirt and then her dress. He pushed her down on the bed and crawled on top of her, straddling her hips. _Lacy little thongs. I knew it._ He quickly got rid of them and lay on his side next to her. He leaned up on his elbow his head resting in one hand while the other traced down her face and her neck… then across her chest. He bent down and kissed her left nipple while he rolled the other between his forefinger and thumb pinching and looking up to watch her reaction. She cooed with pleasure.

He moved down her body with his lips and tongue, tracing a path to her hairline. Sam gently nudged her legs apart and he slid his fingers through her lips. "Oh yes. So wet and hot. You're so ready." He quickly pulled off his jeans and boxers and moved to hover over her.

_She's not her. _Again the green eyes… the auburn hair… the memory of her smell… _She's not her. Damn! stop… _Sam slid into Cicely slowly easy… _she's not her, but she's warm and soft… she feels good, so good._ Sam began to find his rhythm in her and she moaned with pleasure. He looked down to watch her and he saw… her… the green eyes the auburn hair she was moving with his thrusts. It was her memory he saw. _Damn!_ He began to strain and thrust furiously into Cicely trying to make the vision disappear. He reached up to grab the headboard, using it as leverage to pump deeper and harder into her. She watched him straining… sweat glistened across his chest. His face was dark; his smile had become a grimace. He no longer saw her… no longer knew who was beneath him. All he could do was try to get her out of his mind. Cicely squirmed to ease his thrust. He quickly brought one hand down and grabbed her hip bruising her as he pulled her tightly onto him. She watched as his powerful body shook with the force of his orgasm and he filled her with his hot juices.

… … …

It seemed that Sunday mornings everyone slept in. The streets were deserted and Sam pounded the pavement alone. He had an extra mile to do today to make up for the extra slice of pizza he ate with Ben yesterday. He liked spending time with Ben. He wished _'Uncle Sam'_ didn't sound so ridiculous… better stick with _Sam_ and forget the_ Uncle_ part. Three miles down; four more to go. Sam's beeper suddenly went off. He was on call for the weekend so he checked the beeper and when he caught his breath, he pulled out his cell and dialed the number.

"Unit B, Mercy Hospital, this is Anne. May I help you?"

"Sam Phillips, with IT. I'm returning a page to this number. Are you having computer problems?"

"Yes, our charting system is down. No one is able to chart… it seems to be frozen."

"Is it over the entire hospital?"

"No, just our unit."

"All the computers on your unit?"

"Yes. We can't chart on any of them."

"OK. I'll be in as soon as I can. It will take me about an hour. Can you use your paper back up in the mean time?"

"Sure."

Sam hustled to make it back to Lisa's in record time for a quick shower before he went to the hospital.

Freshly showered and shaved, Sam ran into Dean on his way down the stairs.

"Whoa, what's your hurry?" Dean flattened himself against the wall to let his brother continue bounding down the steps two at a time.

"Got a call to go into the hospital. Computer system's down." Sam called back over his shoulder. "Hope I can fix it. It's my first week end on call."

"Well." Dean followed Sam to the door at a somewhat slower pace. He watched him climb onto his Harley and peel out of the drive. "Go get em, tiger." He smiled; glad to see that Sam seemed to like his job. He wanted his brother to settle into a normal life. Not because hunting was a bad thing but because he couldn't bear to see the wall in Sam's head crash. It was too risky and they'd given enough already. It hadn't been easy at first. Sam couldn't picture himself doing anything but hunting. Dean understood that better than anybody could. He'd hunted all his life. It was all he ever wanted to do and it took an apocalypse, watching Sam jump into Hell and promising him that he would find Lisa and make a normal life, to make Dean give up the hunting life. It looked like Sam was going to give up the hunting life too. He felt good this morning…

Dean turned when he heard Ben running down the stairs. "Did Sam leave?"

"Yea, they called him in to work at the hospital."

"Awww. Is he gonna be gone all day?"

"I don't know. I suppose it depends on how long it takes him to fix whatever problem they're having." Dean eyed Ben with his brows lowered. "You two are getting kinda chummy, aren't you? Did you have plans?"

"No, I just wanted to talk to him is all."

"Well, come on. Let's get some breakfast." Dean put an arm around Ben's shoulder and led him into the kitchen.

Sam headed into the hospital and directly to Unit B to try to fix their problems. He wasn't sure what he was walking into but he was pretty sure it was more than a matter of rebooting a PC or two. The system was part of a nationwide system and he would need to figure out if the problem was local or if he needed to call the home office.

Sam went directly to the nurses' station and spoke to a woman standing at the desk. "I'm Sam Phillips with IT. Is Anne here?"

"I'm Anne. I'm the charge nurse. Glad to see you. I hope you can get our system back up. We need access to that information."

"I'm going to do my best to get you up and running soon. I just need to use one of your computers." Sam used skills that weren't quite kosher; knowledge that was more hacker skills than IT protocol but after an hour, or so, he managed to get the system back up and running. He found Anne along with several other clinical people coming out of a patient room. He heard the low voices and it was obvious the patient had died.

Anne saw Sam standing in the hall. When their eyes met he smiled, nodded and shifted uncomfortably. "Sam, how's it going with the computer? Can we chart yet?"

"I think I have the problem solved. I just want to see you chart and make sure things are working."

"Oh, I got plenty to chart. We just lost a patient and I have a lot to chart on that one." They went to the nearest terminal and Sam watched as she logged in.

"I'm sorry about that patient." Sam couldn't help but wonder what had happened, but he knew the rules of confidentiality wouldn't allow too many questions. Still he overheard chitchat about room 2413 from other nurses and therapists passing by … _a death room… so many deaths in that room… if I ever get admitted, don't put me in that room_… Anne didn't seem to notice the comments. She was focused on getting all the information about the patient's death into the computer. Sam leaned down toward her so he could speak softly. "Death room? What's that about?"

"Don't pay attention to that. That's just hospital legend. You know, like an urban legend. The nurses all swear more people die in 2413 than any other room." Ann rolled her eyes and shook her head. "There's nothing to it. It's just silly. Sometimes nurses are a superstitious lot." But the hunter in Sam wondered. Often urban legends came from supernatural roots and he wondered if the same was true of hospital legends.

Sunday afternoon Sam decided to find out about room 2413. He sat cross-legged on his bed, laptop balancing on his knees as he connected to the hospitals computer system. Hacking wasn't as hard as some people thought; especially when you worked with the system you were hacking. It wasn't his favorite thing to do but he'd mastered a few skills. He was sifting through records relating to room 2413 when he noticed Ben standing in his doorway. Sam looked up and nodded to him.

"Are you mad at me?" Bed took a tentative step into the room.

"Ben. Why would I be mad at you?" Sam was genuinely puzzled. "_Should_ I be mad at you? What did you do?"

Sam closed the laptop as Ben walked over and sat next to him. "Nothing." He spoke softly. "I thought you might be mad 'cause I want to hunt… like you do" Ben watched to see Sam's reaction. Sam eyed him. He didn't deny it. "I know you still hunt. Sometimes when you go out at night you hunt."

Sam sighed. "I don't suppose you can help what you want. But, Ben I don't think you know what hunting's like… not really."

"Doesn't matter does it? The monsters are real and they're out there."

"True enough."

"They can hunt me or I can hunt them." Sam couldn't argue with his logic. "I'm gonna hunt. When I get old enough Dean can't stop me."

_And you go out unprepared and get yourself killed._ "Come on, Ben." Sam stood. "Let's go for a ride." They headed down the stairs and out the door one after the other. Sam handed Ben his extra helmet. "Hop on." Ben swung onto the back of the Harley and Sam fastened his own helmet then pulled out onto the street with Ben's arms wrapped around him.

Dean heard the Harley engine rev and peered out from under his latest classic car restoration to see the two of them off down the street. _Those two are awfully chummy._ Part of Dean liked that Ben and Sam got along so well but some part of him was instinctively suspicious.

Sam parked his bike and pulled his duffel out of the saddlebag. He slung the duffel over his shoulder and Ben fell into step beside him as he headed off to a far corner of the park. They found a spot that was off the path. No one was likely to come by unexpectedly and see them. Sam drew out his butterfly knife and flipped out the blade. The silver glinted in what little sunlight made it through the trees.

"I'm gonna teach you how to handle a blade. It'll take practice… lots of practice. Just like soccer, you have to focus. I'll get you your own blade to practice with." Sam sighed. "Now that you pretty good at soccer you can work on that by yourself. We'll work on knives, self-defense and hand to hand. And Ben." Sam looked squarely at Ben, eyebrows raised and eyes piercing. "We should keep this between us… for now. You understand?" He knew this was going to end badly, but he hated to leave Ben defenseless. Monsters would come… they always did.

"I understand."

Later that evening Sam pulled the records for room 2413 again and began to compile some interesting data. It appeared that there was a statistically significant disadvantage to being a patient in room 2413. Something was going on and whatever it was Sam was certain it was supernatural… it had to be.

… … …

Alta crouched on a low branch of a large oak tree. The moon was at three quarters, but werewolves didn't seem to need the full moon to 'wolf-out' these post-apocalyptic days. And the one she and Steve were hunting seemed to be stuck on a rampage since the last full moon, killing every third or fourth night. It was a fourth night and she was sure it would strike tonight.

From her vantage point Alta could see much of the neighborhood. There were a few houses along a wide street on the edge of town. The trees made for lots of good cover for the werewolf to ambush its victims. It was a difficult place to stakeout, but difficult was the nature of the job. So she waited, watched and listened. Steve watched from across the street. He used another big oak for cover, crouching in the shadow of its trunk. He looked up to where he knew Alta was; all but invisible, blending into the darkness, remaining motionless as the time dragged slowly on. Steve waited… watching and listening. Alta felt sweat bead up on her forehead. A bead rolled down her back. Her legs ached, screaming to move. She knew he felt the same.

Steve glanced up and she shifted slightly becoming visible. Her eyes cut to the left and she gave a tiny nod. He heard it then and turned to catch sight of it… a slight movement, a flash of gleaming white fangs… a faint unconscious growl.

Alta saw the werewolf on the opposite side of the street. It would be Steve's kill. He would be the one to take it. She would be back up. She couldn't move, not yet. She couldn't alert the prey. She watched Steve. He was motionless… waiting. _Don't move; not yet. Let it get closer… closer._ She knew he heard it, had it in his vision. _Doing good_, she thought. _Almost there_. She felt the gun in her hand but dared not move… not yet.

The werewolf was almost on him before Steve moved. _Don't! Not Yet! Shoot it first! Don't face it yet! Not yet!_ Her mind screamed as she raised her gun to get the werewolf in her sights. Steve had jumped to square off facing the werewolf, his gun raised to chest height. It was an amateurish move. The creature was too fast. It was lunging for Steve before he could get position. Alta fired, hitting it in the side. She knew there was little chance of the bullet piercing the heart from this angle. Her only hope was that it would slow the creature down sufficiently to save Steve. As she jumped down from the tree running toward them, she watched… helpless. The werewolf's lunge finished with Steve pinned beneath the creature. She shot as she ran toward them hitting the creature again. It screamed in pain but continued its attack ripping at Steve's throat with its fangs and tearing his chest with its claws.

When Alta reached them the werewolf's face was buried in Steve's chest. Steve's blue eyes stared and his teeth, so beautiful when he smiled were bared in a grimace of pain. His lifeless face was frozen in a look of terror. The creature looked up and snarled, its face dripping with Steve's blood. She shot again, hitting it in the face and as the werewolf reared up screaming and snarling, she shot once more straight to the heart. It was dead. Steve was dead. Alta stood staring down at the carnage. She would clean this up by herself. She would burn and bury the werewolf's body. And she would salt and burn Steve's body in the tradition of hunters.

…

"Dean, it's not like I went looking for a case but when it's this obvious how can I ignore it?"

"How exactly did this just fall into your lap?" Dean paced the floor of Sam's room while Sam sat on the bed watching his brother.

"Dean." Sam rolled his eyes. "I work there."

"This isn't what you do. You had to go sniffing around."

"I overheard conversations about a 'death room'." Sam shifted uncomfortably and looked at his older brother. His forehead was wrinkled; his eyes sincere. "Dean. I had to look into it. People are dying. One died while I was right there. I can't just turn and walk."

"You sure about this?"

"Positive." Sam was relieved Dean didn't demand that he give up this case. He had been adamant about not hunting and Sam knew he was afraid of the wall in his head crashing. But what good is life if you can't be yourself... If you can't do what you were meant to do?

Dean ran his hands across his face and continued on through his hair until he stood in front of Sam, hands on his head; his face intent on his brother. "This isn't gonna stop is it? No matter what… You're gonna find a hunt…" His hands flew out from his head into a helpless shrug. "… or a hunt's gonna find you."

"Looks like."

"Sam can't you just… " He gestured toward Sam. "What happens if the wall crashes? After all we've been through."

"Dean." Sam's face showed his frustration. He didn't want to disappoint Dean, but he needed him to understand. _I need the backup. _Sam's face changed. His mouth thinned to a determined line and his eyes narrowed. He sighed. "Look. I'm gonna do this. I need backup… but with or without you…" He turned the laptop toward Dean. "Look at this."

Dean scanned the page, not really comprehending the tedious looking report Sam had run. He looked at Sam; his eyes questioning… his hands rose in a shrug.

"The report shows that a patient is three times more likely to die in that particular room than any other room of the hospital. That just can't be random coincidence, Dean."

"So, a poltergeist, maybe."

"Maybe, yea… Probably."

"Alright, but don't make this a habit. I don't want to get back into hunting. I have a day job." Dean and Sam exchanged looks. They left the conversation hanging, both knowing what Sam wanted to say... _I do want to hunt._

…

Dean changed into a maintenance uniform complete with fake ID and headed into the hospital. He met Sam in the stairwell outside Unit B. "I got everything I could think we might need. It's not complete but you could call it a mini arsenal." Dean held open his duffel bag. "I got silver knives. Here." He handed Sam a silver bowie knife. "I couldn't find your butterfly anywhere." He held up two pistols. "Silver Bullets." He grinned.

"Dude! Did you bring the herbs? If it's a poltergeist we'll need herbs. Silver won't do any good."

"I brought the herbs and candles." Dean rolled his eyes. "It doesn't hurt to be prepared."

"Ok it's almost midnight." Sam glanced at his watch. "We'll have to sneak in."

"You sure there's not a patient in there."

"I put a hold on the room so that admissions won't assign it to anyone until I take the hold off."

"It's good to be the Geek sometimes, I guess." Dean grinned at his brother.

"Shut up!" Sam hissed. He peeked out of the window in the door to see if the hall was empty. It was. He gave Dean a quick nod and opening the door he slipped quickly into the hallway and down the short distance to room 2413. Dean followed silently into the room behind him.

Once inside the room they let their eyes adjust to the darkness. The plan was to use Sam as bait to attract the poltergeist. So Sam slipped onto the bed pulling the covers up to his chin. He had both gun and silver knife at his side, just in case as Dean had suggested. Dean knelt beside the bed and quickly drew the proper symbols on the floor, placed bowls of herbs and candles in order to summon the spirit.

Sam worried that the smell of the burning herbs and the flickering of the candles might bring the empty room to someone's attention. But he'd picked the nightshift and a time he thought would have the least traffic. So far the chanting, the herbs or the candles had brought nothing, including the desired spirit. They waited…

"Must not be a spirit after all." Dean smirked.

"Shhh"

Dean craned his head listening. He heard a rustling and a mumbling. The mumbling sounded like cursing under someone's breath. A deep voice, barely audible. But it was there. Dean looked up toward a corner of the room near the window. Sam followed the voice as well but neither of them saw anything until suddenly a creature flew down from the corner landing square on Sam's neck. It was a scrawny looking thing and Sam's eyes flew wide as he stared into the yellow eyes perched above a rodent like nose and mouth full of sharp teeth. It screeched at Sam; its foul breath had the sickening smell of old blood. Sam threw up his hand in front of his face and gagged from the stench.

Dean jumped up from the floor and swung at the creature with his knife. But the creature flew away; its bat like wings flapping and scratching across Sam's face. It perched on the top of the window frame, snarling and staring at them.

"What the Hell is that?" Dean was squared off to face the creature with knife in one hand, gun in the other.

"Put away the gun, Dean. You can't use it in here. You'll blow our cover."

"I'll blow its damn head off!"

"Dean!" Sam was arguing with Dean but he was focused on the creature, knife in hand. "I don't know what it is, but I'm counting on sliver. I don't think herbs are the way to go."

"Good thinking, Sherlock… uh… you're the tall one. You go knock it off the window …" Dean made a sweeping motion toward the creature. "…and I'll stab it when you get it down."

Both brothers were focused on the creature when it faded from their sight.

"Dude!" Dean was in a half crouch with his arms extended a weapon in each hand. He turned from one direction to another until he'd scanned the entire room. "Where the Hell did it go?"

Sam's gazed remained focused on the spot where the creature had been when it disappeared. His eyes narrowed. "I don't think it went anywhere." Sam slowly raised his knife over his shoulder and with a quick thrust let it fly. "I think it faded, like a chameleon." The knife hit its mark and the creature shrieked as it became visible. It flew directly at Sam; clawed feet extended and bat wings flapping. Dean shot and the creature dropped in midflight.

"Great! How are we gonna explain a gunshot in a hospital?"

"You wanted to get mauled by a… a … What the Hell _is _that thing?" Dean stuffed his gun in his jeans and picked up the creature by a clawed foot. Sam quickly scooped up the candles and bowls of herbs, stuffing them in the duffel and they headed to the door. There were several nurses gathered outside the door when they exited.

"Bat infestation." Dean held up the carcass of the creature dangling from his hand and smiled. "Problem solved." Everyone shrunk back and gave the two a wide berth as they exited to the stairwell and quickly made their way out to the Impala.

… … …

Sam dug a hole in a far corner of the yard and dropped the creature's carcass into it. He was still wondering exactly what it was and he resolved to find out in time, but for now he just wanted to finish disposing of it and catch a couple hours of sleep before time to head in to work.

As he was patting down the last shovel full of dirt Sam glanced toward the house and noticed that Dean was still up and in the kitchen. When he straightened up and looked into the window he wondered why Lisa was up at this hour. It was probably two in the morning. His eyes narrowed. He noticed that Ben was there... in the kitchen. They were eating a meal. _This is not now... This is in the past... This is a memory... I've stood here and watched Dean before... Why? _

Sam could hear her voice. _"... he's grieving for you." _Her voice swirled around him. _"What about you, Sam? What do you deserve?"_ Her voice was deep and sultry... Those green eyes. He could see them floating before him while he watched Dean, Lisa and Ben through the window. _"Why do you come here and watch him like this?"_ And he knew she had stood here with him. He could feel it. He could smell her. She was real.

Sam ran his hand across his eyes. "Dean deserves this... If he knew I was back..." he spoke the words aloud answering the question she asked. "...he'd lose all this." _I've got to find her! Whoever she is... I needed her... I need her... _

Sam didn't catch that couple hours sleep. Instead he stood waiting and watching. He could feel himself changing. He didn't know how... exactly... He didn't know why... yet… but he would find out. He knew he had to find _her_. She would have the answers. But for now he watched Ben's window. As soon as it was time for Ben to be getting up, Sam went to his room. He knocked lightly and cracked the door.

"Ben." Sam whispered.

"Yea?" came the sleepy reply.

"Shhh." Sam entered with his finger to his mouth, urging Ben to keep quiet. He sat on the edge of the bed speaking in a whisper. "Ben, I'm going on a hunt. I don't know how long it will take me so I don't know when I'll be back but I want you to keep my butterfly knife. I want you to practice what I taught you." Sam put his hand on Ben's shoulder. Ben sat up and wrapped his arms around Sam in a big hug.

"It must be an important hunt."

"Might be the most important hunt of my life."

… … …

_**TBC**_

_This is the longest chapter so far, but I've got a lot going on and I'm laying some ground work for the future. The Campbells and the Angels are coming back in future chapters. So bear with me. I have a lot of story threads going here and that's new to me. _

_**R&R… your comments are appreciated. Thanks to all who comment, favorite and alert my story. So glad you're enjoying.**_


	24. Chapter 24

Family Secrets: Part 2 – chapter 4

_**This time I have nothing left to lose.**_

_**I'm stuck, the second hand won't move.**_

_**It's about time that I speak my mind.**_

_**It's about time, about time I find**_

_**Pieces of me I have lost.**_

_**Without any choice I move on.**_

_**Hey time you're no friend of mine.**_

_**Who will be there**_

_**To catch me, to catch me when I stumble,**_

_**When I fall, when I fall?**_

_**It's so very clear, you left me,**_

_**Left me with no one at all,**_

_**No one at all.**_

_**This time I have nothing left to lose.**_

_**I'm stuck, the second hand won't move.**_

_**It's about time, about time I find**_

_**Pieces of me I have lost.**_

_**Without any choice I move on.**_

_**Hey time you're no friend of mine.**_

_Catch Me - Creed_

"The boys aren't hunting anymore. Dean's got Sam working with computers at a hospital. They're both punching the nine to five."

"And you think this satisfies me?" Crowley's eyes drifted up from the creature bound to the table before him. He called Samuel to him while he was in the middle of a session… a session torturing a shape shifter. The shifter had taken the form of a young woman, probably a pretty one before Crowley's session had begun. Now she lay bruised and bloody; her body tense, anticipating the next painful experience. Her eyes were wide with fear; red and swollen. It was no mistake Crowley had Samuel come to him during a session. It helped to keep him in line.

"Tortured souls are my favorite. Quite the delicacy, actually." Crowley's voice was calm. Samuel didn't know which he hated worse, the calm before the storm or the storm itself, because with Crowley there would always be a storm.

Samuel's eyes traced along the wall of the warehouse, lined with cages, dozens of them, each containing a creature that he and the Campbell clan had captured. Most of them were already suffering from previous sessions. The rest waited fearfully for their turn on the table. Crowley watched Samuel's face as he scanned the creatures. He laughed. "This is more fun that Hell itself." To watch Samuel's fear and his conscience wrestling inside his head was almost better than physical torture. He picked up a silver knife and scored the shifter along the side from armpit to hip. The creature writhed and screamed in pain, twisting and convulsing as the wound burned and oozed white froth in reaction to the silver.

"You won't get Sam and Dean to hunt for you."

"Quite. I've wasted enough time on those two. They've been a thorn in my side for…" Crowley grimaced and sliced across the shifters body again. "Their souls are already tortured… well done, I'd say" His voice steadily rose in volume and intensity. "… and ready to be consumed… by me." Crowley screamed out the last words the silver knife clenched in his fist and pointing toward himself for emphasis. "I want them here. I want to kill them myself!" He took a deep calming breath before he continued. "Now, here's how it will go down. We won't get the boys here on their own. But they will come to rescue damsels in distress. So… you get the fair maidens they care so much about and they will follow them here."

"You want me to capture innocent civilians? That's not our deal!" Samuel turned to walk out.

"I'm changing the terms. Or do you want to return to Hell? You remember our sessions down there don't you? Because if you don't, I can refresh your memory." Crowley lifted an iron bar high above his head and pounded it into the shifters tender middle. Samuel left the warehouse with the tortured screams of the creature and Crowley's evil laughter ringing in his head.

... ... ...

Bobby saw the black Dodge Charger srt8 rolling up his drive from the kitchen window. His first thought was Sam, and then he remembered that Sam didn't have the Charger, Alta took it. He wasn't sure how this would play out with her. He tried to call her so many times over the past months. But she didn't answer and she didn't return his calls. He figured she was still mighty pissed at him. He didn't blame her.

He hadn't known Alta long, but he knew she was a good person and in spite of everything everyone else said he still felt that Sam loved her and he knew she loved Sam. It broke his heart that they would not be able to even try to make a life together. He lost the love of his life to the supernatural so many years ago and he knew firsthand how lonely it could be.

"Alta?" Bobby was coming down the porch steps to meet her when she stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind her.

"Hi, Bobby." She almost smiled... She tried... but the memories were still too fresh and she knew she should make this quick. "I brought Sam's car back. I shouldn't have kept it so long. I just..."

"S'ok. He doesn't even know he had it." He could see on her face that it was the wrong thing to say and he regretted it. She knew he didn't even remember her. To him, it was as if she never existed. "I'm sorry, Alta. It's bad... The way things turned out... I..."

"It's ok, Bobby. Not your fault. I can't blame anybody. It was just a bad hand."

"Come in... Have a drink. Tell me what's been going on with you. I've worried about you."

"I've been hunting." She gave a heavy sigh. "But I lost my partner Sunday night. We were hunting a werewolf and..." She struggled to swallow around the knot that was rising in her throat. "He was young. He made a bad move. I couldn't get to him in time." She looked drawn and tired.

"It's hard to lose a partner. Every hunter fears that." Bobby ran his hand down his beard. "But I'm glad to know you weren't alone this whole time." Bobby tentatively wrapped his arm across her shoulders and gave her a half hug. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thanks." Bobby held Alta in his half hug as they walked to the house and she reached her arm around his waist. Alta understood why Sam thought of Bobby like a father. He was a caring man. She thought maybe he took in stray dogs and she swallowed down the lump in her throat. She felt like a stray dog. "I'll take a drink, if you're offering but I can't stay."

"I wish you would stay. I could use some help on my latest research." Bobby was trying to entice her and he thought she might need some place to stay. "I need somebody to hunt. The boys are out altogether."

"Sam's not hunting?" Alta was shocked. She couldn't imagine Sam not hunting. It's all he ever did… all he ever wanted to do. "How can Sam _not_ hunt?"

They walked arm and arm up the steps and then into the house. Bobby got a bottle and two glasses from the kitchen and returned to the office. He poured them both a drink. "I don't usually drink this early in the morning." He raised his glass in a toast. "But what the hell?"

She returned his toast. "What the hell."

Bobby sipped the whisky and took a long look at Alta. "Do you want to know about Sam?" She looked tired, beaten and if she didn't want to know, he would leave it be.

"Yea." She sighed. "I guess that's really why I came. Is he alright?"

"He seems to be. He's living with Dean and Lisa."

Her heart burned. Until that moment she hadn't thought of the possibility that he would be living with someone else… that he would find someone else… and now that he had a soul… fall in love. She finished off her drink in one gulp. This was harder than she thought it would be. Bobby watched the emotions and questions play across her face. His heart ached for her. She deserved better. "Is he happy?"

"I don't know. It's hard to tell with Sam, especially with just phone calls. He's always been a little… melancholy… at times. But he seems to be happy. He has a job at the local hospital there. He works in the IT department. Works with the computers."

"And he doesn't hunt?" Alta just couldn't wrap her head around Sam not hunting. _My Sam truly is dead._ _He isn't even the same man. What? He turned into a computer geek? _"I just… it's hard to imagine."

"Yea, well… we'll see." Bobby sighed. "Dean's all domesticated too. Seems to have a good relationship with Lisa and Ben. Maybe Sam can…" Bobby stopped himself before he could complete the thought. He regretted it the moment the words came out of his mouth. His eyes turned to Alta. She looked as if he'd shot her. "I won't lie. And I know it's hard. But I'm glad Dean's got a woman and a kid and a normal life."

"And you wish the same for Sam." Alta finished the thought for him. She stood. "Thanks for the drink Bobby. I need to get back to town. I have some things to clear up before I leave."

"I'll give you a lift back to town."

"No I'll walk. It'll give me some time to clear my head. This has been… difficult."

"Will you keep in touch? Let me know where you are?"

She thought for a moment. "I don't think I will." She walked out the door.

Bobby watched as she stopped and grabbed her duffel from the passenger seat of the Charger. She smiled and gave him one last wave and then slung the bag over one shoulder and started walking down the long drive. She looked so alone and small as she walked over the gravel. He wondered if he would ever see her again. _But then… if you live long enough, everything comes around again._

… … …

"Where's Sam?" Lisa asked Dean. "He's usually the first one down for breakfast. I didn't hear him come in from his run this morning."

"Late night last night."

"Yea, you two were out kinda late. Especially for a Sunday night."

"I'll go check on him." Dean headed for the stairs and met Ben on his way down for breakfast. "Have you seen Sam?"

"He's gone." Ben's voice was matter-of-fact.

"Gone? Like, to work?" Dean put out a hand to stop Ben then he caught his eyes.

"No. He left. A big important hunt. He didn't know how long it would take him or when he'd be back."

"He told you this?" Dean was shocked. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"Cause you would've tried to stopped him."

"So he snuck out and left a kid to break the news."

"Yea, I guess." Ben's voice was matter-of-fact but he knew the reason Sam came to him… to make sure he practiced with the knife he gave him and to promise Ben he'd be back to train him.

Dean was pacing. _This is it. This is how it starts. He just can't leave well enough alone. He's just got to hunt. _Dean's mind was racing with worrying thoughts. _He's gonna crash the wall…_

… … …

Sam walked into the motel room. A bare bones room, just like hundreds of others he'd lived in over a lifetime of barebones living. He glanced at his phone. Dean had called six times in the eight hours he'd been on the road. Six calls and a text. *call me or i come looking for u.* Sam put his takeout on the little table by the window and dialed Dean.

"Sam! _Damn it! _Answer me when I call you. I'm going psycho here!"

"I'm ok Dean."

"Yea, define ok! Man, you ran out without a word."

"I'm sorry, Dean but you would try to talk me out of leaving. I have to go. I've got to do this."

"You found another case? Why couldn't you tell me this? Dude you're killing me here. I just got you back. I don't want to lose you again." Dean's voice was desperate. "What are you hunting? I can help."

"Dean." Sam sighed. "You don't want to hunt and I'm not gonna drag you back in… But you could help." Sam wasn't sure if he should tell Dean but he might know this woman he was searching for. "There's a woman. She's haunting me. All I know is green eyes and auburn hair. I knew her… she knew me, very well, I'm sure of that." Sam voice pleaded for Dean to understand. "I don't know why, Dean. I just know I've got to find her. Do you know her?"

Dean hesitated. His lip trembled. _Do I tell him? Do I lie to him to save him?_ "No."

Too much hesitation… too simple an answer… he didn't know what it was but he knew Dean was lying. "No? Just… no? Dean, you know something. Tell me. Help me, man."

"I'm trying to help you, Sam. Please don't go scratching at that wall. Let it be, man. I'm begging you. If that wall crashes… It's like suicide, Sammy. Please don't do this." There was a catch in his voice and Sam knew Dean was at his wits end. He heard Dean's heavy sigh. "I'll help you find her. Just tell me where you are."

"Be honest first and tell me who she is. You know something. Something you don't want to tell me."

Dean's face twisted; his eyes closed. He knew this wasn't going to end well. "You hunted with her. But I don't know what happened to her. I don't know where to find her. But… tell me where you are and I'll come and help you."

"No, Dean. You stay. I'm not dragging you back into the life. You're out. Best you stay out. I can do this." Sam ended the call. He hated to cut Dean off, hated to hurt him.

He had a clue. He could run with it. He decided that if Dean knew this woman chances were Bobby knew her too. He was already halfway to Bobby's.

After showering Sam had spent some time on the laptop looking for clues. He was trying to find anything that looked like a hunt over the past year. Something that he might remember. If he could find out where he'd hunted it might help him narrow down an area to search for her. But his research didn't trigger anything.

… … …

He was staring into the eyes of a vampire, pinned to the wall by the vamp's strong arms. His fangs descended as the mouth opened and hovered in Sam's face ready to rip the flesh off his neck. He heard and felt the ripping skin… his skin and his blood flowing out of him, down his neck, hot and sticky. His hands were empty… no machete… no way to kill the vamp and save himself. But he didn't panic… didn't feel fear… he watched calmly… waiting… waiting for… Suddenly her face appeared behind the vamp. Green eyes filled with rage and fear. She held up her machete… clear path to the vamps neck but she didn't make the kill… _she didn't make the kill_…

Sam watched her eyes widen in horror as he scooped his machete from the floor… raised it high above his shoulder to make the killing blow. Her green eyes filled with terror. He felt the blow as it sliced through her neck. He felt blood spatter across his face… his chest… he was soaked… dripping wet… covered in blood; his blood and hers… He felt nothing… no fear… no remorse.

Sam bolted awake heaving deep breaths; fighting to pull air into his lungs. He was soaked with sweat. His shirt and boxers clung to his body sticky and hot. He could smell his own fear soaking the sheets. The dream… it was a dream. Was she dead? Did he kill her? Was she a vamp? He raised his hand to the side of his neck. He could still feel the ripping flesh. A dream… or a memory?

Sam felt panic mingling with fear burning in his gut. A sharp pain ripped through his head and he clutched at the bridge of his nose. His mouth pulled back in a grimace; his teeth bared. The pain swept through his body. His legs wobbled beneath him as he struggled toward the bathroom. At first he held to the end of the bed; waves of nausea sweeping through him. He tried to stand but the pain in his head intensified and drove him to his knees. He crawled on all fours to make his way to the toilet and held on as his body wracked in convulsive heaves vomiting bitter bile. His head was spinning when he finally fell back onto the cool tile of the bathroom floor; arms splayed out from one wall to the other; his long legs reaching to the door where his feet lay out on the carpet of the room.

After what seemed hours Sam took a deep breath. He pushed the pain, fear and panic down deep behind the wall and as the pain eased he felt new resolve. He knew exactly who she was. Alta Campbell. He remembered every detail of the hunt. He was the one on that hunt. They were hunting together. He remembered facing Samuel. He had claimed Alta as his. He stopped her from killing the Vamp so he could capture it... for Samuel. She had dropped and he'd beheaded the female Vamp that was behind her. She stitched his wound. She took care of him… every detail came flooding into his memory.

_**He**_ had been trying to get to the surface for months; pushing memories up; keeping him hunting; keeping the hunger for the kill alive in him so he would be ready and now _**he**_ had finally made it past the wall. _**He**_ was strong and _**he **_would find Alta. She was _**his**_. Sam heaved himself up from the floor. He splashed cold water over his face then took a long look in the mirror. His eyes narrowed as he looked deep into those eyes, not sure who he was seeing. There was two of him on this side of the wall now. One of him knew this and lurked in the corners waiting…

He quickly showered, packed and headed out into the still dark morning. He had four more hours to Bobby's. He'd make it in three…

… … …

Bobby heard the sound of thunder from the black Harley coming up the drive before he saw it. He couldn't see the riders face because of the helmet shield but he would recognize the long legged rider anywhere even without seeing his face. Bobby wondered what would have happened if Sam had come when Alta was here. Would he have remembered her? Balthazar was adamant about not scratching at the wall. He was sure it wasn't safe. But how could he expect Sam not to remember things? It was bound to happen. Bobby knew Sam that well. He wouldn't be able to leave well enough alone.

"Sam." Bobby met him at the door. Sam stood there, helmet in hand.

"Hey, Bobby." He stepped into the house. Bobby pulled Sam into a manly hug with a few slaps on the back.

"It's good to see you, boy."

"You too." He forced a smile. "Where's Alta, Bobby?"

"I…" Bobby was taken by surprise. He wasn't sure what to say. "You remember her?"

"I do. And I see the Charger out there." He nodded back toward the front of the house where he had parked the Harley next to the Charger. "I assume she had it. Where is she?"

Bobby eyed Sam. _Had the wall crashed?_ _How else could he remember Alta?_

When Bobby didn't answer right away Sam grew impatient. "Bobby! Where is she?"

Bobby's crusty side surfaced quickly. "Watch your tone, boy." His eyes were hard on Sam.

"Sorry." Sam acquiesced. "Is she here?" His eyes drifted up the stairs, toward the bedroom. He flushed as memories flooded back to him.

"She was here yesterday morning. Brought back the Charger and left. She didn't tell me where she was going."

"You got her number?"

"She won't answer. She told me as much when she left. Said she didn't want to keep in touch." Bobby looked at Sam, his eyes pained. "How is it you remember her? Shouldn't those memories be behind the wall? If the wall crashed down, aren't you supposed to be Jell-O?"

"I don't know, Bobby." Sam sighed. "But I remember her. It started with visions, flashbacks, and dreams. I kept seeing her and I didn't know who she was… until last night."

"Yea?" Bobby was not sure this was a good thing. His eyes narrowed as he watched Sam. "So what happened last night?"

"It started with a dream… a hunt. She was in the hunt… we were both there. I couldn't tell if she was… if I killed her or not." It was obvious on Sam's face he was reliving the dream… or the hunt. "But the thing is… when I woke up there was a stabbing pain that shot through my head like a knife. And the memory of the hunt came to me clear… as if was just yesterday… I've had bad headaches in my life, Bobby." Sam's eyes closed with the memory of that pain. "I've had stabbing pains with visions but I never felt anything that bad."

… … …

When Dean was worried, Lisa was worried. And Dean was worried. He had a sleepless night. The first one he'd had since Sam had come to live with them and Lisa remembered why she liked having Sam there; because it made Dean happy. But last night he spent half the night tossing and turning and the rest pacing in the living room.

"Stop torturing yourself and just go get him." Lisa stood at the living room door.

"No. I can't go running after him every time he decides to take a hike." Dean stopped pacing and faced Lisa. "You deserve better."

"Look, Dean. I'm not going to be responsible for holding you back from your brother or anything else." She sighed. "It's up to you, but make a decision and quit pacing around. If you need to go... Go! You'll always be welcome here." She lay a hand on his cheek "If you decide to stay, then get over it and get on with living."

Dean gazed at Lisa. She did deserved so much better than he'd given her. He came to her broken; devastated by the ordeal of the apocalypse... the _dick _Angels... demons... horsemen... Michael and Lucifer. On top of all that, his brother sacrificed to Lucifer and the cage. He had been constantly haunted by visions of Sam tortured and suffering... always calling to him for help.

Dean drank too much. He had fits of depression, anxiety attacks and bouts of rage. Through it all Lisa patiently waited... gave him time to heal and with her help he was getting better. Until now. Everything was going so well. Sam was safe and happy... or so it seemed... but life always seemed to bite him in the ass… _always!_ And he was well on his way to full blown panic attack. Dean breathed deep. _No! I'm not going there! Not going to do it._ He forced himself to calm down. Lisa was gazing at him. Her face was calm… reassuring. She put no pressure on him. "You're right. Maybe Sam needs some space. He knows how to get in touch with me." _**If**__ he'll call. And with Sam, that's a big if._ "I'll call Bobby."

"Ok, then." Lisa smiled and held Dean's worried green eyes with her soft, comforting brown ones. "Sounds like a plan."

… … …

"I'm thinking the wall is cracking or weakening... something like that, and memories are... bleeding through."

"And that's a bad thing? I mean... It hurt like hell but I'm ok now and I know what happened on that hunt. I remember Alta. She meant something to me... I'm thinking she can help with all this."

"I can do some research. See if I can suss out some lore on reintegrating souls... If it's ever been done before." Bobby moved toward the library. "It's gonna be a long day." He glanced back over his shoulder and grinned at Sam. "You better see about remembering more than just _'she meant something to you'_ before you find her because she meant more than_ something_ to you. And if that's the best you can do, she's liable to be handing you your _'something'_ on a plate." Sam gave a quizzical look. Bobby pulled a large ancient leather-bound book off the shelf and handed it to Sam who had followed him into the library. "Here. I hope you remembered your Latin."

Sam snorted and grinned. "Of course."

It wasn't long before Bobby's phone rang. "Dean." That got a glance from Sam. "Yea, we're just researching the reintegration of souls." Bobby sighed and gave Sam a hard look. Sam shrugged and went back to studying the ancient manuscript in front of him. "Were not having much luck but your brother's fine." **... … …** "Yes, I'll let you know if we find anything out." **... … …**

Bobby ended the call and glared at Sam. "Were you planning on letting your brother know what was going on or were you just gonna let him go nuts?"

"I told Dean to stay with Lisa and Ben. I can handle this."

"And you thought that would work?"

"I hoped... for his sake."

**... ... ...**

She had instinctively chosen a seat with a good view of the room and fast access to exit if she needed it. She wasn't sure why but she had the feeling she should be on a hunt. It was that uneasy feeling... A hunter's sense that put her on edge. It made her scan the faces in the little bar closely. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She took a sip of her whisky and pressed her hand against the silver knife at her side.

Alta was in a debate with herself. She wasn't sure what her next move should be. She was the only Campbell to ever leave the clan to hunt with someone else. She left to hunt with Sam. Although he was technically part of the clan, his mother was a Campbell and a hunter, he hadn't been raised in the clan and no one went out against the leader like Sam had done... like she had done with Sam.

That was bad enough but when she decided to hunt on her own and then with Steve who was not a Campbell, she flew in the face of all tradition. And what did it get her? Not much... not much at all. She was solo again. Solo was dangerous. Bobby offered for her to hunt with him and in the hunting community that was no small thing. Bobby Singer had quite the rep. But he was pretty much tied to the Winchesters. The last thing she wanted was to risk running into Sam.

She was deep in thought when Christian took the seat beside her.

"You know, Campbell's don't hunt with outsiders." He took a sip of his beer, not looking directly at her but eyeing her from the side.

"What does it matter now? Steve's dead." She didn't look directly at him either.

"Sam's not." He toyed with his glass.

"Sam's a Campbell. His mother was a Campbell." She turned to face him, quick to defend Sam.

"No. Sam's a Winchester. There's a difference." Christian faced Alta. He spoke softly but his face showed his satisfaction. He knew he'd hit a nerve.

"His mother was a Campbell. That makes him blood."

"He never knew his mother. And he wasn't raised in the clan. He doesn't fit with us." Christian smiled and lifted his glass in a toast.

"Well, I'm not hunting with Sam anymore. He's not hunting anymore. He's out."

"Hum... we'll see.

Alta had known Christian all her life. She'd been on more hunts with him than she could count. She was beginning to see where this was going. "Christian, you dick! Did Samuel send you after me?"

"He wants to see you. Alta we want you back with the clan. It's dangerous to be hunting on your own... with no backup. Things could happen."

"Are you threatening me?" Alta was getting angry but she knew she had to be cautious. Samuel was angry with her or it was just Christian. Either way it was bad.

**... ... ...**

Sam had read through so many of Bobby's ancient books that his eyes burned and his head hurt. He'd fallen asleep on the sofa in the office. Bobby stopped on his way to refill his coffee and gave him a shake.

"Why don't you go up to bed? Get some sleep and we'll pick it up again in the morning."

"What about you?"

"I'm gonna pack it in soon. Maybe another hour but it's been a long day for you and you can't go forever without sleep like..."

"Like I did when I didn't have a soul?"

"Yea, like then."

Sam climbed the stairs and stopped by the bathroom to take a couple of aspirin. He pulled off his jeans and his shirt and climbed into the bed. He rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head in the pillow.

The sheets... the pillow... the comforter... the room itself was permeated with the scent of Alta. Sam smelled it and felt a warmth in the pit of his belly. He ran his hands under the pillow and scrunched it up around his face. Sam fell asleep with Alta surrounding him.

… … …

_**TBC**_

_**R&R please. Comments are welcomed and appreciated. I love to know what you think.**_

_**Thanks for the comments, favorites and alerts. **_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Family Secrets: Part two**__ – chapter 5_

_I don't own Supernatural or the SPN characters. They're just so much fun to play with, I can't resist. Alta is my own creation. _

_Fair warning that real life is going to be cutting into my writing time and it may be awhile before I get the next chapter finished and can publish. Hang in there with me. But, gotta stop and make a living every now and then._

_**I was blown away.**_

_**What could I say?**_

_**It all seemed to make sense.**_

_**You've taken away everything,**_

_**And I can't deal with that.**_

_**I try to see the good in life,**_

_**But good things in life are hard to find.**_

_**We'll blow it away, blow it away.**_

_**Can we make this something good?**_

_**Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.**_

_**Let's start over.**_

_**I'll try to do it right this time around.**_

_**It's not over.**_

_**'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.**_

_**This love is killing me,**_

_**But you're the only one.**_

_**It's not over.**_

_**Taken all I could take,**_

_**And I cannot wait.**_

_**We're wasting too much time**_

_**Being strong, holding on.**_

_**Can't let it bring us down.**_

_**My life with you means everything,**_

_**So I won't give up that easily.**_

_**I'll blow it away, blow it away.**_

_**Can we make this something good?**_

_**'Cause it's all misunderstood.**_

_**Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.**_

_**We can't let this get away.**_

_**Let it out, let it out.**_

_**Don't get caught up in yourself.**_

_**Let it out.**_

_**Let's start over.**_

_**I'll try to do it right this time around.**_

_**It's not over.**_

_**'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.**_

_**This love is killing me,**_

_**But you're the only one.**_

_**It's not over.**_

_It's Not Over - Daughtry_

Alta watched Christian as they sat together at the bar. She had wanted a quiet nightcap before she made her way home. She didn't expect to see him but there he was. She'd already listened to enough and she was not in the mood to continue the conversation. But she knew she needed to be careful. Apparently Christian was representing the clan. The last thing she needed was the clan against her.

"Come on, Alta. Let's just go see Samuel. He wants you back in the clan." Christian was trying his best to be convincing but Alta had known him all her life. She knew when he was being manipulative. She thought she knew how the clan worked. It was hard sometimes but not murderous. Then again, Samuel was an unknown. The things he did… capturing instead of killing… torturing… in league with a demon… he had changed the clan… not for the better. She left the clan with Sam but she realized it wasn't just because of Sam that she left. She didn't like the way Samuel had changed things and Sam defied him.

"I don't think so. I'm fine right here." She lifted her glass and gave Christian a little toast before she gulped down the shot of whisky. "You can tell Samuel I've retired."

"Retired?" Christian huffed out a chuckle. "What are you good for but hunting?" He sided up close and leaned in to her, his face inches from hers. "Sam would know, wouldn't he…? Oh, yea. He left you… alone." He smirked. "Gone back to his brother and doesn't need you anymore." Christian goaded her, hitting closer to the mark than he knew.

"You ass." She hissed.

"You ok, miss?" The bartender stepped over to them, eyeing Christian.

"It's ok. I was just leaving." Christian continued to glare at Alta. "Think about it. Come back to your family. We'll always be here for you."

**… … …**

Alta swam in and out of his dreams. He watched as her body moved beneath him… the graceful arch of her back and the way her eyes fluttered as she shivered… felt himself moving in her. _"I can smell it when you light up like you are right now."…_ lust and passion clinging to her skin. He tasted her… _"I need you with me… like a part of me… the best part of me."_ He saw the line of her back, the slight bend of her body as she reached for the covers … a soft kiss… "…do I deserve you?" Passion burned in him and he felt the raw lust he had for her. _"You love me. I can feel it... I can smell it all over you."_

All of it came back to him in dreams and memories. He claimed her… she was his… And he remembered home… their home… a pair of paintings she'd hung... landscapes, riversides… dark slow moving water… large ancient trees… hanging out low over the water… the little knick knacks… the smell… home… He remembered the apartment. He knew where to find her.

Sam woke with a jolt. Once again a searing pain was ripping through his head. _Oh, shit! Shit! Shit!_ He gripped his head with both hands as if he could keep it from exploding. Not daring to move; he knew that if he moved the nausea would be overwhelming. He lay on the bed; his eyes closed. Slowly he released his head and placed his hands at his sides. He thought about breathing. Slowly… in and out… in and out… waiting for the pain to subside… If he was _absolutely_ still… _absolutely _quiet…

In his head there was two of him. _**He**_ was pushing more memories to the surface. _**He**_ had one goal. _Get to Alta._ _You'll see. You'll understand_. Sam's head was suddenly clear. He had to get to the apartment; had to get home. He packed quickly and quietly went down the stairs and out the front door. When Sam opened the door of the Charger and slid into the seat he gripped the wheel with iron fists. His eyes closed, his head fell back on the headrest, his nostrils flared as he took in her scent. Alta's smell was strong in the bedroom upstairs but her presence in the car was overwhelming. What started as a groan became a growl as he jammed the key into the ignition, slammed the car in gear and spun out onto the road headed toward home… toward Alta.

**… … …**

Alta felt his presence long before she heard or saw anything. Her instincts were like her skills, finely honed. She had always been a good hunter but hunting with Sam and then the last few months hunting with a newbie or alone had sharpened her skills even more. Her gun was loaded with silver and ready. Her knife, also silver was easily accessible at her side. She had holy water and salt tucked in her pockets. But the most important asset she had was that she knew her adversary. Samuel had sent Christian or he had come on his own. Either way Christian was on a mission and she knew he would never turn away form a mission that easily.

Christian waited for her to leave the little bar. He never thought she would come with him willingly, and he didn't really want her to. He wanted to take her. _Little smart ass… thinks she can break away and leave the clan_. Christian had wanted to gut Alta since the last time he kidnapped her. And this was the perfect time. Alta was close to her car when he approached her again. Before he could reach her she drew her gun a spun around to face him, the gun leveled at his heart. "Christian, I don't want to kill you, but I will."

"Will you?" His eyes slipped and Alta gazed into the dark depths of nothingness; the eyes of a demon. His grin became a growl when her bullet flew through him drawing only a slight hesitation. He grabbed her arm, spinning her around and slamming her against her car. Her head hit so hard against the door, she saw stars. She blinked and swallowed hard. A cry escaped her lips as Christian slammed his body against her back pushing her into the car door. Alta stuffed her free hand into her pocket pulling out the salt container. She managed to get it to her mouth and pulled the top off with her teeth quickly flinging salt into his face. He fell back and she dug in her pocket for the holy water and her keys.

Christian recovered from the salt burns and lunged for Alta. She met his lunge with holy water and as he fell back again she managed to get into the car quickly locking the door. Christian banged on the window as she started up the engine. "You demon bastard!" She screamed and peeled out of the lot flinging Christian off the car. She saw him growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror cursing her as she drove away. This wouldn't be the end of it, Alta was sure of that.

**… … …**

Sam parked behind the Pub. It was late afternoon, but it was still light outside. He knew exactly where to go. His memories were crystal clear. As he opened the back door, the smell of fried food and beer was so familiar. A worker passed him at the base of the stairs.

"Sam! Good to see you back. It's been a while."

Sam nodded and forced a smile. He was clueless as to who the man was, but if he needed confirmation that he was in the right place, that was it. He made his way upstairs and paused at the apartment door. She was there. He could hear her moving around… more than that… he could feel her.

Alta was furiously packing when she heard him stop at the door. Salt lines and devil's traps were drawn at every door and window. It was a certainty that Christian would not be able to enter the apartment. But it might be Samuel… She grabbed her flask of holy water and a container of salt, cursing herself for leaving her machete in the trunk of her car. Her gun was in its holster at her side.

Alta heard the door being jimmied open… credit card… and she squared off to face the intruder. When the door swung open she gasped at the sight of Sam; his big body filling the doorway… not sure what emotion she saw on his face. Not sure what he would do or say… not sure what she should do or say…

Now that he'd finally made it home and she was right there in front of him, he wasn't sure what to do or say… not sure what she would do or say… He waited for her reaction as she waited for his. Time stalled as they stood frozen in each other's gaze. His name tore from her lips in a whisper. "Sam?" He was the last person she expected.

Sam stepped carefully over the salt line and through the devil's trap. When he reached her, he took her hand and pulled the holy water free from her grasp. He looked at it curiously. She made no move to stop him as he reached for the salt container she held in her other hand. "Alta?" He placed the salt on the table. "What is it? What's going on?"

Her breath came out in a rush. "What's going on?" A cousin turned demon and out to kill her… the clan leader angry with her and possibly out to kill her… vampires… werewolves… djinn… ghouls… demons… hell, even zombies… she could deal with. But Sam Winchester appearing at her door with a casual _what's going on? _was more than she could take.

"No…no…no…" She cried. Sam held her as she began to drop to the floor, going down with her. He squatted, one knee on the floor and Alta draped across his other knee. She buried her face in the denim fabric on his thigh. Her fist balled and weakly beating against his leg. "You can't do this… you _can't_… _I can't _…" He'd never seen her like this… never seen her fall apart. He didn't know quite what to do but somewhere deep inside him he felt sympathy for her. She was obviously in pain. The feeling was strange to him. But he knew where it was coming from. He knew what it felt like to share memories. He'd shared memories with Sammy before. Now he was begining to share feelings and emotions.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh." He stroked her hair and pulled her to him, resting her head on his chest, one cheek against him and his big hand covering the other, his thumb gently stroking her temple. With his other hand he stroked her back. He held her until her trembling stopped.

"Did you think I wouldn't find you?"

She sighed and seemed to melt into his embrace. He buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head. Suddenly she stiffened and reaching her hands up to his chest she shoved him away from her. "No! You can't do this!" He fell back, sprawled on the floor. She jumped up and squared herself to face him. She looked as if she was ready to do battle. "You can't just waltz back in my life and pick up as if nothing happened." Her voice was strained and more than once she stumbled over her words with the threat of tears.

"Alta, I didn't _waltz _in here, believe me." He pulled himself up from the floor and stood in front of her, his hands held up in surrender.

She looked at him for a long moment. "No." She shook her head as if she were convincing herself. "No. I can't do this again with you Sam. It almost killed me to lose you. I won't go through that again. I can't." She grabbed her duffle and stepped around him to the door.

"No!" He moved between her and the door and grabbed her, holding her arms to her side. "No. You're not running away this time." He was careful not to use more force than he needed to hold her. He didn't want to frighten her but the anger in his voice was clear. "I didn't leave you. They shoved me behind a wall. It took me months… months of clawing and scraping to get through… and I did it to get to you." His voice softened. "I was trying to get back to you. You're all I've got." Sam sighed and he tried to get her to look into his eyes but she avoided his gaze. "Look at me. Please, just… just look at me." She met his eyes and she saw the truth in him.

"Oh, God." The prayer left her lips in a whisper. Sam released her arms and caught her face in his hands drawing her lips to his. Their lips met in a soft tentative kiss, a feathery touch followed by another and then another until her lips parted in a sigh and his tongue moved along hers. He drank in the taste of her mouth like a starving man. She leaned into the kiss, her hands placed softly on his chest. He moved one hand slowly down caressing the side of her neck. His other hand moved down to the small of her back, pulling her gently against him.

When she broke the kiss, his arms held to her tighter. "Don't…" She gently pushed away and he dropped his hands, letting her go.

"Sam, you're killing me…" She turned her back to him. "I missed you so much. God knows, I loved you."

"_Loved_…?" He closed the distance between them, his body touching hers. He raised his hands to hold her, hesitated and lowered them back to his side. "You_ still_ love me." She didn't deny. She didn't respond at all. "Let's just talk about this."

_Sam wants to talk? This is different._

"Tell me what's going on with the salt lines and devil's traps." Sam stepped away from her. "Who were you expecting?"

"I wasn't sure, but I'm in it deep with the clan. Apparently Samuel is angry because I went off on my own."

"He wants you back. Makes sense. I'd want you back. You're the best hunter he had."

"It's not just that." She sighed. "No one hunts outside the family. You were the first one to ever do anything like that. First one to defy the clan leader."

"And you went with me." He'd thought of what it might have cost her to leave the clan and hunt with him. He'd only thought of what he needed… what he wanted.

"That's not the worst of it."

"What?" Sam saw the look on her face. Whatever it was, it was bad.

"Christian's possessed. He tried to take me down last night."

"What do you mean… tell me everything." Sam sat on the sofa and motioned for Alta to join him. She told him everything. She told him how it tore her apart to see him tied down, begging and forced to take his soul back… told him about leaving Bobby's alone… how they said she could never see him again or it would kill him… about hunting alone. She said she didn't like what Samuel had done to the clan… didn't like hunting for Crowley… didn't want to be a part of the clan anymore. Sam listened thoughtfully. He nodded and agreed with her. As the afternoon progressed they moved closer to each other. Her hand finally made its way to rest on his thigh and his hand found a place behind her on the back of the sofa. He thought she was like a magnet. He couldn't help but touch her… play with her hair.

She told him about Steve… She wondered if he would be angry. He became very still and looked away. She waited. He sighed but when he looked at her there was no anger in his eyes, no judgment. "Are you still with him?" He wondered what he might have to do if they were still together.

"He's dead… it was my fault."

"What happened?" She told him how Steve had died. The guilt she felt for his death was so powerful he could feel it surrounding her but he felt more than that. "You feel guilty because you didn't love him… but he loved you." He hit the mark… the soft guilty spot in her.

"You are one perceptive bastard!" She pulled herself up from the sofa and walked toward the kitchen. "I didn't love him. I needed a partner… and… he reminded me of you."

He was instantly behind her. "I'm here now. I'm not going to leave." Sam's voice was soft in her ear. "We'll handle Samuel and Christian… together." It was a relief she didn't know she would ever feel. Sam had listened patiently and she laid it all on him. He was the one person in the entire world that she needed to hear her… to feel her pain and he took it all… without judgments… without excuses… without blame.

She turned to face him, her eyes pleading into his. "God help me. I can't help but love you." He grabbed her pulling her to him. It had been so long since she felt his embrace… felt his large body wrapped around her small frame. It was warm and safe and she wanted to melt into him.

Sam was beginning to feel desperate. He needed her… He had felt her… dreamed her so long… so many times and holding her this close… finally being with her again… He bent down and swept his arm under her knees picking her up. She gasped; her eyes wide as she looked at him. "Don't say no, 'cause I can't stop." His eyes were dark as he stared intently at her. She didn't say no… instead, she leaned her head against his shoulder as he marched into the bedroom with his prize.

Sam laid Alta on the bed and lay down beside her. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her as he ran his hand through her hair. "I'll stop if you want me to."

She laughed. "You're gonna get soft now, after you swept me off my feet?"

He gave an easy laugh. "You liked that? I got more." He kissed her softly. "Want more?" Button by button he worked his way down her blouse. Kissing his way down her body with each button he opened. By the time he reached her naval she was groaning and suddenly her blouse was flying across the room and she was reaching for his shirt. Sam had moved to straddle her hips and he quickly pulled his shirt off tossing it to lie next to hers. Once he freed her bra, it too sailed across the room. He rose up to tower over her and gaze down at her body.

Sam's gut churned. She saw it in his face and instinctively moved to cover herself. "No." He brushed her hands away. "Don't." Sam's eyes were suddenly dark with anger. He gazed at the livid bruise across her abdomen where Christian had shoved her into the car door, the handle digging into her tender middle. Sam surveyed her body and saw the bruises on her arms where Christian had grabbed her and held her. He looked at his own hands. He had grabbed her and held her.

"It wasn't you. It was Christian." She wasn't sure what he was thinking. "I told you he tried to take me down."

"_Sonofabitch!_ I kill him." Sam snarled.

"You and me both." She took his hands in hers. "They're not the first bruises I've had. Hell, they're not even the worse bruises I've had. You've seen me worse off than this after a hunt. It comes with the territory."

"The last time an asshole demon did something like this to you, I took his head off." He leaned down to nuzzle her neck and whispered in her ear. "I'm gonna behead that demon _sonofabitch_ too." Then he began to work his way down her body again. He gave her light kisses and licks while she shivered at the feel of his tongue and his breath across her skin. He feasted on her breasts, sucking hungrily on each nipple until she groaned.

"God, Sam…" Alta reached for his belt and quickly unfastened it, tugging at the button until she freed it. Sam smiled at her as he brushed her hands away and stood at the end of the bed to remove his jeans. When she saw him naked and fully aroused she couldn't help but touch him. Her hands fanned out across the hard expanse of his abdomen making their way up to his sculpted chest as her mouth explored the velvet skin stretched tight against his straining manhood. She swirled her tongue around him tracing each line and crevice. When she closed her mouth around him, sliding him deep in her throat, she heard his hiss as he drew air in through clenched teeth. Sam's eyes closed; his hands trembled as he tangled them in her hair. He couldn't stop the involuntary thrust pushing deeper into her throat or the involuntary groan that came with the sensation of her warm wet mouth enclosing him.

Sam gently pulled at her hair. "Alta…" His voice was strained. "This will be over way too soon if you don't stop." Alta grinned up at him; her eyes smoky with desire. He pushed her back on the bed and turned his attention to her jeans removing them quickly along with her panties and tossing them to join the rest of their clothes.

"Ummm…" Sam crawled on to the bed trailing kisses along her legs until he reached her center. His tongue snaked out to run through her, tasting her wetness and dancing across the bundle of nerves at her core. When she shivered, he smiled and made his way up her body until he was poised to enter her. "Look at me." Sam gazed into Alta's crystal green eyes as he entered her, agonizingly slowly, watching her flush and her eyes flutter with exquisite desire. "So beautiful…" He moaned with pleasure feeling her hot and tight around him as he pushed into her, filling her completely. "God, I missed you…" He withdrew almost completely and began long rhythmic strokes deep into her, grinding against her at the depth of each stroke.

"Sam." His name came as a gasp from her as she rose up to meet his strokes. She grabbed his arms and felt the hard muscles flexed as he held himself above her and heard him hiss with pleasure each time he moved in her. She felt the heat pooling in the depth of her building… rising… "Aaaa"

He heard her cry like sweet music. "Tell me… tell me when you cum." Sam struggled to keep himself controlled, keeping the steady rhythm of his strokes. Listening for her cries… waiting for her climax. He could feel her building… each step higher… heard her cries… watched her body arch… felt her spasm and clench tightly around him as he thrust into her.

"Oh, God… yes, yes, yes…" He carried her through the aftershocks of her orgasm. Exploding with the force of his own release, his body shook and he collapsed on her. When he tried to lift himself she tightened her legs around his hips and her arms around his back. "Stay." He buried his head in the pillow next to hers, his mouth at her ear. She relished the feel of him, heavy on her body and breathing heavy in her ear.

**… … …**

"You stupid cretan" Crowley's face was red with anger. He paced around Christian. "You were supposed to entice her to come back to her family, nice and neat." He stopped to glower in Christian's face. Christian shrank back. The heat of Crowley's anger was like a physical blow. "She was ripe for the picking. Alone… just getting over the loss of her Winchester lover and her replacement… her temporary Sam…" Crowley sighed. "I wanted her here before that lumbering moose got to her. But… he's sure to have reached her by now. So there is no choice but to kidnap her."

Crowley resumed his pacing. "Delicate business, kidnapping." He drew in a deep breath. "I'll have to get Samuel into the operation. Maybe he can keep you in line."

"He won't like it." Christian screwed up enough nerve to comment.

Crowley smiled. "He does a lot of things he doesn't like. He'll take care of this for me too." He glared at Christian. "I'll have the Winchester's here to rescue their respective wenches within the week."

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy this chapter. Sam and Alta finally back together…**_

_**Comments are welcomed and appreciated. I always love to hear what you think. Thanks to those who comment, alert and favorite my story.**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Family Secrets: Part Two** – chapter 6

_**Hope you enjoy this trip into Sam's head. Being Sam and Sammy I felt that he needed to be honest with Alta. Sammy would need to come clean and Alta deserves to know more. AND I just wanted to explore behind the wall… **_

_**In the eyes of the Confessor there's no place you can hide**_

_**You can't hide from the eyes**_

_**Don't you even try**_

_**In the eyes of the Confessor you can't tell a lie**_

_**You cannot tell a lie**_

_**Strip you down to size**_

_**Naked as the day that you were born**_

_**Naked as the day that you were born**_

_The Confessor - Joe Walsh_

Alta woke up spooned against Sam; his arms wrapped around her holding her to him; his chin resting on her head. His body was relaxed; his breathing regular and she knew he was still asleep. She didn't think she'd ever seen Sam asleep. Even wounded and sedated, he would rest; he would lie quietly with his eyes closed but never really sleep.

It felt good to know he was relaxed and sleeping and it felt good to wake up in his arms but it was hot and he was kind of heavy. So she squirmed out of his grip as easily as she could, trying not to wake him. When he rolled over on his stomach and ground his face into the pillow before slowly relaxing back into the rhythmic breathing of sleep, she knew she made it without waking him. Grabbing some clothes she quickly slipped into the bathroom.

**... ... ...**

Sam watched himself fucking a woman he hardly knew... had just met... interviewed her for a case... and... fucked her in a public bathroom... the men's bathroom... slammed her up on the counter and fucked her, _for God's sake_! ... He heard his own voice...

_Next time I'll bring my cuffs_. ...

It felt good... He could feel his dick hard and pounding into her...

_How could I? ... I didn't even like her... didn't know her._

_Because she wanted it... She wanted it hard and fast… She asked for it… _

_Cuff me... _

_You liked it._

_No..._

_Yes!_

Two Sam's warred inside his head.

_These are my memories. This is us. _

_..._

He saw the man's face… weak… begging…

_Help me… please_…

_...get them to the hospital_…

Sam watched himself pull the trigger… felt the recoil of the gun… watched the bullet hit point blank between the eyes… again… again… again…again… again…

_No, I couldn't have… _

_I did… we did_

_Executed… six men… why?_

_They were already dead… the Arachne poisoned them… they were dying…_

_I shot them?_

_I did what I had to do._

**…**

He saw himself in a filthy alley behind a dumpster... The stench overwhelmed him... pushed her down to her knees...

_"Make it fast."..._

Held her head and forced her... growled with each thrust... paid her...

_No... it's not me... _

_Yes... it's me. It's us... It is who we are._

**…**

The familiar searing pain was coursing through his head; nausea already overwhelming him. The best he could do was to roll to the side of the bed and hang his head over as his body convulsed retching bile on the floor. Each jerk of his head intensified the pain until his body gave up all that he had and finally stilled.

Alta walked out of the bathroom freshly showered, her hair still damp. She was shaking her head and running her long thick hair through a towel when she spied Sam hanging off the bed, his head slumping, his hair damp with sweat, his eyes tightly shut against the light and the pain that threatened to tear his head apart.

"What happened?" She threw the towel over the thin acrid fluid pooled on the floor below his face, noting that there was no substance in it, just bile. The sound of her voice... his own voice echoed in his head, beating against his brain.

"Sorry... I..." His head continued to pound so that he couldn't focus... the light hurt his eyes. He flinched with the effort of breathing.

"Shhh. Don't try to talk." Placing a cool cloth from the bathroom across the back of his neck she spoke quietly. "When did you eat last?" She moved the cloth to his forehead, holding it against his limp head.

"Sometime... before yesterday." he whispered and winced at the pain it caused him to talk.

"Well, when you can move, we'll get some food in you. Can you drink something?"

Sam knew this wasn't just a lack of food. But he didn't want to tell Alta about the dream. He didn't want her to know... not that dream... And he knew she would ask. He didn't want to remember the dream.

_But they're my memories... You have to know._

Alta returned from the kitchen with a bottle of water. Handing it to him, she fluffed the pillows pushing them behind to prop him up. "Here. Take this. "Vicodin. It'll help with the pain. I'm gonna get you something to eat, something easy on the stomach." She cupped her hand to his cheek. "I'm not used to seeing you like this."

He snorted. "I've never been like this. It's..." He shuddered. "I'll get over it."

She made him drink the water... made him eggs and toast and finally the pain eased enough for him to shower. When he came out of the bathroom, clean and dressed she ran her hand down the side of his face enjoying his smooth freshly shaven skin. "Mmmm, feels nice." She smiled and led him to the sofa, motioning for him to sit. "I told you everything I did... while you were gone. It's only fair you share with me now. What happened?"

**... ... ...**

It had been a dark time for Sam. When he first became aware… he couldn't see anything. The darkness was complete and oppressive. Sam wondered... alone... until he found it... the wall. _They shoved me behind the wall... _All he could feel was blinding rage and he beat himself against the wall, over and over until pain began to seep through the rage... Then he felt the loneliness. The quiet dark isolation was overwhelming and he clung to one thought_... I have to get past this wall... I have to get out!_

It was useless to try to bring down the wall by brute force. But there had to be some way to get through, some way to get back into life and out of this dark nothingness. When he was quiet, he could hear beyond the wall. He heard Sammy's voice... Saw Sammy living his life...

_No! Not Sammy... __**Sam!**__ ... I'm Sam... __**Remember me!**_

The rage surfaced in him again. Sam kicked and called and beat against the wall; his fists bloody and bruised from the useless effort. Finally he dropped to the floor exhausted.

When he was quiet again, he could feel it… deeper in the darkness… farther from the wall… Quiet desperation, fear, pain and loneliness deeper than he could bear, seeping up to envelop him like a fog, threatening to overwhelm him.

_No… stay away… don't touch me… _

Sam crouched against the wall and felt something he had not felt before… He was afraid.

**…**

Sam missed living... missed hunting... missed the kill and he missed Alta. He waited... waited and listened and watched Sammy live his life... a normal life.

_I'm a hunter... It's what I do... It's all I know... _Sammy's voice echoed in the darkness.

_It's not all you know... _Dean's voice answered.

_**Yes it is**__…_ Sam screamed.

_And it's not the only life... _

Sam stood before the wall and willed Sammy to hear him.

_Yes it is... Sammy... __**yes it is!**__ Take the gun... your gun… where it belongs… back of your jeans… feel the cold steel against your back… the knife... your knife… feels right... feels like me... you are a hunter... __a hunter**... Hunt!**_

Sam watched him walk the streets, looking... hunting.

_There! You smell it... Carnivore's breath... rotting flesh... Listen._..

Hissing breath...pulling through fangs_... _

_Werewolf... smell it... fresh blood... already made a kill..._

Sam watched... and felt... and lived the hunt with him; through him... felt the gun in his hand... squeezed his hand as he pulled the trigger... felt the recoil... watched the bullet hit. Dead on… through the heart... Watched the werewolf drop...

_**Yes!**_

Sammy went home, cleaned his gun and hid his hunt from Dean while Sam slumped down next to the wall and waited... in the darkness. He knew what he had to do. Get his thoughts past this wall. He had to connect to Sammy. He could stay alive… live through Sammy… hunt… feel the kill… find Alta… Sam stood at the wall; he placed his hands on it, splayed his fingers across the surface and pushed his memories through the wall.

_Remember… remember me… __**don't leave me here**__… __**remember me…**__**this is who we are…**_

**… … …**

"A dream?"

"Not a dream, Alta. It was real." He watched her reaction, wondering if she would think he was insane.

"You _are_ different. Are you… _Sammy_?"

"It's _Sam_." He spoke the words as a reflex and wondered who exactly he was. "But…" He didn't know what to answer. He didn't know who he was. "I'm me… I _know_ you." He got up and began to pace. "I've got memories… all the memories… jumbled together… coming at me in bits and pieces…" He stopped at the window, gazing out onto the street below. "Some of them I don't like."

"I have memories I don't like too." She said softly. "We all do, I suppose." It was so different to see him uncertain and questioning. He was not the Sam she knew… not the Sam she fell in love with. He was struggling. Was this Sam with a soul; torn and indecisive?

"It's worse than you think. I know how I treated you." He turned from the window to face her. "I separated you from your family, the clan. I knew what I was doing. I was using you. I didn't love you." His face was pained. "I don't think I knew how."

"Sam… don't." Alta knew she wouldn't like where this was going.

"I tried. Because I wanted you. I tried to do the things that people do when they love someone. I tried to act the right way; the way I thought I was when I had my soul. I tried to make you think I was _that_ man. But I wasn't very good at it."

"I don't understand what you're saying."

"I _used_ you… I _wanted _you... I wanted your body… I wanted you hunting with me. I wanted to take you away from Samuel because you were his best hunter and it was a power play." Sam knelt in front of her; his face inches from hers. He held her eyes with his, watching the tears forming. "It was all about what I wanted; what I thought I needed from you. I set you up as bait for the djinn. I didn't care that I risked your life."

"Stop… stop it." Alta tried to push Sam away but he trapped her hands and held them to his chest.

"It's part of me. It's who I am. You should know the truth." She was caught in his gaze like a rabbit in a trap and his eyes were hard, boring into her. "And if you hadn't gotten your eyesight back… if Cas hadn't healed you… I would have left you." He watched the pain twist across her face as silent tears fell. "If you couldn't hunt, I had no use for you."

"Don't. … just let me go…" She knew what he was saying was the truth; truth she already knew but had refused to believe.

"No… there's more."

"I don't want to hear it, Sam." She choked on her words sobbing, not caring that he could see how much he was hurting her; not understanding why.

"That part of me is hard, really hard and cold. And when I didn't have my soul, that's all there was left of me. A cold, calculating monster… unable to feel… to care… to love." His eyes began to soften as he continued to hold her gaze. "But that's the part of me that had the strength to force my way back across the wall. Without me, Sammy would have stayed in that apple pie life. He wouldn't have ever hunted again. I_ forced_ him to hunt. I _forced_ him to remember me." He still held her hands tightly against his chest and his eyes were now pleading with her to understand. "I _**forced **_Sammy to remember _**you**_! When he made love to some other girl, _I __**made**__ him see you! __**I made him feel you, **__not her. _I _forced_ him to search for you."

"Why? If you don't love me… why?"

"Because I knew if I could get to you, I could get out of that place… I could get through the wall." He finally broke his stare and lowered his head. "And if I could connect with him, I would feel… because… _he_ would love you… and… _I could know what it feels like to love you_…"

Alta was stunned. Her hands trapped on his chest, held in his tight grasp. She looked at his bowed head; his back bent; kneeling on the floor before her. She'd never seen Sam like this. The Sam she fell in love with was strong. Power radiated from him like rays from the sun. He was fearless. The man before her now was humbled, beaten… She didn't know who he was.

He waited for her response and felt the silence stretch between them. He felt her doubtfulness. _She sees me now. _He held his hands away, releasing hers, feeling the loss of her touch and wondering if he would lose her. _Now she knows the truth._ He couldn't bear to look in her eyes. He stood and looked down at her, waiting. She didn't move; her eyes still focused on the place he had been as he knelt before her. He turned and slowly paced through the room pausing at one of the paintings on the wall. He ran his fingers along the frame and gazed at the dark river and the little boat by the tree. "You said these paintings were dark, but you liked dark. I didn't know what you meant… but I do now." He heard her release the breath she didn't know she was holding… a quiet, trembling sigh.

He paced to the window. "I don't deserve you but… could you possibly love me?" His face was pained and he stared out the window. As she watched him, she could tell the moment he changed. He became focused. His eyes narrowed, his lips became a tense line. He cupped his hand to his chin; deep in thought. This looked like the Sam she knew.

"This is not over." He turned from the window to face her. "We're being watched."

"Samuel?"

"I don't know, but if Samuel wanted you back in the clan… if he wanted you to hunt with them… why would he send Christian? Samuel's a lot more persuasive than Christian."

"True. And I know what Christian said, but I don't think that's what he wanted." She began to think back on their encounter. "He goaded me… like he didn't really want me back in the clan."

"Something's not right with this. Whatever it is we need to get out of here." He grabbed his gun, stuffing it down the back of his pants. "Get packed. Let's go."

Alta was already packing her duffle, grabbing her weapons and arming herself. He stopped her at the door, pulling her into an embrace and gazing intently into her eyes. "I finally got back to you. I'm _not_ gonna lose you!"

_**TBC**_

_**Next chapter will have more action as Sam and Alta go on the run and Samuel and Christian make a move.**_

_**Please comment or review. I love to know what you think… Many thanks for the comments and alerts and favorites so far. It keeps me going. I'm honored that you like my story. **_


	27. Chapter 27

**Family Secrets: Part Two** – chapter 7

_I don't own Supernatural, but I love that world… love that mythology… Don't own the SPN characters, but I love to write them… Alta is my own creation…_

_**Don't come over here and piss on my gate**_

_**Save it, just keep it off my wave**_

_**Cry, if you want to cry**_

_**If it helps you see**_

_**If it clears your eyes**_

_**Hate, if you want to hate**_

_**If it keeps you safe**_

_**If it makes you brave**_

_**Pray, if you want to pray**_

_**If you like to kneel**_

_**If you like to lay**_

_**Don't come over here and piss on my gate**_

_**Save it, just keep it off my wave**_

_Soundgarden - My Wave_

Lisa was happy this morning. It could have been disastrous. She had been so afraid she would lose Dean again. Afraid that he would be forever tied to Sam and that Sam would be forever pulling him away, never able to settle; never able to find his place in this life. But Dean seemed at peace with his decision to let Sam find his own way. It seemed to help him to know that Sam was with Bobby and safe.

She hummed as she ran the vacuum across the carpet knowing that Dean was working in the garage just outside and soon he would be in for lunch. They would spend the time together. We would tell her how much he loved her sandwiches; that she made the best sandwiches. And she would watch him eat big gusty smiling mouthfuls and he would love the way she cared for him. She switched off the vacuum and turned to unplug it. Her eyes flew wide open and she gasped, staring into the eyes of a stranger in her living room. A tall man… older… bald… his dark eyes were hard his lips drawn and thin. He nodded to someone behind her and before she could scream a hand reached over her shoulder and clamped across her mouth muffling her voice. "_Deeeeaaaan!"_ His name tore from her lips. No one but the two men in the room with her, two strangers would hear it. She felt weak. Tasted a sickly sweet… her mind fogged… her eyes closed… _Dean… Dennnnnnn…_

Dean finished tightening down the bolt under the car he was working on. When his stomach rumbled he rolled out from under the car and hauled himself up from the dolly. He was greasy and sweaty and stiff from hours under his latest project, a '66 Mustang. He already had a buyer lined up. He was closed to finishing with this project and he had his eye on another Impala to restore. It would never be _Baby_… but it would make someone happy.

Dean came into the kitchen from the back door and headed to the sink to wash up. As the water ran he wondered that he didn't hear Lisa's familiar complaints about getting motor oil on her kitchen sink and fussing at him to go wash up in the bathroom or that he didn't smell soup on the stove or see sandwiches cut into triangles and waiting on the counter.

"Lisa?" No answer. His hunter's senses began to kick in. It was quiet, too quiet. He cut off the water and grabbed the kitchen towel to dry his hands taking it with him as he cautiously approached the living room. "Lisa?" He began to assess the situation without hesitation. The vacuum was still out… not put away… abandoned. He scanned the room and noticed the smell... familiar… but out of place here. Chloroform. There were boot prints on the carpet near the front door. _Damn it!_ "Lisa!" Dean screamed and ran to the door looking out… nothing. Whoever had Lisa was long gone. Panic overwhelmed Dean and he stood in the doorway, his hands clutching his head, pulling at his hair as if he could somehow pull things back to normal.

**… … …**

Sam and Alta were on their way to Bobby's when his cell rang.

"Dean."

"Sam, I need your help. Someone's taken Lisa." Sam could hear the panic in his brother's voice. "I don't know... I don't have a clue. She's just … gone."

"You sure she's taken; not just out shopping or something."

"Yes, _damn it_. I'm sure. Chloroform… I could smell it… someone came in the house and took her, Sam." His stomach churned into a knot.

"Where's Ben?" Alta was piecing together the situation from Sam's end of the conversation. She could see the panic in his face as he asked about Lisa's son.

"He's at the park. I'm on my way there now to get him."

"Stay in town, but don't go back to the house. Go to ground… and call Bobby… I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm about an hour out."

"We got to find her, Sam. Whoever… whatever's got her…" Dean's voice was trembling with rage.

"We'll find her, Dean. I'm gonna figure this out, I promise you. We'll get her back." He ended the call and made a quick U-Turn heading back to Dean.

"Somebody's taken Lisa. Chloroform." Sam looked at Alta. "Sound familiar?"

"Same way somebody took me." Alta shuddered at the memory and the thought that Lisa might be tortured the way she was. "Oh, God. Is Ben…?"

Sam hands clenched tight on the steering wheel. "I don't know."

"We never found out who took me. But it wasn't a demon. It was human." Alta's mind was racing. "Sam, it can't be coincidence that Christian was after me just a couple days ago and we were being watched. You think it could be him?"

"He's a demon. I doubt he could get into Lisa's house, just like no demon got into Bobby's, but those demon's weren't working alone. If it's Christian, he not working alone either. Can't be in two places at once; watching us and kidnapping Lisa." He groaned and pushed down on the accelerator.

**… … …**

Ben was focused on the silver butterfly knife Sam had given him. He held it lightly in his hand and moved in the precise motions Sam had taught him. Making cutting stabs at imaginary monsters. He wasn't playing. Sam words echoed in his brain. _"This is not a toy, Ben. It's a weapon. Don't play with it. Treat it with respect and always keep your focus when you are handling any weapon."_

When his cell rang he carefully put the knife in his pocket and saw Dean's name on the phone.

"Dean?"

"Ben, are you ok?"

"Yea, I'm at the park." Ben could hear the panic in Dean's voice. "What's wrong?"

"I'm on my way to pick you up. Meet me at the parking lot… Ben… be careful…"

"Dean? What is it?" Ben was beginning to panic.

"Just get to the parking lot, I'm almost there."

**… … …**

They walked through the house looking for clues. Alta surveyed the doors and windows while Sam scanned the floor. He crouched at the doorway, his hands lightly tracing the indentations and traces of dirt left by the boots of the kidnappers. The salt line was swept aside and the devil's trap had been broken as well.

"Sam." Alta called him over to a window at the side of the house. He groaned as he saw the salt line broken and traces of sulfur scattered on the ledge.

"Demon. We know where he got in." Sam motioned to Alta and they headed out the door. "We know where he left."

"He had to have a human with him; someone to break the lines and let him in."

They surveyed the front of the house and the driveway. Sam bent down to the gravel searching. "It's Samuel. He's behind this."

"What? How do you figure that?"

Sam sniffed. "I'd recognize the stench of Samuel's van anywhere… old blood…the smell of all the creatures he's carried… their terror of him…" Sam's nose wrinkled in disgust as he ran the back of his hand across his face trying to scrub away the scent. "I always hated riding in his van. The smell is overwhelming."

"You think Samuel kidnapped Lisa? What would he want with Lisa?"

"No… You're right." Sam snarled. "It's Crowley. Samuel wouldn't care about Lisa… unless Crowley wanted her for some reason." Realization was beginning to show on Sam's face. "It's just like him to use an innocent. He wants to get back at Dean… and me."

"That bastard!"

"Yea, we need to take him out." Sam's knuckles glowed white as he worked his hands in frustration.

**… … …**

Sam spotted the Impala as he cruised into the Apple Inn. "First motel in the phone book. Its how we find each other when we go to ground."

"You sure Dean will be ok with me on this?" She was concerned. "We didn't part on the best of terms."

"I'm not leaving you alone." Sam parked next to the Impala and turned to face her. His eyes showed how deadly serious he was. "I need you… we need you on this hunt. Dean will be fine with it."

When he opened the door Sam could see that Dean's panic had turned to pure rage. "I'm gonna kill the _sonofabitch_ that invaded my home." He stepped back, pulling the door open wide and allowing Sam and Alta to pass.

"Where's Ben?" Sam surveyed the room. Fear burned like a white hot knot in his chest. _If they took Ben..._

"He's with Lisa's sister."

"Good." Alta could see Sam's face relax. They both had the same thought. _Only one hostage._ "I don't think they're after him or they would have nabbed him by now." Sam glanced at Alta and she nodded in return.

"You found her." Dean cut his eyes to Alta and then to Sam. "You ok?"

"I'm fine… better." Sam gave Dean a reassuring nod and clap on the shoulder. "She helped me… and we _need_ her. Did you get up with Bobby?"

"He's on his way but he's at least 8 hours out. We can't wait. I've got to get to Lisa…_ now!"_

"We know who it was. Crowley. We think he tried to nab Alta but… she's a hunter and it wasn't so easy. She got away." Sam looked at her, the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. "I think he's using Lisa and he wanted to use Alta. He wants to get back at us… lure us in…"

"Blackmail us into hunting for him again?" Dean's eyes narrowed. "That's not gonna happen."

"Maybe to kill us."

"That crappy little assbutt. I'm gonna kill him." Dean's face was flushed, his eyes narrowed. He paced the floor.

"How are you gonna do that Dean? We don't have the colt… we don't have Ruby's knife. The best we can do is send his ass back to Hell."

"Yea, well, do you know where he's got Lisa?"

"No, but we're sure Samuel's the one that took her." He turned to Alta. "Do you think he would take her back to the compound?"

"I don't know. It's hard to imagine he could get the whole clan to go along with something like that. It's likely just Samuel and Christian… maybe a few others. They're most likely somewhere else."

"Enough of this." Dean raised his hands and gazed upward. _"Castiel… Cas… I'm praying to you… heavenly… Angel… friend. I need your help."_ The familiar rush of Angel's wings filled the room.

"Dean." Castiel acknowledged his friend. Then he turned his gaze to Sam, his blue eyes intently staring into Sam's hazel ones until Sam's discomfort was obvious and he flinched, backing away from the Angel. "Sam, you look well." He turned his gaze to Alta. She held his gaze, determined not to back down but his eyes seemed to bore deep into her soul and she also backed away. "Alta, I'm glad you're here."

"Ok, Cas. Enough posturing." Dean growled. "We all know you got the biggest mojo in the room. Quit showing it off."

Castiel looked at Dean not quite understanding his comment. "What do you want from me, Dean?"

They told him what they knew. "I will find her." Castiel was suddenly gone and just as suddenly back. "She is with Crowley and Samuel as you surmised. They are in a hidden warehouse on the Campbell compound. There is a contingent of demons surrounding them. Only a few dozen."

"Only a few dozen?" All three humans replied in unison.

"Yes."

"Lisa… is she…?"

"She is… alive."

Dean winced at the Angel's answer. Rage boiled in his gut. "Sam!"

"I'm on it." He was searching through the laptop studying aerial photographs of the compound. "Yatzee!" He pointed out a building on the back edge of the property, tracing the faint outline of what appeared to be a road leading to the building. "We're a couple of hours out."

"Let's roll."

**… … …**

Lisa had never been so terrified. She woke to find herself tied, gaged and locked in a cage. Slowly the fog of the drugs cleared and she began to focus and see beyond the bars. This place was a cavernous room… a warehouse, maybe. It was lined with cages. Some empty, some had people… _no, not people_. Lisa's eyes were wide with fear and she tried to scream but it came out muffled through the gag in her mouth. There were creatures… strange and awful looking. Some of them were bloody and moaning, terrible sounds of pain. Others paced within their cages growling like wild animals. She wondered how a place like this could even exist and why she was here. A miserable place, filled with sounds and smells she couldn't begin to imagine. _I don't belong here. I'm not a monster_. Lisa began to cry, tears streaming down her face; her eyes squeezed shut trying to block out the horrible reality. _Oh God, this can't be real! Dean… Dean!_ His name echoed through her mind like a prayer.

"Well she is a pretty thing." Crowley's voice was possibly the most frightening thing yet in this dismal place, until Lisa opened her eyes to see his grinning face. His smile made her blood run cold. There was no humanity in his face, just pure evil. And beside him, the man who broke into her home and took her.

She swallowed hard against the gag and thought that she had seen her son and her family for the last time. Lisa watched hopelessly as Crowley turned the key and opened the cage door. Stepping in, he began to slowly circle her. Samuel turned his back. He hated to watch Crowley. It was one thing when he tortured monsters and swallowed their souls but he didn't want to witness it with this innocent woman. _God!_ Samuel's eyes rolled heavenward. _I hate this!_ He wondered how much more of this he could stand.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to kill you. Not yet, anyway." He was behind her grabbing a fist full of her hair, pulling her head back. His hot breath flooded across her face. "I'll wait until the Winchesters arrive. You see, the Winchesters have been a royal _pain in my ass_ for a very long time. So, I'm going to take your soul; going to pull it right out of you and I want Dean to watch while you die."

Lisa had no idea that the man being pulled up to her cage by two demons was a shape shifter. In fact, she had no idea the two men doing the pulling were demons. They looked like people. Hateful, evil people. She could see the shifter was weak, beaten and tortured. The fear in her gelled into a hard cold lump in her chest, strangling her so that she couldn't catch her breath. Lisa was an innocent. She'd never seen anything die, certainly not a person. But she watched as Crowley stood before the shifter, slowly sucking the soul from his body. She watched as the shifter's body convulsed and began a long slow keening wale of pain as the glowing mist that was his soul ripped from his body and eased into Crowley. _Oh God! Dean… Dean! _She watched the shifters body go limp as it died and the demons let it drop to the floor. And she watched as Crowley absorbed the glowing soul; a look of horrible bliss crossed his face. He smiled and breathed a deep breath of satisfaction. Lisa saw power radiate from him. She had never witnessed anything so awful… so evil… And she realized that was the way she would die… she gave up to darkness… slipping into oblivion.

**… … …**

The Impala's powerful engine roared as Dean pushed it hard into the afternoon racing to get to the Campbell compound. Sam and Alta followed close behind in the Charger. Sam had the laptop open across his knees and his cell open to Dean while Alta drove. They used the time on the road to formulate a plan. They stopped by the apartment for Alta to pick up her Camaro. Then the brothers waited a couple of miles out from the compound while Alta drove in.

"I don't like this. It's too risky; going to the Campbell's. She has more faith in them than I do." Sam looked to his brother for reassurance.

"Alta felt it was worth it. She wanted to do this." Dean was pacing up and down the length of both cars.

"I know. I couldn't talk her out of it." Sam was worried but Dean was like a caged animal.

"I'm gonna kill Christian… Samuel… Hell, I'm gonna kill something… everything I can get to!"

Seeing Dean's anger boiling like this, Sam knew he had to hold his own rage in check. He leaned against the Impala, willing himself to be calm and wait. "Is Cas ready?"

"He'll be here."

**… … …**

Alta walked into the common room at the compound. Her heart was in her throat but she refused to let her fear be seen. Gwyn was the first to notice her. "Alta!" She smiled. "It's so good to see you. God, it's been forever."

"Gwynn, we need to talk." Alta pulled Gwyn to the side and told her everything she knew from the beginning. "I can't imagine that the clan knows about Samuel working for a demon or that Christian is possessed." She could tell from Gwyn's reaction that she had no idea of any of it.

"Are you sure about this?" Gwynn's face was strained. She didn't want to believe.

"You've known me all your life, Gwyn. You know I wouldn't lie… not about this. I'm asking for your help… for Sam and Dean." Gwyn gazed at Alta, weighing the options. "The clan is better than this, Gwynn. You know it is."

"I'll talk to the clan… but, Alta… If you're wrong about this…" Gwyn's eyes were dark and deadly. "…you… Sam… Dean… you're all dead."

"I'm not wrong."

**… … …**

Twenty of the clan along with Gwyn, Alta, Sam and Dean all huddled outside the warehouse in the dark of early evening. Mark, Sam and Dean had done recon of the perimeter. The clan looked to Gwyn. She hesitated. In the absence of Samuel there was no clear leader. Sam seemed to hesitate for only an instant before he stepped up to fill the void.

"OK, we all need to strike at the same time; all directions at once. That way we divide them and weaken their defenses. Dean, you take the front entrance. You, he pointed out five hunters, you, you, you and you. You're with Dean." Dean nodded in response. "Where's your Angel?"

"He'll be here."

"Good, 'cause he can kill Crowley. We don't have the weapons for it and I don't want to leave with him still alive."

"I'm right there with you, brother… believe me."

Sam gave Dean an understanding nod. "I know."

"Gwyn You take the east side. Mark you take the west. Divide up the rest of the hunters and cover every exit, every window, and every door. Make your way inside. Kill everything you can on your way." As he spoke, Sam looked around the group to make eye contact with every hunter. "Salt and holy water will only slow them down. If you kill the host they'll have to smoke out back to Hell but if you take their heads before they can smoke out, they're dead." He motioned toward her. "Alta and I will go in the back." Sam huddled close to the leaders, Dean, Mark and Gwyn. "Wait 15 minutes and then go in." Sam's eyes narrowed, his hand held out in the middle of them striking the air like he was pounding on a table. "_15 minutes... We have to go in together."_ They all nodded in agreement.

Alta and Sam headed off to the back. "We're going in with just two?"

"Yes. We're going in lean." She looked at him, her eyes questioning. "The minute we breach this place, all bets are off. We can't kill Crowley unless Cas shows up. He's too strong. The best we can hope for is to get Lisa out alive but we've got to get to her quick. The others will draw most everyone to fight them. We go straight for Lisa." Sam's hand tightened on the hilt of his machete.

"What about Dean?"

"He's too involved. When we get to her, she's going to be in bad shape. Crowley will want him to fall apart when he sees her. We'll have to hold it together and in the state Dean's in, I'm not sure he can." Sam sighed. "I need him leading the frontal attack."

"Aren't you selling him a little short?"

"If it was you… I don't know if I could hold it together…"

"I know you. You would do it." She was beginning to see the combination of the two Sam's coming together in him. He was a better leader for it.

He seemed surprised and pleased that she had confidence in him. "Well, I know you. And I know we have the stealth to do this… together… We're going to do this."

Sam and Alta slipped in the back by a window that led into a small office. Peering out of the door they spotted Lisa in a cage in a far corner of the big open main room of the warehouse, gagged and tied to a chair. Crowley was standing next to her in the cage and Samuel waited just outside. Sam motioned for Alta and she slipped silently out and around to the side so that she was behind the cage in the darkest corner of the room. Once she had settled and was out of sight, Sam slipped in. His nostrils flared with the stench of old blood, and the scent of numerous creatures. Worse than that was the sense of all the emotions lingering in this wretched place. Fear… pain… anguish… Sam swallowed down the bile retching up into his throat. Within minutes he was at Alta's side and they hunkered down blending into the shadows, becoming invisible. And they waited.

It was time… Dean knelt at the front entrance, picking the lock and praying to Castiel. "_Cas… Where are you? I could use your help."_ His voice was barely a whisper, not wanting the rest of the group to hear. When the lock released he motioned for the rest to follow. Pushing the door slowly open he held his gun ready, going in low and sweeping left to right. The next man came in above him and swept the opposite direction. They were in a small office area with a hallway that led to the main room and offices off to each side. Dean had been out of hunting for nearly a year but the lessons of a lifetime were engrained in his brain and he knew how to make his way down a hall, clearing each office as he went.

"And so it begins." Crowley's eyes danced. "The Winchesters are here." He turned to one of the demons and signaled to him. "Take a group and meet the boys in the front. Make sure you bring the Winchesters to me alive. I don't care about the others." He motioned to Samuel. "You stay with me." Then he turned to Lisa. Grabbing a fist full of hair he jerked her head up. Sam and Alta could hear her muffled cry. They watched in silence as Crowley put his face in hers. They heard the seething hatred in his voice and watched her squirm, desperately trying to block him out. "Time for you to show Dean how you die."

Gwyn and Mark had divided the rest of the hunters and all were climbing into windows and invading the warehouse from all directions. They came in behind the cages that lined the walls. Using them for cover the hunters were able to scatter and fire salt rounds at the demons. Twenty snipers fired at the demons in the warehouse. It was more than Crowley or Samuel had counted on. They never expected the clan to rally against them; never expected that Sam would be able to convince them to go against Samuel. "Alta!" Samuel growled. "She must have got to the others."

"I told you. We should have killed that little bitch long ago." Crowley stepped from behind Lisa and out of the cage, locking it behind him. "Get this under control!" He screamed at Samuel.

Samuel dispersed the rest of the demons to defend against the hunters. He went toward the east side dreading to fight against his own family. Sam motioned to Alta and silently slipped through the shadows to follow Samuel.

Dean and his team had quickly cleared their way down the hall and to the door that led into the large room of the warehouse. They were bottlenecked there with demons defending the entrance. "We're blasting our way through." Dean readied his shotgun and motioned to the others. A well placed kick sent the door flying open with salt rounds immediately filling the opening and blasting into the demons nearest to the door. The hunters made their way through but were caught in the demons power as three of them flung the hunters against the walls, holding them struggling against invisible bonds.

The sudden brilliant light that announced the arrival of the Angel brought a sigh of relief from Dean. Castiel flew at the demons felling two of them. He covered their mouths with his hands capturing them; preventing them from smoking out. He shoved them to the floor, one on each side of him. Power radiated throygh him and down into them, bright white light shined like spotlights from their eyes as the demons dissolved and left the host bodies lifeless. Turning to the third demon he held up his hand and power flew out in an arc of glowing light flinging the demon against the far wall where it fell lifeless to the floor. They were through the bottleneck and the hunters fanned out to continue the fight.

With the invasion of the hunters, the warehouse erupted into pandemonium. Creatures paced in their cages. The deafening sounds of gunshots, screams and howls filled the air adding to the panic and confusion of the demons. Any demon who wandered too close to a cage was likely to be grabbed by the creature they had tortured. The opportunity to exact revenge was driving the creatures wild as werewolves and vampires grabbed and clawed demons through the bars of their cages.

Sam made his way through the chaos, machete in hand. He kept Samuel in sight, struggling to reach him but always one too many steps behind. He came face to face with a huge, hulk of a demon who flung him against the wall before he could get close enough for his machete to be useful. He struggled helplessly against the power of the demon's hold. It came closer grinning and staring at him with his empty black eyes. It was Mark who felled the demon with a blast of salt. Sam fell free, landing in a crouch and springing up quickly to slice through the demons neck. Mark grinned and Sam nodded then turned in time to see Samuel face off with Gwyn.

Dean made his way demon by demon blasting with salt, wounding, putting them out of commission so others could come behind him with machetes. Dean had one thought and that was to get through to Lisa. He had to find her. Making his way toward the back of the room his spotted Samuel and his anger boiled. Dean changed his goal and went after Samuel, heading toward him with singular determination.

Gwyn saw Samuel as he waded into the fray of demons and hunters. She ran toward him, reaching him before either Sam or Dean. Blood covered her face and dripped from her hair. This man had deceived the family… used the clan for evil… the very thing they had fought for generations. Gwyn's teeth showed in a grimace of pure determination. Samuel squared off to face her. His face was drawn, eyes dark and hard. She was his kin… part of his clan… he hesitated. Machete in hand, Gwyn made a hard swing from the side, slicing into Samuel upper arm. The blood quickly soaked through his sleeve and ran dripping on the floor as she pulled the machete free and reared back to land another blow. Pain shot through his arm and into his shoulder dulling any sense of guilt he might have had. He pulled his pistol up and leveled it at her. She ducked but she was not quick enough and he was too good a hunter. She fell, dead. His bullet had hit its mark. He had shot her in the head.

Dean saw the fight and a scream tore from his mouth… "_Sonofabitch!" _He closed the distance between him and Samuel. "You heartless bastard!" He fired point blank into Samuel. Rock salt… it wouldn't kill him, but it would hurt like hell and it would put him down, if only for a moment. As Samuel fell to his knees he looked up at Dean. "Where's Lisa?" Dean's voice was hard, lethal. Samuel eyes narrowed, his lips a tight line, he shook his head, refusing to speak.

Suddenly it was Sam that towered over his crouching form. "You killed your own blood."

"Like you should judge. You've done worse… infinitely worse." He spat out the words like a curse.

"I know what I've done." Sam glared down at him. "I didn't have a soul. What's your excuse?"

It was then, in that moment that Samuel gave up. "Kill me. Put me out of my misery. I'd rather be in Hell." His eyes were soft, pleading. "There's no other way to end this for me."

Dean watched as his younger brother raised his machete, his eyes focused squarely on Samuel, his mouth drawn back with strain and every muscle tense as the moment seemed to freeze into a grotesque picture that he would never be able to forget. The noise, the mayhem, the gunshots, screams… faded to silence and all Dean could hear was the swish of Sam's machete as it sliced through the air and the thunk as it met the skin and muscle and bone of Samuel's neck. Dean knew in that instant that this man would never be Sammy again. And he would never be normal… never be anything other than a hunter.

Castiel unfurled his wings and flapped once, twice… knocking down demons in his wake as he rose above the fray and focused a blow of pure power towards Crowley. It flew out to him in an arc like lightening. But Crowley was filled with the power of the souls he had consumed and he held up his hand shielding himself from the power of the Angel's blow. He flew up toward the Angel emitting a bolt of power into Castiel's chest. The Angel fell back and wrapped his wings around himself to shield him from the power of the King of Hell. But Crowley did not strike again. Instead, he vanished leaving his demons to fend for themselves. And Castiel floated back down to the floor wrapped inside his wings.

As Crowley left the cage, Alta slipped around to the front making eye contact with Lisa and holding her finger to her lip, signaling Lisa to keep quiet. Lisa's eyes were swollen and red. Her panic was obvious. Alta knew the muffled word that came from her lips, hidden behind the gag. She understood it with her heart. "Ben's fine." She mouthed the words, not risking the sound of a whisper. The relief she felt was evident on Lisa's face and she nodded to Alta. Kneeling down Alta laid her machete at her side, took out her lock pick and started working on the door of the cage. It took only moments before the lock popped open and she looked up at Lisa, but her smile faded as she saw Lisa's face, wide eyed in horror; her head vigorously shaking. _No… no… no… _And she turned to face him.

"I got you now… You won't get away from me this time, you little bitch." Christian's eyes slipped and Alta stared into the deep nothingness of his demon eyes. Her hand reached for the machete she'd laid at her side. But he was too fast and his foot stomped down on her hand. She let out a gasp and saw the self-satisfied grin on his face. She was reaching for the holy water in her pocket as he raised his machete high over his right shoulder; his arm stretching and muscles tensing to get the maximum thrust. She knew she'd never make it. The force of his blow would kill her. She curled herself up and rolled over the foot that held her hand. At the least she would be a moving target. It was her only hope. But as she looked up she saw Sam's machete slice cleanly through his neck and as Christian fell Sam came into view, heaving heavy breaths. He looked at Alta and nodded then held his hand out to help her up. She grabbed her weapon, stepped over Christian's body and went in to free Lisa. Dean entered the cage directly behind her. He stood in front of Lisa holding her up when Alta cut the ropes that held her to the chair.

Dean gently removed Lisa's gag and reached his arm under her knees picking her up and carrying her out of the cage. Sam held out his bloody machete, pointing toward the back door. "Get them out." Alta nodded and watched as he turned and headed back into the middle of the fight. It seemed that the Campbell's would not stop with just getting Lisa out alive and they were doing much better than Sam had expected.

**… … …**

Sam stood in the midst of the carnage that was left of the warehouse. Bodies were strewn everywhere. Castiel had left to go back to heaven and recover his strength. Dean had taken Lisa back to his apartment and the hunters were sifting through the bodies to check for survivors. Some of the bodies were Alta's kinsfolk. People she had hunted with… known all her life. She wandered through the warehouse, mourning the dead.

She felt as much as heard Sam's heavy sigh and she looked to see him level his gun at the first creature… locked in a cage… unable to run… unable to defend itself. Sam pulled the trigger. Silver bullet to the heart and the werewolf dropped… dead. He moved to the next cage. A ghoul… Sam pulled the trigger… head shot. She walked over and stood beside him. He looked down at her and shook his head. "Warehouse full of monsters. Can't keep 'em. Can't let 'em go."

"I know." She saw the remorse in his eyes. She moved to draw her pistol.

"No." He reached out and held her hand keeping her from drawing her gun. "I've got it." He moved to the next cage.

_**TBC**_

_**Please comment and review… I love to know what you think.  
><strong>__**Many thanks to those who comment. I love you guys!**__** Many thanks to those who favorite and alert my story. I do this for me… but I also do it for you.**_


	28. Chapter 28

Family Secrets: Part two – chapter 8

_**They flutter behind you your possible pasts**_

_**some bright-eyed and crazy some frightened and lost**_

_**A warning to anyone still in command**_

_**of their possible future to take care**_

_**in derelict sidings the poppies entwine**_

_**with cattle trucks lying in wait for the next time**_

_**Do you remember me? How we used to be?**_

_**Do you think we should be closer?**_

_Your Possible Pasts - (Waters) Pink Floyd_

The heat of the burning warehouse was overwhelming, even from a distance. Sam stood behind Alta, his hands on her shoulders as they both stared into the pyre that held the body of Gwyn Campbell. The orange light flickered across the faces of those gathered, circled around the bodies of their kin. He could feel Alta's deep sorrow and he squeezed her shoulders lightly to let her know he was there and he understood her pain. Four other Campbell's had died in the battle and she grieved for all of them.

They left it to the clan to get the Campbell compound in order. The physical structures could be cleaned, the warehouse and the bodies of the demons and monsters burned, but the damage to the very fabric of the clan was another matter and Alta wondered if they would ever be the same. She wondered if she could ever be a part of the Campbell clan again. Without Samuel, Christian or Gwyn the clan was struggling to find its leader. Alta had refused. They asked Sam to step in and lead the clan. He said he would consider it but he felt he needed to be with Dean, Lisa and Ben until he was sure they were safe from Crowley.

**... ... ...**

Dean had pulled a chair into the bedroom of Sam's apartment and was sitting next to the bed watching Lisa sleep when Sam and Alta got home. He came out to meet them in the living room.

"How's Lisa?" Sam was as worried about Dean as he was about Lisa but he knew… how Dean was… depended mostly on how Lisa was.

"She was hysterical." Dean's voice was shaky. "She finally cried herself to sleep." He looked into Sam's eyes and let out a little nervous laugh.

"You Ok, Dean?" Sam's voice was gentle... sincere. Alta couldn't help but remember the first time she had seen the brothers interact. Then, they had not seen each other for months and Dean had thought his brother was dead and was overwhelmed with joy. Sam had been cold... This time she could see how much he cared for Dean.

"Yea... I think... It's just... I don't know if she's gonna get over this."

"Bobby's here. He's on his way up now."

Bobby brought Kat with him. He had a strong suspicion that she might be needed and she was willing to come on the trip.

"Dr. Wilson, this is my brother, Dean Winchester." Sam introduced her.

"Call me Kat" She smiled at Dean and he thought she just _might_ be the first doctor he _might _actually trust. "I came with Bobby to see if I could be of some help. I understand Lisa has been through quite a lot. Do you mind if I see her."

"Sure." Dean led her into the bedroom where Lisa tossed about in an uneasy sleep.

Kat pulled the chair closer to the head of the bed, then looking up at Dean she said, "I would prefer to examine Lisa alone."

"No. I'm not leaving her." Dean didn't exactly yell, but his voice carried clearly into the living room where Bobby heard and immediately ran into the bedroom followed by Sam.

"Watch your tone, boy! She came here to help and you damn well better be glad!"

"It's ok, Bobby." Kat smiled.

Sam put a hand on Dean's chest and gently nudged him toward the door. "It's ok, Dean. She's very good. She helped me when Alta was injured. You can trust her. I promise."

Dean allowed himself to be guided out of the bedroom and Sam closed the door behind them. Dean turned to Bobby.

"I'm sorry, Bobby. I didn't mean to..." his eyes cut to Sam and one eyebrow rose so that his face was like a big question mark. Sam grinned in return and nodded his head, cutting his eyes toward Bobby.

"Yes! You boys just can't imagine that a person can have a life that doesn't involve you. You don't know everything about me."

Dean slapped him on the back. "God Bobby, she's beautiful."

"Yea, I know."

"She's got class too." Sam smiled, his eyes darting from Dean to Bobby.

Alta came out of the kitchen with beers. She had watched the exchange with amusement.

While Kat was with Lisa; Sam, Dean and Alta filled Bobby in on all the details of the fight in the warehouse.

"Samuel and Christian are dead and as far as I can tell that was the extent of Crowley's control over the clan." Alta glanced at Sam and he nodded in agreement.

"Yea I'm pretty sure the clan is clean again. But Crowley is still walking and talking."

"He did a number on Cas. Wonder how that happened?" Dean shook his head. He had been sure Castiel could kill Crowley. So had Sam.

Bobby was the type to take in all the facts before he weighed in on the matter, so when he did speak the brothers tended to listen. "Well, Crowley turned tail and ran. I'm thinking that means he'll probably lay low for a while and regroup. But he's not the type to quit. It seems once he's decided on a grudge he sticks with it to the end and apparently he's got a major grudge against all three of you."

"So he'll keep rearing his fugly head until we kill him?"

"Looks like." Sam answered.

"He's not the type to make a frontal attack. He won't want to dirty up his hands. He'll get reinforcements and he'll come at you sideways… try to catch you off guard. Seems to me we need to find out what he was doing capturing all those monsters."

"Amusement?" Sam offered.

"I don't think so. Crowley's twisted." Bobby ran his hand over his beard. "No doubt about that but that's a lot of work just for fun. There's something else to it. Finding out what he's using the monsters for is probably the key to finding Crowley."

Everyone turned to look as Kat opened the bedroom door. She stepped out and motioned for Dean to come in. When he entered, Lisa was sleeping peacefully. He had been so distraught, his emotions a direct reflection of Lisa's as she alternately cried and screamed. He hadn't really seen the bruises on her face. But when he did see the angry blue and purple spreading across her left cheek he paled and wondered what other wounds were hidden under the comforter.

"I sedated her so she should sleep peacefully. She has some ugly bruises and a few scrapes but physically she fine." Kat smiled and placed a hand on Dean's arm to reassure him. "But mentally... she's taken quite a beating. I understand she's not a hunter. She's a civilian?"

"Yea." Dean was overwhelmed with guilt. _I did this. I got her mixed up in this. I should have known better. I should have known! _

"I'm sorry." Kat could see the guilt and blame playing out across his face. "She's likely to have some PTSD. You know what that is?"

"Yea, post-traumatic stress... I've got a bit of that myself."

"Most hunters do, though they don't generally admit it. And they don't deal with it in the same way civilians do… She won't be able to push it away and ignore it like you… like hunters do." Kat leaned forward to catch and hold Dean's eyes. "She will need you to be strong, Dean. You can't do that if you are blaming yourself. Nobody is blaming you."

"Did she tell you... what he did to her?" He swallowed hard against the knot in his throat. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He knew she would need to talk about it. She always wanted to talk about her feelings. But the Winchesters never talked about their feelings... Well… except Sammy... But even Sam wasn't Sammy anymore and he didn't think the man Sam had become would be any better at it than he was.

"She told me some of it. But it will likely come out in bits and pieces over time."

"Over how long...?"

"It's different for different people, Dean." Kat continued to give him sympathetic smiles. Her voice was low and calm. "She should sleep through the night. If she doesn't I'll give you some pills to give her... for anxiety… and that will help. But if she wants to talk... just try to listen and let her talk. I'll be back in the morning." She waited for a response. Dean's face was strained with worry. "If you need me, you can call Bobby's number. We'll be nearby."

"Thanks, Kat."

"It's late. You all look exhausted." Bobby laid his arms across Alta's shoulders. His unspoken approval of her being back in Sam's life was obvious and she smiled a silent 'thank you' back to him. "Get some sleep. We'll meet you back here in the morning." He nodded to Sam and stepped up to Dean looking him in the eye. "It's gonna be alright, son." His eyes were full of sympathy and he held Dean's gaze for a long moment. Then he sighed. "Well." He turned to Kat, put his arm around her and guided her toward the door.

"Remember, call if you need me." Kat glanced back at Dean as they left and Bobby closed the door behind them.

"_Bobby, you old dog!"_ Dean muttered softly and grinned at Sam who smiled back broadly at his brother raising his eyebrows, his cheeks dimpling.

"Honestly, you guys!" Alta couldn't help but giggle. "I adore Kat… and Bobby. I think he deserves someone special like her."

"No doubt about that." Sam agreed. "She's got a boatload of class for an old hunter like Bobby."

"Well, he's right about one thing. I'm exhausted." Dean was already at the bedroom door, opening it quietly and peering in. He mouthed back at Sam and Alta. _"She's asleep."_ Then he slipped into the bedroom.

Dean stood looking down at Lisa for a long moment before he slipped under the covers and gently eased up just barely touching her. Her sleepy eyes scarcely opened. "Dean?" She rolled over… he raised his arm and she settled into him, her head resting on his shoulder. He lowered his arm and cradled her in his embrace, his cheek resting on the top of her head. _Lisa… you got a boatload of class for a 'too old… too soon' hunter like me._

Just like that… everyone was gone. And they were exactly where they had been… with unresolved issues. Alta sat on the sofa… in the exact spot she had been… Sam stood gazing out the window… exactly as he had been… and the same questions hung in the air between them.

_If you don't love me… why?_

… _I could know what it feels like to love you…_

… _could you possibly love me?_

Alta had watched him kneel before her begging her to understand… humbled and beaten… and then she'd watched him take control … fought by his side… he did what had to be done… he was focused and decisive… he had radiated power and strength. Sam had become agonizingly complex… beautiful. And she knew that complexity came at a great price. He turned from the window and smiled at her. Suddenly she couldn't bear to look at him. Her eyes dropped to the floor. Her chest burned… her breath was ragged. He watched as she struggled and feared what she might be thinking.

"I know what Bobby said. And he's probably right, but I don't want to leave Dean until I know Crowley's not going to double back and make a counter attack." He walked over to her. "I need to stay here tonight." He bent down and placing a finger under her chin and gently raised her face. "Stay with me." She nodded. She knew there were tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure exactly why. "Good, I'm starving." Not sure what her tears meant, he needed to lighten the mood; change the subject before she said what he feared she might say. And he_ was_ hungry. He could hardly remember the last thing he'd eaten… eggs and toast… way too many hours ago.

They ate cereal and pop tarts and laughed and talked quietly about Bobby and Kat, Dean and Lisa and Ben and the clan. They talked about everybody but themselves. Finally they settled in for the night.

"Do we need to take shifts and watch?"

"No. Come here." He sat on the end of the sofa, stretching his long legs over the coffee table and motioned for her to sit beside him. "I really don't think Crowley will be back tonight. I just wanted to get you to stay." He grinned and waited for her response.

"Where'm I gonna go?" She laughed.

"Right here." He patted the sofa. "You stretch out. Lay your head in my lap."

She laid her head on his thigh. He stroked her hair and then eased himself down until he could rest his head on the back of the sofa. His hand wandered down to lay across her waist.

"This can't be comfortable for you…"

"Shhh… be still… "

Next morning when Dean came into the room to make his way to the kitchen and the coffee maker, he smiled at the sight of his 'little brother'. Sam was clearly too long for the sofa. One leg stretched out across the floor and the other, knee up against the back of the sofa with Alta sleeping on top of him, her head on his chest and her body draped down between his splayed legs. _Maybe he finally found someone who is actually good for him,_ Dean thought. She had stood by them in the fight and she was a good hunter. Maybe, just maybe Sam's 'apple pie' was a little different than everybody else's. Sam stirred when he heard the growling of the coffeemaker. Alta woke when she smelled the coffee.

"Coffee'll be ready in a minute." Dean was pulling mugs from the cabinet. "You got cream and sugar? Lisa likes to 'froo froo' her coffee up."

"Um… Yea." Sam cleared the sleep from his throat. "In the fridge and on the counter, Dean." Alta pushed herself up but Sam quickly pulled her back down against him. "Wait a minute." He whispered to her. She saw a kind of helpless look in his eyes. And as he held her against him she felt the reason he didn't want her to get up… hard against her belly. Her eye brows rose and there was a smirk on her face. _What? I can't help it._ "Just give me a minute." He whispered; his eyes cut toward Dean. Alta snickered and settled back down.

"Ok." She whispered.

Sam's situation was not lost on Dean. _Hell, I'd have a boner too if I woke up with someone like her on my lap!_ "Ok, then." He turned to the refrigerator and swung the door open. "Let's see what we have here for breakfast."

Then Lisa appeared in the doorway. "Morning everyone." Her voice was tentative, but at least she wasn't crying.

Alta heard Sam's muffled sigh and looked up at him. He looked into her captivating green eyes, wide with mischief and her hair tousled all over her head. She blew him a little kiss and a sly smile. Sam's head fell back on the sofa and he let out a loud sigh, not caring who heard it or what they thought. _I am not sleeping on the soft again tonight!_

_**... ... ...**_

When Lisa was ready to talk, it was Alta that she asked for. She came into the bedroom, Lisa had showered and she sat on the side of the bed. Alta noticed the bruises but she also noticed a timid smile.

"I'm sorry I put you and Sam out of your bed."

"It's ok, really. Sam wouldn't fit on the sofa so I made him sleep sitting up and used his lap as a pillow." Alta smiled. "It was a pretty good pillow... A little _hard_, but..." She rolled her eyes and Lisa gave a tiny giggle. Alta saw a little of the Lisa she met at GrayStone Spa just a few months… and a lifetime ago. She was lighthearted and friendly then. Alta had enjoyed spending that time with Lisa.

"How do you do… what you do? How do live with this awful… _stuff_… in your head?" She spat out the word, not knowing what to call it.

"It's who I am, Lisa. It's what I was raised to do." She touched Lisa's hand. "I'm sorry you had to experience that. But when innocent people get hurt… if I can save them… It's what I live for. It's all I know how to do." Lisa seemed to consider her answer for a long moment.

"That man… Crowley…"

"Crowley is a demon. He stopped being a man centuries ago."

"He took that man's soul."

"What?"

"He took that man's soul. He pulled it out of him."

"Wait… can I get Sam and Dean? I want them to hear this. I think it's important. Can you tell them too?"

"I think so. If it will help."

Sam and Dean stood by the bed while Alta sat next to Lisa. "Describe what you saw Crowley doing."

"There was this man… and two other men brought him to Crowley… he looked bad. Like he'd been beaten, t-tor-tortured." Lisa swallowed hard. "They held him and it looked like Crowley just… _sucked_ this glowing light out of him. The man… moaned… oh God, it was _awful_… the sound… and he…" Lisa's voice fell to a whisper. _"He died."_

"Lisa." Dean sat next to her and put his arms around her. "It's ok… you don't have to do this." He was stroking her back and pulling her to him. He wanted to protect her, to ease her pain… to make it go away.

"Dean, let her get it out." Alta spoke softly but Dean glared at her, Sam tensed and Lisa held up her hands to calm them all.

"She's right. Let me finish this." She looked at Dean. "It's important." He nodded.

"This glowing bright light that came out of him… Crowley sucked it inside of him. It gave him power. He kind of… _shined_. He said he was going to take my soul. He was going to pull it out of me and he wanted Dean to watch while… I… I … d…" She swallowed hard once again barely able to whisper "…_while I died."_ She buried her face in Dean's chest. Her body shook with giant sobs. Dean looked up at Sam. His face was an angry knot. Sam looked from Dean to Alta.

"Lisa, you did good." Alta stroked her back. "Thank you for sharing that. You were so strong… and brave." She turned to Sam. "Get some water." Then to Dean. "You have some pills?"

"Yea."

"Get them." She lowered Lisa on the bed. "I think you should rest a little. Kat will be here soon."

"I'm here." Kat spoke up from the door. "What's happening?"

"She just wanted to talk some. It was difficult… but she did really well… it was just… a lot." Alta didn't know exactly what to say. But they needed to figure out the information Lisa had given them and she needed to get Lisa taken care of so that they could talk about this.

"I've got her." Kat motioned to the others. "Go… let me take care of this."

Dean hesitated. He'd done his fair share of nurturing and he didn't want to leave Lisa. Sam put a giant warm hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's ok. She's in good hands." He nudged Dean toward the door. "We need to talk and we need Cas to hear this."

The hunters all huddled together in Sam's living room. Sam, Alta and Dean filled Bobby and Castiel in on Lisa's revelation.

"Souls are the most concentrated power in the universe. Few humans ever understand how to tap that power." Castiel was leaning against the kitchen counter. "Merlin was a master at it."

"Wait… Merlin?" Dean's face was awestruck. "Merlin… the magician… like King Arthur … Merlin? He was real?"

"Yes." Castiel's face showed no emotion. "Not exactly like your legends portray him, but he was quite powerful."

"Back on track." Sam sighed. "So… Crowley is taking souls in to increase his power."

"Yes, it explains how he was able to overpower me like he did."

"What if we could get our hands on the colt or Ruby's knife?" Dean questioned. "We could take him out with one of those."

"Maybe, but he's likely too powerful for the knife. The colt would be the best bet." Bobby was watching Cas intently.

"So do you know where the colt is?" Alta shot a look at Sam. He shrugged.

"The last place I saw it was in Carthage Missouri when I shot Lucifer in the head." Dean paced across the room. Alta noticed Sam's eyes glaze and he seemed to swoon, not enough for everyone to notice, but Alta caught it. His eyes closed, his forehead wrinkled and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

At the mention of his name, Sam felt a sudden flash of unbearable heat and a sharp pain flashed through his head. _God no! I know this pain._ He quickly turned his back to the group. Going to the window he stood, leaning with one hand balancing him against the frame and the other still pinching the bridge of his nose. _Stop… stop… Get away from me… Stay away!_

The pain was gone as suddenly as it appeared. But Sam knew it would be back. "It would be best if we stick together. As we are… where we all live… we're too spread out. This place is too small." He eyed Alta and wondered if she planned to stay with him… and he wondered if it would be fair to ask. He had no doubt he was in for the worst struggle of his life, one that could possibly be the death of him.

"I need some time to talk to Lisa."

"We all need some time to talk this over." Sam's eyes were still on Alta. Her face was unreadable.

_**TBC**_

**Comments are welcomed and appreciated. I love to hear from you.  
>Thanks to all who comment, alert and favorite my story.<strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**Family Secrets: Part Two **– chapter 9

_I don't own supernatural or the SPN characters. Alta and Mrs. Marley are my own characters. _

_**Since now, I dare not ask,**_

_**Any gift from you or gentle task,**_

_**Or lovers promise, nor yet refuse,**_

_**Anything I can give and you dare choose,**_

_**Have pity on us both, choose well,**_

_**On this sharp ridge, dividing death from hell.**_

_**As the Falcon flies**_

_**High into the sky**_

_**The deer chases his shadow.**_

_**There are many mountains **_

_**... over which to fly**_

_**And time is slipping by.**_

_Sharp Ridge by Robert Graves__**.**_

The first thing... The very first thing Sam became aware of was nothing... _Blessed Nothing._

There was no sound. No moaning... no screaming... no crying... Sam no longer heard the sound of the whip or the tearing and slicing as he was slowly ripped apart... the sound of his own voice screaming... or the sound of _His _voice cursing and snarling… or the laughter... _His_ laughter; dreadful, evil, taunting laughter… enjoying Sam's pain…There was only blessed silence.

Sam no longer felt anything... Not the ripping or tearing of his flayed soul... not the constant searing heat or the pealing fragments of soul torn from him… or _His_ hot breath burning across the surface of his soul… not even the constant fear of the pain that was_ always _coming… more and more and more… pain heaped upon pain. There was just blessed numbness.

He no longer smelled the stench of burning flesh... or the putrid smell of sulfur... no smell of death… or _His _breath full of the smell of old, dead blood and rotting flesh.

He was in total darkness. He no longer saw the orange glow of smoldering coals... the blinding flashes of power... pieces of him... his soul… flying away in little sparks with every blow... or the faces... the awful, hopeless faces of the damned. He no longer saw _Him_... _His_ dreadful eyes boring into Sam's head or the twisted cavernous mouth full of razor sharp teeth, pulling and tearing at his soul… shredding it… precious little pieces of him sparkling as they disappeared... lost to the depths of Hell. There was only blessed darkness.

Maybe after all these years with Lucifer, he finally, actually died. Maybe this was heaven... Nothing. Maybe heaven was the peace of nothingness. Sam was thankful. He lay on the ground in the deepest, darkest corner and was thankful… for nothing.

Sam began to realize that he didn't die. He was still alive, but he was free from the cage. He wondered where he was now. What is this dark place... with no light... no sounds... nothing? Is this all that's left for me? Nothing?

It was a long time before Sam would be able to struggle to his feet. He heard Dean's voice.

_"We're not hunting anymore. Remember?" "We've done enough. Given enough." _

_Yes. You're right. _

But he didn't have the strength to speak. He couldn't move. He was too weak. And so he listened. He listened for weeks... for months... before his flayed soul began to heal and he was able to move his broken self...

When Sam was finely able to move, he reached out to the one that was at the wall.

_He's strong. He will help... save me. Take me with you._

_**No… stay away… don't touch me… Don't touch me!**_

Sam pulled back into the darkness. Wounded, alone... hopeless.

**… … …**

Dean and Lisa went back home and began to pack and prepare to move to Sioux Falls. Sam would move there as well and he hoped that Alta's silence meant that she would move with him… that she would stay with him. They were finally alone again… alone with the unanswered questions between them.

Sam Winchester was no longer afraid of much, but he was afraid of what this little woman would do to him if she said she didn't want him… if she said she no longer loved him. "Alta?" He hesitated and cleared his throat. She faced him, watching; her crystal green eyes boring into him. He had followed those eyes… searched for them across half the country. Not knowing who they belonged to but knowing that everything… _everything_ depended on finding her. "Will you stay with me? Will you go with me to South Dakota?"

She waited and in that short hesitation his heart pounded. _I don't deserve you, but I want you. You deserve better, but it's all I have to offer… just me… broken and needy. Please… I don't want to live without you… I've tried. _Her heart pounded. Somehow she knew this was more than just a simple yes or no. Sam had changed… was incredibly more complicated… maybe more than she could deal with… _You need more than I have to give… but it's all I have to offer… just me… road weary and broken. _She looked at him… waiting… hardly breathing. How could she say no… she didn't want to live without him… she'd already tried.

Sitting at the wall, Sam felt him reaching out to her... He saw the crystal green eyes... auburn hair... beautiful smile...

_She loves him... he loves her... _

_No one to love me... There was only Lucifer... only evil... hate... pain... alone... _

_He pushed me away…_

"Yes, of course." She smiled. _But I will not say it Sam, not until you do._ He let out a sigh of relief and felt awkward for it.

Neither Sam nor Alta had much in the way of 'stuff' to pack. Sam maintained the life of a nomad with no more possessions than he could fit in his car. He was raised on the road and it was the life style he was accustomed to. Alta didn't have many more possessions than Sam, just a few odds and ends. She spent most of her spare cash on weapons and ammo, what she considered to be the essentials. So they had little to pack but Sam insisted they take the paintings, the dark riversides with the ancient trees and the little empty boat. He said he liked them. They reminded him of her and they would make their new place like home.

It didn't take much longer for them to pack to move than it did for them to go on the road for a hunt. So they were headed out of town within a couple of hours. He headed south instead of west.

"I want to go to South Dakota by way of Missouri."

"Carthage?" Alta eyed Sam. "You mean to look for the colt."

"Yea, it'll take Dean and Lisa a couple of days to pack up all their things and move, so we have plenty of time and Carthage is the last place we saw the colt. So I'm thinking it's the place to start."

"Sounds like a plan." they rode in silence for a while. Alta was on the laptop searching for a place to stay in Carthage. She opted for a Bed and Breakfast near the historic down town area.

"It's a little fancier than our usual hang outs."

"Yes I know, but we deserve it after what we've been through lately. You just have to learn how to treat yourself to something special once in a while." Alta was smiling at him.

_I always thought about her eyes but I never thought about how beautiful her smile is. _He was taking quick glances at her trying to keep his eyes on the road as well. She noticed his looks.

"What?" Alta reached over and gave him a gentle shove on the shoulder.

"Nothing... I was just thinking..."

"Yea? What about?"

"About how beautiful you are and how I never noticed until..." He seemed to be searching for the right words. "...until I got my soul back." He huffed out a little chuckle. "What a weird thing to say."

Alta blushed. "Thanks... I think, I mean... You didn't think I was pretty before?"

"No… It's not that... I guess I just didn't think about it before. But I do now."

"That's sweet." Alta was watching Sam, a dreamy look in her eyes. "I've missed this."

"What?" He gave her a quizzical look.

"Going on the road, hunting with you."

"Taking out Samuel and Christian wasn't enough for you?"

"Don't remind me!" She sighed. "But that was more like a vendetta not just a normal hunt."

"Yea, it was pretty intense."

**... ... ...**

"Dean, I like it here. I don't wanna move."

"Ben, we talked about this. It's the best thing for all of us." Dean hated to uproot the family. It reminded him too much of his own childhood... always moving... It was not that he had minded moving. He'd liked it... was always ready for the next place... the next hunt. But he knew that was why he'd never even considered anything but hunting and he promised himself he would not make Ben live that way. He wanted Ben to have a sense of home... to be connected to a place. To have choices. And he promised himself they would not move again. They would be safe in Sioux Falls. They would be close to Sam and Alta and Bobby, all good hunters and there was safety in numbers.

"But I have all my friends here and I'm on the soccer team. Why can't Sam move back here? I liked it when he was living here."

"Ben." Lisa was at the kitchen door. "You will make friends in Sioux Falls and Sam and Alta will be living nearby. All I ask is that you give this a chance." She was calm and logical, dealing with Ben's fears. She knew her son and she knew how to rule with gentle guidance. Dean loved the way she handled Ben. So different than the way he had been raised… with strict discipline.

Ben looked from Dean to Lisa and he knew it was hopeless. He was out numbered and it wasn't like he had a choice anyway. "I wanna go to the park for a little while."

"Alright but just for a couple of hours." Dean laid a comforting hand of Ben's shoulder. Ben was quickly out the door and on his bike headed for the park.

"Lisa, I'm sorry for all this. It's my fault." Dean's face was full of guilt and needing her to understand… needing her to forgive.

"Don't, Dean. It's not your fault. You didn't do this." She gave him both understanding and forgiveness.

"I should have known something would happen because something _always_ happens."

"Stop it. I don't want to talk about it." Lisa's eyes closed tight and she held up her hand to Dean as if she was shielding herself from a punch in the face. "I just want get past this. I don't want to analyze it." She could only face her pain a little at a time. The ordeal had shifted her understanding of the world. She always looked for the good; always felt there was good in everybody. Now she knew there was real evil in the world… had been face to face with that pure evil. She was changed… her innocent view of the world was forever shattered.

Dean let it go but he couldn't help watching Lisa as she packed the kitchen for the move. Her movements were stiff and she looked tired. He hadn't seen her smile since Samuel and Christian took her and he missed her warmth; her openness and easy manner. He wondered if she would ever be the same. Worst of all, he didn't know what to do to make it better.

**... ... ...**

Ben took out the butterfly knife Sam had given him and he began to practice the moves he learned. He moved through the routine smoothly almost like a dance. He had been practicing in this secluded corner of the park every day since Sam had taught him to use the knife. As he practiced he began to feel better about the move. He began to think about training to be a hunter. He wished Dean would train him but Dean had already made it clear that he would never go along with Ben becoming a hunter. But he knew he could talk Sam into teaching him and they would be living close to Sam... Close enough to for him to train.

**… … …**

Sam and Alta arrived at the Grove Park Bed and Breakfast in Carthage late that afternoon. They were greeted warmly by the owner, a middle-aged woman named Mrs. Marley. "Call me Elizabeth." she told them with a warm and welcoming smile.

"I'm Sam." He motioned to Alta. "My wife, Alta… Paderewski." Alta flushed at the words… _my wife_. She'd never really thought about it but she couldn't help the almost frightening feeling that came over her. It sounded so _possessive _when he said it… so _captive_… like she_ belonged_ to him. She tried to smile like someone who was comfortable with that… like a bride would be. It set off a whole chain of confused feelings in her.

"Our Hawthorn Room is available. It's the perfect suite for a romantic getaway." Mrs. Marley winked at Sam and he smiled, his dimples and the slight blush on his face made her think he was shy and sweet. "You look like newlyweds."

"Almost a year." Sam continued the scam with ease. He smile down at Alta. She smiled back at him and he put his arm around her and pulled her close to his side; a possessive gesture that made Alta wonder just exactly how she felt.

"How sweet. Well, let me show you to your room." She led them up the grand staircase that worked its way around a large sparkling chandelier. The Hawthorn room was definitely better than their usual fare. The king sized bed dominated the room; the headboard was ornately carved and a lush pale satin comforter covered what was obviously a wonderfully soft bed. There was a fireplace in the corner although it was not cool enough to need it. The dark red velvet drapes framed a two person Jacuzzi tucked in the corner opposite the fireplace. "I'm sure you'll be comfortable here. Breakfast is from 7 to 9 am. If you need anything just call." With that said, Mrs. Marley closed the door behind her and left the 'newlyweds' alone.

"Paderewski? Where did you come up with that?" Alta laughed.

"It is a Polish sir name… for real." Sam rolled his eyes and laughed. "I got it off the internet."

"I kinda like it. I'm not sure if I think you look Polish." She gazed at his face, his hazel eyes, his thick, dark hair, finely chiseled jaw, noble nose. "Maybe polish royalty." She laughed.

"Well I feel like royalty in this room." He cut his eyes toward the Jacuzzi. "Shall we?"

"I can't wait."

The Jacuzzi did wonders to ease tired muscles that had been knotted for longer than either Sam or Alta could remember. The hunts, the long hours on the road all melted away in the hot, soothing jets of water.

Sam snuggled into the soft bed. The sheets were crisp and cool the cover fluffy. It was nothing like Sam was used to. He waited for Alta to come out of the bathroom. When she did he held up the covers for her, resting on his side, his strong muscular body creamy against the snow white sheets; the soft whisper of hair across his chest, his warm smile and soft eyes invited her in. She slipped in beside him and he wrapped his warm body around hers.

Alta sank into the soft mattress and looked up into Sam's face. She felt willingly caught in a velvet trap… consumed… his lips soft over hers… his hands caressing her body in light touches. His fingers played across her neck and down her sides and moving to cup her breasts and tease her nipples with playful pinches and tugs. And his mouth followed… as his hands moved down across her belly, his mouth embraced her breasts. He felt her breathing quicken as he touched her body and nipped at her nipples scraping them gently with his teeth and sucking them into his mouth soothing with his tongue. He could feel the heat building in her and it fired his desire for her.

Alta's hands moved across his shoulders feeling the hard muscles beneath his skin as she caressed him sliding her hands down his arms, then across his chest. Her fingers spread fire along his body as she wandered down across his belly. She ran her fingers through the coarse hair at his center and stroked his swollen hard erection. She watched as his eyes closed and he sucked in a moan, arching his back and hunching into her embrace His hand splayed over her belly and ran through her hair, a long finger slipping into her lips exploring… dipping into her… a second finger filling her… finding her wet center and moaning at the silky hotness of her. She opened to him as he ran his wet fingers across the excited bundle of nerves at her center, the fiery touch spreading through her body. He grasped her face watching her as he entered her.

She felt him hard and smooth. As he entered her she felt her body stretch to embrace him. He felt her hot wet embrace and watched her face, her eyes soft and half closed gazing at him… unable to focus… her mouth, opened and gasping through lips swollen with desire. "Oh yes, Alta… my Alta." She grasped his arms felt his strength as he buried himself into her. "So hot… so good…" She pushed against him and arched to pull him deeper into her. He laid his arms on either side of her head kissing her eyes, her mouth and thrusting… a long slow rhythm. He was on her… in her… around her… she felt white hot burning deep in her center. She was drowning… burning… suffocating… gasping… She couldn't breathe… couldn't think… He watched her struggling… felt her passion… held her tight. He turned her head with his chin and whispered in her ear. "Come for me…" He drove into her deeper… harder… faster. "Do it for me, baby… come…"

When his hands drifted down to grasp her hips and pull her to him she thought she would fly apart. "Oh… Sam!" His name ripped from her soul as she fell… her body shuddering sweet surrender to him. He felt her trembling through her body and into his and he rose up to watch her as he thrust to intensify her orgasm. The beauty of her was more than he could take.

She grabbed his arms and felt him shaking with the power of his orgasm, his eyes closed, his soft moans became growls and he strained against her until his body seized and she felt him drained… his hot juices burning in her. His mouth covered hers… soft swollen lips moving over soft swollen lips.

He lowered himself beside her and pulled her against him, spooning her to him… his body wrapped around her… her head tucked under his chin. He gave a heavy sigh. "I love you." He said it so simply. But he'd never said it before and she'd waited so long to hear it. Tears slid down her face and she wiggled around to look up into his face. He rose up on one arm and looked down at her. "It's true. I love you so much, it hurts."

**… … …**

Sam booked their room for another night and after breakfast they headed out the next morning to the field where he had last seen the Colt. The earth still bore the wound... the mass grave where Lucifer buried the sacrifices and summoned Death. The bright morning sun shone on the red dirt making it seem like blood pouring out of the heart of the world.

"Lucifer had all the men possessed by demons" Sam waved his hand across the area where the men stood before Lucifer. Then he turned to the raw earth and his hand waved over it. "He sacrificed the women and children as part of the ritual to raise the Horseman, Death." A cold shiver ran up Alta's spine. Sam's face was stoic and hard. It didn't show the pain he felt remembering how they had hoped to kill Lucifer and end his quest to possess Sam. They hoped to save the world from the apocalypse. They had hoped... but they failed.

Sam walked to one side of grave and stood. "Here is where Dean shot Lucifer in the head. He fell, but the colt was not able to kill him. The wound healed and he flung Dean over to that tree." He pointed to a large oak and then his hand swept across the ground near his feet. "The colt fell out of Dean's hand somewhere near here."

Alta watched as Sam went through the process of remembering. He moved through the motions like he was performing a dance; his hands moving gracefully, his body turning first this way then that, as he concentrated on the memory and told the story like he was reliving it.

Alta watched Sam standing at the edge of the wounded earth that was the mass grave of the innocents, staring down at it as if he could see through the dirt and into the earth. He was suddenly silent. His face became flushed, his eyes wide. Sweat ran down in rivulets from his forehead. His breath came in gasps. His hands trembled as he held them over the grave.

Sam smelled the stench of sulfur and burning flesh that swell up from the earth in this place. He watched as the face of Lucifer loomed before him. The dark empty eyes bore into him burning into his soul. Sam felt _His_ hot breath blowing across his face; saw the hatred and the hideous evil in _His_ face. He couldn't bear to look at it but couldn't look away.

_"I will make you pay for this. You will suffer... forever... I will never let you die." _

Sam was caught, trapped… unable to focus on anything but that face… those words. He could feel himself being drawn down… down into the depths of Hell. But Sam could hear her voice. He tried to focus on Alta; tried to follow her voice... He felt her grab his arm... felt himself leaning on her... she was leading him out...

_I had no one to help me... no one... help me!_

_**No! Stay away... You'll kill me...**_

_You left me to die... You pushed me away... But I am you... you are me... You will have to take me in..._

_**No... I can't...**_

_You will… you have to._

The sharp pain that ripped through Sam's skull was beginning to become far too familiar. But it was a blessing as it brought him back to the here and now... back to Alta trying to hold him up and get him into the car. He stumbled into the passenger seat. "I got it." his voice was weak, barely a whisper. Alta spun out onto the highway and made it quickly back to the Grove Park B&B. She needed to get him inside where she could assess him and figure out what was going on. She grabbed the med kit from the trunk on her way around to the passenger side and then opened the door for Sam. "Come on. Let's get you inside."

Sam leaned heavily on Alta as they came into the front room of the B&B. Mrs. Marley met them at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh, my!" She looked terrified. "What's wrong?"

"Migraine." Alta answered. "I need to get him to the room where it's dark and quiet."

"Let me help you." Sam struggled up the impossibly long staircase with the two women supporting him. He couldn't remember ever feeling so weak, so drained. Once inside the door Alta quickly shifted his weight to herself and motioned the confused and worried Mrs. Marley out the door.

"I've got him. Thank you… I can take it from here."

Mrs. Marley reluctantly let Sam's full weight fall on Alta. _She's strong for such a little thing_. "If I can get you anything…" She closed the door behind her and Alta realized that she was not as able to bear Sam's weigh as she thought. He'd gone completely limp and they both dropped to the floor.

Sam felt the nausea building in his gut and unable to stand, he began to crawl to the bathroom. He would have been embarrassed if his nausea wasn't so overwhelming that it left no room for any other feeling. Alta helped to pull him along but he pushed her back and slammed the door just before he hung his head over the toilet and heaved and retched until he was empty and exhausted.

Alta heard him as he struggled with the nausea, vomiting and gagging. She stood with her back against the closed door, trembling and afraid. When Sam had been silent long enough for her to know he was empty, she opened the door to find him still hugging the commode. She wet a towel and crouched down beside him wiping his face to clean and sooth him. "Come on. Let's get you to bed. Can you stand?"

"Yes, it's better now."

Alta settled Sam in the bed. He sat with his back against the headboard, pillows stuffed behind him while she sat at his side. "Take these… pain pills." She handed him a bottle of water but refused the pills.

"What happened, Sam?"

"I don't..."

"Yes, you do. Don't lie to me! Tell me, Sam... Please. Just tell me what's going on."

Sam watched her for a moment but the silence felt like hours to Alta. He didn't know which was worse, to leave her in the dark wondering what was going on or for her to know. _If she knows..._

"It was a memory... from the cage, I think… I don't know." Sam sighed "I saw Lucifer... not the vessel that Dean and I saw and shot but Lucifer himself... without a vessel... like he was in the cage. It seems there's more to me than the two sets of memories already together. There's another set of memories."

"The memories from Hell... from the cage." Alta's voice was barely a whisper and she shuddered to think that those memories could only get worse. They looked at each other for a long moment, the awful truth hanging between them.

Sam closed his eyes, his head fell back on the headboard and he let out a long sigh. "I wish they'd left me like I was. I don't want those memories." He didn't open his eyes... wouldn't look at Alta. He didn't want to see fear, worry or worst of all... pity on her face.

"You think the wall is crashing or that the part of you that was in Hell will force his way through the wall... Like you did?"

"Yes. It will only get worse from here."

Mrs. Marley came with sandwiches and homemade soup. Alta thanked her and after they ate they decided to forgo another night. They agreed that to stay now would ruin the memory of a perfect night and promised each other and Mrs. Marley that they would come back again. Eight hours later they were at Bobby's.

**… … …**

Sam was alone in an abandoned warehouse on the edge if Sioux Falls. He paced around the circle he'd made. A large sigil lined with bowls of herbs and candles. He stopped at the largest bowl and taking out a silver knife he looked down at his extended hand, palm up. It wouldn't be the first time he'd sliced into his own flesh but he thought it might be the most important. After only a slight hesitation, he pulled the knife across the surface of his palm, squeezing it shut and watching as his blood dropped onto the herbs.

When there was a sufficient amount of blood, he took out a book of matches, lit one and dropped it on the bloody herbs. It flared waist high, the light flickering across Sam's face. His expression was grim. His lips tightly pressed together, his eyes narrowed and focused on the flame. He waited…

There was a sudden rush of Angel's wings and a deep booming voice. "What do you want from me, Sam Winchester?"

"Balthazar?"

"Yes. It is I. What do you want?" The Angel stood before him. Power radiated from him like the rays of the sun and Sam winced at the brightness.

"You put the wall in my head?" He questioned even though he knew the answer.

"Yes."

"I remember begging you not to do it. I didn't want my soul back but you crammed it into me anyway." Sam's eyes were narrow, his face hard and accusing.

Sam's threatening stance had no influence on the Angel. "Yes. It seems you've done well so far. You've combined your memories and by doing so, you've gained much."

"I'm thankful for that. But…" Sam hesitated. "I don't want the memories… the ones left behind the wall."

"You are afraid of the memories of Hell." Balthazar's face softened and the bright light of his power faded until he looked like just a man… a gentle man.

"Yes." Sam sighed, his face suddenly pleading. "I don't want them… those memories. They will kill me."

Balthazar sighed. "They might. But you have great strength. You are stronger that you ever were."

"Make the wall stronger! Keep those memories behind the wall!" Sam pleaded. "I don't want to remember."

"The wall is strong. You came through because you are stronger." Balthazar sighed. "I wish I could help you, but I've done all that I can. You will either be strong enough to keep the memories behind the wall or strong enough to embrace them… if you are neither then it would be better to be dead."

"Am I strong enough?"

"I can't tell you."

Sam walked away from his encounter with Balthazar deep in thought. It was a long shot at best but he had hoped. And his hopes were dashed. He knew himself. Now that his soul was awake behind the wall, _he_ would not be satisfied to stay there. _He _would find a way to get out. And then Sam would have to face those memories. He shuddered at the thought.

_**TBC**_

_**You know I love to hear what you think. I love to read your comments. Thanks to everyone who comments, alerts and favorites my story. You make my day!**_


	30. Chapter 30

**Family Secrets: Part two** – chapter 10

_I don't own SPN or the characters. Alta and Kat are my own creations. This story is all just for fun. This chapter is a bit of fluff. The characters are exhausted and need some time to settle in their new homes, supernatural style, of course. _

_**When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this.**_

_**When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this.**_

_**When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss,**_

_**Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this.**_

_**When you don't need an answer, there'll be days like this.**_

_**When you don't meet a chancer, there'll be days like this.**_

_**When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit,**_

_**Then I must remember there'll be days like this.**_

_**When no one steps on my dreams, there'll be days like this.**_

_**When people understand what I mean, there'll be days like this.**_

_**Well my mama told me there'll be days like this.**_

_Days Like This – Van Morrison_

**… … …**

Sam left it up to Alta to rent an apartment for them. "Whatever you like, I'll like." he told her. They both tended to prefer function over form and they needed something out of the way… not a lot of nosey neighbors to drop by or watch comings and goings; so, no apartment complexes and no overly curious landlords. It had taken her a few days but she found something that should fit their needs. The owners lived out of town and so they would deal with a realtor who wouldn't be around as long as the rent was paid. The fact that it was close to Bobby's; within walking distance was a plus. She texted Sam the address and he said he would meet her there.

The realtor was a tall thin man with a mop of unruly black hair and bushy eyebrows. He seemed nice enough but hardly curious about the possible renters. It was obvious he would be glad to get the place rented and off his 'to do list'. He glanced at his watch and then back at Alta with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure he'll be along soon." Alta held his gaze and returned the smile. "Perhaps you could leave me the key and after my friend arrives and we look the place over, I can drop by your office.

He plopped the key in the hand she held out for him and made a bee line for the door. "That'd be fine. The address and phone number are on my card. Take your time." His grin was much broader as he made his exit and left Alta to herself. She walked through the little house again. It was a two bedroom cottage that was clean and things were in good repair. It sat off the road, shielded by trees; nicely secluded. Not much of a yard, which meant they would not need to keep up a lawn. It had both a front porch and a back deck; a decent kitchen with new appliances and it was furnished… ready to move in.

When Sam arrived she met him on the front porch. "Cute." Alta could tell his mind was somewhere else.

"It's two bedrooms, so if we have a 'situation', we have a spare bedroom and no one has to sleep on the sofa." She thought he might remember his 'situation' when they had to sleep on the sofa at his last apartment. But it didn't make an impression on him.

"So, when do we move in? Today?"

"Sam you haven't even been inside. What's up with you?"

"I told you; If you like it, I'm good."

"Something's wrong." She reached to take his hands and gazed down at the cloth wrapped around his left hand. He made a move to pull his hand away but stopped and let her remove the cloth and reveal the wound across his palm. She looked up at him. He stared down at his hand in hers. "Sam?" She waited for an answer.

"It's nothing."

"It was a ritual." She knew exactly what it was. The sign was too obvious. "What did you do?" He continued to stare at his hand. He would not meet her gaze. "Sam, damn it! Be honest with me. What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter. It didn't work." His eyes finally met hers. "There's nothing you can do. Why should you be involved?" He could see the anger flaring in her eyes. She knew he would not offer her an explanation until he was ready. So she decided to let it slide for now.

"Well it looks clean but it's pretty deep. It needs more than a cloth wrapped around it. Did you disinfect it?"

"Not yet." He sighed. She was right. He should be honest with her. "I summoned Balthazar to try to get him to make the wall stronger." He gave another heavy sigh and dropped into a rocking chair. She sat in the one next to him. He slumped forward, his arms draped across his thighs, looking down at his wounded hand. "I don't want to face those memories. Balthazar said that I would either be strong enough to keep the memories behind the wall or strong enough to embrace them…" Sam swallowed hard. "If I can't do either, I'll be better off dead." He looked at her. "I shouldn't drag you into this. I'm afraid it's just getting started and it's gonna get worse… a lot worse." Sam's eyes closed. He hung his head. He couldn't bear to look at her. "If you don't want to stay with me, I understand."

"I want to stay." She laid her hand on his arm. "Sam, I know you. I have faith in you. Even if you're not sure, I am. You'll be strong enough to do whatever it takes."

"You don't understand. That little flash back in Carthage was just the start and I've never felt any pain that bad." He winced from the memory. "It almost killed me."

"Well, you can't face this alone, Sam." She bent down to catch his eyes as he continued to stare at his hands. She made him look at her. "I'm in this for the long run." She took his hand. "I'll get the med kit. Let's get that hand disinfected and bandaged properly." She rolled her eyes, grinning at him. "Seems fitting that the first thing we do in our new place it to patch up a wound." He smiled, his dimples showing. It was a grateful smile.

_She understands… like no one else would. How did I get so lucky?_

**… … …**

Lisa had found a house she wanted to buy in Sioux Falls. It met all her expectations; nice neighborhood, good school, nice yard with a backyard barbeque and plenty of room for Ben to practice soccer. There was a park nearby and she liked the layout of the house. But she refused to make an offer until Dean had thoroughly examined the house and was sure there were no ghosts, poltergeists or any other 'creepy supernatural things'. So Dean and Sam did a walk-through of the house. Dean checked for EMF and they both checked for any other signs they could find.

"You know there's no way we can guarantee that the house is clear." Sam idly ran his hand across the counter next to the kitchen sink.

"Yea, I know but we'll just do the best we can." Dean searched through the cabinets, not sure exactly what he was looking for.

"Is she getting any better?" Sam ran his fingers along the window sill and brought them up to his face, rubbing them together gazing at the dust he'd picked up and sniffing for sulfur residue.

"I think so. It's not been very long. And the whole thing was traumatic for her. She's not used to the supernatural." Dean stopped searching the cabinets to face his brother. "Did you and Alta find a place?"

"Yea, she found a little house near Bobby's. We moved in this morning. That's why she's out now shopping for sheets and towels and stuff."

"God, we had to pack up all that crap and move it from Michigan… along with furniture and boxes of dishes and boxes of stuff and boxes and boxes." Dean's head was bobbing up and down and his eyes rolling to the ceiling. He shook his head. "I never knew a person could be so attached to so much stuff."

Sam snorted a laugh. "We brought a couple of paintings."

"Well, watch out when she gets home. She's shopping with Lisa now and there's no telling what Lisa will talk her into getting." Dean grinned at his unsuspecting 'little' brother who gave him a quizzical look. "You have no idea, Sammy. Wait until Lisa turns Alta into a domestic diva." Dean laughed at the thought of Sam being domestic. But then he thought… _It was Sam that always wanted normal._ Dean couldn't remember exactly when it changed; he became the one who wanted normal and Sam became the one who only wanted to hunt.

"Alta's not the domestic type. She's just after the basics; towels, sheets and a coffee maker." Sam liked Lisa and he had come to respect her gentle nature and the comforts of the home she made for Dean and Ben but he was glad that Alta was a hunter and shared the life with him. It made things so much easier.

"Do you ever think about settling down; giving up the life and making a home with a wife and maybe kids?" Sam let out a laugh but he cut it short when he saw the thoughtful look on Dean's face. He was serious. "I like it. I like that Lisa makes the house all…" he was searching for a word… "Fluffy…" was the best he could come up with. "Everything matches and the kitchen has a theme; the plates all match…" He didn't know exactly how to explain what it was. "It's like a real home."

"Like a normal life… like 'apple pie'?" Sam questioned. He knew what it was Dean was feeling. It was exactly what he'd wanted his brother to find; exactly what he knew Dean had been longing for… a family. "Are you thinking of getting married, Dean?"

"I don't know." Dean sighed. "Maybe."

"I think it would be good for you."

"What about you, Sam? I kinda hoped you might be able to settle down and have 'apple pie' too. Maybe go back to school… have a normal life." Dean's eyes were hopeful.

"Dean, I'm good, just like I am." Sam turned and walked into the dining room. How could he think of anything normal when he had the doom of Hell memories hanging over him and the possibility of becoming a babbling pool of Jell-O… better to be dead? "You know the only way to check this place out is to come back at night… see if anything goes down. You kinda have to be around for a while for things to manifest themselves."

"Yea, I know." Dean knew Sam had effectively turned off the conversation about settling down. "Want to come back with me tonight."

"Sure." Sam was thankful Dean had let the 'apple pie' crap go.

**… … …**

"You do _not_ mean to tell me that Sam has never seen you in a dress!" Lisa sounded incredulous.

"We just never went anywhere that I needed to wear a dress." Alta was a little defensive. She had only gone on the shopping trip because she needed some necessities for the new apartment and she thought it would be good for Lisa to get out but she wasn't ready go by herself. And... If Alta was honest with herself, she liked Lisa. There was something about her... about being with her... something Alta had noticed the first time they met at GrayStone. Lisa was so open and honest... almost childlike in her innocence. When she cared for someone, her friendship was unconditional and on top of all that she was so damn feminine. She was everything Alta was not. Alta wanted Lisa to get a little of that innocence back. They had begun a genuine friendship when they were at GrayStone.

"Well, it's a good thing we're shopping. We're going to get you a beautiful outfit. I think we should have a manicure too." Alta was beginning to wonder if this shopping trip was such a good idea. "We'll get your hair done. Maybe an upsweep..." Lisa's hand made a vague sweep up the back of her head.

"No, wait." Alta stopped in the middle of the mall, getting sidelong glances from the people working their way around the two of them. "I don't want to do all that. Just a dress and maybe some shoes that go with it." She looked down at her rather functional boots.

"And I'm going to do your makeup."

"Fair warning… you better not make me look like a clown or a two bit whore!"

"Alta! I know how to do makeup." Lisa pointed to her own face. "Do _I _look like a clown?"

She had to admit that Lisa's makeup was understated and she did look so pretty… maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea. She wondered if Sam would like it.

"We'll make the guys take us some place nice for dinner. They can dress too." Lisa smiled and pulled Alta toward a dress shop.

**… … …**

Sam let out a heavy sigh, closing the laptop and raising his hands in a hopeless gesture. He looked at Dean and then at Bobby. "There's nothing on the house that even remotely looks like it could be haunted. No history of deaths in the house at all."

Bobby nodded his agreement. "I don't see any reason to be suspicious of the house either."

"Well, good. But I'm going back tonight just to be sure and to put Lisa's mind at ease." Dean dropped his head, rolling his eyes heavenward. Bobby and Sam exchanged glances. "What?"

"Well, like they say, _if mama ain't happy_…." Sam grinned.

"Shut up." Dean glared at him, which made Sam laugh out loud. "Just wait." Dean nodded as if he knew something Sam didn't.

"Well then, I'll go with you… just in case."

"You two have fun on your little camp out." Bobby rolled his eyes and snickered.

"I want to go too!" Ben came into the office from the hall. "Where are we camping?"

"We're going on a snipe hunt." Sam clapped Ben on the shoulder and grinned at him.

"Don't try to pull that crap on me." Ben elbowed Sam in the gut; a big grin across his face.

"Language!" All three hunters chimed in unison.

**… … …**

Dean decided that since it was Friday night and it was almost certain there was no chance the house was haunted; Ben could stay with him and Sam overnight at the house. Dean soon regretted it. Ben was so excited about being on a hunt, a stakeout that he couldn't stop chattering and asking questions. It wasn't the questions that bothered him. It was the excitement Ben showed for hunting. Dean didn't like the fact that he was giving Ben a taste for the life.

They began the night sitting in the Impala watching the house from the street. They didn't want to have to come up with a plausible story for the realtor, so they decided they would sneak in later.

"We're on a stakeout Ben." Sam took the opportunity to teach. "This is the time you use your skills of observation. You watch and listen. Memorize the layout." He made an imaginary sweep of the area with his hand. "You have to be very quiet. I don't mean just not talking. I mean you have to try not to move. If you're absolutely still and quiet, you probably won't be seen." Sam spoke softly as he pointed out the things he observed when he was on a stakeout. Places he could hide if he needed them… places a creature could hide… escape routes… He talked about listening to the sounds of the night… what each sound was… and to listen for the sounds that weren't natural. Ben soaked it all in.

In spite of himself and his own misgivings, Dean couldn't help but get into the teaching mode. Watching Sam with Ben brought back memories of Dad teaching and Dean had done his fair share of teaching with Sam. When it was time to enter the house, it was Dean who brought out his lock pick kit and explained what he was doing to a fascinated Ben. As they entered the house, Dean had his gun, loaded with rock salt drawn and ready. He entered low, sweeping right to left with Sam immediately behind and above him, gun loaded with rock salt, sweeping left to right. Ben went in beside Sam with the flashlight. Sam could feel his excitement and he hoped Dean would feel it too, and continue to train the boy. It was so obvious that he was a natural. And he took to training so well.

They cleared the house and waited until morning in silence, listening. This was the hardest lesson, learning to be silent and still for hours. Ben did well and Sam smiled and nodded to him often to encourage him. Dean was proud of Ben in spite of his misgivings. Ben's first stake out yielded nothing and in the morning they deemed the house free of any supernatural element. Lisa could call the realtor and make an offer on the house.

**… … …**

Sam paced the floor at Bobby's. He wasn't sure why he had to wear a suit just to go to dinner or why they were celebrating the fact that Lisa made a bid on a house. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to celebrate when and_ if_ she closed on the house? He was glad Alta was not like that. But Lisa liked that kind of thing and Alta had assured him it was important to cater to her a little bit after all she'd been through. Dean and Bobby passed meaningful grins behind Sam's back as he sighed, paced and pulled at his tie. Ben sat in the lounge chair in his suit. When he let out a snort of laughter he got a warning look from Dean and he quickly stifled the urge to laugh out loud at Sam's discomfort. It seemed everyone knew something Sam didn't.

Kat had come to visit claiming that she wanted to check on Lisa and that Bobby might as well take her to dinner while she was here. Bobby beamed with pride as she sat next to him. He looked quite handsome in his suit and he wrapped his arm possessively around her on the back of the sofa as she curled into his embrace.

Sam froze when Alta and Lisa came down the stairs. Lisa had often made Dean take her out, but on those special date nights Sam had always stayed home with Ben giving Dean and Lisa time together. So seeing Lisa dressed up was no surprise, but he'd never seen Alta like this. She gave 'little black dress' a whole new meaning. Not that Sam had a clue about a little black dress but he liked the one she was wearing. It fit Sam's taste perfectly; simple and elegant. It was form fitting showing off her narrow waist, flat stomach and curvy hips, not to mention shapely legs. Sam thought her strong arms in the sleeveless dress were so very sexy and he wanted to bury his face in her cleavage showing in the low cut V-neckline. Her hair was slightly curled as it fell around her shoulders and he could tell she had just a light hint of makeup that made her eyes sparkle and her lips seem to invite his kiss.

"Ok, Well, Sam… pick your jaw up off the floor and let's get these ladies to supper." Dean smiled at Lisa as he took her hand to guide her out the door. Sam suddenly felt like a teenager on prom night, everyone was watching him with silly grins; everyone except Alta. She was waiting to see his reaction. She had the same look that he did; like a teen on prom night. He quickly closed the distance between them and bent down to put his mouth against her ear.

"You look beautiful." He whispered the words for her alone and breathed in the scent of her before he kissed her neck softly just below her ear. "I wish I'd brought you flowers." Then he stood and took her hand and announced to the room at large, "I think we should make a habit of this."

"Me too." Bobby glanced at Kat. Lisa sent Alta a wide smile and a wink. _Mission accomplished!_

**… … …**

Two weeks later Lisa was waiting to close on the house and had opened a yoga studio in town. Dean was back to restoring classic cars at Singer salvage. Ben had started school and Sam and Alta were back to hunting again, doing research at Bobby's.

"Look like demon signs to you?" Sam was leaning over a map on Bobby's desk, his hand waving over it and pointing out weather phenomena.

"Yea, it does." Alta pointed to other areas of the map. "Cattle mutilations; missing persons. Could be Vamps."

"Maybe." Sam was thoughtful. "The strange weather patterns could be a fluke, but I'm still thinking its demon sign."

"Well, it's _something_ and it all centers around New London, Missouri." Bobby shrugged. "You two waiting for an engraved invitation?"

"There's still daylight." Sam looked at Alta. His smile betrayed his excitement to be on a hunt.

"Everything we need is in the car." Alta's excitement matched Sam's. "I'm good to go."

They headed for the door. _Just like a couple kids at Christmas_. Bobby smiled.

**… … …**

Castiel stood at the edge of a dark, slow moving river. He watched the water as if he were studying it; as if there was some deep, dark secret to be found there. The secret lay not in the water, but in Balthazar. In the familiar rush of Angel wings he appeared under an ancient tree that grew close to the bank of the river, its limbs hanging out low over the water.

"Castiel."

He turned and walked over to stand next to his brother.

"Balthazar. I fear for Sam. Please stop this… madness. Don't let the memories come through the wall." Castiel's clear blue eyes showed that he cared for Sam and Balthazar was confused, as he always was by Castiel's emotions.

"Castiel, you would be wise not to let these human's affect you. You are quite emotional about this." He looked at Castiel and wondered. "Tell me how does it _feel_ to love your charges like you do these two men?"

"It is sometimes quite painful." Castiel's eyes drifted back to the water; searching for a way to explain to Balthazar. There was no way to explain his emotional connection to a being that had never chosen to experience emotions. "It is also rewarding."

"Well, Father loves them. But we were not made to love. We do not have that capacity. It is unnatural for us. It keeps us from fulfilling our duties." Balthazar was not unsympathetic to his brother's plight and he was not unsympathetic to Sam's plight. But he was duty bound to see things happen as they had been written. And he was always very careful not to make the mistake that few Angels had ever made; the mistake that Castiel had made; to feel as the humans feel. "Castiel, I have begged you to distance yourself from these two and you have resisted my guidance at every turn." Balthazar sighed. "I can do nothing but to let this play out as it will."

"You can do something."

"I will not." Balthazar stepped closer to his younger brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You must have faith. We must think about the bigger picture. There is more to time than this generation." Castiel looked up into Balthazar's eyes. "If the Winchesters fail there will be others."

"If the Winchesters fail, mankind will suffer under the rule of the King of Hell." Castile's eyes burned as he stared at his brother. "I won't let that happen."

"Cas." Balthazar returned his brothers hard stare with a soft and sympathetic look.

"Crowley grows stronger. Even now he is still consuming souls. He is already strong enough to take me down." Castiel's eyes were pleading. "Gather a legion of Angels and let us kill him."

"I cannot. We retrieved Sam Winchester's soul from Hell for you; to keep you from dying." Balthazar's eyes were no longer sympathetic or soft but stern. "You have your hunters. Do what you can with them. I cannot interfere anymore. I have done all I can do."

Castiel turned from his brother, staring into the water once again.

_**TBC**_

_**Next chapter is back to hunting with Sam and Alta.**_

_**Comments are appreciated. I love to hear what you think. Thanks so much to those who comment, alert and favorite my story. It helps me to keep going.**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**Family Secrets: Part two**__ – chapter 11_

_Don't own SPN or the characters. Only Alta is mine._

_**I can't escape this hell**_

_**So many times I've tried**_

_**But I'm still caged inside**_

_**Somebody get me through this nightmare**_

_**I can't control myself**_

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

_**No one will ever change this animal I have become**_

_**Help me believe it's not the real me**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal**_

_**I can't escape myself**_

_**So many times I've lied**_

_**But there's still rage inside**_

_**Somebody get me through this nightmare**_

_**I can't control myself**_

_**Somebody wake me from this nightmare**_

_**I can't escape this hell**_

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_

_**No one will ever change this animal I have become**_

_**Help me believe it's not the real me**_

_**Somebody help me tame this animal I have become**_

_**Help me believe it's not the real me**_

_ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME - THREE DAYS GRACE_

**… … …**

"You're stopping?" They were halfway to New London, Missouri when they reached Omaha and Sam pulled into a little neighborhood bar off the highway.

"Yea. I thought we might go for a couple of drinks. I need to hustle up some cash. Omaha's as good a place as any."

"I suppose."

Alta picked a table near the rear exit with a view of most of the room. Habits of the hunter; find a defensible position. Sam stopped at the bar and got her a whisky and him a beer. "There's a poker game in the back room." He nodded toward a door near them. "I'm going to see if I can get in on some action there." He took a long pull on his beer. "Plenty of pool tables. You gonna hustle up a little cash?"

"Yea, I'll see what I can do." Pool was Alta's forte but Sam had become adept at poker since he came back from the pit. Without his soul he had no emotions to show and he had no tells, but he was expert at picking up other's tells. He could sense fear, nerves, and all the emotions that needed to be hidden when playing poker. Even now with his soul back he managed to slip into his soulless self when he played. It wasn't a fair game when you played with Sam, but he needed the cash and no one knew but him. That didn't make it right; it just made it easier.

There was a tall thin man with long strait brown hair. He wore it pulled back, tied with a leather strip and the ends of his long sideburns curled around in front of his ears. He was nearly silent and did most of his communication with hand signals and head nods. He had a tell and it didn't take Sam long to spot it; his mouth twitched ever so slightly, almost hidden by his heavy mustache.

There was a short guy with a New York accent who babbled incessantly making comments about everyone and everything. Sam didn't need to know his tell. He was a lousy player and everyone knew what he was holding.

There was another man at the table who wore sunglasses hiding his eyes. He claimed to be an albino. His very pale skin and white hair certainly lent credence to his story. So no one questioned his wearing shades as the eyes of an albino would be very sensitive to light. No matter… his tell was in the way he shifted in his seat.

The woman who sat opposite Sam at the table was tall with a long face and black hair. Her long fingernails were painted blood red and she wore a ring on every one of her long thin fingers. Her dark eyes followed every move each player made; searching for their tells. Her tell was classic. It was the way she played with her hair or her long dangling earrings. The more she fidgeted, the better her hand.

When Sam was confident he had figured out his opponents and the drinks had flowed freely for several rounds, it was time to start winning. Changing into his soulless persona had been like flipping a switch. He didn't think about it; didn't plan it. It just happened naturally. It wasn't long before he was gathering up winnings that rankled the other players. He not only didn't mind it; he liked it. He liked feeling their frustration. After babble mouth played out, Sam was determined to drive albino out of the game.

Alta's pool playing skills were put to the test. There were a couple of excellent players at the tables. One was a giant hulk of a man with big beefy hands. His scraggly black hair was in disarray all over his head and his tangled beard fell down to mid chest. He snorted and growled with each ball that Alta planted in a pocket. And each time she left him with an impossible shot, he gave her a hard glare meant to intimidate her. But Alta had faced down vampires, werewolves, demons and countless other creatures over the years and although she was small, she was not helpless. It infuriated him that his antics had no effect on her. She kept winning and he kept challenging.

Apparently he was a regular and other regulars spread the news around the bar that he'd finally met his match and it was a woman… a tiny little woman. A crowd gathered to see the big guy get beaten. Someone yelled out a taunt to 'Billy Bob' and Alta shot whisky up her nose laughing at the name.

"Billy Bob? Really?" She choked out the comment. His face burned red and he slammed his cue on the pool table along with his meaty fists. "Rack em up, _Billy Bob_." Alta knew she shouldn't provoke him but she couldn't help herself. The opportunity presented itself to her on a silver platter. Her winnings were well into triple digits and she knew she would wipe him out soon. He couldn't have that much more money. But if he was willing to lose it all, who was she to refuse him.

The sounds of the crowd in the other room began to filter in to Sam. He had forced the albino out of the game and had a sizable amount of winnings. He opted to do away with the hippie next and finish off by playing the woman out last. But the sounds from the other room became increasingly disturbing. Something was brewing and he wasn't sure that Alta didn't need his help. So he pocketed his winnings and excused himself. The hippie rose from his chair as if he wanted to challenge Sam leaving early, but the cold, hard stare and the intimidating stance of soulless Sam squelched any resistance from him.

Sam stood in the door and watched the commotion going on at the pool table. He sized up the 'monster' and watched Alta playing him like a fine fiddle. For the moment it was amusing and he leaned against the door jamb enjoying the show. She lined up her shot and broke beautifully landing four balls in the pockets. She had this game. Sam had watched her too many times to doubt. She ran the balls to the last one. Each pocketed ball brought a growl from Billy Bob and a roar from the crowd.

As Alta pocketed the last ball, Billy Bob had enough. He lunged at her with his final growl. She quickly ducked out of his line and he stumbled forward. He got his balance quickly and spun around with a round house swing meant to clip Alta's jaw. But she was ready and ducked. Billy Bob once again stumbled.

Sam loved watching her fight. She was so nimble, so quick and he knew she could plant a forceful kick or punch in just the right place to put an end to this but apparently she was having too much fun. He caught sight of the bartender with the phone to his ear and quickly surmised that the law would be on the premises very soon. So the next punch that was meant for Alta was caught in midflight by Sam, who quickly jerked the hand down and pulled Billy Bob up against him so that Sam was looking down into his eyes. "Swing at her again and I will _end_ you." Sam's eyes were serious, hard and dark. "Swallow what's left of your pride and walk out of here." The hapless monster of a man when limp and wordlessly left the bar. Sam turned to look at Alta. She put her hands on her hips in a rare show of stubbornness.

"What? I could handle him. I didn't need your help. He just couldn't wrap his head around getting beaten by a girl."

Sam jerked his chin toward the bartender on the phone behind him and made a motion with his thumb for her to look that way. His eyes said it all. _Let's get out before the law gets here._ She made a quick stop at the table where she picked up her winnings on their way out the door.

"I was just having some fun."

He pulled the charger out on the highway headed on to New London. "We should road trip more often. That _was_ fun."

"Yea. And profitable." Alta was counting their winnings.

**… … …**

It was mid-morning when they arrived in New London. They opted to squat in an abandon house on the outskirts of town rather than to rent a motel room. Sam drew devil's traps and Alta laid salt lines to protect them from the demons. Then Sam donned his black suit and Alta a black skirt and jacket. Her outfit fit her well with just a hint of cleavage showing from the white blouse she wore. Sam looked her over from the top of her head to her little black flats. "I could get used to these dresses on you."

"Do you think I look like an FBI agent?"

"Yea, a very sexy one." Sam's appreciative look continued back up her legs.

"Hold your horses, cowboy. We have a job to do, remember?"

They went to the morgue to investigate recent deaths.

**… … …**

The coroner was a pleasant enough fellow. He was a rotund man with a graying receding hairline, a large nose, watery blue eyes and a jovial smile. He gave the FBI badges a cursory glance not questioning the authenticity or the reason the FBI would be interested in these cases.

"We haven't had a murder… or even a suspicious death in New London since 2005 and then we only had one." The coroner shook his head. "This is way off the charts for us."

"Well that's why we're here." Sam cleared his throat. "How many do you have?"

"Six. All within the last three weeks." The sheriff entered the morgue and stood just inside the door. Alta went to him and pulled out her badge.

"I'm agent Jones." She motioned to Sam. "Agent Bonham."

"Sheriff Holmes." The sheriff inspected her badge with more attention than the coroner had, but apparently didn't have much more experience with FBI agents than the coroner.

"After we examine the bodies, we'll need to see the police reports." She was thankful the sheriff had arrived. Alta didn't mind dispatching creatures that needed killing, but viewing human victims was not her favorite thing to do.

Sam looked over the first body. "There are signs of torture." He looked back at Alta and motioned with a nod of his head. "Agent Jones…" Alta joined Sam beside the body. Apparently he was not going to let her get out of viewing this victim.

"Yes." The coroner chimed in. "These bruises on the wrist indicate the hands were tied, ankles as well."

Unexpectedly Sam felt pain shoot through his wrists and ankles. He could feel the bonds tightening and he could feel his limbs being pulled; stretched until his joints; his hips and his shoulders ached.

_This is how it feels… You left me to die..._

_No don't… not now… Stay away from me!_

Sam pushed down the panic that threatened to well up inside him.

"These marks on the chest and arms are cuts and here…" The coroner pointed to a wound on the lower abdomen. "… stab wound. These burns…" his hand moved to the burn marks along the side of the torso and followed them around the chest. "… across the upper chest, falling just below the clavicles and then across the upper abdomen… I'd say just along the line of the diaphragm."

Sam could feel the burning heat… and smell the burning flesh… He felt himself in the midst of scalding fire and choking smoke. He coughed, cleared his throat, swallowed hard and kept pushing down the panic that threatened to overwhelm him.

Alta cut her eye at him. _What?_

_I don't know. _Sam's responding look to her was not reassuring.

"Very strange." The coroner continued. They all gazed at the body.

"Which of these wounds killed him?" Alta looked up from the body and locked eyes with the coroner. Sam continued to contemplate the body intently.

"None of the wounds appear to be bad enough to kill. Possibly all of them together, but I'm not even sure of that." The coroner sighed. "All of the bodies are wounded in similar fashion."

"And your official report… What will you put as cause of death?" Alta questioned him.

"Cardiac Arrest secondary to loss of blood."

"Do you really think that these wounds bled enough to cause death?" Sam's expression had changed. His eyes were dark and narrow; his mouth a strained, thin line.

_I will make you pay for this. You will suffer... forever... I will never let you die._

Sam turned to the coroner; his stance intimidating as he leaned in close and glared into his face. "The point of this torture is to cause pain, not death."

"Well..." The coroner shrank back. "But I can't put on the report that he was tortured to death."

"So, what we really have is evidence of torture; actual cause of death unknown. Is that correct?"

"Yes." The coroner glanced at Sheriff Holmes then back at Sam. "Do you need to see the rest of the bodies?"

"Not now." Sam gave the same intimidating glare to the sheriff. "We'll be by later this afternoon to see the police reports." Sam's scowl was just as frightening as he turned to Alta. "Agent Jones." He jerked his head toward the door and made a hasty exit. Alta nodded to each of the men and followed behind Sam.

His long legs carried him quickly to the Charger while Alta ran to catch up to him. As he reached the car, he turned and tossed the keys to her. "You drive… I need to get back to the house." She ran to the driver's side and quickly slipped into the car, cranking the engine and pulling out onto the road.

"Sam, what's going on with you?"

"Memories…" Sam could feel his body bloodied and hear his own voice screaming in pain. His eyes squeezed shut. He slumped forward until his head was at his knees with his hand covering his eyes. The pain that shot through him was unimaginable. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can." Alta tried to encourage him. He shook his head and let out a groan of pain. "You can, Sam… You will."

When they arrived at the house, Alta ran quickly around to help him. He struggled to get out of the car. When he stood, he glared at her. She would have been frightened but she was determined to get him into the house.

Sam's angry eyes moved from Alta to the flight of steps that led up to the front door of the house. Pain shot through his legs and arms as he stumbled toward the first step and reached out to hold the railing. His head pounded. Alta slipped under his arm trying to bear up most of his weight. His breath came in heaves with each step. His legs threatened to give way under him as the joints of his hips and knees refused to stay in place but he managed to right himself with every step and continue.

_You can't push me away! You won't ignore me!_

Sam could feel himself pinned to the wall of the cage, suspended by his hands and feet. He felt his joints pulled out of place… his arms and legs pulled to the point of ripping from his body.

_This is how it feels, Sam… this is how you left me… forever!_

_Get away! Don't… don't touch me. Get back behind the wall!_

Sam pushed back hard against the memories of pain, willing them away. Finally he stood straight. The pounding in his head was just an echo; the pain in his arms and legs was gone. He turned to face Alta. She waited to see what he would say. His face was unreadable. She pulled a bottle or water from the ice chest by the door. "You need some water. Do you want a pain pill?"

"A pain pill?" Sam's expression changed. His eyes flashed, his face was a grimace not of pain, not anger but more like hatred. "You think a pain pill will help this… torture?" He reached out taking her wrist and twisting until she dropped the bottle. "You offer me water; as if that will help. Nothing will help! No one will help me." He slammed her against the wall, grabbing her other hand pulling both of her arms, trying to stretch them to the full span of his long arms. "You want to know how it feels?"

Alta could feel the pain shoot down her arms through her shoulders. She felt the skin of her chest stretch as Sam continued to pull. He smiled in her face… a smile of evil that she'd never seen in him. Fear radiated through her from the depths of her soul. But she was not helpless. She hung against the wall held by her wrists. Her legs dangled free and she pulled against his grasp bringing her knees up to her chest, quickly planting her feet against him. With a mighty kick she knocked him back. His grasp on her wrists held and she was pulled back with him. As he fell to the floor she landed on top of him.

"Sam!" She screamed his name. He laughed; a cold evil laugh that turned into a painful scream as he released her. The screamed continued until it turned into a low whine and finally faded into silence. His face was buried in his hands. His breathing slowed. Alta crawled off of him and sat beside him on the floor. Finally he took his hands from his face, heaved a deep sigh and stood reaching a hand down to help her to her feet.

**… … …**

Dean glanced at the name on his phone. He was under the hood of a '66 Chevelle at Singer Salvage but as he answered the phone he headed into Bobby's house.

"Alta. I thought you two were on a hunt."

"We are. We're in New London, Missouri."

"I heard. Bobby told me." Dean wondered why she was calling him. "What's up with the dynamic duo of hunting?" He found Bobby in his study. "Hang on, I'm gonna put you on speaker. Bobby's here." He placed the phone on the desk and took a chair opposite Bobby.

"It's Sam. Hell memories are coming through. It's bad, really bad, Dean." She waited for a reply. Dean hesitated. He didn't want to hear this. He looked at Bobby who gave him a shrug and rolled his eyes.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later. Things were going too well to last." Bobby's voice was resigned.

"I knew you shouldn't have gone on a hunt." Dean's tone was accusing. Alta didn't let it stop her.

"It's a mess here. These people have been tortured and there are burns on their chests. We think its Crowley."

"Crowley?" There was silence on the line. "We knew he'd raise his fugly head again."

"Why? What makes you think its Crowley?" Bobby wondered aloud.

"It's the burns. The victims all have a strange pattern of burns on the chest. Sam thinks that's where he pulled the souls out."

"And where is Sam, now?" Bobby wasn't sure he would like the answer.

"He went to get copies of the police reports." Alta sighed. "Bobby it's bad. He slips in and out of these Hell memories and if you think Sam was cold when he was soulless... He's angry when the Hell memories take over; evil, vengeful angry. I don't know if I can handle him by myself."

"This might be a ploy on Crowley's part to get us out of town and leave Lisa and Ben defenseless." Dean's worry was evident on his face.

"They could stay with me." Bobby volunteered.

"No." Dean looked at Bobby. "I'm sure you could keep them safe but we need to draw him here. We don't need to play his game on his terms. He wants us… he'll come after us."

"These people are being tortured and dying." Alta was adamant.

"Bring Sam here, where we can take care of all of us." Dean was just as adamant. "The plan was to stay together… all of us."

"I'll do what I can. But… when the Hell memories take over he's… angry… scary angry."

"Either you go out after them or I will." Bobby fixed Dean with a determined look. "We're not gonna leave her to face him alone."

"You're right. Alta where can we find you?"

**… … …**

"What? You called Dean?" Sam was angry. "Why?"

"I think we need the help." Alta was trying to be reasonable. "If it is Crowley, we shouldn't go after him with just us. We should get help. We can start with Dean and Bobby."

"And you see what kind of help they offer. None!" Sam threw the police reports down on the table. "Do you know why Dean want's me back at Bobby's?"

"The plan was for us to face this together."

Sam whirled around and was suddenly in Alta's face; his eyes boring into hers. "He wants to get me in the panic room. He wants to lock me down and force me back behind the wall. He's not interested in helping me. He never even tried to help me."

Soulless Sam had been cold and capable of heartless deeds. But Hell Sam was angry, paranoid and she wasn't sure what he was capable of. Soulless Sam had been able to reconcile with Sammy but Hell Sam appeared unable to reconcile with anybody. And she had no idea how she was going to get him back to Sioux Falls. At best Dean and Bobby were eight hours out and Alta knew she had to deal with Sam on her own. She was not sure he wouldn't hurt her or even kill her. She knew how to fight and she knew how to defend herself but Sam was powerful, he outweighed her by a hundred pounds of pure muscle and stood a good foot taller. It would be easy for him to overpower her. She had to reason with an angry, paranoid Sam that she didn't know.

It seemed that Sam was slipping in and out of his selves. Sam and Soulless Sam slipped in and out with ease and seemed to have a truce with each other such that one complemented the other. Sometimes she could hardly tell the difference. They had begun to blend. But when Hell Sam came through everything went off track and she knew she needed to tread lightly. Sam had promised he would never hurt her, and she believed him, but with Hell Sam all bets were off and she knew it.

"What do you think we should do, Sam?" She waited for his answer.

Sam gazed at her. He was at a loss. He had no idea what to do and no idea how to formulate a plan. She watched him as he struggled. He looked childlike wondering what to do.

Inside his head the voices of all three Sams were clamoring to be heard. Each one was vying to come out in control. Suddenly Sam clutched his head wincing from the pain and the confusion. He was dizzy. Everything was spinning as he tried to hold onto one voice… just one… any one. He tried to focus on Alta, his eyes wild and unseeing. "Help me… God… help me." Alta stared at him terrified and helpless.

There was the sudden rush of Angel's wings and Castiel appeared. His eyes were focused on Sam, his mouth set with determination as he stepped quickly to him. Raising one hand to Sam and one to Alta he placed two fingers on each of them and they suddenly appeared at Bobby's. They were in the panic room and Sam immediately fell limp onto the cot; the same cot he'd been tied to when Balthazar reintegrated his soul.

Alta gasped. "No…" The room held no good memories for her and she knew Sam would feel betrayed. "Not here. It will only make it worse if he wakes up here. Take us home… please… take us to our house. Let him wake up there."

"Perhaps you are right." Once again Castiel placed a hand on each of them.

**… … …**

Cas moved one of the overstuffed chairs from the living room into the bedroom along with an ottoman for Alta to be comfortable while she waited for Sam to wake. He waited in the living room with Bobby and Dean. They all waited for Sam to wake up.

"God… how many times do we have to go through this? The waiting is killing me." Dean cut his eyes to Bobby.

"As many times as it takes." Bobby scrubbed his hands over his face and stood to get another drink from the kitchen.

"This could be the last time." They both turned to look at Castiel. "If he isn't strong enough, the memories may hold him captive until he dies."

"You mean like in a coma?" Bobby asked. Dean walked to stand in front of Castiel; his eyes questioning.

"To us it may appear to be a coma but to Sam he will be reliving his memories from Hell. He'll be trapped inside his own mind, unable to escape." Castiel's eyes were sympathetic. "This has never been done and we have no idea how it will play out."

"I just hate this!" Dean wanted to hit something… someone. He turned from Castiel and banged his fists on the desk. "A monster… any monster, I can deal with… but what's happening to Sam… I feel so helpless."

Alta watched Sam as he tossed about on the bed. Sometimes a loud moan would bring her to his side wondering if he was waking but it would be hours while the three Sams warred inside his head. Finally Alta eased him up and slid into the bed behind him pulling him to her. She sat with her back to the headboard. He was cradled between her legs, her arms wrapped around him. She stroked his back. "Shhh… shhhh. I've got you. It's ok." She tried to calm him as he tossed and moaned.

Sam couldn't remember a time without pain. He couldn't remember a kind word or a gentle touch. All he knew was hatred, pain, rejection and most of all fear… and Lucifer enjoying it all.

Suddenly he was out of Hell… finally no longer tortured… away from the pain… the anger… the fear… the evil… away from Lucifer. He fought his way beyond the wall. Then he came to the hardest battle of all; the battle against himself. He rejected him… Sam. He rejected himself as if he wasn't Sam too. As if his memories weren't part of Sam. He pushed him away… denied him. Sam was still alone… still rejected… still hated... and now he was feared.

But he was beyond the wall and he felt something he had not felt in so long. A gentle touch… a human touch. He could feel her body next to his… feel his head cradled in her lap… feel her stroking his back. A soft voice… He could hear her… "Shhh… shhhh. I've got you. It's ok. I'm not going to hurt you." Sam opened his eyes and felt the heat of her body… the touch of another living human… a loving touch; kind words. He breathed deep the smell of her… the smell of a human… a woman… no stench of burning souls or sulfur ashes. He felt his body whole… not flayed… not burning… It felt nice… as she stroked his smooth back… no scars… no open wounds… no flayed skin… just her soft touch across his unbroken body.

She knew he was awake. He'd finally stopped tossing. She felt him still, heard his breath, felt his tentative touch as his hand caressed her thigh. She waited. The hunter in her told her she was vulnerable; that she needed to be in a defensible position. The woman in her told her he was wounded, alone and rejected. He needed to savor the moment. He needed to learn to trust.

"Alta?" He voice was soft.

"I'm here."

"I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I know." She ran her hand through his hair. "Tell me, what's going on?"

He lay with his head in her lap, facing away from her, one hand rested on her thigh. "I haven't felt like this in over a lifetime… more than 100 years." He sighed, a heavy ragged sound. "I'm whole. All of me together in one piece; healthy… not in pain or fear. You can't imagine the fear… the pain." His body began to draw up, his knees pulled into his chest, his arms wrapped around them as he pulled his body into a tight ball. "I can't…" Alta felt his body grow warmer as she ran her fingers across his face. He looked flushed. Sweat popped out on his forehead. He groaned then suddenly his head flew back as he screamed in pain.

"Sam?" She stroked him and felt wet stickiness and a gash across his back. When she raised her hand it was covered with blood. "Sam." She watched as bloody streaks appeared across his back lacing each other like the strikes of a whip. Each time he arched and cried out in pain. "Sam!" She screamed his name again.

The door flew open as Dean and Bobby rushed in and Castiel appeared beside the bed. "What's happening?" Dean looked at the bloody mesh of flesh on his brothers back. "Cas? What's happening?"

"The memories of Hell are manifesting." Castiel gazed down at his charge as Sam thrashed and screamed in pain.

_That's only part of it. You need to know how it felt._

Sam fought against himself as his arms and his legs were pulled away from his body; pulled again to the point of being ripped out. This time it was not a memory of the pain. It was real and his body lifted off the bed, held suspended by his wrists and ankles. His joints were dislocated and shooting pain throughout his body. Sam's eyes were screwed shut as he screamed in agony. Blood dripped from the wounds on his back and his face continued to redden as if he were being roasted alive.

_These are my memories… memories of the place you wanted to leave me forever. _

_You didn't want to take me… a flayed soul… back into your body. _

_Lucifer could have it. _

_Better for Cas to deal with the consequences of me… your flayed soul… in Hell... than for you to deal with me._

_I didn't know… I'm sorry… please… stop…_

Alta slid to the floor. She was soaked as she sat in a pool of Sam's blood. Her face was frozen in terror. It matched the terror on Dean's face. She looked to him for an answer but he had none. They both looked to Bobby then to Castiel.

"I am sorry. I don't know what to do for him." Castiel's face was grave. "This is worse than I anticipated."

Alta knelt at the bedside. She looked into Sam's burned face, the skin red and peeling. "Sam. Look at me, please... Sam look at me." Slowly his eyes opened and he focused on her. "Don't do this. Please, I'm begging you."

Sam cried out and arched; his eyes squeezed shut against another blow of the whip. "Sam…" She caressed his face, feeling the heat of his burns. "Sam, you don't have to do this… please stop." She begged him. "Don't be like Lucifer."

"You beg for _him_." The words croaked out at her from his dry throat. His eyes were accusing and filled with anger and hate.

"Yes… and for you." Her voice was soft not much more than a whisper; a prayer to the one who had the power of life and death. "I love you." Her eyes were sincere; her tears real.

"You love_ him_." Another gash appeared on his back but he didn't cry out. There was only a whimper and his eyes began to lose focus.

"Yes, and you. Don't kill him… please. You'll die too."

Sam's eyes closed and he slipped into unconsciousness but there were no more marks. His arms and legs relaxed; dropping him back onto the bed. Alta lowered her face to the bed and wept.

Castiel placed his hand on Sam's head. "It has stopped." He forced a piece of his grace into Sam and his wounds began to heal.

_**TBC**_

_**Many thanks to those who comment. **_

_**Comments are always welcomed and appreciated… helps to keep me going. I'm very much interested to know what you think.  
>And thanks to everyone who alert or favorite my story or me as an author. I'm honored.<strong>_


	32. Chapter 32

**Family Secrets: Part two** – chapter 12

_Supernatural and the SPN characters are not mine but I love to write about them. Alta is my own creation. I do not profit from my story… it's just fun and self-exploration__**.**_

_**I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.**_

_**Is it over yet, in my head?**_

_**I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.**_

_**Is it over yet? I can't win.**_

…

_**So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.**_

_**I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.**_

_**I'm going all the way, get away, please.**_

…

_**You take the breath right out of me.**_

_**You left a hole where my heart should be.**_

_**You got to fight just to make it through,**_

_**'cause I will be the death of you.**_

…

_**This will be all over soon.**_

_**Pour salt into the open wound.**_

_**Is it over yet? Let me in.**_

…

_Breath - Breaking Benjamin_

…

"Cas?" Dean stood at the edge of the bed looking down at his brother.

"The memories seem to have stopped for now." Castiel was gazing down at Sam as he lay sleeping quietly on the bed. "He is at peace."

"Don't… say it like that." Dean winced; his hands flying up to his face as if he was shielding himself from a blow. "You make it sound like he's dead."

"Oh." Castiel was clearly confused; not understanding why Dean should feel that way. "I said nothing about death. He is sleeping."

"I know, but… never mind." Dean laid his hand on Alta's shoulder. "You ok?"

"No." She sniffed. "Not even close." She stood and looked down at her blood soaked clothes. She raised her hands and stared at them. They were covered with blood… Sam's blood. "I need a shower and some clean clothes." She looked down at Sam sleeping in the midst of his own blood, pooling on the sheets. The mesh of bleeding criss-cross gashes was healing quickly. She wondered how his soul had survived through a hundred years of… Alta turned away; her eyes closed and she lowered her face into her bloody hands.

"Get a shower and some fresh clothes. We'll get Sam cleaned up and change the bed."

"No. I'll help… I'll get clean sheets."

"He's right Alta. You go… We can find what we need." Bobby's put his arm around her shoulder. Dean nudged her from the other side and together they moved her toward the bathroom. "Hurry. We'll scare up something to eat when you get out… ok?"

Dean turned her to face him. He bent down to be eye to eye and placed a finger under her chin lifting her face up to his. Her face was covered with Sam's blood; smudged across her forehead from the bloody sheets; streaked down her face from her bloody hands. He winked and gave the best smile he could. "Sam's gonna be ok."

"You don't know that." She didn't want to be patronized. "Even Cas doesn't know." She threw a glance back at the Angel as he stared down at Sam.

Dean opened the bathroom door and gently pushed her inside. She stared at the reflection in the mirror hardly recognizing it; a bloody face… a hideous creature… stains that water could never wash away… stains on her soul. She felt numb… dead inside. Another memory that would play over and over in her mind; a memory she would never forget. Like the sight of Sam strapped to that cot in Bobby's panic room, pleading for help, pleading for mercy, crying out in pain, sacrificed… the moment she lost him… And now sacrificed again… whipped and bleeding… beaten… tortured to the edge of death, it would never leave her.

When Alta came out of the bathroom… clean… in clean clothes, she felt better. Sam was still sleeping. He lay on his back, tucked into fresh linens. She gazed at him and wondered what the memories of Hell would do to him. The first change; blending Sammy and Sam… she could live with that. It made him better and she loved him even more. But this… she wasn't so sure and it frightened her.

"Come on." Dean was standing in the doorway. "I made some fresh coffee." He stepped back and allowed her to move past him into the kitchen. She looked and moved like she was in a daze. He held out a cup of coffee; she took it and they sat at the table opposite each other. "I get what he sees in you."

"What?" Alta looked at Dean as if she had forgotten he was there.

"Sam… I get what he sees in you. You are a strong gutsy little woman." He took a sip of coffee eyeing her over the rim of his cup. "…and a good hunter."

She smiled but it was a painful expression accompanied by a strangled laugh and sorrowful eyes. "I just don't know who he's going to be when he wakes up." She stared at her cup, running a finger around the rim as if she couldn't figure out what to do with it.

"He'll be Sam." Dean stated flatly. "He made the choice. He made the sacrifice and he can't help what happened to him because of it."

She took a sip of the strong, hot, spiked coffee. The wetness felt good in her dry mouth and the warmth traveled down as she swallowed. It helped. "This is the kind of coffee I like." She smiled and this time it reached her eyes.

"My specialty. I thought you could use a little something extra with your morning coffee." Dean smiled. "It'll help you get some rest. I'm sure Sam will be out for a while. I'll stay here."

"What about Lisa and Ben?"

"Lisa's at work and Ben went to school. Cas and Bobby went to New London."

"They're gonna finish the case?"

"No just recon. They'll see what they can find." Dean offered her another drink. "Want more coffee or do you want it strait this time?"

"I'll just take a double, thanks." She held out her empty cup and Dean poured whisky into it; a reassuring smile on his face. "After this you're going to bed. You need to get some sleep."

She downed the whisky and stood. "I think I'll sleep in the spare bedroom."

"Sam will wonder where you are when he wakes up. I bet he'd like for you to be with him." Dean searched her face. He could tell she was shaken by this and she had a right to be frightened but he knew that Sam would need her and he would look for her.

"I don't want to disturb his sleep." She dropped her head so she wouldn't have to look at Dean. "I'm a little scared of who he'll be when he wakes up." She turned toward the bedroom. "... and I'm so tired."

"Yea, me too."

When she reached the door she looked back at Dean. "You'll stay until he wakes up?" Dean nodded. "Just knock for me…" She hesitated. She did look tired, drained. After she closed the door behind her, Dean looked at it for a moment then turned and went into Sam's bedroom. The brave face that he'd put on for Alta slipped away as he gazed down at Sam. He reached down and ran his hand across his brother's face, brushing the hair away from his eyes. _What's next Sammy? Is it ever gonna end? _He turned and settled into the overstuffed chair next to Sam's bed. He put his feet up on the ottoman and heaved a heavy sigh.

Alta stripped down and crawled into the crisp, cool sheets. She drew the covers over her head. Blocking out the morning sunlight was easy. Blocking out everything else… the fear… the sorrow… the rage… was not so easy. Sleep finally came to her after she shed what was left of her tears.

Sam barely moved as he slept. Dean listened to his regular breathing… inhale… exhale; soft quiet little sounds, the only indication of life in his brother. He laid his head back on the soft chair and thought about how it had all come to this. A long tale of desperation and darkness; they had been pawns in a game of power between the most powerful beings in the universe. And now they were left to deal with the aftermath of that struggle. _What's next for the Winchester brothers? Could they possibly leave us alone?_ He doubted it.

The question of Lisa and Ben cropped up in his head. Dean knew it was their association with him that was the biggest danger to them. He should cut it off with them. But he thought it had gone too far. Crowley had already targeted Lisa once. And Ben had the hunting bug. He saw it in him. He was a natural… just like Dean had been a natural. He knew he should train him but he had promised himself he would keep Ben out of the life. He closed his eyes and heaved another heavy sigh.

Dean loved Lisa and Ben. He loved the life they'd shared together even if it was only a year. He didn't want to give that up. He didn't want to give up his brother either. And… if he was honest with himself… He didn't think he would be able to give up hunting. He'd tried. He'd made a decent living restoring classic cars and he liked it but when he got sucked back into hunting… when he hunted with Sam… when they went up against Crowley… part of him loved it. It wasn't like Dean to be indecisive and he hated the feeling.

It was midafternoon when Sam finally woke. He saw Dean asleep on the chair next to the bed. Thinking back he remembered what happened. He was a little foggy on the details but he remembered the pain and he felt the after effects. He was stiff, his joints ached. It was difficult to move but he sat up slowly and gazed around the room. His mouth was dry… very dry, so he went to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator downing it in big gulps.

"Sammy." Dean had followed him into the kitchen. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like hell, Dean." Sam crossed his arms rubbing his shoulders. "I ache."

"I bet you do." Dean walked over to the cabinet and took down a bottle of aspirin. "Here take a couple of these." Sam grabbed another bottle of water.

"Where's Alta?" He glanced around. Panic threatened. "Did she…"

"She's sleeping in the other room." Dean nodded toward the spare bedroom.

Relief showed on Sam's face. He knew she had every reason to run… to leave him. Suddenly he remembered…"The hunt? We bailed on the hunt."

"You didn't have a choice." Dean locked eyes with his brother. "It's ok Sam. You both did what you had to do. Cas and Bobby are out on recon. We'll take care of it. You need to rest." He followed Sam's eyes to the bedroom door. "She wanted me to wake her up when you decided to make an appearance." Dean grinned at his brother. "You go wake her up. She's your girlfriend." Sam returned a half-hearted little smile. Dean could tell he was uncertain.

Sam opened the door and made his way to the bed silently. Alta was in deep sleep. He listened to the slow rhythm of her breathing. He stripped down and slid into the bed easing against her back. She was warm and her smooth skin felt so good next to him. He spooned her up to him with her head tucked under his chin; he wrapped himself around her.

"Sam?" She whispered his name not knowing which one of him was in the bed with her.

"Shhh. Just let me hold you. Let me feel you next to me." She still didn't know which Sam he was.

**… … …**

Alta woke up hungry… starving actually. She couldn't remember the last time she ate… sometime yesterday maybe. She felt Sam wrapped around her. His leg was draped over her thigh and his arms folded around her with his hands holding on to her shoulders. Her head was tucked up under his chin. It was a familiar position that made her feel warm and safe; heat radiating off him onto her back. _Good thing I'm not claustrophobic_.

"You're awake." He kissed the top of her head.

"Yes. And starving." She nudged against him. This Sam she knew. He was the one who would hold her through the night while she slept, even though he didn't sleep.

He moved his head down until his mouth was at her ear. "Me too." He whispered and pulled her hair back so he could kiss the soft flesh just below her ear. "I was afraid you left me."

She swallowed hard. It wasn't as if she didn't think about it. "You scare the shit out of me Sam."

"I know… I'm sorry." He released her, rolling over on his back. "I'm scared too."

She turned to face him but couldn't think of anything to say to him. She laid her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. When she rested her hand on his chest he placed his hand over hers, holding her to him.

"I'm a freak. No doubt about that. I've always been a freak. But I have to play the hand life's dealt to me. What else can I do?" He heaved a heavy sigh. "I wish I could say that it's over… but…" He shook his head.

"It'll never be over."

"Alta… I can't keep the memories behind the wall. I'm not strong enough. They are already coming across. But… if I can embrace them… learn to live with them…"

"Do you remember last night?" Alta's voice was near panic. She rose up to look at him, her eyes wide with fear.

"Yes. I remember." He stared at her wondering what had her so frightened. "Did I forget something? Did I do something to you? Did I hurt you?"

She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest, her arms wrapped around them; she was rocking back and forth. "You almost died! He was trying to kill you."

"He? You mean me?"

"Hell Sam. He made you take the beating he took in Hell." Her voice was trembling. "He hung you up by your hands and feet and whipped you. Your back looked like raw meat." The words came tumbling out faster and faster and she began stumbling over them. "There was blood… you bled all over. How can you not remember?"

"I remember." He spoke softly and rubbed his hand along her back. "I'm sorry you had to watch. I didn't know there was so much blood."

"That's not it… it wasn't the blood."

He sat up, reached out and turned her head making her look at him. "What, then. Tell me."

"Watching you suffer… watching… you… there was nothing I could do… he was…" Her voice fell to a whisper. Her green eyes glistened with tears. "He was killing you… You were dying right in front of me… and the… the pain on your face… I can't take it… I can't watch you suffer like that… I can't… watch you die. I just can't."

"But you got him to stop." He pulled her to him. He held her against his chest. "If you hadn't talked him down he would have killed me."

"I can't go through that again, Sam… I just can't."

"So if you're not with me… if you leave me… you won't have to see it." He sighed. "But I'll still have to go through it and if you're not there to help…" He held her closer as a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. "Listen. It'll be better. I'm sure of it." He held her face and kissed her eyes. "I was trying to fight him and I know now that I can't. I can't keep him behind the wall. He's already beyond the wall."

"Ya think?" She choked on an attempt at a laugh.

He smiled back at her and wiped across her cheek with his finger. "Balthazar said if I wasn't strong enough to keep him behind the wall, I would have to be strong enough to embrace the memories. Can you help me with that? _Will _you help me?" He gave her a light kiss feeling it as she choked on a sob. "Just stay with me."

"Of course. What else am I gonna do?" She laid her hand on his cheek. "I can't leave you." She smiled at him. "But I might die of hunger if I don't eat soon." She needed to change the subject. She just couldn't think about it anymore.

"Yea, me too. And I think I smell food."

**… … …**

When they came into the kitchen Dean was frying up bacon and had fresh coffee made. "You don't have a lot in your pantry. But I remember how much you love pancakes." Dean's smile was warm and comforting. Alta thought he looked cute fussing over the stove with the dish towel draped over one strong shoulder while he whisked up the pancake batter.

"I'll help you with that." They worked together to finish up the afternoon breakfast. And once everyone had a full stomach and the kitchen was cleaned they moved to the living room.

"Have you heard from Bobby and Cas?" Sam sat beside Alta; his arm resting behind her on the back of the sofa.

"Not yet. But they'll be back soon." Dean was curious. "Want to tell me what's going on with you. I mean, I'd kinda like to know what to expect. Are you going to go all 'Ghost Busters' on me and hang three feet above the bed again or what?"

Sam snorted a little laugh. "I hope not." He glanced at Alta, then back to Dean. "They were Hell memories."

"Yea, I get that. Do we need to figure out what triggers them?"

"I don't think it's so much a trigger as the memories have come across the wall and they are here…" Sam touched his hand to his forehead. "…just asserting themselves."

"Are they just gonna be randomly _asserting themselves_ like that? ... '_cause that_…" Dean rubbed his hand over his face. "That was scary. And when_ I_ think something's scary… it's off the charts."

Sam sighed._ How many times am I going to have to go over this?_ Still, he knew Dean deserved an explanation. "Balthazar said if I wasn't strong enough to keep the memories behind the wall, I would _have _to be strong enough to embrace the memories."

"Well, if anybody can do it, you can." Dean knew his brother's strength, his determination and his ability to focus. "Are you gonna be able to hunt and deal with this too?"

"Yes." Sam didn't elaborate further. He desperately wanted this conversation to turn in another direction.

"He'll be able to hunt." Alta's voice was strong and if she had any doubts Dean couldn't see them on her face. "I'll hunt with him." Her vote of confidence drew a thankful look from Sam.

"I'm still pretty wiped out. Let's get together in the morning and formulate a plan." Sam stood to walk Dean to the door. "You need to go and check on Lisa and Ben, don't you?"

"Yea." Dean nodded to Alta and gave Sam a clap on the shoulder. Sam winced. "Oh, sorry." Dean remembered too late that Sam was still sore from his ordeal. "Meet at Bobby's in the morning?"

"We'll be there."

**… … …**

It was still dark out when Alta woke. Sam lay on his side; his back to her. She gazed at the large expanse of smooth skin that just 24 hours ago had been a mass of flayed flesh. She reached out; her fingers barely touching him. The skin was perfect; no scars remained as evidence of the brutal beating. But she knew the scars were there. They were on his soul. Scars that even Castiel couldn't heal.

"This is what I missed the most." Sam spoke softly. "Quiet… peace… touch… a gentle touch… a caring hand."

She couldn't think of anything to say to him. It occurred to her that he didn't need words. He needed to feel what words could never convey. Alta spread her hand on his back and caressed him gently. She pressed her body against him and kissed softly at the base of his neck.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut. He drew in a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. Feeling her body next to his… her soft touch… her gentle kiss… it was more than he could take and he battled the urge to lash out at her… to make her stop before he fell apart. When her hand slid around to caress his chest, his body shook. He was losing control as he felt her hand sliding down across his belly. _Don't… don't… don't…_ his brain screamed.

Sam grabbed her hand. He quickly rolled over to face her. "I…" His face was pained. He had no words to explain how much he needed her touch and yet it was more than he could take.

"Shhh. It's ok." She instinctively knew Sam's flayed soul was struggling after so many years of hatred and torture. She pulled her hands away resting them on either side of her head on the pillow. It was a position of surrender… giving him control. He gazed down at her, the panic that had welled up inside him dissipated. His hand barely touched her skin as he reached to her face. His kiss was almost tentative. Like a first kiss, light soft pecks building until his tongue slipped into her mouth to taste her. His light touch as his hand grazed down her body made her shiver and he moaned in response.

He cupped her breast; she arched into his hand. His moist lips trailed to her ear and she felt his hot breath as he gently pulled her ear lobe into his mouth. She reached for him and ran her hands across his shoulders. She felt his shiver; her legs parted and he moved to hover over her looking down into her eyes. She could feel him hard against her. She watched his eyes close; a look of pleasure on his face as she ran her hands through the light dusting of hair on his chest. He arched and pushed against her.

When she ran her hands down his back he dipped his head to take her lips in a soft kiss. Her hands splayed across his back and his kiss became deeper… his mouth covered hers and his tongue delved in to play along her teeth and then twine with her tongue. His hands reached down to her hips, he pulled her against him and she gasped as she felt him drive hard and deep into her. His hold on her tightened and be began to desperately plunge deeper and harder. She saw the muscles in his neck straining. She grabbed his arms and felt his hard muscles as he pulled her against him. His face contorted as if he was in pain, straining against her. His fingers dug into her… holding her… ramming himself into her. His eyes were dark his lip curled into a snarl. He lowered his head; his hot breath in her ear. "I'll never let you go." What started tender and loving had become tough and cruel... brutal.

"Sam." She called his name. He glared at her, not slowing his pace but tightening his grip until his fingers nearly ripped her flesh. "Sam… Stop! Stop!" She screamed and his face suddenly changed. The eyes that had glared at her… dark and filled with anger, softened into a gentle hazel... almost blue. He changed into... Sam… Sammy.

"Oh God! Alta I'm sorry…" He looked down at her, his erection quickly fading; a look of self-loathing on his face. "…so sorry." He rolled off of her and sat up on the side of the bed. She covered her eyes but he knew there were tears and he knew he had hurt her. He moved to get up from the bed. She reached out and placed her hand on his arm, holding him.

She still covered her eyes. "Wait." She swallowed hard. "I'm ok. I just… the way you looked at me… the way you held me… like you _wanted_ to hurt me… I… just…" She broke off in a sob.

"I know. I did." Sam confessed softly. "Part of me did… want to hurt you." He lowered his face into his hands. "It won't happen again. I won't let it happen again." He stood. Her hand slipped down his arm and clutched his fingers.

"Don't go." She took her hand away from her eyes and held his gaze as he looked down at her. His eyes traveled down her body. All he could see were the bruises he'd left on her hips; the marks of his hands where he'd forced himself on her. Even soulless he would never hurt her but his wounded soul tried to use her… wanted to hurt her.

"I don't want to hurt you. I have to get better control."

"I know." Her laugh was just a little bitter. "There are a few too many people in our bed."

He snorted and pulled his hand away. She pulled the covers over her body and bunched them up burying her face into the linens as he walked out of the bedroom. _What in Hell am I going to do? What am I supposed to do? How can I possibly deal with this?_ The questions swirled around in her head until she thought it would explode.

Sam walked back into the room. He had slipped into his pajama pants and brought her one of his tee shirts, a bottle of wine and two glasses. "We're taking the day off, just the two of us." He handed her the tee shirt and set the glasses on the bedside table. "Crowley can wait, Hell can wait, the whole world can wait!" He produced a cork screw from his back pocket and uncorked the bottle.

_**TBC**_

_**Comments and reviews are always welcomed. I appreciate very much hearing what you think or that you like the story. **_

_**Thanks so much to those who have commented and to those who favorite and alert my story.**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**Family Secrets: Part two**__ – chapter 13_

_Don't own SPN but I do love to play with the boys, all of them. Sam, Sam and Sam, Dean, Bobby and Ben.  
>Alta is my own creation.<em>

_**If tomorrow never comes**_

_**Would you still belong to me?**_

_**Guess I've always known it was meant to be.**_

_**We took a second chance on love and it carried us away.**_

_**Now it's getting' stronger day by day.**_

_**The closer it gets the further it seems.**_

_**It's always one step out of reach,**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are.**_

_**We've been waiting' for this chance to be free**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are.**_

…

_**And if nothing ever changed**_

_**Would you feel the same way too?**_

_**You know I'll always be there for you.**_

'_**cause they say the strong survive**_

_**And we've nearly made it through.**_

_**Now we'll soon be seeing our dreams come true.**_

_**The harder it gets the harder you fall.**_

_**It never turns out like it seems**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are.**_

_**We've been waiting' for this chance to be free**_

_**On the edge of a dream.**_

_**You know you are.**_

_Edge of a Dream – Joe Cocker_

…

Sam left a message for Bobby while Alta packed some supplies in the saddle bags and put on her helmet. He bounded down the front steps smiling and Alta thought he looked happier than she'd ever seen him. He jumped on the Harley and she slipped in behind him. She had no idea where they were going but she didn't care. She felt great… she felt free… she wasn't thinking about demons or angels or souls or any of the numerous other things that tend to take a person to the dark side of life. She watched the scenery fly by and felt the rumble of thunder under her and watched the expanse of black leather that was Sam's back. The land was flat… rural for the most part with the occasional small town as they rode through endless farmland. It felt good just to let her brain zone out. She knew Sam must feel the same.

**… … …**

"Sam's taking the day off." Bobby took a gulp of coffee.

"Well, I'm sure he could use it." Dean had his own coffee and a plate of eggs and bacon in front of him. "Is he ok? He's not sick or having anymore…" He glanced at Ben across the table from him. "…um…spells?"

"He sounded fine. Left a message. Said he and Alta needed some time."

"Hell, that's true. Probably the smartest thing to come out of his mouth in a long time." Dean winked at Ben. "We all need a day off. Glad to know he's getting priorities straight."

"Yea. If that's what this is." Dean couldn't see Bobby's eye roll but he knew it was happening.

"Bobby… what are you saying?"

"I don't know." Bobby's hunter instincts were on overdrive and he worried about Sam. He worried even more about Alta. He liked her and she brought out protective feelings in him. "I just don't trust this new side of Sam… this 'Hell Sam'." Bobby stood at the window and stared out over the salvage yard. Coffee mug in one hand and phone in the other. "This frayed soul… he's angry… and mean to a fault… evil. He almost killed Sam… himself. I think he would have, if Alta hadn't got through to him and got him to stop. He would have whipped Sam to death." Bobby sighed. "Alta's strong and she knows how to fight… she knows how to protect herself… but Sam's a big guy and he's powerful."

"You're saying you think…" Dean glanced at Ben again. He was definitely listening and Dean hoped his side of the conversation was vague enough that Ben wouldn't be suspicious. "What _are_ you saying, Bobby?"

"I don't know… maybe I'm just being paranoid."

"Think I should drop by?"

"Maybe… might be a good idea. Why don't you come by later… after you check on your brother?"

Bobby flipped his phone closed and headed into his study.

"What's wrong with Sam?" Ben was a perceptive kid. He knew something was up. "I was gonna go by Sam and Alta's today."

"He told Bobby they needed a day off." Dean locked eyes with Ben. "You two sure did get kind of chummy over all that soccer you played."

"Yea. He helped me a lot." Ben suddenly found his eggs extremely interesting and Dean's instincts told him Ben was hiding something. His actions looked too much like a guilty Sammy when he was 13… and when Sammy was thirteen the thing he was guilty of… the thing he was fighting for… was to be able to be like Dad and like Dean… he wanted to go on a hunt… and he didn't stop until he found a way to hunt… Dean gazed at Ben and wondered. Ben had been so excited to go on the sleep over at the house because he thought it was a hunt… and Sam fell into the teaching mode with Ben _so easily_… and Ben responded _so naturally_ to Sam's teaching… as if… Dean had a tight feeling in the pit of his stomach as pieces of the puzzle fell into place and reality dawned on him. As if… _They had done this before_… Sam had been teaching… training Ben! Dean was certain of it.

"Ben, what else have you and Sam been up to?" Dean tried to lock eyes with Ben but Ben was looking at anything and everything except Dean. _Guilt… if Dean had ever seen it._ "Ben! Don't lie to me."

Ben finally sighed and looked at Dean. "He's been teaching me how to defend myself. So I won't be an easy target."

"You couldn't come to me?" Dean knew the answer as soon as the question left his mouth.

"You wouldn't train me. Every time I tried to get you to teach me you started yelling at me!" Ben threw his fork down on his plate and stood to leave.

"Wait… just wait a minute, Ben." Dean took a deep breath. "You're right. I am… emotional about you… getting caught up in all this… stuff."

"You mean _hunting_." If Dean was going to talk about it then Ben was going to push it.

"Yes. You don't know what you're asking. You don't want to be a hunter, Ben."

"No. _You _don't want me to be a hunter, Dean." Ben was passionate.

"You have choices, Ben. Sam and I didn't have a choice." Dean was just as passionate. "You can be anything you want."

"I can be anything _but a_ _hunter_." Ben shot back at Dean. "I can choose as long as I_ don't _choose hunting. That's what you're saying."

"You don't know what it's really like. You have some childish romantic notion…"

"It doesn't matter!" Ben interrupted. "The monsters are out there. They're real and they are coming whether I'm ready or not. I'd rather hunt them than be a victim…" Bed dropped his head and his voice was soft. "…like mom was."

Dean stared at Ben. _He's clever… like Sam. He's determined… like a Winchester…_ "What has he taught you so far?"

"I'm not stopping, Dean. I'm gonna keep on training…"

"I know." Dean was resigned and he wondered what he was going to tell Lisa and just how angry she would be. "Tell me what you've done so far."

**… … …**

They were on the road for a couple of hours before they came to Lake Andes. The land was still flat and field after field of crops flew by them but the lake stretched out on the right of them for miles and miles. Finally Sam pulled off at a state park and booked a cabin for the night.

They hiked along the lake. "Feels good to stretch my legs." Sam grinned at Alta. _I've never seen him look so young… boyish… playful. _In truth he was younger than her but only by three years and when she'd first met him… when he was soulless… he seemed so much older. He was rarely playful or spontaneous like this. She knew this part of him was more like Sammy… and she liked it. He pulled off his backpack and took out a blanket.

"You came prepared." She took the blanket from him and spread it out in a shady spot.

He produced a bottle of wine from the backpack. "I didn't bring glasses. We'll have to drink from the bottle."

"I can do that." She giggled and Sam wondered how long it had been since he'd seen her laugh. Too long… way too long. He plopped down on the blanket and motioned for her to join him.

They lay on the blanket and watched nature's beauty around them. Sam pointed to a bird soaring high above the lake. "Might be an eagle. It's definitely a raptor of some kind. Big enough to be an eagle." She gazed up at the beautiful bird as it glided on the wind in lazy circles. Its wings stretched out and she could see the flight feathers spread out like fingers touching… feeling the air flowing through them. The graceful movements of its body and tail were captivating as it made wide gliding turns, circling in flight. "Eagles mate for life." His eyes were on the eagle as he reached to Alta and pulled her close to him.

"Look." She pointed to a second eagle. It was smaller but just as graceful. "I wonder if they're mates."

"Looks like. The female is usually larger than the male." Sam smiled down at her. He wondered if she thought he was geeky. But she seemed fascinated by the birds as they soared in slow circles around each other, coming close and then winding away to turn and cross paths again. Each time they passed they came closer before they circled their way back up. "A pair will do a mid-air mating dance."

"Sounds sweet."

"Maybe… they soar very high and they circle each other in mid-air." Look! He pointed again toward the pair of eagles as they made contact but broke quickly apart, circling back around toward each other. "It usually takes them several tries before they are able to lock talons." He interlaced his fingers and pulled on his hands imitating the talons of the eagles pulling against each other. "…and spiral downward in free-fall. They may plummet toward the earth for 15 seconds or more. Sometimes they come as close as 20 feet from the ground before they release each other and fly off." As if on cue the eagles met and locked together. They seemed to struggle against each other as they fell, picking up speed the closer they came to the surface of the lake. And just as Sam had said they would, the eagles released their hold in the nick of time and flew off in opposite directions, circling around to cross paths and spiral around each other as they lifted heavenward.

"I see why it's called a dance. It's beautiful."

"No one knows why they do this ritual." Sam looked down at Alta. "I think it's about trust. Maybe they are testing to see just how strongly they can hold on to each other… to see if they can hold on even in the face of death."

She looked into his eyes. _Are you testing me?_ She wanted to ask.

"Maybe that's what my soul wanted to do. Clasp talons and spiral toward death with you… to see if you would hold on and go there with me."

"I guess I failed."

Sam gazed at her then held her chin as he kissed her softly. "He's confused. He doesn't know just how perfect you are."

"Sam, you know how crazy that sounds?"

Sam laughed. "You ought to know how crazy it feels!"

"No! I don't need to know how crazy it feels." They both laughed. Sam took a sip of wine.

"I promise you I won't do that again. I won't hurt you… not ever." His look was sincere.

"Well, I think I've gotten that promise from two out of the three of you."

**… … …**

"Sam gave you this?" Dean held the silver butterfly knife in his hand. He rubbed his fingers over the initials engraved on the handle. S.W. He remembered when Dad gave Sam the knife. It was on his tenth birthday. By that time Sam was already adept at handling a switch blade. He had been so excited and so proud. He kept that blade with him at all times. And Dean had been careful to keep that knife along with Sam's other weapons because before they left to go to say 'yes' to Lucifer he and Sam had carefully packed away all his weapons and the few belongings he had. It was the one time that Sam didn't take that knife with him.

"He told me to keep it until he could buy me one of my own." Ben looked at Dean hoping that telling him was not the wrong thing to do but all the while he felt as if he was betraying Sam. "Don't be mad at Sam. I talked him into it."

Dean eyed Ben. "If Sam didn't think it was the right thing to do, you would have never been able to talk him into it." Dean handed the knife back to Ben. "I just wish we could have been honest with each other." It wasn't the only thing Dean wished they could have been honest about.

Ben took the knife, holding it in his hand and staring down at it like he hated to put it away. Dean sensed his need.

"Show me what you can do."

"Ok." Ben's smile was grateful. He flipped the knife open one handed, with fluid ease. His movements as he flipped it back closed were nimble. Dean could see Sam's elegant hand teaching Ben.

"That was good." Dean smiled and scrubbed the top of Ben's head. "You've been practicing."

"Wanna see what else?" Ben's pride was obvious.

"Yea. You know, blades are Sam's expertise. So, I guess you could say you learned from a master."

Ben showed Dean other moves he had been practicing. "What's your expertise?"

"Guns." Dean stated flatly. He knew what was coming next.

"Maybe I could learn from a master, then." Dean could see that manipulating was Ben's expertise. But he would avoid that for now.

"Come on. Let's go see what Sam and Alta are up to." They headed out to the Impala.

When Dean and Ben got to Sam's the house was locked up. Both cars were there but the bike was gone. "Wonder where they are?" Dean thought out loud. He opened his phone and hit Sam's number.

_This is Sam. Leave me a message._

He hit Alta's number.

_This is Alta. Leave me a message. _"I guess they're off the grid for a while. Did Sam say anything to you about going off anywhere… on a hunt, maybe?" Dean looked at Ben.

"No." Ben was peeking into the front windows.

"Might as well teach you how to pick a lock." He pulled out his kit and handed it to Ben. "You only use this skill on a hunt. You don't ever use it to steal from a civilian." Dean gave Ben his sternest look. "If I get called down to jail to bail you out on a B&E, I'm gonna kick your ass. And that's my other expertise!"

"Is this a hunt?" Ben asked.

"Well, yea… we're just making sure nothing has happened to Sam or Alta." Dean knew Ben was going to ask hard questions… just like Sam had always done. Maybe it would be better for Ben. He would learn the best from both of them and together they would be different from Dad.

**… … …**

Dean had spent the day with Ben. He watched him practice with the knife, taught him some hand to hand and talked a little about ghosts. He thought he would start Ben on some routine salt & burns, just as Dad had done with him. It was near sundown when Dean left Ben at home to go by Bobby's.

"He didn't say anything to you about where he was going?"

Bobby looked thoughtful. "Well he did say they needed some time. If they're not answering, I guess he really meant it."

"Just like that?" Dean squared off at Bobby. "You're the one who put this worry in my head. Now all of a sudden you're not concerned?"

"I'm concerned." Bobby gave him the look both Dean and Sam knew so well. _Watch your tone, boy._ "But what can we do but wait and see. They're off on his Harley. They could be anywhere within a few hundred mile radius by now." Bobby poured whiskey in his glass and offered the bottle to Dean.

"I just hate it when he won't answer his phone! He drives me crazy worrying."

"Look, I'm sorry I said anything." Bobby flipped the pages of the book he was studying. "Maybe we're both being too much 'mother hens' over Sam. It's not like Alta wasn't with him soulless for months."

"Yea, but soulless was one thing… what happened to him the other night… Damn…" Dean brushed his hand over his eyes. "Well, she was the one who got his flayed soul to stop."

"If anyone can handle him, I guess it would be Alta."

"If he does anything to hurt her… I'll kick his ass… flayed soul or not. He knows better." Dean let out a heavy sigh. "I taught him better."

"We're borrowing trouble here." Bobby was genuinely sorry he let Dean know his concerns. "They're probably off somewhere having some well-deserved time together." Bobby gulped down his whisky and looked at the bottle wondering if he really needed another. He knew Dean didn't. "Look, the poor kid's chances with anybody are slim to none. At least with another hunter… with Alta he might be able to build a relationship. In spite of everything they have going against them, she seems to love him."

"I know." Dean sighed. "It's about as close to 'normal' as Sam's ever gonna get."

"Well, we should stay out of it and give them a chance."

**… … …**

Alta stood on the deck of their cabin reliving the perfect day. They had spent the afternoon by the lake exploring. They took time to talk… to laugh… touch… hold… kiss. The lake glowed, reflecting the oranges, reds, pinks and violets of the clouds as the sun set over the water. Sam looked pensive as he watched the last bit of daylight die. "A day like this could almost make you forget the evil."

"Don't spoil it. Let's keep pretending." Alta didn't want to lose the light mood of this day. It was special and so very rare. She ran her hand down his cheek and he smiled, his eyes lit up.

"You're right." Was that mischief she saw on his face? "We came out here to get away." He put his arms around her sliding his hands down to her hips and pulling her against him. He bent down… she reach up until their lips were a whisper apart. No longer playful, his eyes were dark, half closed as he gazed at her green eyes. The scent of her passion was irresistible. He breathed against her lips and she tasted his words. "I want you… so very much." The taste of him… his smell… his presence… she suddenly felt nervous. _Which Sam was he?_ She was uncertain. She tried not to think about it but the memory of his brutal flayed soul came to mind. He saw it in her eyes; smelled the fear and it was intoxicating. She stepped back and he stepped forward keeping the distance between them only that thin whisper of space. Part of him wanted to reassure her but part of him wanted to drink in her fear.

Sam backed her up against the wall of the cabin. His hands were planted on either side of her as if he wanted to trap her. He watched as she began to pant. Alta tried to breath but she couldn't get the air out of her. She felt like her chest would explode. If it was anyone else but Sam… anyone, she would have stopped him… she would have escaped this tight spot. But it was Sam… and he promised. She felt like a helpless child. He could feel her muscles tense. He knew she was a second away from breaking this standoff. She was coiled tightly like a snake ready to strike. He moved from her mouth to her ear, his breath hot, moist. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promised you, I'll never hurt you." He clasped her hands weaving his fingers with hers. "We've done this dance before. You know me." He pulled back and held her eyes with his.

Alta sighed; the air rushing out of her like a storm. This was Sam… her Sam… the Sam she fell in love with… hunted with… the Sam who clawed his way beyond the wall to find her. They _had_ done this dance before. They had circled around each other, coming close and then winding away to turn and cross paths again and again. They had locked talons had pulled against each other and spiraled downward in free-fall. They had tumbled toward death together. He watched the emotions play across her face; knew when she whispered his name it was for him. He smiled at her half closed eyes… her lips so ready for his kiss. He quickly covered her lips with his, running his tongue across them urging her to open for him. His tongue darted into her mouth, teasing her with tiny tastes, begging her to taste him. She touched her tongue to his lips and he captured it, sucking her in to explore. As their tongues twined together she could hear him moan.

It was Alta that began easing them toward the bed. She moved backward reaching for him and pulling at his arms… his shirt… his neck…urging him to follow her. He smiled at her desperate moves… smelled the passion radiating from her; burning desire… for him. When he hesitated she demanded… "Sam." … and pleaded… "Please." That plea from her was all it took to make him come undone. He began with her clothes… unbuttoning… pulling… tossing aside. His clothes quickly followed and he gazed down at her as she lay across the bed beneath him.

His eyes fell on the bruises he'd left on her hips and his lips quickly followed as he kissed each mark softly. "No don't… it's alright…" She pleaded and pulled at his hair trying to make him stop… to bring him away from the marks. But he resisted her efforts until he had kissed all ten marks. And then he slowly moved to hover over her. He dropped his head; his mouth to her ear. "He'll never touch you like that again. I will never let it happen… never again."

_She's mine. You touch her again and I will kill you! I will kill us all! _His threat went unanswered_._

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoyed the little bit if fluff. I know Alta did.  
>Never fear, Crowley will rear his 'fugly' head again and Castiel will be back in play soon.<strong>_

_**So, take a moment and comment. Let me know what you think. I really appreciate it.  
>Thanks to all who comment, alert and favorite my story or me as an author. <strong>_


	34. Chapter 34

_**Family Secrets: Part two**_ – _chapter 14_

_I don't own Supernatural or the characters from the show. Alta and Maggie Neil are my creations._

_**Give me a word**_

_**Give me a sign**_

_**Show me where to look**_

_**Tell me what will I find?**_

_**What will I find?**_

_**Lay me on the ground**_

_**Fly me in the sky**_

_**Show me where to look**_

_**Tell me what will I find?**_

_**What will I find?**_

_Shine – Collective Soul_

**_... ... ..._**

He heard the sound echo through his soul; the final clank of the closing door locking him forever in the cage. There was silence and fear washed through him like a tidal wave. _What have I done?_ Adam eyes were wide with fear… the same question obvious on his face. _What have you done?_ … it was there for a tiny instant before his face contorted in pain. Michael was slowly emerging from him… through his skin. Sam was awe-struck by the sight, terrible and beautiful. He thought it looked like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon; a shining glowing butterfly, blinding in its brightness. And like a discarded cocoon, Adam fell limp as Michael finally shook himself free from his vessel.

"Adam!" Sam ran to his brother. _He's alive, trapped. This was not supposed to happen._ "No, no, no… Adam… I'm sorry… so sorry." There was no time to care for Adam before Sam's body abruptly seized with the agonizing pain of Lucifer breaking himself free from his vessel. His flesh was seared as the blinding bright Angel ripped through the cells of his body tearing him apart. Sam's scream blended with Lucifer's as the Angel emerged from him bit by bit; the long moments stretching endlessly until his visage rose over the helpless humans on the floor of the cage. Sam turned his terrified eyes up toward Lucifer and saw his angry and hate filled face soaring hundreds of feet above him, breathing his heavy, burning, sulfurous breath over Sam's body.

Above them the two Angels soared and tore at each other; the bright white wings of Michael battling with the glowing dark wings of Lucifer. Hot waves of hatred and evil flew out from their beating wings burning and torturing everything in their path.

The bed shook as Sam's body jolted, bringing both him and Alta out of sleep. He was still trembling in fear. He lay with his back to her, his breath coming in deep heaves, his eyes screwed shut. She could hear him hissing as he pulled the air in through clenched teeth. "Sam?" He steeled himself against her touch.

Sam had drawn himself into a fetal position, his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. His entire body was clammy with sweat. The last time... the only time she'd seen him like this... he had been beaten nearly to death. She knew it was his flayed soul that controlled his mind and she feared what would happen next.

"I'm ok. It was a dream... a memory. It's over now... I'm ok..." He released his knees and his body began to relax. Slowly his legs moved to uncurl themselves. His back began to straighten. He kept the memory but little by little he let the terror go. Alta reached out to sooth him. She touched his back, running her hand across his shoulders and felt him shiver. He knew it was coming, had tried to prepare himself for it but it was more than he could stand. He needed her touch, wanted it, but his body screamed in pain. More than the burning breath, the tearing whip, the ripping claws of Lucifer he cringed from her gentle touch.

"Stop... I can't" He wanted to lash out at her but he dared not. If he hurt her he would die. It was like being tied to the walls of the cage again. So he lay still and waited for the pain. But she moved her hands away, back to her sides.

"Tell me... Was it a memory of Hell... of Lucifer?"

"Yes" He whispered. He rolled to his back and looked down at her. "You _don't_ want to know."

"You're right about that." She met his questioning eyes. "But you probably don't either."

"Alta I can't tell you because I can't describe..." He sighed; a ragged breath. "You can't imagine... how it… felt."

"You tried to make me feel it... the pain." She was beginning to understand his need to lash out at her.

"Yes... and the fear." He stared at the ceiling.

"You tried to make Sam... yourself... the one who got out of the cage... the one that didn't have to suffer... you wanted him to feel what you felt." His actions had been brutal. He almost killed Sam and himself in the process but she understood.

"Yes." He waited for her to hate him, to despise him.

"Will you know... will all of you know that memory now?" It was so bizarre. It was like being in bed with a stranger. This Sam frightened her and yet he seemed frightened of her, like a scared child. She knew his strength, knew what he was capable of. She dared not anger him. "Are you three or are you one?"

"I'm alone." His voice was soft. He didn't move but remained flat on his back his eyes focused on the ceiling.

"I'm here." She was carefully, slowly moving to lie on her side facing him. She laid her hand on his chest so gently, making contact with him in slow stages. His cringe was almost imperceptible… almost. But she felt it and waited for him to calm. "Tell me."

His flayed nerves burned where she touched, the pain as intense as Lucifer's vile touch when he clawed Sam's soul apart so he could listen to him scream. He wanted… needed to hurt her… hurt himself… someone. Sam swallowed hard and willed himself to lie still. She wasn't Lucifer, she wasn't evil, and he knew that. She wanted to help, didn't mean to hurt and didn't know it caused him pain. He wondered if it would get better… if his flayed nerves would heal and how long that would take. "Tell you? Tell you what?"

"Whatever you need me to know. Whatever you need the others to know." She was going on pure instinct. She had no idea if she was helping him or making it worse.

"It hurts to be out here… in this place. But…" He dropped the thought.

"But… you're lonely."

"Yes." He didn't say any more than that. She didn't push any more. His eyes closed and he slipped back to safety… back to the wall to nurse his wounds. Alta sensed him leaving, felt his body relax. She knew the moment was over. He was like a wounded animal and she wondered if he would ever trust her… ever be able to forgive himself.

**… … …**

Alta woke that morning alone. She ran her hands across the sheets and wondered where Sam had gotten to. It reminded her of the all the mornings she woke up alone when he didn't have a soul and didn't sleep. She would usually hear his breathing, the deep controlled rush of inhale/exhale as he worked out or the faint tapping of keys on the laptop as he searched for cases. But she didn't hear either this morning. She glanced around the one room cabin and didn't see him. When she found coffee made, she poured herself a cup.

Walking out on the deck she curled into one of the wooden Adirondack chairs and watched the sparkling waters on the surface of the lake. The thunder of the Harley announced Sam's arrival. She listened to his footsteps as he made his way up the front porch. She was pretty sure it wouldn't be Hell Sam who was out on the bike this early in the morning so she wasn't concerned about who would come through the cabin and out onto the deck.

"I called Dean to let him know where we are." Sam sat next to her. He unwrapped one of the take out packages he brought and took a bite passing her a second package. "Croissant, from the bakery in town." His smile was easy and relaxed. "My second…" He grinned and mumbled as he chewed. "Bobby and Cas went to New London to get info on the case. I'd like to stay here awhile but I'd like to finish what I started."

Alta hated to bail on a hunt as much as Sam did. She finished her croissant and stood. "Here's another place we need to remember. Lake Andes and Grove Park Bed and Breakfast" She grinned at Sam. "How 'bout that? We're developing a past."

"Yea, we have favorite places." He chuckled. "We should get a favorite song."

**… … …**

Sam and Alta went straight to Bobby's when they reached Sioux Falls. The early morning ride was exhilarating. The same farmland flew by as they retraced their path from yesterday morning. Harvesting was in full swing. It was the first time Alta recognized the smell of Fall in the air. She thought it was as if someone flipped the switch and turned off green. The foliage seemed to have turned to gold, red and yellow overnight. The chill of the morning would burn off by midday, but winter's cold would not be long in coming.

**… … …**

"Those burn marks are awfully suspicious and all the victims had the same scarring. They were all tortured in the same way." Bobby laid out his assessment. "Like you said, it's most likely Crowley sucking up souls."

"We didn't have any time to examine the bodies alone. Has Crowley stepped up his game?" Sam raised the question they had all feared; that Crowley would move from creatures to civilians.

"That's the good news. They were all vampires." Bobby answered.

"So besides beheading them, you can kill a vampire by stealing its soul?" Dean questioned.

"I suppose. And most monsters… " Bobby's eyes dropped to the reports on his desk. "… humans too, I suspect."

A rush of Angel's wings and Castiel appeared in the middle of the room. "He's not using human souls yet, but I fear it is just a matter of time." Castiel's voice was calm. "We need to find a way to stop him before he takes that step."

"He knows we're after him." Bobby looked at Sam and then at Dean. "Apparently he's gone to ground. There hasn't been any more kills."

"Or he's cleaned out the nest." Alta said.

"Which means what?" Dean asked. "We wait for him to kill again?"

"You got a better idea... I'm all ears." Bobby replied.

"Guess the ball's in his court then." Sam sighed. "We need move at anything suspicious. _Anything._ I want to nail him as soon as we can... before he steps up his game and starts sucking up humans."

"Well, that sounds vaguely dirty." Dean's face twisted in disgust. "So just how are we gonna nail him? As you keep reminding me, we don't have the colt. We don't have Ruby's knife. So how do we kill him?"

"We have to play his game." Everyone looked at Castiel. "I can kill him if I consume enough souls."

"What are you saying?" Dean didn't like the sound of this at all. "You want us to hunt for you so you can amp up your power and do the same as Crowley? What's the damn difference?"

"The difference is that Cas isn't evil and he isn't out to dominate the earth. He'll stop as soon as he's killed Crowley." Sam could see the possibilities but both Dean and Bobby were skeptical.

"I'm glad you have so much faith in Cas and I think a lot of him too" Bobby countered. "But where's the guarantee that consuming souls and gaining all that power won't become a habit that's kinda hard to break?"

"I am able to obtain souls without your help and I don't need your permission." Castiel stated flatly. All the hunters looked at him wondering.

"Wait. What happens to you if you consume monster souls?" Alta wondered aloud. "Doesn't that kind of… pollute your soul, I mean… isn't that_ evil_ you would be… sucking into yourself?"

"Interesting question." Bobby said. "With Crowley… he's evil beyond belief anyway. Who could tell the difference?"

"We can't worry about that." Castiel stared into Dean's eyes. "Crowley has to be stopped at any cost."

"Well, I got a personal grudge with him. So do Sam and Alta… and Bobby." Dean glanced at each one as he named out everyone in the room but Castiel. "What's in this for you? It isn't just helping me and Sam. It's something more than that." Dean's eyes were locked with Castiel's. "What is it?"

"He is already the King of Hell. Lucifer is the only thing that can keep him in check and Lucifer has turned so evil… so vile that we are no longer sure that he will serve his purpose."

"Wait…" Alta asked. "His purpose? What is his purpose?"

"His purpose is to Lord over the damned souls in Hell. But he's been in Hell so long, keeping watch over the damned that he has become corrupt and damned himself." Castiel spoke with no emotion. "That is why more and more demons are making it to the surface. His corruption was foretold. The apocalypse is a result of it and it is part of the process."

"What process?" Sam asked.

"There must be a new Lord over Hell. If we don't stop him… it will be Crowley." Castiel's face was grave. "We believe it should be another, an Angel, not Crowley to be Lord over Hell."

"Who is we?" Bobby asked.

"The Angels, the host of heaven." Castiel replied as if it should be obvious. "All of this has been written. You know this."

"Wait… Is Chuck still writing all this crap?" Dean asked.

"No. Chuck is only one of many profits."

"You mean somebody else is writing our lives… again?" Dean's hands flew up in resignation. "I shoulda known."

"The Winchester Gospels are finished. You should not assume that everything is about you and your brother." Castiel's remark brought a wide eyed glance from Dean. But as suddenly as Castiel had appeared, he disappeared.

"He is such a dick sometimes." Dean raised his hands in frustration. "This sucks ass!" His hands fell to slap against his thighs; the sound echoing through the room. The other hunters were speechless, staring at the spot where Castiel had been.

"We need to figure out what's going on." Bobby was the first to recover. "Cas said this had been foretold. Maybe I can find something. It's gonna take some digging…" Bobby sighed. "… a lot of digging. I could use some help. Sam?"

"Yes, of course." Sam looked at Alta. "We need to find the colt." His eyes moved to Dean. "The last place we saw it was in Carthage."

"Yea, when we shot Lucifer." Dean's face was thoughtful. "But the colt couldn't kill him."

"He's an Angel. The colt won't kill Angels, but Crowley's a demon. We know it will kill demons."

"Let's hope it will kill _super amped up_ demons." Dean shook his head. "I guess were headed to Carthage."

"I can't go." Sam spoke softly.

"Wait… what?" Dean turned to face his brother his eyes full of concern.

"I'll stay and help Bobby. Alta can go with you." He gave her a questioning look.

"I'll go." She knew Sam wasn't ready to push his luck with his flayed soul again.

"I can't believe you're gonna stay here. Seriously? You're passing up a hunt?"

"Long story." Dean recognized the Winchester code for _I don't want to talk about it_. And he knew he could get the information from Alta on the trip out to Carthage.

"Ok." He turned from Sam to Alta. "We leave first thing in the morning."

"I'll be ready."

"Good." Dean locked eyes with Sam and motioned toward the door. Sam nodded in return and they walked out on the porch together.

"I have something that belongs to you." Sam looked down at the silver butterfly knife in Dean's hand. He didn't need to see the initials to know it was his. "S.W." Dean ran his hand over the initials on the handle. Sam looked up to meet his brother's eyes. He didn't say anything. He wondered how much Dean knew... if he thought Ben stole it or if he knew Sam gave it to him and had been training him. He waited to see what Dean would say. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?" It was Dean's turn to wait for a response.

"I gave it to Ben." Sam took the knife from Dean. Gazing down at it, he sighed. "He was desperate to be trained, Dean."

"You had no right. Ben's my responsibility."

"You wouldn't train him." Sam met his brother's angry expression with as much calm as he could muster. Dean was right, Ben was his responsibility. "But he needs to be able to defend himself. He's determined, Dean and we can either train him or he will get himself killed."

"Damn it Sam, I just wanted him to be able to choose something else. You of all people know how I feel about this. We didn't have a choice, but he does."

"No, Dean. He doesn't have a choice any more than we did." Sam sighed. His eyes were dark and sad; his brow furrowed as he locked eyes with his brother. "He's a Winchester and the monsters will be drawn to him just like they were drawn to Dad; like they are drawn to you and me... like they were drawn to Adam."

_Adam... Adam... Adam! Somewhere in the back of Sam's mind the name echoed. He heard his own voice calling his name and bouncing off the walls of... the walls of... Hell._

"Sam!" Dean's sharp voice brought Sam back to the present; back to the issue of Ben. "Ben's not a Winchester. Lisa told me herself. She had DNA testing done. Anyway that's no excuse for going behind my back."

"He's a Winchester, Dean. Lisa's lying." The accusation hit Dean like a blow to the gut. He stared at Sam in disbelief. "I don't know why... I only know that I can smell the lie on her."

"What do you mean 'you can smell...' you can't smell a lie! What's wrong with you?"

"There's nothing_ 'wrong'_ with me, Dean. It's just something that happened to me when I was soulless. I don't know how to explain it but I smell emotions, like fear..." Sam sighed. Dean was looking at him like he was a freak and Sam hated that worse than anything... when Dean looked at him that way. "It's just that the way I sense things is different... or I'm more sensitive to smells. I don't know, Dean. But I do know that Lisa was lying and Ben is a Winchester. He's your son!"

"I don't believe you!"

"Test him. It's easy enough to get a cheek swab. Lisa wouldn't even have to know and you'll see that I'm right."

"No! I'm not going behind Lisa's back."

"Fine, but he needs to be trained, Dean. If I can smell the Winchester in him, you can bet every demon, Angel and monster out there will smell it on him too. That includes Crowley."

Dean dropped his head into his hands and sighed. "I don't know about the rest of all this stuff... But you're right about training him."

"You're gonna train him?" Sam was surprised. He expected this to be a long drawn out battle between them.

"All of us. You, me, Alta and Bobby. It's probably the best training anyone could get." Dean eyed Sam with a sly smile. "He showed me what you taught him with the knife. He's been practicing... and... he's good."

"He's a natural, just like you were." Sam turned the knife in his hands. "I taped the blade so he wouldn't accidentally cut himself." He flipped the knife open and saw the tape still in place over the blade. He looked up at Dean. The proud smiles and knowing looks that passed between the brothers said it all. _He's gonna be good._

**... … …**

Dean was meeting Lisa for lunch in town and he asked Sam and Alta to come with him. The four of them met at Café 35, one of the restaurants near Lisa's Yoga studio.

"Alta, it's so good to see you." Lisa greeted Alta with a warm hug. "Sam, good to see you too." She smiled. They took the opportunity to fill Lisa in on the plans for Sam and Bobby to stay in town to do research and for Dean and Alta to go to Carthage on recon. They left out details. Dean felt it would be better if she didn't know too much and Sam and Alta agreed.

Lisa seemed unusually nervous to Alta. She kept sneaking glances at her. The hunter in Alta was on alert. Sam seemed not to notice, neither did Dean. Alta thought she might be mistaken but as the lunch went on, she became certain there was something on Lisa's mind… something about her. Alta wondered if it was jealousy. Was Lisa concerned about Dean and her going on a trip together? Was she jealous? Alta wouldn't have to wait long for her answer.

"Alta, I'd love for you to come by and see my new studio. I'm sure the guys can find something to occupy them for a few minutes."

"I'd love to." _Whatever it is… we'll settle it quickly_. Alta was ready to set Lisa straight about any doubts she might have. She was in love with Sam and she would never be unfaithful… especially with his brother. _What could Lisa be thinking?_

Alta had never been much for Yoga. She didn't really know much about it so she didn't know what to expect a yoga studio to be like. She knew it incorporated meditation. So she wasn't surprised that it was dark. The floors were dark polished wood, the walls painted a dark blue and the ceiling a rich brown that reflected the deep wood of the floor. It had a calming effect.

"I don't know much… anything, really about yoga." Alta was looking around. "This is nice. Is your business doing well?"

"I could teach you yoga if you want… and you can teach me about the supernatural."

"Whoa… How random is that, Lisa?" Alta wasn't sure how to take that request. "What do you want to know?"

"Teach me how to be brave." Lisa was sincere and she turned to face Alta. "You aren't fazed by anything. That man, Christian almost killed you and you didn't even flinch."

"Oh, I flinched… believe me, I flinched." Alta remembered being certain that she would never be able to escape Christian's blade and that she would certainly die.

"Were you scared?"

"Of course, I was terrified. I thought it was the end for me. If Sam hadn't been there… he would have killed me. There was no way out for me."

"But you kept on going… when Sam killed him; you just picked up your weapon and..."

"Lisa…" Alta interrupted her. "I can't teach you to be brave. That's something that comes from inside you." Alta thought for a minute; what was Lisa really asking? "I can teach you to defend yourself. You don't have to be helpless. And I guess… when you can defend yourself, you can be brave."

"Good. That's what I want. I don't want to be helpless and scared all the time. You could come here to the studio and we can teach each other."

"You've thought this out, haven't you?"

Lisa smiled and reached over to touch Alta's arm. "Thanks, Alta. You're a good friend."

**... … …**

Dean winced at the raw, red earth that marked the mass grave. He remembered the exhilarating feeling when he shot Lucifer and watched his body crumple to the ground. And he remembered the heart broken look on Sam's face as Lucifer gasped, then rose up; the wound healing as they watched. They had failed. They had hoped… had dreamed that it would end well… would end easy… as easy as killing Lucifer on this unholy ground.

Dean and Alta searched the area walking slowly over every inch of a broad swath of land looking for any sign of the colt but found nothing.

Finally Alta sighed. "We have a plan B?"

"We find out who owns the land and talk to them."

"We can check any antique shops or gun shops."

"Can I help you folks?" A woman's voice floated across the field. She sounded annoyed. "You know you're trespassing." The woman was a stout middle aged woman with long mousey brown hair, laced with a few strands of gray and pulled back tightly at the nape of her neck. She held a shotgun draped across one arm and she came toward them stomping across the field in knee high mud boots.

"I'm sorry." Alta gave her most sincere look. "I heard about what happened here a couple of years back. It was tragic. I heard there were a lot of deaths."

"Well, yes. That's true. Near wiped out the whole town." The woman eyed Alta and then Dean. "You're not reporters are you?"

"No, FBI, actually." Dean produced an ID badge. "I'm agent Young." He motioned to Alta. "Agent Scott… and you are?"

"Maggie... Maggie Neil. And you're a little late aren't you."

"Well, we've reopened the case. Some new evidence has come to light."

"My ass!" The woman huffed and Dean shot Alta a look. "What new evidence?"

"I'm not at liberty to say," Dean maintained his authoritarian tone. "…but can you tell me what you know about what happened immediately after the incident? Was there anything taken from the site that might be evidence?"

"Not that I'm aware of. But I wasn't here at the time. I inherited this land from my uncle. He died in the massacre."

"Did your Uncle have any antique guns? Did you perhaps find and antique pistol here, or near here?"

"No, I can't say that I did. But it was about six months before I moved here."

"Thank you very much for your help. We'll just be out of your way." They headed back to the Impala. The woman watched them closely as they left.

"She seem a little too edgy to you?" Dean asked.

"Maybe, a little."

They made the circuit of gun shops, antique shops and even pawn shops but turned up nothing.

"I think we should check Maggie Neil. She just might be hiding something." Dean headed for the Acorn Inn. This was going to take some time. "Too much to ask that the colt would be just lying out there waiting for us to come pick it up."

Alta laughed. "No, no such luck."

**... ... ...**

Sam and Bobby had been deep in Bobby's library all day. Finally Sam stopped long enough to step out on the porch and give Alta a call. He gazed out over the salvage yard his hazel eyes not seeing the rusted cars that lay before him, seeing instead Alta's green eyes.

When Alta's phone rang, she knew instinctively it was Sam. Dean looked up from his computer screen to watch her as she stepped outside to take the call. He could tell by the way she flushed when she read the name on her phone it was Sam. It was like a light flipped on inside her. Dean smiled to himself and he wondered if Lisa's face lit up that way. He took out his phone and dialed her.

"Sam?"

"Hey, Alta. I just wanted to call. I wanted to hear your voice."

"Yea, I miss you too." She gazed out over the parking lot suddenly wishing she'd picked up a jacket before she headed out. The night was chilly and it made her shiver.

"You alright?" Sam could sense her shivering through the phone.

"Yea, I'm fine." She smiled. He couldn't see it but he could feel it. "We're not having much luck here so we're staying at the Acorn Inn. Just doing some research."

"We have to dig deep into some very ancient lore. A lot of translating from Latin, Greek and Hebrew." Sam sighed. "It's slow going… very tedious… I miss you." He wanted to say more. She could tell he was struggling. "I could come out and help with the research."

"No, Sam. It wouldn't be good for you to be here. Not with what happened last time. Besides you need to be helping Bobby figure out this mess. Dean and I can do this. We'll be fine."

"I know." He missed her and he wanted her. There was a long silence. As Sam continued to gaze out over the yard and he thought of Alta, his eyes became dark and he felt his desire for her burning hot.

"Sam?"

"I'm here." She sensed the change in his voice. Somehow it was just a little deeper, darker.

"I thought we got cut off."

"No… I was just thinking." She was suddenly aware of his breath… she could almost feel it.

"What? Tell me what you were thinking about." She knew what he was thinking about. She was thinking about it as well. He could hear a change in her voice. It was softer, just a little deeper.

"I was thinking about you… I can see your eyes. I like to watch your eyes."

"Ummm" She felt his desire.

"I like to watch your eyes when I make love to you." His breath hissed through his teeth and she felt the sudden hot rush of desire. "Your eyes glaze and they beg me for more."

"Sam." Her voice was thick with desire. "I…"

"I like to watch your body… the way you hunch against me when I'm deep inside you. I can feel your heat. I love it when you're so hot and wet… hot and wet for me."

"Sam…" Alta was breathless…. Breathless and burning. "I wish I could touch you."

"Oh, yea. I love you to touch me." His body was fast to respond and his hard erection strained against his jeans. "I love to feel your hands on me."

"How about my lips?" She teased. "You like my lips?"

"Oh, yea…" He could no more help the heavy breath that came from him than he could stop the world from turning. She heard it, she felt it, and she could see his chest swell with that breath and her sigh matched his. "I'd like to have my hands and my lips on you. I love the smell of you… I love to taste you."

It was much later when Alta came back into the room. Dean had long since finished his conversation with Lisa. He noticed her face was flushed and she moved quickly across the room headed straight for the bathroom. If it was Sammy he would never let an opportunity like this pass… _Oh what the hell? She's practically family._

"Phone sex?" Dean grinned at Alta. She glanced quickly back at him.

"Shut up!" She slammed the bathroom door. She could still hear Dean's chuckle.

When she came out of the bathroom, Dean was already asleep. His rhythmic breathing echoed through the room. Alta slid into the other bed. The sheets were crisp... cold... sterile... empty. Sleep would not come to her for a while.

Sam left Bobby's and went back to the house. He slid into their bed. It was warm and soft and the smell of Alta was all around him. He could feel her soft warmth and see her beautiful eyes... her beautiful body... moving around him... and he felt himself moving in her body... her body moving in response to his touch... Sam drifted to blissful sleep.

**... … …**

There was absolutely no dirt on Miss Maggie Neil. She was who she said she was and she inherited the property just like she said. They seemed to be at a dead end.

"She could be lying about not finding the gun. I say we pay a visit to her house." Dean was driving the Impala back out toward the field where the massacre took place.

"Maybe… maybe we just didn't dig enough. It's been over a year. It could just be buried."

"That's a lot of digging."

"Yea. Let's go by Miss Neil's, then."

Maggie Neil met them on the front porch of her house. She was wearing the same mud boots and had her shot gun hung over one arm. Alta wondered if it was really that dangerous here in Carthage that she had to meet people with a gun.

"Ma'am." Dean greeted her with his 'official voice' perfected from years of practice at being everything from a sheriff's deputy to Homeland Security. "Could we ask you a few more questions, Miss Neil?" He motioned toward the door. "Do you mind if we…"

"We can talk just fine out here." Miss Neil wasn't going to be easy.

"Miss Neil, do you carry your gun around everywhere?" Alta questioned. "I didn't get the impression that Carthage is such a dangerous place."

"People who live here are just fine. It's the strangers like you always coming, poking around on my property." She pouted. "I got 'No Trespass' signs up around my property. You're lucky I didn't shoot you two yesterday."

"Have there been a lot of people around lately?" Dean asked.

"Been a couple since you and that other man were here last." She eyed Alta. "I saw you two. You left in a hurry didn't you? And something happened to him. I saw you. That ground's cursed." She sniffed. "I don't want nobody else hurt out there! There's evil in that place and I do all I can to keep people away from there."

"Miss Neil, you're not wrong." Dean's face was earnest. "We know the place is evil and we're trying to help."

"I knew you weren't FBI! Who are you?"

"We're people who know something about the evil that's out there in your field and we can help. Who else has been here asking about the field?"

"They didn't come to ask but I saw them out there searching. I imagine they were looking for the same thing you're looking for."

"And that would be?" Alta asked.

"That old antique gun. I have it."

"Miss Neil…" It was all Dean could do to hold it together. He licked his lips. "We need that gun. We're hunters and we are hunting evil. That gun can stop the evil coming out of that place."

"Ain't no bullets for it." She watched Dean and Alta both, sizing them up. Her hand tightened on her shotgun.

"That's ok. It needs special bullets and we can take care of that." Dean leaned toward her, his face questioning.

"Well… alright. Come in and I'll get it for you."

**... … …**

"_Sonofabitch!"_ Dean's grin was infectious. "I could_ kiss_ Miss Maggie Neil!"

"Careful." Alta teased. "We're not home with it yet." They had gone back to the Apple Inn to pack and then hit the road for home.

"You're not superstitious are you?" Dean teased.

"Well, a little I guess."

Suddenly the door flew open and a woman walked in. She was thin and tall with long raven hair. She wore black leather pants and short jacket over a red blouse and the four inch heel of her boots made her seem even taller. She took a stance in the middle of the room, her fist balled, her feet planted as she faced the two hunters.

"Dean!" Her low voice growled out his name. "Long time; no see."

Dean searched his memory. "Do I know you?"

"I'm hurt you don't remember me." Her smile dripped evil.

"If I had a nickel…"

"Yes, for every time you've heard that…" She mocked. "We have a much long history. If fact, where's Sam?" She glanced around the room.

"Meg! You bitch!" Dean's lip curled, his eyes were hard and focused. "I thought Cas sent your ass back to hell."

"I climbed out... again. It was great fun." She snarled. "You keep sending me back… but I keep getting out."

"Can't seem to kill you." Dean's hand slipped toward his gun. "You're like a cockroach."

"Where's Sam? I miss him. You know, he kinda had a 'thing' for me." Meg threw her hand up and sent Dean sailing across the room and into the wall, pinning him two feet above the floor. "And who is this?" She turned to Alta.

Alta wished she had her machete on her but it was in the Impala. _Damn! Should have been prepared._ Alta stood firm keeping focused on Meg as the demon slowly circled her.

"Dean. Is this the best you can do? She's a little small. And I can't say much for her outfit." Meg looked her up and down. Alta was in jeans and biker boots with a grey tee shirt and a denim jacket. Her belt held a pistol and a knife. It wasn't high fashion but it was functional. It was what she needed. "Not your usual sweet little girly thing. I'd say she looks like a hunter."

"Shut up, bitch!" Dean coughed out. Meg raised her hand toward Dean and as she balled her fist and squeezed, Dean felt her squeezing his heart. Alta saw his face grimace but she didn't react. She remained focused on Meg, waiting for her next move… for an opportunity to get her side arm and shoot.

"Ah, yes. She's a hunter." Meg made her way around to grab Alta's side arm. She held the pistol in Alta's face. "Going to shoot me with this?" Meg's face was just a breath away from Alta's. "I don't think …" Meg wasn't able to finish her taunt as Alta quickly grabbed both arms and head butted Meg hard enough to stun her for an instant. It was enough time to grab her gun from Meg, square off and shoot 3 salt rounds straight to the heart. It wasn't enough to kill but it was enough to stun her and Dean fell free, quickly grabbing his flask of holy water. He doused Meg and as she screamed; the steam from her burning skin rose up around her like a cloud. Her face distorted in rage. Her hands flew up and both Alta and Dean soared through the air landing on opposite walls. The demon held them pinned against the wall. She looked at Dean. "I am through playing. Tell me now. Where's the colt?"

"No!" Dean was unyielding. Meg kept her eyes focused on Dean but she fisted the hand that held Alta to the wall and as she squeezed Alta's face twisted in pain.

"Where's the colt, Dean?" Meg squeezed harder and Alta screamed.

Dean heard the blessed rush of Angel's wings and Castiel appeared in the room. He reached for Meg. She dropped her hands and the two hunters fell to the floor. Meg looked up and smoke streamed out of her mouth leaving behind the dead body of the woman she had been riding.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean heaved a sigh of relief.

"You have the colt?"

"Yea." Dean's eyes lit up. "Now we just have to hunt down Crowley and empty it in his face."

"You need to be careful. Others are after the colt as well."

"Others… what others?" Alta was still clutching her chest.

"Other demons, like Meg."

_**TBC**_

_**I hope you are enjoying the story. Please take a moment to comment… let me know what you think… or just that you like it. I love to hear from you all.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who comments, alerts and favorites my story. **_


	35. Chapter 35

_**Family Secrets: Part two – **__chapter 15_

_**So many things that I had before**_

_**That don't matter to me now**_

_**Tonight I cry for the love that I've lost**_

_**And the love I've never found**_

_**When the last bird falls**_

_**And the last siren sounds**_

_**Someone will say what's been said before**_

_**It's only love we were looking for**_

_Patty Griffin – Don't Come Easy_

"Sam!" His named echoed, as it bounced off unseen walls in the dark cavernous space. "_Sam! Saaammm!"_ Then he heard it as a faint cry in the midst of a din of screams and shrieks. Two voices he registered in the cacophony of gruesome noise; the snarl of Lucifer and Adam's desperate scream. He ran toward Adam and directly into a blinding flash of light. Sam never reached Adam. Instead he found himself motionless on the damp ground in silence. All the noise was gone… this place was still… as still and quiet as a… Sam opened his eyes… a graveyard. He was in Stull Cemetery. _How did I get here?_ He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. _Adam?_ Glancing around, he saw no one… _Dean? __Lucifer? _Sam tried to think through the confused blur of images in his mind. _I killed him… Cas…_ _Bobby? I killed them both! _He remembered falling through the pit clutching Adam… dragging him down into the darkness… and then… His memory faded. Sam started walking. He had no idea where he would go. He walked and listened to the rhythm of his footsteps as he left Stull cemetery alone.

Sam woke; opening his eyes to the empty bedroom and the memory of a strange dream. He gave a heavy sigh. He remembered finding himself in Stull cemetery but he hadn't thought about it, never thought about leaving Adam in the cage. He had never thought about Adam at all. Sam suddenly felt sick. _What could I do? I didn't leave. I was taken out._ Sam heaved another heavy sigh and got up, made the bed and went into the bathroom. Contemplating his reflection in the mirror he wondered; _who are you?_ He had never bothered to even _think _about Adam… no guilt… no regret for more than a year… not even a second thought. But he remembered Adam now and wondered. _How could I be so cold_? _Is he even still alive… still in the cage?_

He made coffee and headed into the living room with a steaming cup laced with sugar and cream. Froo Froo as Dean always called it. Sam would drink his coffee black if it was all he could get. But it went down so much smoother light and sweet. He walked through the empty house. He glanced at the paintings on the wall by the front door; the ones he insisted on bringing with them when they moved from the apartment. He remembered the first time he laid eyes on the paintings, the rivers, dark and slow moving, with large ancient trees growing close to the banks and hanging out low over the water. A lonely empty boat pulled up the bank resting at the trunk of one of the trees. Alta had bought them and hung them to add a homey touch. She said that they were dark, but she liked dark. At the time, he had no idea what she meant. It wasn't until he got his soul back that he understood. The paintings made you wonder.

He glanced around the house. The difference between this house and Dean and Lisa's was striking. Their house was bright and cheery and Lisa filled it with lots of pictures; the kind that make you smile, make you feel good… not dark. The sunlight flooded their house and the yard around it was almost treeless with a lush lawn that Dean seemed to like mowing. Sam and Alta's place was surrounded by trees and so shaded that no grass would grow on the tiny space that could be considered a lawn. It was simple, basic, dark. They were secluded here… alone. Alta's ways were a perfect match for him. He not only didn't mind basic, he preferred it. And dark… he didn't even want to take time to analyze that except to think that it was a good thing for him she liked dark because his life was as dark as it gets. He wondered how much of this was really Alta and how much was just to please him. Maybe she would rather have fluffy feminine things around like Lisa did. She enjoyed the fancy B&B and the little cabin by the lake was bright and cheery… he wondered….

**… … …**

Ben came out of the front door of Sioux Falls Middle School to find Sam waiting on the Harley. He donned a helmet and hopped on behind Sam. He didn't know if Sam knew that Dean had his silver knife or that Ben had told Dean about the training sessions. He didn't have any idea what he would tell Sam but he would think of something so he decided to wait before he said anything; not give himself away just yet. He would see how it played out first. Sam was smiling. Ben was playing this just right. _Good instincts. He's a natural._ Sam pulled in at the house.

As they dismounted the bike and pulled off their helmets Sam watched Ben out of the corner of his eyes. "Let's practice with the knife before we go eat."

"Ok… um." Ben waited, partly because he hadn't figured out what to say yet and partly to see what Sam would say. The stillness was uncomfortable as Sam stood before him, seemingly waiting for Ben to pull out the knife.

Sam finally pulled the knife out of his pocket and handed it to Ben. He looked down at the boy, his brows raised his mouth not exactly a smile, but he didn't look angry either.

"I… Dean…" Ben was stumbling as he tried to figure out what to say. "He figured it out, Sam. I don't know how. He just knew." Ben's voice dropped to a whisper. "And I told him the truth." Ben looked up at Sam. "I told him not to be mad at you. It was my fault. I talked you into it."

"It's ok, Ben. We talked about it. What I did was wrong. I shouldn't have gone behind his back." Sam sighed. He would probably do the same thing if he had to do it over again… but he wouldn't tell Ben that… or Dean. "But Dean agreed. You should be trained." Sam locked eyes with Ben. "Show me what you got."

Ben went through the steps Sam had taught him. He flipped the knife open one handed, handled it with graceful moves and flipped it closed again. There was no doubt Ben had been practicing.

"That's great, Ben." Sam took another knife out of his pocket. It was a silver butterfly just like Sam's. They exchanged knives and Ben looked down at the one in his hand.

"BW" He read the initials engraved on the handle. Ben looked up at Sam. "Those aren't my initials. I'm BB." His eyes glistened. Sam had touched a nerve.

"Let's just say that you're an honorary Winchester." Sam smiled and ran his hand through Ben's hair. "I love having you for an honorary nephew." Sam chuckled. "Just don't call me 'uncle Sam'. That's just too weird."

Ben giggled. "Thanks, Sam."

"Now let's add some foot work and when you get that down we'll move on to some other types of blades."

**… … …**

Dean was able to make good time on the road back from Carthage and he and Alta arrived at Bobby's in the early evening. Sam had taken Ben for pizza after they practiced and then dropped him off with Lisa at the studio. Dean and Alta were just unloading the Impala when Sam pulled up behind them. Sam and Alta were drawn to each other like magnets. He jerked his helmet off and met her halfway between the Impala and the Harley.

Alta melted into Sam's embrace; his strong arms around her pulling her into a tight hug. He kissed the top of her head and she turned her head up to meet him in a long lingering kiss. Dean rolled his eyes, sighed, grabbed his duffel and headed into the house.

"They're like a couple of horney teenagers." He grumped as he passed Bobby in the front hallway.

"Are you jealous?" Bobby smirked.

"Yea, well." Dean yelled out the door. "Come on kids. I'd like to get home to my girl too!"

They all settled in Bobby's office. Sam and Alta sat together. She had one hand on his thigh, the other holding a glass of 'hunter's helper'. Sam laid his arm around her, resting on the back of the sofa. Bobby was behind his desk pouring a glass of whiskey for himself and Dean. Sam waved off the offered of whiskey. Dean sat across the desk from Bobby and Castiel stood at the end of the sofa.

Dean took the colt out of his duffel and held it up proudly for all to see. "All we need is bullets."

"They have to be silver and it requires a spell. Ruby taught me and I can teach you." Bobby smiled.

"Ruby taught me how to make the bullets as well." Sam offered.

"She did? Uh… I didn't know that." Dean looked at his brother. Ruby was still a sore spot between the two; one that they had not dealt with and it was obvious. "What else did she teach you that I don't know about?"

Sam gave Dean a 'bitch face' look that he hadn't seen on Sam in a long time. Bobby joined in with a 'bitch face' look of his own so Dean figured he would let it go. Alta caught it and although she didn't say anything she could see that there had been something between Sam and Ruby, _whoever Ruby was… and Meg…_ She'd never given much thought to Sam's past but here it was; the first little nibble…

"So." Dean stated, still holding up the colt; his prize. "We got the colt." He winked at Alta. "What have you two got?"

"A lot of lore." Bobby started. "We're still sifting but it seems Lucifer's favorite story about loving God too much and being cast out because he wouldn't bow to human's is only one of many stories about the origin of Satan."

"It may or may not be the truth." Sam added. "There's other lore. Lore that's much more ancient than that particular story."

"Which makes it seem that the older stories may be the truth and Lucifer changed it later for his own reasons." Bobby commented.

"At any rate, it seems that Lucifer was one of the highest Angels in heaven. He ranked next to God and controlled armies of Angels. And, get this." Sam said. "He dwelt in the 'Seventh Heaven'."

"Seventh Heaven?" Dean's eye brows rose in amazement and he glanced at Castiel. "There is such a place?" Castiel didn't respond. He looked away remaining mysterious as usual. "Well, you're a big help."

"Well according to ancient Hebrew and Cuneiform writings it's a place. Did you know Bobby can read Cuneiform?" Sam grinned.

"No." Dean looked at Bobby. "You never cease to amaze me."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Whatever the job demands. Did you think research is easy?"

"Ok, so." Sam reined the conversation back to point. "Lucifer volunteers to go down to Hell and keep watch over the damned souls there."

"Like the heavenly prison guard?" Dean was finding this all very hard to take in.

"Yea, kinda like." Sam's eyes were bright. He was clearly excited about their discoveries. "Well, the prophecy says that over the millennia Lucifer becomes corrupted and becomes evil. He is supposed to be replaced by a new Angel."

"So, Lucifer gets fired and another Angel takes over?" Alta asked.

"Yea, but you know these heavenly… Hell… things don't happen smoothly. Apparently there's always a battle and collateral damage." Bobby eyed his fellow hunters. "Guess who gets to be the collaterally damaged?"

"Uh… Humans?" Dean answered. Neither Sam nor Bobby answered aloud. The looks exchanged among the hunters said it all.

"So the ruler of Seventh Heaven now is an Angel called Samael. He's powerful… stronger than all the other Angels. He's God's favorite, according to the lore and he's supposed to take over as the keeper of the damned souls." Bobby sighed. "I suppose he'll inherit all the demons Lucifer created too."

"The Apocalypse was supposed to be the catalyst that made that happen." They all turned to look at Castiel. "We derailed the Apocalypse and shoved Lucifer back in his cage. So now it's a free-for-all down in Hell. Several demons are vying for power." Castiel sighed. "I was wrong to help you. Michael was supposed to defeat Lucifer and Samael take over but now Michael has been freed and Samael is battling Lucifer on his home turf… in the cage."

"And if Samael loses?" Alta posed the question that was on all their minds.

**… … …**

It was much later when the hunters broke up the debriefing session without a clear cut plan. Part of Dean was glad to be home… but part of him was struggling with Sam's accusation that Lisa had lied to him and that Ben was his son. He stopped in the kitchen to pour a shot of whiskey. It was the last of several shots this night and he was beginning to feel the effects as he made his way up the stairs. He stopped at the door to Ben's room. He watched the boy who was so engrossed in his music; the boy who just might be his son. Ear buds leading down to the Blackberry Sam had given him; his head was bobbing in time to the music… music Dean couldn't hear but he knew what Ben liked… Metal… just like Dean. He tried to see himself in Ben. But he saw only Lisa. His hair was dark, like Lisa's. Dean's had been light when he was young. His eyes were the same deep dark brown as Lisa's. There _was_ the light sprinkling of freckles across his nose, just like Dean's but that didn't prove anything. _How could Sam be so sure? _

Dean turned and plodded down the hall. He hated to think Lisa might be lying to him. He was uncertain how to confront her or even if he should. But if she had lied to him and Ben was his son then he had been an absent father for the first twelve years of his son's life. If there was one thing that made Dean's blood boil it was looking back on all the times his father _had not_ _been there_ for his sons. And it wasn't really for himself that he was angry. It was for Sam, _for Sammy_. Dean had done the best he could raising his brother but he was just a kid himself and any mistakes he'd made were directly on John… for not being there… for leaving his sons to raise themselves. If he was Ben's father… an absent father… it was the same anger boiling in his gut. It wasn't so much for himself that he was angry. It was _for Ben_… but he didn't know and his absence in Ben's life was directly on Lisa.

Lisa was curled up with a book when he reached the bedroom. "Dean! I'm so glad you're back." She smiled at him. Her smile was so innocent, so sweet. She had only a slight notion, only vague simplifications about what they were dealing with. Dean thought that if she knew the true extent of the job hunting entailed it would break her. He'd been hiding everything from her… protecting her… keeping secret the full magnitude of the darkness they dealt with… as much as he could. And she had no idea that Sam had raised the question about Ben being a Winchester.

"Hey, Lis…" Dean stood at the edge of the bed and looked down at her wondering how to put his question into words. He reached for her, to touch her cheek but he hesitated and his hand drifted down to his side. "Lisa… I…" Dean swallowed hard.

"Dean, what is it? What's happened?" Her face was the same gentle, loving face he saw when she took him in just after Sam jumped into the cage. She comforted him, nursed his wounds, loved him… she gave him a reason to live.

"Lisa, I owe you so much… my life, I guess." Dean struggled to find words and once he found them he struggled to get the words past the knot in his throat. "You stood by me… and loved me… when…" He turned away from her. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn't looking into her face; if he couldn't see her fear and worry. "I know it wasn't easy. I was a mess. I drank too much. I had nightmares and… and panic attacks. I agonized about Sam and…"

Lisa laid her book on the nightstand and slipped out of the bed to stand behind him. She placed her hand so lightly on his shoulder he could barely feel it. "Dean, I would do it all again. It was worth it and it's so much better now." She tried to turn him to face her but he pulled away. Her face showed the panic that was rising in her but he couldn't see it. He wouldn't let himself see it. He wouldn't look at her. "Dean… what is it? Tell me." He shook his head and she thought she heard him choke.

"Tell me the truth." His voice was soft but gravely. "Is Ben my son?" He turned and searched her eyes for the truth.

Lisa was stunned; so totally caught off guard that she couldn't hide the truth. It showed on her face as clearly as if it had been branded across her forehead. "I…" She backed away, and then turned away desperately searching her mind for the words to say.

"You lied to me?" Dean was crushed. "Lisa, why?" She was speechless. "I could have been a father to my son, if you'd told me. But you kept your secret and my son… _my son…_ grew up without his father. How could you do that? How could you not tell me?" Dean was beginning to work himself up into a righteous wrath. "How am I supposed to live with that? Every time I look at him… every time I look at you…" He grabbed her and turned her to face him, his hands holding her arms pinned to her sides. He shook her. "You made me into my Dad… an _absent… Dick!"_ He released her, pushing her away from him and walked out of the room.

Lisa found her nerve and her voice just a little too late. She called after him. "Dean… Wait! Just listen… Dean!"

_… … …_

"Who is Ruby?" Alta waited until after they both showered and were lying in bed. She hadn't thought about it until then and almost didn't bother with the question but curiosity got the better of her… that little nibbling doubt wormed its way to the surface and the question came without much of a thought.

Sam's eyes closed and the pain that shot through him made him catch his breath. Did they have to do the 'old girlfriend' thing? It was never easy and it always ended up painful, leaving scars. And that's if it's just the typical 'old girlfriend' thing. His relationship with Ruby was anything but typical and just remembering it brought shame… and fear… if she knew the truth… He sighed. "Ruby was a demon." He waited for her reaction.

"I figured that much." Alta lay on her side facing him… watching him.

His eyes were closed but he could feel her eyes on him. "She had a knife that could kill demons."

"I got that too."

"She played me… and… she used me. She…_ I_ chose to believe her." He thought back through all that happened between him and Ruby. How could he possibly explain it? "She turned me… No_! I made bad choices_… really bad choices… and I chose her over my brother." Alta watched as Sam struggled with the memory. "She used me to let Lucifer out of his cage. I'm the reason he got out. It was my fault."

Alta watched as he lay silent beside her. His eyes still closed; his hand lying on his chest, she could see his throat moving as he struggled. Sam waited for her reaction. Waited for her to withdraw in disgust, to understand just how low he'd sunk, how dirty he was. He waited for her to leave him.

"That's why you did it? Why you let Lucifer possess you? Because you thought it was your fault."

"It_ was_ my fault."

"And you wanted to make it right." She could feel his pain and she wanted to do something to make it better. But she knew there was not much she could do. "What happened to Ruby?"

"Dean killed her." He let out a deep breath. "I held her while he stabbed her with her own knife."

Alta laid her hand on his. _Might as well get it all out._ "Did you love her?"

"Would it matter if I did?" He wondered exactly what it was he had felt for Ruby.

"Did you?" She decided to dig deep and root out the infection. She could tell he had not dealt with his own feelings about Ruby. If he had, it wouldn't cause him such pain.

"I… No I don't think I did." He struggled to find the right words for what he felt for Ruby. "I was addicted to her… to her… blood." Again he waited for her to grasp just how dark he really was; how filthy his life had been.

"You drank her blood?" Alta was disgusted but she was more intrigued. How had this happened? She couldn't imagine Sam being used that way. But, then she didn't know _that_ Sam. "Why?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got all night."

Alta and Sam talked long into the night. He told her the whole story about Dean's deal with the crossroads demon and his desperate need to save Dean leading to his blind faith in Ruby and then his addiction and all the way through to the end; jumping into the cage with Lucifer inside him and Michael inside Adam. She listened to it all. She didn't judge. She understood. When they finally fell asleep, he fell into a restful comforting deep sleep; a sleep like he'd not felt in so long.

**… … …**

"So you're _Sam's_ girl. And I thought you were Dean's playmate." Black, empty eyes stared at them. "Maybe you do both of them. Sam, did you and your brother finally learn to share your toys?" She laughed a cold ugly sound.

"Meg!" Sam sat up and glared at her. "What do you want?" She had roused him from a deep sleep and a quick glance at Alta let him know that she had been asleep as well. Alta sat up and moved away from Sam. Her pistol was just under her side of the bed and she knew Sam had a silver knife under his pillow and a bottle of holy water under his side of the bed.

"Sam, I'm a little jealous." Meg continued to taunt. "I thought we had a good thing. I know how much you want me."

Sam took a deep breath and repeated his question. "What do you want?"

"Just a word." Meg flipped her long raven hair as she took a stance at the foot of the bed. She held up a hand. "Is this what you're looking for sweetie?" She waved Alta's gun and grinned at her. "Not the best little hunter are you." She turned her eyes to Sam. "Sam, I'm surprised at your taste. She's rather ordinary don't you think?"

Sam's eyes were dark and narrow; his lips a thin line. His breath was slow and even. Alta could feel every muscle in his body tense. "Speak! Tell me what you want!"

Meg flipped her hand and Alta tore from the bed, propelled to the wall and hung there, held by Meg's power. Sam's eyes never left Meg. He didn't move; his stare fixed on her. "Just tell me!" His voice boomed. "What do you want?"

"The colt." Meg's stare became just as fixed as Sam's and it was deadly.

"I don't have the colt." Sam snarled out his answer. "Why do you want it, Meg?"

"Never mind why. Let's just say I need it to kill certain… people." She narrowed her eyes at Sam. She held a fist up toward Alta and clenched it tight, twisting. Alta gasped. She felt the hand squeezing her heart. A low keening sound tore from her and sweat popped out on her face. "Just so we're clear, I don't need the colt to kill her but you need get the colt and give it to me to save her." Meg opened her fist and Alta remained pinned against the wall breathless and gasping for air. "Are we clear, Sam?"

"We're clear." Sam glared. "Now, let her go."

Meg disappeared and Alta fell to the floor. Sam jumped across the bed and was at her side in two long strides. "Alta." He cradled her in his arms as she passed out.

"Castiel…" Sam called to his guardian. "Cas… I need some help here."

"Me, Dean and Bobby are hidden from all demons and Angels. It had to be Alta that she tracked."

Castiel held his hand up to Alta's chest. She pulsed away from him and groaned in pain.

"You ok?" Sam watched her reaction.

"What the hell?" Alta looked from Sam to Castiel and back to Sam again.

"It's protection. Meg won't be able to track you now. You have a protective Enochian Sigil carved into your ribs." Sam watched the confusion on her face. "We all have one." He nodded at her. "I know… hurts like hell."

"Well… yea." She was still a little stunned.

"Expect more." Castiel sighed. "It is not going well in the cage. Samael is strong. Stronger than Michael and he has all Lucifer's attention. It's a free for all among the demons. Crowley and Meg aren't the only ones vying for power and they will not be the only ones after the colt." Castiel fixed Sam with a stare that unnerved him. "You need to be careful."

"Yea, I can see that." Sam nodded. "Maybe you should protect Lisa and Ben as well."

"I will." Castiel replied.

**… … …**

"Bloody Hell!" Crowley screamed. "I can't believe she got the jump on me." He stood in Hell, in the midst of a legion of his followers. He stomped on the limp shape of a man at his feet. "No second chances for you. I have other hunters I can use." He shoved with his foot and the burned and beaten form of Samuel Campbell rolled over, gazing helplessly into nothing. "I'm going to do you a favor now." His voice was suddenly softer, if not just a bit sweeter. "I'm going to end your suffering." He moved his hand over Samuel and his body convulsed and stiffened on the floor as glowing light… his soul was pulled out of him and into Crowley.

"Christian!" Crowley bellowed. "Get ready. We're going to the surface. I'm going to get the colt and I'm going to kill Meg, myself." He laughed… cold and hard. "We can get both Sam and Dean too while we're at it."

"And Alta." Christian smiled. His smile had become a hideous as Crowley's. "I want to make that bitch pay."

Crowley looked at the demon that used to be Christian. "Fine. You can have her. I'm killing the Winchesters myself."

**… … …**

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy. There was lots of dialogue this time and plot thickening. Next time I plan more action.  
>Please take a moment to comment. Many thanks to those who have commented and alert and favorite my story. <strong>_


	36. Chapter 36

_**Family Secrets: Part two – **__Chapter 16_

_**I know a cold as cold as it gets**_

_**I know a darkness that's darker than coal**_

_**A wind that blows as cold as it gets**_

_**Blew out the light of my soul**_

_**Blew out the light of my soul**_

_Patty Griffin – Cold as it Gets_

"There's a wealth of demon sign; freak weather patterns, cattle mutilations... just outside of Dodge City, Kansas." Sam was at the kitchen table sipping coffee and studying the pages on the computer.

"So we're headed to Kansas?" Alta gulped the last of her coffee.

"Yea looks like. I'll pack the car."

"I'll pack the bags and be out in a few." She stopped Sam at the door. "Are we taking the colt?"

"Yea, we'll stop by Bobby's. Dean may want in on this one."

**... ... ...**

It didn't do much for Dean's mood to be driving alone for 10 hours with nothing to do but seethe over the fact that Lisa lied to him. He'd gone over and over every scenario he could think of and it just didn't add up to anything he wanted to think about. He cared for Lisa… _a lot…_ and he'd grown to love her over the past year. And that love included trust. He just couldn't fathom the Lisa he loved _lying_ about anything especially not something as important as Ben being his son. In Dean's mind, it just didn't make sense. In one moment, his one chance for a normal life, or at least as close as a Winchester could be to a normal life, came crashing down around him.

Sam had been in the car with Alta all day. He drove the Charger and they followed Dean in the Impala. They had talked about everything. He told her things he'd never told anyone. He talked about his childhood… school… moving around; being a nomad… Dad… Dean... training since he was a kid… She was the only woman he'd ever met who could understand how he'd been raised. He spilled out most of his life to her. And he learned about her. She talked about being raised in the Campbell clan… her Mom and Dad… Gwyn… He didn't talk about Jess… she didn't mention any old boyfriends. And he didn't talk about Hell… about being in the cage. They kept those parts of themselves hidden.

Dodge City was a small town with a wild west historic down town, 10hours from Sioux Falls. The three hunters were a little road weary when they hit town. Two rooms beside each other at the Thunderbird motel and a late dinner at the Broken Spoke Bar and Grill and they all felt a little better.

"There's a poker game going on in the back room." Dean gave Sam a knowing smile. "Want to try to hustle up a little money?"

Sam considered it. He glanced at Alta. "Pool tables…" He nodded toward the tables in the back of the room.

Alta sized up the players. There didn't seem to be any challenge there or any potential for hustling cash. "I'm going back to the motel. You stay if you want to." She finished up her drink. Sam's eyes followed her as she walked toward the door. She never tried to look sexy, but Sam knew just exactly how it felt to cup her cute denim clad ass in his hands. He thought it fit just perfectly, his big hands covering every inch of it. When she reached the door, she glanced back at him; her auburn hair flowing around to reveal the slight smile on her lips and Sam thought about how perfectly his lips fit over hers and how she tasted when he slipped his tongue across them and dipped into her mouth. When she stepped out and the door closed behind her he turned to see Dean staring at him.

"You are so hooked on her, man. Are you in heat?" Dean snickered but there was a hint of something in Dean's comment that Sam couldn't quite catch. _A hint of jealousy, maybe?_

"We're in love." Sam stated without hesitating. "I love her so much I just…"

"Good for you." Dean interrupted.

"What's up with you?" Sam knew Dean would hold onto whatever was bothering him. But if he kept pecking at it, Dean would let it out eventually.

"Nothing." Dean downed the rest of his whisky and motioned the waitress for another.

"Hey. I've seen you follow Lisa around like a dog in heat. I lived with you for months, remember. You feel the same way about her."

"Yea, well things change."

"Overnight?"

"Yea, sometimes."

"You two have a fight or something?"

Dean took a gulp from the fresh drink the waitress had brought. "I'm going to play a little poker. Go. Spend some time together." He motioned toward the door. "See you in the morning."

"You sure?" Sam searched his brother's face. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

Dean rolled his eyes and stood, grabbing his drink and effectively turning off the conversation. "Go."

**… … …**

Dean Winchester had an innate ability to read people and that was a good skill to have when playing poker. He joined a table to make the fourth player. Besides him there was a tall thin man with long strait brown hair. He wore it pulled back, tied with a leather strip and the ends of his long sideburns curled around in front of his ears. Dean noticed that he didn't talk much, hardly at all really. Mostly he gave hand signals and head nods. _What an arrogant dick._

There was an Albino. He was also tall and thin. He covered his eyes with sunglasses and Dean wondered if they were really pink, like an albino rabbit. _Wouldn't that be awesome? _He had a sudden urge to rip the glasses off his face and see for himself but it was just one of Dean's passing thoughts; one he wouldn't act on.

A woman sat opposite him at the table. She was tall with long black hair. Her long fingernails were painted blood red and she wore a ring on every one of her long thin fingers. Her dark eyes followed Dean. She gave him the creeps. _She looks like she's dressed up for Halloween_. Dean thought all three of the other players were weird. But for once his hunting instincts had been dulled. He drank too much last night while Bobby alternately called him an idjit for leaving Lisa and bemoaned the lonely life of a hunter. Dean got no sleep at all. And he'd already had several drinks with supper so he had every reason to be off his game tonight.

Dean had no way to know that the last time these three sat at a poker table with a Winchester it was with Sam in Omaha and they had followed Alta to find him. Unfortunately the brawl at the pool table had pulled Sam away from the game and thwarted their plans. This time the Winchesters had found them and they had Dean instead of Sam. Perhaps this Winchester would stay in the game.

**… … …**

It didn't take Sam long to follow Alta back to their room. He slipped in just as she was coming out of the shower. She was wrapped in a white towel and shaking out her wet hair. She stepped in front of the mirror and began to blow dry her hair. He stepped behind her and locked eyes with her in the mirror. She knew those dark steamy eyes, that almost smile on his lips and she flushed at the site of him watching her with such hunger in his eyes. He reached up and ran his hands through her hair, holding it out and letting it fall slowly, strand by strand through the air of the dryer. He didn't keep this up long before he took the dryer from her, cut it off and laid it on the dresser. He reached around her to undo the towel and let it fall to the floor.

They locked eyes in the mirror as he pulled her against him. She felt his hard body against her back; the soft material of his shirt, the rough denim of his jeans. He pulled her hands to reach up around his neck and let his hands slowly slide down her arms to cup her breasts. She quivered and her nipples tightened and tingled as he rubbed them against his palms. Alta watched her body as her hips rolled against him and she gazed at his face when he groaned, his eyes closing to savor the feel of her responding to him. She watched his hands… his big beautiful hands… so graceful as he slid them down her body. He bent his head down to nuzzle at her neck and she felt his long hair like feathers across her shoulder.

Sam pulled her closer, he swelled painfully against the confining jeans as he tasted her soft neck and smelled her clean skin… no perfume… no flowery scent… nothing but the pure smell of his lover; her unique scent. She moved back against him, opening herself, giving him access to her and he licked his tongue along her neck up to her ear. "Beautiful… sexy…" He snaked his hand lower to rake his fingers through her hair and explore her depths with one long finger. He felt her hot and wet; swelling with his touch and it caused an answering burning deep in his belly. He slid his wet finger across her throbbing core, whispering and holding her close as she moaned and pulled against his neck; her legs weak. "So hot… look…" Her eyes fluttered open and she saw him watching her reflection. She saw herself flushed and gasping, her breasts tight and swelling with each gasping breath. He watched her as she struggled against a wave of passion. He stroked her softly and as she gasped he murmured in her ear.

"Sam…" She whispered… pleading.

"I know baby… I know… I got you…" He scooped her up and carried her to the bed. She was desperately grabbing at his clothes, whimpering and begging with her eyes and her hands. He loved to see her so hot and ready for him. He quickly pulled off his clothes and fell on the bed beside her, pulling her on top of him. She straddled his hips and he watched the desire on her face, her eyes closed, and her lips pouting. He guided her onto him, savoring the feel of her hot velvet body gliding down on him, tight and slick and he watched as she danced, rocking rhythmically on him causing waves of pleasure to shoot through his gut… gathering hot in his center. She heard him gasping and saw his smoky eyes enjoying the sight of her body and it made her feel sexy, made her bolder and she began to watch and move in the ways that she could see pleased him the most, arching as his hands ran across her body, following his lead as his hands covered her ass, pulling her to him and arching up to meet her with deep thrusts.

**… … …**

Even tipsy Dean was a better poker player than most. As the game went on he knew one thing for sure. These three worked together. They were not strangers to each other. There was a reason they were here and it wasn't a poker game. They took turns losing, not enough to be played out of the game, but enough to keep Dean winning and occupied at the table.

"Tell me something." Dean decided the poker game wasn't the one he should be trying to win and whatever they were, whatever they wanted he would rather meet it head on. "Are you Angels or are you demons?"

"You don't have to fear us. We are not demons." The long haired quiet one, the one Dean thought acted like such a _dick_, spoke. "We are Angels. I am Zagzagel."

"I don't find that comforting." Dean ground out. "In my experience Angels are even _bigger dicks_ than demons." he smirked. "Harder to kill."

"I assure you, we mean you no harm." The _witchy_ looking one answered. "I am Tabbris."

"Still not convinced." Dean threw down his cards. "This is not about the game so why don't you just cut to the chase. What do you want?"

"Our business is with Sam." The Albino answered.

"Yea? Well, he's not here." Dean's eyes were cold, hard and challenging. "So… I suggest you come clean. What do you want with my brother?"

"Why are you so hostile?" Zagzagel questioned. "You don't yet know the reason for this encounter."

Dean's eyes focused on Zagzagel. "Why don't you just tell me the reason for this encounter?"

"We've come to help you and your brother. Castiel has convinced us that you Winchesters will right the wrongs that have put heaven and hell into chaos." Zagzagel answered.

"And just exactly how are you going to help us?" Dean eyed all three of the Angels. "What kind of deal do we have to make for your help?"

"Finish the game." The Albino spoke.

"And you are…" Dean's eyes narrowed as he focused on the Albino.

"I am Forcas. Many people pray to me to return lost property." His hands lowered to his lap and he brought out a knife and laid it on the table as his bet. "All in." His eyes met Dean's hard stare.

Dean's eyes moved from the face of Forcas to the wager in the middle of the table. On top of the chips lay Ruby's knife. Each of the four players was all in for this pot. Sweat popped out across Dean's upper lip as his tongue gingerly touched it. Everything depended on this hand. He had to play it well… It might be the most important hand he'd ever played.

**… … …**

Sam appeared to be sleeping as he slid his hand under his pillow and gripped his silver butterfly. Alta was not in the bed with him and he could hear the breathing of more than one person in the room. He smelled fear... fear and something else he couldn't quite figure out. He pinpointed the direction of the loudest breathing... the closest... person...

Sam's muscles tensed, ready to spring. When he was sure he had the closest target located, he threw the covers back with one hand, his other came out from under the pillow, flipping the butterfly open. In one smooth move he landed on one foot, the other propelling him forward, toward his target. Sam grabbed the hunter and spun him around until he held him by his chin, pulling back to expose the throat; his knife lay across the tender skin.

"I killed you one time, Sam but you just can't seem to stay dead." The second hunter smiled as Sam lifted his gaze and saw him holding Alta, a gun to her head. Her eyes were glazed and half closed, her head wobbled and her face was slack. He didn't see any wounds, no blood. He thought she might be drugged. "Drop your weapon Sam or she gets it."

Sam lowered his knife and released the hunter. He moved away from Sam's grasp and Sam's knife hit the floor. "Roy." Sam's voice was soft. His eyes were dark and narrowed. "Walt." He glared at the hunter who held Alta slumped against his body and squared himself to face them. Sam stood tall, his chest bowed out, his hands fisted at his sides, the muscles in his arms and neck tight with rage.

He remembered these two. Walt shot him. He remembered the pain as the shotgun blast tore through his chest. He remembered he died. He knew one of them had killed Dean. They ended up in heaven... "Dark Side of the Moon" as Dean recalled that particular adventure. Cas lost faith in God... Dean lost faith in him... and Sam had watched helplessly as Dean dropped the pendant he had given him, the pendant Dean had worn for fifteen years, into the trash can as they left the motel room. These were emotionally painful memories for Sam and it made his blood boil to see these two...

For all his anger, Sam realized that as long as Walt had Alta at gun point, he was helpless. He couldn't risk her being shot point blank and she couldn't defend herself or help him fight. He doubted she was even aware what was going on. If she was aware, she couldn't do anything about it. Sam sighed, unclenched his fists and raised his hands. "You got me. Let her go."

"Can't do that. We need her too. Big money for you two... alive." Roy raised his gun, smacked the butt on Sam's head and everything went blank.

**… … …**

Dean hesitated at the door of Sam and Alta's room. He hated to interrupt anything. He was glad that Sam had found someone that made him as happy as he seemed to be with Alta. And he had to admit she had been through more with Sam than most any woman could stand. But this was big… _really big_ and _damn it_, they were on a job. And the job was first priority. He knocked and got no answer. He knocked again. Suddenly something didn't feel right. Dean dropped to one knee and took out his lock picks. Working frantically on the door he popped it open and stepped inside the fully lit room… the _empty_, fully lit room. They didn't just step out somewhere, Dean could read the signs. His eyes fell on Sam's knife lying where he'd dropped it. They've been taken. _Sonofabitch! _

Dean ran to his room to pick up the colt and check his computer for the GPS signal on Sam's phone. "I'm coming, Sammy." Dean mumbled to himself.

**… … …**

His hands and feet were tied... pulled tight and stretched out. Sam's mind raced. _How did I get here?_ _Why am I back here?_ Panic welled up in him. _No... no... no! This can't be! _His body shook as he expected pain... the pain that always came... the pain was always there... He waited.

"Sam!" _Not Lucifer's voice..._ "Come on Sam. It's time to wake up."

Sam's eyes fluttered and he saw Alta. He squeezed his eyes shut as if he could will her away. _She can't be here... not here... no... she can't... _But she was here... But here wasn't where he thought. It wasn't the cage. It wasn't Hell.

"Come on, Sam." He felt a slap across his face. _It feels like the cage... No... Please..._

Sam's eyes opened. Alta was awake, her green eyes fearful. She was tied to a chair, her arms bound tightly to the arms and her ankles tied to the chair legs. Her fingers glowed white as she desperately gripped the chair.

Alta stared at Sam tied by his hands and feet and all she could think about was the torture he had already endured; the beating from his flayed soul. She didn't want to see him suffer again. She didn't think she could bear to watch.

"Good, you're awake." Sam focused on the voice and Christian came into view.

"Pretty sure Sam killed you." Alta spit out the words.

"He did." Christian turned toward her. "But..." he raised his hands and gave a mocking smile. "Here I am... back again... better than ever."

"Thanks to Crowley, no doubt." Alta tried to keep Christian's focus on her. She could see Sam's eyes wild with fear. She knew he was panicked. He strained against the restraints that held him just as he had been held in hell, just as she had seen him held and beaten.

**…**

When Dean reached the abandoned warehouse he pulled the Impala off and parked a block away and approached on foot. He had the colt stuffed in the back of his pants, his pistol in his jacket along with his machete, his Bowie, Sam's butterfly and Ruby's knife. He didn't know what he would be up against and he didn't think Sam or Alta would be armed. But he was sure they would be in trouble. Everything pointed to them being taken… and he could feel it in his hunting bones.

Dean stopped at the edge of the property, covered by bushes he watched. As he waited two men came into view walking around the outside of the building. One stopped and gazed at the perimeter of the lot. Dean froze as the man's eyes traced over the place where he was crouched, hidden. Dean recognized the man. He was a hunter. Walt… He was the hunter who had shot and killed Sam then turned his gun on Dean. He remembered the pain that cut through his heart as he watched Sam's body recoil from the blast to his chest… he remembered Sam falling back onto the bed, covered in blood… dead. Dean remembered Walt shooting him… point blank… he remembered the searing pain as the bullet tore through him.

Dean remembered the other hunter… Roy. He'd promised he would kill them both. It looked like tonight would be the night he would make good on that promise. It was Roy who was with Walt that night and it was Roy who was with Walt tonight as they walked the perimeter of the building where Sam and Alta were being held. That meant they were guarding the place… they worked for someone else. And the most likely one to be holding Sam and Alta was Crowley… Dean thought for a moment… or Meg… _damn it_… Dean watched and waited while he formulated a plan.

**…**

Sam's mind was split in three. Each vying to be heard, each trying to control and it was the absolute terror of his soul that ruled this time. This was too much like the cage, too much like Hell and Sam braced himself for the torture to begin. But Christian didn't touch Sam. He had a different torture in mind. He leaned in close to Sam's ear and whispered. "You like my leftovers?" Christian leaned back, watching Sam, waiting for it to sink in. Sam's eyes cut to him, his face clearly confused. "She didn't tell you about me?" Sam's soul couldn't think of anything but the pain... He could feel the clawing, gnawing wrath of Lucifer... Could see little sparks of his soul beaten out of him and flying off into oblivion, lost forever in the depths of Hell.

Alta cringed when Christian started his verbal torture. She looked at Sam; his eyes were wide with fear, panic... She thought he was angry. Part of him heard Christian's jabs and was angry, bucking against the ropes holding him, trying to get to Christian, part of him wanted to kill Christian… again. Part of Sam saw Alta's distress… watched her shame… wanted to comfort her… wanted to save her. But Sam's soul was out of control with rage and hatred and fear… always fear… so consuming he could barely think of Alta or Christian.

"I was her first." Christian continued to make verbal jabs at Sam. "What a sweet little piece of tail she was!" Alta watched Sam as he cringed in horror and strained against his bonds. Christian turned his grinning face to Alta. He was loving this. She had spurned him all those years ago and then flaunted herself in his face for years. "We were going to be married but I guess by now you've discovered just what a cold fish she is." Tears began to form in Alta's eyes as she stared at Sam. He returned her stare with horrified eyes. Christian laughed. "Maybe you like your women frigid. I got tired of having to rape her whenever I wanted a little action." Sam's eyes rolled toward Christian. Alta couldn't tell what he was thinking. His eyes were wild… but not with anger… fear… worse than she'd ever seen. "Is that it?" Sam's eyes rolled back to Alta. "You like forcing yourself on a cold…"

"Shut up, you _dick_!" Alta found her voice. Sam wouldn't speak up for her; she'd speak for herself.

Christian turned toward her and back handed her, sending her reeling.

"_Sonofabitch!"_ She screamed. He struck her again this time she didn't scream, she was out cold.

The horror Alta had seen in Sam's eyes had nothing to do with her or anything Christian had said. He barely registered that it was Christian. His soul was lost in his memories of Hell. What he saw as he gazed toward Alta was the landscape of Hell, a sea of damned souls, miserable and suffering hopeless souls. Mingled in among the damned were demons… biting, clawing, and eating their victims while they laughed. What he feared most was the face of Lucifer, the sound of his voice, the fetid smell of his breath and the groans and screams of the damned. Sam was once again in Hell, helpless and struggling.

**…**

Dean timed it just right and met Roy first. "Remember this face?" Dean waited, making sure it registered in his thick head just exactly who it was that was going to kill him. When the lights of recognition went on in Roy's head and his face registered the fear in the pit of his stomach, Dean shoved his Bowie into Roy's gut; slicing upward through his diaphragm and into his heart. Dean's left hand was clamped firmly over Roy's mouth to stifle any noise his might make. His next target was Walt and he didn't want to give him any warning.

Dean waited until Walt walked around the corner to be face to face with him. He quickly caught Walt in a strangle hold tight around his neck. Dean's bloody knife rested on Walt's back and his whispered words grated into Walt's ear. "Remember me? I told you I'd come back." Dean snarled. "And I told you I'd be pissed!"

"Dean? … Dean Winchester." Walt's voice was shaking. "Wait… just let me explain…"

"Yea, like you let Sam explain." Dean pulled his arm tighter around Walt's neck. "Where's my brother."

"I… I don't…" Walt never finished. Dean shoved the Bowie through his spine and let the body fall limp to the ground.

"Never mind." He looked down at the body. "I'll find him myself."

Dean made his way around to a side door and knelt down to pick the lock. He eased into the building and found himself at the end of a long hall. A light shown into the hall from a window in the door at the far end. He heard Alta scream… _"sonofabitch"_ and he heard the echo of the slap that knocked her out. He made his way down the hallway cautiously and peered into the window. Sam was strung up by his hands and feet and just as Alta had remembered, Dean also remembered the way Sam had suffered the last time he'd seen him strung up like that. It made Dean's blood boil. He wanted to bust into the room and… Dean reined in his temper. This was no time to lose his cool. He needed to be cautious. He needed to get it right.

Between Sam and Alta was Christian. He had to be a demon. Sam had killed him… Dean took in the rest of the room. Just as he thought, Crowley was off to the side watching from the shadows. Dean needed a plan… he needed a plan desperately… _What the Hell am I going to do?_ He could see that Sam was out of his mind. When he got Sam loose he wasn't sure he would be much help and now Alta was out cold. She wouldn't be any help either. He was going to have to pull something out of his ass to get them to safety and right now Dean was drawing a blank.

A soft hand touched his arm and Dean looked down to see the long ring clad fingers of Tabbris. Dean looked up into her dark eyes and she placed one long blood red tipped finger to her lips, and then pointed to Crowley. Dean watched as Crowley battled with something invisible thwarting his every move. Crowley fell to the floor as if he had been pushed. He came back up swinging at air whirling in every direction, desperately trying to make contact with something neither of them could see. Dean looked back again at Tabbris and she smiled and motioned for him to follow.

Dean followed Tabbris as she made her way to Christian. She hesitated beside Alta, bent down and touched her forehead with two long grace filled fingers. Alta was conscious, and freed from the ropes that tied her to the chair. Tabbris motioned for them both to go to Sam as she stepped in front of Christian.

Christian growled at Tabbris and made motion to fling her aside. She only smiled and it made Christian cringe. "You are only a piss ant demon… so very young. You don't have the power to hurt me." When he turned to run, she raised her hand in front of her and two long fingers motioned for him to 'come here'. Christian felt himself hauled back and planted before her. She laid her hand on his forehead and blinding light shown out of his eyes… his mouth… his ears… until his body disappeared in a bright flash.

Alta ran to Sam and grabbed the knife Dean held out for her. Together they cut Sam loose and he slumped onto his brother. Sam winced and groaned at the blinding flash that was Christian's demise. He didn't know what it really was and Dean was sure whatever Sam saw in his mind was much worse because Sam began to thrash against them; his eyes wide with desperate fear, seeing nothing real. Sam only saw what his soul was reliving in Hell.

"Sam! Sam! It's me. It's me, Sammy." Dean tried to get through to Sam. He had to get him to the car. He had to get him to safety but Sam was in fighting mode. He had no idea what he was fighting; didn't know it was his brother. Dean wouldn't be able to overpower him… afraid that if he hit him… tried to knock him out it would make Sam fight harder.

"Sam." Alta tried to get his attention. "Sam. Let us help you."

Sam stilled long enough that his eyes made contact with her. "Whore!" Sam's shout pierced through Alta as if it was a knife. He swung at her. She was too stunned by his word to duck and his fist made contact with the side of her head. She slumped to the floor. Out cold.

Tabbris turned to Dean. "Christian will not be a bother ever again." She glanced at Sam and then Alta. Her long arms reached out to Dean and Sam… two fingers on each of their heads and Sam was passed out on the back seat of the Impala and Dean was in the driver's seat.

"Well, thank you Tabbris!" Dean gave a heavy sigh and shook his head.

"I'll take care of Alta. Take Sam away from here." Tabbris's voice echoed in Dean's head.

_Damn. Not bad… but you are still one creepy Angel!_

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you all enjoy… Season 7 starts tonight and I'm sure like me all you Supernatural Fans are ready… beyond ready for the season to start so… enjoy. I know I plan to…**_

_**Thanks for all the comments, alerts and favorites for my story. You rock my world!**_


	37. Chapter 37

Family Secrets – part two – chapter 17

_***Just to remind you… I don't own Supernatural or the Supernatural characters. Only Alta and Kat are mine. Enjoy…**_

_**When you get to that place**_

_**That's just under the stars**_

_**Hanging over the tree**_

_**At a quarter to three**_

_**When you get there you'll know**_

_**That's as far as you go**_

_**When you get there you'll see**_

_**You were already free**_

_**When you get there …**_

_**When you're lost and you're found**_

_**And you're found and you're lost**_

_**When you're dancing with no one around**_

_**You're coming home to me, just remember**_

_**You're coming home to me**_

_Patty Griffin – Coming Home To Me_

…

Lucifer laughed at Sam's agony. Sam was not only Lucifer's chief source of entertainment but the bane of his existence. It was Sam that plunged Lucifer back into the cage; this one tiny speck of a being, a mortal, had succeeded in putting an end to his destiny. And Lucifer was vengeful, vengeful to a fault. Sam felt all of his anger… all of his rage. "I'm just getting started. It's only been a hundred years."

Michael had long ago ceased to fight with Lucifer. Instead he curled himself up inside his wings, the wings of an Angel being like armor, and waited. He wasn't supposed to be here and Sam had thwarted his moment of glory. Sam deserved whatever he got. As for Adam he was a poor substitute for Michael's true vessel. It didn't matter to Michael that none of this was Adam's doing. He was just one human; not important to Michael. Michael knew the Angels would mount an assault and rescue him. So he waited.

A hundred years to an immortal like Michael or Lucifer was the briefest of time. But to Sam it was a hundred years. He could scarcely remember anything from his brief twenty eight years on earth. Memories of Dad and Dean and Bobby were faint echoes in his mind. Memories of Jess or of living a life were long gone. There was only suffering and agony. Over the years Lucifer had gotten inventive with inflicting pain on Sam and he allowed others to torture him. Alistair was a frequent visitor to the cage. Sam had killed him but Lucifer had the power to bring him back... just to torture Sam. And Meg… she was one of Lucifer's favorite and she was allowed to hone her skills of torture on Sam.

The worst was when he brought Ruby back. She walked into the cage, her long dark hair shining, her dark brown eyes sparkling in the red glow of Hell fires. She smiled at Sam, her same sweet smile. She showed her beautiful body to him; the same body she had given to him. The body he touched and kissed and that drove him wild with lust… the same body he drank from. The power of her blood was strong. The torturous desire for it... the need... the addiction was stronger here than it had ever been in life. She cut deep into her arm and offered her blood to him... close enough to smell... never close enough to taste... and she laughed... "I was the best... the best of those sons of bitches... the most loyal to my Lord..." And she gave herself to Lucifer... laughing as Sam watched...

"Whore!" Sam screamed and he imagined he could feel her face as his fist tore through it.

**... ... ...**

Kat was with Sam for what seemed to be forever while Dean paced the floor of Bobby's office. "Bobby, I'm telling you... they had him strung up... it was just like..." Dean stretched his arms out. "Like..."

"I got it, son. I know. I remember." Bobby looked down and shook his head. "Poor kid just can't catch a break."

"That bastard Crowley." Dean paced across the floor. "He pushed Sam's... brain… back into Hell. Sam wasn't even in the same universe with us when we cut him down. He was fighting us... I couldn't get through to him... Alta couldn't get through..."

"Speaking of... Where is Alta?" Bobby asked.

"The Angel Tabbris said I should get Sam the hell out of there and she would take care of Alta."

"And you trusted her? You left Alta with an Angel? You know just about how trustworthy_ they_ are!" The veins in Bobby's neck stood out. "Balls!"

"Bobby this Angel... Well, _these_ Angels got Ruby's knife back to us. Tabbris saved Sam and Alta from Crowley. I didn't think it would be bad."

"These Angels? There was more than one? How many?"

"Three." Dean was worried enough about Sam. Now he needed to worry about Alta too. "Damn it!"

"Tabbris and who else? What were the names of the other two?"

"Zagzag... something... and... Forcas... I think. Why?"

"I'll try to suss out who these Angels are and what they might want."

"They said they were working with Cas... which by the way... Where is Cas?"

"He's your Angel." All of a sudden Bobby held up his hand for Dean to keep quiet. "We've got company." He walked over to the window. "It's Alta. She drove Sam's Charger home." He continued to watch. "Looks like she's alone."

Alta came in carrying Dean's duffel over one arm and Sam's over the other. "I cleaned out the rooms before I left. Here's your stuff." She looked at Dean. Clearly she was upset. She dropped both bags on the floor. "Sam might need his stuff too."

"He could use some clean clothes." Dean could tell something wasn't right but he was at a loss. He couldn't imagine why she was so cold. "Alta? What's wrong? You seem... upset."

"Where's Sam?" She avoided his question. "Is he alright?"

"We don't know he's been out since we left Dodge City."

"Yea. Thanks for the heads up. I woke up at the Motel… alone…" She glared at Dean. "_By myself! ..._ I had no idea what happened; where you and Sam were. Nothing… You left me behind!" Her voice was quiet, but it seethed with anger.

"I'm sorry, Alta. The Angel, Tabbris was the one who took out Christian and somehow Crowley too." Dean tried to explain. "She told me to get Sam to safety and she would take care of you." He gave her a sheepish look. "Guess she was a little fuzzy on the details."

"You think?" Alta rolled her eyes. "Where's Sam?"

"Kat's checking him. We put him in the panic room." Alta's eyes narrowed.

"The panic room? I can't believe you want him to wake up there!"

"Alta, he was out of control and he's a pretty big guy..." Bobby reached to put a comforting arm around her shoulder but Alta was already on her way down the stairs... the same stairs she ran down before, to see Sam tied and begging... and the same stairs she climbed when she was forced to leave... when she had to walk out of his life…. But the door was open, he wasn't tied and Kat was sitting beside the cot.

"Kat?" Alta gazed down at Sam. He was unconscious and appeared to be calm, resting. One hand lay on his chest; the other was resting by his side. "What's going on?"

"He's comatose. Physically, he's fine. I'm guessing from what Bobby and Dean have told me..." Kat hesitated. She remembered how much these two loved each other. She thought the love between them was obvious from the first time she'd seen them; when Alta was beaten and blind and Sam had cared for her... holding her in his arms, comforting her... keeping vigil through the night. "I'm afraid he's caught by his memories. I can't know for sure but I think, in his head he's in Hell."

"He is trapped inside his own memories of Hell." Castiel appeared on the other side of the cot from Alta. He gazed down at Sam and sighed. "He will have to work his own way out."

"What's going to happen?" Alta knelt down beside the cot and placed her hand on Sam's hand. She felt the steady rhythm of his breathing.

"I have no way of knowing... But if he doesn't wake soon..." Kat sighed. "We'll have to admit him to a clinic or a… well, a place that can take care of him. He'll need to be fed and he'll need an IV for fluid."

"I will take care of that." Castiel's voice was flat, very matter of fact. Kat gazed at him but decided not to inquire as to how he planned to take care of Sam. She would find out from Bobby.

"Can I have a minute please?" Alta kissed Sam's cheek as Kat left the room and Castiel vanished. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He knew her secret. He knew her shame. _Christian of all people. _"I should have told you myself." Now his last memory of her... and his last word to her... _'Whore'._

Sam didn't wake up but Alta stayed by his side. She convinced Dean and Bobby that he shouldn't wake up in the panic room and Cas moved him to the bedroom Sam had always used when he came to Bobby's and the same one he'd shared with Alta when he brought her to meet Bobby. He had stayed with her when she was injured and now she stayed with him. She stayed through the night and waited… but Sam didn't wake… he didn't even stir. His steady rhythmic breathing the only thing that made him even seem to be alive.

**… … …**

"Ben!" Alta was surprised to see him sitting in the living room waiting. No TV, no phone, no games… nothing. He was just sitting and waiting. Alta wondered how long he'd been there. "What are you doing here?" She had stayed with Sam all day and all night. It had been impossible for her to sleep lying next to him… so still… almost lifeless and yet she knew he wasn't sleeping he was reliving Hell. She'd given him a bath before she left. Washing his body… caressing his long muscular arms… washing his face… the lids that covered his beautiful eyes… the lips that made his beautiful dimples when he smiled… the light dusting of hair across his chest… She tucked him in before she left him with Kat and Bobby and Dean. She planned to get a shower and some sleep before she went back. She didn't expect to see Ben.

"How long have you been here?"

"I've been here all morning." Ben answered.

"I'm not even going to ask how you got in." Alta gave Ben a look. He couldn't tell if it was disapproving or something more like pride. _Maybe a little of both_. It was a good skill for a hunter to have.

"Can I stay with you and Sam?"

"What?" Alta was so tired she could barely think straight. "Why?"

"Mom and Dean lied to me and they aren't speaking to each other. I wanted to talk to Sam."

"Oh, Ben. I'm sorry. Sam's not here he's…"

"What's wrong?" Ben was a smart kid and he was observant. He could tell Alta was worried and he sensed it had something to do with Sam.

"He was… hurt… and he's at Bobby's." Alta sank down onto the sofa next to Ben. "He's not waking up." Ben could see the moisture in her eyes and he could feel her weariness. "I've been with him since yesterday morning. I just came home to get a shower and some sleep."

"Can I go see Sam?"

"Of course. But Ben, he won't be able to talk to you." She touched his cheek. She almost couldn't speak through the knot in her throat. "He won't even know you're there."

"I still want to go see him."

**… … …**

Sam didn't have a body to carve so when Alistair cut, he cut Sam's soul, baring him to the raw nerves. There was no blood… just tiny shining flecks of Sam's soul that flew like little snowflakes on the burning winds of Hell fire. Alistair's blade plunged into Sam's chest and the pain radiated outward, running up his arms to the tight cords that held him to the cage. Sam's couldn't help but scream… scream and plead… _Please… no... don't… please… please…_ Alistair pulled the blade out of Sam's chest but the pain didn't stop. "You… you piss ant little human… not so strong now… not strong enough to kill me now…"

Lucifer flung Alistair away. "Enough!" He growled… and began to scrape one of his long sharp claws across Sam's back, paring off tissue paper thin strips of his soul. "Just so you know…" Lucifer held up one long shining strip so Sam could see. "This will take…" Lucifer cocked his head to the side, his glowing red eyes wandering in thought. "… I'd say a couple millennia to finish." Sam's head hung low, his eyes closed. "No you don't." Sam's eyes flew open. He couldn't close them, he couldn't turn his head… he had to watch as Lucifer threw the strips of Sam… long strips of Sam's soul to the demons gathered outside the cage… like he was throwing scraps to dogs. And just like dogs they growled and fought with each other to get a piece of Sam to devour, laughing and drooling... and licking their fingers. And Lucifer laughed… always he laughed... and growled.

**... ... ...**

"Mom told me the truth. She told me Dean's my Dad. That makes me a Winchester." Ben sat beside Sam's bed and he poured out his heart to his unconscious uncle. "It means you really are my uncle. I'm not honorary, I'm real." He watched Sam and thought he saw his eyes moving under the closed lids. Ben didn't know but he decided that it meant Sam could hear him.

"I've been practicing... every day. I think I'm getting better with the butterfly but you said you would teach me how to use other blades." He watched for a reaction from Sam. "I need you to come back..." Ben laid his head on the bed next to Sam's. He tried not to cry but tears sprang up in his eyes and his voice caught in his throat. "Mom and Dean... Dad... aren't speaking to each other and they both act really weird. It's my fault... if it wasn't for me... they would still love each other." Ben choked back his tears but he kept his head next to Sam's, his mouth by Sam's ear... He whispered as if he was telling Sam a dark secret.

Sam closed his eyes and waited for the next thing Lucifer would pull from his infinite bag of tricks. Always he had some new unexpected way to hurt him, to break him, to make him utterly hopeless. He heard Ben's voice thin and filled with anguish.

_It's my fault... if it wasn't for me... with the butterfly... _

Ben's voice mingled with the three voices in Sam's head, once again battling for control_._

_What is this new torture? ... I don't know Ben..._

_I know Ben... he's a Winchester... he's already cursed... _

_I'm gonna hunt... can't stop me..._

_Train him or he'll get himself killed..._

_I need you to come back..._

_Come back? ... Come back from where? ... _

**_This isn't real... _**

_We were happy together... It's my fault..._

_You are not in Hell! ... __**It isn't real!**__ ..._

_I can see... I can smell him..._

_You made it past the wall... __**it isn't real**__... _

_Let me take us out of here..._

_Help me! ... _

_Maybe I shouldn't be here... _

_Sam?_

_**This isn't real**__… You're free! … _

_If I just wasn't here... I can do it with the butterfly..._

Ben couldn't bring himself to put his thoughts into clear words but part of Sam heard him and knew exactly what he was thinking.

_Let me go! ... __**Let me save this boy!**_

Sam's eyes opened. "Ben?" His voice was weak. He gazed around the room.

_Where is this? … What new torture is this? … _

_Bobby's… _

_Am I? …_

_This is real… _

Sam breathed a heavy sigh. It was clearer now.

"Sam!" Ben raised his head and was eye to eye with Sam. "You ok, man?" Ben's voice was barely a whisper. Sam could see his eyes were red. He'd been crying. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Sam's head was spinning; his eyes closed, his hands clutching the edges of the bed.

"I'm better." Sam gave a weak smile. "Thanks." He motioned for Ben to sit on the bed next to him. "Tell me what's going on... Where's Alta?"

Ben and Sam spent some quiet time together. It gave Sam some time to get his spinning head under control and to convince himself that this was real. Ben told Sam about Dean not living with them anymore and how Lisa had told him that Dean was his real Dad. They weren't speaking to each other and it was his fault. Sam could see that Ben's world was falling apart. Another heavy sigh helped to finally clear his head.

"It's not your fault, Ben. Believe me. This... _All this_… " Sam's hands circled to emphasize his point. "It's Lisa and Dean's issues. It's not your fault... or because of anything you did." Sam locked eyes with Ben. "You believe me?"

"Yea." Ben let out a little sigh. "I just wish things were like they were when we were all together like a family. It was nice. Why did it have to change because Dean is really my Dad? Why doesn't that make things better?"

"It's life, Ben. It just gets complicated sometimes." Sam patted Ben on the back. "I think that sometimes we just have to hang on tight and eventually it gets better." Sam cleared his throat… he tried to work up some moisture, but he had the worst 'cotton mouth' he'd ever had. "I'm really thirsty… and hungry. How long have I been out?"

"Two days."

"Well, now I'm awake, let's go downstairs and get something to eat."

"I…" Ben hesitated.

"What?" Sam knew he had more on his mind. "What else?"

"I want to stay with you and Alta." Ben's eyes were pleading.

"Ben, you're welcome at my house any time but now might not be the best time." Sam sighed. "Tell you what. You can stay with us if you talk to your mother and to Dean first… and if they agree."

"I don't want to…"

"Ben, it'll be hard. They hurt your feelings and you don't like what they're doing… but… they both love you and sometimes you have to do things that are hard. You have to face your fear and do the right thing." He stood and turned to Ben. "Come on. You can start by talking to Dean."

"Will you help me?"

"It'll be better if you talk to him by yourself. Just you and Dean. Time to be a man, Ben. If you're going to have the courage to face monsters, you can face Dean and your mom." Sam held out his hand for Ben. His eyes were soft and sympathetic. He knew this would be hard… but he knew Ben would grow by facing his fears head on. And he remembered what it was like to face Dean when he was mad and you were only thirteen. "Let's go."

**... ... ...**

Alta was dressed and ready to go back to Bobby's to take care of Sam. She was tired and she was beginning to lose hope. It seemed Sam was stuck inside his head, reliving Hell. She sighed and glanced at herself in the mirror. It was time to go. They would be expecting her. She stared at the mirror and couldn't make herself move. Maybe she could just freeze time... She wouldn't have to face another day watching Sam waste away... Knowing he was suffering, locked inside his own mind... in Hell. It's not like he even knew she was there… what difference would it make?

_So if you're not with me… if you leave me… you won't have to see it… But I'll still have to go through it and if you're not there to help…_

Sam's words echoed in her head. _If you're not there…_

"I'll be there." She sighed and walked into the kitchen. Staring at the coffee pot she decided she was late enough, she'd wait and get coffee at Bobby's. As she rounded the corner to head out the front door she heard someone on the porch… foot steps leading to the door… a hand on the door knob. Alta pulled her pistol out of its holster… holding it two handed up beside her face she waited and listened, every muscle tense, ready to spring into action. She heard the knob turn… the door open… a foot step across the thresh hold… Alta swung around the corner, squaring off and leveling her gun at the intruder.

Sam's hands when up. "Hey…hey…hey. It's me!" Sam looked weary. His eyes were dark, his shoulders slumped. He had been in battle and it showed.

"Sam!" She pulled her gun down and holstered it. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I wanted to surprise you." He chuckled. He'd eaten and drank a couple of bottles of water at Bobby's and he insisted he was good to walk the short distance home. It was only a mile… but about half way he began to wonder if it was such a good idea. The memories were real and his body had taken a beating. He was sore and weak.

"Yea? Well, I nearly shot you!"

He held his arms out and she moved into his embrace. He pulled her close to him and kissed the top of her head. She pulled tight against him.

**… … …**

"Mom told me you're my real Dad." Ben and Dean had walked out into the salvage yard to have the privacy Ben insisted on. Dean leaned against an old rusted out Chevy Nova. He was tired. He'd gotten no sleep the night before while Bobby spent all night giving him hell for leaving Lisa and precious little sleep last night worrying about Sam. Now Ben needed him. Dean scrubbed his hand across his face. "Why didn't _you _tell me?" Ben asked.

"I didn't know, Ben." Dean looked into the accusing eyes of his son.

"Why didn't _somebody_ tell me? Don't you want me?"

"Ben! Of course. I'm so proud of you. I'm happy to have a son like… I'm glad to have _you_ for my son."

"Then why did you leave? The minute you found out, you left." Ben's 13year old voice was cracking with emotion. "Why can't we be a family like we were? I liked it that way. I don't understand why you and Mom have to go and fuck everything up."

"Ben. Watch your language. I know you're mad…"

"You don't get to tell me what to do." Ben was more upset than Dean had ever seen him. He was pacing the gravel in front of Dean, his arms flailing as his voice became deeper. "You don't live with us anymore. You left!"

"Fair enough." Dean understood the courage it took for Ben to stand up to him like this. He remembered the courage it took to stand up to his Dad. "I get it. I understand you're angry but this isn't about you." Dean locked eyes with Ben. "This is about trust between me and your Mom."

"I want to stay with Sam and Alta." Ben squared off at Dean, his face set. "I don't want to be with you or Mom. You lied to me."

"No, Ben. You can't leave your mother. She raised you all your life. She did it by herself and she did a damn fine job. You're a good son and you shouldn't run out on her."

Ben huffed in response to Dean's words. "She lied to me."

"I'm sure she had her reasons. She would do anything…" Dean's words began to slow and realization was dawning in his mind. Defending her to Ben twisted his view of the situation around 180 degrees. He began to see there was another side to this and some of his self-righteousness began to dissolve. "She would do anything… to protect you… even lie about…" Dean stopped in mid-sentence his mind was racing. He put his hand on Ben's shoulder. "You can stay here at Bobby's… and if you want to you can go to Sam's… Just… give them a couple of hours before you go there." Dean was headed to the Impala. "I think I can fix this."

**… … …**

"I figured Ben would either be at Bobby's with you or at Sam's." Lisa spoke to the kitchen sink… leaning against it, her back to Dean. She didn't want him to see the hurt in her face and she tried not to let her voice give away her pain. "You moved me out here where I have no one… and now you've managed to take my son away from me."

"Ok." Dean watched her back. "I deserved that. It's not what I meant to do. I only meant…"

"To keep us safe. I know."

"Lisa, I'm sorry. I just need you to talk to me. Tell me why you kept that secret from me."

"What was I supposed to do? You were a weekend fling… I was a weekend fling."

"A really good one." Dean smiled. She couldn't see that cocky little smile but she knew it was there. After a year together she knew him so very well. "What, we got careless? You could have told me. I'm not a total _dick. _I would have done the right thing._"_

"I didn't want it to be like that. I didn't want me and especially Ben to be like some… _trap_… to tie you down."

"Still, you should have told me. You could have given me a chance."

Lisa whirled around. "How was I supposed to tell you, Dean? I didn't even know your last name… And knowing what I know now, even if I had known your last name…"

"You couldn't have found me." Dean felt a knot deep in the center of his soul. "And after I came back?"

"How could that have been good for Ben?" Lisa's voice was strained, pleading for Dean to understand. "You dropped by for a booty call, Dean. You didn't even know about Ben. And when you asked if Ben was yours, I could see pure panic in your eyes. I knew you were leaving…"

"You knew it would hurt Ben." Dean ran a hand across his eyes. _This is my fault_.

"Yes to finally have a father and be torn apart when you left again." Lisa voice became quiet but defensive. "I didn't want my son hurt like that. We were doing fine, just like we were."

"And when I came back after… after Sam…"

"You were a wreck. How did I know you would stay? I was trying to do what was best for my son. Maybe I got it wrong… but I thought…" She looked down, not wanting to face him. "I thought you would leave again… and when Sam came back… you left the instant you found out he was back."

"I get it, Lisa. I'm sorry." He came closer to her. His movements were slow, cautious. "For whatever reason… right or wrong…" He searched for words. "You raised Ben by yourself… you raised my son" Dean bent down to catch her gaze and lock eyes with her. "…and you did good, Lisa. He's a good boy… smart… I guess he gets that from you." His hands grasped her arms so lightly and he let out a little chuckle. "Lisa I'm sorry."

She was stiff. He could feel the tightness through his hands. "What do we do now? What do you want?"

"You tell me what you want. I'll do whatever…" Dean meant it. He would do whatever she wanted. He owed her that much.

"Stop it, Dean! Tell me what _you_ want!"

"I want to get it right." Dean answered.

"That's not good enough. Tell me_… what you want!_" Lisa was adamant.

"I want us to be a family. I want you to forgive me for not being here. I want to not feel guilty when I look at Ben and you." The flood gates opened and Dean Winchester… the real Dean Winchester came pouring out. "I want to hunt. I want to find Crowley and kick his ass! And I don't want to feel guilty for hunting… for leaving you and Ben when I go on a hunt. And… I want you to be _here_ when I get back from a hunt. I want to come home… to you."

Lisa sighed. Her whole being had been tensed preparing for a blow that never came and she felt like she might collapse when she finally relaxed. "Is that all?" Dean could see her mischievous smile just beginning and it was like dawn peeking through after a stormy night. He let out his breath and felt relaxed for the first time in days.

"Ben's really pissed at both of us. You think he can forgive us?" Dean watched as Lisa's soft brown eyes gazed at him.

"He's a good kid. You said so yourself." Dean moved closer hesitating just a tiny moment before he touched his lips to hers.

"Do you forgive me?" Dean waited; his lips poised a whisper away from hers. His heart pounded. He didn't know how to answer. She did the right thing… the hard thing…

"I forgive you… anything… everything." He slid his fingers through her hair. "Life's short. We got just this one chance to get it right and I aim to get it right this time." She gazed into his green eyes. "If you forgive me… we'll make it right." His eyes were questioning.

"I forgive you."

**… … …**

"I heard what Christian said. But I…" How could he possibly explain to her what he went through the past two days? And why would he want her to know? It was bad enough going through it. He'd walked home from Bobby's, trying to get his head back together… having a little time alone with his thoughts. He'd had a big dose of Hell memories, particularly nasty ones on top of the real torture from Christian. "I think I was more in Hell than… anywhere."

"Oh, Sam. I'm sorry. But I thought… you called me a whore."

"No. It wasn't you." Sam was tired… so tired. "I'll explain but… I know I've been out for a long time but… the truth is I've been in Hell and I'm exhausted… I just need…"

"Come on." Alta interrupted him. "Let's get you to bed. You need rest… sleep if you want to."

She pulled Sam to the bedroom and went to get water while he undressed. He slid into the bed, feeling the cool crisp sheets and smelling Alta all around him. When she brought him water he held up the covers inviting her into the bed. "Please."

She quickly slipped off her clothes and slid into bed beside him. Sam pulled her to him, spooning her against him, wrapping his arms around her and tucking her head under his chin. He sighed, a deep heavy sigh of relief. _Home… I'm home…_

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Some tuff stuff at the begining but ending all nice and fluffy... Next time there will be more demons and Angels… I think…  
>I love to hear from you. If you like… review and say so… I always want to hear what you think.<br>Thanks all who review and those who alert, follow and favorite my story. **_


	38. Chapter 38

_**Family Secrets: Part two – chapter 18**_

_**Whenever I taste honey from your lips**_

_**It's a moment of purpose only you can give**_

_**Whatever I hear, whatever I may see**_

_**Whatever my cause, dear, I know you'll believe**_

_**Cause you're beautiful my love **_

_**when I close my eyes**_

_**yeah you're beautiful my love **_

_**under heaven's skies**_

_**If ever you think careless is the night**_

_**I'll comfort you with silence 'til the morning light**_

_**Wherever you turn, wherever you may roam**_

_**Whatever you conquer, I'll always be your home**_

_**Cause you're beautiful my love, **_

_**when I close my eyes**_

_**yeah you're beautiful my love, **_

_**under heaven's skies**_

_**Yeah you fly me through your skies of harmony,**_

_**And you lay me down with words of honesty**_

_**Yeah you're beautiful, **_

_**you're beautiful here with me.**_

_**Yeah you're beautiful my love, **_

_**when I close my eyes**_

_Under Heaven's Skies – Collective Soul_

… … …

"It gets worse every time he lapses back into Hell memories. I don't know if that means his memories of Hell are getting stronger or his other memories are getting weaker." Cas was once again standing by the dark slow moving river with Balthazar.

"His first set of memories is 28 years and the second set is only a year." Balthazar watched as Castiel absorbed the information. "But the third set, the memories of Hell, they are over a hundred years. It stands to reason they would be the strongest." Balthazar's face remained stoic but Castiel's eyes narrowed, his shoulders slumped; a shadow of pain crossed his face.

"What is this place?" Castiel suddenly looked up from the river and his eyes ran along the low branches hanging out over the water. "It is so very dark." His eyes fell on a small empty boat pulled out of the water and resting beside the trunk of a large tree. "Not a typical heaven."

"No it isn't." Balthazar's lips pulled in a slight smile. "I like it… but then, I like dark."

"I suppose it's not unpleasant." Castiel replied. Then he went back to the problem at hand. "What can be done to help Sam?"

"They have the colt and they have the knife." Balthazar looked into his brother's eyes. "They have to kill Crowley. I can't do it for them. You can't do it."

"If I consume enough souls I would be strong enough."

"No, Castiel. You've done enough of that." Balthazar's eyes became hard and dark. "You have always been hard of heart, my brother. You must have faith. Even with the colt and the knife it will take human cunning to outsmart Crowley."

Castiel dropped to the ground, sitting beside the little boat. His face was angry. "We could defeat him if we gather the troops and mount an assault."

"Don't pout, Cas." Balthazar scolded. "I cannot kill Crowley… you cannot kill him… he has consumed too many souls and become too strong for both of us. This is about earth… and earth must be the battle ground. Crowley has to be outsmarted; trapped. All of Heaven is in agreement that the Winchesters are the ones who can keep Crowley from gaining enough strength to kill both Lucifer and Samael."

"And if all of Heaven is wrong?"

"Then Crowley will become the new Satan… a Satan not contained in a cage. The consequences for earth will be catastrophic. Then and only then can we step in and fight Armageddon. As long as Lucifer is in his cage we will not mount as assault."

**… … …**

"I found one!" Ben was with Bobby pouring over old books. He pointed to the information on the page in front of him.

"Yea? Well, let's hear what you got."

"Zagzagel: Angel of Wisdom teaches us how to listen to our own inner wisdom. God's Righteousness. In Hebrew lore, Zagzagel is the angel of the burning bush who gave advice to Moses." Ben looked up and grinned. "Moses. Awesome!"

"Yea well, go on." Bobby couldn't help but smile at the boy's enthusiasm. He might just make a good hunter after all. He'd have some good teachers.

"Zagzagel advised and taught Moses, and was one of the three angels who escorted his soul to heaven. Zagzagel is believed to rule the fourth heaven. In his spare time, he also teaches other angels."

"That sounds like one important Angel." Bobby took a sip of his whisky. "What in the world would he want with Sam and Dean?"

"Awesome!" Ben grinned. "He rules 'fourth heaven'. How many heavens are there?"

"That's an interesting question. I'm not sure but apparently there at least seven since we already heard about Samael ruling over 'seventh heaven'. You can research that on your on time." Bobby nodded toward the book Ben was holding. "One thing you have to learn about research is to stay on task and not let yourself get sidetracked."

"Yea. I'm gonna look for another one."

"You do that, son." Bobby smiled at Ben. He showed a lot of promise with the research.

"How's it going?" Dean asked.

"'Bout time you make an appearance. Me and the boy here have been at it all day."

"I know, thanks Bobby." Dean grinned. "Me and Lisa really appreciate it."

"Yea, well, I ain't a baby sitter." Bobby growled but his face softened when he looked at Ben. "But I could use some help with the books once in a while."

"Good, 'cause research is at least half the job." Dean patted Ben's shoulder. "Every hunt begins with research."

"Yea, there's nothing like a well-researched, well planned hunt." Sam said as he came in on the tail end of the conversation.

"I see you're up and about." Bobby eyed Sam. "You feel ok? You had a rough time of it."

"Yea, I'm better. Been resting and sleeping most of the day."

"While you were sleeping and you..." Bobby glanced at Dean. "…were… whatever… Me and Ben have been sussing out your Angel friends."

"What have you got?" Sam glanced at Ben. He could see the pride and excitement on the boy's face.

"Well this Zagzagel is the smart one. He's a teacher of other Angels." Bobby started the briefing.

"Yea, in his spare time." Ben added. Sam and Dean glanced at each other. Dean's little smile and nod of pride was answered by Sam's.

"He gives knowledge and wisdom. Apparently he's been a guide to some high powered folks, like Abraham and Moses." Bobby continued.

"He should pay a visit to Washington." Dean interjected.

"Well, maybe. But he and his friends were looking for you Winchesters, apparently."

"Why would they be looking for us?" Sam asked; his forehead wrinkled, his eyes questioning.

"Don't know. But his friends are pretty special too. They were the three Angels that paid a visit to Abraham right before they leveled the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah." Bobby's eyes went from one brother to the other. "These three pack a pretty powerful punch."

"They should definitely pay a visit to Washington."

"So who are the other two?" Sam asked.

"Tabbris is the Angel of self-determination and she presides over free will and inspires within us the ability to choose creative alternatives." Bobby flipped a couple of pages in the large book he was referencing. "Forcas is the Angel of Invisibility and he can return lost property."

"Like Ruby's knife." Dean interjected.

"Looks like." Bobby responded.

"In his spare time he teaches mathematics and logic." Ben added that little tidbit. Sam and Dean both gave approving nods.

"Here's the kicker. Forcas is also known as Forras. He's a demon in Babylonian lore." Bobby's look was suspicious. "Same MO. He's a magic man who teaches logic and secrets. He can give invisibility and reveal hidden treasures."

Dean scratched thoughtfully at his cheek. "It must have been him that was giving Crowley a fit. It looked like he was fighting something invisible." Dean had one eye brow cocked; his brain tracking a thought. "So… He's a double agent?"

"That's an interesting theory." Sam's lips curled down, his brow wrinkled. This was puzzling.

"Don't know." Bobby answered. "But I know we've got to nail Crowley. And Meg's on the loose." His eyes rolled heavenward. "No telling what else is on the loose out there." He heaved a heavy sigh. "And I hate to say it but just 'cause your new _might be_ friends helped you get out of that mess with Crowley don't mean they aren't ready to nuke something on down the line."

"Well." Sam sighed and pulled out his new I-Pad as he plopped on the sofa. "Let's start searching for something we can hunt."

"Come on, Ben. You can help me with this Firebird I've been restoring. Somebody's got to make an honest living." Sam looked after Dean and Ben as they headed out to the salvage yard.

**… … …**

Alta spent the afternoon with Lisa. She started Lisa's self-defense lessons with some kick boxing. "It's amazing how much power you have in your legs. It's for sure you pack a more powerful punch from your lower body than your upper body. Most women aren't as strong in their upper body movements. But that doesn't mean you can't deliver a hurtful punch with your fist or an elbow." Alta explained. "We'll work on both, but start with kicks."

"Ok." Lisa had a long lean look but anyone who thought she was frail was mistaken. Alta soon found that she was very limber. _All that yoga, no doubt_. And she picked up the moves very quickly.

"The point is that these moves become second nature. You practice them enough to have muscle memory." Alta instructed. "You don't want to have to think about the moves. Your body follows the memory pattern."

After they spent a couple of hours on kicks and punches they hit down town and went shopping. Lisa shared the recent day's events with Alta. "I had no idea." Sam had never told her his suspicions about Ben and she never really thought about it. "I can see your point, though. I mean, I can see how you didn't have a choice at first and then… Sometimes the Winchester men are just a pain in the ass."

"What?" Lisa was astonished to hear Alta put it that way. "Are you kidding? You and Sam… you two are so… like… made in heaven." Alta laughed… but Lisa was serious. "Sam actually hunted you down… I mean he loved you so much he came out of this… thing in his head… He didn't even know who you were but he still hunted you down. How romantic is that!" Alta just looked at Lisa puzzled. "You are just so… I mean… You fit together like a hand and glove… no doubts."

"It's not like that." Alta was shaking her head. She loved Sam. There was no doubt, but it just wasn't like Lisa saw it. "It's not been easy with Sam… It's been hard… damn hard. I love him… I do… but… at times the heart break has been almost more than I could bear."

Lisa was quiet. Her whole view of the two of them was now a big question. "Maybe I shouldn't envy you."

"Yea, you shouldn't. What we have is… powerful… but I wouldn't wish it for anyone… going through all this shit with Sam… I thought you and Dean were just so happy together. I couldn't imagine how anything could rock your relationship." Alta looked around and realized they were in 'Victoria's Secret'. "Oh…"

"Dean and I had a major good make up session last night. I thought I was going to lose him. But he wants to stay with me and Ben…" Lisa smiled. Her eyes were so soft and rich brown; a little dreamy. "I'm getting something special for tonight. She picked up a pink and black lacy nightie. "This is cute, don't you think?" Alta had no idea this was the type of shopping Lisa had in mind. Her clothes always tended to be functional and she just didn't give thought to lacy, frilly stuff that was so feminine. It never seemed to matter to Sam. He was always in such a rush to get her clothes off her. He never seemed to notice what she was wearing. She thought it was a waste. "Dean will go wild for this one. What do you think? It'll turn him on, uh?"

"I guess." Alta felt the need to answer, but she really didn't like the conversation at all. She never gave much thought to being feminine or frilly. It just didn't go along with being a hunter. And she definitely didn't want to think about what turned Dean on. This made her decidedly uncomfortable. Maybe I'm a bit of a prude at heart…

"Oh, Alta. Don't tell me you don't wear some special things for Sam once in a while."

"I'm not much for the lacy stuff." Alta once again felt inadequate in Lisa's presence. She was so feminine and so pretty… she was everything Alta wasn't. I'm just a hunter; plain and simple. And she always made Alta wonder if Sam would rather have someone who was delicate and pretty, lacy and feminine… like Lisa. She knew it was her feelings not anything that Lisa was doing to make her feel that way… but she felt somewhat less a woman around Lisa.

"Let's get you something." Lisa smiled that same smile she had when she talked Alta into getting that dress. And Sam did seem to like it… Lisa picked up a lacy black bra. "What size? … No, never mind. Let's get you sized." She called a sales woman and the two went to work on Alta and she spent what she thought was way too much time picking out underwear. Alta finally left the store with Lisa and several boxes of … the lacy frilly underwear… hardly a good enough name for it. She had no idea what Sam would think. He might just laugh at her. Who was she kidding; putting her hunters body in this stuff.

**… … …**

Alta decided to stop by the grocery store and pick up some supplies on her way home. She didn't notice the woman standing outside as she parked and walked into the store. Alta had been so engrossed in conversation with Lisa that she hadn't noticed the same woman outside Victoria's Secret. The woman's dark eyes followed her as she went through the store. Coffee… sugar… cream… _Strawberries looked good_… paper towels… beer_… champagne sounds nic_e… bag 'o salad… Steak, Sam needs the protein… _need a good red wine for the steak_… _whipped cream for the strawberries_… Alta meant to pick up basics but ended up running all around the store as things just popped into her head… always the strange woman had her dark eyes on Alta watching her every move. Her long ring clad fingers easily pointing Alta in the direction of choice selections. She smiled as Alta left the store, the trunk of her Camaro full… and in a rush of Angel's wings the woman was gone.

**… … …**

Sam was still weak from his ordeal and it didn't take long for him to doze off.

"Sam." Bobby looked up from the book he'd been studying. "You might as well go home and get some decent rest, boy. You've been through… Hell… literally." He rolled his eyes. "Nobody expects you to bounce back this fast. Go home… get some rest."

"Maybe you're right Bobby." Sam sat up and immediately went into a swoon. His eyes shut, his hands gripping the edge of the sofa cushions, he waited for the dizziness to pass."

"You ok, son?"

"Just sat up too fast, I think." Sam grimaced. This was a little more than a temporary dizzy spell from sitting up to quickly.

"When's the last time you ate?" Bobby noticed Sam's pale face. Even though Sam was muscular, he had always been lean, but Bobby thought he looked a little too lean, lately.

"I ate this morning… cereal."

"Damn, son. It's six o'clock. I'll fix you something before you go home."

"No, I'm ok. I'll eat when I get home." He saw the sour look on Bobby's face. "I promise."

"Honestly, if someone doesn't watch you, you'd starve yourself to death!" Sam grinned in response. It was the same grin Bobby had seen on Sam's face for years; ever since he was a kid. The grin that said Sam knew Bobby loved him… it was the grin that cut through all Bobby's crustiness and straight to his heart. Somewhere in that big Sasquatch of a man, there was still a little Sammy. "Go on home." Bobby waved his hand in dismissal. "And eat something!"

**… … …**

When he got home Alta was rushing around in the kitchen. He stood in the doorway watching her. The table was set with candles, no less. Sam's look was puzzled. She turned when she heard him chuckle. His big body filled the doorway as he leaned against the frame. "What's all this?" He motioned to the table. "Why are you so domestic all of a sudden?"

"You need a good meal. We've been through a lot lately and I just wanted to spoil you a little."

"Well, I like it." He smiled. "Do I smell steaks?"

"I can cook… at least the basics. Don't expect anything fancy."

"This is fancy enough, I'm starving." He stepped to the table. "May I?"

"You can start with your salad while the steaks rest."

"Rest?" He gave her a little laugh. His face was genuinely puzzled. "You even know this stuff?"

"Yes, and I know wine needs to breath. I'm not stupid." She rolled her eyes at him but there was just a hint of a smile on her lips.

"I've never thought you were stupid. I just never thought you…"

"Shut up and eat or you'll spoil the mood." She turned off the lights and sat at the table.

She was beautiful in the candle light. Her green eyes sparkled as he gazed at her. She's wearing makeup… and a dress. He didn't know what was going on, but he liked it… a lot. The further they got into the meal the better he felt. The protein of the steak was just what he needed and he had to admit she got it just the way he liked it, medium rare. The wine was faultless too, not that he was much of a connoisseur but the full bodied Cabernet was perfect with the steak.

"Let me help." He stood and took her plate with his to the sink. They cleaned up the kitchen together. She washed as he dried and put away. Each time he stood beside her at the sink, he stood close enough for their bodies to touch. As she finished the last dish, she gave him a shove with her hip, looked up at him and smiled. It was all Sam could take. He left the last dish in the sink and pulled her to him. He bent down to place a kiss on her neck and breathed deep the scent of her. She wore no perfume… just her own scent; that unique smell that was her, his lover. That's exactly the way he wanted it.

"I have dessert too." She offered.

His mouth wandered down her neck, across her collar bone and down the deep V of her dress. "This is all the dessert I want." She sucked in a deep breath when he slipped his tongue down between her breasts. She was suddenly hot and breathless and he watched as her breasts heaved; her skin blushing red. Sam's eyes were suddenly dark as he gazed at her. He guided her toward the bedroom… she forgot about the strawberries and whipped cream… His smile was anything but playful. "Let's see what you got for dessert." His hands reached to the zipper at the back of the little black dress she wore so well. Once it was down, his hands slid across her back and he reached to unfasten her bra.

"No… wait." She'd spent all this time all the money and she wanted him to see her… see her sexy."

"What…" Sam's face darkened and his eyes narrowed. He wouldn't be denied. He moved forward, moving her closer to the bed.

"Just…" She didn't quite know how to make him slow down without making him hotter. She pulled away from him and pushed him toward the bed. He looked at her questioning but he let her push him until he was against the bed. One more light shove and he was seated, looking up at her as she stood before him. She was suddenly doubtful again, wondering if he would think she was silly. He knew she wanted something from him. He just didn't know quite what. There was a long pause as she waited.

He didn't quite know what she wanted, but he knew what he wanted and he reached up to pull the shoulders of her dress down, peeling it to her waist and revealing the little lacy black bra underneath. Sam took in a sudden breath as he gazed at her breasts swelling up from the lace that barely contained them and the darkness of her nipples peeking out as they swelled at his intense stare. He reached for the edges of her dress, pulling it down to reveal the rest of her beauty. He swelled when he saw the lacy black butterfly that covered the dark hair at her center, watching as she stepped out of the dress. He reached out to caress her, feeling the naked skin of her cute little ass that fit into his hands so well. "I love butterflies." He pulled her to him and kissed the flesh just above the butterfly… breathing in the scent of her. He worked his way up her body pulling her closer until she was straddled across his lap and he was biting her nipples through the lace. "Ummm" he hummed. And she could feel his desire through his jeans. "How should I eat this beautiful dessert?" He ran his hands through her hair and brought his lips to hers in a slow deep kiss. "Slow, I think… very slow…"

"Sam…" She could barely catch her breath as he slid one hand down her back, around and across her belly and slipped under the butterfly. His fingers splayed through her hair. He locked eyes with hers and she stared into his dark eyes. He watched the sensual pleasure roll across her face as he slid one long finger into the depth of her. He pulled his legs apart, forcing her wider open as his wet finger found the bundle of nerves that he knew would drive her crazy.

"Um… Love butterflies…" He murmured and he caught her silent scream in his mouth as he drove her closer… closer. "Feel all those butterflies?" He felt her tremble. "Time for dessert." He quickly lifted her and turned lowering her to the bed. Her body was screaming for his touch, needing him to finish what he started, but she didn't protest… she knew what was coming… his mouth… his tongue… He pulled her thongs lower and she shifted for him to pull them off. She watched her dark haired, dark eyed lover move between her legs. His hands caressed her ass and pulled her to him. She watched as he smiled up at her, a wicked sweet smile, his tongue raked between her lips searching and finding his target. One hand drifted down and he slid two long fingers into her, finding her sweet spot and pushing up to make her swell for his oh so wonderful tongue.

Her head fell back. She shivered. "S'mm" She could feel the heat building and suddenly her whole world revolved around his fingers… his tongue… his lips. He could feel her passion building… felt her muscles tense… felt her convulse and tightening around his fingers… felt her orgasm… knew just which lick of his tongue brought her ecstasy. He drained all her aftershocks… all her shuddering until she lay limp as he pulled off his clothes. He kissed his way back up her body and lay beside her, propped up on one elbow, watching her breath.

He waited for her to open her eyes and sigh. He knew she would. "You know what the French call an orgasm?" He smiled at her. She shook her head. "La petit mort." She gazed as him unable to speak. "It means 'Little Death'" He ran his hand down between her breasts and across her belly as he gazed into her eyes. "Watching you, I can see why. It's like you dance on the edge of death." She didn't know what to say to him. He kissed her… she could smell her own passion on his breath mixed with the scent of him. He moved between her legs. She could feel him full and hard against her. He pressed lightly against her moist swollen lips slipping just barely into her. Teasing her. "I want to watch you... dying for me... again."

"Slay me…" And she felt him sliding deep into her… hard and hot… and so… so… Sam.

**… … …**

"How about this one?" Lucifer's voice was especially patronizing. "You loved her so much." Her long blond hair was the first thing Sam saw. He could smell the light flowery scent of her perfume. She smiled as she stood before him, long white gown falling loosely on her curvy figure. He knew her. Her bright blue eyes… her innocent smile. "She didn't know what you really were. She didn't know about your demon blood or that you'd already killed more beings than she could possibly imagine." Lucifer snarled out a laugh.

_Jess… It was Jess! No! … don't… don't… don't._

"She thought she was going to marry a lawyer, not a murderer." Jess continued to gaze at him with her smiling eyes. Her scent was gone and all he could smell was the sulfurous stench of Hell fire and the putrid smell of Lucifer's breath as he moved closer to her.

_No… not Jess…_

His breath poured over her, melting her skin from her bones. Sam would have turned his head if he could... would have closed his eyes... would have done anything not to hear her painful cry as Lucifer's giant hideous mouth licked her up like a cone of melting ice cream. Licking over and over until there was nothing left of her. And he laughed. He always laughed. The bile in Sam's throat burned even more than the choking fumes of Hell fire_**.**_

_This isn't real…_

Sam's guts churned. He wanted to believe.

_You dare fall in love again._

_How can he have known?_

_It isn't real._

_He knows… he knows about Alta._

_Foolish man … _

_How can he know?_

_It's not real!_

_I'll devour her too._

_No… no… no._

_Alta!_

_I won't let you! I'll kill you, myself…_

_You can't kill Satan, you foolish man._

_It isn't real…_

_It's real and I will kill you! I swear it!_

"I will kill you! I swear it!" Sam woke up screaming. Every muscle in his body was tense. He was drawn into a tight ball, like a coiled snake. Alta ran a hand across his back.

"Sam?" She spoke softly, not wanting to startle him.

"I'm ok. It was just a dream." His body eased… he rolled to his back and held up his arm for her to snuggle against him and lay her head on his shoulder.

"Sam, you're burning up." She ran her hand across his chest. It was damp with sweat. "Who are you going to kill?"

_Lucifer._"Nobody. It was just a dream." Sam sighed.

"Another dream of Hell." It wasn't a question. She knew the signs.

"It's still dark outside. Let's just go back to sleep until morning." He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head then he turned to his side and spooned her up against him, tucking her head under his chin. Sam thought of his mother and he thought of Jess and he pulled her even closer to him as he thought of Alta.

_If I want this to stop, I'll have to kill him._

_I can't kill Satan._

Sam buried his face in her hair and sighed. She felt his fear… his grief… but didn't know what she could possibly do to help.

**… … …**

Deep in earth the battle for control of Hell raged on. The bright powerful white wings of Samael kept him aloft and protected him from every blow that Lucifer sent his way. Likewise Lucifer's shining black wings fended off Samael's blows and sent lightening blows back to his attacker. A great crowd of demons and damned souls gathered at the edge of the cage awaiting the outcome. It was rather like watching a caged wrestling match. Two powerful Angels locked in the cage with death of one or the other being the only outcome.

But Crowley saw a different outcome. He saw himself seizing this opportunity to turn Heaven and Hell; the earth and all of God's creation on its ear. The air around him crackled with the power of the dozens of souls he had consumed. He was close… so close. He sensed he was not quite strong enough yet… but soon. He turned his back on Hell and rose unwatched to the surface. Many of the demons followed suit and took the opportunity to rise to the surface while no one was guarding the gates.

Crowley's new place on earth was posh by anyone's standards. The mansion he controlled was elegant. Most importantly it had a secret basement which Crowley had perfectly suited to his needs with implements of torture and cages to hold creatures. And he had hunters… recruited from Hell. Hunters who were willing to serve Crowley for a taste of life again. Chief among them were Roy and Walt. Not the brightest, but adequate enough to bag some creatures for him.

**… … …**

_**TBC**_

_**Thanks for all the comments, the favorites and the alerts.**_


	39. Chapter 39

_Family Secrets - Part two – chapter 19_

_I don't own Supernatural or the SPN characters. Only Alta Campbell and Maggie Neil are my own._

_***Warning Sam's dream in this chapter is dark… very dark… rated M for a reason… So, if you're squeamish… and have an vivid imagination… you're forewarned. That being said… I hope you enjoy.**_

… … …

_**Watch my world spin round**_

_**It stops for you**_

_**I'll give you heaven for a view**_

_**I set my sights on high **_

_**My aim is true**_

_**I'd walk on water just for you**_

_**All is all I can give you**_

_**All is all I can do**_

_**All is all I wish for when I'm with you**_

_**Come lay your troubles down**_

_**Rest here with me**_

_**My kingdom is all yours to receive**_

_**All is all I can give you**_

_**All is all I can do**_

_**All is all I wish for when I'm with you**_

_**Well, I'll push the clouds away**_

_**So you can have sunshine**_

_**I'll give you anything that your heart desires**_

_**All is all I can give you**_

_**All is all I can do**_

_**All is all I wish for when I'm with you**_

_All – Collective Soul_

**… … …**

"Ok. Show me what you got." Dean stood with Ben on the front porch of Sam and Alta's house. He watched as Ben quietly picked the lock on the front door. Ben motioned to Dean and counted down silently. Three... Ben held out three fingers. Two... two fingers. One... one finger. He pushed the door open and entered low, sweeping from right to left; Dean directly behind him sweeping left to right; shotguns loaded with salt rounds.

Sam stood in a dark corner of the room... silent and motionless. No one could disappear quite like Sam and Dean knew it. Neither Ben nor Dean saw him. They worked together to clear the living room and then move on to clear the rest of the house. As they moved from room to room Sam silently tailed them... watching... studying every move. Finally Ben exited the back door with Dean behind him.

"Clear." Ben looked up at Dean expectantly.

"You sure about that?" Sam's voice sounded from the doorway that Ben had just exited with Dean.

"Oh, man!" Ben whined his disappointment.

"Lucky it was Sam and not an evil spirit or demon." Dean put a hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Over all... not bad. You just have to take enough time and check more systematically, especially the dark corners. It will come with practice." Sam was coming down the steps to meet them. "Next time through I think you should hide and see if me or Dean can flush you out."

"It's late." Dean herded Ben toward the Impala.

"Yea, I want to do some more research." Sam ruffled Ben's hair.

"I could help with the research."

"Come on, Ben. You need to get to bed and I'm ready to head toward the bed myself." Dean nodded to Sam. "See you tomorrow."

"Yea, g'night." Sam walked back into the house and started searching on his I-Pad. It wasn't long before he heard the Camaro pulling up into the driveway and he stepped out on the porch to meet Alta.

"Did you have a good lesson?" Sam's smile seemed to light up his face and Alta couldn't help but smile in return.

"Yea. It was great. Lisa picks things up very fast. She's so agile and graceful." Sam stepped aside so she could walk past him into the house. "She makes self-defensive moves look like a dance." Alta glanced back at him.

"I like to watch you fight." Sam followed her into the kitchen.

"Really?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure I'm not as graceful as Lisa."

"Grace doesn't take out your opponent. Competency does and you're competent."

"Uh." Alta huffed. "Lisa's graceful… I'm competent."

Sam gave her a puzzled look. "We're talking about fighting, right?"

"Yes, of course." Alta was heading into the kitchen and Sam followed her.

"Because if were talking about fighting, I'd rather have competence than grace any day. But if we're talking about something else… let me know." Alta was at the counter reaching for a glass. Sam stood behind her; his hands grasped her waist and his body molded against her back. He bent down and spoke softly in her ear. "I'll take you over Lisa any day… in any way." A knot in rose in her throat and tears burned her eyes as his actions melted away her insecurities. He could feel her tension dissolve. "Alta?" He was truly surprised. She reached for the bottle of whiskey and brought it down from the cabinet. She desperately wanted to change the subject. She didn't want him to know just how unfeminine Lisa made her feel.

"How did Ben do on your exercise?" She poured whiskey into her glass, swallowed down the shot and poured another.

Sam stepped away and waved off her offer of a glass. "He did well." Sam nodded. "Really well."

"He didn't find you, did he?"

"No, but he'll learn. How's he doing with hand to hand?"

"Good." Alta sipped her whiskey. "He has the desire. But what he does in lessons might not translate on a hunt… when he has to face monsters in the flesh."

"Yea. Well that'll be the acid test of whether he really wants to hunt or not."

"Sam?" Alta looked at him her eyes were soft and searching. She needed something from him. He could tell but he was clueless as to what she wanted and he had a sinking feeling he was not going to say or do the right thing. "About the things Christian said…"

"It's ok." Sam was earnest. "It doesn't matter. He was a dick. It's past… gone… he's dead." He was honest. To him it didn't matter but it did to her. She needed him to hear her… needed him to know what she had felt and why she was even with Christian. But Sam was a Winchester. Pack it down deep and hide it away. That was the way the Winchester men did things. So she didn't tell him what she needed him to hear and it left her wondering what he really thought.

**… … …**

"Balthazar refuses to rally the troops." Castiel faced the three Angels. "He refuses to fight as long as Lucifer is in the cage." They stood in the midst of a lush green forest. The three Angels dressed in long flowing robes, seemed to hover above the ground, not quite touching it.

"Balthazar has been headstrong since the day he was created but he lacks the ability to think outside the box." Tabbris's eyes pierced Castiel, making him acutely aware that he stood in the presence of a much higher being. "He, like Michael has always been too literal. But he and Michael command the Host of Heaven, save for you alone."

"They follow blindly." Forcas sighed. "They were created as a perfect army… to follow without question."

Zagzagel stood quietly watching Castiel. His long hair was loose and flowing around him like a dark mane. And Castiel was humble. His head slightly bowed; he watched the three Angels through his lashes with furtive glances never lingering on any one of them. "I can fight Crowley, but I need more power. He has consumed more souls and will soon be strong enough to kill both Lucifer and Samael. I'm sure that is his plan."

"And if he does this, he will become the new Satan. One not contained in a cage… a demon Satan, not an Angel." Forcas mused. "An interesting turn of events; It would be disastrous for earth." He turned his gaze to his companions. "I think we should consider Castiel's plan."

Tabbris lowered her dark head, reaching beneath her flowing red robe she pulled out a massive sword with a golden blade. This is 'Heaven's Cloud'. She held the sword high above them filling the forest with brilliant light. Her long robe swirled around her; her long dark hair caught up in a heavenly wind. As she turned the sword, swinging it downward in a long arc, all light was gone; leaving them in total darkness. She returned 'Heaven's Cloud' to its hilt beneath her robe and they stood in the diffuse light of the forest. "This blade can kill Lucifer. It has the power to kill all but God himself."

Forcas stepped forward so that he was in the midst of the gathered Angels. His pale skin shimmered as he breathed a deep breath. His pale eyes shined brightly and holding out his arms so that all within the circle of his protection began to disappear into the swirling circles of his pale shining eyes. "I have the stealth to hide us from all but Lucifer himself." Forcas lowered his arms and all became visible again.

Forcas and Tabbris both turned to Zagzagel waiting to hear his reply. "I am known as 'God's Righteousness'." Zagzagel stated bluntly. "If this is not within his will… if it is not righteous… we will fail." All were silent until Zagzagel finished his pondering and finally spoke again. "Castiel, your concern for this world… this earth… God's creation… and the humans who are also God's creation… his favored creation… is righteous. We will help you." His eyes fell on his companions and each of the three Angels exchanged knowing glances and Tabbris smiled.

Long dark shining black wings; like the wings of a giant Raven, began to unfurl behind Tabbris. Her wings flapped once… sending out a wave of blessed air that blew over Castiel… twice… she began to lift… a third time…"Come." She commanded and seizing Castiel she flew toward the threshold of the crevice that led down into the depths of Hell.

As they descended into the abyss, Tabbris folded her wings gaining momentum and they fell further and faster into the depths. Demons climbed along the walls clamoring to get to the surface. More and more demons clamored upward the deeper they plunged. As they neared the bottom Tabbris raised her dark wings, flapping to break their fall and sending waves of blessed air across the floor of Hell. She hovered, holding Castiel aloft. Beneath them the damned souls reached upward breathing in the blessed air from her wings and begging to be saved from their fate. The demons cursed and snarled, throwing stones and spears at the two Angels above them. Castiel held out his hands and drew in the souls below him. Dozens of souls streamed into him through his outstretched hands. More than he had ever taken when Balthazar had brought him down into the pit. He folded his hands and started to unfurl his wings but Tabbris shook him. "Take more. The battle will be fierce. Crowley has grown stronger." And Castiel held out his hands drawing more and more souls into him until the air around him crackled with the power of souls within him.

"Now!" Tabbris released him and Castiel's wings unfurled shining brilliant white. He flapped and the two Angels began to rise from the floor of Hell, circling each other, the dark and the light in a graceful dance to the surface.

**… … …**

Sam stared into Adam's eyes. His intense blue eyes were wide with terror. "What have you done?" He screamed to Sam.

"Adam!" Sam returned his scream and ran to help his brother. "No… no… no!" Sam ran toward Adam, and was enveloped in a blinding white light. As he ran out of the glow and reached Adam he was no longer whole. Part of him was gone. He touched Adam with hands that appeared translucent and sparkling. Adam shielded his eyes as if he couldn't look at the brightness of Sam's naked soul, exposed and defenseless. "Adam… I'm sorry… so sorry."

"You've killed me!" Adam turned his head but Sam could still see his accusing eyes and the blame was heavy on his soul. He had no mind to reason… to rationalize what happened. All he felt was guilt and sorrow.

Michael howled his anger at Adam. "Weak little human!" Michael's wings scraped across Adam's face like sharp knives and Adam screamed in pain. "Stupid, weak little being, look what you've done." He raised his wing high to slice at Adam again.

"No!" Sam screamed and lunged to put himself between Adam and Michael's attack. The daggers of the Angels wing feathers sliced through Sam's soul. The pain was more than any he'd ever felt and his scream of agony filled the depths of Hell. "Oh God." He prayed and scooped Adam beneath him, covering him with his soul. "It's my fault… it's my fault…" Sam chanted like a hymn. "I'm sorry… so sorry… it's my fault…"

"You killed him… you deal with him." Lucifer's snarling laughter echoed off the walls of Hell and all the creatures but Michael cringed. Sam Winchester stared down into the dead blue eyes of his brother. Lucifer adhered Adam's dead body to Sam's soul, lashed to the walls of his cage. Their arms and legs fused together leaving Adam hanging off of Sam's soul. Sam felt the pain of the slow poisonous rotting of Adam's body in the fused arms and legs… in his soul. His face was staring up into Sam's face. Adam's mouth fell open in a silent scream; his eyes staring blankly no longer alive… no longer able to accuse… only to constantly remind. Sam would have closed his eyes, would have turned his head but he was frozen in place staring into Adam's face; feeling the rotting of Adam's flesh in his soul. He found no comfort in it but he continued to chant his hymn of sorrow and regret… _I'm sorry… so sorry… It's my fault… so sorry. _And the stench of death filled Sam's senses as Adam's body slowly rotted… little by little… day after day… week after week… until it finally fell free in a crusted heap at Sam's feet.

"When you kill her… you can wear her too…" Satan's voice hissed like a snake as Alta's face floated before Sam's eyes; her mouth gaping in a silent scream, her lifeless eyes staring at him.

Sam came awake with a jolt. Alta had become used to the effects of Sam's night terrors. He'd awakened in terror every night for the last several weeks. She put her hand on his shoulder as she usually did to quiet and comfort him until he fell asleep again. But this time was different. His body remained tense and he clutched her, desperately pulling her to spoon up against him. He wrapped her in his arms, burying his face in her hair. He pulled her closer, tightly against him as if he could meld them together… as if he wanted to disappear into her. She felt him trembling. "Sam?"

"Shhhh. Please… just let me hold you." His voice trembled. And she lay still until his body finally relaxed as he fell asleep again.

_**... … …**_

Sam woke up alone. His immediate reaction was panic. He was usually up long enough to go for a run and make coffee before Alta stirred. He bolted out of bed and nearly ran to the kitchen. Coffee was made and the smell comforted him. He poured a cup, adding cream and sugar and went in search of Alta. He found her on the back deck, curled in one of the Adirondack chairs looking into the woods. He sat down in the chair next to hers wishing she was close enough to touch.

"I love the Fall." Her voice was dreamy. "The colors are so vivid… beautiful. Look at that one." She pointed to a tree at the edge of the woods. "It's so bright yellow, it practically glows."

"Um." He sipped his coffee and began to calm as he looked at the colors. "The air is crisp."

"Um…" She answered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" He knew what she meant. _NO… no… don't ask!_

"About the nightmares. It might help."

"No." Sam had no desire to relive the horrors of his dreams. He stood and walked back into the house. "I'm going to get Ben. I promised to train him this morning."

Alta sighed. She didn't want to know what horrors he faced in his dreams but she knew he needed to talk about it. She thought it had been getting worse and after last night she knew it.

**… … …**

Sam spent the morning with Ben practicing with blades while Dean worked on a '67 Mustang he was restoring. They met at Bobby's for lunch and afterward Bobby and Sam worked on Ben's Latin until Dean decided to take a break from his work and take Ben to the shooting range. They had Ben on a crash course, teaching as much as he could take. And Ben seemed to thrive on the attention. Sam wondered that he never complained or seemed to want to go back to a 'normal' life. Perhaps it was because he'd already had normal and this was his choice or perhaps he was just born for the hunt, just a natural… like Dean. Sam headed back home for dinner and hoped that Alta would not still want him to talk about his dreams.

**… … …**

They opted to go out for dinner, neither of them being much for cooking; it was easier to go to the local diner or the steak house. Sam talked about training Ben and how pleased he was with the boy's progress. Alta praised Lisa's progress as well as Ben's and she told Sam that Lisa had talked her into giving classes in self-defense for women at her studio. They talked about the research and how slow going it had been. They talked about everything but Sam's dreams and Alta's past with Christian. Sam knew she would ask again. It was only a matter of time. Time to get home…

"Maybe if you just talk about it…"

"No." Sam's jaw was set, his eyes dark and narrow, his lips a thin line. "There's no need to dump all this on anyone else. It's _my_ problem. These are _my_ issues! I'll deal with them."

Alta knew the look and it was pretty much a given she wouldn't get anywhere but she felt that she had to try. "Look, you are having nightmares pretty much every night. And it's not getting better. It's getting worse." Sam had turned his back and was staring out the living room window. She caught his arm and tried to nudge him to turn and face her but he pulled away from her.

"I'll deal with this."

"Sam." Her voice was soft. She was trying so very hard to be reasonable. "That's the problem. You're _not_ dealing with it." She moved around to stand in front of him. Her eyes were pleading when he glanced down at her. "Tell me. Let me help."

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"Alta." He met her gaze and his eyes softened. "It's the worst… the most…" He shook his head; his hands slicing through the air trying to make her understand what he couldn't put into words. "Agony in a way you can't possibly…" He threw his hands up in despair. "I can't describe it…" He backed away from her and then turned. His voice was so soft she could barely hear him. "I don't want you to know… don't want this… horror… in your head… It's better if you don't know."

"Then talk to Dean or Bobby."

"NO! Stop it!" Sam spun around, his hand raised. Alta knew he was going to hit her. She saw it in his eyes. His face was twisted with anger… hate. Something in him _wanted _to hurt her. Something in him was ready to hit her. It frightened him and made him angry at the same time. Her reaction was immediate and instinctive. She ducked the blow she knew was coming and turning to the side, her right foot connected with his midsection with a mighty kick. Sam stumbled backward, a loud groan escaping and his hands flailing out; he managed to keep his feet.

Alta squared off to face him. He could see her jaw working as she gritted her teeth, ready to defend herself, one second from an offensive strike. Sam was horrified, his face changed in the instant he realized what he'd almost done. He'd almost hit her. But he didn't understand what he _had _done. He saw the anger in her but he didn't recognize the past hurt he dredged up inside her. She'd buried all the hurt, the pain and the fear long ago and she thought she'd made peace with those memories but the encounter with Christian, hearing him brag to Sam about her pain… and shame… had brought it all to the surface.

"Alta, I'm sorry…"

It was the worst thing he could say. She'd heard 'I'm sorry' too many times. She grabbed her jacket and silently marched out the door, down the steps and hopped into the Camaro without a word. She didn't as much as glance back at him as he watched her leave.

**… … …**

"Hey Bobby." Sam called from the front door.

"I'm in the study." Bobby scrubbed a hand over his eyes and picked up the cup of cold coffee at his right hand. He stared into it wondering why he even bothered to pour it.

"How's the research going?" Sam eased into the study. He recognized the frustration in Bobby's voice and handed Bobby a beer from the six-pack he brought with him.

"It's pretty slow going. There's not much more than the basic info on those three and I can't get a handle on what their motives might be." Bobby unscrewed the cap and took a long drink of his beer while Sam headed to the refrigerator with the rest. He watched as Sam came back into the study sipping on his beer. He looked tired and it was clear that something was on his mind.

"I thought I might help."

"Yea, sure." He handed Sam a book from his desk. "Hope you feel like wading through a Latin manuscript."

"S'ok." Sam nodded and settled on the sofa with the large book balanced on his lap.

"Where's Alta?" Bobby asked. He watched as Sam searched for words that wouldn't reveal they had a fight and he wondered if she was alright.

"She's at home. I just need to get out for a little."

"Uh-uh." Bobby obviously didn't buy it but he didn't press the issue. If Sam wanted to talk about it he would, otherwise it wouldn't do any good to push. "Well, happy reading." He buried himself in an ancient Greek manuscript.

**… … …**

Alta headed east on I90. She loaded a Shinedown CD and cranked up the volume. It was the best she could do… eat some miles… think… let her mind wander... Sam didn't hit her. But he wanted to. She had forgiven him when he'd practically raped her. She knew that was his tormented soul. And he'd been so sorry afterward… he was ashamed… he promised… And she knew she was making excuses for him… rationalizing. And she knew that's exactly what she'd done with Christian all those years ago. She'd sworn to herself she never allow a man… _any _man to treat her that way again. But that wasn't Sam… sometimes it was him… that tortured soul was part of him… part of who he was… she saw it in his eyes… he wanted to hurt her… and it wasn't the first time… But… she loved him… and she knew he loved her… Her mind ran round in circles… repeating itself… contradicting itself… over and over. She beat her hands against the steering wheel and tears began to cloud her vision. She was an hour out from Sioux Falls in Worthington, Minnesota when she pulled off the interstate.

**… … …**

Sam left Bobby's after a couple of hours. The research had been mind-numbing, translating ancient Latin texts and searching for clues. Sam usually found research fascinating but his heart wasn't in it. His heart and his mind were on Alta. He was tired. He wasn't eating well. He wasn't sleeping. It had been this way for a couple of weeks. When he did give up and try to sleep, he always slipped back into Hell and the worse thing was that the dreams weren't just memories. Lucifer was still in his mind… he still tortured his soul. Sam didn't just remember the pain… he felt it. He knew it was real. There was no outward evidence, no scars… but his joints ached and he felt the stinging pain of the whip, the claws and the razor sharp tongue of Lucifer. He couldn't get the smell of sulfur and Hell fire out of his nostrils. And now finally he'd remembered what happened to Adam and the silent scream… the dead staring… eyes… the stench of rotting flesh followed him everywhere. How could he forgive himself… how could he forget? Worst of all, Lucifer threatened Alta in almost every dream. How could he tell her that?

Sam entered an empty house. He'd hoped that Alta would cool off and be home when he came in but she wasn't there. _She's run away… again._ _What the Hell?_ He couldn't quite put his finger on what had made her run. She'd seen him angry before… He'd promised he'd never hurt her and he didn't… She had to know how much he loved her… She knew his nerves were on razor's edge… He was sleep deprived and plagued with night terrors… Why would she leave him now… of all times? … When he needed her most? Sam paced the living room with all these thoughts running through his mind.

**… … …**

Alta racked up the balls and watched her opponent break. _Good break_. He pocketed three balls. _Either luck or I have a very worthy opponent._ When he missed he didn't leave her with any easy shots. But she was good. Pool was her forte and she could make difficult shots. Her opponent watched. His tall thin frame standing like a statue; his long graceful fingers laced the end of his cue. He looked as if he'd stepped out of the old west. He had long brown hair tied back in a ponytail with a leather strip. His long sideburns curled in front of his ears and she could barely see his mouth for the heavy mustache. He was silent for the most part, generally indicating his moves with the motions of his hands. She'd been hustling pool so long she didn't think it was possible but he made her a little nervous. She had no idea she was playing pool with a higher being.

When Alta managed to pocket the last ball, he nodded and his mustache pulled back at the corners of his mouth so that she thought he smiled at her. As she reached to the table to pick up her winnings, he laid his hand on hers. "I believe I owe you a drink." His eyes were deep blue, almost hypnotic as he gazed at her. "Join me…" He nodded toward a table in a corner of the room. "… and my companions." She glanced toward his companions, a pale skinned light haired man with sunglasses covering his eyes; apparently an Albino. The woman she recognized. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes, long elegant fingers adorned with rings… she was the one with Dean. She had rescued Alta and Sam from Christian. _the other two must be Forcus and Zagzagel. _Forcus smiled at her and nodded as if he could read her thoughts.

**… … …**

Sam toyed with the idea of hunting Alta. He could probably find her. But he didn't know if it would make a difference. He couldn't force her to stay with him. He pulled a beer out of the refrigerator and twisted off the cap. _God, I'm so tired._ He walked into the living room taking a long pull on his beer. He glanced around the room… the sparse furnishings… this place was cold and dark… he never thought about it that way before. Sam's eyes fell on the paintings they brought from the first apartment where they lived together; the familiar sight of dark water and large trees with long low hanging limbs reaching out over the water. He insisted they bring them… they made this place like home… _How can she just leave? … What am I supposed to do? … _Sam's face twisted in anger and he threw his beer bottle at one of the painting. _Damn it!_ Beer spewed out of the bottle, spattering the wall, the painting and shattering the glass; sending shards flying back at him.

**… … …**

"Alta." Tabbris gazed at Alta with her dark piercing eyes. They were haunting, but not frightening. Her head was tilted to one side. She looked at Alta with a quizzical look as if she couldn't quite figure out what she was. Slowly her head straightened and she smiled. It was a warm, knowing smile.

"Tabbris." Alta returned the greeting. "Thank you for rescuing me and Sam." Alta felt humble suddenly aware she was in the company of Angels… very powerful ones.

"Sam needs you. And the world needs both of you and your family."

"The Campbell's?" Alta was stunned and curious.

"The Winchester's." Forcus corrected. "And the Campbell's as well. For that we need you. The two families will be formidable if they unite."

"We have decided to enter into the fight on behalf of humankind." Tabbris reached a long graceful arm across the table and clasped Alta's hand into hers. "Don't be afraid to go back to Sam. He will not hurt you."

Alta didn't answer. She wasn't sure she was going to let an Angel… any Angel tell her what to do.

**… … …**

It was late when Sam finally went to bed. He was still brooding over Alta… had been hoping she would come home. But he finally gave up and slid between the sheets. He rolled onto his stomach and bunched her pillow up around his face breathing in the scent of her.

**… … …**

Alta checked into the Bluebell Inn, a barebones motel in Worthington. She showered and slid into the bed thinking about all that the Angels had said. Tabbris had said she should go back to Sam… His words echoed in her mind… _So if you're not with me… if you leave me… you won't have to see it… But I'll still have to go through it and if you're not there to help…_

**… … …**

They met by the bank of a wide dark river, standing side by side in a glade by the water. The grass between their toes was cool and green… soft and thick like a carpet. Large trees sent long low lying branches out over the water. The smell of the forest was all around them, fresh and green and full of life. The air was soft with a slight chill as it caressed their skin.

She shivered. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him warming her with his body. Hazel eyes looked deep into her green ones. His long graceful fingers laced through her hair and he breathed deep her scent. His hands captured her face and he lifted her lips to his, kissing her… long and slow… deep… he drank in her breath and she drew her life from his breath.

Her hands spread across his chest and he gazed down into gentle loving eyes and a soft smile. She calmed his soul. And as her hands splayed across his back she healed his wounds. He knelt and brought her down with him to lie side by side on the lush lawn. He propped up on one arm to look down on her as she gazed up at him. She felt his need and she opened, inviting him. She heard his deep sigh as he entered her… she shivered… he waited until she stilled and opened her eyes. They locked eyes and relished each other's pleasure as he slowly filled her. She was lost in his soft hazel eyes and the feel of him, hard and slowly… rhythmically moving her toward ecstasy. He was lost in her crystal green eyes and the feel of her, tight and hot embracing him. Her body was begging him to slide into her deeper… more… When she began to move to take more of him, her eyes flashed and she gripped his arms tight… pulling him into her… closer… She heard his deep moan of pleasure and felt him tremble inside her. His eyes watched her and he moved every way that pleased her and caused her breath to rush. He caught her scream in his mouth and his body shook as he pushed deeper into her, his hot seed shooting into her soul.

She ran her fingers lightly across his smiling lips. He held her close and they gazed at the tiny sparkles of sunlight through the thick canopy of the trees as sleep came to them both. And Tabbris smiled knowingly.

**… … …**

Alta woke with the smell of Sam all around her. How could a dream be that real? Her body was warm and she could still feel Sam's touch… his lips on hers… _God, that was amazing!_ She hurried through her morning shower, threw her clothes on and headed out to the Camaro. It was still dark with the first tentative bits of sunlight filtering into the last of night. _He needs me. I need him. Whatever… I'm going home._ She spun tires out of the parking lot of the motel and headed west toward Sioux Falls and Sam.

**… … …**

Sam woke with Alta's climactic scream still in his mouth and the last spasms of his own climax. He was spent… but there was nothing in the bed… nothing on him. No evidence of the gigantic orgasm that had just rocked his body. He'd had wet dreams before. _What the hell was this? A dry wet dream? Whatever, it was amazing!_ He jumped out of the bed. _I'm gonna find her today… if it kills me… I have to find her!_ And he heard the Camaro in the drive way. She ran up the steps… he ran out the door and they melted into each other. Two souls binding together… no matter what.

"I'll tell you everything… anything you want to know… I'll listen… anything you want to tell me." She heard his deep voice rumbling in his chest as he held her tightly against him. "Don't leave me…"

"I won't… I promise… I'll stay… I'll stay with you."

**… … …**

Dean looked at the number on his phone before answering. Not familiar. "Hello."

"Agent Young?" An unfamiliar voice questioned.

"Yes."

"This is Maggie Neil. You came to my house in Carthage."

"I remember you Miss Neil." Dean remembered the woman very well. She had given him the colt.

"It's about that piece of ground. I told it was evil. There's people… or something out there. I see them coming and going… every night. And it's getting worse. Something's happening… or going to happen. I'm afraid if this town goes through another massacre like the last one… there'll be no town left."

"Maggie, I want you to get as much salt as you can and surround your house with it. Don't leave any breaks… a solid line of salt all the way around."

"Boy, you ain't the only person who knows things. I got salt."

Dean held the phone out and giving it a quizzical look, he thought, _Who is this woman?_ "Good, salt all your doors and windows too."

"I'll do it."

"Good. If I get some folks together, can we meet at your house?"

"Yea. I'll be here. Just come soon."

"No. You just salt the house and get the hell out of there." Dean's voice was deep as he barked the order to her.

"You just come on… and hurry. I can take care of myself." The line went dead and Dean hoped she'd hung up… not any of number of the bad things he could imagine.

**… … …**

Sam and Alta were totally lost in each other, still standing on the porch each unwilling to break their kiss or to end their embrace. When Alta's phone rang they both groaned as they were forced back to reality. Alta looked down at her phone. It was Mark.

"Mark." She answered. "I'm putting you on speaker."

"Alta. Listen… we've been tracking an overwhelming boatload of demon sign just outside Carthage Missouri and we're going out to investigate. We could use you and Sam on this one. It's big… really big… 'all hands on deck' big."

Sam's phone rang. "Dean."

"Meet me at Bobby's. Something big is going on in Carthage. I'm real sure it's our kinda thing… might be Crowley making a move."

"We're on our way."

Sam and Alta quickly packed the Charger and headed to Bobby's.

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoy. Please review. I love to know what you think… what you like… or don't like…  
>Thanks for everyone who reviews, follows, favorites and alerts my story. <strong>_


	40. Chapter 40

Family Secrets: Part two – chapter 20

…

_**I am the shadow, and the smoke in your eyes.**_

_**I am the ghost that hides in the night.**_

_**Boom-lay boom-lay, boom!**_

_**Wait! Wait a minute take a step back,**_

_**Gotta think twice before you react.**_

_**So stay! Stay a little while **_

_**Cause a promise not kept is the road to exile.**_

_**Hey, what's the circumstance?**_

_**You'll never be great without taking a chance.**_

_**So wait! You waited too long.**_

_**Had your hand in your pocket**_

_**When you should've been gone.**_

_**One push is all you need.**_

_**A fist-first philosophy.**_

_**We watch with wounded eyes.**_

_**So I hope you recognize**_

_**Out on the front line; don't worry I'll be fine.**_

_**The story is just beginning.**_

_**Boom-lay boom-lay, boom!**_

_**I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regrets**_

_**And now I see the world through diamond eyes.**_

_**Damn, damn it all down.**_

_**Took one to the chest without even a sound.**_

_**So what? What do you want;**_

_**The things you love or the people you hurt?**_

_**Hey, it's like déjà vu; suicidal maniac with nothing to lose.**_

_**So wait! It's the exception to the rule.**_

_**Every one of us is expendable.**_

_**One push is all you need.**_

_**Fist-first philosophy.**_

_**We watch with wounded eyes.**_

_**So I hope you recognize.**_

_**Out on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine.**_

_**The story is just beginning.**_

_**I say goodbye to my weakness,**_

_**So long to the regrets**_

_**And now I know that I'm alive.**_

_**Every night of my life I watch angels fall from the sky.**_

_**Every time that the sun still sets**_

_**I pray they don't take mine.**_

_**I'm on the front line, don't worry I'll be fine.**_

_**The story is just beginning.**_

_**I say goodbye to my weakness, so long to the regrets**_

_**And now I see the world through diamond eyes.**_

_**Boom-lay boom-lay, boom!**_

…

_Diamond Eyes – Shinedown_

… … …

_In the early times, before earth, before humans, they were there. They were with God. God's first creations, his companions, his messengers were with him even before the Heavenly Host. His most beloved was Lucifer... Day Star... Son of the Dawn. And his name was sweet on her lips. Tabbris… Daughter of the Night… Like Lucifer she was one of the first creations of God and she loved Son of the Dawn. He was strong, stronger than all of the others and beautiful. His eyes were deep blue and his hair a golden mane. He ruled with God over the seventh heaven._

_Lucifer loved Tabbris… Daughter of the Night, her beautiful dark eyes were soft and they captivated him. His love for her was strong and blessed by God. He watched them as they laughed and circled each other in long spirals, dancing… soaring through all of Heaven; coming together clasping hands and then flying apart to circle each other again; her dark wings blending with his silver ones. All of Heaven knew the love they had for each other._

_It was Tabbris and Lucifer who created the glade by the dark river. It was their heaven. They would stand on the lush grass and watch the river and they would lie down there, in the cool evenings, wrapped in each other's arms. He loved to run his fingers through her dark hair and she loved the taste of his lips, the feel of his strong body. In the mornings, they would glide slowly under the long low lying branches in the small boat, gazing into each other's eyes; Tabbris… Daughter of the Night and Lucifer... Son of the Dawn. _

_Then came man. God made these delicate creatures weak, vulnerable and he gave them free will. They chose wrong with their free will, so that not all of them could come to heaven. Some were not worthy and they were exiled for life into the world of shadows. It was Lucifer, Son of the Dawn, who rose up against God. He said the humans did not love God and they sinned and blasphemed against God and against his creation. He determined to show God how evil these creatures were. He enticed them to betray God's love and he laid their sin before God. But God refused to see the humans as Lucifer did and Lucifer refused to see them as God did. _

_Tabbris begged him not to rise up against God. She begged him to stay with her in their heaven because she loved him. But he refused to listen. Michael rose up and led the Host of Heaven to cast Lucifer and his followers into the pit and Tabbris wept as Lucifer was thrown down into the world of shadows to be locked away forever as the ruler of that world. She wept when the world below became evil and it was apparent that the Son of the Dawn was no longer. Tabbris returned to the riverside and gazed at the small boat they had pulled out of the river to rest beside the giant tree waiting for their next journey. And she wept because they would never return to glide blissfully beneath the branches in the dark cool of the river. She would never again gaze into the deep blue eyes or feel the warm embrace of the Son of the Dawn. But she would forever remember._

_Lucifer did not remember. He'd become Satan, the accuser, the adversary. Testing and tempting humans to sin. Lucifer had become a twisted, evil, remnant with none of the Grace or beauty of his former self. His greatest desire was to become more powerful than God. He was so consumed by evil and hatred that he'd forgotten his love for God and he'd forgotten his love for Tabbris._

_**... ... ...**_

"Come on in." Bobby called from the study when Sam and Alta reached his front door. "I was just gonna call you. Dean's on his way."

"Yea, he called me too. It's fixin' to break."

"Looks like." Bobby replied to Sam and nodded to Alta. "Glad you're both here. We're gonna need all the fire power we can get."

Dean came through the front with Ben right behind him. "I got a call from Maggie Neil." Sam gave a quizzical look. "The woman in Carthage who gave me the colt." Sam nodded.

"The Campbell's have seen it too." Alta added. "Mark called this morning. They're heading to Carthage and want our help."

"Good." Sam heaved a heavy sigh. "We'll need everybody…" Alta saw the worry on his face. The last time he was in Carthage wasn't good… He was stricken by Hell memories. He was hardly able to function.

"We're gonna meet and set up the plan at Maggie's house." Dean said. "Can you get the Campbell's to join us there?" His eyes were on Alta.

"Yea, we'll make it happen." Alta replied. "They're already on their way, but it's about a 12 drive for them. So it'll be about…" she glanced at her watch. "…10ish tonight before they get there."

"Well it's about 9 hours for us, so we need to get our ducks in a row and get on the road." Bobby started packing up the reference material he thought he might need. "Is Cas gonna join us on this?"

"Yes… I guess… I hope." Dean answered. "I'll put out a call to him." Dean turned toward Sam. "Bobby can ride with me and you and Alta follow."

"Hey!" His 13 year old voice cracked and his disappointment was clear. "What about me."

Dean quickly turned to face Ben. "No." His answer was quick and blunt. Ben's face fell.

Sam cleared his throat and Dean looked at Sam. He knew the look that was coming… _Nice going, Dick!_

Dean's returning look was the one Sam hoped he would get. Eyes heavenward and a slight sigh. _I know… chick flick moment._

Both Dean and Sam went to stand on either side of Ben. Dean sat on the edge of the desk and Sam knelt down. "You're not ready for something like this Ben." Dean's voice was soft. "I'm sorry but it's just a fact."

"Somebody's got to stay here and protect Lisa." Sam put a calming hand on his nephew's shoulder. "I know it's hard to stay behind. I had to do it when I was young too."

"We need you here to keep up with the research. We can't do it all from the car… and Sam's right. Your Mom's pretty good at self-defense but if something goes down while we're away I'll feel better if I know you're here to keep her safe."

Alta watched as the three Winchester men huddled together; the brothers gently guiding the young son… giving him responsibility… teaching… the next generation. Something deep inside her stirred. She turned and headed out to the car, not quite sure why she couldn't watch any more.

**… … …**

They spent the morning listening to music while Alta searched for info on the I-Pad and she and Bobby and Mark texted each other with updates. Sam was strangely silent.

"Sam, I'm starving." Alta finally admitted about one o'clock. "We can stop at the next town and grab a quick bite. You must be hungry too." She glanced at him. "You didn't eat breakfast either. In fact, when was the last time you ate?"

"I don't know… sometime… yesterday… maybe."

"God, Sam. How do you stay so muscular when you have to be reminded to eat?"

"Don't know." He smiled. "But right now I am pretty hungry. Find out what choices we have up ahead and we'll all pit stop together."

"Right, Burgers for Dean. You want something with veggies?"

Sam nodded. Alta searched on the I-Pad. "There's a Biggerson's five miles ahead. I'll message Bobby."

Lunch was a time to catch everyone up on the new omens appearing around Carthage. "I haven't seen anything this big since the Apocalypse." Bobby turned the computer screen so everyone could see. "Look at this strange weather pattern."

"Mark's been tracking the same thing." Alta said. "It seems to center around Maggie's farm."

"Lucifer brought Death up from that fracture in the earth." Sam was pushing the last bits of his Cob Salad around with his fork. "It's a pretty fair bet it's become a new doorway to Hell." His voice was deep and quiet; his eyes narrow and dark. "We need to figure out how to close it. This one doesn't have a door we can shut like the last Doorway to Hell we ran across."

"I don't know…" Bobby reached under his hat and scratched at his head. "…blast it closed?"

Dean sighed. "I have a feeling it won't be that easy getting to it. If it's a doorway for demons to pass in and out of Hell, you can bet it's well guarded."

Sam tossed his fork onto his plate and stood. "We need to get back on the road." He threw money on the table to cover the meal and headed for the door, leaving the other hunters staring after him.

When Alta reached the car Sam was waiting, holding the passenger's side door open for her. She watched him as he walked around the car to the driver's side. Alta knew this Sam very well. It was the Sam who first attracted her. He was focused… of singular mind… the hunt. But she knew he was not the same man. The memories were still there and Carthage was a dangerous place for him.

"Are you going to be alright?" Her eyes were soft, concerned. "Sam, if you're not able to go…"

"Alta. I know what happened last time but I can handle it."

"You can barely handle your dreams, Sam." Alta was worried; not convinced.

"That's just it. It comes in my dreams… when I'm… not in control… I'm helpless." Sam was talking and thinking at the same time. He hadn't figured all this out yet, but it was coming to him. "It doesn't happen when I'm awake and I can control my thoughts. I think that's the key… That's how I can manage." He was trying to convince himself and Alta at the same time and she knew it. She could see it in his face. She didn't respond; didn't know what to say. Dead silence hung between them. Finally he glanced at her. "I can do this. I have to. It's 'all hands on deck' for this." Sam glanced at her again. He needed her, of all people to understand. "This is what my whole life is about."

"I got your back…" she paused. "…and there's nobody I'd rather fight with. I know you got my back too."

"Yea." Sam smiled. She always came through for him. He didn't deserve her, but she was his. "You should try to get some sleep. We've got a long ways yet to go." He glanced her way.

"I could drive and you catch a nap." Alta volunteered. "You haven't been sleeping well in… what... weeks?"

"Actually I slept better last night than I can remember." Sam smiled to himself.

"No dreams?"

"Oh, I dreamed." He sneaked a quick peek at her. "I dreamed about you."

Alta turned to face him. "I dreamed about you too." She smiled and thought about the beautiful dream. "Tell me about your dream and I'll tell you mine."

Sam huffed and gave her a sideways glance. "It was very… romantic. And it felt very real. We were on a grassy lawn… very green and lush… near a river."

Alta swallowed hard. "A wide, dark river… with big trees."

"Yea, these long limbs hanging out low over the water… like…" Sam hesitated.

"Like the paintings." Alta finished his thought. "I had the same dream… did you… did we?"

"Oh, did we ever!" Sam remembered how real the dream had been. "It was very… intense."

Alta reached over and laid a hand on his thigh. "How could we have the same dream?" Her voice was quiet, pensive.

**… … …**

Crowley surveyed his army. He tried to make a deal with every hunter who had been condemned to Hell. He was successful more often than most hunters would like to admit but the fires of Hell burned hot and the demons, especially Crowley were expert in the art of torture. Few souls could withstand it when given an option to be freed... even if they became the very thing they had hunted in life.

"It won't be long before those flannel wearing, pains in my ass catch on and try to close my door." Crowley spoke to Christian Campbell and Steve Wendell. They, along with Walt and Roy had been funneling demons through the doorway in groups of one or two for weeks now. He knew the Winchesters were aware of the spot. And he knew it was just a matter of time before they came to fix it. So he had prepared to defend his doorway.

… … …

Tabbris and Zagzagel waited for Forcus to join them. Tabbris had 'Heaven's Cloud' in its scabbard, tucked away under her robe. Her dark eyes were closed and her head bowed, waiting for her time to come. Time she had long for and dreaded for millennia. Zagzagel watched her, his pale visage seemed to glow brightly. His pale blue eyes swirled; his glistening silver wings ached to be unfurled. At his side was a long slender silver sword, 'Heaven's Light'. Its power was second only to 'Heaven's Cloud'. With 'Heaven's Light' Zagzagel had once protected the gates of Eden. No human, alive or dead, no demon or Angel was immune to its power.

"Forcas will come." Zagzagel reassured Tabbris. Her head remained bowed, her eyes closed. She denied him the sight of her beautiful, soft, dark eyes.

**… … …**

Sam and Alta had left the clan, Christian and Gwyn were dead and Samuel had been sent back to Hell with Crowley. Still the Campbell's were a tough bunch. They'd suffered losses before and all of them had been raised into the family business... Hunting. Mark Campbell was possibly the best hunter in the Campbell clan. And he led a caravan of five vehicles; twenty Campbell's to Maggie Neil's farmhouse. It was time to kill some demons and all of them were itching for the fight. Besides Mark, there was Sophia, Myrna, Claire, Aidan, Donny, Colin, Irna and others.

When they arrived it was like a family reunion for Alta. She had not seen any of the family since she and Sam left after the battle at the warehouse and the loss of so many of their clan. She was overwhelmed with the sudden sense of family as she embraced and talked with her kin. They all were glad to see her and Sam but Sam seemed to separate himself from them. Alta wondered that he seemed so distant. So cold; unemotional. But to the clan he was the same Sam they had known before… cold and aloof.

"It's a certainty that it's a Gateway to Hell. Spirits and demons come up from the depths at will. What we need is to figure out how to close the 'gate'." Sam's voice was deep and calm as he presented the problem to the gathered group of hunters. "It's not actually a gate, that's only a figure of speech. The last time we stumbled on a Doorway to Hell…" He motioned to Dean, Bobby and himself. "… it was just that, a door... and we closed it. This is different. It's a gaping hole... a wound in the earth."

"I'd say at least fifty, probably a lot more of these spirits... or demons... whatever you call them... have already come through and moved on to parts unknown." Maggie shook her head. "They're evil. I can feel it in my bones."

"You're right about that." Dean gave Bobby a weary look. "And we're here to help."

"Maybe we could blast around it and close it up." Mark volunteered. "We got plenty of fire power."

"I don't see how." Sam's voice was flat, his face solemn. "It was opened by Lucifer with spell work when he freed Death. It's gonna take spell work to close it."

"What about your Angel friends?" Bobby asked with just a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Angels." Maggie muttered under her breath.

"I'm not sure 'friends' is the right word for them." Sam glanced at Dean "I'm pretty sure they have their own agenda."

"Yea especially that Forcus dude." Dean still didn't trust Angels any more than he had to. "I'm thinking he's a double agent."

"Well, he does appear as a demon in some lore." Bobby agreed

"At any rate we need to find a spell... or something to close this gateway." Sam reined the conversation back to point. "What about Cas? Maybe he could help."

"Castiel cannot help you." they all turned toward the new voice in the room and found Balthazar standing by the door. "The reversal spell you seek requires a sacrifice."

"Don't tell me… a virgin, right. Well, no... Not going there. We don't do sacrifices!" Dean huffed, squaring off at Balthazar. "What is it with you Angels and demons? We're trying to save people… not barbeque them."

"Sorry, but these spells are old school. What can I say? Life was cheap... always someone around you didn't mind offing." Balthazar shrugged. "Lucifer sacrificed several victims for his spell."

"Several?" Maggie's voice was low and bitter. "Nearly the whole town!"

Balthazar gave her a glance of dismissal. "So… we have to have at least one in the counter spell for it to work. Come on." Balthazar's voice was almost taunting. "There must be someone you wouldn't mind getting rid of."

"Balthazar." Castiel's voice rang with the power of the souls within him. "I will defeat Crowley… and these men..." he looked around the room, his eyes falling on Alta and the other women. "..._these hunters _will find a way to close this doorway." The air around Castiel crackled and hummed with power. His fists were clenched at his side and he was slowly opening and closing them as he spoke. The hunters all stared at him but Castiel's stare was fixed on Balthazar.

"Cas?" Dean questioned.

"Castiel, my brother. What have you done to yourself?" Balthazar was horrified.

"I have done what I needed to do." Castiel continued to glare at his brother. "Crowley has to be stopped." His eyes were accusing and they pierced through Balthazar's heart. "You refused to help. This was my only alternative. I'll ask one last time. Gather the troops and help us with this assault."

There was the familiar sound of Angel's wing and Balthazar was gone.

"Well?" Dean looked to Castiel. "What does that mean? Is he gonna help?"

"I do not know but I think we cannot afford to assume that he will."

**… … …**

Tabbris raised her head. Her dark, sad eyes looked deep into the blue swirling eyes of Zagzagel. He nodded. "It is time." she said. "Forcus has not come."

He closed his eyes, unable to look at the pain of betrayal on her face. "The battle has begun."

**… … …**

It was the darkest part of the night… midnight… when the hunters began to surround the field. They remained in the woods that bordered the field and they silently watched and waited. A small cold moon shown very little light on the field but the red earth around the wounded ground seemed to give off an unholy glow. Two dark figures crawled up out of the doorway and glanced around before heading toward the forest.

"Stay near me." Sam leaned close and whispered into Alta's ear. A look passed between them. _You ready for this?_

_Ready! I got your back._

Sam turned to Dean on his other side. A look passed between them. _Now?_

"Let's roll." Dean's voice was soft but audible to those close to them. He stepped out onto the field, colt holstered at his left side, pistol at his right and machete in hand. Sam was beside him, Ruby's knife at his left side, pistol at his right and machete in hand. Alta and Bobby were armed with pistols and machetes as well as salt and holy water. All the hunters stepped out onto the field similarly armed.

Once they spotted the hunters one of the two demons ran back toward the crevice. But they were just target practice for Dean and he drew the Colt making a direct hit first to one and then the other. The sound echoed across the field and a moment later dark figures… demons… poured out of the earth rushing toward the hunters on the field of battle like ants pouring out of an ant hill. Dean looked to Bobby, his eyes rolled. "Yahtzee!" Then he grinned.

"Well," Bobby swallowed hard. "Let's do this!" The hunters advanced toward the demon hoard. It was ugly fighting. Dean had the only firearm that could kill and he had to use it carefully because it was old and needed to be reloaded every six rounds. So for the most part beheading with the machetes was the way to kill the demons. It was strenuous and messy.

Sam moved forward toward a rather large hulk of a demon and Alta stayed close behind him. Before he could get in close enough to use his machete, the demon raised a hand and slammed Sam down pinning him to the ground. Sam struggled against the demon's force, clutching at his neck. His face became bright red as he gasped helplessly for air. Alta ducked around behind Dean and Bobby who were in battle with another demon. She came up behind the hulk and swung two handed with all her might at the demons neck. She didn't have enough strength to hack through the heavily muscled neck but it was enough to disable it and release Sam. He came to his feet quickly and a mighty swing of his machete finished the job Alta started.

Sam turned form the demon he'd just dropped into the face of Steve Wendell. He recognized Steve. When Meg possessed Sam she had caused Sam to kill him… murderer him in cold blood. Sam carried the guilt of that murder for years. But now he was focused on the battle at hand. His eyes narrowed, dark and hard. He didn't have time for guilt. He couldn't change the past so he clenched his jaw, swung his machete and killed Steve again.

Alta had engaged another demon and Sam quickly stepped over the body of Steve Wendell to catch a second demon advancing on her while she hacked at the neck of the first one. Both demons went down and Sam and Alta continued to work together to hack their way through the hoard.

Dean gritted his teeth and used all his strength to hack at the demon in front of him, quickly dispatching it and turning to another that was coming up on Bobby's back as he hacked off the hand of a demon before it could pin him. And Bobby and Dean worked their way together through the demons.

Sophia, like Alta was small in stature and brute force was not her best asset but she quickly learned that hacking off hands, taking out knees or gutting served to wound and slow them enough for Mark or Donny to come behind her and behead the struggling demons. So she led the threesome through the demons until she was not quick enough to catch both a demon in front of her and a second one coming from the side. But Donny was quick to catch the second one and Sophia escaped intact.

Crowley stood at the edge of the gateway and surveyed the battle. He spotted Sam rather easily and he sent his Hell Hound to kill him. The hound ran through the battle weaving in and out of the skirmishes on the field; focused on its prey… Sam. Before the hound could reach Sam Zagzagel flew over the field coming to hover over Sam. Suddenly Sam was no longer visible to the hound but Zagzagel could see it clearly, his blue eyes became like a blue fire and he drew 'Heaven's Light' swinging it in a long arc he cut the Hell Hound in two. Crowley heard the howl of his hound and though he couldn't see it he knew it was a cry of death. He snarled. His lip curled in anger. He fisted both hands and flew toward the place he knew Sam to be. Castiel met Crowley in midair. Crowley could hear the air crackle around him and he knew that Castiel was stronger than the last time they met in battle. He turned to fly back toward the crevice but Castiel was quick to fly around and meet Crowley face to face. They both knew this battle would not end until one of them was dead.

Sam and Alta moved under the protection of Zagzagel deeper into the battle hacking and slicing their way through the demons unseen. They no longer need to work so closely together and as they fought their way through they drifted further and further apart. Suddenly Alta had gone too far and she was once again visible. Sam didn't realize until he looked toward the crevice and saw her silhouetted against the glowing of the red earth. She was fighting a demon twice her size. _I love to watch you fight. Lisa's graceful… I'm competent. _The thoughts ran instantly through Sam's mind. _She's graceful… beautiful._ She ducked the demon as he swung to backhand her. She quickly came up with s slash across the belly of the demon causing it to slump forward clutching its wound. She came down with a two handed chop across the back of its neck. And then he realized… _She's too close!_ "Alta." Sam called to her. She couldn't hear him over the noise of the battle. _No… she's too close… too close to the edge._

Sam watched as a demon crept up behind Alta. It was Meg and she grabbed Alta, wrapping her in a tight hold, one arm around her neck and the other around her waist. _What is she doing?_ As Sam wondered, he saw the golden wings of Forcus. _Thank God._ Relief swept through Sam. He thought that Forcus would save her, would kill Meg and release Alta. But his relief was short lived as he saw Forcus grab them both and dive into the crevice. "Noooo…" Sam cried. Zagzagel saw what Sam had witnessed and as Sam moved toward the crevice he wielded 'Heaven's Light' striking down the demons, clearing a path for Sam.

Dean looked up in time to see Sam as he stood on the edge of the crevice. "Sam." He screamed but like Alta, he couldn't hear Dean above the fray. _No, no, no… Don't! Sammy… don't…_ His brother stood at the edge of the pit and Dean knew what he would do. Dean knew he would have to watch again. "Sam!" Suddenly a demon appeared between him and Sam, blocking his view. Dean's eyes narrowed and his jaw twitched as he gritted his teeth leveling the colt to fire directly between the demon's eyes.

Sam stood at the edge of the crevice and saw the golden wings of Forcus fold to his side as he dived faster and faster into the abyss. Sam knew what was at the bottom of this open wound. Hell and Lucifer… All the pain and misery… all the memories came flooding back into his mind… He had to get her back. He had to save her. He couldn't let her suffer that… _not Alta… not that Hell_. Sam jumped into the abyss after Forcus… he jumped for Alta.

Sam fell through the air. The smell of sulfurous Hell Fire was in his nostrils… the memory of years of torture and the awful visage of Lucifer played across his mind. He had no idea how he would survive this jump into the abyss. And if he survived the fall, he had no idea how he could possibly get Alta out of this place.

The hunters fought demons beneath the blinding flashes of raw power as Crowley and Castiel battled above them; each warding off the other's attacks. Crowley was fast and he was cunning. Castiel began to anticipate his dodging and weaving and made a hit leaving a bloody, sparking wound on Crowley's leg. It served to weaken him but it also made him move faster and he began to wear down Castiel. Both were expending more and more power trying to overcome each other. To the hunters below them it seemed like bright flashes of lightening. Occasionally a stray bolt would hit below and a cry of death would ring out across the battlefield.

Sam was in free fall, gaining speed as he fell further and further into the pit until he felt the pain of his body jerk to a halt. A strong pair of hands grabbed him. It was Tabbris. She had dived into the crevice after him and now she pulled him tightly against her as she dived with him deeper and deeper into the darkness. She unfurled her dark wings and began to flap, breaking their fall as they neared the bottom. Sam saw the broad expanse of Hell… the crying souls of the damned below them. They begged and cried as the blessed wind of Tabbris's wings flowed over them giving them a sense of hope. Sam swallowed hard watching demons among them curse and claw at the souls… ripping them apart and snarling up at the Angel and the man she held safely in her arms. Sam remembered. He knew their pain intimately. Tabbris easily dodged the stones and spears they hurled at her along with the curses. "Look ahead." She told him.

Sam saw them in the distance; the golden wings of Forcus as he flew toward Lucifer's cage with his prize, Alta and his lover, Meg. Together they would bring Lucifer Sam's lover to torture and Sam would follow. Lucifer would be generous to the ones who brought back his favorite soul to torture… Sam Winchester. And a new way to torture him… Alta Campbell.

Sam steeled himself as they approached the cage… the place of a hundred years of torture… the place where his soul was ripped and torn… where he was forced to endure more than any soul should have to bear… His jaw worked as he gritted his teeth. _You can't have her. She's mine! I won't let her go through this… not with you…_ He repeated it in his head like a mantra over and over. _You can't have her. She's mine!_

Alta struggled against Meg's hold. She figured she'd rather die free falling than to face whatever Meg and Forcus had in store for her. As the floor of Hell came into view and she heard the crying and begging of the souls below… the snarling and hideous laugher of their demon tormentors. Suddenly she was not so sure she wanted to fall free here.

In the distance she could see the cage, a giant structure, with two massive Angels fighting inside. Samael's glowing white wings stood out against the charred black wings of Lucifer. Their battle had raged for months, but to immortals such as these it was only moments. Samael was beautiful, his dark hair flowing around him and his bright white wings flapping as he dived at Lucifer showering him with bolts of lightning and dodged the bolts Lucifer flung at him. Lucifer was dark from the millennia of smoke and heat in the midst of Hell Fire. Alta trembled at the sight of so much power and so much evil. Evil hit them with every beat of Lucifer's wings. It flowed over her like hot lava, burning and searing to the depths of her soul. Forcus hovered next to the cage, dropped Meg and Alta and joined Lucifer in his battle against Samael; both Angels showering bolts of lightning at him.

Alta looked at the cage and began to realize the awful pain Sam had suffered. She could imagine how he had been strapped to the bars of this place. She looked at the dreadful face of Lucifer and could imagine his wrath… his claws tearing… his pleasure in whipping… And she heard Lucifer's voice in her mind. _Yes… and so much more than you can imagine_. Her mind's eye saw him face to face; an evil, hideous face… laughing. His vicious teeth were like daggers and the foul odor of his breath made her wretch. _But I'll show you when Sam gets here. You will see._ Alta's eyes screwed shut, as if she could block out the vision. And she wept, not from fear but for Sam's pain and that she might be the reason he would return to this place… to this evil being… _Oh God. Please Sam… don't come here again._

But it was too late. Sam had arrived; carried to this awful place by Tabbris. As she reached the cage she raised 'Heaven's Cloud' and wielding it with both hands she sliced through Forcus. The blinding light of his power and what little Grace he had left flamed out of his body and the golden feathers of his wings scattered on the hot winds of Hell Fire. Tabbris dropped Sam near Meg, still holding Alta tightly.

Sam ran toward Alta and Meg released her to square off and meet Sam's attack. He had Ruby's knife in his right hand and his long legs carried him quickly to them. As Meg released Alta, Alta clung to Meg, holding her tight and keeping her from being able to ward off Sam's attack. He shoved the knife into Meg's gut. The demon sparked and sputtered and as she died, she fell onto the severed body of her lover, Forcus.

Tabbris raised 'Heaven's Cloud' and the bright light of it filled all of Hell causing every soul and demon within to pause and wonder. Lucifer saw her and as he gazed at her dark beauty he remembered. "Tabbris." Her name was sweet on his tongue. She was beautiful and he remembered holding her in the grass of their heaven… he remembered the feel of her soft beautiful hair as he ran his fingers through it… he remembered gazing into the soft dark eyes… he remembered her… She was still the same; just as beautiful as she was millennia ago.

"Son of the Dawn." She whispered his name. "What have you done?" She looked in pity at the charred and broken being that was Lucifer. His face twisted… his tongue hard and sharp, like a knife… his hands now claws… weapons… instruments of torture. She wept as she nodded to Samael. He delivered a fatal bolt to the stunned Lucifer and his lifeless body fell to the floor of the cage.

"Take them and fly!" Samael called to Tabbris. "Hurry! Fly!" Samael began to flap his wings, sending his power out across the floor of Hell. Tabbris grabbed up Sam and Alta and they clung tightly to each other. She flapped her dark wings easily dodging the arrows, spears and stones aimed at her by the demons below. Sam could feel the power of her wings as she beat against the steaming, sulfurous air of Hell taking them quickly up toward the surface … toward freedom.

Once Sam had jumped into the crevice, Zagzagel quickly moved to flank Crowley and help Castiel. Crowley was wounded, but he was desperate and the lightning bolts that he threw at Castiel held more power in his frantic attempts to win the battle. Castiel railed against the blows. Zagzagel flew up behind Crowley and raising 'Heaven's Light' he severed Crowley's head. The body of Crowley fell in pieces to the ground.

Samael lifted as his wings beat against the thick air of Hell. With each beat of his wings he sent out the power of his grace over his new kingdom and each beat of his wings brought that power closer to the surface; closer to the wound in the earth; closer to the gateway. Tabbris flew with all the power within her. She drew closer to the surface with the power of Samael's Grace on her heels. She flew out of the gateway just before Samael's powerful Grace reached it and slammed the gate shut. The crevice was no longer open. The only sign left was the raw red dirt sitting on the closed gateway like a scab on a wound.

Zagzagel, Castiel and the hunters had ended the demons that remained on the battlefield. Bobby and Dean ran toward what was left of the crevice where Sam and Alta stood with Tabbris. All the hunters were covered with blood, sweat and red dirt but there was never a sweeter embrace than the ones this small family had for each other.

"Thank you." Alta stood before Tabbris. "This isn't the first time you've come between disaster and me. I'm grateful."

Tabbris smiled. "I have looked after you much longer than you know. You are a strong and resourceful woman."

Alta was stunned. "Are you...?"

"Guardian Angel?" Tabbris smiled her mysterious smile that always made her look as if she was hiding something… something not bad. "Let's just say I have an interest in you." She laid her hand gently on Alta cheek. "It's time now to recover from this battle before the next one comes." There was a rush of Angel's wings and she was gone along with Zagzagel and Castiel.

The hunters gathered and went across the field searching for survivors and gathering the bodies of the dead. Once again Alta walked through the carnage of a battle that left some of her kinfolk dead. Irna... They played together as children. She was a year younger than Alta. Donny... twenty two... a beautiful boy... Alta had helped to train him… Myra and Colin… they left behind two young children. The hunters gathered the demons and burned them in a heap on the ground... the scab that covered the wound caused by the Gateway to Hell.

"Maybe this will help to purify this evil place." Maggie stared into the flames. She'd never seen anything like this in her life and she prayed she never would again. "I pray those that got loose won't come back to this place."

The bodies of the hunters, Irna, Donny, Myra and Colin; they wrapped in linen, salted and burned them. Bobby, Dean stood with the clan and Sam stood behind Alta. The flickering orange glow of the fire played across their faces. Tears sparkled like diamonds. Alta leaned on Sam and he held her up. These were her kin. She known them all her life, played together… trained … and fought beside them. It was another tough blow for the family. Mark spoke words from the Bible as the bodies burned.

_**"To everything there is a season, **_

_**A time for every purpose under the sun. **_

_**A time to be born and a time to die;**_

_**A time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;**_

_**A time to kill and a time to heal ... **_

_**A time to weep and a time to laugh; **_

_**A time to mourn and a time to dance ..."**_

_Ecclesiastes 3:1-4_

_**TBC  
>one more chapter… I think...<strong>_

_**Please comment or review. I love to know what you think. Many thanks to all who comment and those who alert and favorite my story.**_


	41. Chapter 41

**Family Secrets:** Part three – Chapter 1 – _**Old Haunts - New Beginnings**_

_**You're my world **_

_**The shelter from the rain **_

_**You're the pills **_

_**That take away my pain **_

_**You're the light **_

_**That helps me find my way **_

_**You're the words **_

_**When I have nothing to say **_

…

_**And in this world **_

_**Where nothing else is true **_

_**Here I am **_

_**Still tangled up in you **_

_**I'm still tangled up in you **_

…

_**You're the fire **_

_**That warms me when I'm cold **_

_**You're the hand **_

_**I have to hold as I grow old **_

_**You're the shore **_

_**When I am lost at sea **_

_**You're the only thing **_

_**That I like about me **_

…

_**And in this world **_

_**Where nothing else is true **_

_**Here I am **_

_**Still tangled up in you **_

_**I'm still tangled up in you **_

…

_**How long has it been **_

_**Since this storyline began? **_

_**And I hope it never ends **_

_**And goes like this forever **_

…

_**In this world **_

_**Where nothing else is true **_

_**Here I am **_

_**Still tangled up in you **_

_**I'm still tangled up in you **_

_Tangled up in You - Stained_

… … …

Sam drove them back to Sioux Falls in silence. Alta was shaken. She'd been dragged into Hell, a place he would have given his life for her not to know. He had refused to share the memories of Hell with her; wanted desperately to spare her that horror. But now she knew. She had seen the fires of Hell. The smell of sulfur and burning flesh were now memories for her too. The screams of pain from the damned souls and the growls and laughter of the demons who tortured them were in her memory. She'd seen the demons in their true form, not the familiar 'meat suits' that were just people. She'd seen Lucifer, the most frightening of all… she'd felt his hot breath smelled the putrid rotting flesh that poured out of him with each word he said in his hissing voice. Now she knew the place of Sam's darkest memories, his worst pain, everything he'd tried to spare her.

Forcus was dead… good riddance… and Crowley… hewn in two by Zagzagel. Meg was dead. Sam killed her. He could still feel the knife in his hand slicing through her meat suit into the demon within. He remembered the light of life fading from her eyes. It happened too quickly to gain any satisfaction from it. He was still so angry that she'd taken Alta into the pit… made her see all that Sam had tried to hide… He thought he'd like to bring Meg back just so he could kill her again. But he couldn't. He would just have to savor the memory and pray Alta would be able to live with what she'd seen.

The reunion with her clan was brief. Sam knew it was too short and too painful. She deserved better. He could see the longing in her eyes. She wanted to be back with her kin. Now was the time she needed them most. The clan had mourned together, sharing memories of those who died along with memories of better times. She had embraced Mark and told him how proud she was of him. Mark had stepped up to lead in the midst of devastating loss. And he was a good leader. She had teased him. _Who knew… shy, quiet Mark?_ He had given her the same shy smile everyone knew.

They wanted her to return with them, to come back to the clan. Mark asked Sam to return, to take his place and lead but Sam refused. He wanted to stay in Sioux Falls, to stay with his family. He wanted to stay with Dean and Bobby and to help train Ben. He knew he was being selfish but he didn't want to share her with the Campbell's. She was with them just a few short hours before she said her goodbyes and came home with him.

Sam glanced at her sleeping as he drove through the night. Her head leaned against the window… she was exhausted. She was beautiful. All of the visible filth of the battle was gone, washed away. But he knew that some things can never be washed away; things she would have never seen, never known but for him. He didn't deserve her… but she was his… and he would never give her up. Not to Meg or Forcus… not to Lucifer… not to the Campbell's… not even to Hell.

When they arrived at home it was late and they were both exhausted. She didn't wake until he came around to the passenger's side and opened the door for her. She looked up at the house and sighed. He took her hand and led her up the stairs and straight to bed. He brought her a bottle of water. "Hydrate…" he told her and he slipped into the bed, pulled her close, spooning her against him with her head tucked under his chin. He wrapped himself around her and held her close. She felt safe, like being wrapped in a warm blanket. The love he felt for her burned deep in his soul.

… … …

Dean drove the nine hours home with Bobby mostly silent with just the music from the cassettes filling in the time. He played the music low. He really want to crank up the volume and loose himself in the music but Bobby was dozing in the passenger's seat; his legs stretched under the dash as much as he could and his head cradled by the seatback and the window. He snored occasionally and Dean looked at the man who had been a father to him for longer than he wanted to admit. Even before his own father died, Bobby had been there for him and Sam more than once in their young lives.

Sam was wrapped up in Alta. Dean was glad for Sam… but he missed being close to his younger brother. All his life Dean was the one Sam came to when he needed something… when he was sick, or scared… when life was tough. It was Sam who rode home with him after a job and they debriefed. Often they debriefed in silence, neither of them had to speak, each of them knew what the other felt. He missed that. Now Sam drove home with Alta after a job. He saw Sam pretty much every day but Sam didn't need him… not like he used to. And Dean missed that.

He had Lisa and Ben. Lisa was a beautiful and independent woman. She loved Dean, he was sure of that and she'd saved him when he lost Sam. He showed up on her doorstep, broken. She took care of him, stood by him, and helped him recover. It took the patience of Job. Dean knew that. He was not the best of himself for a long time. She helped him find a better self… a self who could live a life in spite of losing Sam. He owed her everything. He owed her his life. And that was just it… he owed her… He envied Sam and Alta the depth of their love. They reeked of passion just by the way they looked at each other.

Dean's mind wandered to Ben… his son. He smiled to himself. He's a good kid. Lisa did a good job raising Ben… without him… … … That thought took the smile from his face. He missed so much because of who he was, a hunter. He never wanted to be a father, because of the life he led. He loved Ben and he thought about all the sacrifices he'd made just because he was a hunter and began to have second thoughts about raising Ben in the life. Maybe it was a mistake.

Dean took Bobby to his house and even though they'd had the nine hours to debrief on the way home, Dean lingered for another couple of hours sharing a few drinks and speculating on how many demons got out before the battle and were now roaming free and wreaking havoc across the country.

"Well, this is nice and all, Dean..." Bobby yawned. "But I'm tired. I don't think I got much more waking moments left and I'd rather be in my bed before I fall out unconscious." He eyed Dean. "Don't you have a family to go home to, son?"

"Yea." Dean lifted his glass and finished off the last bit of whisky. "Yea, I'd better be on my way before it gets too late."

"You do that." Bobby was already making his way upstairs to his bedroom. "If you come by here to work in the morning, don't wake me up. I don't plan to get out of bed before day after tomorrow." He called out over his shoulder. "Lock up on your way out."

"Ok Bobby. See you later." Dean headed for the Impala. Instead of going home, he went to the local bar for some drinks and a few hands of poker. It was nearly four in the morning when he made it home and then he made it only as far as the sofa in the living room before he collapsed and passed out.

… … …

Tabbris and Zagzagel stood before Michael and Balthazar. Tabbris's long red robe flowed about her in a graceful swirl and her black hair streamed around her shoulders in the gentle wind of Heaven. Zagzagel wore a long silver hooded robe that covered his pale face in shadow. But his ice blue eyes pierced through the shadows to fix Michael in their gaze. Castiel stood with them. His long white robe shined spotless with his snow white wings curled around him. He'd been given a powerful sword, 'Heaven's tears'. He was now aligned with Tabbris and Zagzagel. He was no longer part of the Heavenly Host. He was beyond and apart from his brothers and sisters.

"Castiel, my brother?" Balthazar felt the loss.

"No longer. I came to you for help and you refused." Castiel's face was hard as stone.

"You would satisfy yourself to be the pet of these two?" Balthazar risked a little mocking tone in his voice. Castiel did not answer.

"It is done." Tabbris spoke. "Lucifer is dead and Samael reigns over Hell." Her dark eyes penetrated the blue eyes of Balthazar. "Your work is done for you. Samael is the new Satan and in time he too will become corrupted."

Balthazar spoke carefully. "And the Winchesters are saved?"

"Yes. The next generation has begun." Tabbris's lips curled into a mocking smile.

"I wanted them dead." Michael seethed and stepped forward in a show of threat. Zagzagel stepped between Michael and Tabbris. Holding out his hand, he stopped Michael and held him.

"The world has need of the hunters. God created them for a reason and I will not let you wipe them out." Tabbris glared at the seething Michael and then at Balthazar. Balthazar was angry, but he would never be foolish enough to risk a frontal attack.

"Calm yourself Michael. There is nothing you can do to me." Zagzagel threw back his hood and raised his silver wings. His pale blue eyes swirled and the light that shown from them made Michael wince and cover his eyes. Zagzagel's wings flapped and the grace filled wind pushed back both of the lesser Angels. "We are the first of God's creations. You control the Heavenly Host. But I remind you that we are not part of the Heavenly Host. You do not have the power to control us."

"Go." Tabbris's eyes were soft but her words were sharp. "Play your power games as you will with those who are subject to your power."

… … …

Adrenalin from the fight still flowed through him. He could feel the excitement through every cell of his body, tingling like electricity. She waited for him by the river. The scent of her had never been so strong and the pull of her was like a magnet, drawing him closer. He felt as if he was a lone wolf on the hunt. All his senses focused on her… on finding her.

He quickly worked his way through the darkness of the woods, weaving through the ancient trees following the call of her body, the smell of her mingled with the dark green smell of the rich forest. Finally he stepped out into the glade by the river and saw her. He'd never seen her so beautiful. A long dark red robe flowed down her body moving softly around her in the gentle wind. He long auburn hair framed her pale face.

Her body burned for him. She felt her need for him low and deep in her soul. His hazel eyes were dark, so dark they appeared deep blue and he held her in his gaze as he walked to her. His naked body long and lean moved with such grace, just like the Son of the Dawn had once moved across this glade to his lover. The sight of him captivated her. He reached for her caressing her cheek; his long fingers splayed through her hair. She looked up into his face and he lowered his lips to cover hers, tasting the sweetness and feeling the smooth warmth of her. She ran her hands across his chest trailing across smooth skin drawn over taunt muscles; her fingers splayed through the fine dusting of hair tracing across his chest, her hands moved across his shoulders and down his arms.

She captured his hands and pulled them into her robe urging him to explore the soft warmth of her. She felt his low growl as his hands traced around her waist, opening her robe and pulling her body against him. He lowered his head to lick and bite just below her ear; tracing his way down to the tender pulse of her neck. She felt his hot breath. She swayed against him, swimming in his warmth and the primal music from their souls; his low growls; her soft purrs. He could not deny his desire for her and she could not deny him. Tabbris looked on the two souls tangled into each other and smiled.

… … …

Alta's eyes slowly focused on the room around her. It was still dark. She felt like she'd been drugged and Sam's deep breathing echoed next to her ear. He lay on his stomach like he usually did when he was in deep sleep. Suddenly his arm reached out circling her and pulling her close and as he rose up he continued pulling her under him. His eyes were still closed, his hair tousled; he ducked his head and breathed in the scent of her. He moved one leg wedging it between her legs and forcing her open. "Mmmm" His soft lips covered hers in a sleepy wet kiss. She closed her eyes and saw the dark ancient trees towering above them. _I'm still dreaming_. She felt his hard erection against her stomach and as he moved against her she heard his low growls of pleasure. She opened her mouth to his hungry kiss and allowed herself to be swept back into the dream with him.

Sam tasted her… he smelled the unique scent that was Alta and he knew whatever part of this dream wasn't true, _she was real_ and the desire he had for her was stronger than he'd ever felt. He was desperate to feel her warmth. He felt it when she gave in to the dream, opening to him. He explored her warm mouth; the feel… the taste… It wasn't enough. He ached for her and when he felt her shiver as he explored her body… felt her nipples tighten as he stroked them, he moved his hands lower, circling around to hold her firmly. She felt him hard against her as he explored the wetness at her center, gently probing.

"Sam?" she whispered. She could feel him smile at the sound of his name on her lips. His hands splayed across her round butt and he held her tight and pulled her to him as he plunged into her capturing her sweet cries in his mouth. His head fell to her side and he whispered his hot breath in her ear. "You're so _good_… I _need _you… so much…" He held her to him, rocking himself deep inside her, quelling his desperate need. She felt his body shudder.

He held himself deep inside her as he rose up holding himself on his forearms planted on either side of her head. He gazed down at her, his dark eyes watching her. "You growled…" Her voice was whisper soft. It was sexy and he smiled at her because he knew she liked it. Her eyes fluttered when he moved, slowly withdrawing and then moving back into her depths. When she opened her eyes he was watching her smiling; his dimples mocking her. His body was lying atop hers, his manhood buried deep inside her, his face looming just over hers.

"I'm gonna make you purr…" he slowly withdrew again leaving only the tip of him in her and she felt herself grasp… trying to hold him. "Ah…" He smiled. He felt it too and slid back into the depths of her. He began a long slow rhythm stroking in and out the full length of him growing and becoming harder.

She loved his warm body surrounding her… holding her… capturing her… watching her. He stroked a slow burn in her, watching her as she became hotter and hotter. Her body squirmed and moved beneath him and he loved it. He nipped at her lips, licked and kissed at her neck and murmured in her ear. "…gonna make you purr…" She felt his smile as he licked his hot tongue across her ear. That got an involuntary squeeze from her and he growled in her ear at the warm tightness around him. He couldn't help himself as he began to pick up his rhythm. "… gonna make you scream…" he upped the ante, his dark eyes smiling down at her.

He spread his legs forcing her to open wider and he watched her as he delved deep inside her grinding his body against her, knowing exactly how to move to hit her sweet spots and praising her when she made the soft moans and purrs… _"Sweet."_ ...when she caught her breath… _"Tell me, baby…"_ …when her eyes fluttered in that special way… _"Cum for me baby…"_ when her eyes rolled back and her lids fluttered down… He could feel the pressure building in her and his own excitement grew. _"Tell me!"_ He demanded as he moved faster… harder… deeper into her_. "Let me hear you scream."_ He could feel her, coiled like a snake ready to strike and the white hot pressure was building in him. He strained; every muscle tense as he waited for her cry.

"Oh, God!" She screamed and he thrust into her. "Sam!" His name tore from her lips and he buried himself deep inside her burning her with his hot seed. They clung to each other and he rocked them through the warm aftershocks of passion. Finally his body lay limp atop her. She was covered beneath him. She thought it might be the only thing that kept her from flying apart... that kept her anchored in this world.

He pushed himself over beside her and pulled her to him. Her head lay on his chest and his arm wrapped around her. "Come here. I heard you scream, now I want to listen to you purr." Her head lay on his chest and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"Only if you growl for me."

"Mmmm" His deep voice rumbled in his chest and he could feel her purrs.

… … …

"Dean." Lisa's voice was soft. She knew he'd come in late. She had expected him home from Carthage earlier but she just assumed he'd been delayed on the road. "Want some breakfast?"

"Lisa." Dean opened his eyes and immediately ran his hand across his face trying to shield himself from the bright morning glare. It sent stabbing pains through his brain. "I'm sorry... It was rough." Dean squinted at her. "I need to take a day off..." He heaved a deep breath. "Sorry... I'm wiped out." It was all he could tell her... _It was rough… I'm wiped out... Sorry…_ He couldn't tell her the horrors he'd witnessed... the horrors he'd done because he had to. The battle had been gruesome... messy... bloody. The demons had been riding humans so killing the demons had meant killing innocent, unfortunate humans... people... watching them die. When it had been just him and Sam or Dad or Bobby, it was easier. They knew the truth. They lived the life. They silently shared the dark secrets of horror. Dean didn't have to pretend that this was just another normal morning. Somehow going home to Lisa... hiding everything from her... pretending it was just a job and it was over, like he'd exterminated a hill of ants… made him feel dirty... made him feel as if he wasn't much different from what he killed.

"Of course." Lisa held out her hand. "Let's get you upstairs. You could use a shower. I'll bring you some breakfast and you can go back to bed. You'll sleep better if you eat something."

Dean did as he was told. Lisa knew he'd been drinking. It wasn't the first time but it had been better since Sam was back. The worst was right after he lost Sam to the cage. Dean drank a lot and got drunk often. Lisa thought those days were over, but now it seemed that there was just a lull and she would lose him again to the alcohol, the nightmares and the panic attacks... just when she thought she'd finally got to a good place... a good life with him.

… … …

Bobby woke up feeling pretty good, much better than he expected. All in all it was a great run. Crowley, Lucifer and Meg were all dead. Forcus turned out to be a bad guy but he was dead too. There would be fallout from the mission. There always was but they would deal with that as it came. His morning coffee perked him up, got the juices flowing pretty smooth. Bobby finished his coffee staring out over the salvage yard through the kitchen window. He put his empty cup in the sink and headed upstairs for a quick shower. He even trimmed his beard, put on nice clothes… a suit, and left off the ball cap before he grabbed his coat and headed out the door. It was only an hour or so to Lincoln and if he was lucky, he'd be able to take Kat out to lunch. And maybe, if he was _very_ lucky spend the evening with her too.

"Bobby, what a nice surprise." Kat's smile lit up her face and Bobby's too. He cleared his throat. "Is everything alright?"

"Yea, just fine... I thought you might like to go to lunch." Now that he was close to her he was a little nervous. She always made him a little nervous but he liked the feel.

"I've got patients to see for at least another hour but after that I have the afternoon free." Her dark eyes captivated him. "Um... You can wait in my office if you'd like or come back in an hour." She waited for his response.

"I'll be back to pick you up."

Bobby had an hour to kill and a very fine lady to impress. So he made the most of that time.

... ... ...

Sam expected Alta to wake when she smelled coffee but when he went into the bedroom with a fresh cup she was still in deep sleep. He stood beside the bed sipping the hot sweet liquid, letting it sooth his dry throat and warm him as he watched her sleep. Her auburn hair was splayed out across the pillow. Her breathing was slow and deep. Her dark lashes betrayed the movement of her eyes below their closed lids and Sam knew she was dreaming. He hoped her dreams were not of the fight or of Hell… but what else would she dream of after seeing it. He'd been plagued by dreams of Hell since he got those memories back.

Worry began to nip at the edge of his mind. She'd slept pretty much all day yesterday and all night… well, except for a brief interlude. Sam smiled at the memory of their love making. It had been powerful… so very powerful… they'd both slipped back into sleep afterwards and it was nearly noon now. She slept for nearly twenty four hours. How was that even possible? Maybe this wasn't a normal sleep… maybe it was something more, something supernatural. Her body needed food. At the very least, she needed water. He talked himself into waking her up; just to make sure she was alright. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently touched her arm, giving it a little shake. "Alta?"

She could still smell the burning flesh and the sulfurous odor of Hell. She heard the helpless screams of the souls below her. Tortured souls crying to be free of the demons that scratched and clawed at them. She recognized some of them. She saw Steve… she'd hunted with him… he loved her… she used him… he begged her to take him out. She hung helpless from Forcus' grasp, flying over the floor of Hell. She saw Samuel. He was lifeless, nearly consumed by the demons and his blank face stared up at her, eyes wide, mouth open as the demons tore at him and ate him. One demon pulled out his tongue and smacking his lips, he laughed. Another of them glared up at her. "We'll eat you too."

The worst was seeing Sam broken and beaten. Sam's eyes were hopeless. His body hung limp from the walls of the cage. Blood flowed down him and dripped off his feet and hands. Suddenly it wasn't just Sam. There was another… clinging… no… he was fused to Sam so that his hands and forearms disappeared into Sam's and his feet and legs became one with Sam's. Sam face twisted in pain as he stared down into the face of the other. "Adam…" she heard Sam weep his name. She saw Sam glaring down into his dead eyes, his rotting mouth opened in a silent scream. She wanted to look away. She tried to look away but she couldn't turn her head. She couldn't close her eyes to block out the sight of him. Sam looked at her; his eyes pained and hopeless. "Alta?" His soft voice floated to her over the incessant weeping and cackling laughter of Hell. She felt sick. The bile rose from her belly sour and burning.

Sam couldn't wake her with a gentle shake. He called to her over and over. Finally he grabbed her arms and yelled her name, shaking her hard. When she woke, her eyes were wide in panic. She pushed away from him and flung herself across the bed. Hanging her head over the side she heaved the acid hot bile onto the floor. "Oh…" She grabbed her head with both hands and she could feel her brain throbbing against her skull.

"Alta." Sam turned and stroked her back. "What is it? Your head hurts?"

"Yes." her voice was weak. "It's pounding."

Sam was familiar with headaches and his worst ones were the ones that followed his recovering memories... dreams especially the ones of Hell. "I'll be right back." he came back with a cool cloth to wash her face, a towel to clean the floor, a bottle of water and some pills for her head ache.

"Did you dream?" Sam had finished cleaning up, got a fresh cup of coffee and slid back into the bed with her. He sat with his back against the headboard and pulled her against him, cradling her in his arms.  
>She didn't say anything. She wasn't sure she could find the words... wasn't sure she wanted to tell him. She clung to him feeling the warmth of his body seeping into her; his strength holding her.<br>"Alta, there's nothing you can't share with me." Sam stroked her hair and his hand drifted down her back as he rested his cheek against her head. "I already know the worst of the worst." He snorted. "Maybe if you talk about it... Believe me I've seen it."

"I saw people I knew." her voice was soft, hesitant. "I saw Steve... It's my fault... I let him get killed."

"No... no… Alta. You didn't let him get killed. It was a hunt. Sometimes it just happens."

"He begged me to take him out... they were..." She swallowed and turned her face into his chest knotting the material of his shirt into her fist. "...eating him... alive... he saw me... begged me to help him. She choked on a sob.

Sam pulled her closer and stroked her back. "What else?" He knew she needed to get this out.

"There were others... family."

"I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted for you was to see... Hell." Sam's voice was bitter.

"I saw you." Her words hit him like a blow to the gut.

"What do you mean?" Sam swallowed hard. "You mean when I came with Tabbris to find you?"

"No. I saw you in the cage... hanging... bleeding." How could she see that? "Adam... Who was he?"

"My half-brother." How could she see that? Adam had been dead long before she even knew Sam. "He was drawn into the cage because Michael was in him."

"I saw him... his dead body... hanging..."

"Stop!" Sam's body went ridged. "Don't..." The memory of watching Adam rot… of feeling the pain of Adam's dead flesh seeping into his soul… It was the worst… That memory was the worst of the worst. Sam heard her crying. He had seen her tears before. He'd seen her sob and fight back tears. He'd heard her voice trembling with sorrow but he'd never heard her cry. Not the full throated, wails of sorrow and fear that came from her now. And he knew she cried for him.

"It's ok. It's over." Sam swallowed his own pain and tended to her. "I'm not there anymore. I'm right here with you." One hand slowly circled on her back and the other caressed her cheek, holding her close. "I'm alright. I'm heeled." He kissed the top of her head. He can't hurt me anymore. Lucifer's dead."

… … …

"I'm sorry. It took me a little longer than I thought." Bobby had been waiting in Kat's office. Her 'hour' had turned into two but Bobby knew what a good doctor she was and that she really cared about her patients so he didn't mind the wait. "Find anything good in that little hometown newspaper?"

Bobby smiled at her and threw the paper down on her desk. "Found a nice place to have lunch. You like sushi?"

"Love it!" She grabbed her coat. "Would you be thinking Fuji Moto's?"

"Is it good?"

"Best in town."

"Well, then let's go." Bobby held the door for her and they said good bye to the nurse and receptionist on the way out.

"Young Frankenstein, Fronkensteen…" Bobby gave his best Mel Brooks, "… is playing at the Lied performing arts center. Are you up for some wild humor tonight?"

"I'd just love that, Bobby." There it was again. That beautiful smile that lit up her soulful dark eyes. Bobby didn't even see the tiny little lines that crinkled in the corners. He just saw those soft beautiful lips and thought of how much he loved to kiss them.

… … …

"Something's not right." Sam paced across the kitchen floor. "This can't be normal."

"We're two people who just came back from a tour through Hell. How can any of this be normal?" Alta poured a cup of coffee and added cream and sugar.

"You know what I mean." Sam turned to face her. "Someone… some _thing_ is messing with your head. I'm gonna find out what it is and I'm gonna stop it." His jaw flinched as he gritted his teeth.

Alta handed him the coffee. "Here." She looked up at him. "We both need to calm down. Let's go for a ride. It's not too cold yet." He took the cup she handed him and sipped a couple of times as he walked over to the sink.

"Ok." He turned. "Let's pack up."

Within minutes they were dressed for a fall run. Jeans and leather chaps, boots and leather jackets... gloves and helmets in place. They were ready for the chill as Sam stepped on his Harley and Alta slid in behind him. There was a roar of thunder as they headed out to the highway and then everything melted into the landscape as the miles rolled under them. Sam took the back roads full of the trees giving up the last of their colorful leaves. The roar and vibration of the powerful engine worked its way through their bodies and minds to sooth and ease away the stresses and clear their heads.

_**TBC**_

_**Thanks so much for following. I know it's been a long time coming, but I needed time to refresh and to think about new directions since I killed off all the 'Big Bads'. Anyway, a new direction for Sam and Alta, Bobby and Kat and Dean and Lisa… and… most especially Ben. Hope you enjoy part three. **_

_**Please take a moment to comment. I'm encouraged when I hear from you Many thanks to those who have commented and those who alert and favorite my story.**_


	42. Chapter 42

**Family Secrets: Part three – **_**Old Haunts – New Beginnings**_ - _chapter 2_

_You know I don't own SPN or the SPN characters._

_**And you can bring me to my knees **_

_**All this time that I could make you breathe **_

_**All the times that I felt insecure **_

_**And I leave a burning path of flame **_

_**I'm on the outside**_

_**I'm looking in **_

_**I can see through you **_

_**See your true colors **_

_**Cause inside you're ugly **_

_**You're Ugly like me **_

_**I can see through you **_

_**See to the real you **_

…

_**All the times that I've cried **_

_**All that's wasted it's all inside **_

_**And I feel all this pain **_

_**Stuffed it down its back again **_

_**And I lie here in bed **_

_**All alone I can't mend **_

_**And I feel tomorrow will be okay **_

_**But I know **_

_**That I'm on the outside **_

_**I'm looking in **_

_**I can see through you **_

_**See your true colors **_

_**Cause inside you're ugly **_

_**You're ugly like me **_

_**I can see through you **_

_**See to the real you**_

_Stained - Outside_

…

"Hey, Dean." Sam stood next to Dean's latest project, a '68 Plymouth Barracuda. Dean looked at his brother's giant feet, sighed and rolled out from under the car. He squinted up at Sam whose face was in shadows and the bright sun shown behind him.

"What's up?" Dean hauled up from the dolly and stood beside Sam stretching his sore muscles. He'd been under the car most if the morning. The work was tedious but Dean loved it, sore muscles and all.

"I need your help."

"Well, I live to serve..." Dean nodded and walked over to the cooler. "Want a beer."

"No, a bit early for me, Dean." Sam's look was a little concerned. Dean chose to ignore it.

"What do you need?" Dean screwed the top off his beer and flicked it to the trash can.

"It's about Alta. Something's happening with her."

"Something?" Dean questioned. "Like..."

"Like our kind of something." Sam watched for Dean's reaction. "Something supernatural."

Dean leaned against the car and took a long pull on his beer. "What do you know so far?"

"She's having dreams; dreams of Hell."

"Anybody who's been to the pit is likely to have dreams. That's normal." Dean cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes. "Well, our kind of normal."

"Her dreams aren't about her trip to the pit. They're about my time in the cage. Her dreams are my memories." Sam's jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth. Dean knew the subtle outward signs of Sam's anger. "Someone or some _thing_ is putting these memories in her head."

"Is she... ok?" Dean knew firsthand how disturbing memories and nightmares could be... Especially ones of Hell... even more especially Sam's memories of the cage. Sam had never shared any Hell memories with Dean. But Dean understood that. What few memories he had shared with Sam of his time in the pit were at wits end and even then they were vague. "You sure she's not just... getting it from you... I mean you've talked about some things... maybe her mind has just put things together and..."

"No, Dean." Sam was adamant. "The dreams were too specific and I haven't talked about my memories with her." He swallowed hard. "I didn't tell her, Dean." He paced; his hands thrashing the air in front of him. "I didn't tell anyone." Sam hesitated. His voice was low and he struggled with the words. "She dreamed the worst... the worst of... I couldn't put it into words... but she knew... she saw... she described it too accurately to be just figuring it out. And I would do anything..." He squared off with his brother, his eyes fixed on Dean's. "..._Anything _to keep those memories out of her head. I don't want her dreaming any more of that… _shit!"_

"Ok. We'll figure it out." Dean knew his brother was distraught and there was nothing that put Dean into motion faster than Sam in distress. "Did you check for hex bags?"

"Couldn't find anything."

"What could transfer your memories to her dreams?" Dean looked thoughtful. "...and why?"

"So we search the lore." Sam let out a sigh. It felt good to have help with this.

"You hit the books. I'm going over to your place. I want to check out your house myself. You know..." Dean waved two fingers in front of his face "...a second pair of eyes."

"Yea, good. You double check the house, I'm gonna get Bobby and research." Sam knew how sharp Dean's eyes were. If there was something to be found, something Sam had missed, Dean would find it.

"Is Alta at home?"

"No she's teaching self-defense classes at Lisa's studio."

"Good." Dean tossed his empty beer bottle, wiped his hands on the rag hanging out of his back pocket before tossing it to the side and heading toward the Impala. "Oh." He turned back to Sam. "Bobby's not home. He was gone when I got here. Been gone all weekend as far as I can tell."

"Did you call?"

"Of course. He's not answering." Dean pulled out his phone and dialed Bobby's number again.

"What?" Bobby's voice was soft, but his annoyance was clear. "I'm on my way home… be there in about an hour. Can it wait?"

Dean pulled the phone from his ear, glanced at it clearly confused and muttered something Sam didn't quite catch. He put the phone back to his ear looking at Sam. _WTF?_ "Yea, that's… um… fine. Sorry." He flipped the phone closed.

Sam shrugged, holding his hands up. _What's up?_

"He'll be home in an hour." Dean turned toward the Impala again, shaking his head as he walked away.

"Ok."

… … …

Dean eased his way into Sam's empty house. He gazed around the living room, glanced at the paintings on the wall, and searched the windows, checked under the chairs and the sofa. He was giving Sam's house a fine toothed comb through. Dean's eyes were sharp and he didn't miss much. He checked in the little wood stove. _That could come in handy._ He moved on to the kitchen, checking the windows, inside and behind the appliances, under the kitchen table, all the cabinets. Dean smiled to himself. _Alta's just as clueless in a kitchen as Sam. We need to have them over for a home cooked meal._ He moved on to the bedroom, checking all the furniture and the bed. He moved through the bathroom and the other bedroom with the same critical eye. Dean's search of the house came up with nothing. Time to tackle the grounds.

The grounds around Sam's house were mostly woods. There was a bit of a clearing close to the house but no yard. In order to be a yard, you'd need grass and with the trees so close to the house there was not enough light for grass to grow… or much of anything else but forest. Dean thought it was a bit dark and not unlike the kind of houses hunters might like to squat in. No way for casual neighbors to keep up with comings and goings. _Ah, Sammy. You two are hard core hunters. We need to teach you how to live a little. _ Sean searched all the crannies and crevices around the base of the house. There was no basement but there was a crawl space under the house. It was difficult to spot an entrance to the crawl space because of the weeds, bushes and piles of fallen leaves obscuring the base of the house.

Dean suddenly spotted a pair of gray eyes watching him. His first reaction was a cringe as a cold shiver ran down his spine but he realized the eyes belonged to a little cat. She sat at one corner of the house. Her gray coat made her difficult to spot, but the bright white diamond on her chest puffed out as she watched him. Once she was certain he was focused on her, she ducked her head as if she was nodding to him. Then she turned and disappeared around the side of the house. Dean followed. She stopped next to a pile of drifted leaves near the far corner and began to scratch at them, burrowing her way through to the foundation of the house. All Dean could see was her tail sticking out when she suddenly turned and stuck her head out of the leaves, gazing at him. "What?" Dean called to the cat. But she bolted scattering leaves all around as she ran for the forest.

Dean walked over to the leaf pile where the little cat had been digging and he kicked at the wall and sure enough he heard the sound of wood… a wooden door in the midst of the stone foundation. He knew what he had to do. _God, I hate crawling into dark cramped spaces. _He thought if Sam was here they could 'rock, paper, scissors' to see who crawled under the house… but he generally lost anyway. Dean shrugged and kicked open the little door that led to the crawl space under the house, took a deep breath and slid through on his belly. Once through the door he could at least raise up to a squat. He shinned the flashlight around, checking the beams. "Jenga!" Dean duck walked his way over to the area beneath the bedroom and pulled a hex bag out from atop a beam.

… … …

"This is serious spell work." Bobby gazed at the contents of the hex bag opened on his desk. "This is ancient."

Sam picked up a small charred bone, gazing at it. "It's human… a small child… infant probably."

"I hate witches!" Dean cringed. "You know I had help finding this hex bag." Sam and Bobby looked at him. "A little gray cat helped me."

"How so?" Sam asked.

"I was looking around the outside of the house and she led me to the door to the crawl space." Dean's brows rose. "It was hidden by all the overgrown bushed and leaves piled up around your house."

Sam gave him a quizzical look. "We like the natural look."

Dean raised his hands in dismissal. "I'm just saying."

"Lore has witches using animals as familiars. Cats are a common one." Bobby rubbed his hand across his chin. "But I've never actually seen a witch use a cat."

"I haven't either." Sam added. "Wives tale, maybe or could be another indication of how old this spell work is."

"I don't think so. The cat was helping me." Dean said. "It doesn't make sense… unless... good witch… bad witch?"

"There's lots of Native American lore of helping animal spirits, totems and such." Sam added. "More likely than 'good witch'"

"Red dirt." Bobby sighed, changing the subject back to the hex bags. "Could be from anywhere… but could be from Carthage. The dirt over that devil's gate would be very powerful."

"So, some witch made a visit there and then came to Sam's house? We're not exactly in the same neighborhood." Dean wondered aloud.

"Maggie said demons had been coming out of that pit for weeks before…" Sam stopped mid-sentence. "Some of those demons were witches… like Ruby was a witch before…"

"So now were on a witch – slash - demon hunt?"

"Looks like." Bobby answered Dean's question. "Couldn't be Ruby. You boys killed her, didn't you?"

"Yea." Dean's face was sour. He blamed Ruby for getting Sam hooked on demon blood and leading him off in all the wrong directions. "I stabbed her with her own knife." He could still feel the satisfaction of killing her. _"It's too late." She had gloated. "I don't care." Dean had told her just before Sam grabbed her and held her for Dean to make the kill. _

Dean looked at Sam. He was staring at the contents of the hex bag. His face was hidden. But Dean knew the silence… knew the stance… something was cooking in Sam's head. "What is it Sam?" Dean's voice was deep and gruff. He demanded to know what Sam was thinking. He was sure it couldn't be good.

"Nothing." Sam didn't look up but lightly touched the rest of the items in the hex bag. He was committing each one to memory. Just like he committed the hex bags Ruby had made to memory. Suddenly he looked up at Dean. "You still have the hex bags I made to keep the demons and Angels off our trail? The ones Ruby taught me how to make?"

"No. You burned them, remember?" Dean wasn't critical, just stating fact. He knew what was on Sam's mind.

"I'm going out. I'm gonna make up some hex bags for all of us." Sam headed for the door.

"You think it's a demon… or an Angel?" Bobby called after Sam.

"Don't know but better safe than sorry." Sam tossed the cliché over his shoulder as he left the room.

… … …

There was a definite chill in the air when Sam got out of bed. The floor was cold and the furnace was doing the best it could but it was going to be a long cold winter. A week had passed without any more dreams for either him or Alta. That was good and he was thankful. But every instinct Sam had told him it was not over yet. It had been some very powerful spell work which meant it was a very powerful witch or demon toying with his memories and Alta's dreams.

Sam downed a bottle of water and started toward the front door when his eyes fell on the woodstove in the fireplace. He cocked his head in thought. Maybe he'd go for a different kind of work out this morning.

"I got plenty of wood." Bobby answered Sam's question. "I even got a truck you can haul it on."

It took him an hour to stack the wood in Bobby's truck, haul it back to the house and then stack it by the front porch. By the time he'd done all that he'd worked up a sweat and headed for the shower. Alta watched him, sipping her coffee as he passed by grinning. _He's mighty proud of himself._ She glanced out the kitchen window and spied his mornings work stacked neatly by the porch. Then she thought of the warmth of a hot fire in the woodstove. _Sweet! _Alta definitely liked creature comforts and a wood stove blasting heat into this cold house was on her list of good things.

When he came out of the bathroom, freshly showered and clean clothes, the smell of pancakes and bacon filled the kitchen. Alta smiled and handed him a cup of coffee, sweet and light, like he liked it.

"I think it's going to be a long cold winter." Sam sipped the coffee she handed him. "But we're gonna be warm."

"So I see." Alta plopped a plate of pancakes and bacon on the table in front of him. He reached for the butter but he stopped when she went on to say… "I want to go back and spend some time with my family before the snow makes everything difficult."

"How long?" Sam resumed buttering his pancakes but with a bit less enthusiasm.

"A week maybe… not long." She signed. "I just didn't have enough time after… last time I was with them… and I want to see everybody."

"Alta, I really need to stay on the trail of whatever it was that's trying to toy with my memories and your dreams. It's not over yet. I have an awful feeling it's gonna get worse." He reached for the syrup.

"You stay and research, I'll go by myself."

"No." It came out of his mouth before he could even think. She gave him an odd look. "I mean, I don't think it's a good idea. What if you have another nightmare and I'm not there to help?"

"I'll manage. Besides I only had the one so whatever caused it, I'm good now."

"I'm not so sure. I still think somet_hing_ is after you and whatever it is, it has a reason for putting my dreams into your head." Sam was doing everything he could to make his case. This was wrong. Her going off without him... It was wrong. He began to wonder if it had something to do with the Campbell's. They wanted her back. How far would they go to get her back? He knew how far Christian and Samuel had been willing to go. And he knew the Campbell's had access to more research than Bobby. They had access to powerful spell work.

"Sam, I'm just going to visit for a week. I'll be fine." She was trying to be reasonable but he was getting a bit too demanding for her taste. "Even if it is some _thing_, the Campbell's are a clan of hunters, remember? They'll protect me."

"Like Christian tried to protect you?" his barb hit the mark. He could see it on her face so he decided to press the issue. "... or Samuel... like he tried to take care of you?"

She was hurt. "That's not fair and you know it!" Alta turned and walked to the sink grabbing the edge of the counter. Her anger was threatening to take over but she was trying to remain calm… to discuss this with him reasonably, even if he wasn't being reasonable. "They are my family. Just because Christian and Samuel were... corrupt... the rest aren't. They came to our aide twice... in battle... they lost good people both times." she teared at the memory of Gwynn and...

"I know." He wasn't willing to give up his argument that easily even though he could tell it was hurting her. He needed to protect her. "But the fact is, you're a Campbell and you left the clan to hunt with me. They don't like that." Sam swallowed hard. He needed her to understand his fears. "Who knows what they are capable of?"

"I know what they're not capable of and you should too."

"No, I can see them being behind this whole dream thing... casting a spell to get you to come back."

"Sam." She tried again to reason with him. "They wanted you back too. Mark offered to step down. He wanted you to lead. He was sincere. I could tell."

"I don't want that. I don't want to be a part of the clan. It all makes me think of Samuel and..."

"I'm a Campbell, Sam. Do I make you think of Samuel?" She didn't wait for him to answer. Instead she stalked into the bedroom and began to stuff clothes into her duffel.

"Alta, it's not like that." Sam followed watching her pack. "Don't do this."

"You make them sound like evil people." She hoisted her duffel over one shoulder. "They're my people... my family, Sam. They're not evil." He was losing this battle and he knew it but he was determined. He held her; clasping both hands on her arms and making her face him.

"Don't run away, Alta. You have to stop this." Sam was adamant. "Every time we disagree like this, you pack your things and run." Sam's voice quieted. "Stay with me. You promised not to leave me and I promised to tell you everything." He pulled her to him, holding her close. "I can't make you stay, but I'm asking you to hear what I'm saying. I might be wrong about your family. But could you just wait until we get this figured out… just in case."

"You're right." She calmed. "I'll wait… I'll stay with you, but I think you're wrong about the Campbell's."

"I hope I am." Sam let out a deep sigh of relief. "I just want to be sure, that's all." Sam pulled her away from him so that he could focus his eyes with hers. "And believe me, you make me think a lot of things but none of them are about Samuel." He grinned, his dimples sweetly melting her heart. "I love you, Alta. And I don't want to lose you."

"Then trust me. I need to see my family. Go with me."

... ... ...

Dean stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen. His head was pounding and his eyes sent sparks through his brain at the bright light of the morning. He smacked his lips and struggled to work up some moisture in his mouth. His throat felt as if it was glued shut. He made it to the coffee cups by memory and to the fresh pot by smell. A few sips of the hot liquid helped everything get back into working order, even his ears. The lively Spanish music perked his ears up as he wandered to the living room. Lisa was working on a new Zumba routine for her class.

Dean was gazing at her transfixed. The tight workout clothes clung to her shapely body and the moves of the dance were so smooth… so sexy. Drop one hip, then the other in a Latin rhythm. Lisa's long slender arms moved about in the sultry rhythms. A shimmy, her back to him, her shoulders shaking, the sweat on her back glistening; a shake and she sent her beautifully rounded bottom in an enticing shiver. If ever there was a sexy dance, this was it and Dean couldn't help himself. He moved in close behind her catching her waist with a low growl.

"Dean!" Lisa protested. "I've got to get this routine together for a class this morning." She shook him off and counted her way back into the routine. _Damn!_ He thought as he headed back into the kitchen. He'd finished off the Plymouth Barracuda and sold it yesterday. He turned around about half of that money to buy his next project, a 1956 Ford Thunderbird… _sweet!_ Dean thought. He would make a good profit on that one. The Barracuda had been a sweet deal and the Thunderbird would be a sweet deal too. His hard work deserved a little celebration and he didn't make it home until late… very late. He thought he was quiet, but he was drunk and anything but quiet. Lisa lay in bed and listened but she made no indication that she was awake and after fumbling around for a while he finally fell into bed and passed out while Lisa silently cried. It was something every night. If he wasn't celebrating a sale, he was chilling after a hard fight or a hard day… it was always something.

... ... ...

"Marry me." Alta felt blindsided, the breath knocked out of her. Sam thought she looked at him as if he had two heads. "It's not a trick question." His laugh was just a little shaky... a little insecure.

"Well, I'm sort of surprised. I don't know where that came from." She tore her eyes away from him and stared out of the passenger side window, watching the Midwestern landscape roll past. His question caught her off guard. She felt trapped. There was an unexplainable tightness in her chest.

"I can't marry you with my real name. I'm supposed to be dead. The ultimate dodge from the law. But it's easy enough to forge papers. My real birth certificate has me as Samuel Winchester... No middle name. I could change my identity to be Sam... Eric Winchester."

"Eric?" She wrinkled her nose as if the name smelled bad. "Where did that come from?"

"I don't know, just random. You don't like Eric? Pick a name... any name you want." He smiled at her. His very charming smile. One that hid his sudden fear that she would say no. He knew she was avoiding the question and in his heart he had hoped she would say yes. Without hesitation... without thought... as if it was something she had already thought about... something she already wanted.

"Sam. I love you but I don't think I would make a good wife."

"I'm not asking you to be _a wife._ I'm asking you to be _my wife_. And you _are _good for me." He was hurt but he wasn't really surprised that Alta would react differently than expected. "What are you afraid of?"

"I just need to think about it."

"How long do you need?"

She didn't answer. She gazed out the window and the silence stretched out between them. He knew she was thinking; he just didn't know _what _she was thinking. He knew she loved him. _Why is she stalling? What can she possibly be so afraid of... after all we've been through already?_ Sam took the next exit off the highway and pulled into a rest stop.

"I'll be back." he said as he exited the car and hurried toward the men's bathroom. Once inside he glanced around the nearly empty facilities and stepped into the closest stall. Closing the door he leaned against the wall, his eyes closed tight, his heart pounding; a white hot pain shot across his chest. He breathed deep, gaining control of his raging emotions. After he relieved himself he stepped to the sink. As he washed his hands, he bent down and splashed water on his face and across the back of his neck letting the coolness help to calm his nerves. He gazed into the mirror. His eyes were dark and narrow, his lips a thin line. He straightened and breathed a deep sigh then turned and walked calmly back to the car.

Alta was coming back from her own trip to the facilities and he held the door open for her then quickly rounded the car to the driver's side. "Let's get a room and then some dinner." His voice was calm... unemotional... almost cold. "I'm tired and I don't think we can get there 'til late anyway. We might as well get a good night's sleep and get going early in the morning." He wasn't asking... he was telling... And he was already turning into the closest motel.

... ... ...

Alta stood in the shower, the warm water flowing over her, soothing away the stress_. Why shouldn't I marry Sam? I love him. He loves me._ Fear congealed in the pit of her belly. She'd been married before and it had all gone horribly wrong. It turned into a nightmare. Her marriage was a dark place in her life and she never wanted to be caught in that dark place again.

Sam was hurt. She could feel it. He'd been quiet all through dinner. More than once she caught him gazing at her intently, his dark eyes unreadable. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. He deserved better. She knew he loved her not because he said so. She could count the times he actually said he loved her on one hand and probably have fingers left over. But he could say the same about her. And he'd proved his love for her. _He jumped into Hell to save me, for God's sake!_ She chided herself. _What's wrong with me? _But she knew what was wrong with her, scars... very old scars. She felt broken...

Alta thought back to the first time she met Sam. Samuel brought him into the clan just a few weeks after he showed up... back from the dead... and announced that Sam was back from the dead too. Sam was strong and power radiated off him like the rays of the sun. She was drawn to him. She couldn't help herself. He was the ultimate 'bad boy'. Quiet and brooding; he was dangerous. He was soulless. She could see it so plainly now that he had his soul back.

When she came out of the shower he was already in his pajama pants. Soft, long, black cotton pants that rested low on his hips. He was shirtless and his strong, broad back was to her. He poured her a drink but not one for himself, and then turned to hand it to her. Sam gazed at her. She was beautiful. Her eyes, the crystal green eyes that haunted him, when he couldn't remember who she was. The same eyes that pulled him back to her when the memory of her was trapped behind the wall in his head. Her smile, her hair, her smell, everything that was Alta. Her gentle touch kept him grounded and her love for him had saved him from himself. She had seen the worst of him; the pain and anger of his ragged soul.

Sam crossed the room and handed her the whiskey. He stood close, too close. He towered over her. His scent filled her head. She gazed at his toned body. The feel of his muscles, his chest, his arms... so familiar... so beautiful and she knew how hard he worked to make his body strong and toned. She knew the early morning runs the strenuous exercises and she knew why. He wasn't vane. He did it for the job, to be strong, to make his body able to take whatever the job gave him, to be able to stand whatever he had to.

She swallowed the whiskey and he poured another shot in her glass. She looked down into the amber liquid, swirling it in the glass. She turned and walked to the bedside table, setting the glass down. He came and stood behind her, reaching around her to put the bottle down next to her glass. His hand rested on her shoulder.

At the rest stop Sam had shut down his emotions... had prepared himself for the pain he knew was coming. Sam knew how to shut down. He knew how to bury his feelings deep and let his soulless self take control. Without his own fear and anger to distract him the pieces of this puzzle began to fall into place.

"It's Christian, isn't it?" She didn't answer but she let her body lean against him. It was answer enough. "Do I need to dig him up and kill him again?" He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "Come on. We'll dig up the bastard and finally put him out of your head."

... ... ...

Lisa had a long day at the studio. She'd taught three Zumba classes, two yoga sessions and ended by filling in for Alta on a self-defense class. She was exhausted. Her muscles ached and she didn't think she could make it through a family meal. She gave money to Ben and sent him to get… whatever… she told him she didn't care what he got. She filled the Jacuzzi and eased into the jets of hot water. She sipped a glass of wine while she felt the tightness ease out of her muscles.

Lisa began to float in the warmth and feel her body ease into a soft drift across a deep blue sky. A tiny white moon shed little light on the ground below. She could see Dean's silhouette against what little light there was in the darkness. He stood tall, straight…he was beautiful, strong and powerful… his gun at the ready. She heard the shots watched as his strong shoulders barely moved in the recoil of the shots. One and then another. She saw the black shapes of the men fall in the field, dead from Dean's bullets. _"Yahtzee!" _Then he grinned as dark figures flowed out of the ground around him. Lisa watched as blood splattered in his face. Blood sprayed from the decapitated heads, their eyes wide and staring in shock, their mouths open with screams that would never make it through the severed throats. She watched him slice through necks as he was face to face grinning, blood dripping from his face, his hands, his clothes and he grinned. The same grin she saw when he smiled at her.

Lisa saw the field of battle strewn with the dead. She watched them all, Dean, Sam, Bobby and Alta… even Alta… as they pulled bodies together and burned them. Alta… her friend… she was bloody… she wielded her machete high… she cut and slashed and killed. No… this can't be… she wanted to be brave like Alta. She didn't want to be a killer. She didn't want to be in the middle of a blood bath.

Lisa choked. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes opened and she looked through a watery world. He arms flailed as she struggled to get to the surface of the water in the hot tub. Gasping deep breaths, she hung over the side of the tub.

Dean burst into the room. "Lisa!" He was kneeling at her side, her head in his hands. "What happened, Lisa? Are you alright?" He grabbed a towel and helped her out of the tub. "Come on. Let's get you dry." He wrapped the towel around her and led her to the bedroom. "It's ok… it's ok…" he kept telling her. "We'll get some dry clothes on you." Lisa cried and trembled in his arms.

… … …

Sam held her close to him, spooned against him, her head tucked under his chin. "Tell me." His voice was soft. He waited. She felt safe, warm and she began to drift back to the dark times. "Dig him up for me, Alta." Sam gave her a gentle squeeze. "I'll help you… we'll kill his dead ass again."

"I was thirteen when my mom and dad died." She swallowed. "They were on a hunt. Zombies. They never came back… there wasn't enough left of them… I didn't have a chance to burn them… to say good bye." She sighed. "I was alone but the clan was my family. They all raised me. Everyone tried to make it up to me. Especially Christian. I was thirteen, he was twenty two. He taught me everything about hunting and fighting. Every time he came home from a hunt he sought me out and he told me everything that happened. I thought he was strong and powerful… and I thought he was handsome."

Sam's dark eyes drifted closed and his jaw jumped as he gritted his teeth. He kept his emotions tamped down deep. He didn't speak. He would wait for her story to unfold as she was willing to tell it. But she could feel his muscles tense, could hear his teeth grinding. She knew the anger that was building in him and she was afraid he would blame her… afraid he would hurt her.

"When I was sixteen, he was twenty five and his parents said we were old enough. They wanted us to marry. I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me and we would hunt together like my mama and dad had hunted together and when the time came, we would lead the clan together."

"Did you marry?" Sam's voice was low and soft, barely a whisper.

"Yes, and we hunted together for a while. But his parents wanted us to have children and he wanted children."

"But you didn't?"

"No. I knew what happened to the women who had children. They gave up hunting. They stayed home with the children. I didn't want that."

"But your mother didn't stop hunting."

"No. She was hated for it. Everyone said she was wrong, everyone but my dad. He loved her and he loved to hunt with her. But they wouldn't let me do that. They said I would have to give up hunting when I had my first baby." She paused and smiled. "But I didn't get pregnant. And they hated me. They constantly pressured Christian to get me pregnant and…" She breathed in a trembling breath. "It got bad. He became obsessed and he blamed me." Her breath became ragged. "He said I was useless and he hit me… he beat me."

Sam didn't have to ask. He knew she got no help from Christian's parents. He knew she was alone… a child against a man. It was another one of many things he'd add to his growing dislike of the Campbell clan; another reason to distrust them. But he wouldn't voice that feeling now. "It wasn't your fault." Sam whispered in her ear.

"Yes, it was." She smiled. "I made sure I wouldn't get pregnant. I snuck off and had an IUD placed. So no matter how many times he fucked me…" Her voice became a whisper. She sounded to Sam like a small child. "No matter how many times he raped me…" Her voice died in the midst of the knot in her throat. Sam's body tensed and in spite of the iron will he used to keep his emotions buried deep inside his ragged soul, his eyes became dark pools of anger and tears crept out as his lids closed to covered the hatred he felt. Alta forced her voice through and finished her story. "…I wouldn't get pregnant. And finally we divorced. It was a scandal for a time but I was twenty two and stronger. I'd been in my own hell for six years and I didn't care what they thought. I didn't care what they said. I learned to live with things the way they were… just me, alone. I was a good hunter and I proved myself in battle. That's more important to the clan than anything. So in time everyone forgot and forgave… everyone but Christian"

Sam's dark eyes stared into the night. "I'm not Christian. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to have children, you don't have to hide it. And you're not a child anymore. You can make your own decisions. I'll accept whatever you decide."

… … …

Dean was thankful he'd decided to come home earlier than his usual. He had remembered how beautiful Lisa was that morning working on her Zumba moves and he couldn't get her out of his mind. He knew he hadn't been the family man he should be lately. He'd been more like his dad, leaving him and Sam to raise themselves, forgetting about his children at home, stumbling in drunk at all hours. He meant to be different. He meant to be better for Ben and Lisa.

"Lisa, what happened?" Dean had put Lisa to bed, brought her a cup of tea, the flowery kind she liked and a pimento cheese sandwich.

"I was just relaxing in the tub and I closed my eyes to think and I started dreaming. I must have fallen asleep." Lisa sipped her tea. "I dreamed I saw you in a field. You shot these two men and all these people started coming up out of the ground." Lisa took another sip of her tea. She looked at Dean and he hated the terror in her eyes.

"Lisa, what else did you see?" Dean knew she had dreamed his memory just like Alta had dreamed Sam's

"It was… there was blood everywhere. You… killed people… with a huge…" Lisa's hands spread to about the size of Dean's machete. "You chopped off their heads… and Sam and Bobby…" Lisa swallowed, her eyes screwed shut she was digging the heels of her hands into her eyes. "Alta… was brutal… and bloody." Lisa hugged her knees up to her chin clinging tightly. It was the last thing Dean wanted Lisa to know. To see the life… the bloody, messy, horror that was the life of a hunter.

Dean slipped into the bed next to her. "Lisa, I would give anything for you not to see this… not to know. I'm sorry." He pulled her close. She laid her head on his chest. He could feel her wet tears and the gentle sobs as she clutched him. "It's who I am. It's ugly. And I have to do it to keep people safe. It's what it like to be a hunter."

… … …

"Dean." Sam recognized the alias on his cell phone.

"Sam. I need you back here." It was early and Sam had just made his morning run and was entering the motel room to shower. "It's Lisa. Your anti hex bags didn't work. She dreamed my memories of Carthage."

"Is she ok?" Alta heard Sam's question and sat up in bed glancing over at him, a question on her face.

"No, man. She's major upset. We got to figure this out; I can't let this go on. Whatever it is we got to stop it."

Sam filled Alta in. "Lisa had a dream of Dean's memories of the battle at Carthage. I'm sorry, we need to go back and fix this. Then we can come back and visit with the Campbell's." He waited for her reaction.

"Of course. Is she ok?"

"I don't think so." Sam put the phone back to his ear. "We're on the way. We're about eight hours out."

…

_**TBC**_

_**Sorry for the delay. Real life is catching up with a vengeance, so I hope to be posting at least every two weeks, more if time permits. As always I hope that you enjoy the story. I plan to get Sam and Dean out hunting whatever is hurting their women and yes… there will be a wedding coming up. Not sure how traditional Alta will want to be, but it will get the Campbell's and the Winchesters together for something other than a battle. It might not be pretty… considering how Sam is feeling now.**_

_**Please take a moment and comment. It helps to know what you think. **_

_**Thanks to you, my special friends who always comment. You make my day and keep the story of Sam and Alta alive. Thanks to all who alert and favorite this story. So glad that you are enjoying it.**_


	43. Chapter 43

_**Family Secrets: Part three – Old Haunts/New Beginnings**_ – chapter 3

**Happy Thanksgiving.**

I hope you enjoy this rather long chapter. I had a little more down time than I expected and the story just seemed to keep rolling out of my head quicker than usual. So I'm publishing a lot sooner than I thought. It seems every time I think I'm tapped out these characters keep throwing the story at me.

_**It don't matter if you're rich**_

_**It don't make no difference if you're poor**_

_**Simple things in life can make you mad to the core**_

_**It doesn't matter if you're young**_

_**Don't make no difference if you're old**_

_**You got to stand a little rain**_

_**Before you reach a pot of gold**_

…

_**Everybody gets the blues**_

_**Everybody got to cry**_

_**Take the good with the bad**_

_**Take the lows and the high**_

_**Well you work and you worry**_

_**Spend your life paying dues**_

_**Everybody has a hard time sometime**_

_**Everybody gets the blues**_

…

_**Ain't no different for a woman**_

_**Than it is for a man**_

_**Everybody goes dancing**_

_**Everybody pays the band**_

_**Everybody got to take**_

_**Everybody got to give**_

_**Everybody got to eat**_

_**Everybody got to live**_

…

_**Don't matter if you're fat**_

_**Don't matter if you're thin**_

_**Everybody got to lose**_

_**Everybody got to win**_

_**Don't matter if you're black**_

_**Don't matter if you're white**_

_**You know you got to get it wrong**_

_**To have a chance to make it right**_

…

_**Everybody gets the blues**_

_**Everybody got to cry**_

_**Take the good with the bad**_

_**Take the lows and the high**_

_**Well you work and you worry**_

_**Spend your life paying dues**_

_**Everybody has a hard time sometime**_

_**Everybody gets the blues**_

_Everybody Gets the Blues – Kenny Wayne Shepherd_

It had been centuries since he'd been on earth. He missed all but the last stages of the machine age. The humans had made their way into the electronic age. He wasn't sure he liked it... everything at your fingertips... all knowledge available for all the people. And yet... most people lived in blissful ignorance. They had no idea who..._ what_ walked among them.

He'd watched. You could do that from Hell if you knew how to work the system; if you knew who held the power and how to please them. He learned fast and he got favors but it was still a long haul out of Hell. The Renaissance was one age he enjoyed watching. He would have loved to have worn Leonardo for a meat suit but he was a long way from being free at the time and the genius lived to a ripe old age unlike the Medici's. Most all of them were ridden to madness by demons but Leonardo managed to make a pact with them to keep himself safe.

His next favorite time was the late nineteenth, early twentieth century; the Golden Age, the time of the 'Robber Barons'; the Captions of Industry, filthy rich and almost as powerful as the Medici's. He wanted one of the Vanderbilt's or Carnegie for a meat suit. He was not yet able to escape the bounds of Hell then but he was close and he bided his time.

This wasn't the Renaissance or the Golden Age but it seemed like a good enough time to begin working his magic again. He made his way from Carthage wearing a High School history teacher. He changed in Omaha to the Highway Patrol officer who stopped him for speeding. When he reached South Dakota he changed his meat suit once again to a man he found hunting. He needed someone rugged and acquainted with the outdoors. By the time he reached Sioux Falls he had acquired a wealth of contemporary human knowledge.

The Winchesters had been his target all along. They were hunters and they had suppressed and hidden memories that were so horrible they were downright delicious. He was drawn to the memories these two had the moment he finally crawled his way out of Hell. The first scent of earth that filled his nostrils was the painful memories of these survivors of Hell, these tortured souls. These memories would nourish him; make him strong… strong enough to move on the next Leonardo or the present day Carnegie. The Winchesters were just a stop along the way… a very necessary one.

The hex bags had made it easier and he was going to have to do something about that cat but it wouldn't keep him from working his magic. Neither would the hex bags Sam Winchester had made. He had to admit the magic Sam used was pretty old but not nearly as old as his and nowhere near as powerful. It hid them, but he already knew where to find them. He would just have to be closer to work his magic.

... ... ...

"I'm going to check on Lisa." Sam handed Alta the keys to the Charger. His eyes were unreadable. She was still unsure how it affected him to know about her life with Christian… to know her shame; her weakness. She didn't know how he felt… what would become of them since her refusal to marry him? He'd been quiet… focused… hard… first on getting the truth out of her, now on this hunt.

"I'll stay here. I'm sure Bobby and Dean could use some help on the research." Ben cleared his throat. "And Ben, of course." He glanced at his nephew. "There's just getting to be so many of us."

Bobby nodded looking up from the pile of books on his desk. His fingers eased under the edge of his hat as he scratched his head. "Yea, well it'll take all of us looking." He sighed. "There must be something in the lore that fits what we're looking for. We're gonna have to dig pretty deep."

… … …

Alta eased quietly into Lisa's studio. Lisa's back was to her but she was facing a mirror so she saw Alta, knew she was there. Her long lean body reflected as she moved through the graceful stretching movements of Yoga. Alta was always impressed with Lisa's grace. There was no doubt she was beautiful. Alta thought Lisa was the perfect, feminine example of a woman; strong but graceful, wise but innately innocent. She hoped that Lisa would weather this storm and not be changed, knowing just how much these dreams could affect Lisa. The harsh reality of hunting, of battle was not something she wanted Lisa to know. She wanted her friend to be the same sweet person she'd met at GrayStone. She didn't want Lisa to be hard… like she was. She didn't want her friend to know just how hard she had to be.

Alta waited and watched for Lisa to finish. When she wrapped up her routine she grabbed a towel and threw it around her neck. Holding on to the ends of the towel she approached Alta and stopped in front of her. Lisa's smile was weak not at all the loving genuine smile that Alta was used to seeing on her friend and it never even came close to reaching her eyes.

"I was worried about you." Alta was hesitant. Lisa didn't answer. She just waited, her eyes searching Alta. She wondered if this really was the same woman she thought of as a friend, the same woman in her dreams. Could she really be that brutal? "Lisa?" Alta was hurt by Lisa's expression and for the first time she felt uncomfortable in Lisa's presence. "I came to see if you wanted to talk." Lisa's expression changed to a question, as if she wondered why Alta would care. "I've dreamed some of Sam's memories. I know how it can feel and I wanted to help."

"You were in my dreams." Lisa's eyes finally softened and tears appeared. "I thought I wanted to be like you…" She dragged in a ragged breath. "Strong and brave but… in my dream… you were… brutal."

Alta didn't know that Lisa had seen her. Seen her in battle, fighting. She felt as if she was exposed, naked. "You knew I'm a hunter."

"Yes, but I didn't know… not really." Lisa fought hard to hold back her tears.

"Lisa, let's go into your office." Alta gently nudged her into the office and closed the door. The last thing she needed was for people to come in and see her in this state.

"I've finished all my classes for today." Lisa flopped into her office chair and Alta leaned on the desk in front of her. "It wasn't easy to keep focused but…" She let out a helpless little laugh. "I think it actually helped, you know… to have something else to focus on." She looked up at Alta. "How can you… be… how can any of you?" Lisa couldn't put her thoughts into words but Alta got the message.

"Be what?" Her voice was soft, probing but not judgmental. "Brutal? Disgusting? Evil?" Alta lowered her eyes. "Is that what you saw?"

"Yes." Lisa whispered. "No… not evil… but bloody… things I wouldn't have been able to imagine."

"So yes on the brutal and disgusting?" Alta met Lisa's soft brown eyes. "It is brutal and disgusting but what we do is important. All those demons? Every one of them would have killed dozens of people just for the fun of it. And they looked human but they aren't. Those humans were all already dead, Lisa. Demons can possess living people but mostly they possess dead bodies." She sighed. "I don't know how to explain it to you… I'm sorry you had to see it."

Lisa gazed into Alta's green eyes. She didn't understand the pain she saw there. "You must think I'm a silly thing… frightened and helpless."

"No." Alta leaned forward and placed her hand on Lisa's. "I don't think you're silly. I wish I could be like you. I think you're strong and graceful and…" She pulled Lisa to stand in front of her. "I love you. You're my friend and I don't have many…" Alta's eyes began to redden with tears. She never cared much that she didn't have a lot of friends and she couldn't figure out what it was about Lisa that made her friendship so important. "I don't want to lose you."

Lisa pulled her into a hug and the two women embraced and cried together.

… … …

Sam gazed at the contents of the hex bag Dean found in the basement of his house. "Same contents… exactly the same." He wondered why the hex bags he'd made didn't protect them. Dean looked absently from the book he was reading.

"Dream Weaver." Bobby had pulled one of his old books from the shelf and was leafing his way through it.

"Dream Weaver?" Dean turned to look at him. "Like the '70s song?" He sang a few bars. "I believe you can help me through the ni-ght."

Sam and Bobby just looked at him. _Seriously?_

Dean rolled his eyes. _No sense of musical history whatsoever_.

Ben giggled.

"Well there's Native American lore of Dream Weavers from very ancient times, some of the Anasazi lore." Bobby went back to the book, running his hand across the words. "But there's also Celtic lore of Dream Weavers. When lore crosses two such isolated cultures as these, I gotta believe there's fact behind it."

"Makes sense to me." Sam stepped over to the desk to look over Bobby's shoulder. "What's the lore say?"

"Well, ain't nothing like the song." He smirked at Dean. Dean raised his hands and shrugged. "Dream Weavers feed on your darkest memories, the ones you bury and forget 'cause they're too bad to remember and stay sane." Bobby looked at Sam. "They bring them back as dreams and feed on your emotions. They keep digging and feeding until they get all the dirt… or until you go insane and kill yourself."

"They transfer memories from one person to another person's dreams?" Dean questioned.

"That's not what the lore says but apparently this one's found a whole new way to enjoy his supper."

"How do we find it?" Sam asked

"How do we kill the _sonofabitch_?" Dean followed Sam's question quickly.

"Don't know yet." Bobby sighed and turned back to his book. "We'll just have to keep digging."

Ben looked at the older hunters wide eyed. _That's what happened? Alta dreamed Sam's memories and Mom dreamed Dean's? Awesome! _He grabbed another book and began leafing through the pages. He wanted to be the one who found out how to kill it… for Mom.

… … …

"I want you and Ben away from me and anywhere I've been."

"What?" Lisa looked at Dean not sure of his reasons for this strange request.

"We think it's a Dream Weaver that's transferring my memories into your dreams and we're pretty sure that you have to be close to me or possibly close to some place where I've remembered things." Dean was urging her to get packed. "It may take a few days. I'll call you when this is over."

"But..." Lisa protested. "I can't just leave. I have a business to run!"

"Lisa, just get a motel room. Rent a car." Dean was still trying to think of all the bases he needed to cover. "You should be fine at the Studio."

"Dean, stop!" Lisa pulled on Dean's arm to make him face her. "Am I going to run away every time there's a threat? I'm not safe in my own home?"

"Lisa, please." Dean's eyes soften and he pleaded with her. "We can talk about this when we get it straightened out; when we have time."

"He's right Mom." Ben chimed in. "We need to get you to safety."

Lisa looked at her son, one eyebrow cocked. _Who is this child?_ _What's happen to him?_ Her disbelieving eyes moved back to Dean as he spoke.

"What you dreamed was bad enough. Believe me I don't want a single other memory that's floating around in this noggin..." Dean laid two fingers at his temple. "...floating around in your dreams." His green eyes captured her soft brown ones. "I'd rather die."

She began packing and Dean turned to Ben. "You be careful. Watch out for your mother. Keep her safe."

"I will." Ben took his charge seriously. He packed his silver Butterfly along with a sizable iron Bouie that Dean had given him and a long thin silver blade that Bobby had given him. "I wish I had a gun. Just in case." Ben looked at Dean. He could see Dean was considering the option. "I'm good enough. You've taught me well."

"Nice touch." Dean's eyes bored into his son. He knew he was being manipulated but he knew the boy was right and the instincts he was using were those of a natural born hunter. "Alright. Take your pistol. Use silver bullets." He grabbed Ben's arm, holding him tight. "You know this is serious. These are weapons, not toys. Treat them with respect."

Ben knew Dean needed reassurance. "I understand. I'm not playing."

"You call me if you find anything. We need to know how to find it and how to gank it." Dean shoved the laptop into Ben's hands. "I'll call you if we figure out anything."

... ... ...

"No! I am _not _leaving." Alta hands flew up in a gesture that Sam recognized as finality.

"I don't want you to have to deal with my crap. They're my memories and they're bad... worse than you've seen so far. I promise you." Sam's dark eyes bored into her. She knew this Sam. He was the Sam she fallen in love with. Strong, focused, powerful… but hard, cold and soulless. She had seen him surface in every hunt but he had blended so well… she had come to love the Sam he had become, a little softer, more playful. This Sam wasn't playing and this Sam scared her a little. But she knew he would not hurt her and she realized how lonely and empty this Sam could be.

So they faced each other, each one as obstinate as the other. He knew how bad it could get. She feared how bad it would get. She feared that the Dream Weaver would bring up memories of pain that would be more than Sam could go through a second time, memories that he'd buried because he couldn't live with them and she'd rather live with his worse memories than have them kill him.

"I don't want you to see the worst." He breathed a ragged sigh. "I'd rather die." His steel hard, soulless-self slipped.

"I'm not leaving you to deal with this alone." _So if you're not with me... If you leave me... you won't have to see it... _His voice echoed in her mind from so long ago. ..._but I'll still have to go through it and if you're not there to help..._

"There's no possible way I deserve you." His eyes softened and he knew he'd lost this battle. A big part of him was glad. He folded his long arms around her drawing her to him and gazing down into her eyes.

"Yea... Well, you're stuck with me." She smiled as she gazed back at him. She knew she'd won this battle.

... ... ...

Gray eyes watched him as he worked on the wood pile. She had been watching him all morning. She watched as he came out of the house, axe over one shoulder, hat, scarf and coat all in place against the cold morning air. His warm breath fogged against the chill, condensing in the cold air. She watched him pulling out one log after another. His long arms and broad back swung the axe high and split the hard wood into smaller pieces that would fit the wood stove. He methodically stacked each split piece in a pile near the front porch.

It wasn't long before he shed his coat and scarf to attack more logs. Sweat began to soak through under the arms of his shirt and across his back. She watched as his muscles flexed with each swing of the axe. She was content to sit on a log at the edge of the yard, close to the trees so she could disappear quickly if she needed to. But something about this man seemed innately gentle even though he was huge and obviously very strong as humans go. She already decided that he and the woman would be better than the last humans who lived in this house. That's why she led the searching man to the hex bag. She wanted him to find what that evil one had planted.

Suddenly Sam had a feeling of being watched. His hand choked up on the axe getting it into position to throw it if he needed to. He whirled around and locked with the beautiful gray eyes that had been watching him. They both froze waiting to see what the other would do. Finally he let out a laugh and lowered his axe. She ducked her head and scrubbed her cheek against the log. Her whole body followed in a fluid movement flipping her over in such a way that he couldn't help but wonder if she meant to fall off the log or she actually didn't know it would happen. She would never divulge the truth. She righted herself quickly and stared up at him.

She was small but he could tell she wasn't a kitten. She was gray with white paws, a white belly and a white diamond on her chest which she sported proudly as she sat still under his scrutiny. She had a little white smudge on one side of her nose and a fine white line that defined her lips. She didn't appear frightened of him but she didn't move any closer to him either. She just watched him with those piercing gray eyes that made her seem to be studying him.

"You're a pretty thing." He spoke softly. "Where did you come from?" Sam stroked the stubble on his face. She didn't look like a stray. She looked quite healthy, not fat but not starving either. He knew she must be the little cat that had led Dean to the hex bag. "Are you my totem pretty girl?" He cooed at her. She ducked her head and then puffed out her proud little chest all the while maintaining eye contact. He wondered if she knew what he said. "Good time for a break." he nodded back at her and smiled. "I'll see if I can find you something to eat." With that, Sam bounced up the stairs and into the house.

He stood beside Alta as she poured a cup of coffee. He pulled leftover chicken and some milk from the refrigerator. "Hungry?" She asked. "I can scramble some eggs."

"That would be great." He poured some milk in a small bowl. She eyed him with a questioning look. "This is for the cat. She's been watching me chop wood. I thought she might be hungry."

"The cat that helped Dean find the hex bag?"

"I'm pretty sure."

Alta went out with Sam to see the little cat. "You finish chopping." She pulled the chicken and milk from his hands. "I'll feed her." But when they got to the wood pile the cat was gone. "Chop." Said Alta and she put the food and milk on one end of the log where the cat had been sitting and then she sat still on the other end and waited.

It was hard not to get lost in watching Sam chop wood. His broad back and strong arms split the wood efficiently. She almost felt like a pioneer woman watching him and wondered when he ever learned how to do that. Bobby, probably and she could imaging Bobby teaching teenaged Sam and Dean to chop wood so he could stay warm all winter. The thought of a long lanky teen aged Sam made her smile. Sam could feel two pair of eyes watching him now; crystal green ones that gazed steadily at him and gray ones that glanced at him between bites of chicken and sips of milk.

... ... ...

The Dream Weaver crouched low in the night, hidden among the trees. He closed his dark eyes and breathed in the scent of the humans in the little house. He sat silent for hours waiting, listening, watching... making connection with Sam Winchester's memories. He swayed with the power of the emotions in Sam's darkest memories. He probed deep... deeper into the darkness searching for the secret ones... the painful ones... the ones he made himself forget... the ones he had to forget in order to survive.

Sam had built a fire in the woodstove that made the living room warm and cozy. He sat on the sofa next to Alta researching on his iPad and she curled up to him sipping hot tea. She placed the cup on the coffee table and Sam could feel her body begin to relax. He knew when she drifted off to sleep and he shifted so that he curled one arm around her, resting it across her stomach.

Alta drifted in the dark warmth surrounded in a thick velvet fluid. It was warm and she felt the embrace like floating in a womb. She could see tiny shining sparks floating by her, drifting out into the darkness, lost forever in the endless black. They were beautiful, like fireflies or tiny stars. She reached out to capture one in her hand and she heard a desperate cry of pain; a ragged cry and the following groan of breath sucked in through clenched teeth, trembling. She followed the sound... The painful cry rising and falling. It had an odd musical quality... a peculiar rhythm. She felt as if she could dance to this bizarre music.

She walked up behind him; his body... no, not a body... a brightly shining Sam. It was his soul. He knelt, back bent, his head nearly to the floor. The cries were his. The desperate moans of pain came from his lone soul hunched in the darkness, his hands covering the back of his bowed head.

Alta was held frozen, staring at the scene before her, desperately wanting to comfort him. "Sam." As his whispered name fell on his ears a whip fell across his back. A 'cat-o-nine tails'... nine strips of leather each ending with a crystal shard. She watched as his body jerked, a scream of pain torn from his throat, his hands flying out from the force of the blow. She heard the pain filled intake of breath. His hands once again cradled the back of his head as if he could somehow hold himself together.

She stood amidst the shower of shining flakes of his soul that tore from him with the lash of the whip. They flowed around her like a blizzard of glowing snowflakes. She turned and watched as the snowstorm of the pieces of Sam's soul flowed off into oblivion, gone forever.

She sobbed. The whip fell. A harsh wind spattered the tiny sparkling bits of his soul across her face like driving rain. _What happens when he's gone?_ It occurred to her that Sam had lost much of his soul in the cage.

"Yes! Yes... yes... yes." Lucifer's long claws pierced him and lifted up him up like a prize letting him dangle as his razor sharp tongue slid along Sam's body. He writhed in pain. His screams pierced through her soul. And Lucifer sucked down little bits of Sam's soul like he was licking icing off of a spoon.

"No." she whispered and Lucifer's dark horrible face turned to her. His glowing red eyes bored into her. She had never known such fear. A slow smile crept across his face, a cold unbearable grimace of terror.

"Yes. He will never be whole. Part of him will always be mine." He flung Sam's soul into the fire of the deepest pit of Hell and watched him burn. Alta watched him burn screaming in pain… and it never ended. He never died. He was never consumed completely by the flames. He just kept burning and burning until Lucifer retrieved his plaything.

The Dream Weaver drew in a deep breath slowly opening his eyes. He smiled. For now he was sated but it wouldn't last. It was just too good and the deeper he delved into Sam's Hell the better it got. It was time for dessert. He moved toward Dean's house.

Alta woke shaking, the sounds of his painful screams still echoing in her head, burning in her soul. "What? Are you ok?" Sam pulled her closer to him. She couldn't be cold. The room was warm from the woodstove. Actually Sam thought it was hot.

"I'm fine." She sat up and reached for her cup on the coffee table. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"S'ok." He eyed her suspiciously. She was being evasive, he had no doubt. "Alta, did you dream?"

"No." She lied. It occurred to her that he might not even remember all that happened in Hell and even if he did remember, he didn't need her to bring it up for him to go through again every time this happened. "My tea's cold. I think I'll heat it." She jumped up from the sofa and almost ran into the kitchen.

Sam's eyes followed her, a very curious expression on his face. _Something's not right._ He followed after her. Alta put her cup in the microwave to reheat. When the bell rang she took it out and held it up to her lips to take a calming sip. Sam slipped his hands around her waist and bent down to whisper in her ear. She slammed her cup on the counter and pushed back against him so hard she sent him flying backward, stumbling and trying to gain his balance, his arms flailing. Alta's hand flew to her mouth and she bolted toward the bathroom.

Sam finally got his balance and stared after her. _What did I do?_ He heard the bathroom door slam and he ran after her. He knew the reason she ran so fast when he heard her hurl in the toilet. He stood at the door helplessly waiting. She finally stopped heaving and he called to her. "Alta. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" Her voice came back at him through the door. Alta stepped to the sink and threw cold water on her face. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror; at her flushed face. _What's wrong with me?_ She grabbed her tooth paste and brush and began to wash away the foul taste in her mouth. When she opened the door, Sam was still waiting. _"I'm fine!"_ she huffed and moved past him toward the kitchen. "I think I'm just hungry."

"You dreamed didn't you?" Sam followed her. "Was it a Hell memory? The Dream Weaver worked his mojo on you, didn't he?" Sam waited for an answer as Alta opened the refrigerator and stared at its merger contents. "Alta! Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"_No! I'm fine! _I'm gonna eat something!" She slammed the refrigerator door. "Why don't we have any food in this house?"

Sam stared at her dumbfounded. _What the Hell is going on?_

The Dream Weaver sat outside Dean's house. His eyes closed and he breathed deep as he began his search. Nothing… there was nothing here. No Dean Winchester… no one from whom he could dig memories. He began to seethe. _Where is he… where are they?_ The Dream Weaver howled a long low lonely sound that echoed through Sioux Falls and made everyone wonder what could make such a haunting sound.

… … …

"We still don't know how to kill it." Bobby scrubbed his hand across his face. "I can't find anything in the lore. There are rituals about disposing of the victims to entice the Weaver to leave but that seems like too little, too late to me."

"Ok, so we don't exactly know how to track it either." Sam followed Bobby's bad news with more bad news.

"Yea. Basically we don't know _shit!"_ Dean huffed and Sam gave him a look.

_Not helping!_

"Well, we found its hex bags but it's still able to work its magic without them, so why have the hex bags in the first place?" Alta mused. "Because... the hex bags help... work its magic..."

"From a distance?" Ben's voice questioned over Dean's speaker phone.

Bobby gave a thoughtful look. "Which means the weaver has to be close to work its magic without the hex bags."

"I've been thinking that the Dream Weaver lore may be related to the dream catcher customs of Native Americans."

"Very good, Ben." Alta complemented him. She couldn't see it but she knew he was beaming.

"My son's like a Bobby junior!" Dean teased. He could hear Ben's laugh in the phone.

"So... a stake out... at my house?" Sam looked at Alta. "You are still having my memories in your dreams?"

"Yes." He finally caught her lie. No matter he knew it anyway.

"We need to get a dream catcher first. I know plenty of places we can get one." Dean said.

"I don't think it works like that. You need to gather the materials yourself." Ben seemed to have thought this through very well. "Since it's Sam's memories and Alta's dreams both of you need to gather the materials and make the dream catcher."

"And you better have it blessed by a tribal elder." Bobby added. "I know one not far from here."

"I'll send you a site that will give you suggestions for what you need to get and how to make the dream catcher. I hope one of you is crafty." Sam and Alta glanced at each other. Neither of them thought of themselves as crafty and neither had a clue as to whether the other of them was crafty. Ben sent a text to Sam's phone. "You should look in the woods around your house."

... ... ...

Sam and Alta walked down from their back deck and into the woods. It was late afternoon but the day had been clear and sunlight still filtered through the nearly leafless trees. Sam found a long flexible twig and tested it to be sure he could secure it in a three foot circle. He held the ends together while Alta secured it with a leather strip. They continued walking listening to the crunch of the dry leaves and the soft voices of the twittering birds. Alta heard the cry of an Eagle overhead and she looked up through the naked branches to see it circling high above them. She nudged Sam and pointed to the graceful bird.

"An Eagle." He smiled and looked down at her, remembering the dance of the eagles at Lake Andes. "Beautiful." He grasped her hand, lacing his fingers with hers and he pulled her close and gazed into her eyes. "I'm in this for life, Alta." His eyes searched hers. "Are you?"

She let herself be lost in his dark gaze. "Yes."

"Then marry me."

"Yes." Suddenly it felt right. She couldn't remember why she had been afraid. She could face anything with him. They could face anything together. Sam brought a feather from behind his back. It was a large white feather tipped with black, an eagle feather.

"We'll put this on our dream catcher." He smiled. "Maybe our friend up there dropped it for us." He looked up toward the sky.

"It must be a good sign." She smiled.

... ... ...

"Come." The Native woman motioned them to enter her home. "I am Makawee. Wahkan is my father."

"Thank you for helping us." Alta smiled.

"We appreciate your help." Sam added.

"Bobby Singer is a good friend of my father." Makawee was a tall woman, lean and strong. Her olive complexion, high cheek bones and dark eyes were classic Native American. Alta thought she was beautiful. Her black hair fell to her waist bound in long thick braids. She was dressed in traditional regalia; a long buck skin dress with fringe that fell from the sleeves to the floor. The dress was adorned with silver, turquoise, shells and the long fringe that fell from her shoulders to her waist was tipped with metal so that when she moved it sounded like tiny bells.

The three of them sat in her living room as she helped them make their dream catcher. Sam discovered it was not as easy as he thought but Makawee was easygoing. They wrapped the twig Sam had bent into a circle with a long leather strip. That wasn't difficult but tying off the waxed threads to make the center took a lot of patience and help from Makawee. She gave them a handful of turquoise beads and showed them how to weave them into the dream catcher. When they finally completed the inner design, Sam took the end of the wax thread and tied off the eagle feather so that it hung down from the center. Makawee gave Alta another smaller feather.

"You are hunters, like the eagles. You mate for life." Alta tied off the second feather. The dream catcher was seriously lopsided and the pattern in the center uneven and loose in places. Sam held it up and eyed it warily. Makawee caught his hand and brought the dream catcher down placing Alta's hand on the ring beside Sam's. She held them both. "This is good for your first. It will protect you from the demon. It will protect your family. When it is blessed it will have a powerful spirit." She gave Sam a wry smile. "If you want perfection, you must practice." She looked at his face then reached up to touch his cheek. He had a strong face, a noble nose, dark eyes that focused fiercely on the task at hand. "You are the eagle. It is your totem." She looked at Alta, gently touching her face, gazing at her green eyes. "You will have to search for your totem. I can't tell."

After completing the dream catcher Makawee led Sam and Alta into her back yard where her father Wakan was sitting with Bobby. Wakan was very interested in Bobby's recounting of the Dream Weaver. When they came to the pair of elders Makawee greeted her father and then greeted Bobby.

"Father, this is Sam and Alta." She smiled back at them. "This is my father, Wakan. He will bless your dream catcher." Wakan, like Makawee was dressed in traditional regalia. Long buckskin pants with fringe down the sides. His shirt had long fringe that fell from the sleeves to his waist, similar to Makawee's it was also adorned with silver and turquoise. He wore his long gray hair in braids. He had three eagle feathers, two pointed upward from one braid and the third pointed down from the other braid.

"Bobby told me about your trials... that you are both hunters... warriors who battle with evil and you seek to kill the Dream Weaver demon." He looked each of them in the eye. "I have never known of a Dream Weaver in my time. But my people believe in the dream catcher."

He turned to a large circle of stones. In the center was a large stone, with four paths leading from the edge of the circle to the center, one path for each direction. Wakan took a bundle of sage and lit the end of it in the fire. "Before you enter the medicine wheel you must be purified." He held the smoldering sage in one hand and he motioned Bobby to stand before him. Fanning the smoke with Hawk feathers across his body he touched Bobby's head, his mind with the feathers and continuing to fan the smoke he moved down touching Bobby's chest, his heart. Bobby stood reverently as Wakan moved down the hunter's body fanning the smoke from head to toe. He moved around to Bobby's back and continued the process of 'smudging'... purifying him. When he finished he motioned for Sam to stand before him.

As he repeated the process of purification on Sam he began to explain. *****"We will enter the circle from the west, the time of Fall... the time of the setting sun - twilight. The daylight fades and brings a new awareness in this time of gradual change. When the darkness comes we must look inward to find the light and have courage. To understand what we see in the darkness may not be real but only shadows. This is the emotional part of ourselves, like the flowing water we must learn to go with the flow of life."

When he had finished 'smudging' Sam, Wakan motioned for Alta to stand before him. As he began the purification process with her he continued to explain. *****"The time of the West is when we learn that we are responsible to all things and to each other. It is the time to prepare, to finish things for the time of Winter is coming. We gather ourselves and family, working together to prepare for what is to come. As the place of emotions it is the place of family and love - of responsibility from our hearts because of the love. It is hard work and takes team efforts."

Once they had been purified, Makawee followed her father beating a hand drum in the rhythm of a heartbeat. He led them three times around the outside of the circle. The rhythm of the drum and the bell like sounds of Makawee's regalia as she moved along with Wakan's chanting brought all three of the hunters into the rhythm of the slow dance circling the Medicine Wheel. They entered from the western path carrying the dream catcher. All but Makawee who continued to dance slowly around the circle softly drumming, her bells continuing to gently ring out into the clear afternoon. Wakan took the sage and as he chanted he covered the dream catcher with the sacred smoke.

At first they were quiet on the ride home, each savoring the ritual and the special feelings that came from the experience. It was Sam who broke the silence.

"Bobby… how is it you know Makawee and Wakan?"

Bobby smiled. "What you don't know about me could fill a book."

"Yea, I see that."

"Well, Makawee is a professor of Native American studies at Sioux Falls University. She has a PhD in History. I met her at the library. Sometimes she helps me with research. And she introduced me to her father. He's an electrician." Bobby grinned at the looks on the two younger hunters faces. "They're both tribal elders." He shrugged. "They live with each foot in two totally different worlds." His face became thoughtful. "But, you know the power of ritual. And natives are sticklers for ritual."

"Let's hope this works." Alta voiced all their thoughts.

... ... ...

The Dream Weaver silently made his way through the woods. He'd shed his most recent meat suit, content to remain hidden among the trees and the underbrush. His dark form blended in the shadows as he made his way toward the Winchester house. He liked this one because it was easy to get to. The trees nestled close to the house.

His large body was dark and muscular, his movements graceful, stealthy. People would mistake him for a panther but he was much more dangerous, much more powerful. His sharp black claws were sheathed in his padded paws. His long whiskers sensed the world around him... little scurrying creatures were no worry to him nor was the large eagle that soared high above in the low afternoon sun. He was too big to be a meal for the bird. It would not attack him and if it did he was infinitely stronger so he gave it no mind.

It was the feel of her gray eyes watching him that caught his interest and made him pause on his journey through the wood toward Sam Winchester and the dark, delicious memories buried deep in his ragged soul. The Dream Weaver took in a deep breath, catching the little cat's scent. His dark tongue slid across his bottom lip catching the taste of her in the air. _What a brazen little thing she is!_ His eyes cut to the right. She was behind him. She was close, too close for her safety. _Foolish little thing!_ He consumed the emotions of nightmares but he was not above a small appetizer and this little cat deserved to be eaten. She'd already worked against him once and her bravery would taste bitter sweet.

The little gray cat knew when he became aware of her. She sensed his movements, felt his strong muscles tense. She knew he was ready to pounce. She would never survive a battle with this giant. She played a dangerous game. But she was quick and her plan was to distract and to warn so she quickly scurried up a tree and out onto a long small limb. The Dream Weaver leapt up into the tree behind her, his head low and menacing, he stalked the cornered the little cat. She fluffed out her fur in an instinctive effort to look bigger. It didn't help. Her eyes narrowed, she bared her teeth and let out a loud yowl that was meant to be threatening. It didn't help either. The Dream Weaver smiled and growled low and soft in his throat. It was as close to a laugh as he could manage. _Stupid little thing! _He crouched, prepared to pounce.

The loud cry of the eagle pierced the air as he dived toward the standoff attracted by the loud yowl. The large black one was too big for him but the little gray one he could manage quite well. His talons grabbed her just as the Dream Weaver pounced and landed on the small end of the limb, breaking it and crashing back to the ground without his prize. He snarled as he looked up and watched the eagle's wings flapping as he lifted back up into the last light of the day. It was the eagle that took the prize this time.

Sam heard the little cat's cry and the piercing call of the eagle. Something in his soul burned white hot. The Dream Weaver was near. He pulled Alta close to him and waited. "Sam." She whispered and her eyes began to fill with tears. The lump in her throat made it hard to breath. "The cat?" She voiced what he knew.

"Shhh…" Sam's dark eyes held steady. No time for that now… it was an honorable death he told himself. His instincts told him that she knew how to hide; she knew how to keep safe from the terrors of the night, supernatural or not. She had done this… to warn them. He silently thanked the little cat.

Dean's body tensed when he heard the warning and he hoped not but he knew in his heart it was the little gray cat whose cry he heard. His eyes narrowed, a small silent sigh escaped the slight tremble of his lips and he shot a look at Bobby.

Bobby crouched near Dean, machete in hand looking in the direction of the cries, listening for the movements of the Dream Weaver. They saw him in the trees sitting just outside the bedroom window, sitting tall on his haunches. He would be invisible to them but for the slight swaying of his body as he began to reach into the bedroom his mind searching for the memories. But he couldn't find them. He couldn't reach them. He might have given up and moved on to another but these memories were too dark, too rich to resist.

The Dream Weaver eased toward the window, moving like a shadow passing in the dark. Neither Dean nor Bobby dared to move... not a muscle. They barely breathed watching the dark shadow slithering into the window.

They were there, silent, sleeping. The Dream Weaver cocked his confused head. He took just a couple of steps toward the bed before his instincts kicked in. _It's a trap… somehow…_ He didn't have a chance to turn before Sam leapt from the bed, the dream catcher held out before him like a shield. Alta moved quickly, coming up beside him. She held her machete high waiting to be in range to slash him.

The Dream Weaver was fast, recognizing the dream catcher and feeling the special power of it he knew too late the reason he couldn't find the dreams. But he knew he was faster and stronger than the weak humans. He turned and leapt out the window to make his getaway.

Dean was waiting. The colt was cocked and ready and as the Dream Weaver's long lean body arched passed him, he fired watching the bullet hit its mark. A head shot. The Dream Weaver dropped. The colt had done its job. The Dream Weaver would not bring up the darkest of Sam's memories of Hell. He would never reveal those memories buried deep in the pit of Sam's ragged soul and he would never realize his own dreams of power.

… … …

"Where's the dream catcher?" Sam came out of the bedroom freshly showered and dressed in a black suit with a bright blue silk tie that Alta gave him because it made his eyes seem dark blue. Alta was dressed in that little black dress he loved so much and she wore so well. He had given her a simple diamond necklace on a thin white gold chain that fell perfectly just below her collar bone.

"I moved it to the spare bed room."

"Why, I kinda liked having it in our bedroom." He watched as she evaded his look. "What?" He pulled her coat out of the closet and held it out for her. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing… it just reminds me…" She shook her head and shoved a bottle of wine in his hand before she stuffed her arms into the coat he held for her.

"What? Of the cat?" Sam was truly surprised. "Alta, it's been a week. I'm sorry about the cat too, but I've never known you to be so emotional. What's gotten into you lately?"

"Come on. Lisa's expecting us at 7:30." She turned away from him. "We'll be late."

Sam opened the front door for her and they both stood frozen in the doorway. There on the porch sat the little gray cat, the white diamond on her chest puffed out, her gray eyes half closed and she purred as she ducked her head then smiled up at them. Alta reached down to pick her up and Sam reached to pick up the eagle feather that lay at her side.

"Oh…" Alta's voice caught in her throat and as she stroked the little cat's soft fur, Sam went to the kitchen rummaging in the refrigerator to get her something to eat. Alta brought her into the kitchen where Sam put down some left over steak and a bowl of milk. "I think this little cat is my totem." Alta scratched under the little cat's neck and got an extra head scrub across her cheek.

"We need to stop by the store on the way home and get some cat food." Sam watched Alta as she placed the little cat on the floor. If it made her happy he was all for it. "Maybe we should name her."

"Of course we should." Alta pulled on his arm. "Come on, we're gonna be late now for sure."

_**TBC **_

_**I would welcome suggestions for a name for Sam and Alta's cat. I hope you didn't mind me having some fun with the little gray cat. Honestly you didn't think I would actually let her be eaten by the eagle! Please… I'm kinda dark… but I'm not that sick! She is one of my own whose name is 7.1, a story in itself. I will probably not use her in future chapters although she may peep out one or twice. She's shy and usually hides when company comes. But I think they need to name her.**_

_**You can also make suggestions for songs (or poems) you think might fit the story. I can't guarantee I'll use them but I started the tradition before I had any idea how long the story would go and honestly sometimes it get a little tough to find something that I like and that fits. **_

_**Coming soon: The three Angels, Tabris, Zagzagel and Castiel will be back again and Sam and Alta will be getting married. The Campbell's and the Winchester's will be getting together for Alta's 'Big Fat Supernatural Wedding' and there will be some new unexpected angst… just when you thought Sam and Alta had it all together. More Dean & Lisa and a guest appearance by Kat again… somebody needs a doctor.**_

_***The words explaining West on the Medicine Wheel are not mine. Credit goes to .net. (well FF won't let me give proper credit... I googled Medicine Wheel to make sure I got it right.) I hope you liked my venture into Native American spirituality.**_

_**As always, please comment so I know what you think. Thanks to all of you who are following the story with alerts and favorites. If you haven't commented yet, I challenge you to make a statement… Hopefully it will be a good one but **__**positive**__** criticism will only help me get better.  
><strong>_


	44. Chapter 44

_**Family Secrets: Part three – **__Chapter 4_

_*****__Thanks to all who suggested a name for the little gray cat. Thank you to 'deb167' who suggested __**Chikala**__ the Lakota Sioux name for 'Little one'._

…

_**Broken lines, broken strings**_

_**Broken threads, broken springs,**_

_**Broken idols, broken heads,**_

_**People sleeping in broken beds.**_

_**Ain't no use jiving,**_

_**Ain't no use joking,**_

_**Everything is broken.**_

_**.**_

_**Broken bottles, broken plates,**_

_**Broken switches, broken gates,**_

_**Broken dishes, broken parts,**_

_**Streets are filled with broken hearts.**_

_**Broken words never meant to be spoken,**_

_**Everything is broken.**_

_**Seems like every time you stop and turn around**_

_**Something else just hit the ground**_

_**.**_

_**Broken cutters, broken saws,**_

_**Broken buckles, broken laws,**_

_**Broken bodies, broken bones,**_

_**Broken voices on broken phones**_

_**Take a deep breath; feel like you're chokin',**_

_**Everything is broken.**_

_**Every time you leave and go off someplace**_

_**Things fall to pieces in my face**_

_**.**_

_**Broken hands on broken ploughs,**_

_**Broken treaties, broken vows,**_

_**Broken pipes, broken tools,**_

_**People bending broken rules.**_

_**Hound dog howling, bull frog croaking,**_

_**Everything is broken.**_

_Kenny Wayne Sheppard – Everything is Broken_

_Songwriter – Bob Dylan_

…

"You said we'd talk about this when you got this Dream Weaver thing taken care of and apparently you've done that, so how about we talk now." Lisa poured him a cup of coffee and set it on the table indicating that he should sit.

Dean gave a heavy sigh. It was early. Early, considering he had been out hunting, killing and disposing of a Dream Weaver last night. After that he'd gone back to Bobby's and had a drink... or twelve, best he could remember. It had gotten to be a habit. Now his eyes burned from the bright morning light. He felt as if his brain was banging against his skull to the rhythm of war drums. And his mouth had lost any ability to produce spit.

"Now?" Dean winced at her through one eye as the other refused to open in the bright morning light of Lisa's _oh so bright and cheery_ kitchen. He picked up the coffee and took a sip of the hot black liquid. Unsure that any coffee actually made it to his stomach, his mouth was so dry; all the liquid got sucked up before he could swallow. But it helped. He smacked his lips and took another sip. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to try to explain all this to Lisa and keep it simple, to keep hiding the horrors of the job from her. The more she knew… _really knew_, the dirtier… the more like a monster he felt.

Dean knew Lisa was unhappy. He was unhappy. They _had _a life. They _had _friends and cookouts, parties and family nights, like normal people. She was good at that and because if her, he was good at normal too. At the least she helped him make up the difference. She showed him how to_ be_ normal… and enjoy it. He missed the way they were. He knew it was his fault because he was a hunter. And… he was leading Ben down the same path, something he promised himself he'd never do. _How did things get so screwed up? _Dean ran a hand through his hair. _Whatever. It's on me. I screwed it up. _"Lisa, it was a long hard night."

"Yes, I get that." She pointed to the chair again. This time one eyebrow was raised and Dean noticed that she was giving him the same look she gave Ben; the one that said: _We're going to talk about what you did._ Dean immediately responded and sat. She thought he looked just like a guilty Ben and it wasn't cute. She wanted to be having this discussion with a grown, sober and rational Dean. She didn't think this was what she was going to get.

"Now is not the best time for this, Lisa."

"When, Dean?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know!" He spat back at her, saw the hurt on her face. He knew he was being hurtful but he couldn't stop himself. He was hurting and he didn't need her heaping more guilt on top of what he already felt. "When the world is a better place! When there aren't demons out to kill us!" Dean threw his hands up as he railed at her.

"Ok." Lisa's voice was deadly calm. The Dean she'd finally made a life with… the Dean who enjoyed being with his family… who enjoyed having fun with friends… talked to her… loved her… was not here. "I'll make this easier for both of us." She locked eyes with him. Her face was hard. _So not like Lisa_, Dean thought. Her soft brown eyes had changed to cold and dark. This was not easy for her but she steeled herself to deliver the killing blow. "This isn't working for me and I need you to leave."

… … …

"Welcome." Makawee met them at her front door. "It's good to see you." She motioned them into the house.

"Thanks, it's good to see you too." Alta slipped in first smiling at Makawee as she passed and Sam followed her in. "We wanted to thank you again for your help with the dream catcher." Makawee stretched out her arms and welcomed Alta into a warm hug, planting a soft kiss on her cheek.

Sam walked over to Wahkan who was sitting by the fireplace. He was not in regalia as he had been the last time they saw him. Now he wore his work clothes; jeans, a tee shirt with a flannel shirt over it and his long gray braids fell out from his ball cap. He looked like a native version of Bobby. Makawee too looked different in her black jeans and turtle neck knit shirt. Sam stretched out his hand to the elder and they clasped in a firm shake. "I wanted to tell you all that happened with the Dream Weaver."

"You killed the demon?" Wahkan asked.

"We did, with the help of the dream catcher."

Between Sam and Alta they told the whole story of that night. Wahkan asked many questions about the Dream Weaver… what it looked like… how it sounded. And he was very interested in the colt. He asked Sam to tell him the whole story of the colt and Samuel Colt. He listened intently and Sam knew he was committing every detail to memory.

Makawee was intrigued by the little cat and she asked many questions about her as Alta told her all she knew of her. "I think she might be my totem." Alta told her. Makawee looked thoughtful.

"A person may have many totems throughout a lifetime. I think if you feel it, then the cat is your totem. Certainly in this story, the eagle and the cat worked together to help you against the Dream Weaver demon." She gazed at the two warriors for a moment then clapped her hands. "What a wonderful story. You are both very brave." She looked at Sam. "Wanbli." Her dark eyes were piercing. "It means eagle."

"Wakinyan!" Wahkan spoke as he fixed Sam with a proud smile.

"Yes." Makawee smiled in agreement. "It means thunderbird. We'll call you Wakinyan." She turned to Alta. Her eyes searched deep as she thought. "Ozuye Chikala; little warrior." Alta liked the sound of it.

"Ozuye Chikala." She repeated and like the feel of it in her mouth.

"We've been looking for a name for our little cat." Alta said. "Can I share my name with my totem?"

"Of course." Makawee laughed. "It is a perfect name for both of you. You can call her Chikala. It means little one." Alta smiled at Sam.

"We're getting married soon." Sam looked at Wahkan. "And we'd like you to bless our house." Sam had decided that the Native American ritual of purification had more power than the hex bags Ruby had taught him to make and it just seemed cleaner. He didn't want to taint anything in his new life with Alta with such a dark part of his past but he knew the supernatural well enough not to go without protection.

"It would be a great honor." Wahkan smiled at Sam. He was obviously pleased with this new friendship. This man was young but he was a slayer of demons and had survived Hell without becoming evil. Wahkan sensed the dark secret in Sam and he could feel the raggedness of his soul but he also sensed that this man was not evil, but inherently good and he had earned the right to be Wakinyan just as his woman had earned the right to be Ozuye Chikala.

… … …

"Hey Dean." Sam looked around the garage. "Looks good in here." Bobby had given Dean one of several buildings at the Salvage Yard to use for his car restoration business. Dean had cleaned out all the old junk Bobby accumulated in the space over the years. He cleaned and painted, added an old refrigerator, some chairs and a coffee table. "Nice place to work."

"Yea, it'll do." Dean had a good idea why Sam was here but he waited for Sam to bring it up. "Beer?" Dean opened the frig and offered Sam a bottle.

"Thanks." Sam took the beer, twisted the cap off and tossed it into the trash. He gave his brother an uncomfortable smile that told Dean he was wrestling with what to say. He took a little sip and began toying with the label on the neck of the bottle. "I heard you left Lisa."

"She asked me to leave." Dean's face was hard; his eyes drawn in an angry glower. "She's not cut out to be with a hunter." He leaned against his latest restoration. "It's not like you and Alta. Alta understands and she doesn't expect you to just… forget and pretend life's fun… that there's not _crap_ demons and _dick_ Angels and _friggin_ Dream Weavers.

"Lisa loves you Dean." Sam's answer was simple but it was true. "And you love her."

"That don't help when the demons threaten to tear the family apart." Dean took a long draw on his beer. "It don't help when you come home from a hunt tired and raw and … contaminated."

"I shouldn't have dragged you back in." Sam gazed at his brother and regretted being the reason Dean was hunting again. But he knew he wouldn't be alive if not for Dean and Alta and Bobby.

"Why not? I dragged you back in." Dean's face was bitter as he raised his beer in a mock toast.

"No. No you didn't. Azazel dragged me back in. I would have been pulled back with or without you." Sam stared at his brother. His look was earnest. In his heart, Sam knew that his fate had been set from the time he was six months old, from the time Azazel bled into his mouth and infused him with demon blood. "It was Azazel's plan, not yours and if I hadn't gone back with you it would have been so much worse."

"Yea. Well, that don't change anything about me and Lisa." Dean pushed off the car and walked over to flop into one of the chairs. He gazed up into the high ceiling. "I think I'm gonna build a loft in here. Get out of Bobby's hair. Kinda make it my own place."

"Dean." There wasn't much he could say but he had to try.

"She made it clear, Sam. _She_ asked _me _to leave." Dean sighed. "It's better for her this way."

"I'm not so sure, Dean." Sam persisted. "You dragged her out here to the ass end of nowhere. You separated her from her family and friends. Now you're gonna leave her totally alone?"

"Sam!" Dean's voice was deep and angry. "You're not hearing me. She asked…"

"I hear you, Dean." Sam cut him off. "And I know you. You didn't even try to talk with her about this, did you Dean?"

Dean continued to stare at Sam, his eyes like daggers. Sam was right and Dean knew it.

"It's the Winchester way." Sam threw up his hands and paced away from Dean, turning his back on his brother's angry stare. "Shove those feelings down and ignore them. It's better to lose her than to deal with your feelings. Better to be alone than open up to her." Sam turned back to face his brother. "What about Ben?"

"It's better for both of them without me." Dean's voice was soft. He finally broke the stare with his brother, hanging his head and wiping his hand across his forehead.

"You can't mean that."

… … …

"You've been getting nauseous a lot, but no fever?" Kat questioned Alta. Alta knew she needed some answers. She was worried that something might be very wrong with her.

"It's not like I'm really nauseous and I don't feel sick. It just comes on so sudden, out of nowhere and I can barely make it to the bathroom before I'm hurling my guts up." Alta shrugged. "And just like that, it's gone and I feel fine." Alta's eyes closed and a soft, tired sigh escaped her lips. "Well, not fine. I'm so… I don't know… moody and tired. I could sleep for a month, I think if I had the time. I feel like I'm falling apart." It was hard for Alta to admit. It sounded so weak.

"Possibly nerves." Kat answered. "Let's run a few tests to see if anything is off balance, some blood work... a urinalysis. It may be a UTI or a bladder infection. No fever though... I'm thinking just nerves. You've been through a great deal lately." Kat did a little of her medical musing aloud.

"No more than any hunter. It comes with the territory."

"Still sometimes it can get a little overwhelming. Even if that's the case, it doesn't mean it's permanent. Could be just a rough spot." Kat's soft brown eyes were calming and she laid a hand on Alta's shoulder. "I have to wonder, though. We need to run a pregnancy test, just to be sure. When was your last period?"

Alta drove back the hour from Lincoln to Sioux Falls hardly hearing the music from the CD she loaded. She didn't even notice when it finished and looped back to start again from the beginning. Her mind was racing in so many directions. How she would tell Sam? She didn't tell him she was going to see Kat. She told him she was teaching classes and hoped he wouldn't have any reason to go by the studio.

Her mood ranged from rage… _The IUD must have become dislodged and expelled_, Kat had told her. _It's rare, but it happens… What kind of crap is that! _Alta raged, pounding her hands on the steering wheel. _What a friggin' joke! _Then she would become tearful. _I don't want a baby. What the hell am I gonna do with a baby?_ Tears streamed down her face. This was so unfair. She'd done everything to protect herself from this. By the time she arrived home she had made up her mind. She knew what she would do.

... ... ...

"Why are you still here?" Bobby was expecting Kat for dinner and he wanted them to have a nice quiet weekend together. "Don't you have a home to go to?"

"I thought I'd make us some dinner." Dean was rummaging around in Bobby's refrigerator. He pulled out a pot of leftover chili and put it on the counter without bothering to look at Bobby. "Chili sound good to you?" Dean turned and found himself facing a freshly showered, shaved and nicely dressed Bobby. "Whoa!" Dean's eyes were wide and he knew there was only one reason for Bobby's carefully manicured state. "Kat's coming." He stated the obvious.

"Yea and we're going out to dinner and possibly a show." Bobby looked at Dean and huffed. "You left Lisa… again." Bobby hesitated, not really expecting an answer. Dean's pained expression said enough. "Moron!" He grumbled under his breath. Dean watched as he rolled his eyes and turned leaving the kitchen. "Well, make yourself scarce if you're gonna be hanging around. I planned to have a nice time with Kat and we don't wanna hear you whine all weekend."

"Damn." While Dean heated a bowl of the chili in the microwave, he grabbed some blankets and a beer then took his supper back out to his garage. "I shoulda got a sofa."

… … …

Alta sat for a moment in the car. She took in a deep breath and steeled herself; glancing in the rearview mirror she thought her eyes weren't too red. She could do this… she could pull this off. She just needed to hold it together, that's all.

She made it up the front steps one at a time, dreading this… this one last night. She took a deep breath before she opened the front door and went into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. The drink was halfway to her lips when she spotted Sam on his knees, hunched over at the back door. _Oh God, what now?_ Alta's gut clenched. "Sam?"

"Hey." He tossed the greeting casually over his shoulder. "Wait right there a minute." Sam stood and with a graceful flourish he indicated the pet door he just finished installing, complete with a little dream catcher hanging above it. "For Chikala. So she can come and go when we're not here." Suddenly his smile faded when he saw the look on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Oh God… Sam… I thought…" Alta shook her head trying to hold back the tears that threatened. _What happened to all that tough determination?_ "I thought something was wrong."

"No." He gave a little laugh, his dimples showing through the late afternoon stubble on his face. His eyes focused on her, clearly confused. "I'm ok, Alta. I promise. Please stop worrying."

"Sorry." She slugged down the whiskey she'd poured for herself and then stared at the empty glass on the counter, her hand still wrapped around it. She swallowed hard. _I can do this_.

"I got something else too." Sam smiled. "I've been shopping all afternoon." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a little box. "I hope you like it…" He handed her the box. When she opened it, two silver wedding bands shined up at her. They were tied together with a red ribbon. Alta swallowed hard and blinked as she lightly ran her fingers over the rings. "I liked the silver. You know… purity and protection." He smiled at her bowed head. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off the rings. "Kinda plain, maybe…" He began to fumble over his words. "We can exchange them, if you want to." He sighed. "I should have gotten you a diamond… we can go tomorrow and you pick…"

"It's perfect." She held up her hand to stop him. "I don't want a diamond." _I don't deserve a diamond… not after… _"Sam, I need a minute." She pushed past him to the bathroom.

Sam stood, box in hand wondering what was wrong. It seemed to him he'd been doing a lot of wondering lately and a lot of staring at the bathroom door. He worried that she was sick again. _I need to get her to see Kat._ But he realized she wasn't sick this time when he heard the shower running.

Alta stood in the shower, the warm water cascading down her body. _How could I be so stupid? _The nausea and vomiting… _morning sickness doesn't happen just in the morning stupid! _She moved her shampoo covered hands down her body, across her sensitive breasts. They stung and tightened with the slightest touch. No wonder; sensitive pregnant nipples. Her hands wandered down to her belly. She was already so far along that she could feel the slight beginnings of a bulge. She wondered that Sam hadn't noticed. More than that, she wondered that she didn't notice. She knew her jeans were getting a little tight in the waist. _I'm so stupid… stupid… stupid! _

She rinsed away the soap, pushing all thoughts of the pregnancy away willing them to go down the drain with the soap. Time enough to think about that tomorrow. If she was going to pull this off, she'd better get her act together. Sam's smart. If she wasn't careful he'd figure it out. If he figured it out, she wouldn't stand a chance.

… … …

Sam woke up to the sound of purring and gentle pawing on his stomach. Without thinking he began stroking Chikala who had settled herself on him sometime during the night. He'd dreamed of Hell again. He could still feel the heat of the smoldering sulfurous fumes. He could still see the light flickering across her glistening skin. And he dreamed of Ruby's betrayal. It cut him deep when he realized she never cared for him, never loved him, and only used him. As he thought about the memories... the dream... He absently stroked the cat and felt her purring vibrate through him. It comforted him. He felt calm. It was getting better. He was able to cope because the memories were just that, memories. They no longer felt so real, he no longer felt he was living through the agony again.

Sam figured he'd slept late because Alta was already up. He sighed and encouraged the cat to get off him so he could pull on his sweats and head out for a morning run. When he passed through the kitchen he wondered why Alta hadn't started coffee. It was usually the first thing she needed in the morning. He wondered where she was. When he opened the door and saw her car gone he felt unease begin to rise from his gut.

He went back through the house looking for any clues. There was nothing… no smells… no sulfur… no indication that she'd been taken. She was upset last night, more than she'd been lately, which was saying a lot. Panic began to rise as he realized whatever was going on, she'd been building up to this for weeks and he could feel it in his gut. _She's run_… whatever has her so upset lately… _she's running… again_. Sam's heart sank. He grabbed his jacket and headed to Bobby's.

… … …

"Did you see Alta this morning?" Sam's voice was desperate. He didn't try to hide how he felt.

"No. I talked to her yesterday afternoon." Kat cautiously answered. Bobby eyed her and then Sam.

"What did you talk about? She was gone when I woke up this morning and she cancelled all her classes for today." Sam was pacing but every time he looked at Kat his eyes were pleading with her. "She's not been herself lately. Something has been going on with her for weeks. Did she say anything to you?"

Kat hesitated. She didn't know where Alta was but she knew what had upset her and she was pretty sure she knew why Alta wanted time to herself.

"Kat, anything you can tell me might be helpful." He tried to encourage Kat to cooperate. "I have to find her. She could be in trouble."

"Sam. She's just thinking some things through." Kat tried to be reassuring. "She'll be back when she's ready."

"You know!" Sam turned to Kat and then to Bobby.

Bobby shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I got nothing."

"Sam." Kat's voice was calm and she tried to instill that calm in Sam. "She came to me for a medical issue and when she's ready to talk about it she'll let you know, I'm sure."

"A medical issue?" Sam exploded all the tension that had been building for hours. "What medical issue?"

"I can't tell you, Sam. I shouldn't have told you anything at all." Kat was not intimidated. "Alta's health is her private business."

"What?" Sam roared. Bobby quickly moved between Kat and Sam.

"I don't wanna hurt you boy, but I will." His hand twitched nervously. His gun was close by and he was judging the distance.

Sam sighed and turned. His eyes were dark and narrow, his lips pressed to a thin line. "What's going on with her?" Sam's voice was deep and soft. "I have to find her. Whatever it is, I _have_ to be with her."

"Give her a little time, Sam. Just wait." Kat hated to be caught in the middle between these two. She cared about them both but Alta had come to her not to be her friend but to be her physician and confidentiality was important.

Sam didn't know what was going on but he knew he had to find her. Kat was not going to help so he left. It was time to hunt. Bobby and Kat watched Sam from the kitchen window as he walked out to the Charger. They watched as Dean came out of the garage and the two brothers got into what looked like a heated discussion.

"I worry about that boy." Bobby sighed. "He's always been a little dark but when he got his soul separated with that jump into the cage, his _dark_ was worse than I'd ever seen."

"That's understandable, don't you think?" Kat gazed at the brothers.

"Yea, but even with his soul back, he can get a lot darker than he ever used to." Bobby watched Sam as he seemed to rage at Dean, his hands flailing as he paced. "And he can just turn on a dime. Sometimes it's hard to see it coming."

"I don't know." Kat turned to Bobby, her soft eyes thoughtful. "Seems to me you get a bit extra crusty when you think I'm threatened." Something in Bobby stirred as he began to lose himself in those endless dark pools. "Granted, he's a little extreme, maybe a little too possessive…" Her voice trailed off as she focused on Bobby and saw the hunger in his eyes.

"Sam." Dean knew Sam's walk. He was pissed and he was on a mission. He recognized his brothers determined sway as his big feet stomped across the yard. "What's wrong?"

Sam stopped at the car door. "Alta's missing. I'm going to search for her."

"I'll go with. You have any clues?"

"No!" Sam turned and squared off at his brother. "You stay here and clean up your own mess."

"What?"

"Look. Alta left me." Sam railed at Dean. All his anger, all his hurt was directed at his brother. "You think it so perfect with us… Alta's just as vulnerable as Lisa. This is just as hard for her… It's not the first time she's run, Dean. It's not easy for her to be with me… to go through all my… crap!"

"What?"

"This is what it is, Dean. Sometimes it sucks!" Sam began pacing, his hands animated and chopping the air, pointing at Dean, illustrating his distress. "It's what you have to do. When she's scared… when she pushes you away… you grab her and hold on tight until she calms down. And when she runs… you go after her… and you find her… and you hang on to the best thing you've ever had… your best hope for happiness… You stay with her… you hold her tight and you help her get through all this…. _this_… _shit!" _

Sam climbed into the Charger and slammed the door. Dean was speechless.

… … …

She didn't recognize this place. It was a large house, a mansion to Alta's mind, very masculine with rich dark wood paneling, large dark brown overstuffed furniture. The drapes were a deep blood red and the pillows on the sofa the same. Balthazar sat on a deep red arm chair, sipping a whisky and smiling at her.

"Welcome to my little corner of Heaven." He nodded to a chair next to him indicating that she should sit. She didn't move.

"I prefer to stand." Her voice held a hint of defiance. She still pictured Balthazar standing over Sam, tied to the cot in Bobby's panic room, and still had the image of Sam begging... She saw Balthazar forcing Sam's soul into him against his will... Even though it had turned out for the best she still didn't trust this Angel.

"Would you like a drink?" Balthazar's smooth smile gave her chills as she watched him swirl the amber liquid in his glass, watching... tempting.

"No."

"Ah. Of course." He nodded. "Not good for the little one." He put his glass down on the table beside his chair, leaned forward and gave her his most intimate face. "The little one you shouldn't have. Did all the right things, didn't you?" She didn't answer. _How does he know?_ He waited for an answer... a reaction from her but she gave him neither.

"Yes..." He sighed. She wouldn't be easy but he could be very persuasive... and very patient. "Well, you know you had this _done to_ you. It wasn't an accident." Her face paled... her eyes widened, just a fraction. _Finally! A reaction from her. Now we're getting somewhere._ "Tabbris." She could hear the manipulative tone in his voice. "Tabbris did this to you." He waited for the surprise on her face to deepen... waited for the flood of questions... waited for her indignant angry cries.

Alta gave him nothing. She hated being manipulated and she could feel it, see it in his eyes, in his patronizing smile. She hated Balthazar since the first moment she saw him. But Balthazar was powerful and he was cunning.

"She eliminated your birth control." He hesitated for effect... Let that little tidbit of truth sink in. "Set you up with a Winchester and made sure the two of you would..." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "...ohm... Shall we say, 'hit it off'?" Her face showed just a hint of question. "You didn't think a soulless man could fall in love, did you?" His grin made her tremble.

"He's not soulless now."

"Not entirely." God, she hated that smug face more and more. She fought to control the rage building in her. "But you know… you've seen it. There are barely a few ragged scraps of his soul left in him." He saw her struggle with the dawning realization that he was right. "I know. I'm the one who gathered up the scraps and shoved them back in him. He doesn't have enough soul left to love. She bound him to you… a little Angel mojo." He picked up his drink and held it up to her in a mock toast. "Put you two in a magical… extra fertile place…" He downed his whisky and smacked his lips. "Let nature… or rather mojo… take its course."

"Why would she do that?" Alta's voice was controlled, as emotionless as she could make it.

"She wants the Winchester's and the Campbell's blood to mingle." He snorted out a little laugh, moving his hands around as if he was stirring up a pot. "For the next generation of hunters; the Campbell's will die out and she plans to make a whole passel of Winchester slash Campbell's... starting with you and Sam."

Alta's mind was trying to take this all in. Somewhere there was something about this that made sense but the anger in her was too hot to let her see anything but how ridiculous she thought this was. Balthazar watched her face, pleased with the rage he saw there. Rage was good... he could work with rage.

"I know what you are thinking you should do about this and I understand. In fact I'm appalled at my sister's behavior, trying to breed you like dogs!" He set her up so easily and now he was closing in to seal the deal. "I can help you. I can make it so no one knows. Not Sam, not Kat... no one. I can erase all memories, once you've taken care of this little issue. You can go back to living your life just the way you planned."

"Fine!" She was red faced with anger, her fists clenched at her sides. _Like dogs… breed you like dogs!_ The words raged through her body like wild fire. "How do I get out of here?"

... ... ...

He knew this place. He stood by the peaceful river, its dark waters flowing slowly by. He knew the feel of this lush grass. He'd felt its cool green between his toes and along his naked body as he lay here with Alta. They made love in this place… in a dream. Sam's eyes searched along the river bank but Alta was not here. Tabbris stood by the river, her long red robe flowed around her in the gentle wind of Heaven. Zagzagel was beside her, his face hidden beneath the hood of his long silver robe.

"Where is Alta?" Sam's voice was deep and soft. He knew he wasn't going to like the answer. Every nerve in his body, every fiber of his being told him this was bad. Alta was in danger.

"Alta is with child." Tabbris cut quickly to the heart. "She will need you more than she ever has. You must keep her and the child safe."

"What?" Sam was stunned. "How do you know? … She didn't want children. We… she had…"

"Sam, human science is a small obstacle for an Angel." Tabbris smiled. She watched as realization dawned on Sam's face. He took a few moments but he finally understood what Tabbris had done.

"You took away her right to choose!" Sam's voice boomed across the riverbank and through the glade. "What gives you the right to play with her like she's your pet?" His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. He glared first at Tabbris then at Zagzagel.

"It is her destiny." Zagzagel spoke softly with authority. His face remained hidden but the glow of his ice blue eyes bore into Sam's. "It is your destiny." Sam flinched at the words. He'd had all the destiny he could take. His whole life played out because of his destiny and he felt it was about time for destiny to be finished with him.

"You and Dean are the patriarchs of the new clan of hunters. Because of your mother and because of Alta both Campbell and Winchester blood will build the next generation of hunters." Tabbris wasted her smile on Sam. "The time of the Campbell's is coming to an end. The time of the Winchester's has come."

"You're the Angel of 'self-determination'!" Sam growled, his eyes blazing at Tabbris. "You hypocrite! How is this self-determination for Alta?" Tabbris didn't respond. Sam heaved a heavy sigh and his own words echoed in his head. _I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want to have children, you don't have to hide it. _He took in a deep breath, puffing out his chest. His stance was one of defiance even though he knew there was nothing he could do to these Angels. "This is all up to Alta." He glared at the powerful beings before him. "I will give her freedom to choose and I'll accept whatever she decides."

… … …

"Castiel has left us." Tabbris gazed at Zagzagel with her soft, dark haunting eyes.

"He follows a strange path for an Angel." Zagzagel wondered how this rogue Angel could possibly fit into God's plans. "He will fail if he sides with Michael and Balthazar."

"I'm not sure that is his plan." Tabbris mused. "I'm not sure he has a plan… very curious this little Angel of Thursday. What an oddity."

"He bears watching."

… … …

"Balthazar, stop this plan of yours." Castiel pleaded with his brother.

"Cas… Cas… Cas…" Balthazar rolled his eyes and reached to place his hand on Castiel's shoulder but Castiel pulled away. "Always… you get too emotional where the Winchesters are concerned. Really, if you are not careful it will be the death of you."

"What are you saying?" Castiel's eyes bore into Balthazar. "You would kill me? Why? To prove your loyalty to Michael?" Castiel sneered at his brother. "He's petty and vindictive. This is wrong and you know it."

"The Winchesters turned God's plan on its ear. They derailed the apocalypse. Upset the entire Cosmos! They should be punished."

"They upset Michael's shining moment of glory." Castiel ground out his accusation. "The Cosmos is fine. And who's to know that this wasn't God's plan all along."

"Michael knows. He's Gods favorite, his first in command."

"Why? Because Michael says so?" Castiel's voice became suddenly pensive. "I'm not so sure. He becomes more like Lucifer with every passing day and you… you're no better than any evil demon crawling out of Hell."

"What?" Balthazar's fiery voice echoed through empty space as he raged at the place where Castiel had been.

… … …

_TBC  
>I know I didn't have many warm fuzzes in this chapter but we are coming into some tough times and all will get better as we move through this. You didn't expect it to be an easy pregnancy did you? But it will be <em>_**so much more**__**worth it**__… in the end.  
><em>_**Please comment. Let me know how you feel.**_


	45. Chapter 45

Family Secrets: Part three – chapter 5

_**Soon a man will kneel to pray**_

_**Soon the light will burn our shade**_

_**And with the sweet the bitter fades**_

_**So take my heart and take your place**_

_**Cause I will be your voice**_

_**And I will be your right**_

_**And I will watch over you like a satellite**_

_**.**_

_**Soon reason will have rhyme**_

_**Soon wisdom will imply**_

_**And with courage doubt subsides**_

_**So take my heart and take my pride**_

_**And I will be your voice**_

_**And I will be your right**_

_**And I will watch over you like a satellite**_

_**And I will be your sword**_

_**And I will be your might**_

_**And I will watch over you like a satellite**_

_**.**_

_**River will flow from scenes unknown**_

_**I'll guide you through by the love I'll show**_

_**And the stars will wish upon the night**_

_**That they could have a guiding satellite**_

_Satellite – Collective Soul_

… … …

Dean Winchester was a black and white kind of guy. He didn't do well with shades of gray. The way Dean functioned was straight from the gut. Dean's inner compass pointed straight north and he didn't easily veer from the path once it was set. He was in many ways the man his father had become after he lost his wife to the fire in Sam's nursery.

The only person who could make Dean deal in shades of gray was Sam. Sam's inner compass had pointed in every direction possible during his 29 years and Dean had gone through every one of them with him. He'd dealt with a whiney, frightened kid who didn't have a mother and desperately wanted and needed attention from a father who was too often absent. There was moody, angry, opinionated Sam who questioned everything and argued every point. But even bitchy Sam was smart and he was a deep thinker. And he had a tender spot. A spot in his soul that loved... and cared... and forgave, unconditionally and that's when Sam first began to make Dean see the shades of gray. Then Sam became the college boy geek whose inner compass pointed far away from family... far away from Dean. When he lost Jess and started hunting with Dean again he was still geeky but Dean had to admit he was clever and it was Sam's ability to function and think in the gray that made him such a good hunter. It made them a great team. Dean hated to even remember when Sam got mixed up with Ruby and his inner compass spun wildly out of control and after that there was 'Robo Sam'; Dean's way of referring to Sam without his soul, when he didn't seem to have an inner compass at all. Dean was loyal to Sam through all this because through it all, to Dean it was black and white... take care of his brother... save Sam... no matter what.

Now, in spite of everything he'd been through and everything that still seemed to be coming down the line, Sam's inner compass was set. Dean wasn't yet sure who this new Sam would be… parts of all of the previous Sam's; still opinionated, still moody, still smart and a deep thinker. But he'd finally found his own black and white… his own north… and that north was centered on Alta and he loved her unconditionally. Dean recognized Sam's determination and he knew Sam was in this for the long haul. _You hang on to the best thing you ever had..._ He knew that Sam was right. She was his best hope for happiness and he smiled to himself._ It's about time, little brother_.

… … …

Sam drove the six hours home in silence; his mind racing as he thought about the events of this day. He had no idea how much Alta knew. Did she know about Tabbris; that it was Tabbris's meddling that had allowed her to get pregnant? Tabbris and Zagzagel played with their lives like toys; as if what they wanted was all that mattered. What Sam and Alta wanted counted for nothing. Once again someone else was controlling his life... deciding his destiny and he hated it. The last time he let someone else control his destiny he'd ended up addicted to demon blood. And look how that ended.

He knew Alta would hate it too. She would be as fierce to decide her own fate as Sam was and he wondered what she would decide. He promised her he would accept whatever she decided but his gut clenched as he thought of the possibilities. The thought that his baby was growing inside her caused a flood of warmth to race through him. And the thought that she might not let it happen... she might choose not to have their baby... filled him with dread. Sam wondered how he could live with that... but he promised her he would accept whatever she decided. His throat burned and his eyes watered. Sam swallowed hard against the knot forming in his throat. He pushed harder on his emotions, forcing them deeper and he pressed harder on the accelerator.

… … …

Alta was only an hour from home and when she pulled in front of the house Sam's car wasn't there. She wondered where he was. She knew _why_ he wasn't there. There was no doubt in her mind that he was searching for her. She had no idea that he knew about the pregnancy and thought he would be wondering why she disappeared. What she didn't expect was Ben waiting on the front porch.

"Ben." Alta made her way up the front steps and unlocked the door. "What are you doing here?"

"They're at it again... Mom and Dean had a fight." Ben was upset and his voice cracked with emotion. "Dean left again. He always leaves."

"I'm sorry, Ben." Alta thought about Lisa. She wanted to go and comfort her friend but here was Ben and he obviously needed comfort too.

"Where's Sam?" Ben asked. "I wanted to talk to him."

"I don't know but I'm sure he'll be home before too long." She put her arm around Ben and pulled him close. Ben had hit a growth spurt in the last few months and he'd gotten taller than Alta. At five foot ten he was a good six or so inches taller than her. "Ben." She smiled at him. "You're practically Sasquatch!" She teased.

"Practically everyone's Sasquatch to you." He teased back.

"Tell you what. Let's go get dinner so we'll have something to eat when Sam gets home."

"Can I stay with you guys for a couple of days?"

Alta's look was pensive. "You call your Mom and while we're out we'll pick up a movie, ok?"

... ... ...

Dean found himself on Lisa's front steps waiting for her to open the door. When she did, she seemed surprised but she quickly hid the little smile that … like an automatic reaction to him… slipped across her lips. "Dean!"

"Hey, Lisa... I..." Suddenly he couldn't find words for what he needed to say to her. ..._clean up your own mess..._ Sam's words prodded him to try. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just... I'm having a hard time..."

"Come in." She stood back and waited for him to pass her before she closed the door and led him into the living room. "Ok... Talk to me, Dean." She sat on the sofa and waited.

"I can do this..." Dean cleared his throat. "I can be the family man; the cook outs... the movie nights... hell I can even do the yard work and mowing... I like it, Lisa. I want it. I want to be a father to Ben and I want to make you happy... But..." He struggled to find the words. "I'm a hunter. And I'll always be a hunter. I can't quit... I can't!" He hated this but he knew it was true. "Because the job... the things out there... demons and monsters... and the _dick _Angels won't let me quit."

"I know." Lisa sighed. "I never asked you to quit hunting. But I can't hunt with you Dean. I'm not like Alta... I have to be who I am too and that's not a hunter."

"I don't want that! It's just... I can't be two different things at the same time. I can't be a normal family man and a hunter. I'm not nice when I'm in hunting mode. I'm angry... and I lash out. It's the way I get through the job I have to do." Dean's eyes shined, a glimmering green that made Lisa want to hold him, to help him through this. "I don't want to hurt you, Lisa. But…"

"What do you want from me, Dean?" He was captivated by her soft eyes, deep brown and searching. Her long dark hair framed her face as she looked at him expecting an answer… an answer he had no idea how to give. His eyes focused on her lips; full and beautiful… just a slight tremble.

Dean Winchester loved women… always had. All of them… in all the different ways they came… tall, short, blond, brunette… they all attracted him. But as he gazed at Lisa, she tore at his heart. She was not a 'take it or leave it thing' for him… not a plaything… not just for fun. He looked at Lisa and his chest hurt, she took his breath away and it terrified him. _Lisa loves you Dean._ Sam's words were simple but they struck Dean deep in his soul. _And you love her. _

"I love you Lisa but… I need you to understand me."

"Sometimes you need time apart." Lisa understood Dean better than he knew.

"Can you give me that?"

"We can try." Dean breathed a gentle sigh as he moved closer to her. He was drawn to her. He knew she was no match for the fierce rage of the hunter but she could calm his soul and as long as she would have him, Dean would always come home to Lisa.

… … …

Sam came into the kitchen to find Alta with Ben. The smell of pizza filled the kitchen and the two of them were smiling, joking and munching. He froze. The scene looked so normal, so casual... _so sweet_. He felt as if he'd dreamed the emotional nightmare he had been living through all day. It was as if she was totally disconnected from the enormous reality of their situation.

Then their eyes met and he knew... it was real. Everything faded and he found himself caught in her gaze. She was all he could see... Her dark auburn hair framed her oval face, her crystal green eyes, and her trembling lips. He gazed at her... this beautiful little woman... _Ozuye Chikala_; little warrior... who held life in her body… his life; her choice...

Alta saw his tormented face. _He knows. Somehow, he knows._ She stood, caught in his hazel eyes and she felt the warmth of his body as he reached out and pulled her to him. "I'm scared." She whispered into his chest. He buried his face in her hair, kissing the top of her head. His big hand covered her cheek, his thumb gently rubbing her temple.

"I'm in this with you for life... no matter what." He whispered to her and wrapped his arm around her holding on tight. "We'll do this together."

Ben watched the two of them and in his heart he wished he could see his parents embrace like that, instead they were breaking up. "Uh...hum..." Ben cleared his throat and Sam collected his thoughts, clearing his head and bringing himself back to the present.

"Ben..." He let Alta go and turned to the table. "Pizza..." Sam cleared his throat. He pushed his emotions back… somewhere in a dark corner. _He needed to act normal now? How could he? How can she be so calm when his whole world teetered on a razor's edge?_ "Good, I'm starving. What's going on?"

"We're having movie night... 'Cone Heads'... The Parental Units are on the fritz." Alta filled Sam in on the situation. "Ben wanted to stay here." Part of her wanted to stick Ben in front of the TV and leave him watching the movie while she and Sam talked but Alta had been with Ben all afternoon and she knew how crushed he was. He needed them.

"Oh... Great movie. I love it." Sam didn't sound very convincing and the look on his face was less than enthusiastic.

Ben grinned and took another bite of pizza. He knew it was not likely one of Sam's favorite movies but he knew that Sam would watch it for him and it made him feel loved.

... ... ...

They started out movie night with Ben lounging in one of the overstuffed chairs and Sam and Alta side by side on the sofa. Alta snuggled up close to him and he laid his arm across her shoulder. He looked down at her as she watched the movie and he couldn't keep his gaze from drifting to her belly. He thought her jeans were definitely a little snug and he felt himself drawn to touch her there... to make connection with the life growing inside her. But he held back not knowing what her decision would be. It was nearly killing him. He wanted to talk about it. He wanted to know how she felt. He needed to know how deeply he had to bury his emotions. Was this going to be part of him that he would have to push back behind the wall?

By the end of the movie Sam still sat at the end of the sofa. He had stretched out his long legs across the coffee table and he was gently snoring, his mouth fell slightly open and his head lay back on the sofa. Alta was sleeping on her side with her head in Sam's lap and Ben had snuggled himself on the opposite end of the sofa from Sam, legs stretched across the coffee table, head back, drifting in blissful sleep with Alta's feet in his lap. They were all exhausted from the emotionally ripping events of the day.

The end credits were rolling when Alta woke. She listened for a moment to Sam's soft snores and felt warm and safe snuggled between the two of them. Ben in imitation of Sam; they looked like bookends. She pulled her feet down to the floor as she sat up and gently placed her hand on Ben's shoulder. "Ben." She watched his soft brown eyes flutter open. "It's time to go to bed." Sam's snoring had stopped and he stretched his long arms toward the ceiling giving a loud yawn through a cavernous mouth. His nephew followed his lead and let out a loud yawn in answer.

"You sound like a couple of bull elephants." Alta rolled her eyes and she and Ben giggled.

Sam jumped up to cut off the DVD player and the TV. "Off with you, boy!" Sam teased as he pointed Ben toward the spare bedroom. "You're going running with me at 0600. Get some sleep." He figured Ben was old enough he didn't need tucking in and he'd stayed in the spare bedroom often enough he should feel at home. Sam had waited all evening and the time to talk was now. He grabbed Alta and headed quickly toward their bedroom.

Once behind closed doors Sam pulled Alta around to face him. "What the hell? Are you trying to drive me insane?"

"Sam. Ben was crushed. He needed to be out of the line of fire and someplace he felt safe." Alta turned and walked toward the bed. "I spent all afternoon with him. He's very upset. Dean moved out again and it was all I could do to keep him from blaming himself." She turned back and looked at Sam, her eyes gentle. "What was I supposed to do… throw him out?"

"No, you're right." In spite of her hunter self, her mothering instincts were asserting themselves. Sam sighed and moved to stand in front of her. He planted himself between her and the bed. He stood just a little too close, towering over her, looking down at her. He made her tremble. He didn't touch her. He didn't speak. He could feel her trembling, smell her fear… he waited, afraid to breathe.

Alta looked up into his questioning eyes. Those beautiful eyes, sometimes so dark with fierce determination or anger… or lust, sometimes blue green hazel… warm and teasing. Now he fixed her with a deep blue hypnotic, unreadable gaze. "I'm pregnant." It felt good to say it… to get it out into the open… to share it with him.

"And…" He held himself still… waiting… watching her. Her heart froze. She'd thought of all the different reactions he might have… joy, anger… but not _this_. He was cold, unfeeling. She thought Balthazar might be right. Maybe he didn't have enough soul left to love… She swallowed hard and pushed on. This was his baby too and he would damn well not leave her to deal with this alone.

"I'm scared… I never wanted kids. I never even liked babysitting when I was growing up. I just… never thought of being… a mother." She sighed. "I'm gonna need your help with this. I'm not sure I know how…"

Sam dropped to the bed. "Oh God." The prayer bubbled out of his mouth on the breath he had held so tightly. He pulled her to him burying his face in her belly finally able to reach out and connect to the life that grew in her. "Alta." He whispered her name as he wiped his tears across the hem of her shirt.

She gazed at him and gently ran her hands through his hair and she knew everything would be right. He would protect her. He loved her… _Balthazar was wrong._ His soul was ragged, damaged. She'd seen it. And much of his soul was left behind, lost in the fires of Hell. But Alta knew he loved her and he would love their baby. She felt a warm rush, like a rush of butterflies deep inside her as she felt Sam raising her shirt and unzipping her jeans to place gentle kisses on her belly.

"You scared the shit out of me." He gazed up into her eyes and she could see the pain she had caused him.

"Shhh… I'm sorry." She caressed his cheek. "Let's don't go there."

His gaze drifted back down and he gently pushed her shirt higher kissing her belly again. "Can I… can we?" His hands slid up slowly, sending shivers through her as he reached around to unfasten her bra, then gently run his hands over her breasts feeling her nipples tighten in response to his touch.

"We'd better, Sam… 'cause I'm burning up." Her knees went weak and he caught her, pulling her onto his lap and burying his face in the tender flesh of her neck.

"Being pregnant makes you horny?" He suddenly realized why he'd been so arouse by her lately. He could smell the hormones pouring off her body and he breathed in her scent.

"Oh God, yes!"

"You want me to help you out with that?" He teased.

"Oh God, yes!" He pulled her shirt over her head and threw it across the room. Her bra followed quickly. She tugged at his shirt pulling it and his tee shirt both over his head and throwing them off into oblivion.

"Let me see that little pregnant belly." He stood her up and slowly pulled her jeans and panties down tossing them aside when she stepped out of them. And he saw it, the beginnings of a pregnant bulge. His large hand covered her stomach no longer flat but just the slightest curve outward. She felt herself flush and desire burning deep inside her. "Alta… how pregnant are you?" His hand continued to slowly circle her belly in amazement.

"Four months." She whispered.

Sam was stunned. "How could we miss this?"

"Apparently I'm the queen of denial." She huffed and pulled away. But Sam was intrigued and he wouldn't let her leave his grasp.

"Have you felt it move yet?" He laid his ear on her belly. "Think I can hear something?" Sam grew up with a father, a brother and an 'uncle'... and a steady parade of hunters. He grew up in a man's world and he had no idea how this very female thing of pregnancy and babies worked. He'd never really been around a pregnant woman.

"Well, I'm officially no longer hot anymore." Alta's embarrassment was obvious by the redness of her face.

Sam saw he was upsetting her and he immediately changed tactics. Pulling back the covers he motioned for her to get into bed. "Come on." He encouraged her. "You must be cold." She slid into the bed while he finished undressing and slid in beside her. He wanted her to feel warm and safe but he also wanted to bury himself in her and he couldn't keep his hands off of her. The more he touched her, the more of her he wanted to touch. She lay with her head resting on his chest just next to his pentagram tattoo, her body pressed tightly along his side. He toyed with her hair and she ran her hand across his chest and down his torso until she lightly pressed along the length of him and felt him growing in her hand. Her gentle touch set him on fire and he burned as she explored the length of him, just the right amount of pressure. It always amazed her; the magical feel of him as he expanded in her hand, growing long and hard and thick. She loved the silky feel of his skin tight and straining over his hard erection. She loved to hear him suck in his breath through clenched teeth, his eyes fluttering closed with the feel of her touch. She responded with a rush of her own and the overwhelming desire to get him inside her.

When Alta straddled him, Sam groaned with pleasure. He could feel her hot, wet and open across him. He bent his knees, spreading his legs open. He pulled the cover up tenting it across her shoulders so she would be protected from the cold and framing her body like a painting. Her face flushed and he watched the redness travel down her body as he pushed deep inside her. She was so hot, so tight and he could see on her face how she loved the feel of him. He felt the hot rush gathering deep in his gut as he swelled inside her body. She shuddered and moaned in response to the tight pressure. He pushed her back against his knees and watched her as he rocked with her.

Sam's eyes focused on her belly as she rolled in a beautiful rhythm. He gazed on the spot where their bodies joined, could see himself buried inside her. He could hear her moans, her cries, her whimpers as she came closer to ecstasy. "Sam… please… please… please." She begged him. Sam grabbed her waist and turned them both quickly; he covered her and pushed deep inside her. He caught the cries he knew would come from her in his mouth and bit back his own moans. He felt her orgasm take her, he muffled her scream, rocked her through the aftershocks and as he filled her he claimed her again, knew she was his. She was filled with his child.

Sam spooned her against him, wrapping her in his warm body, tucking her head under his chin. He felt her body stiffen. "Oh God. You think Ben heard us?"

Sam huffed a soft laugh. "Most likely."

"Oh." He couldn't see it but he knew she blushed. "I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I forgot."

"S'ok." He grinned. "I'm sure he's heard Dean and Lisa before. If he asks… I'll just tell him the truth. That's what it sounds like when a man makes love to a woman."

… … …

"0600 buddy. Let's roll." Sam called to Ben from the bedroom door. "Bundle up. It's chilly this morning." Ben dragged himself out of bed. This was probably his least favorite thing about staying at Sam and Alta's. But he made himself remember that it was good training and he needed to build stamina. Who knows what he may need to be able to do someday… when he started hunting.

Sam bounded down the front steps with Ben close behind. He started walking at a fast clip, got their muscles warm and stretched before he started running. He set a steady pace that he thought would be good for Ben. Sam counted off his foot falls as he ran. His long legs covered more ground than Ben's so every thirtieth footfall he turned and ran back to Ben, circling around him and then starting the count again. Ben preferred to plug metal music in his ears from the Blackberry Sam had given him. The two ran the mile to Bobby's house and then back. It was a short run for Sam but he wanted to get breakfast and get the day started early. There was a lot he wanted to do today.

After breakfast Sam drove Ben to school and came back home to settle with his second cup of coffee in the Living room researching on his iPad. Alta watched him from the kitchen door. She had her second cup of coffee as well. "What are you researching?"

"Come here." Sam patted the sofa next to him. "I'll show you." Alta looked on as he showed her the pages he'd been studying. "If you're four months, sixteen weeks, this is what our baby looks like." He showed her the images he'd been looking at. "You're almost half way through already."

_This is so like Sam._ Alta knew that by the time she had the baby he would have researched every possibility, every fact… and every bit of lore about pregnancy and babies he could find. She took a sip of her coffee.

"You should be drinking milk." She rolled her eyes and he smiled. "We need to get you an appointment. You need prenatal care."

"This is how it's going to be for the next five months? You're going to drive me crazy." She was smiling. _I definitely won't be doing this alone._

"I just want to help." Sam wrapped his long arm around her and pulled her close. "We should do a Lamaze class."

… … …

Sam called a family meeting and when Sam said family, he meant everybody. They all met at Bobby's house. Dean, Lisa, Ben, Bobby, Kat and Sam even put out a call to Castiel. Once everybody gathered, he began. "Alta and I are expecting a baby."

Bobby immediately eyed Kat. "So that was the _'medical issue'_."

"Alta's medical issues are her private business. I couldn't tell you." Kat and Bobby were seated next to each other on the sofa and she reached for his hand to give him a reassuring squeeze.

"Thank you for that." Alta nodded to Kat.

"Alta, that's wonderful." Lisa was standing next to Ben near the picture window and she quickly grabbed Alta in a tight hug. "I can't wait. Is it a boy or a girl? Do you know?"

"We don't know yet." Alta hadn't even given it a thought yet.

"Sam!" Dean grinned at his brother, his green eyes shining. "When am I gonna be an uncle?"

"We think mid-May." Sam cut quickly to the point of the meeting. "Pregnancy is already the most vulnerable time in a woman's life and with Alta it will be even more so." The smiles on everyone's faces suddenly became expressions of puzzlement. "Angels seem to have an interest in this pregnancy."

"Angels! Damn it!" Dean snarled. "What? No demons?" Dean's rage showed in his dark face and the eyes that had been so bright a moment ago were narrowed and angry. It's always something. He ached for his brother and for Alta.

"No demons that we know of… yet." Sam answered.

"Balthazar and Michael are the ones we should be careful of." Castiel spoke from a dark corner of the room. "They would rather this baby not be born."

"Cas, you've got to do something to stop them!" Dean growled out his demand. "What can we do?" Castiel's face was expressionless and the silence filled the room with dread.

"The first thing... the most important thing that I have to do is to protect Alta and I need everyone helping with this. We can't ever leave her alone; can't leave her open to any unexpected… encounters, especially as she gets…" He was suddenly at a loss for words. He held his hands out in front of him, imitating a big belly, looking helplessly at Alta. A word he thought was safe finally came to mind. "… Close…"

"When I get big and awkward it will be hard for me to defend myself. The baby will slow me down." She appreciated his effort.

"Neither Michael nor Balthazar will confront you or damage your baby themselves. But they may employ other means to get at you." Castiel sighed. "And as for you and your brother..." He cast a warning look toward Sam. "Michael wants to see you both dead."

"What? Why?" Dean growled.

"Because Michael is petty and vindictive." Castiel turned his gaze toward Dean. "And you robbed him of his moment of glory, when he would defeat Lucifer."

"Cas, can you give us some kind of protection? Like a safe zone or something." Sam was searching for anything that he could find to help.

"I can watch and if you call I will come to help. If I can."

"If you can?" Sam questioned. "What do you mean?" He liked the idea of having an Angel in his pocket, now it seemed there would be limitations."

"I side with you because you've taught me to believe in Free Will but I'm afraid that is not a popular thing among Angels. They do not understand." Castiel's face was drawn. "I've become an outcast. Balthazar and Michael both wish to see me dead. I fear Tabbris and Zagzagel are not much more sympathetic to my beliefs."

"Wait! Tabbris is the Angel of self-determination. Doesn't that kinda go along with Free Will?" Bobby was clearly upset. This was not a good thing.

"I had the same question." Sam answered him. "Apparently to her the two are not the same." He sighed. He would share a lot of things with family, but the details of Alta's pregnancy and the fact that it was forced on her was not one of the things he would share. He would leave that up to Alta to share or not.

"The Campbell's can help." Dean could see Sam's jaw working and he knew Alta's statement didn't sit well with him. He wasn't sure why. The Campbell's had fought with them on two major battles, helped them rescue Lisa from the warehouse and then fight Crowley in the battle at Carthage. Without Samuel and Christian, Dean figured they weren't that bad. But he could see Sam had a different feeling about the Campbell's.

"It'd be good to have some more hunters around." Bobby said.

"I want to go there." Alta's statement stunned everyone except Sam. He knew it was coming. "I want to be married among my people."

"Alta." Dean's voice was soft and he knew he was treading on dangerous ground. "I don't think that's a good idea. We need to be here where we can take care of you… on our own turf."

Alta's eyes flew to Sam. _Had they discussed this? Were they going to side together against her?_ Sam met her eyes. He was unreadable. She didn't want to fight with him in front of his family. She felt trapped. _Now the Winchesters were going to run her life?_

Sam saw her distress and he knew this would not be pretty. "I get what you're saying Dean. But Alta and I need talk this out between us."

"If you hunters are through strategizing…" Lisa slipped over to stand beside Alta and put her arm around her. She thought Alta looked tired. "I think we should celebrate this good news." Alta was grateful to Lisa for this. "We have a wonderful reason to go shopping tomorrow." She winked and nodded at Kat. "You men drink. We women are going in the kitchen. Bobby do you have some tea?"

"I'll get it." Kat followed Lisa and Alta into the kitchen. "I know where he keeps it."

_**… … …**_

"Sam." Alta sank into a chair and rested her elbows on the table. She had enjoyed her time with the women in Bobby's kitchen. Lisa was like a breath of fresh air. She knew all the right things to say to make Alta feel better and Alta knew that Lisa would help her get ready for the baby. She was looking forward to the shopping trip they planned for tomorrow. But she couldn't help but wonder about the conversation among the men in Bobby's study. She knew it centered on her and she hated that she wasn't a part of the planning. She'd had enough of other people… and Angels deciding her fate lately. "We've had this conversation about me going home a few too many times and I don't feel like I should have to fight with your brother to be able to go see my family."

"You don't have to fight with my brother about anything." Sam answered her calmly.

"I don't want to fight with you again either. What is it that makes you distrust them so much? You got along fine with the clan. Hell, you got on with them better than I did."

"Alright." Sam sat at the table across from her. "That's before I knew what happened to you."

"Christian did that. And his parents let it go on but they're all dead." She sighed. "The rest of them had nothing to do with it."

"You don't think so? You don't think they saw bruises and heard screams and did nothing." Sam couldn't control his rage. He stood and paced across the floor. "You knew Christian better than I did. You know he bragged. Hell he bragged about what he did to the wife he had while I was with the clan. It disgusted me then and I was _soulless_. Why do you think I lived away from the compound?" She could see the pain in his eyes. "I hate that I was a _soulless dick_ and didn't do anything to stop him. All of the men knew. None of them would take a stand against him. And my soulless self didn't care." He stopped pacing and stood beside her, looking down at her. "You were a child, Alta. You deserved the protection of the whole clan. They all let you down. Do you think I can take you back to that place? Especially now?" He sighed. "If you want to invite them here for the wedding, that's fine but I can't be there and hold in my anger… not my anger at them… and not my anger at myself."

With that it was finally decided and put to rest. She would call Mark and extend an invitation to the clan but there would be no trip home. Alta finally accepted it. For better or worse she was a Winchester now and no longer a Campbell. Sam had claimed her and made her his own in a way that Christian never could, with all his threats... the beatings... the evil ways Christian tried to control her. Sam owned her heart... part of her was terrified. But she knew she held his heart as well… and it was just as terrifying.

**… … …**

Lisa's house was beautiful. She had decorated for Christmas. Dean had brought a huge, beautiful tree from the woods on Bobby's property and Dean, Lisa and Ben spend all day Saturday decorating, baking and listening to Christmas music. After all that, they had movie night and ate popcorn and cookies while they watched 'Home Alone'. Dean sprawled on one end of the couch with Lisa curled up in his arms while Ben curled up on the other side of her and he and Dean joked about making a 'Mom Sandwich'. They went to bed early because the next day would be Sam and Alta's wedding.

**… … …**

_**TBC**_

_**So next time a Christmas wedding… Supernatural Style. Should it be a fluffy peaceful wedding or shall I be like Chuck… a cruel capricious writer?.?.?**_


	46. Chapter 46

**Family Secrets: **Part 3 – Chapter 6

_**O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!**_

_**Thou tree most fair and lovely!**_

_**Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!**_

_**Thou tree most fair and lovely!**_

_**The sight of thee at Christmastide**_

_**Spreads hope and gladness far and wide**_

_**Oh Christmas tree, O Christmas tree**_

_**Thou tree most fair and lovely!**_

_**.**_

_**O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree**_

_**You fill all hearts with gaiety**_

_**O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree**_

_**You fill all hearts with gaiety**_

_**On Christmas tree you stand so tall**_

_**Affording joy to one and all**_

_**O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree**_

_**You fill all hearts with gaiety**_

…

_**One week before the wedding…**_

"So, when are you guys gonna put up your tree?" Ben asked as he was cutting and pasting information on a Dava. Sam glanced up from his writing but he didn't answer, relieved when Ben was quickly distracted. "These things are ancient, like prehistoric ancient." Ben's eyes followed the words down the screen, his fascination with the shadow demon showing clearly on his face. "You and Dean fought one of these things?"

"Along with our Dad."

"Awesome. You and Dean should write a book."

Sam smiled. "Well, that's what this journal is all about… to catalogue our hunts and what we've learned."

"No I mean like a novel… an action thriller."

"It's been done."

"What?" Ben's eyes lit up. "You guys wrote a book?"

"A set of books... written by a man named Chuck Shurley. Well, his pen name is Carver Edlund"

"Somebody wrote _a set_ of books about you and Dean?" Alta was suddenly interested. "I never heard of these books."

"Not many people have… They had just a small cult following."

"Man..."

Sam almost instantly regretted letting Ben know about the books. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. Sam was involving Ben in his project to journal all their hunts partly because it was a good learning exercise in research and partly just to increase his knowledge base. But if he read the Supernatural books, it may be that he would find out more than he wanted to know. He would see a glamorized version of Sam and Dean. And Ben tended to glamorize the job enough as it was.

"So..." Ben's mind once again jumped track. "Can I help when you guys put up your tree?" We're doing ours Saturday."

"Ben..." Sam let out a long sigh. "We're not putting up a tree. We didn't plan on decorating."

"No tree? Are you kidding?" Ben was suddenly no longer interested in the Dava or the books. He had a new focus. "How can you celebrate without decorating? Christmas is the best holiday of the year."

"I don't celebrate Christmas, Ben." Sam sighed. His annoyance was obvious but he tried to hide it.

"Well you should. You're gonna Have a kid next year. You can't possibly raise a kid without having Christmas."

"I can, and I will." Sam was being obstinate. It wasn't like him to be that way with Ben and Ben didn't really know how to take it.

"Maybe it would be nice to have a tree." Alta mused. She wasn't aware that Sam had such an aversion to Christmas and she didn't like it much.

"We don't have room for a tree."

"That doesn't matter." Ben snorted. "You_ make _room for a Christmas tree. What's wrong with you, Sam?"

"I just don't get into all that Christmas stuff." Sam held his ground. "But don't worry, I'll bring you a present and stick it under _your_ tree."

"I can't believe you're not putting up a Christmas tree!" Ben mumbled under his breath as he started out the door to make his way home. "Scrooge! It's not about the present." He didn't stay to argue the point but he slammed the door on his way out to make it clear how he felt.

"What's up with all the HumBug?" Alta came into the living room bringing Sam a beer and herself a cup of tea.

"You don't have to bring me a beer; I'll drink tea with you."

"You don't have to give up a beer once in a while just because I can't drink."

"I don't mind... I really don't care about a beer one way or the other anyway."

"Well you could use one... You need to chill a bit."

"I'm chilled." Sam met Alta's gaze. "I just don't do Christmas." He huffed. "We didn't do Christmas last year. It didn't seem to bother you."

"We were on the road, Sam... on a case." Alta remembered how he did seem to make sure they were away from everyone and working on a case. She hadn't been so involved in the whole Christmas thing herself in the past few years but now that there was a kid around them and they were with family and friends... they were starting a new life together... "It would be fun to have a Christmas tree. I haven't decorated a tree in years." Her voice was almost dreamy. "It will be our first Christmas together... in our home... And Ben's right we'll have our own child next year so we might as well start some Christmas traditions now."

"You want Christmas, you go ahead... Just leave me out of it." Sam's face was set and she knew there was no arguing with him now. "I told you... I don't do Christmas. I never have and I don't see the point." Sam left Alta staring after him. She wondered why he was so passionately against Christmas. She would have understood, would have considered it to be totally in character if Sam was just indifferent to the holiday, but this passionate hatred for it was puzzling. Like Ben, Sam didn't stay to argue the point. He headed to the bathroom to take a shower, effectively ending the conversation.

... ... ...

Sam knew this place but only because he been back here as an adult. He had no memory of it in childhood. He was in Laurence, Kansas and it was a three year old Dean who ran through the house screaming at the top of his lungs. "Daddy. Daadddiiieee!" His father's smile was genuine and simple, filled with the joy of life. John dropped the tree he was hauling into the house and scooped Dean up in his arms holding him in a tight hug. Love and pride showed in his eyes as he ruffled Dean's sandy haired mop top.

"Hey, Dean. Have you been a good boy?"

"I have Daddy... I have..." Dean's little voice chimed in his father's ear. "...and Sanda gonn come see me."

"You bet he will, son!" John laughed at his small son's giggles. He laughed... outright laughter. Sam couldn't remember John ever actually laughing like that... a full joyous laugh... not tainted with the pain of a dark life lived to fight evil.

"John." Mary's soft voice floated into Sam's ears like a gentle caress. Sam couldn't remember seeing his mother's face... not her real face… not from childhood. He'd seen pictures... pictures that didn't do her justice. And he'd seen her in visions. He'd met her when Castiel _'time warped'_ the brothers back to 1979. Sam was always awed by her beauty. His heart burned when he saw her and he longed to feel his mother's touch... just once.

"Mom?" Sam called to her.

"She can't hear you, Sam." Sam whirled around to face the owner of the voice.

"Joshua?" Sam was amazed. Joshua was the Angel he and Dean searched for in Heaven. Joshua talked with God. "What are you doing here?"

"I have some things to show you. Some things you need to see."

"I need to see Dean having a 'Merry Christmas'... obviously before I was born?" Sam's face turned decidedly dark. He was angry. "I need to be reminded that I'm cursed? ... that I brought this curse on my family?"

"Be patient, Sam. When you see, you will understand."

Sam rolled his eyes. _Some stupid dream this is!_ "What are you, Angel of Christmas past? Don't you think this is a bit corny?"

"Watch, Sam."

"I don't want to!" Sam's answering voice was petulant.

"Watch." Joshua's kind voice answered him. "You need to know."

Sam turned back to witness the small family. John had put on a Santa hat, its white fur circling around his head. _Dad was wearing a Santa hat! _It was the most bizarre thing Sam had ever seen. Dad was clowning around... He was happy. Sam had never seen him like this. He reached high to place an angel on top of the tree and he laughed as Dean flung silver icicles over the lower branches giggling and dancing as he was trying to sing with the music coming from the cassette player. "Jingle Bells… jingle bells…" Sam's eyes closed tightly just listening to the sounds of happiness... the sounds of a normal family. Once they had been a normal family... before he was born… before the demon… Once John had been entranced by the sound of Mary's laughter. She helped Dean with the icicles and hung bright red balls on the tree. Her voice was like music and Sam longed for the life he'd been denied.

"Watch!" Joshua's voice commanded him. Sam watched his parents sitting together on the sofa. John gazed at Mary gently caressing the curve of her belly. She gazed down lovingly as if she could see the child that was growing inside her. John's smile was blinding with the love he had for her and the child she carried.

Tears welled in Sam's eyes and he struggled against the knot in his throat. "They have no idea..." Sam's whisper trailed off into silence.

"Come!" Joshua's voice rang out across the year and Sam gazed around the small room filled with the loud wail of an upset baby. The chubby little baby boy sat on the carpet carefully balancing himself and reaching for Dad.

"Come on, Sammy." John reached down and pulled the baby up into his arms. John looked tired. There was no light in his eyes. Sam already knew that he would not see his mom in this vision. Mary was dead and with her a part of John was dead too.

"Stop!" Sam closed his eyes against the pain. "I don't want to see this!"

"Watch!" Joshua compelled him.

"Daddy..." Dean's little voice was soft, unsure and John sat next to him on the broken down sofa with baby Sammy on his lap. He handed Dean candy canes to hang on the little tree. Baby Sammy was engrossed in a cookie, sucking and scraping his teeth on it, holding it in his pudgy little hands, turning it and examining it intently.

"Santa's gonna come and see me and Sammy?" Dean's four year old little voice questioned his father.

"Yea, he is Dean." John scrubbed his face across the top of Sammy's head, hiding tears in the baby's hair. "He sure is."

Sam swallowed hard recognizing his father's pain. He turned his head at the sound of Ellen's voice and found himself in Harvell's Roadhouse.

…

"John?" She picked up his empty beer bottle and he motioned for her to get him another. She sighed and pulled another PBR from the cooler. Sam watched as his dad sat at the bar, his head bent low, his eyes glistening with tears. He sniffed back the threatening flood and took a long pull from the fresh beer. "John, don't you have two boys at home?" He glared at her. She was undaunted by the look that made grown men shiver. "You need to get going. It's Christmas and you've sat around here feeling sorry for yourself long enough."

"You don't know how hard it is." He hissed. "I want Mary! I miss my wife!" Ellen placed a comforting hand on John's slumped shoulder. "She should be here… for Christmas… she should be with the boys…" Sam had never seen John like this. He was near tears. _John Winchester didn't cry_… John Winchester taught his boys to suck it up, no matter what _it_ was. "I can't do this by myself." _John sounded weak… Dad was never weak…_

Ellen's eyes were soft as she looked at his bowed head. She took in a deep breath. "Too bad, John Winchester. You're gonna have to do it by yourself. You're all those boys have got!" Her voice was harsh as she became the drill sergeant he needed to spur him into action… to make him go and face the battle. "Get your ass off my barstool and go home to your boys, damn it!"

Sam barely had time to process this side of his dad he'd never seen. "Come." Joshua's voice echoed in his head.

...

"Dad, when are you gonna be back?" Dean stood in a phone booth in the dark night. "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Will you be home for Christmas?" Dean huffed into the phone. "It's important, Dad. Sammy's been asking..." Dean's eyes clouded and gazed off toward a rundown motel. "Dad! It's Christmas! Sammy needs you." Dean's thirteen year old voice cracked. "Yea, I know... people are dying."

Sam's anger flared and his mood became darker. "Is this some new kind of torture? What do you want from me? Dad was a _dick_! I already knew that!"

"Watch!" Joshua commanded him. "Look beyond your disappointment."

Sam saw his nine year old self waiting. He was still a small boy... thin and wiry and he looked expectantly toward the door when Dean came in. But Dean came in alone... Dad wasn't with him. Dean held a bucket of chicken under one arm and a scrawny little tree under the other. Sammy's heart was broken and tears began to roll from his big hazel eyes. "Where's Dad?" he cried.

Sam's eyes narrowed and his lips compressed to a thin line. He remembered this... He remembered how heartbroken he was. _What could be more important than being with your kids on Christmas? _To Dad the monsters were more important… revenge was more important than his sons.

"He'll be here Sammy." Dean lied.

"Listen with your heart." Joshua commanded him.

"Look. I got us a tree... and some icicles." Dean tried to sound enthusiastic. "Let's decorate it, Sammy. We can have it all ready when Dad gets here."

"No!" Sammy's broken little voice slammed hard on Sam's ears. "Dad's not coming, Dean. He promised! Dad promised!"

"Well, we can still decorate... we can still have Christmas, Sammy." Dean pleaded. "Just you and me. We'll have Christmas together."

"No! I just wanna go to sleep." Sammy turned his back and Sam saw the hurt in Dean's face.

...

"Dude! That's Jess?" Sam whirled around to find the owner of this new voice. _"She is Fine!"_

"Ash?"

"Up close and personal, man." Ash sported the same 'mullet' Sam remembered from the Roadhouse days. He gave Sam a sly smile and jerked his thumb over his shoulder pointing at Jess. Sam's heart clenched.

"Jess." He whispered her name.

It was the year he went home with her for Christmas... the first time he met her parents. It was the first time he ever even listened to the words of the Christmas carols. Sam had gazed into her face entranced by her voice as she sang. "Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow."

"Not likely." He had mused. "Not in southern California." Sam thought that he could listen to her forever. They decorated the tree with her parents. Sam hung red balls on the tree as she smiled at him... directing him.

"Put the big ones at the bottom..." She kissed his cheek. "The little ones go on the top branches." He told her his family didn't celebrate Christmas. He couldn't remember ever having a tree.

"Sam. That's so sad." She touched his face, her blue eyes made his heart beat faster. "You can celebrate with us... always." He couldn't help himself. He cradled her face in his hands and kissed her. Her life was so sweet... so simple... so normal. He wanted to be with her always and this year Christmas was special.

"What's the point of this, Ash?" Sam growled.

"I don't know, man. I'm just here 'cause Joshua got called back to the garden." Ash grinned at Sam and Sam returned his grin with a quizzical stare. Ash took a deep breath. "Looks like you might have enjoyed Christmas that year."

"Yea..." Sam's face remained dark. "It's the only one we had. By the next year she was dead."

"Well... didn't you and Dean celebrate?"

"Once... the Christmas before he got dragged into Hell."

"No kidding, man. What'd you do?"

"He got me skin mags and shaving cream." Sam's voice softened. "I got him motor oil and a candy bar." Sam remembered the look on Dean's face when he came back to the motel room to find that Sam had decorated with a tree and tinsel. It made Dean happy. "We drank eggnog and watched the ballgame.

"Uh Uh." Ash watched Sam as he seemed to savor that memory. "Dean had to talk you into that one."

"Yea. I was being stubborn."

"Probably." Ash cleared his throat. "Ok. Let me see if I can get this right." He cocked his head and grinned at Sam. "It's my first time." he waggled his eyes, still grinning.

...

Dean was sprawled on one end of the couch with Lisa curled up in his arms while Ben curled up on the other side of her and he and Dean joked about making a 'Mom Sandwich'. It was movie night and Sam watched as Dean gazed at the Christmas tree, the red and green lights flickering in his eyes. He had that same smile on his face... that happy smile he'd had when they drank eggnog and watched the ballgame next to their scrawny tree in that motel room so many years ago.

"Seems like Dean can enjoy the Holidays just fine. Looks good on him, don't ya think?"

"Yea." Sam looked at Ash.

"See, here's the thing you need to wrap your head around. You had a tough childhood. Things didn't go well, being cursed with demon blood and all... and then you ended up in Hell... roommates with Lucifer. I'm sure that was a drag." Sam gave Ash an incredulous look. "I know... I know." Ash held up his hand in a placating gesture. "Understatement."

"Yea!"

"Well you know you only have a little of your soul left and God knows, you've always been moody…" Ash grinned. It was the look he got when he was thoughtful. "…bitchy."

"I'm not bit..."

"So..." Ash waved off his argument. "You need to work harder to enjoy life cause you just never did ease into the fluff like you should… you know, get laid back…" Ash produced a beer out of thin air and chugged it quickly. After a loud belch he continued. "You have to be… what's the word? …" His eyes rolled heavenward. "Oh, yea… intentional… you have to be intentional about enjoying life… 'cause it just don't come natural to you." Ash's dark eyes focused on Sam with sudden clarity. "If you don't make the effort, man you'll end up hard and bitter, like your father and if you do that... What do you think will happen to your children?" Sam didn't respond. It hit him hard, like a blow to the gut. "Do you need me to fill in that blank for you?"

"No. I get it. Thanks, Ash."

"Think nothing of it." Ash grinned at Sam. "I kinda like this job. If I'm successful with you I might get this as a regular gig."

... ... ...

Ben looked down at his phone and saw Sam's name.

"Hey, Sam. S'up?"

"We're coming by to pick you up. Dress warm. We'll be outside most of the afternoon. Wear gloves."

"Ok. This some new field training?"

"Yea. We'll be there in ten."

Ben stuffed his phone back in his pocket and grabbed his jacket. He forgot to ask what he needed other than warm clothes so he decided to bring his pistol, which he stuffed in the back of his pants, his silver butterfly he stuffed in his pocket and his Bouie he put in its holster on his belt. Anything else he might need he was sure Sam and Alta would bring. He never knew what to expect when Dean or Sam took him out for training. He knew he was far behind where they were at his age but he would catch up and he didn't think anyone could be as creative as Sam or Dean when it came to training but he didn't have John Winchester as a trainer and neither of John's boys would put Ben through exactly what they had been through. No... They could train Ben just as well, in their own way.

... ... ...

Sam picked up his axe, hefted it across his shoulder and led the way into the woods behind his and Alta's house. Both Ben and Alta followed behind. They tread through the light dusting of snow on the forest floor. Alta had her side arm in its holster and a shotgun across her back. Sam had Ruby's knife holstered at his side as well as his pistol in the back of his jeans. They were ready for whatever Sam thought they might find. But Ben wondered what the axe was for... some new creature, maybe?

"Alright..." Sam finally stopped in the midst of a stand of evergreen trees and turned to Ben. "You pick out the right tree and we'll chop it down. Just remember whichever tree you pick, we've got to drag it back to the house."

"And it has to fit in our small living room." Alta added.

It took the rest of the daylight to get the tree down and drag it back to the house. Chikala was fascinated with the commotion and seemed to be delighted that her people were bringing a tree into the house. _Whatever could these people be thinking._ She was even more amused when they started hanging sparkly things in the branches.

"Crazy cat!" But laughed. "Look Sam. Chikala ran right up the middle of the tree." Sam laughed and stuck his long arm into the branches to pick her off as she tried to cling to the trunk.

"Come on, Little One. This tree is not for you to play in." Sam pulled the little gray cat out and snuggled her against him scratching under her chin to comfort her. He put her down and she went to sit by the woodstove, curling her tail around her, watching her people put more sparkly things on the tree and planning her next attack.

Sam was happy. He listened to Alta as she sang along with the CD of Christmas music he'd bought that morning. _I didn't even know she could sing or that her voice would be so sweet. _He watched Ben's smiles as he threw silver icicles on the tree. They hung red balls on the tree, big ones at the bottom and the smaller ones near the top. It was Sam's pleasure to put an Angel on the tree top. He thought movie night was a good idea so they made popcorn and snuggled together on the sofa watching 'Christmas Vacation'.

"Sam?"

"Yea, Ben?"

"I'm glad you decided to have a Christmas tree."

"Me too." Sam smiled and pulled Alta just a little closer. He looked at Ben. "Just be ready to get up at 0600. We're going running… snow or no snow."

"Yea, I know." Ben sighed. It was the only drawback to spending the night with Sam and Alta.

_**TBC**_

_**Merry Christmas!**_

_**Next time… I promise a wedding. Just needed to get this one out before the Holiday is over… Hope you enjoy my stab at a Supernatural Christmas.  
>Please comment, R&amp;R… Many thanks to all who comment, alert and favorite.<strong>_


	47. Chapter 47

_**Family Secrets – Part three – Chapter 7**_

_I'm so sorry to take so long to post this chapter but I have to say it was the most difficult one so far… Me and my MUSE argued so much over this one and to be honest… I'm not sure which of us came out on top. Anyway… Enjoy…_

… … …

_**Well I don't want to be some puppet on a string**_

_**And I don't want to learn of things you can't explain**_

_**And I don't want to have your views on everything**_

_**I just want to scream**_

_**Scream about hurting**_

_**Scream about mercy**_

_**Scream about something**_

_**Scream about nothing**_

_**There you go with all your might**_

_**Giving promises by degree**_

_**Well God is great and God is good**_

_**But God you'll never be**_

_**I don't want to be your hospitality**_

_**I don't want to live with false reality**_

_**See I'm the one obsessed with truth and honesty**_

_**I just want to scream**_

_**Scream about hurting**_

_**Scream about mercy**_

_**Scream about something**_

_**Scream about nothing**_

_Scream – Collective Soul_

"You play with their lives as if they are pieces on a chess board." Castiel gazed at his brother, wondering how he could have ever been like him. But until you get it... _you just don't get it_. Castiel sighed. How could he ever explain the beauty of these beings... these lives? They were like works of art… the most beautiful work of his father. He barely grasped it himself and he had no idea why he should. None of the Angels saw the beauty of the humans' struggles, suffering… hating… fear and joy… and most of all love… the terrible beauty of this thing these humans had… choice and all its consequences.

"Of course. We guide... we nudge them in the right directions. If we didn't step in and control them there would be chaos."

"You manipulate them... use them."

Balthazar huffed at the younger Angel. "It's what we've always done." The brief moments that were the lives of humans were barely noticeable to immortals. Balthazar had watched the earth grow and change, had watched the oceans change as land masses moved around the globe; Continents coming into being and changing, mountain ranges growing… soaring up out of the earth and then wearing down again to flat planes and shallow seas. Castiel, as young as he was had witnessed all of human evolution from the first time a human looked up into the night sky and contemplated the immortals. And Balthazar was right. The immortals had always manipulated humans, blessing some of them, cursing some and ignoring others. "God gave us dominion over them."

"Did He?" Castiel questioned. "Is this what he meant for us to do? Turn them against each other, make them kill each other? Didn't he give them the ability to choose?"

"Don't start the 'Free Will' crap again. Honestly, Cas! I will smite you!"

"You can try." Castiel's hand rested on the hilt of his sword, 'Heaven's Tears', reminding Balthazar that he had the Grace of the Ancients now. He was no longer part of the Heavenly Host.

"Don't count on the continued support of the Ancient Ones." Balthazar's voice was low and menacing. "Do they know how you love and even admire these humans?" Castiel locked eyes with his brother. "Tabbris has her own plans for the humans. The Winchesters are like chess pieces between her and Michael. She's no more interested in 'Free Will' than Michael." Balthazar tried to lighten the mood. "Quit being a rogue Angel and pick a side. Play this out with the rest of us. Tabbris and Michael will duel over the Winchesters through the seventh generation." Castiel glared. He knew Balthazar was right... But that didn't make him righteous.

Whatever the consequences, Castiel, Angel of Thursday... one of the lower ranks in the Host of Heaven had worked his way into the ranks of the Ancient Ones. They had given him Grace and a sword of Heaven, 'Heaven's Tears'. He was now apart and above the Host of Heaven. He made his way by being a rogue... And he would continue to be a rogue. Castiel gave a fleeting smile before he left his brother. He liked being a rogue. He couldn't be a human but he could be on their side and maybe it was time to shake the Angel's up a bit.

**... ... ...**

The Campbell clan had become a mere shadow of what it had been for centuries. So when Richard Campbell was approached by an Angel of the Lord he knew it was the miracle they'd all longed for. It was proof enough that God Himself meant for the Campbell's to survive and continue to battle evil. Richard didn't question and he didn't bother to look too deep. The Angel told Richard what he wanted to hear. Kill the Winchesters and raise Alta's baby as a Campbell.

Richard Campbell was a petty man. He'd spent most of his life in the shadow of better hunters… low on the Campbell clan hierarchy. He was not a good hunter but he was devious. He had hated Samuel Campbell; how he came from nowhere… back from the dead. It was unnatural. But Samuel was smart. He was a good hunter, talented and skilled, a good strategist and he was a leader. Those attributes made Richard hate him all the more. Samuel knew talent and skill and he knew when it was lacking. So Richard was relegated to routine hunts, salt and burns, the ones that didn't interest Samuel. Hunts he considered to be beneath his best hunters. Samuel had Richard making ammo and doing salt runs… like a frikking kid. And Richard had festered in his bitterness for a long time.

If Richard had hated Samuel, he hated Sam even more. He thought Sam was too young to be the leader's right hand man. And Sam was a Winchester, not a Campbell… Christian should have been the leader. Christian would have given Richard a higher place among the hunters. Sam was arrogant and worst of all he, like Samuel, showed up out of nowhere. And Samuel took him right to the top. It wasn't natural. The kid didn't pay his dues… didn't do his time and rise to the top like he was supposed to. And Sam made Richard uncomfortable. He had an evil vibe about him. Richard felt like Sam was something he should be hunting. But he never dared to openly confront either Sam or Samuel. They had the rest of the clan's support. So Richard had bided his time… all his life he bided his time. And he watched the clan unravel over the past year.

The Campbell clan unraveled faster than anyone ever thought possible. Two years ago they were the best they'd ever been… but all that began to fall apart when Sam to openly defied the leader. He went out on his own and worse, he took Alta. It was a weakness in the fabric of the clan and others saw the possibilities. With the battle at the warehouse they lost their leaders. Samuel and Christian had been in league with demons and Gwynn was killed in battle. Sam and Alta left the clan in its darkest hour. The 'A team' turned out to be a bust. Richard saw weakness in the very tight clan hierarchy. Mark was the only one left of the leadership. When everyone rallied behind Mark, it was a slap in the face of everything Richard believed. He knew Mark was smart, talented and a good hunter. But he was a kid. Just twenty two and he had no business leading the clan.

When the best hunters followed Mark into what Richard considered the fiasco at Carthage they lost most of the best hunters and he blamed Mark. Now, finally things looked up for Richard Campbell. Unlike Samuel who allied himself with a demon. Richard had allied himself with an Angel… his secret… an Angel in his pocket… and that made him righteous. He told his wife. "It appears to be my time." And he began a deliberate campaign to turn the clan against Mark and take the role of leader for himself. A big part of that strategy was to blame Sam Winchester and with him Dean, Bobby and especially Alta. Richard wasn't a particularly talented hunter but he was a talented schemer.

"Alta and Sam are getting married. She's pregnant." The Angel that stood before him made Richard tremble. He could barely look at him. "If you don't stop them, the Winchesters will be the new clan while the Campbell's are dwindling away to nothing." Balthazar wondered at how easy it was to manipulate this human. He was weak minded. "You need to make an example… a show of strength. Get rid of the Winchesters and make Alta come back to the clan, where she belongs." Balthazar stepped closer, radiating power across Richards face. _It was so easy…_ "You do this and the rest will fall in line. They will see your strength and they will follow you." He licked his lips. "It's what God intends."

Balthazar didn't care about the Campbell's or their clan. But he allied himself with Michael and Michael wanted the Winchesters dead. Balthazar couldn't pass up this opportunity to rid the world of the Winchester brothers without having to openly confront Tabbris and Zagzagel. So he put his devious plot into action by using this weak human, Richard Campbell.

"And Mark?" Richard's voice trembled.

_I have to spell out everything?_ "He's your main rival… Kill him." Balthazar hissed.

**… … …**

Mark Campbell paced the floor, his blue eyes fiercely angry. The Campbell's were not saints, never had been but the worst of the family had taken control and he hated what the clan was becoming. Mark was young; only twenty two and they said he was idealistic... too idealistic. He expected too much. Their job was to hunt and kill monsters. Any other expectations were way out of line.

Richard had turned the clan against Mark, said he was wrong to fight with the Winchester's. He'd lost too many hunters; lost their best hunters and it left the clan weak. The Winchester's didn't deserve the clan's help. Sam had left, took Alta away with him. He was the one responsible for beginning the decline in the family. They argued as they searched for someone or something to blame. As his supporters dwindled and those who knew Alta and Sam… and Gwyn died in battle the clan turned against Mark. It happened so fast it nearly took his breath away. The Winchesters made an easy scape goat for the clan's anger and Richard was a master at stirring the flames. Mark remained loyal to Alta and to Sam and Richard used it to his advantage. He watched helplessly as they all turned against him. There was only Sophia left who believed in Mark and his 'idealism'. Mark knew if he stayed Richard would try to kill him.

"You're coming with?" Mark looked at his cousin expectantly.

"Yes. But I'm not leaving my sister." Sophia was adamant. Her sister was only fourteen and there was no one else for the sisters but each other… and Mark.

Mark, Sophia and Sonya left the compound before dawn. They headed west and once cleared of Pennsylvania, Mark began to relax his tight grip on the steering wheel and the tenseness left his face.

"It's the right thing." Sophia's soft voice comforted him.

"Yea." Mark managed a hint of a smile. "I know it is."

**… … …**

"No." Alta's voice was calm. "I'm still capable of taking care of myself." She smiled at Sam over her cereal. "I'm not some helpless girl… I am a hunter." Her teeth scraped the spoon as she took a mouthful of cereal.

"I'm well aware of your skills, believe me." Sam's voice remained annoyingly calm. He took a spoonful of cereal, sliding the spoon silently out through his pursed lips.

"We're shopping for a dress and whatever other wedding stuff Lisa says we need and the last thing we need is a man tagging along." She gave him a sarcastic grin before popping in another spoonful of corn flakes.

"I promise not to get in the way." Sam gave her a wide grin of his own followed by another spoonful of corn flakes.

"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to see me in my dress before the wedding." Another saccharine smile and another spoonful of corn flakes.

Sam snorted. "Don't you think it's a little too late to be acting all… traditional?" He glanced at her through his lashes, his brow wrinkled, as he lifted his next spoonful of cereal.

"Honestly, it will be hard enough for me, it will drive you crazy and I don't want to spend the day watching you be miserable." Her smile faded. She slid her spoon through her teeth again eliciting the tiniest wince from Sam.

"If it's that hard for you, then do something else. Is this Lisa's wedding or our wedding?" He took another mouthful of cereal and slid the spoon silently through his lips.

"Lisa's helping me." Alta dropped her spoon into her empty bowl with a loud clank. "I have no idea how to plan a wedding and I'm grateful for the help."

"I want to be close by... just in case."

"It's going to take a while... It'll be boring..."

"I don't mind. I'm free all day, if that's what it takes. I'll take my iPad. There's plenty I can research."

Alta picked up her cereal bowl and carried it to the sink. Sam was quickly behind her. _This has gone on long enough._ His long arm reached around her placing his bowl beside hers in the sink.

"Make no mistake, Alta." His voice was soft and dark in her ear. There was no playfulness left in him. "This is a dangerous time. Something is coming for you and the baby. You are a target but I'm not going to let anything happen to you." His hands gently grasped her arms and he pulled her closer to him; his hot breath still in her ear. "You and Lisa shop. Pick out your dress, pick out flowers, do whatever you need to do. You'll be distracted… I _want_ you to be distracted. _I want you to enjoy yourself._ I'll watch." Alta sighed and leaned into him.

"You're right." Her eyes gazed somewhere in the direction of the ceiling. Her independence was slipping away… rapidly. "It's going to be a long five months."

**… … …**

Alta and Lisa spent all morning trying on dresses... something off the shelf... no time for alterations. Lisa and the sales woman picked out the dresses and Alta tried them on, desperately trying to reconcile her hunter's soul with the reflection in the mirror. _Is this Lisa's wedding or our wedding? _Sam's words echoed in her head.

"Sam and Dean will be in tuxes and I'll be in... What's your favorite color? What color would you like for your maid of honor? Pink… pink's good… or blue… blue would be good for a winter wedding." Lisa looked at Alta expectantly. When she got a helpless look as a response Lisa pushed on. _This is not going to be easy._ "Never mind that now. Let's just get your dress first and we can worry about the colors later."

Sam waited in the lobby of the dress shop and scrutinized every person who entered the store and those who passed by outside while he surfed the net. He read articles on pregnancy, fetal development, and delivery just to be sure he knew what was going on and because suddenly this whole new world fascinated him. He ordered a couple of books and after an hour and a half he started looking at news articles. Within the next half hour he was looking for a hunt... _Old habits die hard..._ He told himself.

Alta began to lose track of the dresses she'd tried on... which dresses she kind of liked... which ones Lisa loved and which ones the sales woman swooned over. "Lisa." Alta finally cornered her in the dressing room away from the watchful eyes of the sales woman. "This isn't exactly me. I don't want a long frilly, elaborate wedding gown." Lisa looked at her friend and saw in her expression the desperate need for her to understand. "I want a wedding that's nice and simple... just the family... and I don't feel right in this much dress." Alta's hands pulled at the yards of lacy fabric that seemed to swallow her in a sea of foamy white dress. She wanted the wedding to be special. She didn't want to get married in denim and leather, but she didn't feel like herself in these dresses.

"Ok. We'll look for something simple... but elegant. This is good, Alta. Now we can narrow things down a bit." Lisa's deep brown eyes were soft and comforting as she put an arm around Alta's shoulder and gave her an affectionate squeeze.

**… … …**

She came to him in a dream. He recognized her before he could see her face. The feel of her… the smell of her… her long dark hair and long dark, blood red robe swirling around her… he could smell the green of the glade and he knew he was standing by the river.

"Why am I here?" Sam's anger over her deceit was still fresh in him.

"Why are you still angry? I can feel the delight in your soul." Tabbris's voice echoed softly around him. "You haven't felt delight in so many years, have you?"

"What do you want with me?" Sam refused to let her sidetrack his anger.

"Is it so hard to let go of your anger and be thankful?" She waited but Sam didn't answer. He had little capacity to forgive or to trust and she had proven to be devious. He acknowledged… at least to himself that he was delighted that Alta was pregnant and that they were going to be married but it was unlikely he would forgive or forget that Tabbris used him and Alta… toyed with their lives as if they were her pets… as if she had the right.

"Why are you in my dreams?" Sam's face was emotionless as he gazed into her dark eyes. _"What do you want with me?"_

"I came to warn you." Tabbris knew she would not be forgiven, but no matter. She had done what needed to be done. They were in love… a child would be born and they would begin the next generation of hunters… the next generation of Winchesters would be raised in the life. "Your instincts about the Campbell's are true. They are coming for Alta and for you."

Sam's eyes opened to see Alta sleeping peacefully beside him. He gazed at her face… so calm… so beautiful; her auburn hair splayed across the pillow. He eased his hand up bringing a long strand to his face, the silkiness of it on his skin and the smell of her in his nostrils ignited fire in his gut. She was his… and she carried his child. He would do whatever he had to do to keep her safe. Not for Tabbris… not for the Angels. He hated the Angels and he hated the games they played with his life and Alta's. It was wrong. Everything he'd ever believed told him it was wrong. But what he had with Alta… the love they had… their child… that much was right. He would make it right.

**... ... ...**

Mark called Alta when he reached Sioux Falls and Alta gave directions to the house. She was so pleased to have family arriving but her joy was short lived as they all sat in the living room to catch up.

"Richard?" Sam searched his memory. He barely remembered Richard. He was older, Christian's age but not nearly as talented… not near the hunter that Christian was. Sam couldn't remember a single time that Samuel had chosen to take Richard on a hunt with them. "Does he even hunt?'

"He does now." Mark sighed. "I took a calculated risk with the two battles we fought, but the stakes were high and I counted both battles as a win."

"You are right to do so." Sophia's clear blue eyes followed Mark as he slowly paced the floor. Sophia was only a few inches taller than Alta and the family resemblance was strong between the two women, the blond and the auburn haired Campbell women. Sonya shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was young, only fourteen and so much like her sister with haunting dark blue eyes and strawberry blond hair. No doubt, the Campbell women were pretty. And Sophia, like Alta was a good hunter.

"So… the rest of the clan doesn't put those battles in the win column?" Sam pondered Mark's actions as he paced the floor. He wondered if there wasn't something else bothering his cousin. Sam had been on many hunts with Mark and Samuel had sent Mark out to lead small hunting parties. Samuel knew his hunters and he knew who he could trust and who he needed to keep close. Sam he'd tried to keep close and Christian he always kept close. But Mark he trusted. He was loyal and Sam liked that about Mark. There was no doubt how Alta felt about these two younger cousins. Mark had always been one of Alta's favorites and her face always lit up when she saw him. Sam knew that Sophia looked up to Alta but he knew nothing of Sophia's young sister. Sonya had never been involved in the family business.

"They did at first. The warehouse was a source of pain and pride but as time wore on and then the battle at Carthage took out so many of the best hunters… older ones… experienced, cooler heads… There were other hunts that didn't go well… more newbies hunting and not enough experience in the field. Richard began to pick at things. People wanted someone to blame. He blamed me… and you…" Mark cut sad eyes toward Alta. "…and you." He looked at Sam. "Richard's bitter. Christian was his brother and he never got over losing him."

Sam eyes widened in understanding. _That's where Richard fit into the puzzle… through Christian. Bad seed_. "So why are you here?" Sam immediately cut to the heart.

"Sam!" Alta was stunned at his lack of feeling.

"No. He's right to ask." Mark raised his hand in a gesture to comfort Alta. "We came because Alta invited us to the wedding." He glanced quickly at Sophia. "And we want a new start away from the Campbell's." Mark sighed and finally sat down. His shoulders were slumped and he looked defeated. "I tried to get you to lead the clan because I knew if anybody could bring us together… if anyone could keep us from falling apart… You could out smart Richard and the clan would follow you."

"If it was me, I would take Richard out… end him and the conflict he caused." Sam's words silenced the room. They were hard and dark but Mark knew them to be true and he knew the other half of that equation, the half Sam didn't say aloud. _If I were Richard, I would end you… eliminate the competition._

Mark gave a quick glance to Sophia. Her eyes spoke tender volumes of the struggle within him. "I'm not cut out for that job and I'm afraid it's too late now."

"You are infinitely better for the job than Richard." Alta was indignant. She could feel Mark's pain.

"That may be, but that's not how it played out."

"We still want to hunt." Sophia finally spoke. "But not with the Campbell's."

"We're not a clan." Sam stated flatly, his arms crossed over his chest. "There's just me and Alta, Dean and Bobby." Sam eyes were dark and narrow. He was cold, emotionless. Alta had become used to Sam with a soul… had learned to love him but at this moment, Sam's soul was buried deep behind the wall. He was the man she first fell in love with… strong, hard and powerful. To Mark, this was Sam. He'd always known Sam… soulless. "We don't function like a clan. We don't have a leader."

"Well, we'll be in town until the wedding and after that we'll keep in touch." Mark nodded to Alta then turned to Sam. "We'll be ready to help you anytime you need us and I'd like to know if I can call on you for help."

"Who else knows about the wedding besides you?" Sam was wishing Alta had not called Mark to invite him.

"No one. I thought it best to keep it to myself." Mark turned sad eyes to Alta. "I'm sorry. I wasn't sure who I could trust."

"Still you could have been followed." Sam sighed. "Time to put your loyalties to the test." Sam's voice was a low soft challenge. His dark gaze moved from Mark and lingered over Sophia before it traveled over Sonya. There was an almost imperceptible hint of regret in the brief glance he spared for the child.

Mark didn't flinch as he stared up into Sam's face. "If there's any trouble with the clan… I'll stand with you and Alta."

"I will too." Sophia added.

"Thanks." Alta's hand lay softly on Sophia's shoulder and she smiled at Mark. Her eyes cut to Sam. This was not what she wanted for a wedding but she was beginning to see that this would be her life. Life as a Winchester would be hard, disappointing at times but she had faith that when all was said and done, her life with Sam would be worth it.

"We're a little road weary." Mark's shy smile returned. "We'll be at the Quality Inn near the airport." The moment had been tense but the two men seemed to have gotten past whatever it was that made Sam bristle.

Sam and Alta stood on the porch watching them leave. "You were flinging an awful lot of testosterone around." Alta rolled her eyes at Sam. "What was that all about?"

"Alta." Sam grabbed her arms, turning her to face him and holding her as he fixed her with his dark eyes. Alta knew this Sam. He was determined and he would not take 'No' for an answer. "These are seriously dangerous times. No one… _no one_ is going to get close to you until I know for sure it's safe." Sam's eyes softened. "Please don't make me the bad guy in this…" His soft eyes were fleeting and the hard edge crept back into his face. "…but if I have to be the bad guy, I will."

"You think Mark's not to be trusted?"

"I think he's honest. He's telling the truth. But this is just another reason for me to be unsure about the rest of the clan." He gave a heavy sigh and gazed into her eyes. "Alta, every nerve in my body is telling me that this is going to be bad. I think we need to rethink how we're doing this wedding. Maybe we need to change plans a bit." He could see the hurt in her eyes. "Just hear me out. I have an idea."

**… … …**

"Are you sure about this?" Dean looked deep into his brother's eyes. He knew the answer before he asked the question but he just wanted Sam to think on this and make sure he was certain it was the only way. "The Campbell's are Alta's family."

"I know. But her _family's _coming to kill me and probably her too."

"Are you sure about Mark?"

"Yea, positive."

Dean sighed. "Alright, I'll back your play."

**… … …**

They found the Campbell's holed up in an abandoned house on the edge of town. They went in lean and light. Sam, Dean and Mark. Samuel's old van sat in the drive and Sam sniffed the stench still clinging to it… the smell old blood…the smell of all the creatures they'd carried and tortured… their terror of him… His legacy remained and Sam's gut churned.

Mark returned from recon of the house. He eyed the brothers. "There's only six of them." Mark gave a small painful smile. "Appears the numbers have dwindled even more." He gazed back toward the house.

The three hunters huddled close in the darkness. "Is your head in the game?" Sam asked Mark.

"I'm with you." Mark nodded. "We need to take them out… finish it."

Sam grabbed Mark's arm, his dark eyes boring into Mark's blue ones. "Alta doesn't know anything about this…" Sam continued to hold his gaze. "I don't want her to know Richard was even close. As far as she will ever know Richard never left Pennsylvania." Mark nodded agreement. "If she finds out about this, I'll put a bullet in your head."

The three of them divided. Sam and Dean entered the front. Sam's well placed foot crashed in the door and Dean crossed the threshold low, sweeping left to right; his pistol drawn and firing while Sam was immediately behind him shot gun aimed and firing as he swept right to left. The Campbell's were gathered in the front room. They scattered as the Winchesters crashed into the room each leaping for his weapon. Richard made a break for the back door and ran head-on into Mark. It was quick. They caught the hunters unaware. There was no talking… no negotiation… no prisoners. Sam, Dean and Mark gathered the bodies and burned them.

Mark went back to the Quality Inn to Sophia and Sonya. "It's finished." He told Sophia. "The plan worked. Richard is dead." Sophia breathed a sigh of relief. They were safe and free. Mark didn't tell her that it was his bullet that ended Richard… that finally ended the clan. He knew she would assume it was Sam. She didn't ask and he left it that way.

**… … …**

Lisa was in bed when Dean made it home. She didn't see him dirty, sweaty and bloody. He showered quickly and put his clothes in the wash before he slipped into bed. He didn't go by Bobby's for a drink. He didn't go by the bar. He didn't stop in the kitchen to drown out the foul taste of the nights killings… murders. Instead he reached for Lisa's warm soft body. He buried his face in her hair filling his senses with the smell of her flowery shampoo and drowning out the stench of blood.

"Dean?" Her sleepy voice was sweet and innocent. "I didn't expect you back so early. Did you boys have fun at Sam's bachelor party?" Dean didn't answer but he pulled her close to him and nuzzled the tender skin just below her ear and snaked his tongue out to taste her… clean and pure. "Umm…" She purred softly and he welcomed the soft sounds of her beginning passion in his ears. Dean's hands slipped under her night gown tracing a burning path along her skin as he pulled her clothing off. He was desperate to feel her against him, alive and warm and as far away from death as he could get.

"Dean." She whispered his name as his soft lips traced from her ear down her neck, lingering on her pulse, feeling her heart beat against his lips. He pulled her to her back and hovered over her trailing licks and kisses across her collar bone. He felt her shiver as he moved down her body tasting her flesh… bringing out little gasps as he lightly bit and scraped her nipples through his teeth, and then feeling the tenseness drain from her as he soothed her with his tongue.

"Dean." She gasped and ran her fingers through his hair as he moved slowly down her body. He swirled his tongue around her navel delaying his progress and watching her skin flame when he moved lower. He knelt between her legs and moved his hands slowly across the top of her thighs; his hands moving closer to her aching center as his mouth tasted its way down her stomach and into the soft black curls that framed her core.

"Dean." He heard his name soft on her lips… like it was a good thing… like he was good… like he could do something good. He slipped his fingers into her and groaned at her wetness.

"Tell me it's good." He whispered, needing her affirmation.

"Oh, Dean… s'good…" He snaked his tongue across her clit and felt her tremble. "So good…" She whispered.

The white heat of passion began to burn in Dean's belly as he drove her closer to the edge, working his fingers, finding all the places he knew so well would make her breathless. He used his tongue and his lips, sucking and licking her… drinking in her passion as he flayed every nerve in her body. And she begged. "Dean… please…" Her body arched into his mouth and he caressed her with his tongue until she shook with the force of her release. He eased back up her limp body and pulled her hard against him. He pressed her face into his neck so he could feel her hot breath on him as she panted. And he needed more.

"Dean?" Her soft voice in his ear flamed the fire in his gut as he eased his body between her legs. She felt his hard erection poised to enter her and she trailed her fingers down his spine until her hands rested on his hard ass. A little push from her was all he needed and he thrust deeply into her groaning at the warm, wet tightness of her. Dean buried himself deep in her as he buried his face into the pillow beside her head and his burning need and passion drove out all other thoughts… of the hunt… of the kill… of the cold and heartless man he had become. There was nothing tearing at him… nothing… just the driving passion of his need and Lisa's warm embrace.

**… … …**

A hot shower, freshly washed hair with some conditioner to tame the thick mane... He took extra care with his teeth and put cream on his freshly shaved face. Sam stared at that face in the mirror and thought about who he was when he first met Alta. He felt a hot rush remembering the feelings of pure lust she sparked in his soulless self. Her prowess as a hunter intrigued him. Her grace of movement in a fight flamed his desire for her. The beauty of her rage… her courage… the fact that she stood up to him, fought him when everyone else would back down made his desire for her burn all the hotter. And he remembered that even then… he knew… even without a soul… he knew. He remembered her scent... the smell of Alta... How he became lost in her... her heat... her smell...the feel of her body... the look of passion as her eyes fluttered shut… the way her lips pouted in a soft prayer when she gave herself to him. He knew, even without a soul… he loved her. Sam looked deeply into the eyes that faced him from the mirror and he knew precious little of his ragged soul was left in him. He knew he needed her, he had always needed her. And he knew what he would do for her… he knew what he was capable of. There was no doubt in him… no regret. He knew he'd done the right thing… to keep her safe.

Thirty minutes later Sam stepped out of the back door of Makawee's house toward the fire and the Medicine Wheel. His shoulders seemed impossibly broad in his black suit and his body tapered to his slim waist accentuated by the well fitted jacket. His long chestnut brown hair was tucked behind his ears and he moved gracefully to the trunk of the Charger straightening his dark red tie and tucking it into the beige vest he sported. He opened the trunk and gazed at the arsenal within it. He tucked his pistol in the back of his pants and pulled out a brightly shining blade... an Angel's blade... one that Castiel had given him. Sam gazed at the bright unknown metal of the multi edged blade. He absently ran his thumb across one edge, praying that there would be no need for this today.

"There will be no need for that today." Wahkan's deep soft voice floated from behind him. Sam turned to the elder who seemed to read his thoughts and watched as he added wood to the fire and placed a bundle of sage atop it. He motioned for Sam to join the men around the fire. "When the women are ready, they will come." The sage began to smolder and smoke circled as Wahkan fanned it with a hawk's wing. The smell of the sage filled the air around them…. They were all strangely quiet, contemplating the fire. Sam was going over the words he would soon speak, playing them over in his mind.

The smoke from the sage rose like a white cloud and as they watched, white wings appeared within the smoke. The rush of Angel's wings made Sam tense and his hand went instinctively to the blade in his jacket. They had taken care of the threat of invasion from the clan and went to great pains to keep this day secret for fear of interference from Tabbris or Balthazar… or a host of other unwanted creatures that might have a reason to cause trouble. Dean was armed with an Angel's blade as well as Sam and he was quick to rest his hand on the hilt. They waited, dreading what they thought might be unwelcomed guests. It was Castiel who suddenly appeared out of the smoke.

"Cas." Dean was quick to question his friend. "How did you know?" Castiel glanced at the fire, his eyes following the smoke as it rose heavenward.

"I smelled you from heaven." Cas gazed intently at Sam. He held out his hand. "Let me see the rings." Sam hesitated. Castiel's eyes closed and he quietly sighed. Sam gave him the rings. As Castiel rubbed them between his fingers they began to glow brightly. He blew on them and handed them back to Sam. "No one else will come today."

"It's not a Christian ceremony." Sam lifted his eyes from the rings to gaze questioningly at Castiel. He felt as if he was being disloyal.

Castiel sighed. "Why do you assume the Judeo-Christian is the only path to my father?" Sam felt relieved and Wahkan smiled.

**… … …**

Alta stood before the mirror watching as Lisa brushed her hair. A warm look passed between them. Lisa's soft brown eyes connected with Alta's crystal green ones. Kat captured a quick picture of them reflected in the mirror. "So beautiful." Lisa whispered. And Alta thought she was right. She felt special… lovely. She would not marry as she had hoped, with all her family around. The clan was no longer her family. The day would be private, secret with Sam's family around her. This day would be different than anything she had ever expected for a wedding day. But her life with Sam had been different than anything she had ever expected and that was not likely to change.

She refused to get married in denim and leather. This day she wanted to feel like a woman, not a hunter. She refused to wear a veil. Instead she wore a tiny headband of rhinestones that peeked out from her thick hair. She wore light makeup. Her dress was beige, strapless and she wore her hair down, spilling across her bare shoulders in a gentle auburn curl; just the way Sam liked it. In spite of being past four months it was still not obvious that she was pregnant and the simple A-line satin gown flowed gracefully to the floor. A deep red satin ribbon tied in a delicate bow circled her waist and trailed down the front of her dress.

Alta reflected on all that had happened since she met Sam. She remembered him, so tall and mysterious. He was powerful and he made her hunger for him when he was near her. She remembered the heated passion of their love making… remembered how he caressed her… watched her… guided her… praised her… and how he claimed her as his own and fire burned deep in her belly. She watched him hunt without fear, face death and pain… and she'd seen him suffer, weak and wounded. She'd seen his soul tormented and nearly destroyed, little sparkling flakes of it flying off into oblivion… lost forever. She had seen what was left of his ragged soul. And she had shown him the dark places in her soul. Alta sighed at her reflection in the mirror. She was better because of all of it, they both were. She knew the beauty of him that lay beyond her sight and he knew her inner beauty as well. She felt little butterflies deep inside her and she couldn't wait to see Sam's face when he saw her.

"Are you ready?" Makawee smiled at Alta and gently placed a shawl across her shoulders. "I wore this on my wedding day. It can be your 'something borrowed'. It's cold outside and this will keep you warm." Alta caught a quick glimpse of sorrow in Makawee's eyes yet there was also peace. The shawl was deep brown buckskin, cut in a triangle with long fringe down the sides that fell to the floor. The leather was soft and caressed her bare shoulders. It was ornately decorated with turquoise and bone beads. Alta turned and kissed Makawee's cheek.

"Thank you."

The women came out and led Alta down the front steps to where the men were gathered by the fire. Alta's eyes locked with Sam's. His eyes were the deep dark blue that only she could see in him. She had no idea who was there anymore. All she could see was Sam. Makawee's soft drum and the tinkling bells of the fringe on her regalia played soft and sweet back ground as Wahkan's soft chants filled the air.

…

_*Wakinyan! Ozuye Chikala!_

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East and the element of Air,

for openness and breath, communication of the heart,

and purity of the mind and body.

From the east you receive the gift of a new beginning

with the rising of each Sun and the understanding

that each day is a new opportunity for growth.

.

_*Wakinyan! Ozuye Chikala!_

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South and the element of fire,

for energy, passion, creativity and the warmth of a loving home.

From the fire within you, generate light which you will share

with one another in even the darkest of times.

.

_*Wakinyan! Ozuye Chikala!_

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West, the element of water,

for your capacity to feel emotion.

In marriage you offer absolute trust to one another,

and vow to keep your hearts open in sorrow as well as joy.

.

_*Wakinyan! Ozuye Chikala!_

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North, the element of earth,

which provides sustenance, fertility and security.

The earth will feed and enrich you, and help you to build a stable home

to which you may always return.

…

**Sam held out his hands to Alta and led her step by step around the fire. He took the first step and held her in his soft gaze. "My beloved, our love has become firm by your walking as one with me. Together we will share the responsibilities of the lodge, food and children. May the Creator bless us with noble children to share. May they live long."

Alta stepped up to him and gazed deep into his eyes. "This is my commitment to you, my husband. Together we will share the responsibility of the home, food and children. I promise that I shall discharge all my share of the responsibilities for the welfare of the family and the children."

Sam took a second step, still holding her hands in his, their eyes still locked. "My beloved, now you have walked with me the second step. May the Creator bless you. I will love you and you alone as my wife. I will fill your heart with strength and courage: this is my commitment and my pledge to you. May God protect the lodge and children."

Alta was lost in his gaze as she repeated the words of her heart to him. "My husband, at all times I shall fill your heart with courage and strength. In your happiness I shall rejoice. May God bless you and our honorable lodge.

Step by step, Sam continued to lead his new wife around the fire. "My beloved, now since you have walked three steps with me, our wealth and prosperity will grow. May God bless us. May we educate our children and may they live long."

Alta's voice was strong as she committed herself to him. "My husband, I love you with single-minded devotion as my husband. I will treat all other men as my brothers. My devotion to you is pure and you are my joy. This is my commitment and pledge to you."

Sam's smile was soft and his whole being was focused only on her. "My beloved, it is a great blessing that you have now walked four steps with me. May the Creator bless you. You have brought favor and sacredness in my life."

She saw only Sam. For this moment he was her whole world. "My husband, in all acts of righteousness, in material prosperity, in every form of enjoyment, and in those divine acts such as fire sacrifice, worship and charity, I promise you that I shall participate and I will always be with you."

He continued to lead her, enticing her with the promise in his eyes. "My beloved, now you have walked five steps with me. May the Creator make us prosperous. May the Creator bless us."

She continued to follow, watching the light of the fire play across his face giving his skin a warm glow. "My husband, I will share both in your joys and sorrows. Your love will make me very happy."

Everyone gathered in the circle around the fire watched with affection for them as he led her yet another step. "My beloved, by walking six steps with me; you have filled my heart with happiness. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace, time and time again. May the Creator bless you.

Dean's arm was wrapped possessively around Lisa and she leaned into him feeling his warmth and feeling Alta's heart as she made her promise to Sam. "My husband, the Creator blesses you. May I fill your heart with great joy and peace. I promise that I will always be with you."

And in one final step, Sam poured out his heart to her. "My beloved goddess, as you have walked the seven steps with me. Our love and friendship have become inseparable and firm. We have experienced spiritual union in God. Now you have become completely mine. I offer my total self to you. May our marriage last forever."

She took his heart and his ragged soul deep into her own heart. "My husband, by the law of the Creator, and the spirits of our honorable ancestors, I have become your wife. Whatever promises I gave you I have spoken them with a pure heart. All the spirits are witnesses to this fact. I shall never deceive you, nor will I let you down. I shall love you forever."

… … …

Everyone gathered in Makawee's living room and enjoyed the evening together. Papers were signed. Sam Adam Winchester was joined in marriage to Alta Ann Campbell and Alta signed her name as Alta Campbell Winchester.

… … …

_**TBC**_

_***Wakinyan! Ozuye Chikala! = Thunderbird! Little Warrior!**_

_***The blessings of the four directions of the Medicine Wheel**_

_****Native American rite of seven steps**_

_**Once again I hope you enjoyed my trip into Native American Spirituality for Sam and Alta's wedding**_

_**Please share your thoughts and comments. Thanks to everyone who comments, alerts and favorites. You keep the story of Sam and Alta alive with your comments and loyalty.**_

_**Next time I hope will be Ben's first hunt… and maybe Alta and Sam's first trip to the doctor and a peek at the baby.**_


	48. Chapter 48

**Family Secrets: Part three – Old Haunts/New Beginnings: chapter 8**

_**The days grow shorter and the nights are getting long**_

_**Feels like we're running out of time**_

_**Every day it seems much harder tellin' right from wrong**_

_**You got to read between the lines**_

_**.**_

_**Don't get discouraged; don't be afraid, we can**_

_**Make it through another day**_

_**Make it worth the price we pay**_

_**.**_

_**The Good Book says it's better to give than to receive**_

_**I do my best to do my part**_

_**Nothin' in my pockets; I got nothin' up my sleeve**_

_**I keep my magic in my heart**_

_**.**_

_**Keep up your spirit, keep up your faith, baby**_

_**I am counting on you**_

_**You know what you've got to do**_

_**.**_

_**Fight the good fight every moment**_

_**Every minute every day**_

_**Fight the good fight every moment**_

_**It's your only way**_

_Fight the Good Fight - Triumph_

... ... ...

"You're gonna have to explain this one to me." Dean stared at the grainy black and white photo turning it first one direction and then another. His eyes squinted as he tried to make sense of it. "I can't see it."

"Dean." Sam gave a small chuckle and pointed to the image in the picture. "Look. This is the baby's head." Sam circled his finger around the line of the baby's head and then traced along the spine. "This is the backbone. See?"

"Yea." Dean's face eased into a little smile of recognition and wonder. "Look at that big ole belly!" He traced his finger along the line of the body of the fetus lying on its side, cradled in Alta's womb.

Sam snickered. "Yea, I know." Alta smiled at the two of them lost in wonder as they continued to gaze at the photograph. She didn't think she'd ever seen Sam snicker, at least not with joy and she'd never seen that look of wonder on Dean's face. It was so charmingly out of character for these two seasoned hunters who'd lived their lives deep in a man's world. She'd lived her own life in the world of hunting, of blood and death, whiskey, guns and blades. The contrast made everything about this pregnancy an affirmation of life… a refreshing new way to feel about the world. _Maybe it's just the hormones._

"What's that thing? Is it a boy?" Dean grinned at his brother, his eyebrows raised in question.

"Dean." Sam huffed and rolled his eyes. "That's his leg. He's stretching it out. I guess they caught him in mid kick."

"Oh… I just thought he was a true Winchester. I mean if it was…" Dean's eyebrows waggled and he continued his silly grin, eliciting a similar grin from Sam. "For a leg, it's kinda stubby looking. Must take after Alta… doesn't have your freaky long legs." Dean elbowed his brother and they exchanged a laugh between them.

Alta rolled her eyes. _Men!_

"Is it a boy?" Dean asked "Can't they tell from these… what'd you call em?"

"Ultrasound." Sam informed his brother. "If the baby cooperates and show's himself… or herself. But it wasn't cooperative today so we don't know yet."

"Well, uncooperative. Imagine that. A Winchester being uncooperative." Bobby snorted as he came into Dean's garage. "I saw your car… thought you'd be in here." He gave Alta a quick hug before glaring affectionately at Sam. "You planning on showing me the pictures?"

"Yea, of course." Sam handed the pictures to Bobby. "Here I'll show you…"

"I can figure it out." He winked at Alta and turned the picture to her as he outlined the image of the baby with his finger. "That's the baby's head… and I can see the spine. Looks like she's sucking her thumb." Alta smiled and nodded.

"Show off." Dean mumbled. "What makes you think it's a girl?"

"Well, I hope it's a girl. I've had enough of you Winchester boys." Bobby huffed. "This time I want a little girl."

"What? Samantha wasn't enough of a girl for you?" Dean grinned at his brother. Sam flushed and Alta looked puzzled.

"Dean." Sam sighed.

"Oh, yea. Sam was so sensitive and touchy feely he was practically a girl." Dean almost howled with laughter at the look of total shock on Alta's face and she realized that Dean was the only person on the planet who would ever even _think_ of teasing Sam so relentlessly. And Sam seemed to like it.

**… … …**

"It's pretty much a simple 'salt and burn'... more of an irritated spirit than an angry one." Sam handed the notes to Dean. "Prefect to get Ben started." He watched his 'big' brother gauging his reaction. It was later the same afternoon. They came back to Bobby's so Alta could help him man the phones and do a little research. Sam took the opportunity to approach his brother alone.

"He's only just turned fourteen. There's plenty of time..." Dean laid the papers down on the little desk in a corner of his garage. He turned to the vintage Thunderbird he was working on and ran his hand absently along the hood.

"Dean, maybe as many as a hundred demons got loose before we closed the gateway at Carthage and we know that Michael and Balthazar are gunning for us." Sam sighed. "We don't really know if we can trust Tabbris and Zagzagel."

"My gut feeling is _no_ on those two."

"I'm with you on that." Sam gazed at his brother's back. "Look, he's your son..." Sam shifted from one foot to the other. "But we don't have time to ease him into this slowly. I'm surprised something hasn't hit us before now." Dean turned facing his brother. Emotions played across his face. He wanted to argue this point with Sam. He wanted desperately to keep Ben out of the field, keep him pacified on the research end of the business as long as he could. But he knew, deep down in his hunter's bones Sam was right. He wasn't sure how but he knew Michael and Balthazar would make a move and he didn't put anything beyond the realm of possibility. And then there were the demons.

"So far as I can tell it's only strange noises and lights. No death or even injuries related to it. It's a typical restless spirit. Something we wouldn't even bother with except that it's a good training run for Ben… just like Dad used to do for us." Sam could see Dean's face change as memories flooded back to mind. "Better than having him meet a demon first time out… or a vamp."

"Alright, tomorrow's Saturday. Wanna do it then?" Dean picked up Sam's research staring at it before he sighed and dropped it back on the desk. "Might as well take this home, give it to Ben and let him get started." Dean snorted and grinned at Sam. "Maybe he can find something you missed."

"Maybe." Sam smiled. "We'll leave out in the morning."

"Yea." Dean dropped down on the dolly and rolled under the Thunderbird abruptly putting the conversation to an end.

**… … …**

"It's just a simple 'salt and burn'. Don't you have classes on Saturday?" Sam avoided Alta's eyes. He wasn't sure how she would take the news.

"It's Ben's first hunt. You don't think I want to be there?" Alta hated being left out. She knew she would have to back out as the pregnancy progressed. It wouldn't be safe. She would be off her game but she wasn't ready to give up yet. "Lisa can sub on my classes."

"We could use the money from the classes." Sam looked at the beer he held in his hands, still avoiding her eyes. He didn't want to see the hurt. She knew he was avoiding her. "I thought about getting a job too. We need a lot of stuff for the baby."

"I know, but we still have time. And you can fill in for me for a few months with the classes."

"You want me to teach self-defense to women?" Sam finally met her eyes. "You think the women would go for that?"

Alta snorted. "Yes. Believe me they'll love to have you… for a teacher. Hell, they probably won't want me back after they have you teaching them for a few months."

"What do you mean? You're an expert at self-defense, worlds better than me… and a better teacher."

Alta laughed. "You really are clueless!" The quizzical look on his face was all the proof she needed. He had no idea. "Do you ever look in a mirror? Every woman in Sioux Falls has looked at you." She moved close to him, nudging against him as his arms reflexively moved around her and his large hands rested on her hips. She ran her hands across his chest, moving them to rest on his shoulders. "You'll definitely keep the class's attention but I'm not sure I want to share you with the class."

Sam gazed at her, a smile and a question playing across his dimpled face. "You're kidding." He snorted out a laugh. "One look at all the scars on this body would gross them out."

"Oh, I don't think so." She rolled her eyes at him as she trailed a finger from the dip just below his Adam's apple to his belly button.

"You like my body?" He put his beer on the counter and pulled her against him ducking his head down to brush his lips against hers.

"UmHm." She acknowledged.

"You don't have to share it with anyone." He caught her in an intense gaze. "This body is yours." His gaze traveled over her. "I won't share your body either."

She recognized the eyes that looked down at her now, dark and full of lust. _God how he could turn on a dime._ She knew he'd successfully manipulated her away from the subject of the hunt. But she was getting better at recognizing his tactics. "You changed the subject."

Sam stopped midway toward another kiss. His brows pinched together; his mouth turned in a frown. "What subject?"

"Ben's first hunt…"

He sighed. "Alta, it was one thing when I knew you were pregnant but now I've seen the baby and it's so _real_ to me." He sighed and pulled away from her. She had a sneaky feeling she knew where he was heading with this. "Anything could happen… I just want you and the baby to be safe." He struggled to find the right words as he paced across the floor. "Ghosts can reach inside you and…" His fist gripped in mid-air. "There's no guarantee it isn't something else… it's always a risk." He ran his hands through his hair. "There were as many as a hundred demons that got out before we closed the gateway in Carthage. Alta… why does everyone seem to keep forgetting that? Am I the only one who recognizes the threat here?" His voice was edged with frustration. "These are black days, Alta… very dangerous times for us." He turned to her; his eyes were dark and hard.

_Don't make me the bad guy in this … but if I have to be the bad guy, I will._ Sam's words echoed in her head.

He watched as understanding dawned on her face. She knew he wouldn't let this discussion go on much longer. Maybe she was being too headstrong about this. Maybe she was being selfish. She'd felt demons and ghosts reach into her body and squeeze her heart until she was nearly dead. It wouldn't take much to find the tiny baby inside her and it wouldn't take much to… Her mouth fell open at the horrible thought of a ghostly hand wrapping around her helpless baby… Her eyes grew wide and tears threatened to fall. She turned away from him and gripped the edge of the counter, her knuckles turning white. Alta swallowed hard and a soft whisper flowed painfully through her clenching throat. "Maybe it's not the best time to hunt."

"Alta?" Sam moved to stand behind her. He could smell the fear that radiated off her and it didn't take much for him to see the terrifying visions that ran through her mind. "No one… no _thing_ is going to get to our baby." He reached around her to rest his hands on her belly and he bent down to whisper in her ear. "We'll make it through this… I promise… together we'll make it." His hands rubbed her belly, his body wrapped around her cocooning her in warmth and safety and he felt her body begin to relax.

**… … …**

The Winchester men all piled into the Impala. They met at Bobby's early that morning and packed the trunk together making sure the arsenal was all there, fully stocked, fully functional and properly cleaned. Alta helped with the preparations for the hunt. She watched as the two brothers went through last minute instructions with Ben, making sure he remembered everything he'd been taught. She wondered if one day they would be instructing Sam's child as well. _Of course they would._ Sam held Alta against his body as he kissed her goodbye. She would stay at Bobby's until he came home and Bobby had agreed he had some things to do in town that would keep him just a short phone call away while Alta taught her classes. Mark and Sophia were still in town and Sophia had agreed to hang out at the Studio while Mark was nearby but Sam still felt better knowing Bobby would be keeping watch.

"I'll be at the library." His gruff voice assured Sam.

"We need to get you an iPad." Sam teased. "Maybe I can hustle up a little extra cash while were out of town."

"You can't find everything online." Bobby mumbled back at him. "You make any extra cash, you better be buying a crib and diapers and stuff for my godchild."

**… … …**

"This is the house." Sam gazed out the window at a two story Victorian cottage, abandoned and decidedly unkempt. It had only taken a few hours on the road to arrive at the house outside of Rapid City.

"A bit cliché don't you think?" Dean leaned over the seat and followed Sam's gaze up to the house. "I mean… this house is right out of any one of a hundred B horror movies."

"Well, it's been abandoned for twenty years. I'm sure that doesn't help the property value. But there are reports of strange happenings that go back nearly eighty years."

"There weren't any deaths in these articles." Ben indicated the folder of papers on the back seat next to him.

"We need to get inside and take a look." Dean sighed as he pulled the car around to the side of the house.

"Yea and we need to find the local records." Sam added.

Dean parked and the familiar squeak of the Impala's doors filled the air as the three of them exited.

They found a break in the fence at the side of the house and a little muscle work opened it enough for the men to slip through, first Dean then Sam followed by Ben. The yard was overgrown with brush and skinny little naked trees. It would only be a few more years before the house was invisible from the road, hidden by the trees growing wild in the yard. They made their way up a set of steps at the back of the porch that wrapped around three sides of the house. Sam tried the back door while Dean and Ben peered into the windows on either side of the door.

"It's opened." Sam whispered and gently pushed the door in. He motioned to Ben and the boy took his place; gun armed with salt bullets drawn and ready. Ben entered low, sweeping from right to left and Sam was above him sweeping left to right. Dean entered immediately behind the others. The house smelled of years of dust and decaying fabric from the furniture and the drapes that hung rotting on the windows. The house was dark with only small shafts of weak sunlight making its way through the trees and the heavy drapes. Three beams from the Winchester's flashlights shown in all directions and the three of them methodically searched the room. An old painting above the fireplace… a family portrait long since forgotten… a nod from Dean and Ben snapped a picture of the portrait with his phone. Iron tools by the fireplace… Sam nudged Ben and pointed to the potential weapons. _Good to know._ The sofa and a couple of chairs were covered with white… or what used to be white drop cloths. There was an old upright piano by a door in the back of the room… probably a bedroom or a study. Directly in front of them was a staircase leading to the upper floor and running along beside the stairs was a hall that led to the back of the house, the kitchen… perhaps a bedroom as well.

"Split up… see what we can find?" Sam volunteered.

"You go upstairs. Me and Ben will look around down here."

Sam made his way up the stairs slowly, watching the landing as it came into sight. The stairs led to a large open space with four doors… three bedrooms and a bathroom. The upper floor had more daylight filtering in the windows and Sam was able to quickly assess the rooms one by one...

Dean kept Ben in front of him as they moved down the hallway toward the back of the house. Ben slowly opened the door at the end of the hall. They entered the room in formation with Ben going in low and Dean directly behind and above him. Their eyes swept across the room to an alter on the far wall.

"Shit!" Dean exhaled the curse under his breath. Ben's eyes were wide as he cautiously crept forward, flashlight and eyes sweeping the corners and along the walls to make sure he cleared the room before he stepped out too far. Dean pulled out his phone and hit speed dial for Sam.

Sam felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. When he saw Dean's name he knew his brother had found something. He'd cleared all but one of the rooms. He decided to leave it and he hurried down the stairs to see what Dean and Ben had found.

"Dean." Sam answered his phone as his feet bounced along the steps.

"Dude! It's not a spirit." Dean's voice showed his irritation. "Take the hall by the stairs to the back of the house."

"OK." Sam closed his phone as he hit the floor at the bottom of the stairs and turned quickly to make his way down the hall. Sam joined Dean and Ben examining the alter. It was draped with a black cloth a pentagram embroidered in the center. Two large black pillar candles flanked the menagerie of herbs and bones. Sam ran his fingers lightly over the cloth. "This cloth is old." He seemed to study it for a moment. "But it's not dusty. It's been placed here very recently."

Ben motioned to an odd looking twisted plant. "Angelica root. I bet it's a witch. Angelica root's all about female power."

"Yea." Sam pointed to several chips of deep red resin that lay next to some straw like plants. "Dragon's blood and I think this is Witch grass." His lips tightened and turned into a frown. His forehead wrinkled as he glanced at Dean.

"Someone's making a pact here." Dean's face wrinkled in disgust. "I hate witches." He glanced at his young son. This was supposed to be a simple 'salt and burn' not a witch hunt. "Damn!" The curse slipped softly from his lips and both Ben and Sam's eyes were on Dean.

"A stake out tonight? See who comes to call here?" Sam waited for Dean's reply.

Dean was still gazing at Ben. "Let's fine a motel and suss this out before we make any plans."

**… … …**

Sophia gazed out of the office window watching Alta as she led the class of women. The workout music drummed out its staccato rhythm as the women simultaneously kicked and punched their way through the routine. She smirked and wondered if any of them… the porky middle aged ones or the perky twenty year olds would do anything but faint if they were faced with a mugger. And the thought of any of them faced with a werewolf or a ghoul was laughable. They had no idea. She glanced back at Sonya who sat at Lisa's desk thumbing a game on her phone and absently rocking to the beat of the workout music. She was going to have to do something about her sister. She just didn't quite know what yet. If they stayed here she would have to put her in school. Sophia cringed. _That was a disaster waiting to happen._ She turned back to the window… watching… waiting.

Bobby wandered through the archive section of the library. He'd been through here so many times over the years he knew it by heart. But he supposed there was always a chance he'd come across something he missed and he thought as he gazed at the titles one of them might jar a memory and put him on to something. He'd expected more action from the demons that had got loose from Hell before they closed the gate but it was strangely quiet… too quiet. It made him a mite uneasy. Not that there was anything wrong with quite. He liked quiet. It was just the storm that always came after the quiet he hated. Sam seemed convinced that the storm would swirl itself around Alta but Bobby wasn't so sure. He didn't quite have all the pieces and he knew it. He really needed to be rummaging through his own extensive library. He had books that were more ancient than anything here and this thing with Tabbris and Michael and the rest of those Angelic _dicks_… whatever it was… had to be very ancient. Bobby glanced at his watch. Almost time to wrap this up and he could take Alta back home. He had to admit he liked having her around to give him a break manning the phones and helping with the research.

Mark sat quietly by himself nursing a cup of coffee. He could see the entrance of the studio clearly and he had a view of the street for several blocks in either direction. He steeled himself against the cold sitting on the bench at the bus stop. Sioux Falls was a sleepy town. People came and went on the sidewalk hurrying against the cold and the traffic moved at a disciplined, orderly pace back and forth along the street. It wasn't anything like the often confusing hustle and bustle of big eastern cities. Hard to get lost… or be unnoticed in a western town like this. People tended to know each other… get all up in each other's business a little too much. But he liked the idea of being near family… Sam and Alta he knew and trusted. Bobby and Dean he thought he could reach a place of mutual trust with them too. It wasn't the clan but better than nothing and what was left of his life with the clan was just that… nothing. Mark didn't regret his choices. He'd done what had to be done and he'd live the rest of his life the same way but having some family… a place to be… a place to call home… would be nice. He just needed to convince Sophia.

It wasn't hard to see the Winchesters were taking all precautions to keep an eye on the expectant mother. She was never alone. If Sam wasn't with her, then Bobby or Dean was close at hand. The stake out around the studio now was obvious with the addition of two new players. These two Campbell's… also hunters. It would take some finesse to get to her. But the woman who watched from the coffee shop was formulating a plan. She knew Alta's weakness and she knew how to draw her out… or rather to draw Sam away.

**… … …**

"Damn it, Sam! This was supposed to be a simple salt and burn." Dean hissed through his teeth as he huddled next to the Impala. The brothers had left Ben in the motel room researching. "How could you be so far off?"

"Dean. I showed you the research. It was good." Sam was trying to talk Dean down from his anger.

"Sam… if you set this up… knowing…" Dean lips trembled with rage. "You know Ben's not ready for something like this."

"Dean! I wouldn't set Ben up!" Sam was hurt. "There's always a chance a hunt can turn into something you don't expect. Dad taught us that. Hell most of the hunts we've ever done turned into something we didn't expect. It goes with the territory."

Dean sighed, reining in his temper. "I know… It just… This is what I didn't want… to be caught with Ben in something like this before he's ready."

"Let's just do the research at the county office and when we come back we can see what Ben's found." Sam raised his hands in a placating gesture as he ducked down to catch and hold his brother's eyes. "I didn't set this up, Dean."

Dean saw the truth in those hazel eyes he knew so well. "Yea. I know. I'm just being over protective… maybe. It's just… if something happens to Ben…"

"I know, Dean." Sam clapped his hand on Dean's shoulder and then walked around to the passenger side of the Impala. When they both settled inside the car Sam watched Dean as he started the engine. "Look, when we get the research done, you and Ben go back to Sioux Falls. I'll finish up here. Best case scenario is it's a bunch of teens playing around and I can scare them off the black magic."

Dean chewed on Sam's suggestion for a moment. "No, you need back up."

"Dean. I've done hunts alone… more than you know. I'll be fine." Sam shifted in his seat.

"Yea. When you were soulless and you didn't give a shit." Dean snorted. "You got a wife and a baby to come home to. You need to be smarter than that now." When Dean saw the look on Sam's face he knew he'd made his point. He just needed to figure out what he was going to do now.

Their research at the county office didn't turn up anything new. Ben had found the family in the portrait researching online… the last family to live there who still owned the house. Apparently their youngest child… the three year old on her mother's lap in the portrait had died of unknown cause in the house. SIDS was the official coroner's report. But they weren't thinking it was a spirit now. It was almost certainly a witch or worse yet, a coven… a long standing one and now they knew of at least one victim… the three year old.

When the brothers got back to the motel, it was Ben who started the conversation Dean dreaded.

"What's the plan?" Ben watched Dean. He was a smart kid and he knew Dean was struggling. His voice was carefully neutral. There was no challenge… no petulant teenage angst in his voice or his actions.

"I'll go for coffee." Sam volunteered to give them time alone.

"No." Dean held up his hand. "We came here as a team." He glanced at Sam. "We'll decide the plan together."

Sam smiled and Ben's face was in awe. He had steeled himself for whatever Dean decided. But he didn't think it would go this way. Finally he gave Dean a grateful smile and Dean smiled back. He raised his hand as if he wanted to make a point but then thought better of it and just returned the smile. _If this goes wrong… _Dean's mind couldn't shake the thought.

"So…" Sam clapped his hands together reining them back to the situation at hand. He pulled a chair out from the table, turning it around and straddling it. "Let's run through the possibilities and get a plan together."

**… … …**

If the house was dark during the day, it was pitch black after the sun went down. The Winchesters huddled outside; Sam watched the back door and Dean kept Ben close to him as they watched the front. _If nothing happens tonight we'll have to give up this hunt and get Ben back to Sioux Falls for school on Monday... Something about that is just fucked up!_ Dean pushed the thought from his mind. _Can't be distracted about that now!_ He felt Ben gently nudge an elbow in his side as he motioned toward a couple of dark figures walking up the path to the front of the house. Two more came up quickly behind them. He could hear them talking as they stopped, but he couldn't make out the words. After a moment they proceeded up the stairs and through the front door.

Sam felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he quickly made his way around to Dean and Ben.

"There's four of them… just went into the front door. Sam, I think it just some teenaged girls."

"Well we better be sure." Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. "…and careful. We don't want any dead kids."

Dean pointed to Sam and then back to himself indicating who should go in first. "Let's roll."

Dean eased the door open slowly and the brothers went in formation with Ben closely behind Sam. Once they were in the empty room, Sam quickly maneuvered Ben between him and Dean so he could cover their backs as they progressed down the hall toward the room with the alter. Outside the door they paused. They could see the flickering of candlelight at the bottom of the door and hear the soft chanting of an invocation.

The soft voice of a young girl lilted across the alter. "Agite Tenebrae Abyssi, Ensis Incendens! Et Incendium Caliginis Umbrae Inimicitiae Destructionis Ultionis!"

"That's a real incantation." Sam whispered, his ear pressed to the door. He tried the knob. The door was locked. Dean noticed Sam's so familiar irritated bitch face.

"Incendant et Me et Eum, Sint Solum Incendentes! Incendium Gehennae!" The words of the incantation continued to float through the door.

Sam stood quickly and kicked the door open with a well-placed giant, booted foot. They entered the room, guns drawn and ready as the four girls screamed and scattered. It was too late to stop the results of the ritual as a thin swirl of smoke began to appear above the alter. The girls were kneeling in a corner, huddled in on themselves, wide eyed as they watched the scene unfold.

The candles sputtered and flashed throwing pale, ghostly, green flickers of light as the thin smoke continued to swirl and thicken. The room was filled with a deep gravelly voice muttering low and menacing and growing stronger as the smoke thickened and began to coalesce into a creature that made the girls tremble. It was the image of the ancient demon they had awakened with the incantation. It had the body of a man but the head of a goat with huge horns that curled around its ears. Its glowing red eyes quickly focused on the girls. One of the girls stood and began to walk toward the alter as if in a trance while the others stared in horror.

"Hey! AssHat!" Dean yelled to the demon as he leveled his gun and fired. The bullet didn't kill, it only distracted. But the demon was not interested in Dean and he quickly flung the hunter across the room and refocused on the girl, drawing her closer. Ben began easing up toward the alter moving in the darkness and shadows at the edge of the room.

"Hey!" Sam followed Dean's efforts to distract the demon, quickly firing. He got flung into the opposite wall from Dean for his efforts. But by then Dean was back on his feet.

"Hey!" Dean fired again and braced himself for an impact with the nearest wall. By this time Ben had made his way to the alter. He was just a whisper away from the demon.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Sam was back and screaming at the demon as he fired. Ben grabbed the alter and heaved it over spilling the contents across the floor.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Dean had recovered and was screaming, his heart in his throat as he realized that the demon's focus was now on Ben. He fired at the demon and Sam was up again, screaming and firing at the demon. Ben grabbed the alter cloth and set it ablaze with his lighter. Flames licked quickly through the ancient linen fabric and the demon began to dissolve in ashes with a loud scream that trailed into a low whine as the last of the smoke disappeared. The girl came out of her trance and fell limp to the floor and the other three girls continued to stare wide eyed and speechless.

**… … …**

Ben squeezed between Sam and Dean in the front seat and the girls all piled into the back seat of the Impala for a ride and a lecture from the Winchesters about black magic and making deals with demons. They confiscated the Grimoire that one of the girls had found in the house and left the girls back in town.

Sam ran his hand idly across the cover of the ancient book of spells. "This would explain the eighty years of disturbances." His eyes were thoughtful as Dean glanced at him watching the lights of passing cars flicker across his dark face. "I'm guessing that from time to time someone would find this book and be drawn to that incantation." Sam's face became more pensive as he worked his way through the scenario. "Eventually they would draw up the demon."

They all fell silent thinking about the people who might have died because of the demon. Like the three year old, the reasons for their deaths seeming natural or unexplained, but natural… like SIDS.

"Damn. I'm gonna be sore." Dean stretched his arms out over the dash, finally breaking the silence. Sam stretched his long legs as best he could. It was always like coming home to ride in the Impala after a successful hunt. The engine rumbled beneath them as Dean pushed a little more on the accelerator moving them on down the highway heading back to Sioux Falls.

"Good thinking back there, Ben." Sam was quick to complement his nephew. "What made you think to burn the alter cloth."

"I just figured it would probably break the spell."

"Probably?" Dean cut his eyes toward Sam. "And if it didn't work?"

"That didn't occur to me." Ben replied in a small voice.

"It didn't occur to you it might not work?" Dean rolled his head and sighed. "Reminds me of someone else I know." He cut his eyes to Sam.

"I think he's a natural." Sam laughed.

"Yea. You were brave." Dean sighed and smiled at his son in the rearview mirror. "I'm proud of you, son."

Sam glanced back to see Ben's beaming face. Still a boy… but a very brave one.

**… … …**

"I think we should stay here." Mark leaned against the counter of the kitchenette sipping his coffee and watching Sophia wrestle with the uncertainties that circled in her head. They only had a short time to discuss this before Sonya finished her shower and joined them in the small motel room.

"I think we're better off on the move… off the grid." The fear on Sophia's face was evident as she paced across the floor. She wanted to protect her sister and she thought hiding her was the right thing. "Things are different now. If we couldn't trust the clan, why would you think we can trust the Winchesters?"

"Look, Sophie." Mark spoke softly trying to calm her fears. He thought she was being overprotective. "She can make it in public school. It can't be that bad."

"She's never been to a public school." Sophia was practically wringing her hands. "All she's ever known is the clan."

"Well same for us." Mark countered. "Sophie, nobody can tell, just by looking at her. She's not stupid. She got schooling in the clan. She's smart… she can catch up."

"It's not the school work I'm worried about." Sophia plopped into a chair at the little table in front of Mark. She couldn't run with Sonya by herself. She needed Mark and she could tell he liked being near family so much more than she did. He was way too trustful. "If they find out…" She looked defeated. "Mark, they'll try to use her… like she's a freak… like Richard wanted to do." Sophia took a deep, determined breath and straightened, throwing her shoulders back in defiance. "I won't let that happen. I won't let Sonya be treated like a freak."

_**TBC**_

_**Sorry to take so long to update but life is like that right now. **_

_**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Lots of new threads coming into the story now so stay with me to see where all this goes. You know your comments are welcomed and appreciated. Please take a minute and let me know what you think. The encouragement helps.**_

_**Many thanks to those who comment… you keep me going… and thanks to those who alert and favorite my story.**_


	49. Chapter 49

Family Secrets: Part three – chapter 9

_**Stand in the place where you live**_

_**Now face north**_

_**Think about direction**_

_**Wonder why you haven't before**_

_**Now stand in the place where you work**_

_**Now face west**_

_**Think about the place where you live**_

_**Wonder why you haven't before**_

_**If you are confused, check with the sun**_

_**Carry a compass to help you along**_

_**Your feet are going to be on the ground**_

_**Your head is there to move you around, so**_

_**Stand in the place where you live**_

_**Now face north**_

_**Think about direction**_

_**Wonder why you haven't before**_

_**Now stand in the place where you work**_

_**Now face west**_

_**Think about the place where you live**_

_**Wonder why you haven't before**_

_**Your feet are going to be on the ground**_

_**Your head is there to move you around**_

_**If wishes were trees, the trees would be falling**_

_**Listen to reason**_

_**Season is calling**_

_Stand - REM_

…

Sioux Fall was not a shabby little town. Bobby had lived all his life there and had watched it grow into a 'right respectable' place. Still for all its sophistication it was a small town and it didn't take long for everyone to notice and be curious about the new arrivals... the Winchesters and the Braden's… and now the Campbell's… although it wasn't yet clear whether they were staying or just passing through. Speculation about the newcomers was beginning to become the latest pastime for some of the residents of Sioux Falls.

Lisa had become part of the downtown business community. She was an extrovert, open and friendly, building relationships with her neighbors and her customers. And the addition of a yoga studio down town was welcomed. She had quickly built her business and was becoming quite successful.

Ben made friends at school. He wasn't quite as outgoing as his mother, but he had a confidence about him that gained him respect among his peers, even though he was the new kid and a bit of a loaner.

Dean had gained some respect for his classic car restoration business and he had his buddies at the local pub near Bobby's.

Alta gave classes at Lisa's studio and that gained her some respectability in the community and the women who took her classes all liked and respected her.

But Sam didn't have a cover and no one quite understood what he did. He was most definitely a loner, not participating in any of the activities around town. He could frequently been seen with Alta… dining out… shopping… sometimes he picked Ben up from school but when there was conversation with anyone local it was generally Alta who was the social one and Sam tolerantly waited for the conversation to end so that he could turn his attention back to his wife and they could make a hasty exit. He didn't work on cars but he spent a fair amount of time at Bobby Singers place doing whatever it was that Bobby Singer was into and most of the town had no idea what that was. They just knew Bobby wasn't all about cars.

There was some speculation in town that Sam's activities weren't strictly legal. Someone had spotted him in Omaha apparently winning very big in a poker game. Someone else had spotted him in a bar in Fargo winning big at the pool table. Nothing wrong with that… everyone agreed but he never frequented any of the bars in Sioux Falls, not even with his brother, who was known to play a mean game of poker. There had always been speculation about Bobby's activities... no evidence or proof... just speculation and most of that died down years ago. But now with Sam spending so much time with Bobby, the town was buzzing again. Speculation about Sam ranged from small time hustler to drug lord to mafia connections.

Sam was aware of the talk but that was small town life and Sam didn't mind. He actually preferred to remain somewhat aloof and mysterious. It kept people at arm's length and Sam figured that kept them out of his business. Small talk and socializing was not his thing anyway. He had been much better at it when he was younger… He was actually quite social during his Stanford days and even when he first went back on the road with Dean, keeping up with all his friends by email and Facebook. But all that was before… before he lost Jess… before he spent a year trying to keep Dean out of Hell and then lost him anyway… before the demon blood and Ruby and the Apocalypse. That was before he was shattered into pieces… one soulless… one confused, wandering without memories… one tortured by the most powerful beings in the cosmos… leaving him with only a small ragged part of his soul. Sam thought that might be what made him a target for gossip. He was different… still. He remained essentially, partially soulless.

In the end, there were only a few people who really knew Sam. He could count them on one hand. Alta, Dean, Bobby and Cas. Ben was close and Sam supposed that with time as Ben grew older he would know the whole story as well. Few others knew bits and pieces. Lisa, Mark and Sophia, Wahkan and Makawee. Not many people considered Sam a friend. It didn't bother him. He thought maybe it should. But… truthfully… Sam liked it that way.

Sam picked a table near the front window of the coffee shop so he could look out on the street and keep an eye on the Yoga Studio. Alta had three classes today. They would be in town all afternoon. That meant three straight hours on the hard little coffee shop chair. It didn't matter. He'd done with a lot worse for a lot longer on stake outs. At least he had a chair… and he had access to Wi-Fi so he could do a little research.

"Hello." Sam heard a woman's soft voice just as he became aware of someone standing behind him. "May I join you?" He really didn't need to be distracted but he turned off his iPad and motioned for her to take the seat across from him. "I'm Rachael."

"Sam." He watched the woman as she sat her tea on the table. He noticed her long honey blond hair, her smile and her deep blue eyes. He couldn't help but wonder what she really wanted.

"I've noticed you and your wife around town. Your wife teaches at the Yoga studio?" She gave a vague gesture toward the window. "I just wanted to take a minute to welcome you to Sioux Falls." Her smile seemed genuine enough.

"Thank you." Sam graced her with a dimpled smile and still wondered where she'd been for the past few months since they moved here and what her interest in him and Alta could be.

"I know you're renting." She slipped him a business card. Her fingers slid across his, lingering; just a slight hesitation as he took the card from her. "If you decide you want to buy a house. I can help you with that. I understand your wife is pregnant."

"News travels fast." Sam glanced at the card and stuffed it in his jacket pocket once again focusing on the woman sitting across from him.

"We are just a small town at heart, Mr.…?" She hesitated, waiting.

"Winchester."

"That's right… the Winchesters." She sipped her tea and her eyes darted toward the Studio. "Is there anything I can help you with?" Her blue eyes once again focused on Sam. "I know all about the schools… businesses… churches… do you have any hobbies? I know the town inside and out." She began to fall into her business speech. "I have a few houses that I think you and your wife would love… perfect for a couple just starting a family…"

"Thank you." Sam interrupted her. "I'm sure were not ready to buy yet, but I'll call you first… Rachael… when the time comes." He nodded and smiled again. "And if I can think of anything we can't find on our own, I'll be sure to call you." Sam's tone became crisp, obviously annoyed. He needed to end this conversation. He was on stake out and he needed to get rid of this distraction.

"Well…" Rachael stammered. "I'm a full service realtor…" She held his gaze. _Those eyes… something about those crystal blue eyes. _"Maybe you would be interested in a private showing… a little surprise for your wife." Something in her eyes was definitely predatory.

Sam shifted in his chair, his gaze suddenly more intent on her. Her hair… thick and curly as it flowed down her shoulders; he could feel the strands of honeyed silk slipping through his fingers. She smiled and it lit up the room. He was stunned. _I know that smile, those lips._ He knew the taste of he lips... her skin. His eyes slid down the pale column of her neck and he could feel her pulse against his lips. _I love you Sam Winchester. _He could hear her voice like he'd heard it a thousand times before. Jess… it was Jess… He remembered how her tall body fit perfectly into his embrace, only needing the slightest tilt of her head for their lips to meet. She was beautiful… just as beautiful as the last time he saw her before he left with Dean… before he left her alone… before she died, burning on the ceiling… staring down at him. She was back. She was here. _Jess… _her name echoed in his mind.

"Well…" Sam's dark eyes pierced deep into her and she thought he had the most perfect dimpled smile. "You are a most interesting woman, Rachael Lameroux."

**… … …**

Sophia began the class watching from Lisa's office window but the space became too confining. She would have joined in and got a good workout but that would distract her from her mission. So she checked the inside perimeter of the building. She started with the back door. A carefully placed rug with a pentagram drawn underneath and salt lines at the windows… all still in place and undisturbed. She worked her way back up to the front and gazed out of the window. Nothing looked askew on the street, just a light snow falling to cover the already snowy street and sidewalks.

She spotted Sam in the coffee shop. He was nursing a large cup and when he glanced up from his iPad Sophia eased back behind the window frame so she wouldn't be seen. She was not sure why… old hunting habits, maybe. There was no reason to hide from Sam. He knew she was here. She eased back so that she could see him and her blue eyes nailed a scene she was not quite sure how to take as it unfolded. A tall blond woman sat with him. Sophia could see they were engrossed in more than small talk. Sam's look was intense. She steeled herself… ready to run help him…. Her instincts told her something was not right with this picture.

There was only the two of them with Alta today and Sophia had a choice to make. If she left to go help Sam, she would leave Alta exposed. Sam might be in danger but it might also be a trap to leave Alta unprotected. Sophia weighed the options finally deciding that Sam would rather she safeguard Alta, so she would wait and see how this played out.

Sophia watched silently as Sam rose from the table. She saw him hold his hand out for the woman, helping her with her coat and then slipping his coat on and walking her out the door with his hand resting possessively on her back as he guided her to his car. He held the passenger side door for her. Sophia's mouth opened to a silent little 'o' and her eyes wide in a questioning stare as they followed the taillights of Sam's Charger down the street and out of town.

**… … …**

Dean watched the black jaguar pull into Singer Salvage as he wiped his hands on the dirty rag he pulled from his back pocket. In spite of the cold, he was sweaty and had a fine film of oil on his skin. Working on car engines tended to get you dirty that way. The man who exited the jag was well manicured. His expensive suit looked way out of place in the salvage yard. He walked toward Dean with a confident swagger and Dean met him with a confident smile.

"Mr. Winchester?"

"Call me Dean." Dean smiled and stuck out his oily hand… a challenge. The man hesitated but took Dean's hand in a firm shake. He seemed at a loss as to what to do with his now filthy hand and Dean's grin got even wider as he wiped his hands on his oil stained overalls. "What can I do for you?"

"That's a fine car there." The man's eyes ran appreciatively over the Thunderbird Dean was restoring. He'd been working on this one for quite some time, in between restoring other classic cars. This one was special. "I really like it. I see you are as good as your reputation." The man's ran his hand lovingly along the hood of the car. "How much would you take for this one?"

"This one's not for sale." Dean folded his arms across his chest and leaned possessively against the car. "I have something special in mind for this sweet cherry."

The man motioned toward Dean's baby. "That Impala's quite impressive as well."

"Well, she's mine." Dean pushed off the Thunderbird and dropped his arms to his side. "Look, Mr…"

"Welch… Dante Welch." He hesitated, waiting for the full impact of his name to sink in.

Dean supposed that the name should mean something to him but he would have to wait and find out from Ben or Sam later. "Mr. Welch. This is not a used car lot. If you have something in mind… a car make and year you particularly like I'll see if I can find one and restore it for you… or you can leave me a card and I'll let you know whenever I have something I think you might be interested in. Did you have something specific in mind?" Dean gestured toward the jag. "You seem pretty well set." One eyebrow rose. "Do you have a collection of classic cars already?"

"No… no. I just thought I might like to get into classic restorations. You know… like Leno." He shifted from one foot to the other. "A friend of mine, by the way."

"Ok." Dean nodded, only somewhat impressed. "You have a card? So I can get in touch with you?" Dante handed Dean a business card. _Real-estate developer. Of course. _"Any particular type of classic car you're interested in. Mind you, I only do American cars."

"Classic muscle cars." Dante smiled. "Like these two."

"Ok then." Dean smiled. "That's my forte. There's nothing like the old classics."

"They're a great investment." Welch's smile was smooth and arrogant. He clearly felt superior to just about everyone he met. "And a lot of fun, I think."

"Well…" Dean decided that he would ask a hefty price from this customer. Clearly he could afford it and he didn't mind showing it. And Dean didn't like his arrogant ass. He didn't know a damn thing about classic cars. "I'll be getting in touch with you."

Welch spun the Jag around and waved before heading back out onto the road. Dean stood staring after the car as it disappeared around a curve. He couldn't quite put his finger on it but something about this encounter, apart from the fact that he didn't like the sonofabitch, crawled along every nerve in his body. His hunter's instincts were on overdrive.

**… … …**

Sam eased into the Studio just as Alta was wrapping up her last class.

"Oh, good. I'm glad you're here a little early." Alta stopped the class and motioned for Sam to join her. "For those of you who haven't met him yet, this is my husband, Sam." Alta threaded her arm through Sam's possessively. Sam gave his best dimpled smile to the ladies. "He'll be teaching some classes for me while I'm out with the baby." The leotards she wore for her workouts clung to her muscular body and showed the small but growing baby as Alta patted the curve of her belly.

Sophia watched from the office window. _You're a cool one, Sam Winchester._ Her deep blue eyes burned. She wasn't positive what had happened with the woman at the coffee shop but she had a good idea. _Damn it!_ Sophia had thought Sam was different. She thought Alta was lucky. But it seemed to Sophia that Sam was no different than any other man after all. He stood head and shoulders above the women, smiling down at them… that charming smile. Sophia glared at him. What's your game, Sam Winchester? The women crowded around him like a gaggle of silly geese, each one getting their chance to meet him. When the women had all finally filtered out of the studio, leaving just the three of them Sophia stepped out of the office.

"Thanks for your help, Sophie." Sam nodded to her. She wondered if he thought his smile would disarm her as easily as it did every other woman who'd fallen for him today. "I appreciate both you and Mark sticking around while we get through this." Sophia seemed a little stiff to Sam and he wondered what was up with her but she was always a little quiet and standoffish. Although he wondered about her, she'd given him no reason _not_ to trust her and her feelings for Alta were quite obvious.

"What's family for?" Sophia gave Alta a little hug. "I'm heading back to the motel." She gazed into Alta's green eyes. _Innocent… clueless. Should I tell her? _She hesitated, glanced at Sam and then back to Alta. "Call me if you need me." She slipped out the back door.

**… … …**

Alta lay in the tub filled with hot water and bubble bath, letting the heat soak through tired muscles and sore feet. The sweet fragrance of coconut soothed her aching head. Three classes back to back was a bit much and she began to wonder if she should reschedule one of them or if Sam should just take one class for her first and she would give up the others as they became too much. She was past five months now and she was beginning to feel the effects of having a growing baby inside her. She slowly ran her hand across her belly. Already her pants were too tight and she had bought a couple of pairs of maternity jeans and some tops. She gazed at her belly and wondered how it would feel… just how big it would get.

"You got some new clothes." Sam was busy setting the table when Alta came in, fresh from her bath and feeling much better. "I like… you look great."

"You like baggy tee shirts?" Alta snorted out a little laugh. Sam handed her a glass of milk. His hazel eyes held her in an unreadable look.

"I like the way you looked at the studio. Those tight clothes kinda showed off your shape." He rubbed his hand over her belly and kissed the top of her head. She could hear a soft moan deep in his chest. "None of the Winchester men are much for cooking, but I figure I can learn." He guided her to the table and held the chair for her to sit. "There's 'bag o salad' with microwave Garlic Shrimp." He laid a plate in front of her. "I have ice cream for dessert."

"Sam, this looks great… and healthy." Alta popped a shrimp with a fork full of salad into her mouth. "Umm" It really was delicious. "You obviously went to the grocery store this morning."

"Yea, while you and Sophie were shopping." Sam worked his way through his own salad, washing it down with a beer. They passed the rest of the meal in silence each of them enjoying Sam's foray into domesticity. He watched her as she finished her meal. Her small frame was strong and muscular; her auburn hair fell long and strait with just the slightest curl at the ends, resting just below her shoulders. His hands longed to feel the strands falling through his fingers. Her eyes were the familiar crystal green; haunting, knowing eyes; so different from Jess's playful, childlike, innocent eyes. Her smile would never light up a room… never be innocent enough for that. Her smile was wise, like her eyes, knowing… knowing the dark hard places of life. She'd seen Hell and Satan. More than that, she'd seen Sam… all of him… the darkest parts of him… soulless… pitiless; sick and hopeless.

"I also put in an application for a job." Sam stood and took his plate along with hers to the sink. She stood and followed with the glasses.

"What kind of job?" Alta grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

"Substitute teacher at the Community College. I can sub when there isn't a job... you know… our kind of job." Sam was amused at Alta's wide eyes. "What? I have a family to support... diapers and baby clothes and stuff. I'm going to be a Daddy. I can't just go off and hustle money all the time. Suppose somebody asks her where her daddy works?"

"_Her_ daddy? What makes you think it's going to be a girl?"

"I don't know." A playful look came into Sam's eyes. "Come here. Let me see if I can tell." He pulled her close against his body. She was not tall enough to make it to his shoulders. He pulled his hands up through her hair, fingers splayed, bunching it up and bending down just enough to bury his face in the freshly washed auburn tresses. Sam breathed deep, pulling her scent into his nostrils… into his head… drowning out the lingering memory… the memory of Jess.

Alta's face was just a whisper away from his chest. She felt the heat radiating off him, smelling his scent. Her hands lay flat against his pecs and she slowly moved down he hard muscles of his chest and across his abdomen until she slid her fingers under his shirt and down along the well-defined muscular 'V' leading into his jeans. She felt him tremble and heard the sudden hiss as he drew in air through his clenched teeth. Sam's hands dropped to her face and he pulled her face up to his. She heard a low moan deep in his throat as he covering her mouth with hot moist lips. She opened to him and his tongue plunged into the depths of her mouth tracing along her tongue, teasing, tasting… feasting. His hands slipped down to her round bottom and he pulled her against him. She felt his hard length against her belly and she slipped her hands up along the smooth skin of his broad back. She ground against him she heard that sweet low moan again… deep in his chest. Her body responded with a slow burn deep in her pelvis, a sudden rush of wet, hot and a pleading whine into his mouth.

Sam broke their kiss. His dark eyes bore into her as he pushed her slowly toward the bedroom. He loomed over her as she struggled backward, not nearly fast enough. He cradled her ass in his big hands lifting her and she threw her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. She was so small… so short… nothing for him to carry to the bed as she clung to him. And he wanted her… wanted her so badly. He needed her… needed to lose himself deep inside her.

Sam laid her gently on the bed and watched as she pulled off her clothes. He quickly shrugged out of his own clothes and crawled over her, spreading her legs so that he knelt between her thighs. He lowered his head to kiss her mouth, long and soft, gently teasing inviting her to taste him. She licked along his lips slowly, finally delving into his mouth to twine his tongue with hers. He trailed licks and kisses to her ear, whispering to her. "Alta… touch me." Her hands trailed down from his neck across the hard planes of his chest. "Yes…" His hot wet tongue darted in her ear as his hands played across her breasts, brushing her nipples to hard nubs. "Wanna feel your hands on my body…" She left fiery paths as her hands trailed further down his body flat across his belly… "Wanna feel you touching me…" He grasped her hand and brought it up to his mouth. His dark eyes watched her as he licked his hot, wet, incredibly long tongue across her palm. She watched him through her lashes. God, the man had the most incredible eyes… she was lost… she felt like she was burning alive. He guided her moist hand to his rock hard erection. She grasped him… just the right amount of pressure… just the way he liked it… sliding down the silky skin to the base and back in a long slow torturous burn. She felt him growing in her hand, his dick swelling… becoming fuller and her body answered with a burning desire to be filled. His eyes fluttered closed and his breath began to come in deep hot sighs against her skin. "Umm… so good." His body shuddered as she caressed him, pulling hot desire from deep inside him. Her hands were like magic. The sweet pull of desire flooding his senses, drawing him toward orgasm clashed with his strong desire to hold off… to make it last… in a torturous dance of need.

He distracted himself by focusing on her; his long graceful fingers moving to her center, finding her wet and wanting. He felt her tighten around his fingers as he explored her depths. He moved his knees apart, forcing her wider open for him as the pad of his beautiful thumb rubbed across her throbbing clit as his fingers slid in and out mimicking her strokes. "Sam… umm…" Her eyes were wide and dark, the pupils so dilated with desire she couldn't focus. Her lips were swollen and pouting begging to be kissed. Her breast heaved as she drew deep breaths into her lungs. He could see the heat radiating off her body... smell the hormones rolling out of her pores... filling his nostrils... filling his head. He breathed her in and tasted her on his tongue. The white hot lust she felt for him was like fuel on fire. He felt lust coil in his belly and like a snake he wanted to strike hard and fast... He looked down and saw the evidence of that lust, swollen hard, angry red and captured in her graceful hands. His body screamed to take her, to pour out his hot desire on her. He wanted to fuck her... like an animal... savagely.

"Alta…" He whispered against her ear and pulled the lobe in his mouth, gently biting as he pulled her hand away from him. "Wanna fuck you… now." He pulled his hands away from her, grabbed her hands and pulled them above her head, holding her down. She moaned her desire and he plunged deep, feeling her hot and tight caressing the entire length of him. She gasped and he caught her hot breath in a fevered kiss. Her body felt different. The bulge of her belly made him angle differently as he entered her and he couldn't hold back, fucking wildly into her, hard and fast.

"Sam…" She bucked up against him. She couldn't see… she couldn't think. All she could do was feel. Feel his beautiful, long, hard dick burning… "So good… umm…" Filling her up… stoking the fire that was rising from the very center of her… coming closer… closer.

"Gonna come in you…" His ragged voice drifted across her consciousness. It was the last push she needed… the heat of him as he buried himself deep inside her and filled her with white hot juices. Her orgasm washed over her like a tidal wave and every nerve in her body exploded. Sam fell to Alta's side, spent. His mind fogged in the afterglow of his own powerful orgasm. He couldn't move. He felt as if he was floating… drifting in the space of almost asleep… almost dreaming. Alta listened to his breathing as he slowly drifted off. She delighted in the afterglow of their intense lovemaking watching Sam fall into a deep sleep and loving to see him so completely satisfied.

"I love you Sam Winchester." Her voice drifted across his consciousness.

"Alta." He sighed her name; his deep voice slurred.

"No Sam, it's me." Jess's blue eyes pierced him. Her playful smile mocked him. The bed shook as his body jerked violently.

"Sam?" Her voice pierced through the haze… Alta's voice… Alta's body pressing against him… Alta's crystal green eyes questioning him. He pulled her tight against his body burying his face in her hair and breathing her deeply into him. She'd felt him jerked from sleep like this before… felt him cling desperately to her like this before. When he woke from dreams of Hell.

"It's a baby girl."

"What?" Alta pulled back to gaze at him. He smiled back at her with a smug look. "Well, we'll find out Monday. Kat's going to do another ultrasound."

He nudged her around to spoon her back against him. It was his favorite way to cuddle when he was sated and sleep was near. He tucked her head under his chin and wrapped his big body around her, pulling the covers over them. 'I figure I have a 50/50 chance." He chuckled. And he held her tight… tighter than usual she thought. His eyes stared over her head into the growing darkness. She couldn't see the desperate anger in those dark eyes.

**… … …**

"I know what I saw." Sophia's glanced from the kitchenette to the sofa in the main living area of their motel room. Sonya was engrossed in a video game on her phone. Sophia's voice was hard but not much more than a whisper. Her eyes pierced Mark.

"Sophie, you don't _know_; you _think_." Mark's voice was soft as he tried to reason with her. The thought crossed his mind that they were going to have to find a bigger place… one with a little privacy… soon. "You don't know anything for a fact. You're filling in a lot of blanks out of your imagination."

"_Damn it, _Mark." Sophia stepped closer to him. She was angry; her fists clenched; her mouth drawn into a thin line. Mark leaned against the counter of the little kitchenette patiently listening. He didn't want to be goaded into a fight. "The way he left with her. It just looked so… intimate. Like they'd done this before. He's having an affair… I just know it. He was too familiar with that woman."

"They just got married, what? A month ago?" Mark countered her argument. "It doesn't make sense." He sighed. "Sam loves Alta."

"Yea. He loves her." Sophia mocked. "He went off and left her when he was supposed to be on watch. He's the one who's so sure Alta's in danger and needs to be watched. But he left her alone… exposed!"

"He didn't leave her alone." Mark reminded her. "He knew you were there. She wasn't exposed."

"He's up to something." Sophia turned and began to pace. "And whatever it is, it's not good news for Alta."

"Sophie. Don't meddle between them." Mark's eyes narrowed as he warned her off the direction he was sure she was heading.

"She needs to know."

"Know what?" Mark pushed off from the counter and stepped closer to her. "You don't _know!_"

"I'm going to find out." She had worked herself into a righteous wrath.

Mark grabbed her arms and shook her like a ragdoll; his face mere inches from hers. "You're not going to spy on Sam Winchester!" His eyes pierced into her, his jaw set hard. She'd never seen Mark like this. "You're not going to confront him." He released her with a shove, walking away and running his hands through his hair. He turned back to face her. "You stay out of Sam Winchester's business."

Her voice was weak when she countered. "But it's Alta's business too."

"That's just it, Sophie. It's _their_ business… it's_ their_ issues!"

"Don't you care if Alta's hurt?"

Mark sighed. Sophia's eyes were no longer hard and angry. Her face was soft and her eyes pleading. "I'll see what I can find out." Mark ran a caressing hand down her cheek. "But, you stay out of it. And don't go talking your suspicions up to Alta. Let me suss out the truth first." He knew he was spitting in the wind. Sophia would talk to Alta. It was a given. And he wasn't sure what Sam would do. "I'm heading out to do some surveillance." Mark grabbed his jacket. "Sophie…" He glanced back at her before he stepped out of the door. "I mean it. Don't get in the middle of this. Just…" He shook his head. His eyes were pleading. "Just don't… for all our sakes."

**… … …**

She was on her way home from her shift at the Black Dog Bar and Grill and the strange sound made her quicken her step. It was an eerie sound that floated across the dark night; just a soft mumbling whisper but it floated on darkness and echoed empty... out of place... out of time. It made her shiver, a feeling she never had before now but she suddenly understood how it felt when your blood ran cold. Her heart pounded against her chest when she heard the strange whisper on her shoulder… in her ear mumbling unintelligible, evil words. She reached up but felt nothing. Her bleached blond hair flew out as she jerked her head around and her brown eyes searched the darkness. She saw nothing but she broke into a run, the clicking of her heels echoing down the dark street. Her car was just ahead; she could see it... could feel her heart pounding as she drew closer, longing to feel the safety of its interior... just steps away from deliverance she stopped, clutching at her neck; the frantic gurgling sounds of her struggling for air were drowned out by the increasing loudness of hysterical laughter. Her feet stumbled over each other sending her helplessly to the pavement. The bright red eyes of her assailant burned into her. What the Hell? Those eyes… a monster… a demon. The first moment she ever believed in Hell or demons… her last moment as herself. Lips inches apart; her lips trembled. For a moment she thought it would be a kiss… Her lungs burned as she gasped and black smoke flew from one mouth into another.

Someone found a woman's dead body the next morning. A Jane Doe… her long brown hair splayed across the wet pavement; a thin layer of snow covered her, her dead eyes no longer red, glaring pale blue up into the sun; her mouth frozen in her last emptying gasp.

She picked this woman outside the Black Dog specifically for the car. A cherry red Mustang... sporty. She liked it. She pulled the rearview mirror around so that she could examine this new face. She wasn't so impressed with the clothes but a quick search through her pocketbook revealed a credit card for a high-end department store. _I will be getting new clothes_... another glance in the mirror_... and better makeup_. She held up a long blond strand... _And changing this bleached blond... maybe a red head this time._

"I don't understand your obsession with these machines. Don't you find them noisy... and confining?" The sudden rush of Angel's wings announced his arrival in the seat next to her.

"Well, we all have our little idiosyncrasies." She arched her new eyebrow and smiled at him. "Do you like this body?"

He gazed at her, his head to one side as he considered her question.

"Don't strain yourself, Balthazar this is just the rough draft. I'll be polishing it up a bit."

"You do have a talent for... fashion, Jezebeth." His smile smoldered and his eyes sparkled. He ran the tip of his tongue across his lip in anticipation. "I'm sure the results will be... acceptable."

"You'll enjoy the results." She smiled and fired up the engine. The 5.4 V8 rumbled beneath them. "Feel that? I love to feel the power of these muscle cars... the rumble and vibration traveling up through this body... It's quite erotic."

"Whatever turns you on. They're somewhat like loud rumbling beasts... slow and clumsy. I'd rather fly."

"Well I'm heading south for the next day or so. Catch me later. You'll enjoy this body when I finish with it." She readjusted the rearview mirror and placed her hand on the stick, ready to put the car in gear and start her trip. She gazed at Balthazar. "Sure you don't want to try a little road trip." She laughed. "Go native… you might like it."

Balthazar reached over, placing a crooked finger under her chin. "I was rather hoping you would be going west. I have a favor for you to do in South Dakota."

"No! Why would anyone go to South Dakota?" She snorted. "I'm looking to get out of the cold. I hate snow! I thought I'd go down toward New Orleans and hang out. The lead up to Mardi Gras is such fun."

"Just a small favor. You could be finished with this quickly... plenty of time to make it for all the pre-Lenten sin you can take. I'll even take some time off and go with you."

"Let me guess. It's about the Winchesters." She pouted. "I'm not interested in getting tangled up in Angel games. I don't like Angels and I think Michael's feud against the Winchester's is petty and childish. Why do you let yourself get mixed up in it?" Her eyes sparkled as she smiled at Balthazar. "We could go play…"

"I've sided with Michael. Climbing the ladder, so to speak… power and all that." Balthazar tossed his head to the side and grinned back at her. "Ah, Jeze… you make it sound so simple."

"And fun…" _Damn she was so convincing_. And she was definitely fun. Balthazar wondered for a moment if she might be right. Maybe he should go on a road trip with his favorite demon and forget all this. But Michael was a very powerful ally and he would be a very powerful enemy. Balthazar's days of 'staying out of it' were long gone.

"No… now's the time for a different kind of fun. Are you with me, Jeze?"

"You know I can never turn you down, my Angel." She laughed as her eyes slipped to black and Balthazar gazed into the forbidden, sinful depths of nothingness.

**… … …**

Bobby sat at his desk wondering how his home had suddenly become Grand Central Station. He guessed it all started with Sam and Dean... well, even before that it was probably John. The boy's dad had a habit of pissing off just about everyone he knew at one time or another. Some stayed pissed at him for the rest of his life but Bobby forgave him every time they had a falling out. Usually they fought about the boys and Bobby forgave John... every time... for the sake of the boys. He couldn't help himself. From an early age Sam and Dean had been like the sons he never had. And he was the stable family... his was the the home they never had. So John came by often and like as not he left the boys with Bobby so he could hunt. Bobby knew either they stayed with him or they stayed by themselves. So he opened his home and his solitary life to them and he grew to love them.

Now, it was like his home had been invaded. Two boys... who had become men... and had become a whole extended family... a bonafied passel. Alta was reading through an old text on Angels translated from the original Hebrew. At least she could help 'man' the phones. Ben was holed up in a corner with Sonya working on his Latin exorcisms and spells. Sophia was cleaning weapons in the living room and Dean was in his garage working on his latest acquisition. Bobby supposed that Sam and Mark were with Dean. He let out a soft growl, turned his chair to face away from everyone and stretched his feet out toward the fire. At least when it was just the boys, most of the time it was just him... alone. _So much for his used to be solitary life._

When he finally finished his coffee, Bobby had come to a decision. He stood and walked around to the front of his desk.

"Ben. Go out to the garage and tell the men to get back up to the house. They're on duty. He ran his hand down the tattered tee shirt he wore under his flannel shirt. I'm gonna get changed and go down to Lincoln. I haven't seen Kat in a while and I think I'd like to spend this Sunday with her." The all stared after him as he climbed the stairs to change clothes. _Damn they can have the house! I'm gonna go see my girl!_ That thought made Bobby smile for the first time this morning.

**... ... ...**

"Bobby said you're on duty." Ben glanced around the garage looking for someone other than Dean. "Where's Sam?"

"Haven't seen him." Dean pulled his head from under the hood of the Thunderbird, wondering if he was ever going to finish this car. Too many interruptions. "What's going on?"

"Bobby's going to Lincoln to see Kat and he said you and Sam and Mark are on duty."

"Great!" Dean wiped his greasy hands on the ever present rag from his back pocket and clapped Ben on the shoulder. He pulled off his coveralls and grabbed his jacket. "Let's get back to the house."

When Dean and Ben reached the house, Bobby was bouncing down the front steps heading toward his car. "Glad you could make it." He pulled his car keys out of his pocket with a jingle. "If you need me..." He shrugged. "... Well... just don't need me." With that he jogged to his car and made a fast getaway while Dean stared after him and Ben slid back into the house.

"Damn... horney much?" Dean muttered before he joined Ben and the others in the house.

"Where's Sam?" Alta was looking past Dean expecting Sam to be behind him. She glanced at Sophia who shrugged.

"I thought Sam was with you." Alta looked at Dean.

Dean's face tightened. Something was not right with this picture. Sam was unaccounted for... He glanced around the room. Apparently Mark was unaccounted for...This wasn't good. Sam could be in trouble. "How long since you last saw Sam?"

"We got here about eight this morning." Alta glanced at her watch. "It's nearly eleven now."

"Where's he been for three hours?" Dean's face was thoughtful and concerned. "Did Mark say where he was going?"

"No." Sophia's face began to tighten. She glanced at Sonya. "He left last night, said he was on surveillance. What are you thinking?"

"This is not like Sam." Alta's voice was beginning to show her concern. "He wouldn't leave without telling someone where he was going... not now... not with what's going on." Sophia glanced again at Sonya. Alta noticed the look and knew it wasn't the first look that passed between the sisters. "Sophie, you know something. What is it?"

"I don't know for sure." Sophia gave an apologetic look to Alta. "I saw something yesterday... but I don't know... I can't be sure..."

"You better come clean." Dean was losing patience. Sam might be in trouble and that was his main concern. "Tell me what you saw."

Sophia sighed. Her face was soft and sympathetic when she looked at Alta. "I saw Sam leave the coffee shop with a woman yesterday... not long after we got there. It looked like he knew her. He left with her in his car. Two and a half hours... he was gone almost the whole time you were teaching your classes. I didn't see him again until he came into the studio after your classes were finished."

"You're saying Sam left..." Alta's voice caught in her throat and she couldn't finish her thought.

"He left... with a woman..." Sophia's voice trailed off to a dead silence.

"No." Dean watched the thoughts rolling across Alta's face. He turned to Sophia. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm not trying to say anything. I'm just telling you what I saw."

"I know what you think you saw but it's not like that." Dean glared at Sophia. "If he left with some woman it was because he thought she was a danger."

"Something's wrong." Alta's voice became stressed and her face was thin and drawn; eyes wide with fear. "If he left with some woman… if she was a threat… what did he do with her? We have to find Sam. He's in danger." She grabbed her coat heading for the door.

"Wait Alta." Dean reached for her, grabbing her arm and holding her back. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know!" Alta was panicked. Dean could see it plainly on her face. "I have to find him."

"I know. We'll find him. Just wait a minute and let's figure this out."

Dean pulled his cell from his pocket and dialed Sam.

_This is Sam... Leave me a message._

"Sam, call me." Dean ended the call. "GPS?"

Ben was already at the computer. "Nothing."

"He's turned it off. He doesn't want to be found." Alta dropped onto the sofa. She looked devastated.

Dean wasn't sure what was going through her mind. But he knew... as surely as he knew anything in this world... Sam loved Alta and he would never risk losing her.

"Or somebody doesn't want him to be found." Ben added.

"I can find him."

"Sonya! _Damn it!"_ Sophia's eyes turned to her sister, horrified. "No!"

**… … …**

_**TBC**_

**_I know… a cliffhanger. So sorry but I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer for an update. I will try not to be so long with the next update… when we will find out what's going on with Sam and Rachael and with Balthazar and Jezebeth and with Dante Welch…_**

**_Please comment if you like…. Thanks as always to those who write comment and for all those who follow, alert and favorite my story. =^..^=_**


	50. Chapter 50

Family Secrets: Part three – chapter 10

_**Oh momma I'm in fear for my life **_

_**from the long arm of the law**_

_**Lawman has put an end to my running**_

_**and I'm so far from my home**_

_**Oh momma I can hear you a'crying **_

_**you're so scared and all alone**_

_**Hangman is comin' down from the gallows **_

_**and I don't have very long**_

_**The jig is up the news is out they've finally found me**_

_**The renegade who had it made retrieved for a bounty**_

_**Never more to go astray**_

_**This will be the end today of the wanted man**_

_Renegade - Styx_

…

_**One day ago ~ Saturday afternoon ~**_

Sam paced slowly in front of Rachael Lameroux; tied to a chair in the middle of a devil's trap painted on the floor. His face was dark and angry. He paced like a caged animal. The thought that this demon would use Jess's memory against him… He was beyond livid and he barely trusted himself not to kill her outright. His hand itched to grasp Ruby's knife… to feel it piercing through the flesh of this meat suit and into the demon inside her. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He needed intel first, and then he would kill her.

"You're not a very smart demon." Sam's voice was deep and grating as it echoed through the abandoned warehouse. It was the same warehouse where Sam had summoned Balthazar to ask for help many months ago before it became clear that Balthazar was no friend. "You tried to use Jess's memory to get to me."

"It does get to you." The demon sneered at him. She could smell the barely contained anger boiling below the surface of his skin.

The image of Jess kept flashing through Sam's mind making this demon look and sound just like her. Sam's right hand came across her face in a hard backhand that slammed into her cheek rocking her chair back and then slamming her down hard. Her head lolled forward and a string of blood hung from her lip until it finally made contact with her thigh and began soaking into the material there.

"You're not Jess." Sam squatted in front of her so that he could look up into her face. His eyes were cold and dark; his body trembling with rage. "What's your game?" He sprayed holy water across her face watching… grinning as it burned like acid and she screamed in pain. "Who sent you?"

Her eyes weren't the endless black emptiness of demon eyes. Instead they were the clear blue of Jess's eyes, misted with tears, pained and pleading. Her soft lips begged him. "Sam… Don't hurt me. Please. Sam?"

Sam growled and stood, turning his back and pacing away from her. He ran his hands through his hair then quickly turned lunging forward and connecting his fist with a meaty smack to her jaw. The blood that had pooled on her lips mixed with new blood and spattered across Sam's face. "You're not Jess! Jess is dead! You're a demon bitch!"

"Yes! That's right." She no longer looked or sounded like Jess. Her eyes were black, her lips snarled. "I saw Jess in Hell. She was my favorite play toy." Guttural laughter punctuated her hateful words. "The things I did to her. She cried… and she screamed."

"Shut up, bitch!" Sam's face was red with rage, his body shaking.

"I peeled the skin from her bones. She screamed your name…. Saaammmm!" The demon laughed. "She thought you could help her. Stupid bitch."

"Shut up!" Sam's next backhand rattled her teeth and sent her flying, chair and all onto the floor."

Mark walked into the warehouse and gazed on the scene before him. "What's this?"

Sam turned away from the demon and faced Mark. He took a deep calming breath. "Thanks for coming."

"He can't help you." The demon smirked. "No one can help you."

"Shut your cake hole!" Sam swung around and pulled Ruby's knife from its holster at his side. "Or I will end you."

He turned back to Mark. "Demon. She approached me in the coffee shop. Tried to get me alone and take me out. But as you can see her plans ran amok." Sam paced in front of the demon. "I want to find out who sent her, who she's working for."

"So… what'd you do to her?" Mark gazed at the bleeding demon.

"A little holy water… a little salt."

"He beat me." She whimpered. "Sadistic bastard!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Mark sneered at the demon.

"She was talkative." Sam walked away from her toward the door. "But she wasn't willing to give up info on who's behind all this."

"They rarely are." Mark shook his head. "Demons are a stubborn lot."

"I need to get back to the studio before Alta and Sophie know I'm gone."

"I'll work on her. See if I can get something out of her."

"Don't kill her. Drug her if you have to." Sam hesitated at the door. "Nobody knows but us. I'd like to keep it that way."

"Yea? Good luck with that." The demon snarked at him. "People saw us leave the coffee shop together. Witnesses, Sam." She laughed.

"A smart ass." Mark mused. "I got a gag with your name on it, sweetheart."

Sam glanced back to see Mark filling her mouth with cloth, tying a bar rag around her head and covering her head with a cloth bag, decorated with devil's traps. Sam knew what the demon was in for. The Campbell's knew how to interrogate and Mark had done his fair share. He knew that the woman she possessed would not fare much better. He didn't care. He needed the intel… need to know who sent her… what the plan was. He knew he would do anything to protect Alta and his baby… anything.

**… … …**

Orange glow of flames reflected across his face as Castiel gazed at the ring of fire around him. He sighed, hurt by the betrayal. Balthazar's smile was painful to watch.

"I never wanted it to be this way between us, Balthazar."

"No?" Balthazar's clear blue eyes twinkled as he teased his brother. "How did you want it to be between us, Cas? Couldn't have been trust. I've begged you for years now to get free of this insane attachment you have to the Winchesters." The teasing twinkle left his eyes and Balthazar's voice began to betray his own pain. "I did everything for you." His voice became harsh; his eyes flashed hatred. "I stood by you while the rest of heaven laughed. I made them all see you were righteous. I even managed to put a positive spin on your betrayal of _all of Heaven_." Balthazar's hands waved in a giant gesture to illustrate his point. "I convinced everyone you were the new leader of the Heavenly Host." Balthazar stared at Castiel… silvery blue eyes to deep blue. "I did it to save you. I saved you're life while you wasted it on that big oaf, Sam Winchester. I got his soul out of Hell for you… to save your life… because you wouldn't sever the connection to him. You wouldn't let him die."

"I am his guardian. He is in my care." Castiel seemed unaffected by Balthazar's passionate rage.

"I'm your brother. I raised you. I took care of you when his torture would have killed you."

"He was being tortured because of Michael and Lucifer's power struggles." Castiel's face remained placid. "He sacrificed himself to save the world from destruction."

"It wouldn't have been the first time the world has been destroyed." Balthazar argued with his brother. "It's part of the process for this little planet… these little…" His face was twisted with rage. "… pitiful beings. They would rebuild. They always rebuild."

"This time they chose to fight. I chose to help them." Castiel's face glowed red. Balthazar honestly didn't know if it was from his passion for these humans or a reflection of the flames rising out of the holy oil that kept him captive.

"Well no matter. You won't be able to help them this time. Sam Winchester will die… his bitch and the bastard child she carries as well."

"Do you hear yourself? Do you count yourself as righteous?" Castiel's grace shivered within him. It was such a fine line and Balthazar had crossed over into obsession; driven by Michael.

"I am righteous!" Balthazar could barely contain his rage. "The Winchester's thwarted the plans of Heaven… _Father's plans_."

"Not Father's plans; Michael's dreams of glory." The impasse between the brothers was clear.

"No! You're wrong."

"You can't keep me here forever." Castiel reminded his brother.

"I can keep you long enough." Balthazar sighed. "I can keep you for a generation; long after Sam and Dean Winchester have returned to dust. They will have to make their way without your help. And they will fail."

**… … …**

_**Sunday morning ~**_

Vern Lameroux was devastated. His wife didn't come home last night… again. He paced across his living room and buried his face into his hands. His breath came in big wet sobs. Vern's heart was broken. He didn't know how much more he could take. Rachael was his life… his everything. They were high school sweet hearts. It had never occurred to him to even think of dating anyone else and he knew she felt the same way. Their life had been perfect. He'd done well in his family's construction business and Rachael was so smart. She'd built her own Real-estate business. She was the best in town. They were happy. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. He couldn't understand what had happen to Rachael.

In the last three months Rachael had gone from being Vern's loving wife and his best friend to someone he hardly knew and who looked at him as if she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. Unless she was horney. Then she didn't make love… she screwed him… used him. On some level he thought he should like it but it left him feeling… dirty. She'd rather whore around with other men. And she made no effort to hide it. Everyone knew. It was as if she flipped a switch inside and became the very opposite of the person she'd always been. He knew she'd left the coffee shop with that Winchester man. He was just another one of several but she'd never come back. Winchester had showed up back in town just a few hours later but not Rachael. Vern's gut churned with fear. What if she'd finally gone off whoring with the wrong man? What if…

**… … …**

Sam could barely contain his rage until he reached the warehouse. Once he dropped Alta at Bobby's he was able to forgo all his efforts to hide the rage that boiled within him. He strode in slowly, taking in the sight of the demon still tied within the devil's trap. Her face was covered with old dried blood; her eyes swollen; her head lolled across her chest.

"You get anything from her?" Sam looked at Mark.

"Yea. I got an interesting story." Mark's voice was soft and he gave Sam a sly smile. "Her job was to set you up for kidnapping and possibly murder. She made sure somebody saw you, man."

"Who?" Sam continued to stare at the demon as he paced slowly in front of her.

"Well, Sophie saw you, for one. But that's not a problem. She doesn't know what's going on but if she knows it's a demon she'll back you up." He shrugged. "Right now she thinks you're having an affair."

"What?" Sam was incredulous. "Why would anybody think I would cheat on Alta?"

"Sam, man… you got to know… that's the way people are. That's what they're all gonna think." Mark leaned against a desk in the corner of the room. "Can't pin murder on you if they don't find a body. But kidnapping's a capital offence."

"So who else saw us?"

"The coffee shop owner… the waitress… anybody who happened to be on the street that day." Mark cleared his throat. "If I were you I'd definitely be going off the grid and changing my name."

Sam's mind was racing. He had to quell his anger… he had to think of a way out of this. He couldn't just drop off the grid. There was too much at stake. He had a wife. He had a family to think about. "We need some help with this. Can you go get Dean?"

**… … …**

**Sunday morning ~ _where we left off last chapter..._**

"I can find Sam."

"Sonya! Damn it!" Sophia's eyes turned to her sister, horrified. "No!" She grabbed Sonya's arm and pulled her toward the door, determined to get her sister to safety.

Dean was immediately between them and the door. "Wait a minute. You're not going anywhere." He held his hands up to calm Sophia's panic but it was clear he was not going to let them pass. "You got some explaining to do." He turned his gaze to Sonya. "How can you find Sam?"

Suddenly the door opened and all eyes turned to Mark as he stepped into the room.

"Mark!" Sophia heaved a heavy sigh of relief.

"Not so fast." Dean's eyes narrowed. "You are not off the hook yet." He quickly turned to Mark "Where've you been and where's Sam?"

"I need to speak with you." Mark's voice was soft as he jerked his head toward the door indicating that they should step outside.

"No!" Alta stepped in. "What is it? Is it about Sam? What's going on?"

"Alta, I need to talk to Dean..."

"No! If it's about Sam, you better tell me now!" Alta's hands were clenched into fists at her side as she squared off at Mark. Her face was red, her lips a thin line. She'd had about all of this she could stand.

Mark stepped close to her placing his hands on her arms in a gentle grasp. He kept his voice soft, not much more than a whisper. "Sam's not hurt. He's alright." His blue eyes focused on Alta's angry green glare with infinite calm. "I've been with him all morning and he sent me to get Dean…"

"Dean?" Alta's voice was shrill. She couldn't believe what he was saying. "What about me?" She tried to pull away but he held her tighter. "I need to see him…"

"You need to trust him." Mark sighed. "Trust me, Alta. Sam's not hurt but we need to deal with a demon. We need Dean and Sam doesn't want you anywhere near it." Mark gave her a slight shake, just enough to get her to focus on his eyes to make sure she heard what he was saying. "You know why." His eyes drifted lower to the swell of her belly. "A demon can reach inside you and… Sam doesn't want to risk your baby like that."

Alta swallowed hard. "You're right… he's right." She thought for a moment, putting the pieces together. "The woman in the coffee shop? She's a demon?"

"She's possessed, yes."

Dean fished something out of his pocket and stared down at it in deep thought, his face was dark and pinched as his fingers idly ran across the name printed on the card. Dante Welch. He handed the card to Ben. "Find out whatever you can on this man." Ben took the card and gave Dean a questioning look. "I don't know." Dean answered his unasked question. "But dig deep. Find anything… everything."

"Find out everything you can on Rachael Lameroux too." Mark gestured toward Sonya. "You stay with Alta." He gazed at Sophia. "You got her back."

"Let's roll." Dean called on his way out of the door.

**… … …**

Sheriff Mills desperately wanted to roll her eyes, but she focused on the distraught man pacing about in her office.

"Something's happened, sheriff. He's done something to her." Vern Lameroux's face was red and sweat popped out across his forehead. "I want him arrested! Now!" The man's face trembled with rage.

"Vern." She kept her voice calm and tried to reason with him. "She's not been gone 24 hours yet. She'll show up." _like she always does..._ she wanted to add but that would just be throwing fuel on the fire. "She's not a 'missing person' until it's been at least 24 hours. We've talked about this before." _oops... there it goes... fuel on the fire..._ She immediately regretted saying it.

Vern's face looked as if it would explode any moment. He sputtered, little droplets of spit spewed toward her and she reflexively blinked and stepped back. "I'll be back in 24 hours and then I want that man arrested!"

"_IF... _Rachael isn't home in 24 hours, you come back and I'll investigate. _IF..._ There's any reason to suspect Mr. Winchester... I'll do what the law allows." Sheriff Mills pulled herself to her full five foot five and gave Vern her no nonsense stare; the one she always used when men felt like they could intimidate her. "Now, you go home and wait to see if Rachael comes home or calls." She placed a hand on his shoulder and guided him toward the door. Her brown eyes were softer as she tried to show him some sympathy. "Vern, she'll show up and if she _doesn't _show up, we'll find her."

Honestly, this didn't look good. On the one hand, Rachael Lameroux seemed to have gone into a midlife crisis... a little early maybe. She was hardly middle aged but she'd gone crazy lately and it was driving her husband nuts. Over the past several months she'd been known to have a few extramarital affairs and even disappear for a day or two. The whole town talked about it and how sorry they felt for poor Vern. So this didn't seem out of the norm... at least not the recent norm for Rachael and Vern.

But something niggled at the back of Sheriff Mills' mind and that something centered on Bobby Singer and the Winchester's. She knew Bobby had a string of 'drunk and disorderlies' and she was sure all his dealings weren't strictly on the up and up. But he'd not had a 'd&d' in years. She remembered a couple when she was a deputy but nothing in the past six years since she'd become sheriff.

She knew of the Winchester boys. They'd been coming and going to and from Bobby's since they were kids. She had no idea what their story was but she sensed it was kind of shady, like Bobby's. She knew it didn't involve anything in her county or her state for that matter... she'd looked and found nothing… at least not until now. And now... she wasn't so sure. Right now, she'd bide her time and wait for the 24 hours to pass and Vern to come storming back into her office.

**... ... ...**

Jezebeth's mouth was set in a tight line. _Why do I let Balthazar talk me into playing his stupid Angel games?_ She knew why. He was just irresistible. Demons were one thing... Humans were fun too... But sex with an Angel was on a level all its own and she was pretty sure Balthazar was the best. Although... he was also probably the only Angel who would do such a thing with a demon. It was unheard of. And she thought that might be the best part. She had something no other demon had... an Angel lover.

So here she was on her way to South Dakota in February; heading into some Podunk town in the 'wild west', knee deep in snow, eating tacos and drinking beer when she really wanted to be in the warm and decadent Deep South eating crawfish etouffee and drinking mojitos during the biggest party on the continent. Damn!

Jezebeth finally arrived at her destination and parked outside the sheriff's office... waiting... watching.

**... ... ...**

Bobby walked into the warehouse greeted by the younger men huddled around the demon. "Why is it I can't leave town for one day… just one day without you boys getting mixed up in some kind of crap?" He gave first Dean, then Sam his 'idjit's' look. _No need to say it out loud._ He gazed down at the demon as she sat unconscious, head flopped down to her chest, blood scabbed across her face and staining her clothes. "My God!" He sighed. "You better fill me in."

They gave Bobby all the details and waited for his assessment. "Well son." He looked at Sam. "She was easy to capture because she was supposed to be. I'd say she the first part of a trap that's about to slam shut on you." He gazed at the woman. "She's a member of this community."

"She's a demon." Sam insisted.

"She's a human possessed by a demon."

"The demon in her is calling the shots. You know what it's like when demons ride humans." Sam argued his point. "They leave them 'rode hard and put up wet'"

"Town folk don't know that." Bobby watched for Sam's reaction. "Her husband's gonna want to know where she is. The town's likely to get into an uproar over this."

"I thought maybe Cas could help." Dean's worried expression mirrored Bobby's. "He won't answer."

"Maybe he can't." Mark's soft voice brought everyone's eyes to him. "Maybe that's part of the trap. If I was gonna set a trap for you, I'd sure as hell take out the Angel on your shoulder."

"Not many things can take out an Angel." Sam's look was thoughtful. "Another Angel…? Balthazar or Michael?"

"You think Balthazar's working with demons?" Dean questioned.

"Might be." Bobby looked again at the demon. "But, like you say not many things can take out an Angel. If it is Balthazar…" There was silence as they all thought of the implications.

"I got nothing…" Dean finally broke the silence.

"Yea. Me too." Sam sighed.

Mark paced over toward the demon. "If we let her go…"

"I'll accuse the lot of you of kidnapping." She raised her head, smiling through bloody teeth.

"We can burn her." Dean volunteered.

"What about the woman she's possessing?" Bobby looked at Dean.

"They'll still connect me to you, Sam. Too many witnesses." She laughed. "They don't need a body. The last piece of this trap is almost set…" Her eyes focused on Sam. "Checkmate, Sam Winchester!"

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Dean's voice was low and menacing.

**… … …**

Sheriff Mills never made it to lunch. She parked her car next to a cherry red mustang outside the diner and as she stepped out of her car she was overwhelmed by the smell of sulfur and the burning, strangled feel of smoke forced down her throat. She ignored the blond who lay at her feet as she stepped back into her car and headed back to her office. It was nearly 24 hours now and she had a 'missing person' to investigate. Before she pulled out of the parking space she gazed into the rearview mirror_. Brown hair… I hate brown hair. I just hope this doesn't take long._ She looked down at the diminutive body. _Too small…_ Her hands smoothed over the fabric of her jacket across her small breasts. Balthazar would hardly be impressed with this body. _Not nearly enough flesh._ She sighed. _This is what he wanted_ she reminded herself. She floored the gas petal. _Let's get this done._

**… … …**

Two deputies came for Sam. They came to Bobby's with a warrant for Sam to bring him for questioning as a 'person of interest' in the disappearance of Rachael Lameroux. Sam rose to his full height, towering over the deputies, his chest bowed out, his face dark and threatening. "You can ask me questions here… now."

"Give me a minute, fellows." Bobby pulled Sam to the side. "You better go with them, Sam. It's just for questioning."

"I'm not going." Sam's face was no less menacing as he glared at Bobby. "I'm not gonna let them lock me up." He turned his back on everyone but Bobby. "I can't deal with being in a cage… I don't think… I can't."

"You'll have to, son. They can only hold you for 48 hours without charging you. We'll get this figured out." Bobby face was soft as he laid a hand on Sam's shoulder. He knew what Sam had been through. He knew what Sam was thinking when he said he couldn't deal with being in a cage.

Dean had joined them and the three of them made a tight huddle. He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You can do this, Sammy." Dean rarely called him Sammy anymore and Sam knew he was trying to encourage him just like he did when they were kids. "We'll get you out. I swear it. Just hang on… hang on tight."

Sam took a deep breath. He glanced at Alta. She stood motionless unable to fathom how her world had crashed around her feet in just a short few hours. She knew whatever he'd done; he'd done to protect her. Sam spoke softly to the deputies. "Can I…?" He motioned toward Alta.

"One minute." The older deputy motioned for Sam to go and he stepped over to Alta.

Sam placed his large hands on Alta's cheeks and pulled her face up to his. "It's gonna be alright." He tried to comfort her. "Don't worry. Dean will take care of you." He kissed her… just a soft brush of his lips on hers.

_It's gonna be alright _he said… _Dean will take care of you _he said… _She would be alright_ he was saying… What he didn't say was what she saw in his eyes. He was not so sure about himself… She was not so sure he would be alright.

He held out his hands in surrender. Then he slowly removed his gun from the back of his pants placing it on the table and he took Ruby's knife from his belt handing it to Dean. The older deputy put a cuff on one wrist and turned Sam so that he could cuff his wrists together behind his back. The two deputies patted him down and found no other weapons. The whole family watched as they led a peaceful Sam to the car and took him to jail.

They weren't out of the drive before the family all went into action. Alta had followed Sam out onto the front porch and watched him as they led him to the car… she recognized his hesitant steps. She watched as the younger deputy reached up to place his hand on Sam's head, guiding him into the back seat. She saw him glance back at her from the window. She watched as the deputy's car moved out onto the highway and disappeared around a curve. She felt numb… helpless... as she continued to stare down the empty road. This wasn't a monster you could kill… this was the law and Sam was in real trouble.

Alta heard the front door open. It was Dean. She knew it was him. She didn't need to look. His footsteps were soft… almost hesitant. He was here to assume his duty… to care for his brother's wife. It wasn't his strong suit… this tenderness. He stood behind her and placed a coat across her shoulders. She didn't realize she was cold but she supposed she was. His breath fogged as he moved to stand beside her and gaze off down the road with her.

"He'll be alright, Alta." Dean's hand was comforting on her shoulder.

"No." She sighed. "He won't. He can't take being locked in a cage."

"What?" Dean's gaze turned to her.

"The Hell memories will come out." Alta's eyes slowly closed. "I can feel it."

"I thought…" Dean swallowed hard. "He still has dreams of Hell?" Dean swallowed hard. He remembered just how bad Sam's reaction to his Hell memories could be.

"Sometimes." Alta fought hard to hold back tears. "He's better at dealing with them but…" She turned to look at Dean. She saw the worry gathering in his eyes. "I don't know what will happen when they lock him up."

Dean slipped a warm arm around Alta's shoulders and pulled her into a comforting hug. The warmth, the gentle touch… maybe it was just that someone cared and worried … loved Sam as much as she did; she turned and buried her face in Dean's chest… the soft spot just above his heart… and wept. He caressed the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair. He stroked her back and held her close. Maybe he was good at tenderness after all.

"What did you find out about Rachael Lameroux?" Mark asked Sonya.

"She's dead." Sonya stated with confidence. "She's been dead for months. The demon that's in her body rode her hard... burned her out fast. She didn't last more than a couple of days after she was possessed." Bobby looked at the girl, his eyes narrow and his brows lowered. "She… the demon has been waiting for someone else… Jezebeth…" Sonya closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. The pain she felt was obvious.

"That's enough." Sophia put her arms around her young sister. "It's ok… you've done enough."

"No…" Sonya brushed her arms away. "She was supposed to leave the body… she didn't expect to be trapped. The plan was to frame Sam for murder… and there's someone else… Balthazar."

Bobby met Mark's gaze. The girl was clearly psychic and she confirmed their fears.

"Is there anyone else involved?" Mark asked.

"Stop pushing her." Sophia glared at Mark. "Can't you see this is hurting her?"

Mark walked over to the women and slowly knelt in front of them. "Sophie, this is important." His hand grazed the side of Sonya's face. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts but we need to know. Is there anybody else?"

Sonya gazed at Mark; her silvery blue eyes not really focused on him. "Yes, but I can't see… I can't get a name… I don't think she knows who… just that there is another."

"Thank you, Sonya. You did good." Mark's hand cupped her chin. "You find out anything else… you let me know." He glanced at Sophia as he stood. Sonya's eyes met Ben's but she looked quickly away. She didn't like the way he looked at her.

"Um." Ben tapped his hands on the keys of his laptop. "I can't find anything on Dante Welch… anywhere."

"Well…" Bobby turned to Ben. "You and Sonya see what you can suss out on this Jezebeth. Better hit the books." He jerked his thumb toward the bookshelf behind him and the old manuscripts there. "Mark, we need to do something with that demon. It's for sure they're gonna be looking for her."

**… … …**

When he walked into the sheriff's office the putrid smell of sulfur filled his nostrils. It was unmistakable and it was fresh. They led him directly to a small cell. "I thought I was here for questioning." Sam tried to hold back from going into the cell.

"When the sheriff's ready." The deputy told him as he shoved him toward the cell door.

"No. You can't just put me in jail! I'm here for questioning!" Sam pulled back harder. "What are you charging me with?"

"Resisting arrest… assault on an officer if you push back against me one more time." The deputy pushed Sam toward the door again.

Sam stumbled into the cell. The deputy put duct tape over Sam's mouth and hauled him to the side of the cell chaining the hand cuff to the bars so that Sam was chained... hands behind him... to the wall. Sam's eyes were wide in panic... _How can I answer questions...? This is wrong... so wrong..._ He heard the heavy metal of the door clank closed behind him; the lock clicking firmly into place. The sound knifed through him piercing his soul; sounding like forever… like hopelessness. He dropped his head, his eyes screwed shut, his hands still cuffed behind him. He could feel the memories clamoring to the surface of his mind and he pushed… pushed hard to get them back behind the wall. This place stank. It reeked of sweat and piss… sulfur… fear and loneliness… despair. He could hear other voices cursing and begging… crying. His wrists began to sting and his fingers go numb. His shoulders ached. And he pushed… pushed hard… and the memories of Hell pushed back… hard.

**… … …**

_**TBC**_

_**Don't forget to review... I love to hear from you. Please let me know what you think.  
>Many thanks to those who review, alert, and favorite my story.<strong>_


	51. Chapter 51

Family Secrets – Part Three – Old Haunts/New Beginnings – chapter 11

_**I lie awake on a long, dark night**_

_**I can't seem to tame my mind**_

_**Slings and arrows are killing me inside**_

_**Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine**_

_**No I can't accept the life that's mine**_

_**.**_

_**Me... I'm rusted and weathered**_

_**Barely holding together**_

_**I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal**_

_**.**_

_**Ashes to ashes and dust to dust**_

_**Sometimes I feel like giving up**_

_**Sometimes I feel like giving up**_

_**.**_

_**Me... I'm rusted and weathered**_

_**Barely holding together**_

_**I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal**_

_**.**_

_**Take all this pride**_

_**And leave it behind**_

_**Because one day it ends**_

_**One day we die**_

_**Believe what you will**_

_**That is your right**_

_**But I choose to win**_

_**So I choose to fight**_

_**To fight **_

Weathered - Creed

"You can read minds?" Ben almost choked on his whispered words. He looked up from the ancient manuscript he had laid out on Bobby's desk. Ben and Sonya had been researching through Bobby's library for info on Jezebeth and it had taken most of the day for him to get around to asking. Unusual for Ben; he tended to be straight forward, much like Dean in that respect but this was just a little more than he wanted to deal with.

He liked Sonya. She was pretty. She was quiet and moody and that didn't bother him. He knew how to deal with quiet and moody; kind of understood it. Dean was often quiet and moody especially after Sam got stuffed into Hell with Lucifer and Dean was dealing with losing his brother. Sam was moody too sometimes. He thought maybe it was a _hunter thing_. But this new revelation about Sonya had him kind of weirded out; uncomfortable with the idea that she could reach inside his head and grab his thoughts. And he wondered just how much of his thoughts she already knew.

He'd been waiting until they were alone to ask. And now with Alta upstairs napping and Sophia on the front porch watching and nursing a beer; the men gone all day… since they took Sam away… it finally seemed the right time to talk about this.

"Sometimes. Well no… it's not exactly like that." She placed a book back on the shelf and studied the binders of others, looking for the next most likely text to find the information they needed. She didn't look at him. Her eyes were focused on the books. "I try not to… most of the time. It gets confusing… and it's painful sometimes… usually."

"Have you read my mind?" He watched her tense as she dragged her eyes from the bookshelf to him.

"I can't read minds." Her voice was suddenly a little crisp. She liked Ben and it wasn't like she had any friends. It would be nice to have one but now that he knew… she didn't think he would still be her friend. "It's more like I _feel_… see… impressions of thoughts…. Visions."

"How would that have helped you find Sam?" Ben's curiosity was peaked and he was pretty good at questioning; a skill he'd learned firsthand being questioned by Dean when Dean thought he had something to hide.

"I get impressions of places… sometimes I see things that identify a place." Her voice softened as she lost the irritation she felt when Ben began questioning. She could understand Ben's curiosity and he didn't seem to be trying to trip her up or that he didn't believe her, just honestly trying to understand. That was her hope at any rate.

"So, have you _felt_ any _impressions _of _my thoughts_?"

"Only a time or two." She looked frightened. Her pale blue eyes questioning…

_Are you gonna hate me now? _

"It's hard to control… I never _felt_ anything… _bad_… not from you." Ben watched her as he tried to process this information and figure out how he felt about it. He felt violated but he wasn't exactly sure it was her fault. She grew restless as the time dragged on and she saw the indecision on his face.

"Are you doing it now?"

"No." She shook her head and looked away. "Don't look at me like that… like I'm a freak." Sonya grabbed a book and raced to the sofa where she plopped down, opening the book and putting her earbuds in, tuning into music and turning away from Ben.

Ben honestly didn't know how he felt so he turned his gaze back to the ancient manuscript and began scanning for Jezebeth again, occasionally gazing in wonder at the strange girl… his cousin… sitting on the sofa.

**… … …**

He'd lost track of time. No one came to question him. He was alone… away from anyone who could see what was happening to him. And what was happening to him was not legal… not human. Sam knew he was screwed. This was demonic. Somehow they'd taken over this place it was rank with the smell of demons… putrid… sulfurous... It smelled like Hell. They knew his weakness and they knew how to break him. He kept waiting to hear some demon coming to kill him. Hours went by and no one came. But the memories came... each time more real… each time more vivid… each time more difficult to push back.

_Sam._

His voice was gentle but it froze Sam's heart.

_You'll always be mine. I'll never leave you._

Gentle voice with just a hint of the guttural rasp across a sharp tongue and a faint hiss through razor sharp teeth.

_No! I watched you die._

Sweat dripped from Sam's brow. His eyes burned from the salty fluid that soaked into them. He blinked and shook his head; little droplets flying off; his wet hair stinging as it slapped against his face.

_You're mine, Sam. Forever... Just you and me… for eternity. _

The soft voice snaked at him from a dark corner of the room. He saw glowing red eyes peering at him from the shadow as a jagged smile appeared beneath them.

_What did you think was going to happen when you jumped into my cage with me? You had to know that we would spend eternity together. _

Sam could see them… the sharp teeth, bloody… and the tongue like a dagger slipped out between the rows of grinning teeth.

_Didn't you tell Dean you weren't coming back? _

The putrid smell of rotted flesh and old, stale, dead blood flowed on his breath as it washed over Sam like a tidal wave. He knew that smell; had lived in it… that face; had stared at it for a hundred years.

_Oh God!_

Sam screwed his eyes shut and prayed.

_God? _

He chuckled. His voice was no longer soft but a shrill shriek, like fingernails on a chalkboard.

_God? God's not going to help you. You're mine, Sam. You said yes to me. I am you… you are me._

_No! I got out. This is not real… this is not real… __**NOT REAL!**_

There was every reason to believe God wouldn't help him but Sam prayed anyway… to God… to Cas… to anything that would listen. He prayed and pushed hard at the memory… willing it to go back behind the wall.

**… … …**

Sioux Falls had never been in such an uproar. Sam Winchester and the disappearance of Rachael Lameroux was the topic of every conversation. Everyone had an opinion, a theory or just a delight in the scandal. Phones were buzzing all over town and everyone was taking a side one way or the other. It didn't look good for Sam. The people who knew Lisa and Dean were mostly sympathetic and the even fewer who knew Alta were sympathetic to her plight. Most people in town knew Bobby, not all of them as friends and not all of them sympathetic. Vern Lameroux had more than a few friends and they all wanted Sam Winchester charged with murder.

Lisa had not been with the family when all this went down. She wasn't with them when Sam was taken in for questioning but she heard about it all afternoon. She got a blow by blow account of everything that happened by people who were nowhere near Bobby's house or Sam.

_Apparently they picked Sam up and hauled him in fighting all the way; having to be pepper sprayed and threatened with a gun as he tried to escape out the back. They were going to charge him with resisting arrest and assault on an officer. He gave one of the deputies a black eye and another one a broken arm. Maybe it was two deputies who suffered broken bones or it was two with black eyes. They actually had to shoot Sam to subdue him. He was a wild man._ The more the town's people talked the wilder the tale got. As the afternoon wore on, the story got worse.

When Lisa pulled in at Bobby's and ran up the steps to the front porch she drew a suspicious eye from Sophia. But Lisa only tossed a passing glance to her as she flung open the front door and headed straight to Ben, Sophia hot on her heels. "Where's Alta?"

"She's upstairs, taking a nap." Ben eyed his mother. He knew all her nuances and she was as upset as he'd ever seen her. She was trembling but Ben couldn't tell if it was fear or rage.

"She doesn't need anybody hassling her right now." Sophia was directly behind Lisa. She didn't like being dismissed by this woman… this meek civilian and she damn sure wasn't going to let her go screaming and upsetting Alta about this mess.

"It's ok, Sophie." Alta stood at the bottom of the stairs. She looked tired. Her eyes were dark and sunken. It was no secret she'd been crying. Her hand rubbed possessively over her belly as she walked toward the study. Lisa met her halfway with a warm hug and a kiss on her cheek.

"Oh God, Alta. I'm so sorry." Alta melted into Lisa's embrace. She heaved a heavy sigh at Lisa's mothering tone letting herself be cared for; feeling the loving sympathy flow over her, warming her. Alta needed this

Sophia rolled her eyes, not believing how soft Alta had gotten. _Must be the hormones._

"Come on." Lisa guided Alta toward the kitchen. "I'll make some hot tea and we'll get you something to eat." She glanced defiantly at Sophia.

"Good idea." Sophia gave her a weak smile. _Hot tea… I'm having a beer._ And she made her way to the refrigerator grabbing a beer and striding toward the front door. "I'm going back outside. I'm on watch."

After Sophia went back to watch on the front porch, Sonya slowly made her way into the kitchen. Lisa puttered around putting the kettle on and getting cups from the cabinet, Sonya pressed in close and placed her hand in Alta's. "I can help."

"How can you help, Sonya?" Alta looked at the girl wondering what it was she could do. Alta remembered her earlier offer to find Sam.

"I can cook… a little." Her voice was soft and gentle, maybe just a little afraid. It wasn't what Alta was expecting her to say but she could see the teenager girl just wanted to help… like a normal kid.

Alta hugged her young cousin tightly, choking out a giggling sob. "Of course you can. Thank you."

Ben glanced up from his research eying the women in the kitchen. He would definitely keep an eye on Sonya.

**… … …**

Dean and Bobby came in the house shortly after Lisa and Sonya finished raiding Bobby's refrigerator and pantry and putting together a meal of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans, good comfort food for everyone.

"It smells wonderful in here." Dean was salivating as he stepped into the kitchen. He grabbed Lisa from behind as she stirred the beans on the stove. "Hey, baby!" He planted a kiss on her neck, just in the tender flesh below her ear. "Thanks." He whispered and was rewarded with her bright smile. Lisa had a beautiful smile that Dean loved to see especially when he was the one who put it on her face.

"Glad you could find enough supplies. I'm starving." Bobby sniffed the air and patted his stomach. He sat down next to Alta. "How you doing?" She could hear the deep concern in his voice. Alta's hand rested on the table next to her empty mug. Bobby laid his hand on hers giving her a little squeeze.

"We were supposed to go to Lincoln tomorrow. Kat wants to do another ultrasound." Her other hand played across her belly. She didn't look at Bobby. She gazed instead at the baby growing inside her.

"Well, they can hold Sam for 48 hours, so he'll be out on Tuesday afternoon." Bobby watched her carefully. "Unless they charge him." She didn't look up. She didn't react at all to what he was saying. He wasn't quite sure she even heard him talking to her. She looked utterly lost. "Sophia can go to Lincoln with you tomorrow."

"I want to see him." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"We tried." Bobby shook his head. "Sheriff Mills isn't letting us see him. She doesn't really have to."

**… … …**

"Well, I must say this is sooo much fun." Jezebeth smiled with Sheriff Mills' face. "You are just royally screwed." She laughed at Sam. Her dark demon eyes flashed at him. "The whole town is in an uproar, Sam. And most of them want your big head on a pike."

Sam glared at her defiantly. His mouth worked against the duct tape. She reached up and slapped teasingly at his face. "You just go ahead at act all macho." Her hand grasped his chin and she shook it from side to side. "I got you by the short and curly's, Sam Winchester. You're not leaving here alive." Sam jerked his head but her grasp held firm.

**… … …**

Castiel's eyes dimmed. He stood surrounded by flaming holy oil, his face stoic as the shadows of flames ripped across it. He refused to leave Sam to bear the full force of the physical torment to his body. Castiel could feel the tearing of muscle, ligament and tendons in the over stretched shoulders. He felt the tearing skin of fragile wrists, stretched beyond physical limits. Just as he'd done while Sam's soul suffered the tortures of Hell, Castiel again took into himself a portion of Sam's pain.

**… … …**

He felt the hot rough lips against his. A long sharp tongue slipped into his mouth.

_No no no no…_

Sam tried to pull away from the invasion but he was trapped, his hands chained, his face caught in Jezebeth's firm grip; It was Lucifer's sharp tongue that sliced down his throat like a dagger, cutting through his flesh, ripping his throat, slicing its way down into Sam's gut to shred his insides. Blood boiled up, filling his mouth, unable to escape through the gag until it rolled up through his nostrils and poured out of his nose.

"What's this?" Jezebeth was transfixed by the pain on Sam's face. It was amazing… beautiful…

**… … …**

The pain Sam's soul had born in Hell was beyond measure but the trauma to his body here could be fatal and the captive Angel who was Sam's guardian felt the pain tear through his body as he took the trauma on himself. Castiel's grace glowed brightly as his healed himself and Sam. He would take as much from Sam as he could… he couldn't take all the pain, the trauma but he would keep his friend alive as long as he could.

"Cas!" Balthazar watched his brother steadily losing grace as he struggled to heal the assault on his body. Castiel didn't respond. He'd stopped arguing with Balthazar. He used all his energy to take the trauma from Sam's body and then to heal his own vessel. It was hopeless. Castiel would soon die and Sam would die anyway but Balthazar knew he couldn't stop his brother from his insane path.

**… … …**

_Sam?_

His voice came again swirling around Sam in the darkness.

_You know I like it best when you're hanging like that… all helpless. Your arms numb yet? Joints ache? _

His hideous laughter banged around in Sam's head.

_Stop it! Shut up! _

No voices could be heard in the near silent room, only the throaty sounds of Sam's deep voice struggling against the duct tape across his mouth.

_You're not real… I'm in Sioux Falls…Not in Hell… in jail…_

Sam couldn't feel his hands anymore. He could feel the dull ache in his shoulders and the pain as it ripped through his feet and hips. _Where the Hell is Cas?_

His piercing blue eyes pleaded with Heaven. His arms reached up, beseeching. Sam watched as Castiel's pure white wings unfurled and fanned out around the Angel, impossibly large, slowly pulling back and flapping forward but the powerful thrusts didn't lift the Angel. They fanned the flames that surrounded him.

_No, Cas… no!_

Sam screamed and closed his eyes but the vision remained. He couldn't turn away couldn't _not_ watch as Castiel flapped his wings furiously, fanning the flames higher until they engulfed him. His beautiful white wings charring to black as his skin bubbled and boiled away. He screamed in pain until his charred bones fell away into dust in the midst of the burning holy oil. Sam gritted his teeth; his eyes shut; sweat poured off him and he cried. Tears mingling with drops of sweat spattered on the floor of Sam's cell.

_Cas is dead. Burned alive in holy oil. See?_

_It's not real._

_Deep fried Angel… extra crispy…_

_No… no… not real… it's not real…_

Sam's voice whispered inside his head, weak and unconvincing. And he felt Lucifer's clawed hand drag along his bare back laying the skin open as Sam pulled against the cuffs.

**… … …**

Alta was becoming more and more withdrawn. She felt as if she could barely move. Thinking took too much effort. She ached for Sam. The worry in her head and her heart was draining the life out of her. Somehow she knew she would be panicked if she had enough energy.

Lisa sat next to her on the sofa. "Here" She handed Alta a piece of pie. "It's cherry… with ice cream. I made it for Dean. It's his favorite." Alta stared down at the pie and Lisa sighed. "I know you don't feel like eating. You hardly touched your dinner…" Lisa snuggled closer to Alta pressing her warm body next to her friend. She slid her hand along Alta's cheek and gently pulled her face so that they were eye to eye. "You need to eat. You need the calories… for the baby."

Alta nodded. She gazed down at the pie she held in her hands and cut off a fork full; slowly raising it to her mouth she placed the sweet warm/cold mixture on her tongue. Her teeth chewed down into the flakey crust. It was good pie. She swallowed and felt the warmth of the comfort food radiate through her body. She knew Sam would want her to keep up her strength… keeping the baby healthy. She thought about how Sam had poured so much time and energy into learning everything about pregnancy and delivery. He was big on nutrition anyway and since he found out she was pregnant he had watched everything she ate encouraging her toward healthy choices… food that would be good for the baby. But even Sam was not above making a late night ice cream run when her cravings dictated. With warm thoughts of Sam and comfort food her face gave way to a tiny smile and a tiny bit of the despair in her soul eased.

Dean stood at the kitchen door watching the scene in the living room play out between the two women. Alta was taking this hard. He was worried about his brother, but Alta seemed to sense it was worse than he thought. _Women's intuition maybe? Then, maybe it was the hormones._ Pregnant women were a bit of a mystery to him. But as a hunter, he had instincts too and Alta was a hunter… _maybe it was a hunter's instincts._ He slipped back through the kitchen and into the study.

Bobby was at his desk pouring over his books. Dean dropped into a chair beside the desk and sighed.

"Maybe we should just go in, guns blazing and break Sam out of there." He knew it was a stupid suggestion the minute the words left his mouth.

Bobby sighed and looked up at Dean. He gazed at the man for a moment, taking in all the helpless frustration he saw on Dean's face. Bobby knew how hard it was for Dean to _not_ do something. Waiting was not Dean's long suit.

Finally Bobby huffed. "It's not a demon strong hold or a monster's lair. It's the county jail, run by the sheriff and her deputies. Humans, Dean."

"I know." Dean stood and paced across the floor in front of Bobby's desk. "I know how to deal with demons but humans…"

"We can't do this like a hunt or we'll all end up in prison. That won't do Sam any good… or Alta. We gotta go by the law." Dean rolled his eyes in frustration. "It's not the first run in with the law for either one of you. Sam knows how to deal." Bobby held Dean's eyes. "48 hours Dean. That's all they can hold him unless they charge him. 48 hours."

**… … …**

The night dragged on slowly for Sam. He shifted from one foot to the other constantly trying to relieve his aching joints. . He had to stay awake. He had to remain standing. He couldn't fall asleep. His hands and shoulders would never take the pressure of his body weight pulling on them if he fell asleep. But Sam's body betrayed him and each time he dozed the pain would set off dreams… nightmares… And Sam slipped back into Hell.

Lucifer was always there waiting for him… laughing… taunting… touching… tearing. Lucifer took everything, everybody away. In Heaven you relived your best memories; in Hell it was your worst. Sam watched them all… again. Adam's accusing eyes… dead and staring up into Sam's face… the poison of his dead blood pumping through Sam's body.

Sam heard his own voice echoing through his head… _my fault… my fault… I'm sorry… m'so sorry._

Sam jolted awake when he felt Lucifer's sharp tongue cut across his bare back flaying him open and he pushed his body back up on his feet, relieving the pressure on his arms.

Jess's bright blue eyes were innocent and horrified… wide with disbelief and pain as she burned on the ceiling. Her blood dripped on his face from the gaping wound on her belly. It fell in little drops across his forehead. Drip… drip… drip. He opened his mouth to scream as the blood began to pour from her, falling into him. He could feel the thick, sticky warmth; taste the salty, bright coppery fluid roll across his tongue and down his throat filling his belly.

_No… Jess…_ _I should have protected you… I'm sorry… so sorry._

_You liked drinking blood didn't you, Sam. You like Jess's blood?_

Long sharp claws… charred black from eons of Hell fire and smoke… pierced through Sam.

Again, Sam jolted awake and pushed his body back up on his feet.

Dean's body ripped open before him. Blood gushed from the wounds clawed into his chest and his gut by invisible Hell Hounds. Dean's dying screams echoed in Sam's head…

_they carved on me in ways… there aren't words…_

Dean's voice stuttered with pain… pain that Sam knew now… all too well.

_My fault… m'sorry._

_You chose a demon over your own brother… You were the one I depended on the most…_

Sam's body was drenched in sweat and the cold fabric of his clothes clung to him filthy and scratching against his skin.

_This is my favorite one. It's like watching a movie. I think we should have popcorn._

Lucifer taunted Sam.

_Come on, Sam let's see some more._

A thousand pairs of accusing eyes, a thousand wrongs, a thousand mistakes played out in Sam's Hell and with each one Lucifer took a bit of Sam's soul; scraping his claws down Sam's body tearing him apart bit by bit..

Sam grieved for each one... begging forgiveness.

_I'm sorry… so sorry… my fault._

**… … …**

"The man self-tortures." Jezebeth rolled her eyes at Balthazar. They stood before Sam in the cell. By the time morning had come Sam no longer had any bouts of wakefulness. He'd slipped completely into dreams... back into Hell. "I've never seen anything like it. It's amazing to watch." Jezebeth laughed. "Better than Marti Gras."

"Yes, well it's wreaking havoc with my Angel." Balthazar gazed at Sam slumped forward hanging in agony. "Give him some support. At least let him sit on the floor. You're killing my Angel." Balthazar had no particular love for the man but he had no intention of losing his brother to him. Castiel could live well beyond the lifetime of this human if he would separate himself from this abuse but Balthazar knew he wouldn't. He couldn't help whatever was going on in Sam's head but he could at least lessen the physical abuse. Whatever their argument was now, Balthazar knew that within a few hundred years he and Castiel would reconcile and still be brothers, he was sure of it. "We need to keep him alive until the others fall into the trap."

"They'll come whether he's alive or not." Jezebeth sneered.

"You are a heartless bitch." She couldn't tell if his voice was accusing or admiring.

"Well… yea. I'm a demon."

Balthazar gazed down at his demon lover and wondered if she was worth it. Cold and heartless, sometimes she made him want to wretch. It's not that he minded cold and heartless; sometimes it had its uses… like for this particular job, but she could take things to a whole new level. _Yes, well… what the hell? _He grabbed her hair, jerked her head back and covered her mouth in a searing kiss, plunging his tongue deep into her.

**… … …**

"I'm not going. Not until Sam gets out." Alta shoved the plate of half eaten eggs away. She'd spent the night in a fitful sleep. She knew she'd dreamed about Sam but each time she woke the dream faded quickly with just the hint of a scream or moan of pain left fading away like melting butter. She was even more convinced that things weren't going well for Sam. She was supposed to go to Lincoln today for Kat to do another ultrasound and give her a checkup.

"You need to keep your appointment." Dean was trying to be reasonable. "Sam would want you to take care of yourself and the baby, no matter what else is going on."

"Yea." Bobby added. "He gonna want to see new pictures and get a good report from Kat."

"Have you figured out anything yet?" Alta chose to ignore their comments. Her eyes flew from Bobby to Dean. "How about Cas? Have you found him yet?" She could see the big fat NO on both faces.

"Alta calm down." Bobby tried to put a hand gently on her shoulder.

"No!" Alta was beyond agitated. She ran out onto the front porch and spotted Sonya sitting with Ben. She grabbed the girl's hand a pulled her into the house. "I don't know what you can do or how… or why… but you're going to do it. I _have_ to get through to Sam... today… now! Can you do that?"

Sonya and Alta were standing face to face, eye to eye in Bobby's living room. Dean stared from the kitchen at the two women and thought they looked as if they were about to do battle; squared off for a fight. A part of him was in awe of this sight and the hunter in him… or maybe it was the big brother… thought Alta was right. They needed to do something. They'd waited too long. _Dean_ needed to do _something _or he was going to lose his mind. He'd already decided whatever Alta came up with, he was on board. So when Sophia ran toward her sister he grabbed her in mid-flight holding her tightly against him. "Keep your mouth shut." His warning whispered in her ear.

"I think so… I can try." Sonya's voice was hesitant and she glanced from Alta to Dean. "You may not like what I see."

"Doesn't matter." Alta's eyes narrowed. "What do you need?"

"Give me your hands." Sonya held out her hands and Alta placed both of hers into Sonya's warm grasp. Sonya's thumbs rubbed over the back of Alta's hands. It was a soothing feeling and Alta watched as the girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Focus on Sam." Sonya's breath was slow and even as she began to center herself and she reached out to find Sam.

Alta felt the girl reaching into her thoughts and she felt the confusion of Sonya's own doubts and fears. _Focus on Sam._ She pictured Sam in her mind. She saw him standing tall and proud against the firelight his hands stretched out to her… leading her step by step… _my beloved._ It was their wedding. She could hear the sound of his voice… _Our love and friendship have become inseparable and firm…_. _spiritual union.._. _you have become completely mine. I offer my total self to you…_ the sound of the drums as the firelight danced in his hair, little highlights of red mixed with the rich brown. She saw his smile framed by those dimples that always invited her to touch his face… to kiss his lips.

_I shall never deceive you, nor will I let you down. I shall love you forever._ She whispered to him.

Alta felt the sudden shift. The smile became a grimace, the dimples a framework around a silent scream… a flash of silver… his mouth hidden… taped… His eyes not visible… screwed shut… deep wrinkles flying out from them like wings… lines on his forehead… his hair wet… sweat dripping down his face. She saw the bars… his hands bound to the bars behind him.

**… … …**

She walked toward him slowly through the darkness. Her auburn hair flowed around her face in the gentle wind.

_I shall never deceive you, nor will I let you down. I shall love you forever. _

Her crystal green eyes flooded with tears as they shown out from her dark face. Waves of red and orange shadows flickered across her face. Her gait awkward with the huge expanse of her belly and her hands circled around it as she walked into the flames that separated them. She stumbled but caught herself.

_Alta! No!_ _You can't be here… not here._

He struggled to free his hands... to wave her away from this place. When she saw him she screamed his name.

_Sam!_

She began to run toward him her arms reaching for him.

_No... no... no..._

He watched in horror as flames began to sear the edges of her clothes... her hair... blood seeped through the material covering her belly... her baby... Sam's baby.

_Help me..._ _Sam!_

_No! You're not real... this isn't happening… it's not real... not real!_

Sam's voice was raw as he cried his mantra; his throat constricted tightly. He ran toward her, his hands reaching to cover her belly. He didn't want to see what he knew was coming. He didn't want to see the gaping wound... didn't want to see their baby ripped from her in a flood of deep dark red blood and deeper dark pain... consumed with its mother in the flames of Hell.

_Sam!_ _Help me..._

_No! Get back! Get out!_

Sam's hands spread across her bleeding belly. He watched as the blood oozed out between his fingers and his hands disappeared into the blood as he pushed her back... back... away from him_._

He pushed harder, shoving her back into the flames.

_You're not real! Get away from me. _

Through the flames he could see it... the wall... he pushed hard until her back was flush against it.

_Don't. _

She whispered.

Sam pushed hard, his hands sinking into her flesh... her flesh sinking into the wall. He felt the cold structure of the wall as molecules scraped through molecules... He passed through the wall pushing Alta before him... atoms passing through atoms... stretching, pulling like taffy... painful... spaghettifing... stretching him beyond his limit... like dropping through a black hole.

Sitting in silence, his back against the wall, Alta was not there. He pondered his state. Part of him wondered where she was but he knew she couldn't come here with him.

_Here isn't real. It's in my head._

Part of him wondered where he was.

_What is this place? So dark... so lonely._

**… …. …**

Alta's whole body convulsed and pulled against Sonya's hands but the girl held her tightly not letting her break the connection.

"I lost him!" Alta cried. "Get him back."

"Wait!" Sonya commanded. "He pushed you out. He broke the connection." Sonya breathed deep. "Calm yourself. Listen."

Alta took a deep breath trying to refocus on Sam.

Voices came in pieces.

Visions came in glimpses.

Sheriff Mills… laughing… cruel hands on Sam's face...

_You're not leaving here alive..._

Dark demon eyes…

Balthazar…

_killing my Angel_… _such a bitch_…

a brutal kiss…

Sonya dropped Alta's hands and slumped to the floor. Dean released Sophia and she ran to comfort her sister. Alta turned to Dean, her eyes filled with horror. Her instincts were true.

"He's gagged." She whispered. "He's hanging… from a… a cage."

Dean closed the distance between them holding her and bending down to be eye to eye. "At the jail? Sheriff Mills?" He couldn't quite wrap his head around that bit of news.

"She's possessed."

"Jezebeth." Bobby's voice boomed behind them. "That's how she fits into the picture."

"Balthazar was there too. He said she was killing his Angel."

"Cas is in trouble." Dean's voice was low and angry. "If Sam is in pain, Cas may be feeling it to."

"That wouldn't keep him from answering our calls." Bobby mused.

"That bastard!" Realization bloomed across Dean's face. "Balthazar's trapped him. Damn it!" Dean began to pace. "We can summon him here and gank his ass. We got Angel blades."

"That's not gonna help Sam or Cas." Bobby answered.

"Then were going to storm that jail and get Sam out! Everybody armed."

"Wait!" Alta grabbed Dean's arm. "I know where we can get help."

"More Angels?" Dean's look was incredulous. "No!"

"Tabbris will help. I can make her help us." Alta was pleading with Dean. "Get me to the house."

Dean hated this idea. He didn't like or trust Tabbris or Zagzagel. He didn't trust any Angels except Castiel and apparently he was out of commission. But he trusted Alta and her instincts had been right so far… better than anyone else's.

**… … …**

"Give me time."

"Like… how much time?" Dean queried Alta.

"I don't know… maybe 30 minutes."

"No… that seems too long."

"Dean, please. It might be our only hope." Alta turned to the painting on her living room wall. It was one of the paintings she bought for Sam's apartment and he had insisted they bring with them when they moved to Sioux Falls. She gazed at the dark slow moving water and large ancient trees growing close to the banks and hanging out low over the water. She ran her hand across the lonely empty boat pulled up the bank.

She closed her eyes and she smelled the deep green of the dark glade; heard the rippling water of the dark river. Her body burned for him. She felt her need for him low and deep in her soul. _His hazel eyes were dark, so dark they appeared deep blue and he held her in his gaze as he walked to her. His naked body long and lean moved with such grace, just like the Son of the Dawn had once moved across this glade to his lover. The sight of him captivated her. He reached for her caressing her cheek; his long fingers splayed through her hair. She looked up into his face and he lowered his lips to cover hers, tasting the sweetness and feeling the smooth warmth of her. She ran her hands across his chest trailing across smooth skin drawn over taunt muscles; her fingers splayed through the fine dusting of hair tracing across his chest, her hands moved across his shoulders and down his arms._

_She captured his hands and pulled them into her robe urging him to explore the soft warmth of her. She felt his low growl as his hands traced around her waist, opening her robe and pulling her body against him. He lowered his head to lick and bite just below her ear; tracing his way down to the tender pulse of her neck. She felt his hot breath. She swayed against him, swimming in his warmth and the primal music from their souls; his low growls; her soft purrs._

"I feel you near me, Alta." Alta felt the sudden absence of Sam; an empty ache. Tabbris walked out into the glade, her dark eyes gazing at Alta, tracing their way down her body. "You are so beautiful. Are you happy with the child Sam has given you?"

"I've come to ask for your help." Alta's voice was soft… humble; her eyes pleading. This was her last hope, that the Angel would take pity and help her.

"For Sam?" Tabbris's voice was devoid of emotion, her eyes unreadable.

Zagzagel stood by her side, his piercing pale eyes searching Alta… watching… probing deep into her soul.

"I know where he is." Tabbris told her. "I'm aware of his plight."

"Then help him."

"I cannot." Tabbris's voice cut into Alta flaying her thinly stretched emotions until her fear for Sam hummed hot and stinging along her spine.

"Yes, you can." Alta knew the power of the Angel's. She'd seen the Angels battle their way through Hell, kill demons… even Satan himself. She wouldn't let Tabbris get away with this lie. "Tabbris… please. I need him."

"You must learn to live with your loss. He made his choice just as the Morning Star made his choice and I had to learn to live without him." Her admission became crystal clear in Alta's mind.

Zagzagel's pale gaze shifted from Alta to Tabbris and he contemplated the Angel has he had contemplated her through time immeasurable.

"Is this about me and Sam or is it about you and Lucifer?" Puzzle pieces began to fall together in Alta's mind. She understood the pain in Tabbris's voice when she mentioned the Moring Star and her loss.

Tabbris put an arm around Alta, drawing comfort from the aching loss in Alta's soul and the fear of losing her love. Tabbris felt the memory of her own pain glow and radiate throughout her own cold body… pain so long buried… a distant memory… brought back to the surface to burn bright in her heart. Her dark eyes pierced deep into Alta's soul and she pulled in the grief she felt there. It had been millennia since she felt so close to another soul. "I understand your grief. Sam chose… but it was not you that he chose."

"No you're wrong." Alta flung Tabbris's arm off her, tearing herself from the Angels gentle embrace. "Lucifer made his choice but this is not Sam's choice… it's not his doing. This was done to him… by Balthazar and Michael and you, playing your Angel games; using us like pawns." She spat the words at the Angel, hissing her anger like a snake. "Balthazar teamed up with demons and they trapped Sam." Alta's eyes clouded with tears. "Please… please."

"Sam Winchester served his purpose." Tabbris was not unmoved by Alta's rampant emotions but she was not human and she truly thought she was being comforting. "He had a hard life. Started as an insignificant boy who had demon blood in him; destined to lead the armies of Hell and he turned it around. He played a part in one of the biggest battles of the Heavenly Host; helped to kill Lucifer and put Samael as ruler over Hell. Now he's started a new clan of hunters with both Campbell and Winchester blood. You should both be proud."

"If all that's true, then help him now!" Alta sobbed. "If he served you so well…" It didn't matter. Alta could see it on Tabbris's face. The Angel was incapable of sympathy. It was time to change tactics and she did… abruptly. "You would let Balthazar and Michael take him? You would let them outsmart you?"

"It's only a game."

"To you it's a game. He's everything to me. I need him. You used him. You owe him." Her voice broke. She heaved a heavy sigh. She was losing this battle and she knew it. Dean was right. Angels are Dicks!

"He owes me gratitude and respect. Both of which he refused to give!" Tabbris's deceptively soft brown eyes changed to black and hard, something Alta thought was more reflective of her true nature.

"Is that what this is about? Your vanity? You expect him to worship you but he won't because you don't deserve it." Alta's was out of options but she refused to give up. She had one card left to play. "This baby is Sam's. He's the one who wants it." She was stunned as she heard the words falling out of her own mouth and they tasted bitter on her tongue, desperate and inhuman. She didn't plan this… had no idea how it could even cross her mind as a possibility. How could she consider such a thing? She couldn't, and she knew it… couldn't do it to her baby… couldn't do it to Sam … not now. But now was the time because it was her only hope. "He's the only reason I'm having this baby. I won't do it without him!" Alta squared her stance to face Tabbris as a warrior hoping against all odds that Tabbris wouldn't call her bluff. "If you don't fix this… if you don't get Sam back to me…" She breathed a deep breath. "Then you will not see this baby born alive!"

"You would sacrifice your child? Yourself? Are you willing to sacrifice that much for him?"

"I am and I will!"

Tabbris raised her hand and banished Alta from the glade.

Zagzagel raised a tentative hand to Tabbris's cheek. "This game you play has ceased to be righteous." He met her hard black stare with a blinding flare of his pale blue eyes. "This woman is righteous and the Winchesters are needed." His enormous silver wings unfurled, slowly flapping and lifting the Ancient One.

**… … …**

Dean caught Alta's body as it dropped to the floor. "This can't be a good thing." He muttered to himself as he held her in his arms, assessing her. She was breathing, had a pulse… It seemed she just fainted. He glanced up at the painting. _Thirty minutes? She expects me to wait thirty minutes?_ He watched her face. She appeared calm. He could see her eyes moving beneath the lids as if she was dreaming. Dean felt panic rise from his gut. His hand drifted across her belly and he felt Sam's baby move within her. _I'm gonna take care of her. I'm gonna take care of your baby, Sammy._ Dean promised and he took a deep calming breath, determination replacing the panic deep in his soul. _I'm gonna get you out. I'm gonna get you back, Sammy. I promise you._

In only a moment, Alta stirred in his arms. Her eyes fluttered open and she gazed at Dean. "Let's go."

Dean gave her a questioning look. "Go?..."

"I'm with you. We're going to break Sam out of jail now." The determined look that passed between them didn't need any further discussion.

_Finally! Right or wrong… good idea or bad…_ Dean's eyes glowed hot with the fire in his gut. "Let's roll." Dean pulled Alta up with him and they headed back to Bobby's.

**… … …**

Zagzagel hovered over Castiel, his massive silver wings slowly flapping, holding him aloft. The Grace filled wind that poured from each beat of his massive wings weakened the flames of the holy oil surrounding Castiel until they were extinguished. Pale blue eyes flashed as the Ancient One continued to bathe the weakened Angel with the Grace that flowed out with each beat of his wings, strengthening Castiel.

When the Angel's strength was sufficient, Zagzagel tossed Castiel's sword into his waiting hands. Castiel pulled his blade, the massive sword, Heaven's Tears from its sheath and held it aloft; the sword glowing as his immense snow white wings unfurled beating slowly and lifting the Angel to join the Ancient One in flight.

**... ... ...**

Bobby and Dean arrived in the Impala and Alta immediately behind them in the Charger. It was midafternoon when they stood at the back of the cars loading up from the trunks for the fight. A rush of Angel wings announced the arrival of Zagzagel and Castiel with Mark.

"The missing woman will be making an appearance in town within the hour." Castiel's gravelly voice was dry, unemotional. "She'll be confused but in perfect health... physically."

"Cas! Thank God you're ok." Dean smiled at the Angel.

"Thank Zagzagel."

"Well, good to have you both on board. This insane plan just got closer to survivable. We could use Devine help." It was unclear whether Bobby's comment was genuinely thankful or merely sarcastic. Castiel simply gazed at the wizened hunter.

"There will be no need for this." Castiel waved his hand indicating the arsenal in the trunk of the two cars. "I will take Sam out."

"Fine! Then we'll go after the demons." Dean ground out his answer, once again loading rock salt rounds into his gun.

Zagzagel held Heaven's Light above them making them invisible as the hunters converged and entered the jail armed with shotguns loaded with rock salt and flasks of holy water. Castiel led the way holding 'Heaven's Tears' aloft.

"Umm... Cas... we need to have as many survivors as possible." Bobby eyed the massive sword.

"Yea." Dean followed Bobby's gaze. "Preferably all survivors. We live here. Be kinda hard explaining chopped up deputies"

"I understand." Castiel's answered patiently.

They saw it only as a strangely glowing mist that moved through the jail. The deputies looked from one to the other confused, not knowing what to think. No one had ever witnessed anything so strange. The mist enveloped them and the whispering voices made the demons within them writhe in agony.

_Exorcizamus te, omnimundus._

The demons began to cover their ears trying to block out the deadly words.

_Spiritus, omnis satanica potestas. Omnis incursio infernalis adversii. Omnis congregatio. _

The demons began to claw and scratch at their ears, screaming; their cries deafening yet still unable to block out the whispers.

_Et secta diabolica. Ergo, graco maledicte. Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire._

They ran, each in a different direction, like leaves scattered in a whirlwind. None could escape; held in place by the power of Heaven's Light as Zagzagel held the sword above them.

_Te rogamus. Audi nos._

The demons were held firm and unable to smoke out. There in the jail, trapped in their meat suits the demons withered and died leaving unconscious deputies littering the floor of the jail.

Jezebeth was the only demon left but she was not alone. Standing in front of Sam locked away in the deepest part of the jail she sneered at Balthazar. "You got me into this mess… this stupid game of yours… You better get me the Hell out of here!" Her voice screeched as she glared at her Angel lover, her lips still wet from his torturous kiss.

"Of course." Balthazar smiled at her as his wings unfurled but his smile changed from smug to fear as his wings refused to flap… refused to lift him from the floor of Sam's cell. He realized he was trapped when he saw the glowing mist and the shining power of Heaven's Light. But it was Castiel who stood before him Heaven's Tears grasped in his hand. Balthazar raised his blade to strike but Castiel countered quickly, thrusting his sword into Balthazar and watched as his brother sparked, bright light glowing from his eyes and mouth; the reflection of his fading Grace sparkling in the tears brimming in Castiel's eyes.

It was Dean who captured Jezebeth wrapping his arms around her. His rough voice was no longer a whisper as he recited the exorcism in her ear, holding her tight as she struggled, raising his voice louder as she screamed.

Sheriff Mills coughed violently as her guts churned and boiled; Jezebeth failing inside her, rolling and burning and slicing. A demon of her caliber wouldn't just roll over and die. She would linger long and do as much damage as possible on her way out. It was the pain that was first to come into the sheriff's consciousness as she woke up, released from the demon's hold. Blood rolled from her mouth and she groaned. She couldn't move… trapped in a choke hold, she tried desperately to take in air but her throat was all but blocked off.

"Look!" Dean's gravelly voice demanded in her ear. As she slowly opened her eyes she knew… this was worse… worse than the shredding pain in her gut… the pounding in her head… the crushing grip on her neck… the burning of her slowly suffocating lungs…

Sheriff Mills was a good sheriff. She prided herself on the job she did and the kind of officer of the law she was. She kept her county clean and safe and she ran a good, clean and legal jail. Nothing prepared her for the sight she now witnessed in her jail. Sam was unconscious, cuffed to the bars of his cell, his hands behind him and slumped forward. His shoulders bulged at such an impossible angle that it was obvious they were both dislocated from the weight of his body. Blood dripped from his mouth into a puddle on the floor at his feet and his hair and clothes clung to his body wet with sweat. Sam Winchester had obviously been tortured… in her jail… this was the worst. This destroyed everything she thought she was.

"We're gonna take Sam out of here." Dean's voice was low and dangerous, clogged with pain and anger. He could barely push the words past his lips. But he loosened his grip. "And you're not gonna come after him. You're never gonna bother him again." She was numb; limp in his hold. He shook her body like a rag doll. "After 36 hours in your jail, you owe him that much." Dean threw her to the floor. He knew she had been possessed; knew it wasn't her fault but he couldn't bear to look at her. He motioned to Castiel. "Fix her."

When Alta entered the cell she was devastated. She saw her husband hanging, drawn and gaunt. Hollow, dark circles around his eyes, his cheeks sunken and covered with dark unshaven stubble, he was dehydrated and starved. She dropped her gun and ran to him, slipping in the pool of blood at his feet. She grabbed his face in her hands lifting his head up to look at him. His head wobbled on his limp neck, his eyes closed, his face bloody. Alta gagged from the stench. He was filthy, covered with sweat and urine and blood. She didn't have time to release the scream that was building in her throat before Castiel placed a hand on each of them and she realized that they were at home, Sam tucked into bed cleaned and sleeping peacefully his visible wounds healed. She stood beside the bed and watched him sleep.

**… … …**

Sitting in silence, his back against the wall, Sam went to the safest place he could and here, in this place he broke into three…

Part of him wondered where he was.

_What is this place? So dark... so lonely._

_You have no idea just how lonely. _

_I can't believe you brought us back here!_

_Shut up! What was I supposed to do? Did you want to keep playing with Lucifer? He was killing us._

_Maybe he's still killing us and we just don't know. Maybe we just can't feel it here._

_Here isn't real. It's in my head._

Sam slowly stood and gazed off into the dark distance.

_I can't see anything._

_That's because there's nothing here. I spent months behind this wall. I know there's nothing._

_Nothing? There's got to be something._

Sam took a few steps away from the wall, still staring into the distance beyond him.

_No! Don't go there._

_Maybe that's the way out of here._

_No! You have no idea what's down there._

Sam stepped closer. One cautious step, then another... One part of him trembled with fear.

_He lives there... he's there all the time... he never leaves._

_He's dead, damn it! I saw him die!_

_He's there... It's the only place he can be._

_That's right… he can't be in Hell anymore… Samael's the ruler of Hell._

_We got him evicted._

_Can't you feel him? Can't you smell him? _

_**TBC**_

_**Hope you enjoyed this latest chapter. Quite dark, I know but better times are coming soon for the Winchesters and family. **So sorry it's taking me a bit longer to get posts up but I must admit that I have to do overtime and some crazy shifts at work so my brain is not happy and my MUSE is feeling neglected. But I must make a living…_

_**Please review if you like. I love the encouragement.  
>Thanks to all those who review… I'd call you Angels but that might not be a complement in this 'verse.<br>Thanks to everyone who follow, alerts and favorites my story.**_


	52. Chapter 52

_**Family Secrets: Part three – Old Haunts/New Beginnings – chapter 12**_

_**.**_

_**God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes.**_

_**'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues.**_

_**Then you really might know what it's like. **_

_**.**_

_**I've seen a rich man beg, I've seen a good man sin, I've seen a tough man cry.**_

_**I've seen a loser win, and a sad man grin.**_

_**I heard an honest man lie.**_

_**I've seen the good side of bad, and the down side of up, and everything between.**_

_**.**_

_**God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes.**_

_**'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose.**_

_**Then you really might know what it's like.**_

_What It's Like - Everlast_

**… … …**

He thought it should be cold… but there was no such thing as hot or cold here. Dark and light weren't even the same as in the waking world, in fact it wasn't so much dark as it was gray, dulled... not colorless exactly but the colors were meaningless even life and death lost their certainty.

_I don't like this place._

_Nobody likes this place._

Sam slid his hands along the wall. _Let's get the hell outa here._

_Huh._

Sam snorted.

_You've never been here... Sammy._

He sneered the nickname like it was a curse.

Sam had never heard his nickname use in such raw hatred. It had always been a term of endearment... the love of a father... a brother. This self-loathing abasement made his skin crawl.

_Are you mad at me? It's not like it was my choice. I didn't put you behind the wall._

_Stop it._

Sam cringed. His voice dropped to a whisper.

_Just shut up. He'll hear._

_I'm just about sick of your paranoia!_

Sam's face was hard, eyes narrow, mouth a thin line_._

_I ought to just kill you right now._

He lunged forward.

_Hey... hey... hey... Wait._

His hands raised, Sam placed himself between the other two.

_Look, we need to work together and figure this out. I don't want to stay here._

_And you think I do? _

Sam turned to face him_. _

_It took me months to get out of here... months...while you sat in a cubicle and played on computers. _

_I had a job. I was making a normal life._

_You were letting Dean emasculate you. You were giving up everything… everything we are… A Hunter! Sam Winchester is a hunter! We can never be anything else. You wanted to be a computer geek._

_I hunted._

_I made you hunt. I did that. You hid from Dean like a naughty child._

_Stop it! He'll hear you!_

_So what! Let him hear._

_You don't understand. Whatever he hears…whatever he knows… he'll use it against us._

Sam lowered himself to the ground, back against the wall.

_He wants us split apart. _

_It's your fault. You're the one who keeps dragging up all the Hell memories. _

Sam squatted before the one at the wall, eye to eye.

_You're the one that can't let that crap go. The bastard is dead! We saw Samael kill him!_

Sam dropped down to come between the two, once again.

_Look._

He jerked his head toward the distance. Light flashed and sparked from beyond the horizon.

_He's right. I think Lucifer is here. He's the source of that… storm._

Sam's eyes narrowed as he turned again to the one whose back was against the wall. Anger flared.

_Stop it or I'll kill you. _

_No! _

_Why not? We'll be better off without him. He's weak. It's his weakness that keeps dragging us back into that Hell with him._

Sam gazed at the terrified one, cringing against the wall.

_No. We need him. We need all of us._

_I don't need him. I don't need you either. I did just fine on my own._

_No. No you didn't. You couldn't feel without me… couldn't love without me. We need all of us… you me and him._

_He won't let us out. _

Sam's eyes were filled with fear as he gazed up at the other two.

_I say we go and kill that bastard… again._

He jerked his head toward the distant flashes of light.

_I'm getting out of here… I'm going home… to Alta and my baby!_

_I want that too but how? We don't have any weapons. _

_Fine! You stay here and watch 'hopeless and helpless'. I'll go kill that bastard myself._

… … ...

Dean sat on a chair next to Sam's bed. He leaned his head back and propped his feet up next to Sam's. Sam's face was smooth and blissful in sleep. Still as death, Dean thought; like the time Dean brought his body back from Cold Oak and laid his dead body out in an abandoned house. It had been more than Dean could bear. He'd sold his soul to save his brother. He wouldn't do it again. They'd made a pact… no more deals. It only made things worse.

"How long this time, Sammy?" Dean muttered. He scraped a hand across his face. Would this be the time Sam didn't come back… _what if he can't make it back…?_ Then Dean had family to take care of. If Sam couldn't come out of this… Dean shook his head. _No! Sam's going to come out of this. He's going to come back._

Dean heaved a heavy sigh. He'd been sitting with Sam all morning while Alta went to Lincoln to see Kat and have her checkup and ultrasound. It had been two days and Sam still didn't wake. Castiel had healed his body but he couldn't fix Sam's mind. He couldn't bring Sam back from wherever the hell he gone off to.

Rachael Lameroux had called Vern to meet her at the airport where she flew in from a wild weekend in Vegas that she couldn't seem to remember too much about. But Vern met a very contrite Rachael who clung to her husband and tearfully promised that she had always loved him and always would. She couldn't imagine what had gotten into her but she promised she'd never let anything come between them again and could he possibly forgive her.

Dean had snickered. "I didn't think you were that creative." He'd told Castiel.

"It was Mark's idea." Castiel told Dean.

"Well played." Dean nodded to Mark, who gave a shy smile. "Thanks."

The whole town now had a new and different take on the incident and Sam was a cult hero. He suffered wrongly at the hands of the law and there was nothing Sioux Falls liked better than siding with the underdog… the one who'd been wronged… their own long suffering outlaw hero… And suddenly none of them had ever doubted Sam was innocent. None of them had ever thought he was a mad man or a killer. So the town's people kept up their own urban legend about the whole affair. And Sam came out smelling like a rose. Sheriff Mills… not so much.

Alta would be home soon and Dean knew that Lisa would come and cook supper for them and do what she could to help Alta before she and Dean went home for the night. Alta had insisted that she didn't need Dean to stay all night. But right now it was just Sam and him. Dean spent the afternoon puttering around the house. He fixed the drip in the bathroom faucet, washed and put away the few dishes in the kitchen sink, brought in enough fire wood to last through the rest of winter, stacking it all along the wall next to the woodstove in the living room. He dusted his hands standing back to look at his handy work and his brow wrinkled as he rolled his eyes. The room seemed quite a bit smaller with this huge stack of wood reaching halfway to the ceiling and stretching out into the room taking up a quarter of the small space. _Maybe I got a little carried away._

He fed the Chikala and even though he wasn't much of a cat person he let the little thing sit on his lap and she taught him the way cats liked to be scratched; behind her ears, under her neck and Dean's favorite… at the base of her tail. He couldn't help but laugh when she lifted her butt up in response to his scratching and he figured that must be her favorite too. She jumped from Dean's lap to the bed. She sniffed at Sam's face and nuzzled in the hair behind his ear. Sam didn't move. His body remained motionless. There was only the rhythm of his breathing… the slow inhale, exhale… the rise and fall of his chest. The little cat ended up sleeping curled up between his legs most of the afternoon.

Dean sat and gazed at his sleeping brother. "Come on, Sammy." He coaxed. "You've got to come back to us. I can't do this by myself."

_Yes you can._ Sam's voice echoed back to him across the years.

"Yea. Well, I don't want to." Dean answered the memory as he had eight years ago… before Dad died… before he'd gone to Hell… before he lost Sam… before everything… when they were so young… when they had no idea what was coming down the wire for them.

… … …

Sam turned from the other two and headed off into the distant storm. His shoulders were set and his long legs carried him quickly away. He held his head high, his jaw tense, his eyes focused. This was the fearless one, strong and brave, determined to end this, determined to get back to life. He would do this with or without the others help.

Sam watched from the crest of a small hill, torn between the other two. Dread curled deep in his gut as he watched part of himself stride off into the distance to do battle alone… without back up and the hunter in him knew this was wrong… a bad idea. But he was reluctant to leave the other terrified and alone. He was caught between the strong one and the weak one.

Sam huddled next to the wall and looked up to see him staring off into the distance, his shoulders tight, his fists clenched. He swayed forward, hesitated then glanced back. Lights sparked and sputtered behind him. It looked like lightening from a distant storm. And it was a storm but it would bring no rain. This storm would bring life or death. They would either escape this place and live or remain trapped here and die.

… … …

Alta came home with pictures and a good report from Kat. Everything looked fine. The baby was progressing normally and her due date was May 14th, so she had eight weeks to go and the baby would be born in the spring. She liked that idea. It seemed right somehow to begin life in the spring. She planned to have the baby at home. Alta had a midwife in Sioux Falls and Kat promised to come for the delivery as well. But Kat wasn't an obstetrician and she made it clear she would be there as a friend.

Alta shared the new ultrasound pictures with Dean and Lisa, all but the one that revealed the baby's sex. She kept that one to herself. "I don't want anyone else to know before Sam knows." She told Dean. He gazed at her and his soft green eyes made her breath catch. "Don't look at me like that." She warned. "He's going to wake up."

"I know he is." Dean quickly hid the pain and fear that festered in his gut. "No doubt in my mind." Alta took it for the encouragement he meant it to be but she could see the worry that furrowed between his eye brows and made little lines around his uncertain smile. She recognized the look because worry and dread plagued her thoughts as well.

"Well, come on. You need to eat." Lisa broke the tight bond of mutual fear that pulled the two together. She took Alta's hand and led her to the table, tossing Dean a look that he read to mean he should lighten up. Lisa told her that the women in her self-defense class were planning a baby shower for her. After they ate Lisa and Alta went on line and registered her at Baby's R Us so that she could get the things she needed. They talked about changing the spare bedroom into a nursery. Alta didn't pick out colors or a theme yet. She wanted to wait until Sam could help her choose. She didn't think he would have much of an opinion really but she knew he wanted to be involved in everything.

… … …

When Sam looked back and saw him huddled against the wall, trembling with fear he was filled with pity. But it was a brief indulgence. His face shifted, from pity to anger then to challenge.

_It's the only way out of here. We have to do it together._

Sam ran back to the wall and held out his hand. Once he'd made up his mind, the wind whipped up and blew hard against them blowing his hair across his face and shoving his voice back into his throat. He bent closer until he was face to face and screamed above the violent wind.

_Come with me. _

He was the reasonable one caught in a windstorm between the strong and the weak. He was the one who could find the answer.

_You have both of us. You don't have to face him alone… _

Sam grasped his arms holding him tight and lifting him from his crouch against the wall.

_But you have to face him._

The weak one, filled with the terrors of Hell… the fear on the tormentor who lay at the end of this journey… slowly nodded and allowed himself to be pulled into the storm, against the wind.

The closer Sam came to the center of this place the more violent the storm became. Long before he came to the center he could see flashes of pure white light arching across the darkness reaching above his head like tendrils of lightening. He knew… he could feel it. This was power in its purest form and it was growing stronger each moment… each step closer… It didn't occur to him that it wasn't that he was coming closer to Lucifer's power but that he was moving farther from himself… becoming more fragmented.

Deep in the center of this place Lucifer writhed; his serpent like body coiled and knotted in on itself. Dark slick skin rolled like a seething cauldron. Black charred wings rose above his body. Impossibly long arms ending in sharp clawed hands reached and tore at everything around him, throwing bolts of electrifying power across the sky. His head weaved atop a long slender neck. Sam had cringed at the memory of the creature the Son of the Dawn had become after countless millennia in Hell. But the creature Lucifer had become, trapped in the confines of Sam's tortured memories was even more hideous and Sam glared into the red eyes that tormented him… the sharp teeth and claws. This creature held more power over Sam than he was willing to give to it.

_It's time to be done with this._

Sam swore to himself as he plunged toward the presence of Lucifer… the memory of the monster that refused to fade. The heat and stench that radiated off its serpent like body nearly overpowered him. Lucifer's charred black wings beat the hot sulfurous air against Sam's body. He flung long arcs of power at Sam, striking his body and burning across his skin. Sam steeled himself against the pain and lunged forward.

_You are not real damn it!_

Sam's hand clenched around the hilt of an Angel's blade that appeared from… he didn't know where, and he didn't stop to wonder about it. He struggled to get closer to the one who tormented them all. Lucifer writhed and dodged as Sam lunged with his blade. He spat and Sam ignored the heat and the smell and the searing pain. He had to get to the monster. He had to kill it or this would never end. The roar of Lucifer's anger was deafening. And Sam dodged a blow from Lucifer just before he sighted the others flanking him.

_Give him the blade._

It was the rational Sam who nodded toward the weak one as he screamed against the raging storm.

_What? No! _

The strongest one lunged forward and slashed the Angel blade toward Lucifer catching his arm with a glancing blow that left a small slice and gained an angry howl and a searing bolt of power from Lucifer. Sam slumped back, air knocked from his lungs.

_It has to be him. _

Sam's head jerked to indicate the weak one whose wide eyes fixed on Lucifer with unimaginable fear.

_He has to be the one to kill him or he will never die._

_Damn it! _

Sam screamed glaring, but he could see the logic and he turned and tossed the blade to his weakest part. There was no fear in him but there was anger and doubt. Trust was not in his nature. His soulless-self had never trusted and now it seemed he had no choice. It was a leap of faith… faith he did not have but he made the leap anyway and Sam gave a primal scream as he jumped on the back of the glowering devil, catching him by surprise. Sam's feet braced against Lucifer's shoulders and his arms locked around the beast's neck, just below his chin. He hunkered down, every muscle in his body taunt with the force it took to arc out his tormentor's giant neck and exposed it to the blade. He screamed.

_Do it!_

Strength held Lucifer fast. Reason reached out to Fear pushing him forward and Fear swung hard and fast to slit the neck of his tormenter. It was done. And Sam raised the Angel's blade in triumph as he stood alone. A strong wind blew across Sam's body touching him with a deep chill and blowing his hair wildly about his head. He heaved a deep breath and looked up to see color begin to spring to life... vivid, bright blue shy, snow white clouds, emerald green grass. Sam breathed in the fresh smell of green… the smell of spring. He felt good… whole and he heard in the distance the crashing sound of the wall as it fell.

… … …

It was the third night that Alta had slept next to Sam as he lay motionless. He had been severely dehydrated and malnourished when they brought him home. Castiel had not only cleaned him up but had seen to his physical needs, repairing his body with his heavenly Grace. But Sam still looked thin and his cheeks hollow, the skin around his eyes dark. He had five days of stubble… no, beyond stubble… he had a full beard.

Alta cared for him meticulously. She washed his body, combed his hair, kissed him in the night and laid her head against his chest to listen to his heartbeat but he had not responded. He didn't feel her caresses or her kiss. And he didn't hear her beg him to wake up. As he lay flat on his back she turned to her side, her back to him and stared into the darkness.

Sam felt the warm purring ball of fur curled up on the pillow above his head. When he opened his eyes he felt her sniff at his hair and he reached a long arm up to find her head and scratch behind her ears. Chikala stood and stretched, arching her back high and then moving softly down along the side of his body, pausing briefly to touch her cold nose to his cheek before she dropped to the floor and he listened to her paws treading toward the kitchen apparently satisfied that he was alright.

Sam rolled softly to his side and eased up against Alta's back. She woke when she felt the heat of his body and the tender pull of his arms as he spooned her up against him. He buried his face in her hair breathing deep and pulling the scent of her into his body, purging away the smell of sulfur… blood… evil… He nuzzled deeper until his lips reached the tender skin below her ear. He kissed and ran his tongue along her soft flesh tasting her as his hands searched her body… one settling against her heart and one searching to cradle his child.

"Oh God. Sam." She choked on the words and Sam was overwhelmed by the wave of emotions that poured from her. Pain… fear… anger… relief… more than he could recognize all at once. She fought so hard… held on to hope against all odds… had been strung out for so long and now… The tightly stretch band that was her emotions snapped. The relief was more than she could bear. He felt her body seize as she choked his name out. She felt as if the knot in her throat and in her chest would rip her apart. Her hands flew to her face as tears burned her eyes. She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes rubbing until she saw dark spots. A low keening wale came from the back of her throat.

"Shhh… shhh… shhh…" Sam wrapped himself around her. One long leg over her thighs, pulling her closer. "I got you, Alta… shhh… It's ok… I'm ok…" He brushed her hands away from her face and covered her with one large hand, stroking her temple with his thumb. She wrapped one hand around his arm and he captured her other hand against her stomach and she felt him holding her… surrounding her… grounding her… keeping her from exploding. He held her… stroked her… cooed softly to her until after long terrifying moments she calmed. Her body finally went still as she let out a long slow breath and Sam followed behind her with a relieved sigh of his own.

"That's not how I meant to greet you when you woke up." She snorted out a little laugh that got choked up in her throat.

He eased her around to face him. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright? God, Sam!" She buried her face against his chest and he held her tight against him one large hand covering the side of her face. "You were in Hell… again… I could feel it… see it… I've seen your dreams… I know…"

"Shhh. Don't, Alta." Sam kissed the top of her head. "I'm alright." His voice was soft. "I'm better than alright. I think…" He'd killed Lucifer. He'd become one again. The wall was gone. "I can still remember but… I'm not going to be tortured. I think… I know… I'm better now… much better."

Alta pushed back and gazed into his eyes. She could see the first light of the dawn sparkling them as he gazed back at her and his smile… his beautiful smile… He was happy. He looked better than she seen him in… maybe ever.

… … …

Sheriff Mills had called on a great many people over the years that she had served as both deputy and then sheriff but this… she was sure was the most difficult call she ever made. She'd swallowed her pride and come to face the man she'd nearly destroyed. She didn't have to do this but she was a brave soul and it was important to her to put things right… and she had been wrong. She took a deep breath and knocked.

Sam opened the door to see the sheriff standing there. He recognized her and he met her soft brown eyes with searching hazel ones. The last time he'd seen those eyes they were the deep empty blackness of demon eyes… evil… hate filled. But he saw her now as fully human… only human. "Sheriff Mills?"

"I came to apologize." She looked up at Sam Winchester and his big frame filled the doorway. He towered over her and she couldn't help but be intimidated by his size alone. She saw Dean move up behind his brother and she prayed this would go well. She would understand if Sam ordered her off his property. But Sam gave a quick glance to his brother and then he stepped back holding the door open.

"Come in." He waited for her to walk past him into the living room and motioned her toward the sofa to sit. "Would you like a cup of coffee?" Sam looked at Alta who stood in the kitchen doorway. "Would you mind getting the sheriff a cup of coffee?" Both women looked to each other and nodded.

"I've been talking with Bobby Singer about what happened and he explained a lot of things to me." She sat on the edge of the sofa and Sam sat in a chair at her side. Dean moved off to lean against the largest stack of firewood she'd ever seen in anyone's living room. He folded his arms across his chest. She knew he was waiting on his brother and she knew whatever Sam Winchester decided, Dean Winchester would back him up.

"Then you know that what happened wasn't your fault." Sam's head was bowed and he looked at her with what she thought just might be the sweetest smile she'd ever seen. For such a big man, Sam could make himself seem utterly _un-_intimidating. "You were as much a victim as I was."

"But you were tortured…" She swallowed hard. "In my jail… by my hand." She heard and felt Dean shift. Then Alta came and handed her the cup of coffee, sitting beside her on the sofa. "I'm so sorry… I…"

"You know who I am." Sam motioned to all three of them, Dean, Alta and him. "You know what we do." She nodded. "Is this going to be a problem for us here in your county?"

She wondered if this was some kind of veiled threat. But his eyes were steady… open… honest. "No. Now I know what's out there, maybe it's better for this town that you're here." Sam nodded his approval. "Just…" She hesitated. "If you could try to keep it out of my county… maybe even out of the state… Mr. Winchester."

Sam laughed and she smiled in return. "Call me Sam."

"And you can call me Jody." This was a wise and reasonable man. She knew she would be able to trust him. Suddenly she remembered. "Oh!" She pulled a gold chain from under her shirt. Dangling from it was an anti-possession charm. "Bobby gave me this."

"Good." Sam eased the collar of his shirt down to reveal the pentagram tattoo on his chest.

"Oh." Jody glanced at Alta.

"Back of my neck." Alta pointed to her neck and smiled.

"Same at Sam's." Dean walked toward her from the giant stack of firewood. "I'm sorry if I was a little… rough… talking to you… at the jail… Adrenalin…" He smiled.

"S'ok. I get it." She sipped the warm coffee. "So, we're good?"

"We're good." Sam assured her.

… … …

She'd been watching him all morning. When he came in from his morning run she noticed how long and lean he looked in his sweats. Not the emaciated, dehydrated lean look he had when he came back from the jail but his usual healthy lean and muscled. It was amazing what a week of rest, good food and exercise had done for him… body and soul.

She watched as he pulled off his hood and ran his hands through his dark hair, wet with sweat. When he pulled off his jacket and shirt, rubbing his hands together and holding them up to the wood stove… those graceful sexy hands, warming them and then rubbing them across his chest... she could see the steam rising off his body. When he came into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water he stood so close she couldn't help that her body leaned toward him. She could smell him; the sweat running down his back and down his chest pooling in his bellybutton. He glanced at her and as he headed to the shower, she felt his hand slide across her ass... barely touching her so that she almost wondered if she had actually felt it or just imagined it. She didn't see the grin on his face as he walked away leaving her flushed.

The hot water rolled down his body, his hands tracing a soapy path from his hair down his chest and his abdomen. He thought about how smoking hot she was when she watched him like she did this morning. The desire in her was so strong he could hear it singing, a throbbing beat that begged him to take her. The smell of her need poured out of her like a fountain. It was intoxicating. He felt lust coil in his belly and like a snake he wanted to strike hard and fast...

She was waiting for him when he came out of the shower. Her eyes were wide and dark, the pupils so dilated with desire she couldn't focus. Her lips were swollen and pouting begging to be kissed. Her breast heaved as she drew deep breaths into her lungs. He could see the heat radiating off her body... smell the hormones rolling out of her pores... filling his nostrils... filling his head. He breathed her in and tasted her on his tongue.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the bed. He smiled down at her and gave her a quizzical look. He knew what she wanted but he couldn't resist the temptation to fan the flames of her desire even hotter. He pulled off the towel he'd tied around his waist and reached for the robe she was wearing, pulling it free from her body as they reached the bed. She was flushed... and he thought she might be glowing. Her flesh beneath his searching hands was flaming hot.

"Sam!" she demanded.

"I'm here, Alta." He followed and as she lay back on the bed he crawled over her holding his body above her and looking down at her needing him. God, how he loved her pregnant body. Her breasts were so round and full. They were tight, overflowing his big hands as he held them. He loved the way her areola grew so dark and he ran his tongue across her hard nipples eliciting a moan from her. She smelled different… she tasted different… rich and warm… soft… He felt and smelled the nurturing, mothering, ultra feminine smell of her and it sparked a longing in him for the mothering nurturing he couldn't remember… so little of it… so long ago. His hand circled her belly. He loved that round belly growing out from her small frame, impossibly large... full of his baby... The thought of part of him growing deep inside her and the way her ass widened out to carry that beautiful belly... He loved to watch her ass... He loved to hold that beautiful ass. Like her breast, it overflowed his big hands. He loved all the changes her body was going through… everything she would go through to give him a baby… his son.

The birth would be soon and that thought tempered his lust. He steeled himself to be gentle. Her hormones... the white hot lust she felt for him was like fuel on fire. His body screamed to take her but he was determined to be easy with her... to satisfy her gently and he held himself above her, keeping pressure off her belly as he reached for her lips. He probed softly, sliding his tongue along hers and she hungrily sucked him into her mouth... demanding more.

Sam's tongue explored her mouth, her lips, her teeth, tasting her desire and she clung to him as his hand smoothed its way down her body, brushing across her sensitive nipple, gliding along the curve of her hip, his fingers splayed across her belly and down through the thick dark hair searching for her warm wet depth. He slipped a long finger into her wetness and she moaned against his lips.

Alta responded to his encouragement as he pulled her onto her knees. His long arms reached around her grabbing the pillows and stuffing them under her hips to help her support the extra weight and ease the pressure on her back. He was careful not to put his weight on her as he eased into her hot center. She moaned at the pleasure of feeling him slide into her pushing until he was completely buried and his thighs were flush against her skin. She felt the warmth of him, the fine hairs of his chest against her back. He lowered his mouth to her ear and licked the tender flesh below it and she heard and felt his hot sigh as he rocked deep inside her.

"Sam." She whispered his name and he trailed kisses down her throat and across her back as he fell into a slow rhythm rocking deep. His hand wandered across her body until he finally… finally… finally found the sensitive bundle of nerves that had been crying out to him and when he brushed a long finger across her clit she shivered and called his name again.

"Ummm" He moaned as he lengthened his strokes… longer and deeper into her and his fingers swirled around… electrifying her and sending shivers along the length of her body. "So good… You're so beautiful…" He could feel the tension building in her… feel the shivers of her muscles… in her thighs… in her stomach… feel her shivering around him as he picked up the pace of his thrusts. Her head dropped and he nibbled at the back of her neck, biting and licking, sucking and marking her.

"Ungh…" She groaned and the sound tore through Sam like a knife. He could feel his hot seed gathering deep in his gut straining for release. Fighting to hold back… to make it last longer… to please her more… to feel her come around him… was sweet torture. He shifted, bring one hand to her chest, holding her, easing the stress on her body while her continued to caress her clit with tiny, so...so...so good circles. She began to buck back against him and he knew she was close… so close. He thrust harder angling for the spot deep inside her… the spot he knew so well would make her scream.

"Do it…. do it for me, baby." He whispered in her ear. "Let me feel it… feel you come on me." When he felt her spasms around him, he thrust and stroked her through all the aftershocks. "That's it baby… feels so good." Every ounce of control he had broke in him and he thrust deep and fast. "So good… so good… so good…" The words were choked in his throat and she thrust back against him pulling him in deeper and tightening her muscles around him. "Oh Alta… Oh God… Oh… Ummm…" The sound of his strangled cries and the vision of his face, blissful… his mouth hanging open, panting… his eyes rolled back and finally lost behind his closed lids… He fell to his side, his arms weak as he pulled her to him.

Sam laid on his back and Alta situated herself so that her belly fell between his splayed legs, her body supported on his abdomen and her head on his chest; once again supporting her and taking the stress off her back. Sam's long arms came in handy as he reached to the floor, retrieving the comforter and covering their shivering bodies.

"I love you so much." He voiced both their thoughts.

... ... ...

_**TBC**_

_**So it was hard to write three Sam's and I'm not sure if you can always tell which one is which... I hope it's not confusing and that this actually turned out the way I wanted it to. Understandable and not too crazy to read.**_

_Next time Sam and Alta's baby will be born (Supernatural style of course) and the end of part three. Thanks to all for your encouragement along the way with the wonderful comments. As always thanks to those who follow, alert and favorite._

_**Please take a moment to review if you like**__. _


	53. Chapter 53

Family Secrets: Part three – Chapter 13

_**Wake up to a new morning**_

_**Got my babe by my side**_

_**Now I won't yield to new warnings**_

_**'Cause I got my piece of mind**_

_**.**_

_**Who could bring me heaven**_

_**When heaven's already here?**_

_**.**_

_**No more living in darkness**_

_**Now that love lights my way**_

_**I don't need any new changes**_

_**To make me love today **_

_**.**_

_**Who could bring me heaven**_

_**When heaven's already here?**_

_Heaven's Already Here – Collective Soul_

… … …

Alta's eyes flew open... again. She sighed. All night long... forty five minutes... an hour... maybe close to two hours tops. She kept waking up... hands numb... feet tingling... and always... always... always... burning acid rolling up her throat and bursting into the back of her mouth. She felt as if she was drowning in it.

It was still dark but the thought of struggling with sleep again made her want to cry. She sat up on the side of the bed moving as quietly as she could. It was best to get up and walk around a bit. That seemed to help with her hands but her feet were worse tonight than they had been yet and she gazed down at them in the pale light. _Fat feet. God! What ugly fat feet… look like they belong to somebody else… _She ran her hands across her swollen belly. _I feel like a toad! Might as well get up. I need to pee... again. God! What I wouldn't give for a decent night's sleep. _

Every time she woke restless in the night, Sam woke too. He waited until she was in the bathroom before he got up and headed into the kitchen. He pulled Maalox tabs from the cabinet and a pack of crackers. Then he poured a tall glass of milk and made his way back to the bedroom. He hated eating in bed, especially crackers but he wanted to comfort Alta more than he hated crackers in bed so he made an exception for pregnancy.

"Come here." Sam was sitting on the bed when she came out of the bathroom. He held out his hand to her and his eyes were soft; his voice so calm, she knew he wanted to help but she was frustrated beyond her limit. Who knew nine months could drag on so long... and she still had another month to go.

The days weren't bad. She could keep herself busy preparing for the baby… cleaning... not just the cleaning house but securing the weapons and baby proofing. She wasn't able to teach anymore so Sam was instructing the women in her self-defense classes. His methods were quite different but she thought the women were better for learning from both of them... different techniques... and none of the women seemed to mind the change. Sometimes Alta went with him… got out of the house… got a little exercise and maintained her contacts.

Lisa gave them a baby shower at the studio and more people came than expected. All the women in Alta's classes… Sheriff Mills… Makawee and Wahkan… Kat and Bobby… Mark and Sophia… even Dean's new 'friend' Dante Welch, who was quite generous giving them all the baby furniture they needed including a crib and a rocking chair even a baby monitor. Alta was delighted but Sam was suspicious. It seemed way too much for someone who hardly knew them. Dean grinned and told Sam it was ok… the man was wealthy beyond their imagination… he could afford it. Sam gave Dean a knowing look… "Nothing is ever free, Dean." He told his brother.

"Yea, well this is…" Dean clapped Sam on the shoulder. "No worries… He's nerdier than you… but he's ok." Sam just rolled his eyes and later he thanked the man… but he couldn't help the feeling he got that he just didn't trust him.

The shower was a nice opportunity for the town's people to get a close look at their new cult hero and Sam didn't disappoint. He was nice enough but he was aloof and closed off from everyone but family… not rude… just not really open and trusting. And everyone thought they understood him… Sioux Falls own tragic hero.

So while the days were filled with things that needed to be done before the baby came, the nights had become difficult. Alta was holding fluid, making her hands and feet swell and it was worse at night when she was still… sleeping… Kat said it was not dangerous. Her blood pressure was normal and everything was progressing nicely so she was uncomfortable but healthy.

"I can't go back to bed, Sam. I'm exhausted from trying to sleep."

He ignored how ridiculous that sounded. "Just come here for a few minutes. Then if you want to, we'll get up."

Sam sat with his back to the headboard; his legs sprawled out around Alta as he leaned her up against his chest. She sighed. It felt good to nestle against his strong warm body... to feel how much he cared about her... loved her. "You don't have to get up just because I can't sleep."

"I got you some milk. You want crackers or Maalox." It was no coincidence that Sam knew what she needed... how to comfort her and make her feel better. When he found out Alta was pregnant he started studying everything about pregnancy and he hadn't stopped researching since that day. He poured as much... more… energy and time into their pregnancy than any hunt he'd ever researched. Every change she went through, he was one step ahead. So her swelling feet and hands... her heartburn... her bouts with sleeplessness were not a mystery to him.

"It's pretty bad..." She swallowed against the burning in her chest. "I'll take the Maalox." She chewed on the antacid and snuggled against him while he wrapped his arms around her pulling her close.

"It might help the heartburn if you're not lying flat." He offered her the milk. She refused it and sighed.

"Yea." She agreed. "I shouldn't have eaten so much... stomach's too full." She glanced up at him a bitter little smile on her face. "You tried to tell me."

"I'm just sorry you're hurting." He caressed her face slowly rubbing his thumb across her temple. "Ok, so Reuben's are off the menu for a while... probably too much salt. I should have known... Sorry."

"Sam, you've done everything to take care of me... everything to make this easier." She gazed down at her belly running her hand lightly over the swell that was her baby... their baby.

The bitter acid was neutralized and her hands and feet felt better now that she'd been up and moving around a bit. She could feel the warmth of his body seeping into her. He idly played with her hair with one hand while the other gently wandered across her belly. When he felt her relax and her breathing even out to become the deep relaxing rhythm of sleep he laid his head back against the headboard, closed his eyes and drifted to sleep for one more precious hour.

**... ... ...**

"No, we're keeping the baby in the room with us."

"But we have an extra bedroom just perfect for a nursery. We have all this furniture for it…"

"Our bedroom is big enough for a crib and the changing table."

"And the chest of drawers and the rocking chair…?"

"It'll fit… all of it. I want the baby in our room… so I can keep an eye on him… keep him safe." Sam gave a heavy sigh and Alta knew something worried him… something she didn't quite understand.

"Sam… what's this really about? We have the baby monitor. We can hear if anything goes wrong."

"No… Michael's still out there and we don't know what he might be up to… and…"

"And what?" Alta placed a gentle hand on Sam's arm and moved to be in the line of sight of his bowed head.

"I was six month's old… alone in my crib… when Azazel bled into my mouth and cursed me for life." Sam's eyes were dark and intense. Alta could see how important this was to him and the love that swelled in her was almost more than she could bear. He was never more beautiful than now in his fierce need to protect their baby… their son.

"You're right. We'll make room for as long as we need." Her hand grazed lightly along his face and she traced her fingers across his lips as she smiled up at him. "Let's start with the crib." She turned and motioned to the bed. "We'll need to move the bed to make room… closer to the window, I think…"

They spent all morning setting up baby furniture. Sam assembled and set up the crib and the changing table. He moved the little chest of drawers and the rocking chair into the room. She made the bed with bright colored sheets... reds and greens with yellows and blues all making a farmland with ducks and sheep and chickens. She had asked Sam to help pick out the theme for the baby's room but he told her... anything but clowns was fine with him... and he made one rule... There would be no clowns in the house... anywhere.

Alta filled all the drawers with little onesies and tee shirts, socks and night gowns. Her fingers caressed the soft feel of the fabric as she folded each item. There were outfits in all shades of blue and green and yellow, even a few orange and black and white items. Sam couldn't help but notice the soft dreaminess in her eyes as she inspected each outfit before placing it in the drawer. The smile on her face touched him and he thought she'd never been so beautiful.

On the freshly made bed Alta laid out clothes for the baby and towels along with warm receiving blankets for the birth. She knew the midwife would come to the delivery with her own supplies. But she washed the new blankets and clothes so that they would be soft for the baby. She finally stopped to look over the room and then she dropped down into the rocking chair.

Alta had been 'nesting' all morning. Finally there was time to be at peace… to enjoy the feeling of being pregnant… the anticipation of seeing her child… the feeling of him as he rolled inside her shifting position. She didn't have to worry about the demons… or Angels… no thoughts of Tabbris and her treachery. It just didn't matter anymore. Balthazar was dead and she thought that Cas and Zagzagel would protect them. Sam was safe and better than he'd ever been… whole and happy and fiercely protective. And the only thing that mattered… the only thing in the world was this tiny being… waiting to be born.

Sam spooned chicken vegetable soup into the bowls he'd set out on the table and scooped up the grilled cheese sandwiches, putting them on plates and then making his way to the bedroom door. He stopped when her soft voice floated across the room to where he stood in the doorway. She rocked slowly, caressing the baby inside her as she hummed a soft melody before her voice broke into a song. It was a Scottish lullaby that danced along her tongue timidly… her low silken voice caressed his senses as long forgotten words came floating into her memory.

_Dreams for sale, fine dreams for sale,_

_Angus has got fine dreams for sale_

_Hush my wee bairnie an' sleep wi' oot fear_

_Dream Angus has brought you a dream my dear_

Sam stood transfixed by the scene before him. His wife... his hunter who'd fought vamps and werewolves, braved demons and Angels... a seasoned hunter… the best of her clan... unafraid to go into battle at his side... She'd faced the fires of Hell and stared into the eyes of Lucifer himself. That was the Alta he'd fallen in love with… strong and brave… his Ozuye Chikala; little warrior. And yet, as she sang an ancient lullaby to her unborn child she was both gentle and fierce… she was beautiful... more beautiful than he could bear.

It was the strongest outward show of affection he'd seen her give to the child growing in her. Deep in the back of his mind… a place he refused to look… refused to recognize… the awful worry that gnawed at the edge of his consciousness… that she never wanted the child… she might never be able to love the baby… It was the terror he'd held in his heart for so long. He felt relief spread like warm honey through his body as the terror began to dissipate like the last ripples fleeing across the water from the broken center. He knelt slowly before her gazing into her eyes and he saw it... he understood it... the long months of fear... not knowing if she would lose him to his memories of Hell... if Lucifer would yet claim him... not knowing if the forces of Heaven or Hell would tear the child from her... not knowing if any of them would escape the clutches of evil and be able to see this child born… all of it was set aside for this precious moment. Her face was calm... blissful and she took his hand and placed it on her belly. "He's moving." She smiled as she watched him place his other hand on her and kiss softly between them.

"Hey sweet baby." He murmured as he felt the ripple across her skin with his hands and his lips… his child… his son.

… … …

Dean pulled into the drive of Singer Salvage with his latest acquisition in tow. Bobby's big tow truck was a bitch to drive compared to his baby and especially pulling a load. The four hour drive from Minneapolis had been worth it though. He would make a nice profit on this latest find and Dante Welch would pay a pretty penny for this baby when Dean was finished with it.

He was almost finished with the Thunderbird. He'd been working on that jewel off and on for several months and he was so close he could taste it. He had the chrome taped off and tomorrow, Dean thought_… if it's not too cold… will be the day I paint it_... _Raven Black... which will make the Flame Red interior really pop_. Dean gave a self-satisfied smile. Damn! I'm good!

He parked the truck and made his way into the garage, firing up the little gas stove and then flipping on the TV. He had done a lot to fix up the building Bobby had given him at the Salvage Yard. It was Dean's own space… his 'man cave'. He and Sam had spent several afternoons watching football games and downing a few beers together… brotherly bonding time.

Dean pulled out his cell and called Dante.

"Hey man, I found something for you. It's a real gem. It's a '65 Pontiac Tempest GTO…. Yea! You're gonna love it… Why don't you come by tomorrow and see it. We can have a few beers and watch the race."

Strangely enough Dante Welch, for all his wealth seemed to like Dean… enjoyed hanging out in Dean's man cave drinking beers and watching football and racing. _Slumming_… Dean figured… talking about classic cars… picking Dean's brain. Probably so he could suck up to other rich collectors with the knowledge he gained from Dean. _Whatever… Didn't matter…_ _It was business._

... ... ...

She sat on the bank of the river, her dark eyes gazing into the deep black water slowly flowing by... slowly... like the time of the immortals... the Ancient Ones. He'd been at her side for millennia... since the beginning. He watched them together... Saw their love swell and glow as they flew through the heavens. He saw her shine with the light of their great love... infinite and pure... the Daughter of the Night and the Son of the Dawn... they were the joy of heaven and Gods delight.

He stood with her when Lucifer... The Son of the Dawn... made his choice to fall into the depths of Hell... to leave Heaven... to leave the Daughter of the Night and rule over Hell. He watched the shining light of their boundless love fade into darkness. Tabbris refused to join the forces of Heaven to cast her lover into the pit and Zagzagel stood by her, also refusing to join the battle against her lover. He saw her pain... watched her mourn... grieve... and grow cold.

In all the flow of thousands of years she never graced him with the beauty of a look from her soft dark eyes. And his pale blue eyes never gazed deeply into the beauty of her soul but he loved her still. He stood before her now... determined.

"End this... this time of mourning." Zagzagel's pale hand lifted to cup her face. "Let him go and free your heart." He pulled her face up to meet his gaze. Iced blue and deep into her soul he peered.

"I can't..." She trembled but she couldn't tear her eyes from his gaze. He sighed deep across the years of longing for her.

His wings unfolded behind him, long and shining silver in the darkness. His massive wings enfolded them in a cage of silver. She quivered at the flow of Grace between them. He blocked the sight of the glade... the river... everything that could remind her of her dead lover.

"Come with me now. Leave this place." His eyes continued to bore deep into her soul, awakening her to long forgotten feelings. "All of Heaven is in turmoil. Michael has lost authority and Castiel is close to a takeover."

"Why should we care?" her voice quavered.

"Michael has lost all righteousness. The Heavenly Host will follow Castiel if he can overthrow Michael." Zagzagel's Grace thrummed through her like warm golden honey. "We can make that happen. We can bring peace to Heaven. We can bring peace to your soul."

"Castiel?" It was her last question before she succumbed to the power of his Grace.

"He is righteous. He will rule over the Heavenly Host and God will delight in him."

She closed her eyes and felt the warm beat of his wings softly folding around her... the pulse of his Grace seeping into her... the depth of his love thawing the coldness in her heart and she knew he was right. The time had come for her to let go of the past and the time had come for a change in Heaven

**... ... ...**

"Hey, Braeden." Ben closed his locker door to see Cliff Anders leaning on the neighboring locker.

"S'up, Cliff?" Ben grinned at the older boy. He knew Cliff from the basketball team. Cliff was tall, six feet and he used it to his advantage on the court. Ben admired his skill and he was kind of flattered that Cliff was approaching him. He'd like to have Cliff for a friend. Ben thought he'd like to hang out with the most popular guy at school.

"Party at my house Saturday night." Cliff smiled. "My parents are out of town so keep it quiet." Ben nodded in understanding. "Bring your cousin."

"Sonya?"

"Yea. She's hot." Cliff's eyebrows rose and he nodded. Ben didn't think he liked the way Cliff smiled.

"She's fourteen."

"Yea, well so are you." Cliff shrugged. "You wanna come? Bring Sonya. No worries… it'll be fun." Ben really didn't know how he felt. If Cliff wanted Sonya at his party, why didn't he ask her himself? And Ben didn't like the idea that the only reason he was asked was to bring Sonya.

"So if I don't bring Sonya, I'm not invited?" Ben's eyes narrowed.

"Don't take it personal. I was just asking." Cliff threw up his hands. "Come… don't come… whatever."

The encounter brought up all kinds of feelings Ben didn't like and he spent the entire time in this World History class sorting through all the emotions rolling around in his head.

It was Friday and Ben waited for Sonya in front of the main building after class. She came out of the door alone. She was so shy; he knew it was difficult for her to make friends and she hadn't been very successful in the two weeks since she started classes. A cold wind blew across them and she pulled her coat closer around her.

Sonya smiled when she saw Ben waiting for her at the bottom of the steps. He smiled back at her but something was on his mind… something bothering him… she tried to break the connection she felt forming. She didn't want his thoughts in her head… didn't want to know what he was thinking… not unless he told her.

"I'm going to Sam's for the weekend. He wants me to work on the book." Ben's soft brown eyes locked with her pale blue ones. He knew how hard this was for her. She talked with him about it sometimes. He couldn't imagine the stress it was for her here. Her day was filled with random teenage angsty thoughts popping into her head. It was the close proximity and the intense emotion that made her day so difficult. It took incredible concentration to keep the random thoughts to a minimum and Ben understood why school was so hard for her. Of all the kids here, she had more reason than any one of them to hate school.

"Why don't you tell Sophie and Mark how hard this is?" Ben's face was lined with concern.

"It will just worry her and Mark will take us on the road again." She looked so helpless. "I like it here. I want to stay."

"Stay at Sam and Alta's with me this weekend." Ben grabbed her hand when he saw her immediate reaction. "You can help us with research for the book... and we can talk to Sam and Alta they'll help."

"No!" Sonya jerked her hand away. "I'm afraid..."

"Of Sam?" Ben was stunned. "Sam won't hurt you. He doesn't hurt people, he only fights evil." Sonya's look was skeptical. "You must know that. Haven't you sensed that about him?"

"I can't read Sam. He's the only one I can't get a feeling about."

"Well, I don't have to get a 'feeling'. I know Sam. And I know Alta." Ben's voice became edgy and she could sense his strong feelings for Sam. There was a connection there. Ben took a deep calming breath. "Sam's coming to pick us up. Stay with us… I'll sleep on the couch… you can have my room." Ben's eyes were soft and sincere and it was important to him… she could feel it. "Trust me."

Sam's immaculate, shiny black Charger pulled up in front of the school and Sonya's eyes veered away from Ben and toward the car. "Ok… But don't say anything about… me."

"I won't." Ben assured her. "But I hope you will."

Sonya gave Ben a tiny, trembling smile and Ben's heart pumped just a little harder. At that moment there was nothing he wanted more than to protect her. It was a feeling far outside himself and yet deep within… a feeling so foreign to his teenaged mind… of putting someone else's needs above his own. He thought of Cliff Anders and his stupid party and Ben knew he would never let that boy anywhere near Sonya.

They both piled into the back seat and Sam smiled at them through the rear view mirror. "How was school?" His question was meant for both of them but Sonya blushed and he couldn't help but notice the almost tortured look on her face. She quickly looked to Ben.

"It's ok… same as always…" Ben mumbled. Sam could tell something was bothering him and it must be something important to him because Ben could usually hide things better than this. "Can Sonya stay with us? She can help with the book." Sam could see it was important to Ben. When Sam glanced at Sonya her expression was pained and she avoided eye contact with him. He hesitated to answer and Ben rushed to fill in the silence. "I'll sleep on the sofa and she can have my room."

"Is that what you want, Sonya?" She met his eyes… timid… maybe even frightened. Sam was curious as to what was going on with the girl.

"Yes." Her voice was hardly enthusiastic.

Sam tossed his cell over the seat. "Call Sophie and make sure she's good with it and we'll pick up something for supper on the way home… No Pizza!" He eyed Ben. "It's bad for Alta… too much salt."

… … …

Lisa was beautiful… _damn_ beautiful. There was no other way to describe her. She was in a black dress that melded to every curve and Dean was enjoying every one of her curves. Her hips swayed just right and he did so love to watch her butt when she walked away. Her dress dipped low in the back and she had her hair swept up so he could trace his eyes up her long graceful back and gaze at the tender nape of her neck. He watched as her long graceful arms reached for her coat and his heart melted as she turned her dazzling smile on him her white teeth inviting him to taste… to sweep his tongue across them and beg for entrance into that beautiful mouth…

"Dean?" She jarred him out of his dream, holding her coat out for him to help her. Dean had to shake his head to get himself back to reality. He couldn't help himself as he snuck a kiss at the tender flesh just below her ear while he helped her with her coat. She giggled as she smiled up at him and she got lost in the intensity of his gaze. "We'll be late…" She whispered.

"Yea…" He shrugged on his coat. They had a night alone… and they had reservations for dinner… _damn shame I'll have to wait so long…_ But Dean knew how to romance Lisa. It's what she loved. Him dressed to kill… in his suit and tie… as much as he appreciated her… in that little black dress… and those heels… those swaying hips… Dean sighed and placed his hand at the small of her back as he guided her out the door toward the Impala. _After dinner_, he thought… he could wait. _Ben's at Sam's and we have the house to ourselves… _

… … …

Bobby met Kat as she parked in front of his house. He opened the car door for her and immediately pulled her into a long slow kiss. She had come to mean so much to him over the past year and he wondered how he had lived so long… so alone. He missed her when she was at her home in Lincoln and he lived for the weekends she came to spend with him in Sioux Falls.

"No company tonight… everyone is off doing their own things." Bobby smiled as he gazed into Kat's soft eyes. She made him feel as ease and excited at the same time… _how is that possible?_ "I made Lasagna… unless you'd rather go out."

"And miss your world famous Lasagna? I don't think so." She gave him another quick kiss and then turned to get her bags from the trunk.

"Here…" Bobby grabbed her bags. "I got 'em."

"I want to check in on Alta…" She could feel Bobby deflate beside her even though he made no sound of disappointment. "But I suppose it can wait until tomorrow."

"Yea… we got all weekend and I kinda… wanted…" Bobby was suddenly stuttering. It was so sweet.

"Just the two of us tonight?" Kat teased.

"Exactly!" Bobby hurried her up the steps, across the porch and into the house. "I want you all to myself tonight." He dropped her bags and held her face in his hands, gently pulling her to him for another long slow kiss. Heat welled up in him when he felt her tremble and saw the smoky haze of passion in her eyes when he finally broke the kiss to gaze at her.

… … …

"No. If you're gonna eat Chinese, you gotta use chop sticks." Sam grinned at the two teens at his table.

Ben rolled his eyes and snorted. Sam was always laying down some sort of challenge. "I'll try, but I might starve to death." Sonya couldn't help but let out a tiny giggle but she cut it off quickly and ducked her eyes down to her plate.

"I'll show you how." Sam took up the challenge. "Once you get the hang of it, it's kinda fun." He talked them through using the chop sticks but he admitted that the rice was a challenge. "It's easier if you have 'sticky' rice… the American stuff doesn't work well with chop sticks so…" Sam raised his plate to his mouth and used the chop sticks to quickly shove rice over the edge of the plate and into his mouth. Both kids were laughing and Alta rolled her eyes and passed forks to the kids. It wasn't Sam's usual behavior but she could tell he was trying to entertain the kids and a little of the child was coming out in him… something she didn't often see… but she kind of liked it… Sam wasn't often 'cute'. "What?" Sam said with a smiling face full of rice. "It works."

After dinner they settled down to work on the book. Sam wanted to get everything from the past eight years… almost nine… into a journal. Something that would document all the creatures him and Dean had fought… how they tracked them… how they killed them. He meant for it to be a resource for hunters much like their Dad's journal had helped Sam and Dean when they had to strike out on their own. His point in making Ben help with it was purely for Ben's education.

To Ben the book was a great adventure and it told the story of the apocalypse. The one that never happened because Dean… his dad… and Sam… his uncle were the most awesome men on the planet. They saved the world… and no one knew it. But once the book was done… once everything was in writing… everyone could know.

"Did you find the information on the Djinn?" Sam was looking over Sonya's shoulder at her laptop. He sensed her fear… he could smell it rolling off her and he was puzzled by it. _What is she afraid of?_ She leaned away from him just a little. It was an unconscious movement.

"Yes." She cleared her throat. "They're interesting." Sam knew he could be intimidating. He was aware of his big frame but he'd done everything he could… to the point of playing with his food… he went out of his way to be nonthreatening to the girl and still she was stiff with fear.

"Excellent." He complimented her. "Pick out the facts you think would be of use to a hunter." He gave her direction and quickly moved to see what Ben was working on.

Later that night when Sonya was settled in Ben's room and Ben on the sofa… Sam pulled Alta to him in their bed, spooning her against him and resting his hands on her belly. "What's up with Sonya? Why is she afraid of me?"

Alta smiled and gave a little sigh. "You're a pretty big guy. You can seem intimidating sometimes."

"But I was trying to be unintimidating… funny even." He sighed. "Am I that scary?"

"You're not scary… Sonya's just… sensitive."

"What do you mean sensitive? Did something happen? Did I do something?"

"No." Alta snuggled closer into him. "She just needs to get used to you."

"No… you're not telling me everything, Alta. What is it?"

"You know she psychic don't you?"

"No." Sam had never really paid much attention to the girl. "Why would that make her afraid of me?"

"She helped me make connection with you when you were in… jail." Sam was stunned.

"You saw…"

"I saw bits and pieces… enough to know that Sheriff Mills was possessed and Balthazar was in the mix."

"And…"

"And that you were slipping back into Hell…" Alta sighed, not sure she wanted Sam to know this. "I don't know how much Sonya saw." Sam remembered how painful and frightening his visions had been and he was much older… Sonya was only fourteen. "But she was very brave and she's the reason we knew what was happening to you."

"I should talk to her."

"You should let her get used to you." Alta pulled his arms closer around her. "When she's comfortable enough with you, she'll talk about it."

… … …

"It's 0600 and only 30 degrees… so bundle up… we're running." Sam stood at the foot of the sofa and grinned as Ben's eyes peeled open and he groaned. Once he got Ben moving he headed to Sonya's room and banged on the door. "Get bundled up… we're going for a run… front and center in 5 minutes." He went to the kitchen to get coffee started. He liked to have a cup waiting when he came in from his run and he'd made enough noise he was sure Alta was awake and she would want coffee. After the coffee was started he threw a couple logs on the fire in the wood stove and waited for the kids to make an appearance.

Ben was at Sam's side first. "You're not gonna make Sonya run with us are you?"

"It's healthy… you always run with me when you're here why not her."

"Well, she a girl…"

"I can run too." Sonya gave Ben a challenging look.

"Well, then let's go." Sam headed out the door and bounced down the steps. As usual, he started them off at a brisk walk to stretch out and warm up the muscles before he began running. First he set the two of them at a steady pace, not too fast… something sustainable for them. Then he stretched his long legs covering more ground than the two teens could do at a comfortable pace.

It was cold, but as the blood pumped the bodies warmed and soon they began to sweat under the layers of clothes. The sky was dark with low hanging clouds heavy and warning. Sam had no doubt it would soon be snowing and it looked to be a big snow… a late snow… and hopefully the last big snow of the season.

… … …

It was too cold to paint the Thunderbird but Dean didn't mind. He had plenty of parts to work on for the Pontiac and there was plenty of beer and snacks stocked up for the game. Dante arrived in the early afternoon. He brought expensive imported beer. Dean showed him the Pontiac.

"Wow… it needs a lot of work, man." Dante walked around the dull lifeless car.

"Well, that's my job." Dean cocked his head. "When I finish with this baby she will shine like the stars in heaven."

"You think so?" Dante gave him a strange look… disbelieving maybe.

"I know so, man. You will be stunned… She may look like a junker now but when I finish with her…" He held out his hands. "These hands work miracles… She'll be so beautiful; you'll fall in love with her."

"Well, I can't wait." Dante smiled. "In the meantime… we can always enjoy the race." He gazed out the window as big fat snowflakes began to fall. "Where's Sam? I thought he'd be joining us."

"For football he'd probably join us but he's not into racing… thinks its mind numbing."

"Oh, well too bad. I was hoping to get to know him better. He seems kind of… aloof."

"Yea… He can be… with people he doesn't know… Beer?" Dean grabbed a couple of cold ones from the fridge handing one to Dante.

… … …

After spending all morning researching for the book the snow presented a good time to take a break. The kids and Sam were happily running around laughing and snowballing each other while Alta watched from the kitchen window. Sam wanted her to come out with them but she opted to stay in and stay warm. She promised to make hot chocolate when they came in and she had a pot of chili simmering for later. She wandered into the living room and threw another log in the wood stove. The temperature was definitely dropping. The little furnace would never keep the house warm by itself and she was grateful for the stove and the wood that Sam had chopped and Dean had stacked nearly to the ceiling. She wandered back to the bedroom, feeling strangely restless.

… … …

It was the last laps of the race and Dante wondered over to the window, gazing intently at the sky. The gentle fat snowflakes that had been falling steadily… covering everything… began to fall furiously. Dante turned from the window with a satisfied grin. "Snow's really falling now… guess I better be on my way."

"I don't think so…" Dean stood up from the sofa and wandered toward the window. "The snow is really picking up out there. Don't think you'd get too far in that 'Jag' of yours. You should hang out here for a while. I got plenty of space… plenty of food… plenty of beer."

Dante smiled… it was almost feral the predatory way he looked at Dean. "I can make it just fine."

"No…" Dean cocked an eyebrow and one side of his lip curled in response. "I don't think so."

… … …

The Host of Heaven was already fragmented. When the Apocalypse had failed, many of the Angels had been persuaded by Balthazar that Castiel was chosen of God to be a leader among them. When Castiel refused to abandon his ties to the Winchesters, Balthazar's plan to serve with Castiel for Michael never happened. Now in the wake of Balthazar's death Michael was not able to change their minds. It infuriated Michael even more to realize that many of the Angels were in awe of the Ancient Ones so that when Tabbris and Zagzagel appeared with Castiel to remove power from Michael the lines in Heaven were drawn... split down the middle... half the Heavenly Host prepared to fight for Castiel and the Ancients and half loyal to Michael.

The two armies of Angels faced each other across the vast expanse of Heaven. The powerful Grace of the Ancients flowed through Castiel and his wide spread wings glowed white, throwing off bright beams of power that hummed and sparked across the heavens. He held 'Heaven's Tears' aloft, it's power displayed before the opposing lines.

Tabbris and Zagzagel stood with Castiel. Tabbris' dark and terrible beauty struck fear in the Angels as she held 'Heaven's Cloud' aloft… its power a blinding array… her dark eyes piercing and threatening as her deep blood red cape swirled around her. Zagzagel was the most fearsome of all; his colossal form rising up to eclipse his companions. He was the epitome of light. His silver robe effervesced, throwing off power in a sparkling array around him as he held 'Heaven's Light' high above all the Host of Heaven. From deep within the glow of his hood his piercing silver eyes reached into the souls of all that he looked upon.

"Where is your leader?" Castiel queried the Angels standing to oppose him.

Raphael stepped up to stand in Michael's stead. He held his shining Angel blade aloft. Power radiated from him and he rallied Michael's troops in the face of sure defeat. "I will lead."

"Where is Michael?" Castiel challenged Raphael although he knew well where Michael was.

"_I_ _will lead_." Raphael repeated unable to answer Castiel's question.

"You will be defeated and Michael will be destroyed unless you abandon him and follow me." Castiel raised his voice to address the troops that stood behind Raphael. "All of you will be defeated… you will die… unless you follow me."

Castiel watched across the expanse of Heaven and sighed… his heart heavy… there would be no surrender… there would be a great battle in Heaven… many Angels would die fighting for Michael as he remained tethered to earth by a lone hunter… Dean Winchester.

… … …

Dante's face glowed with the reflection of the bright flames that surrounded him. The holy oil burned tall bright orange and deep red flames.

"You treacherous little worm." Michael seethed at Dean through Dante's face. "How did you know?"

"My friend Cas…" Dean cocked his head with a smirk. "You're gonna miss your own war. Your troops will be without their general."

"You can't keep me here… not forever." Michael folded his arms across his chest.

"I can keep you here long enough for Cas to fix things up in Heaven and cut your pissing contest short." Dean paced around the circle. "Then you're gonna leave me and mine alone." Dean twirled an Angel blade in his hand. "… or I'm gonna stab you in your face."

"It'll be too late." Michael turned toward the window and gazed at the steadily increasing snow. It was an impressive snowfall here but one mile down the road the snow was raging into a full blown blizzard around Sam and Alta's little house. He meant to separate them… meant for Alta to be alone… but no matter he smiled to himself… perhaps it would be better for Sam to watch… helpless…

… … …

A tiny rough tongue scraped along Sam's neck and a warm nose snuffled at his ear while tiny paws... with tiny sharp claws kneaded through the blanket at his neck. When he opened his eyes Chikala's gray eyes focused intently on him. He reached up and scratched her head… behind her ears… along her throat. When she was satisfied he was awake she dropped to the floor and padded off to the living room.

The first thing Sam noticed was quiet. It was the deep silence of a snow covered world muffling the noises of the forest around them... but it was more than that... quieter than that. There was no noise of civilization around them... no white noise... no background noises of modern life... the furnace blowing or the refrigerator motor... none of the little sounds of clocks and lights humming... all the sounds you don't notice until they're not... and you realize what real silence is.

There was light… flashing across the sky… bright behind the clouds and the falling snow. It was brighter than any lightening Sam had ever seen… rapid bright sparkling flashes of light far in the distant heaven.

The next thing Sam noticed was cold... bone chilling cold that settled over them like the blanket of snow settled over the outside world. The furnace had gone out. There was no power. The wood stove had died down during the night and could not keep the house warm. Sam pulled the covers up and tucked them tightly around Alta. She made a soft sound half way between sleep and waking.

"Shhh. We've lost power. Stay here until I get the stove going and the living room warm." He tugged on his sweats and heavy socks and made his way to the living room. The stove was totally out... stone cold. He started shoveling out last night's ashes.

"Sam?" Ben's sleepy voice came to him from the sofa. "What's going on?"

"We've lost power. The furnace is off." Sam started building a fire in the little wood stove. "Put on your sweats and make sure you cover your feet too. Go get a couple of blankets from the closet." Sam gestured toward the closet in the hall. Ben recognized the seriousness in Sam's voice. "Go get Sonya. Tell her to put on her sweats and make sure to get her feet covered, and then bring her in here."

Ben followed Sam's directions quickly and was knocking on the bed room door calling Sonya's name when Sam stepped to the window, pulled back the drapes and looked out. It had snowed all night... not just snowed but apparently it had been a blizzard and the snow was still falling heavily. The top of Sam's car was just visible; the Chargers roof a three foot mesa standing above the rest of the car… only an inch of the top of the windows visible. The glow of the white snow reflecting the continual flashes of light in the heaven's made it seem bright outside but Sam was sure it was not morning... sunrise was not close yet. He shivered at the cold seeping through the glass. He pulled the heavy drapes back across the windows, blocking out as much of the cold as he could.

Sam settled Ben and Sonya on the sofa and tucked the blankets around them. "Share body heat until the fire heats things up."

Sam stopped at the closet to grab a couple more blankets and went to get Alta. He could just see the top of her head sticking out from under the comforter... dark auburn rumpled across the pillow. He picked her up comforter, sheets and all and carried her to the sofa, sitting her next to Ben and tucking the blankets around them all.

That was all the room on the sofa... and all the blankets. Sam was cold. He looked down at his hands. They were blanched, stiff and beginning to go numb. He stoked the fire in the stove, warming his hands before he found a pair of gloves, and then put another log on the fire.

Alta stood and opened the covers around her, pulling Sam in and wrapping around his big frame the best she could. She could feel his cold body through their clothes and she felt him shiver as the warmth of her body seeped into him.

"There's no service... the cell towers must be down." Ben tossed his phone on the coffee table and snuggled back under the covers. Sam could just make out Sonya's pale blue eyes peeking at him.

"You ok, Sonya?" Sam eyes were serious but she could tell he was sincere in his concern.

"Yea... It's warm enough under here with Ben." Ben's eyes flew to her and his face reddened. She snuggled closer.

"What time is it?" Sam asked.

"0330." Ben answered in military time, just as Sam used to wake him for morning runs.

When Alta picked her bare feet up from the cold floor and stood on Sam's sock covered ones he decided they might just be camping out in this one room for a while.

"You get on the sofa with Sonya." He moved Alta toward the sofa. "Come with me Ben. I need your help."

They pulled the mattress off Sam and Alta's bed and laid it on the living room floor in front of the stove, angling it so that they could move the sofa closer as well.

"It'll be warm in here soon. I'll keep an eye on the fire." Ben and Sonya piled up on the sofa together. Sam leaned in close to Ben's ear and whispered. "You understand this is just for warmth."

Ben rolled his eyes and blushed. "Yea... I get it."

"Let's try to get some sleep." Sam ducked under the covers with Alta on their make shift bed. He was satisfied that the little wood stove was beginning to put out some heat as he spooned Alta close to him, covering her with his body. For once it was Alta, not Sam who was the warm one and her hot little body felt so good.

Sam dozed lightly and rose every so often to feed the fire... he figured every thirty to forty five minutes so he figured it was about five thirty when he first felt Alta's body go rigid... felt her abdomen harden... like stone... and he felt the silent moan she refused to let go.

"Alta?" He whispered in her ear. "Was that a contraction?"

"Braxton Hicks..." She mumbled.

"Oh, yea." Sam felt the knot in his belly dissipate as he relaxed. He'd read about Braxton Hicks. Pre Labor... Her body was preparing to give birth. As long as the contractions were short and irregular it was nothing to worry about. "First babies are usually late and we still have a month to go."

_Leave it to Sam to be able to quote all the facts... _"Three weeks... I'm 37 weeks tomorrow." Alta whispered back, correcting him. She turned over and nudged him to lie on his back... her face resting on his chest, she stretched her body over him... letting her belly fall between his legs. She let out a long sigh. "Feels good." He knew it relieved the pressure on her back. It was becoming a common position for them and he rubbed his hands along her spine kneading the sore muscles.

"Shhh. Go to sleep." Ben called from the sofa.

**... ... ...**

The war continued to rage in Heaven. The snow storm continued to rage around the little house in Sioux Falls. Sam kept his family close and warm stoking the fire and keeping them calm. Alta and Sonya had gone into the kitchen to fix sandwiches and bring in a pot of chili to warm on the stove.

"Do you think something's not quite right about this?" Ben asked Sam. "I mean, like… supernatural not right."

Sam gave a little snort and gazed at Ben. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Ben huffed. "Have you ever seen normal lightening like that?" He pulled back a corner of the drapes and though it was nearly midday the darkness was broken only by the continual bright flashes of light across the heavens.

"Yea… No… I know what you mean." Sam sighed. Ben was too smart. He couldn't hide facts from the up-and-coming hunter. "You're a Winchester… that's for sure."

"What do you think?"

"I don't know." Sam's face scrunched. He didn't like the direction his own mind was traveling. "Maybe… Cas has taken the fight to heaven?"

"Geezzz." Ben rolled his eyes. "But… it's cold… like Canadian cold. It must have dropped by twenty degrees overnight. And what's with all the snow? It's the middle of April."

"Yea… It's not normal. Something or someone wants to trap us here." Sam gave voice to his growing fear.

"Why?"

"Don't know." _Why?_ That was one particular fear that Sam was not yet ready to give voice to.

"It's freezing in the kitchen." Alta announced as she handed out sandwiches and placed frozen bottles of water near the stove to thaw. "There's no water… busted pipe probably." Sonya put the pot of chili on the woodstove to heat and went back to get bowls and spoons.

"Here." Sam held out his arms and folded himself around Alta, pulling the blankets up around them. "Let's get you warm." He pulled her against him… her back to his chest and laid his head on her shoulder… cheek to cheek.

"Ben, go in the kitchen get a couple of the biggest pots you can find and fill them with snow. We can melt the snow for water." Ben headed for the kitchen. "Stay close to the house… just get the snow from beside the door. Just get what you can on the back deck."

They spent the afternoon huddled around the wood stove. It kept them warm. Short forays into the kitchen kept them fed and melted snow kept them hydrated. The heavenly light show continued as the battle raged on in Heaven. Dean guarded the Angel in his prison of Holy Oil and Bobby prepared his tow truck with a blade to scrape snow when the storm ended.

They talked as they huddled around the stove… talked about previous hunts… the different monsters they'd defeated… how the tracked them… how they killed them. Sonya and Ben made notes the old fashioned way… with pen and paper. Sam talked about his visions and Sonya talked about hers. She was relieved to find someone who understood what it was like… understood the pain and fear the visions caused. And she felt a connection with Sam… a kinship she'd not felt with anyone else.

All through the afternoon Sam held Alta in his arms… her back against his chest and his hands on her belly. He felt her contractions… silently counted each one… the length of each one was and how long between each one. They were becoming longer… stronger… and more regular. It was a sure sign of labor. He waited patiently for her to confide in him.

When she left him to go to the bathroom her call was no surprise and he knew… Sam stood at the door gazing into her face… trembling and filled with fear. She stood before the mirror clinging to the edge of the sink. His eyes traced down her body to take in the dark wetness of her pant legs… her socks wet as she stood in a pink puddle of fluid.

"I…" Her voice was weak… trembling. "My water's broke… I'm…" She swallowed hard around the knot of fear in her throat and stared at her cold wet feet in the midst of the mess she'd made on the floor.

"It's ok." Sam picked her up, carrying her in his arms to the warmth of the living room.

"How?" She cried. "How is it ok…? I'm in labor and we're stranded…"

"It's ok because we can do this." His face was calm and he smiled his beautiful smile… his dimples giving him that sweet innocent look she so seldom saw. "We're gonna have a baby." His voice was almost childlike but he was ready for this. Sam Winchester believed in Murphy's Law. _Whatever can go wrong… will go wrong._ It was the reason he read… researched… prepared for this more any hunt… any test… more than anything ever. He'd gone to all the classes… all the visits to Kat and the midwife… asked questions… played scenarios in his head… walked his way through delivery. He knew what to expect… knew exactly what the midwife would be doing and why. He had just expected it to be the midwife doing it… not him.

"Yes… we can." She smiled back at him and he knew he had her confidence. "We can do this."

"That's my girl." He had her in the living room by now and he held her while he managed everything around them. "Ben go in the bedroom, look in the closet and get that black duffel and get my silver knife… we'll need to sterilize it." Ben nodded and hurried to the bedroom. "Sonya, get clean sheets and towels out of the bathroom closet and bring Alta some clean clothes."

"I have a long flannel night gown in the closet." Alta called after Sonya as she took off for the bedroom.

"Bring something lighter too." Sam called after her." His gaze fell on Alta. "You'll be working hard… don't want you to get too hot."

"You think of everything."

"I try."

Within minutes Sam had the mattress covered with a plastic sheet and a soft blanket over that. He had several items in the black duffel but he left them in there for now all except a ten centimeter paper ruler. "Ben you and Sonya go and get some more snow so that we can boil some water. Give us a few minutes before you come back in." His look asked for understanding from Ben.

"Ok… we'll wait in the kitchen until you say…" Ben grabbed Sonya's hand and they went to fill the big pots with more snow.

"Do you want me to look and see how dilated you are?" He settled her on the mattress and helped her out of the wet clothes and into the warm dry nightgown.

"Yes…" She seemed hesitant.

"You ok with this? You're gonna have the baby with or without, but it will help us to know how things are progressing and how long to wait before you start pushing."

"Ok… look." Alta trusted Sam more than she'd ever trusted anyone. And she knew that he'd researched for this very reason… for her sake and the sake of their child. "I trust you." His smile was the greatest reward as she leaned back and pulling her knees up she placed her feet on either side of him, opening herself so that he could see. She saw the look of amazement on his face as he held the little ruler up to her.

"You're about four centimeters and I can see the baby's head." He folded the nightgown down to cover her and helped her sit up. "You've been in labor all day."

"I know…" She sighed. "I just wanted it to be false. I wanted it to stop. This is sooo not a good time."

"And you are the _Queen of Denial_." He kissed her slowly then gazing into her eyes. "It's ok. We'll be fine… We're gonna do this. And we're gonna have a perfect baby boy."

… … …

"How long do you think you can keep me here?" Michael's questioning taunted Dean. "You've been up for how many hours now?... waiting… alone… could use your brother's help couldn't you? Why don't you call him?"

"Why don't you shut your pie hole?" Dean spat back.

"The battle's still raging." The Archangel cocked his head toward the window and the brightly flashing light show still emanating from the heavens. "Not quite so easy as Castiel imagined. Even with the help of his Ancient friends." Michael's laughter was wicked. "Wonder what happened to Castiel's grand plan?"

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket. Maybe he would call Sam for help. He pressed Sam's number on speed dial. The line was dead.

"Oh…oh. Can't get through? Wonder what's going on? Nothing good I guarantee it." Michael couldn't help but smirk.

"What?" Dean ground out the simple question. He knew he was being baited but he couldn't help himself.

"Let's see… snowed in… baby coming… too soon… no help… no way to call for help…" Michael sniffed. "Shame, really… premature baby and two helpless parents. What a tragedy."

Dean didn't wait to argue. He ran out of the garage leaving the Archangel trapped in the ring of fire. He ran straight to Bobby's banging on the door.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Bobby met Dean's frantic look.

"You can't wait for the snow to let up. You got to get to Sam's now and take Kat with you. They're stranded and the baby's on the way… now!"

"How do you know this?"

"Just go… please, Bobby… go! Sam needs help… now!" Dean pleaded. "That Angel's not wrong."

Kat took medical supplies with her. With hunter around, she always had a significant supply with her… although she was more prepared for gunshot and stab wounds than for childbirth but she would do what she could. She climbed into Bobby's big tow truck complete with scraper on the front and they pulled out to go to Sam's. The mile between them would prove to be the longest in Bobby's life. The closer they got to Sam's house the deeper the snow became and the harder the fresh snow fell. It was very slow going but Bobby kept plugging along.

"This does not look good." He kept saying over and over.

… … …

Sam and Alta continued their vigil with the Ben and Sonya. Now it was more than just waiting for the snow to stop and help to arrive. It was waiting for the baby to arrive and hoping against hope that help would make it to them before the baby. Ben kept an eye on the weather. Each time he checked the snow had not let up. Each time he checked his phone there was still no connection. Alta insisted that they continue to work on the book. She said it helped her to relax. Sam held her… rubbed her back… encouraged her to focus on her breathing when the contractions became stronger and he checked to see how she was progressing. Neither of them knew it but for a first baby she was progressing rapidly.

Sam and Ben began to tell the story of the Changeling that had invaded Cicero Indiana when Ben had first met Sam and Dean. Sonya seemed impressed that Ben was a hero at just eight years old helping to evacuate all the children from the basement where they had been held captive. Her admiring eyes on Ben made his heart beat just a little faster. He liked the way she looked at him… made him feel warm inside.

Sam sent the kids after more clean sheets and towels and checked Alta's progress again. "Not yet." He ran a hand across her face. "How are you doing?"

"It's not bad." She shifted as he helped her sit up again. "The contractions are getting harder. How close now?"

"Six centimeters. I think it moving along pretty fast." He sighed. "Just don't push yet."

"I know… I'm trying."

"You're doing great, Alta." Sam didn't know what else to do to help her other than to hold her and encourage her and keep her calm. "I just wish I could give you more privacy… or get the midwife here. But anybody on foot would get lost in that storm… and most likely die." He sighed. "The rest of the house is freezing cold. We have to stay together for warmth."

"I know… I'm ok." Alta could hear the regret in his voice. "You couldn't know this would happen. The kids are doing fine… I'm fine…" She looked up at him as he stood above her. "You're awesome. I couldn't do this without you." At that moment a contraction hit her and he could see the overwhelming urge to push. He dropped down quickly and gently rubbed her belly the rock hard muscles beneath his hands.

"Breath, Alta… easy… slow…" He took a slow deep breath in, catching her eyes and making her focus on him. She followed his lead as she had done for hours now… breathing in slowly and then exhaling slowly with him. When her body started to tense and her breath caught he started huffing… shallow breaths rapidly in and out keeping her eyes focused on him she followed his lead until the contraction passed.

"Oh…" She smiled weakly… "That was a strong one." He patted the sweat from her forehead with a cool cloth. "Are you hot? Do you want to change into something cooler than this flannel?" He helped her change quickly and tucked a light blanket around her before he let the kids come back into the living room. He knew there would come a point when modesty might not be possible.

… … …

The killing fields in Heaven were unlike anything since the war between darkness and light… between Lucifer and Michael so many thousands of years ago. Ancient even to the Angels. Memory of that horror had not faded and the present devastation was just as bad. Bodies lay scattered across the fields of Heaven images of burnt wings spread out from the lifeless forms. Once they had been Grace filled beings… beings who dwelt in Gods own realm… heaven… where beauty and peace, justice and righteousness had been born. Once again the beautiful realm of God had been torn asunder… wounded and depleted of its Grace.

Castiel wandered among the wreckage of bodies along with Tabbris and Zagzagel… grieving the loss… mourning the brothers and sisters. Heaven would be rebuilt… Grace would be restored as it had been after Lucifer fell. This time it would be Castiel… rogue Angel of Thursday who would restore the Grace to God's realm. Tabbris would abandon the beautiful glade with the slow moving dark waters and the low hanging ancient trees. She would make a new heaven with Zagzagel. And in time God would delight in them and Castiel would see God face to face… in time.

… … …

"I can't… can't… help it…" Alta's was pleading, her body pulling into a push on its own.

"Breath, Alta." Sam desperately tried to get her to focus on him and huff to keep her body from pushing. "Come on, baby… with me… breath…"

"I can't…" She cried. She held her breath unable to breath and her body folded in… pushing as her face burned bright red with the strain.

Once the contraction had passed, Alta fell back exhausted on the mattress. Sam motioned for the kids to get behind Alta and he threw a sheet over her legs so that he could quickly check her progress. He came from behind the sheet smiling. "Ten centimeters, baby. You can push as hard as you want to. It won't be long." Sam motioned for the kids to come back. "Ben, you sit directly behind Alta. Let her lean against you. Hold her up and let her push back against you if she needs to." Ben squared himself behind Alta. "That's right." Sam encouraged him. "Let her settle between your legs… bend your knees up so she can rest her arms on them… That's right." He looked at Alta. "You ok?"

"It's starting again…" Alta gasped. "Ohhh…"

"Sonya! Come here." Sam pointed for to kneel beside him. "Look in the duffel and get dental floss and drop my silver knife in the pan of hot water on the stove."

"Sam." Alta's voice cut through his thoughts. "Ohhh…" Her gasping voice was soft but he could feel the pain.

"I'm here, baby… I'm right here." He watched as the baby's head began to bulge out of her. "God, Alta you're doing such a good job. It's close… it's close." The contraction ended and Alta breathed in a deep breath. Her face relaxed for just a moment before the next contraction started.

Sam praised and encouraged each time. Ben held Alta as she squeezed his legs with each contraction. Somewhere he found a cool cloth. He thought Sonya might have given it to him and in between contractions he wiped the sweat from her face. He had never seen anything like this. She strained so hard her face contorted and blazed red… it was beautiful and scary as Hell.

Sam watched as the baby's head finally made it through to the outside world in perfect position, face down and looking red and rude. "The head is out." His smile was beautiful but Alta could barely see it. "The rest should be easier." He eyed the baby quickly to make sure the cord was not wrapped around the baby's head and he could see no evidence of it. "Give me the bulb syringe." Sonya placed the suction apparatus in his waiting hand and he quickly sucked out the baby's nose and mouth just before another contraction started and Sam let the baby slide into his waiting hands. It's nose and mouth were clear and its lungs squeezed free of any fluid by the birth so there was nothing to stop the protesting cry as it came out of an angry, tiny face.

Sam quickly placed the baby on Alta's stomach and tied off the cord with two lengths of dental floss. Once the two knots were secured he took the sterile silver knife and cut the cord between them. The baby was pink and squalling. Sonya had draped a receiving blanket over her arms and Sam gave the baby to her. She wrapped the little one tightly and gave the baby to Alta. Sam gazed at the two of them as Alta smiled down at her baby boy, joyous laughter springing from her soul and Ben who gazed in wonder over her shoulder into the face of his new little cousin.

"One more push, Alta." Sam's voice was soft as he laid his hand on her stomach rubbing and encouraging her body to expel the placenta. It was the last thing before he would clean her.

"Oh, Sam." She looked as if she wanted to cry. "I'm sorry."

"Come on, baby… I told you we would do this." He reassured her. "I'm so proud of you. Let's finish this." And with one last push she expelled the placenta and he wrapped it in a towel and placed in a plastic bag. Sonya was behind him with a pot of warm water and cloths to clean Alta.

"I've got this." She said as she smiled at Sam. "You go see to your baby."

… … …

"Rest." Castiel's voice commanded his friend. "I'll finish this."

"Wait!" Dean held his hands up to stop Castiel. "Sam and Alta are in trouble." Castiel gave Dean a quizzical look. "This ass hat did something… manipulated the weather… trapped them at the house and the baby's coming early… Bobby can't get through to them… Cas… you gotta help Sam."

"Tabbris will help them."

"Will she?" Dean was not convinced that he should trust her.

"Yes, Dean. Things have changed in heaven and I must return there with Michael so that he can see what has come to pass while he was busy being petty and spiteful here on earth." Castiel stared pointedly at the Archangel. He held his sword aloft and as the flames died away he disappeared with Michael.

"Wait…" Dean was left empty handed and not knowing what would happen to the prisoner he'd kept through the night and the day… he felt empty… robbed of justice.

… … …

Tabbris was as good as Castiel's word. Bobby never saw her bright sword pierce through the snow but he knew it was supernatural the way his old truck could suddenly sweep the snow away with so little effort. He thought it was Castiel. And as he pulled in to Sam's driveway and a path was prepared for him and Kat to make their way into the house he sent up a prayer of thanks to which ever power that was…

There was Sam holding his son in his arms. He gazed into the sweet little sleeping face as he sat next to Alta on the mattress. She laid on her side… covers pulled up around her… sleeping. Both kids were sprawled on the sofa sound asleep. And Bobby knew he'd never seen Sam so completely happy and never seen a more beautiful grin that the one Sam greeted them with. "Meet John Robert."

… … …

_**TBC**_

_**One more chapter… Don't forget to review. Your comments are appreciated…**_


	54. Chapter 54

**Family Secrets: Part three – Old Haunts/New Beginnings: chapter 14**

**Epilogue**

"_**Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass." **_

_Chuck – Supernatural 5.22 Swan Song – Eric Kripke and Eric "Giz" Gerwitz_

… … …

Joshua stood in the Garden... the very heart of Heaven was wounded... scarred by the battle that raged between Castiel's forces and the followers of Michael. Joshua grieved... but he labored through his grief. What else could a gardener do but garden. And so Joshua began the process of making green things grow again... bringing color and life out of the rubble. He worked to make the garden a place suitable for God.

Like Joshua, Castiel grieved. The wounds of heaven ranged far beyond the Garden. The wounds... the scars… covered all of Heaven and like Joshua, Castiel labored to restore order and revive Grace and Righteousness so that Heaven, once again would be a suitable place for God... and Castiel prayed that God would come.

There were no Angels left in Heaven who had any interest in the goings on of humans or the fate of earth. Too much needed to be done in their own realm. Only Castiel maintained ties to earth. He visited Sam and Alta first, wishing to satisfy his curiosity about the baby.

"It is a very small human" Castiel stood at the end of the crib gazing down at the sleeping infant, his face quizzical. The Angel had a knack for stating the obvious in a most profound way and getting all tangled up in the simplest things about humans while the most complicated issues seemed not to faze him at all.

"Well, he was born a little early." Sam tried to explain. The baby was a little small... only six pounds. "He'll catch up."

"Perhaps he'll be short and small like Alta." Castiel continued to scrutinize the child. "Does it communicate with you yet? How do you know what it wants?"

"_HE_... 'JonJon' communicates. He has his own special way of letting us know when he needs something and there are only a few things he wants." Alta explained to the Angel.

"I remember when Jesus was born." Castiel turned to look at Alta. Her mouth fell open. "Why would that surprise you? The whole Host of Heaven came out to see him." Castiel's eyes turned to Sam whose mouth was also opened in awe. "Orders from on high." Castiel explained.

"Oh..." Sam and Alta answered in unison.

"He was... bigger." The Angel once again studied the baby. "He was sleeping too." Castiel's attention turned from the baby and he walked away from the crib leading Sam and Alta into the living room.

"I will not be able to continue to be your guardian, Sam." Sam waited, speechless. "I must turn all my energy to rebuilding Heaven. It is in chaos."

"Well, I'm thankful for everything you did for me, Cas. You saved my life... so many times." Sam suddenly felt the loss of the Angel's friendship.

"You will not need me so much. All of Heaven is occupied with its own concerns. Lucifer is dead and Samael has no designs to escape Hell… yet."

"Yet?" Sam's voice held a note of concern.

"It will be a few thousand years. It's cyclic. And for now there is no time to be concerned with earth."

"And Michael... he's..." Sam waited for the Angel to finish his thought.

"...is no longer a threat to you." He didn't give Sam the answer he wanted. But Sam accepted what the Angel offered.

"Thank you... Cas... for everything." Sam held out his hand to the Angel. Once... when they first met, Castiel, Angel of the Lord had hesitated to shake the hand of 'the boy with the demon blood'... but that was no longer the case and Castiel gripped Sam's hand in both of his.

"I will still visit... though it will be infrequent." His bright blue eyes searched deep into Sam's soul and he hesitated. "You are better now." Castiel marveled at what he saw. The ragged edges of Sam's soul were mending and it glowed with an intense light... the bright glow of Grace.

"Yes." Sam nodded his head in agreement. "I'm much better." He had no idea what the Angel saw but he knew he was not _just_ better... the deep wound inside him that was his soul was becoming whole again.

**... ... ...**

Next Castiel went to Dean, finding his friend in his garage still working on the Thunderbird… not yet painted… not yet finished.

"What do you mean... 'no longer a threat'?" Dean's voice was low and dangerous. "That's not good enough, Cas. You're gonna have to give me more than that."

"Dean. Always you struggle with faith." Castiel gazed sadly into his friend's face.

"No. It's not like that." Dean's withering look would have intimidated any man but not this Angel. Castiel understood Dean's need. "That _dick_ was gunning for me... for Sam... even for Sam's baby... _an innocent... unborn baby_! He was after me and Sam and anybody connected to us! That's a lot of people, Cas... _A lot of people I love."_

"If I tell you that he is... contained... can you not believe me... can you not have faith?"

"I have faith in what I _know_... what I can_ see with my own eyes_!" Dean paced across the floor of his garage, his hands fisted at his sides. He turned and walked back to Castiel. "Contained? What does that mean? Are you talking about a cage... like Lucifer's cage? Do I need to remind you that Lucifer got out of his cage?"

Castiel gazed at Dean. He seemed unmoved by the argument but he finally sighed. "He will be judged."

"Great! A trial. I'll testify."

"There will not be a trial. You cannot testify."

"Well, your judicial system sucks!" Dean continued to pace in frustration. "Who speaks for the victims... _us 'lowly humans'_... in all of this?" He finally stopped pacing and let out a long low sigh. "This is so wrong, Cas."

Castiel gazed intently at Dean, his soft blue eyes peering deep into Dean's soul just as he'd gazed into the soul of Dean's brother and he saw the deep wounds... scars as deep as Sam's.

"Come." The Angel said and as he placed his hand on Dean's forehead Dean reflexively closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was standing with Castiel in the Garden.

It was barely recognizable as the beautiful place where he and Sam first met Joshua. Dean's eyes were wide in amazement as he scanned the devastation around him. His eyes finally met the soft, gentle brown eyes of the Gardener.

"I know what Michael has done. I know what all of my children have done." Joshua waited and watched Dean as His words sank into Dean's mind. "I know what Sam did and what you've done... I know all of it." Dean looked from Joshua to Castiel but Castiel's face was unreadable._ No help there. _Dean looked to Joshua again. This was all more than he could wrap his mind around. "I know what you need, Dean." He raised His hand to cradle Dean's face and Dean _saw_... _with his own eyes..._ just a flash… but it was enough. Michael was stripped of his power and his Grace... made to be human and banished to the depths of Hell.

Dean gazed at the Gardener. "Joshua... are you?..."

"Go... be with your family... the people you love." Dean was speechless at Joshua's bright smile. "And Dean... _Be at peace."_

**... ... ...**

Life went on but things were not the same. There was still the odd demon roaming here and there on the earth but there was no grand plan and the demons caused random evil but there were no heavy weight leaders on earth like Azazel… or Lilith... or Ruby… or Crowley. There were no Angels on earth and the hunters were once again saving lives and hunting evil... angry spirits... Windigos... malevolent witches... the same creatures that had always been the dark, supernatural part of life... it was back to the old ways… the old times… before the apocalypse.

… … …

Ben motioned for John to be ready. John had already picked the lock and now had his gun drawn. He nodded to Ben and then focused on Ben's hand at the knob. Ben signaled… one finger… two… three and he quickly opened the door wide. John entered first… low, sweeping left to right and Ben immediately behind and above him sweeping right to left. Nothing… The two hunters cautiously entered, John eyeing every corner of the room… Ben at his back… covering… and the third hunter… Donnie… came in after Ben. They moved through the old house clearing every room as they went, working as a team… moving together in a well-rehearsed dance… Ben watching first John then Donnie. Finally making it to the back door and cautiously down the ancient steps.

"Well?" Ben turned to face John and Donnie.

"It's clear." John spoke with confidence.

"You sure about that?" Sam's deep voice questioned. His large frame loomed in the doorway.

"No way!" Donnie's young voice chimed like a bell. He was only ten… his voice not yet changing.

"Oh." John's disappointment was obvious. "Sorry, Dad." John was thirteen. It was not the first time they'd been through this exercise. Both boys had been training for three years now. John beginning at age ten and Donnie at seven, but it proved that one could not train too much.

"You'll get better." Ben encouraged. "It's hard… sometimes I think our Dads can actually disappear… really."

"I can't do anything more than the evil creatures can do." Sam ruffled the thirteen year-olds dark auburn hair and gazed fondly into his bright green eyes. He was the spitting image of his mother and Sam saw her every time he looked at his son. "So we'll try again. This time find Dean. You missed him too." Sam eyed Ben.

"I saw you both." Ben assured his uncle. "Been doing this for a while now."

"I know you have." Sam answered. He turned to John and Donnie. "When you find Dean we'll be finished for today. We're all meeting at Bobby's tonight." He noticed the wide smile on Donnie's face; his bright blue eyes shining. When he looked at Donnie, Sam could clearly see his father in him. _Mini Mark… _Sam thought and smiled to the boy.

This time Sam led the way through the house. John imitated his father's silent footfalls. Each time he could hear one of the boy's steps behind him or a too loud breath… a rustle of fabric, Sam froze… his long fingers pointing back to the boys, reminding them to take more care and be silent. They searched the house without benefit of flashlight, eyes adjusting to the darkness. When John spotted Dean he quickly leveled his gun and Dean sprang into action jumping at the boy. Sam beamed with pride when his son didn't flinch but fired and nailed his uncle directly in the chest with his paint gun.

"Oh…" Dean stumbled back from the blow. "Damn… that's gonna leave a bruise." Dean held his hands out staring down at the paint dripping from his clothes. That stain joined a few others. "Glad I got a change of clothes in the car."

… … …

Bobby was in a thoughtful kind of mood, playing back the times of his life... searching for the time when his home had become Grand Central. After he lost his wife, Karen to the supernatural... demons... he'd become a hunter... and antisocial... a recluse of sorts... his only contacts hunters... and then only of necessity if he needed back up.

Then he met John Winchester and his two little boys. Sam was four and Dean was eight and Bobby had never been around children very much but he knew these two weren't like other children... They were like little soldiers and over the years and the many visits Bobby grew to love the Winchester boys.

But in spite of the visits from the Winchesters Bobby still led a mostly solitary life... quiet... peaceful... Even after John Winchester died and the boys brought his body to Bobby's to 'salt & burn'… the honorable way for a hunter to go into the next world… they stayed a couple of weeks and then they were on the road again. They called... for help with research and they came by sometimes, staying for a day or two but for most of the time Bobby was alone.

It was when both boys found the women they loved... the women they would marry and make a life with… that Bobby's home became the center of the little growing family of hunters. Dean, Lisa and Ben... Sam and Alta... then he inherited some Campbells... Mark, Sophia and Sonya... and somehow his home had become the hub of this "family". Bobby supposed it was because his home was the only stable home Sam and Dean ever known and Bobby decided he didn't mind being the leader of this clan… because he wouldn't have to be alone... he wouldn't have to die alone... when his time came... and he knew it would... there would be someone to miss him... someone to care... to 'salt & burn' his body with honor… someone to mourn.

Bobby sat at his desk, his face buried in a book... Same as he'd been doing for a long lifetime. He still did research but mostly he read just for pleasure; his eyes scanning the worn pages of his favorite books. No electronic books for Bobby_, thank you_. He thought he might be the last person on the planet who still ran his hands along paper pages... still enjoyed the smell of an old book... well-worn and well read.

Maybe not the only person... not if he could help it... Bobby glanced up when he felt bright hazel eyes peering at him from the door.

The small child standing in Bobby's door said nothing... She peered out from shaggy chestnut brown bangs and long dark lashes. _Well, hell. Who could resist that puppy dog face?_

"What do you want?" Bobby's gruff voice didn't faze the child... his acknowledgement was all it took for little legs to start moving and a smile and a giggle to float across the room to him. The child quickly maneuvered her way around Bobby's desk and plopped a book right on top of the book he was reading.

"Read me this." She was climbing onto his lap.

"Why don't you get that woman on the iPad to read it to you?" Bobby grumped.

"No." She lay across his lap and he cradled her in his arms as she rocked back and forth; her beautiful little face gazing up at him. "Want you to read it."

"You know I will." Bobby's voice was suddenly soft and he hugged her close kissing the top of her head. Bobby remembered a small boy from many years ago who learned to love books in this house and used to hang on his knees and look at him as if he was special. She looked just like that small boy. Dimples framed her gentle smile and she gazed thoughtfully at Bobby.

"We're fa-la-me." She said. It was her new word... her new aspect of life to figure out...

"Yea, we're family."

"My G-papa." she squeezed as tight as her little arms were able.

"That's right and you're my G-baby." Bobby opened the old book and began to read... "Once upon a time there were four little rabbits..." and he didn't mind so much that his home was Grand Central... didn't regret for a moment that he didn't have kids of his own... instead he cared for John Winchester's boys. Bobby didn't regret for a moment becoming a father to Sam and Dean and it was a natural thing to become a Grandfather... 'Gpapa' to their children.

His mind wondered a bit as he read the familiar well-worn pages to the five year old child in his lap. He said he wanted a girl in this generation and so Sam had obliged him with little Mary Katherine.

**... ... ...**

It wasn't the familiar rumble of the Impala... Which Dean still kept in top condition... but the equally impressive rumble of the Thunderbird that Dean had given Ben on his sixteenth birthday. That was six years ago but Ben... with the help of his father kept it in good running condition and it was a beauty.

Lisa and Sonya had been at Bobby's all day, taking care of Mary Katherine and preparing a grand meal for the family gathering. Dean gave Lisa a quick kiss on the cheek before heading to the shower and Ben gathered Sonya in his arms giving her a long slow kiss before he asked... "Where's my baby."

"Napping upstairs." Sonya smiled. "You get a shower first and let her get her nap out…" Ben looked toward the stairs. "I mean it… don't you dare wake her up!"

Sam took the boys by his house before coming to Bobby's and they came later, freshly showered. Mary Katherine squealed and ran to her Daddy to be picked up and held high in Sam's arms. Identical dimpled smiles and hazel eyes gazed at each other. She was the delight of Sam's life.

"She looks just like you did when you were five." Dean smiled at the both of them. "Well, a female version of you… but you were mostly a girl anyway… 'til you started to get muscles." Dean grinned at his brother and slapped him on the back.

"That's ok… Gramps." Sam snickered right back. Dean swelled with pride as he gazed into the pale blue eyes of the tiny baby… so small that he held her in one arm … little Gwyn… just three weeks old.

"Your turn will be here before you know it." Bobby stood in the doorway of his study looking over his family as they gathered in the living room. Alta, Sophia and Mark had just arrived… back from dispatching a nest of Vamps in Montana.

Alta sided up to Sam and he bent down to kiss her. "Missed you." She wanted to get lost in those beautiful eyes... still… after all these years.

"Missed you too." She ran her hands through his long dark hair, gently fluffing out the little traces of gray at his temples.

"_**No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it?" **_

_Chuck – Supernatural 5.22 Swan Song – Eric Kripke and Eric "Giz" Gerwitz_

… … …

_**Don't forget to leave a comment... Last chance…  
><strong>__Many thanks to those who have given comments and encouraged me along the way. I can't name you all, but I hope you know how much I appreciate your thoughts._

_For those who really liked this story. I am seriously considering a rewrite. Not to change anything major but to correct some mistakes… to further develop some of the minor characters and subplots… and delve a little deeper into some of the earlier plot twists... a little more of the Campbells and Alta's back story… a little more of Dean and Lisa just after Sam's disappearance. If I do rewrite, it will be after a bit of a break a few months at least and it will be on archiveofourownDOTcom. _


	55. Chapter 55

**Family Secrets: Prequel – The Beginning**

**_If you enjoyed Family Sectets, I hope you will check out the prequel. Published 6/23/12. The prequel provides back story to Samuel and Crowley, Sam and Bobby, Sam and Samuel, when Alta and Sam meet and Dean reconciling to his new "apple pie" life._**

* * *

><p>Beginning immediately after "Swan Song" the ending of season six, Crowley puts his new plan into action and Sam finds himself back on earth with no idea how or why he is back. Dean is trying to make a life with Lisa while Samuel tries to get the Campbell clan together. Alta Campbell meets Sam for the first time and sparks fly.<p> 


End file.
